Funny Tweets About Relationship Failures

Failed relationships really suck – in fact, they can suck the life right out of you. Know what I’m saying?

But look at the bright side of things! There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you live and you learn, right?

Right.

Here are some very funny tweets about relationship fails. Do you think these people are still together…?

1. A little over the top.

2. This is kind of intense.

3. Not gonna happen.

4. Gee, sorry about that…

5. He did as he was told…

6. The elusive pistachio shell.

7. That is unforgivable.

8. Close…

9. Not good at following along, is he?

10. Hmmmm…

11. What did you just say?

12. Ghost on the wall.

13. Hahahahaha.

14. Could’ve been cute…

Keep your head up! You’ll be fine! You didn’t need to be with that jerk anyway!

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Anti-Matt Tweets for Anyone Who’s Ever Had Bad Experiences With a Matt

My name is Matt and I apologize for all my fellow Matts who have wronged you and treated you like garbage in the past.

I’ve met plenty of douchebag Matts in my life, so I feel your pain…

There are a ton of anti-Matt tweets out there, so let’s see what people are saying about these…Matts…

1. No more of that.

2. This one will be different.

3. A whole laundry list.

4. Those are your choices.

5. How much will you get?

6. I can’t decide which one is the worst.

7. Count it as one.

8. Sup, bro!

9. This band is gonna be HUGE.

10. Nice work.

11. Which one are you, again?

12. How can you tell them apart?

13. You’re doing a great job.

14. At least 100 of them.

15. I can’t wait for this to happen.

I will try to get my fellow Matts to be better in 2020…

But I can’t make any promises…

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An Expert Says That Unmarried Women Without Kids Are the ‘Healthiest and Happiest Population Subgroup’

We all face a lot of pressures in our lives – pressures about marriage, kids, happiness, and what the perfect ingredients are to live a “perfect” life. Well, the older we all get, we know that there is no such thing as perfect,’ and we also know that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for someone else.

As a man, it seems to me that women have it much tougher than men when it comes to societal expectations (though I can only speak from my personal experience). A lot of people still think that women are supposed to settle down, get married, have children, and raise a family. That’s been the ‘traditional’ way for generations, but what if those pressures really aren’t pushing women toward happiness at the end of the day?

Woman pointing

A professor of behavioral science named Paul Dolan published a book in 2019 called Happy Ever After: Escaping the Myths of the Perfect Life in which he makes some very interesting claims. Dolan, who teaches at the London School of Economics, said something quite controversial: he claims that “married people are happier than other population subgroups,”  but only “when their spouse is in the room when they’re asked how happy they are. When the spouse is not present: f—ing miserable.”

Wow. That sure turns a lot of ‘common knowledge’ on its head, doesn’t it? On top of that, Dolan said that “the healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married or had children.”

Dolan’s book and his claims are based on research that polled people who are married, single, divorced, separated, and widowed. Dolan also claims that men seem to get more out of marriage because many of them “calmed down” after getting married.

Dolan pointed out the different effects that marriage has on the sexes: For men, “you take less risks, you earn more money at work and you live a little longer. She, on the other hand, has to put up with that, and dies sooner than if she never married.”

Woman's portrait

Dolan also added this little nugget about his research and findings: “You see a single woman of 40, who has never had children — ‘Bless, that’s a shame, isn’t it? Maybe one day you’ll meet the right guy and that’ll change.’ No, maybe she’ll meet the wrong guy and that’ll change. Maybe she’ll meet a guy who makes her less happy and healthy, and die sooner.”

Yikes.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments!

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15 Hilarious Tweets from Husbands About Married Life

Marriage…it’s lovely, isn’t it?

The love, the passion, the romance…the getting yelled at to clean up your clothes all over the bedroom floor…

You know – the good stuff! Here are some very funny and very accurate tweets from husbands who have been there and done that.

1. You’re gonna need to back off.

2. A real tragedy.

3. You’re the champ!

4. Here we are.

5. Isn’t that nice!

6. You can’t win.

7. Moments of terror.

8. Those are too good for you.

9. Can’t get out of that one.

10. One of life’s mysteries.

11. This guy is a real cut-up.

12. What were you thinking?

13. Think the kids will notice?

14. I’m gonna need this in writing.

15. A whole new man.

If you’re married, we want to hear from you!

