15 Brutally Funny Tweets About Married Life

Marriage is a beautiful union between two people where all your dreams immediately come true…right?

Well, maybe it’s not exactly the fairy tale it’s made out to be…

Or maybe these people just have really good senses of humor and want to put their partners on blast?

Either way, these tweets are winners!

1. What’s it gonna be?

Marriage is 50% your wife being upset that you don't do enough chores and 50% of her yelling at you for ruining her shirt by doing the laundry.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 14, 2019

2. It’s over!

My husband just got back from the gym and took a nap on the freshly washed sheets and he could have just told me he wanted a divorce

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) January 6, 2020

3. Pretty much everything.

Wife: You're doing it wrong.

Me: What?

Wife: *motions vaguely in the direction of my entire life*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 6, 2020

4. Things are heating up.

My husband arguing with me about how much I like to argue is the spark that keeps this marriage alive.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 3, 2020

5. She’s winning this one.

I have a cold and it’s pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently that’s way worse.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 3, 2020

6. I can’t believe it’s not working.

Instead of asking my husband to do something, I just casually mention 300 times that it needs to be done and hope he picks up what I’m laying down. And so far, this strategy has been wildly unsuccessful.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 4, 2020

7. Son of a…

My husband surprised me with a night out to celebrate the anniversary of our first date. I was reminded of the man I fell in love with.

We arrived at the theater and learned the movie was playing at a different location a full hour earlier. I was reminded of the man I married.

— She Writes Good (@GoodSheWrites) December 23, 2019

8. Now what…?

A marriage is like a car in the sense that I have no idea what to do when it breaks down.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) December 30, 2019

9. I’m gonna score!

What I say to my husband: “Let’s cuddle on the couch and watch something.”

What he hears: “Let’s have sex in like 15 minutes.”

— Marriage And Martinis (@MarriageMartini) December 15, 2019

10. What am I doing here?

I've been married for over 16 years, I barely can remember what that thing I like is.

— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) December 27, 2019

11. Sparks are flying.

Thank you for loading the dishwasher but you did it wrong

~ a love letter to my husband

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) January 4, 2020

12. Not in my house!

Me: I think I’m getting sick.

Wife: Hold on, I have something for that.

Me: Okay.

Wife: [starts smothering me with a pillow]

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 6, 2020

13. The natural progression of things.

My husband came home from being gone for 6 days, walked through the door & went straight to the dog.

And that’s what it’s like to be married for 20 years.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 6, 2020

14. No, I can’t.

Wife: Can you do something for me?

Me: Sure.

Wife: Can you do it without complaining?

Me: I'll get someone else.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 5, 2020

15. Where the hell were you?

My husband came home with pizza sauce on his collar and no pizza and now I know what it’s like to be cheated on.

— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) December 28, 2019

Those seem pretty on point…even though I’m not married. But hey, they seem right on the money to me!

What do you think? Do these tweets illustrate marriage realistically?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

The post 15 Brutally Funny Tweets About Married Life appeared first on UberFacts.

January 24, 2020

Take a Look at These ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ Tweets to Keep Up to Speed

Now’s the time for all the guys out there to listen up. The ladies are pretty sick and tired of being treated the way they have been, so they’ve taken to Twitter to vent their frustrations.

There is a lot of good information in here that I think everyone can benefit from.

So let’s take a look at these ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ tweets to educate ourselves.

1. First and foremost.

#WhatWomenDontWantFromMen
Their laws controlling our bodies. pic.twitter.com/tSJuXQv6Nf

— Karen (@bubbasbestbabe) December 23, 2019

2. Just don’t do it.

Don’t ever tell a random woman you’ve never met before to “Smile”, for the love of God. #WhatWomenDontWantFromMen

— Kelli Maroney (@Kellimaroney) December 23, 2019

3. They’re your kids, dude.

#WhatWomenDontWantFromMen

Using the Term “Babysitting” when Watching THEIR own kids. pic.twitter.com/bFdqUrXg3w

— Midwest Crypt Keeper (@CryptMidwest) December 23, 2019

4. Kinda funny, isn’t it?

When they complain that women are too emotional….and then they scream and swear at the TV because their favorite quarterback just fumbled a pass. #WhatWomenDontWantFromMen

— My Stars! Horoscopes (@mystarsscopes