Tell us something hilarious/embarrassing/ridiculous/annoying that your spouse did that you can’t get off your mind.

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Staying at Home With Children Is More Stressful Than Going to Work

Parents who stay at home are often pretty misunderstood. While many people assume they sit around relaxing at home all day, the reality is it’s a 24-hour job that is exhausting. Between caregiving and household management, the work seemingly never ends. One new survey found that, for many people, staying at home is more stressful for parents than going to work.

The Aveeno Baby survey, conducted in the U.K., asked 1500 mothers and fathers about their experiences as working or stay-at-home parents.

The survey found that a significant percentage of parents (31%) feel that staying at home with the kids is more stressful than going to work, rather than the other way around.

Photo Credit: iStock

“Becoming a parent is an amazing experience, but we understand that entering this new chapter of life can also bring with it a great deal of stress and worry, so we wanted to discover more about what new parents experience in the first few years, what they wish they had known and how best we can support them,” Aveeno Baby skin expert Rebecca Bennett told The Sun.

“From what you put in your baby’s mouth to what you put on their skin, every small decision becomes much bigger and you worry you might not be making the right choice, or are being judged by others.”

Regardless of whether you work or stay at home, having a baby is HARD, the survey found. 39% of parents reported constant exhaustion while 55% believed that having a baby is hard work even with a strong support system.

In the age of social media, many parents also reported that parenting apps make it harder for them to feel like good parents due to the constant comparisons to others.

Photo Credit: iStock

The lesson? Never assume another parent has it easier than you!

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People Share the Secret Battles They Are Currently Fighting in Life

People say that everyone out there is fighting a secret battle. It could be health-related, it could be depression, sadness, rage, money troubles, love troubles, etc. The point is that everyone is dealing with something.

AskReddit users shared the private battles they are currently enduring.

Remember to be kind to everyone and help people out whenever you can. You never know what people are going through.

1. Terrible.

“My mother has weeks or months left… Doctors aren’t optimistic, but this is indeed my last holiday with her.”

2. Still haunted.

“My mom died unexpectedly in December of 2011.

I am haunted by all the ‘what ifs’, ‘should haves’, and ‘never agains’.”

3. Torn apart.

“Honestly….depression. Cancer has literally torn my family apart. I lost my biological father, my stepfather, 2 aunts and numerous cousins to it. My daughter doesn’t have it but she stays sick, a lot.”

4. Hang in there!

“Diagnosed with 2 different types of cancer this year. And surgery, radiation. Starting to recover and figuring out what life will be like from here on out as I turn 40 in 3 months.”

5. A dark abyss.

“Trying to continue life with my daughter gone. I miss her so much every day. I’m fighting the guilt that’s constantly eating me alive because I didn’t protect her. I should’ve been more watchful but I failed my sweet baby. Life is nothing but a dark abyss without her and I’m not sure I’ll ever see light again.”

6. Staying clean.

“Going through methadone treatment while my two brothers are still using drugs. I’m clean now but it’s still a tough battle, especially because we live together.

I appreciate all the support and kind words reddit peeps. I’m in the middle of tapering down already, 30 mg left, and if anyone is facing a similar struggle just know YOU CAN DO IT! You’re the master of your own destiny.”

7. My psychosis.

“Psychosis. I’m under immense pressure to try and seem normal, to laugh like I’m normal and react and talk and socialize like I’m normal. But it’s hard when I’m hearing and feeling things that aren’t real, or when I believe things that make other people get weirded out. I feel like I’m at constant war with my head and I want so hard to just seem well-adjusted, and to not be fucking annoying all the damn time.”

8. Looking for a job is demoralizing.

“Currently dealing with unemployment and trying to stay positive in the sea of rejection letters. Luckily, I have an interview coming up but that is stressing me out because I don’t what I’m going to do if that doesn’t go well.”

9. Still grieving.

“It’s been a while since my husband died and no one talks about him anymore, it’s as though he never existed but I still grieve for him every single day.”

10. Exhausted.

“I just wish I existed outside of my own fucking head. Attempts at reaching out met with indifference feels like contempt after so long. .

3 people I love have died in the last year. I feel so fucking alone.

Nobody is having an easy time and I can barely think of anything positive, and when I do and share it, indifference is what I’m met with.

It’s exhausting. I don’t want to do this anymore for no reason.”

11. Reality.

“I have a baby with serious health issues who will likely have disabilities.

There are a lot of other things along with that situation.

Sprinkle in my own anxiety disorder / depression… Struggling mightily with life right now.

I don’t see it getting better. This is my new reality.”

12. A shell of my former self.

“Depression, Anxiety, PTSD.

Car accident at 16 left me clinically dead and in a coma. Massive anxiety from that along with PTSD.

Last year I lost my S/O because of a drunk driver.

I have horrific nightmares about both incidents. I’m a shell of my former self.”

13. This is sad.

“I want to kill myself, but I’m the only person who gives a crap about and helps my disabled friend in another state who is routinely abused and taken advantage of.

I mean, I guess I also don’t want to hurt my parents, but they should have thought ahead before reproducing when they knew how fucked-up their heads were. But my friend never asked for a neurological disorder. She doesn’t deserve to suffer alone.”

14. He doesn’t need to know.

“My kid is dying. Incurable, fatal disease. My wife and I decided to tell no one, not even family, because at that point our little boy will find out, and why does he need to know? He just needs to be a little boy and enjoy the life he has.”

15. Heartbroken.

“The girl i thought i was gonna marry broke up with me. I’ve been going through a faith crisis which has always been huge for me. I just feel so broken and lonely…”

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11 Times Birthdays Did Not Go According to Plan and Went off the Rails

Birthdays are supposed to be great celebrations! I mean, that’s when you were born… and as a kid your birthday is essentially the biggest day of the year.

But… we’re not all that lucky. Some folks get completely shafted. These Reddit users were brave enough to share their sad birthday stories with the rest of us.

1. I would be SO angry!

Last year I was unemployed at the time of my birthday.

My friends and I made plans to actually go out and do something. The day before my birthday I got called to an interview where they told me I had a job. They wanted me to start the next day. So I cancelled my plans, went out and bought some work clothes and showed up for my first day of work. When I arrived, I found that there were 6 other girls there and that we were actually being interviewed again and that we would do a day of “training”. It then came out that only 2 people would leave with jobs.

Our “training” consisted of us doing 5 hours worth of kitchen labour. At the end of the day 2 girls were chosen and everyone else walked away jobless.

I was not one of those girls and I wasted my birthday on unpaid work.

2. Super!

My Birthday is at the very end of January. So often this coincides with the Super Bowl.

16th birthday was going to be a Super Bowl party. Gave out a ton of invites, paper and verbal. Had a bunch of people say they would swing by either for the whole thing or for the first half. Blah Blah Blah.

Put out snacks, had the game on the big screen. Only had two people show up and they didn’t even come inside. They just dropped off a small cake on their way to a different Super Bowl party.

At halftime I finally gave up hope that anyone else was showing up and told my mom to put the snacks away as I was going to bed.

3. Oh, get over it

It was my 19th birthday.

I was living in the dorms, and my friends got together and decided to give me a surprise party. This included them going out of their way to not see me all day, to avoid telling me happy birthday. All of my friends ignored me for the entire day, only to call me down to one of their rooms at 11:00 PM. I was getting ready for bed, ready to put the whole crappy day behind me. Instead I have to go down there to find them all drinking. They didn’t understand why that was not exactly a fun experience.

4. Face plant

I don’t remember exactly which birthday it was, I think 9th or 10th, we were all set to go to Chuck E Cheese with some friends and their parents for my birthday.

I was out in the yard with my friends playing with skate boards until it was time to leave for the pizza party. One of my shoe laces came undone, went under the wheel of the skateboard I was riding on and it pulled me down and I face planted into the sidewalk and took a good chunk if not all of the skin off my nose. Bloodied and crying, we still went to Chuck E Cheese.

I felt so insecure with this big bloodied scar of a nose while we were out in public.

5. Get better friends

For my 19th birthday, I organized a party at a friend’s house with tons of booze and tons of snacks. My ARMY buddy whose house it was at even procured Everclear for the Jungle Juice. I invited pretty much everyone I knew and told them to invite their friends.

One friend showed up.

Six years later, I tried again. I organized a “taste tripping” party where you take these Miracle Berry tablets that change the way your tongue tastes food (sour tastes sweet). I had a bunch of different foods on a platter for people to try tasting. Again, I invited everyone I knew.

Only one friend and his girlfriend showed up.

I’ve decided to stop throwing birthday parties.

6. Broke friends

Well, it was my 18th, and my first after starting university.

Throughout high school, I was fairly well off and was usually pretty generous. I talked to all my friends and they all wanted to come until I mentioned they might have to kick in half for their dinner. All bailed except one, who got depressed and cancelled. My World of Warcraft guild got together and sent me a tray of muffins and a timecard. Its always a crappy day when the only people who even pretend to care on your birthday are people who you’ve never met in real life.

Thank you, <The Muffin Kings>, for caring.

7. Series of unfortunate events

My 20th birthday.

I woke up at 8am, went to class in the crappy cold rain. When I got there and found out class was cancelled I was pretty bummed, especially since I had no ride home for three hours.

Next my sister takes me out to lunch where we find out our grandfather has to have emergency open heart surgery. Awesome. After that mess I went to see my now ex-girlfriend at school because she refused to drive home to see me.

We go out to dinner, she doesn’t have money because she spent it all on booze earlier in the week. I have to pay for my own dinner. Next we go back to her dorm room for some birthday sexy time, but instead we have a talk and she breaks up with me.

Worst birthday I’ve ever had.

8. Well that’s sad!

My birthday usually came a week after my first report card, and I got punished as a result with either no birthday, or a “bitter birthday” with just me and my parents, who would stare at me disappointedly. Or my mother was drunk, and would forget.

My birthdays since then have been pretty good, though.

9. …I just can’t

On my 22nd birthday, my housemates girlfriend insisted we go out. She kept badgering me about it until I named a local place that was semi-expensive, I also said Chilis. She kept pushing for the more expensive place insisting it was my special day.

We got there, she looked at the menus and immediately threw a fit, complaining she couldn’t afford anything. When her boyfriend attempted to buy her meal, she declined him multiple times, and refused to share his as a compromise.

For the rest of the night we ate in silence interrupted by her complaining about hunger pangs and how anyone could afford the place she had insisted we all go to.

10. Shit rolls downhill

16th birthday, I woke up to my parents fighting.

They didn’t even remember it was my birthday. Then my best friend, who happened to be the girl I was madly in love with stopped by to tell me goodbye as she was moving to Texas with her family.

I told her I liked her before but on that day I was going to tell her how I feel and ask her out.

When I got back from saying goodbye, my dad was packing his stuff and they told me they were getting divorced.

11. Like dominos…

I was really excited for my 19th birthday.

I was going to have lunch with my girlfriend, hang out with my friends after, and end the evening with pizza at my parents home. The girlfriends mum picks me up (no car at the time because I was living with the girlfriend and paying rent) and we go down to her university and she has to pick up some books so we go to the bookstore and she kills 2 hours in lines and shopping for clothing. Not all the books were bought so we went to an off campus bookstore. Another hour or so in line. I text my friends and cancel our plans.

We then go to The Olive Garden and she spends the whole time talking to her mum about something that the mum’s most recent boyfriend did. Started chatting up the server and mentioned it was my birthday to her and SHE wished me a happy birthday. Girlfriend looked at me puzzled. She had forgotten it. It’s now 8 pm and we are driving home. I’m in the backseat and I call my parents and tell them that I’ll be home soon. There’s an accident down the road on. My parents call me and ask where I am. I tell them to eat without me. 3 hours later we are out of the traffic jam and I go to my parents home and cry.

Broke up with her a few weeks later because she was cheating on me (for months now) and I was still salty about her forgetting my birthday and ruining that day.

What did you think? Have a story that can top some of these?

You know what to do… let us know in the comments!

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11 Funny Memes for People Who Can’t Stand Their Exes

We understand. You got burned by your ex and you still can’t bring yourself to forgive that person. We’re all different so we have to get over bad breakups at our own pace.

But the people behind these memes clearly still have some major issues with their ex-boyfriends and girlfriends…

You can practically feel the anger deep down in your soul…

Let’s take a look.

1. They seem a little small.

Photo Credit: someecards

2. You sure about that?

Photo Credit: someecards

3. Not gonna happen.

Photo Credit: someecards

4. Don’t do it!

Photo Credit: someecards

5. Time to leave.

Photo Credit: someecards

6. Who’s it gonna be…?

Photo Credit: someecards

7. Who needs men, anyway?

Photo Credit: someecards

8. Used to it.

Photo Credit: someecards

9. Can we all start using this, please?

Photo Credit: someecards

10. That’s the best part about that one.

Photo Credit: someecards

11. You still need to know…

Photo Credit: someecards

We know a lot of you have been burned out there in that rough world of love and dating.

Tell us a little bit about that terrible ex of yours in the comments.

Go ahead, get it off your chest!

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Mansplaining Convention Is Selling $2,000 Tickets to Help ‘Make Women Great Again’

As if things weren’t ridiculous enough in the world, there is now a Mansplaining Convention set to take place in May 2020. Tickets are only being sold to women, who will get to enjoy watching a panel full of men explaining things to them. Sounds fun, right?!

The event is officially called the 22 Convention, and it’s “destined to be the mansplaining event of the century,” according to organizers. The organizers. Do they not know mansplaining is bad?

It will be a three-day-long event in Orlando, Florida. The goal? To “make women great again.”

Oh, and tickets to this convention cost $1,999. Cue eternal screaming.

The 22 Convention comes from the same “Orlando-based bros” who host the 21 Convention to actualize the “ideal man,” according to Orlando Weekly.

“Women today are being taught to act more like men,” the 22 Convention website says. “Where has that led us? Skyrocketing rates of divorce, depression, dysfunction, and America at the #1 spot in the world for single motherhood.”

But no more, thanks to these mansplaining heroes!

“No longer will you have to give in to toxic bullying feminist dogma and go against your biological nature,” the website says.

At the convention, women will learn about all those horrible topics that have poisoned their brains, such as: feminism, infertility, body positivity, overconfidence, and more.

The website also explains that feminism is “hiding under a mask of fake progress.”

“At The 22 Convention, you will learn the truth that unhealthy militant feminists have been hiding from you your entire lives,” the website says.

In place of feminism, the mansplainers will teach women how to regain their “femininity” and learn to be the “ideal wife.”

There’s also a note on the homepage that says, “Regular ticketing is only available for natural born women.”

This sounds like absolute torture.

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Divorced People Share the Moment They Realized Their Marriage Was Over

Marriage is supposed to be forever, but it doesn’t often work out that way.

Sometimes with divorces, there’s a slow, tortuous buildup to the end with enough drama and/or introspection to fill a few diaries cover to cover. Then there are those marriages where everything combusts in a moment, like it did in most of these 19 stories from various Reddit threads.

Hopefully at least one fun divorce party was had after these proceedings!

1. Broiled was given lots of red flags.

Probably when I returned home and found all the furniture, food and my wife missing.

Another hint was the empty bank account.

2. Then shouldn’t cdc194 and his ex be going to hell for divorcing?

She wasn’t religious when we met, 10 years later she told me I was going to hell for believing in dinosaurs.

3. Buckaroo_Banzai_ just wanted a new shirt.

My wife put on 170 lbs over 10 years. I never said anything and supported her attempts at weight loss.

One day I was trying on an old Steelers jersey that didn’t fit, because I had gained 15 lbs in 10 years. I said, “Well, i guess it’s time to buy a bigger jersey.” her response:

“We’re not blowing money on a stupid jersey. You’ll just have to lose weight.”

Fucking

Done

4. Metyuadem saw the demise of two relationships at once. What a show.

When I came home to find her sister’s husband naked in my bed.

5. Nobody likes taking the bus, but this person’s ex could’ve kept that thought to herself.

On my 6th birthday I got a dog named Ace, an absolutely beautiful golden retriever chow mix that was my only friend throughout a very lonely elementary-middle school life.

My parents called me one day in July of 2009 while I was at work (I was stationed in my hometown after a few tours) telling me they were taking him to be put down because he was having some terrible medical problems and in pain.

I asked my Top if I could go and he threw me out of the office, on the way towards my folks house I called my wife at work (DQ) crying hysterically about it. I told her that she will have to either take the bus home or have her mother take her.

The bus was a straight route and would take 15 minutes, and her mom lived between her work and our house so it would be no hassle anyway.

Cut the story short, she starts screaming at me for caring more about a “stupid fucking dog” than her having to take the bus home, I hung up and that was it. I never kissed or hugged her again.

6. If Raven2002 wasn’t that hurt by his friend, he needs better friends.

I came home early from work because of a migraine. Found him in bed with my best friend.

Oddly, I was more hurt by her behavior than his.

Broomed them both that day.

7. GoingBackToKPax takes things literally.

The last straw? The one they kept snorting coke with.

8. This person’s ex was very upfront about their opinions/forcing them on other people.

When he said ‘okay, I won’t force you into converting anymore, but I’m going to pressure you a little bit and talk a lot about my religion to you so that you’ll accept the truth eventually’.

At least there was honesty involved in this failed conversion.

10. Molunkusmol delivered a great comeback on such short notice.

I suspected my then husband of cheating, so I followed him. I went to the house where he was and saw him outside with a little boy. I was angry and asked (not meaning it), “Who is that – your son?” He said, “Yes.”

Yikes – surprise – he had another family! Time to split! My response, “I don’t ever want to see you again. On your deathbed will be too soon.”

11. _Blood_Fart_ is familiar with the adventures of the sea.

After having sex, her lover would wipe his “nut” on my pillow.

Came home from work and laid right in it 2 times. She claimed I drooled in my sleep.

I know the taste of seamen, she could not fool me.

12. It’d be interesting to know how often 1angrydad consumes this fruit now.
Bananas.

We were grocery shopping, and I pick up a bunch of bananas and she immediately started in with “Why are you getting bananas?! You’re not going to eat them, put them back! Right now!”

Literally yelling at me and berating me in public for bananas.

When we got back to the house, I told her I was done.

One too many crazy episodes for me.

13. Shakeyjake discovered the power of writing.

When I sat down and wrote down all my life’s goals and ambitions and realized that when I imagined my happiest self in the future it didn’t include her.

14. It’s shocking that noisycat’s husband was shocked.

My husband informed me he was moving the girl he had been having an affair with into our house.

He wasn’t divorcing me – he fully expected I’d be passive enough to accept it.

According to his friends and family, he was “shocked” I left.

15. Zinere could’ve ended up without the dog, which would’ve been worse.

When she dropped me off on a major highway in Florida with no cell, no money, my dog and a bag of clothes that is when I made the choice this woman’s getting a divorce.

16. Was_creative_once shouldn’t be so modest about his math skills.

Came home from a seven month deployment overseas to a five month pregnant wife. I’m no mathematician but I figured that one out

Putting two and two together can be hard sometimes.

17. Emodius and his ex had different ideas about work.

Ex wife said “You should get a second job”. I’m like, “Bitch, you should get a first job”. I knew.

18. DidymusNoble doesn’t understand the importance of cat food.

My dad left a passive aggressive note about not leaving a can of cat food in the fridge. My Mom confronted him about the tone of the note.

A fight ensued, Dad tried to escape to his man cave, Mom made the mistake of barging in to continue the fight while he was trying to calm down, Dad erupted in 25 years worth of pent up rage.

A can of cat food…

19. It’s unclear what WHATS_WITH planned to do with the one breast implant.

The day she showed up with a boob job and new boyfriend.

I wanted to sue for the right one, but my lawyer didn’t like that idea. I wanted my half!

Presumably he intended to do nothing fruitful with the fake boob.

Well, that was something I’ll never forget. What a bunch of insane stories!

Do you have one that you want to share? Do it in the comments!

The post Divorced People Share the Moment They Realized Their Marriage Was Over appeared first on UberFacts.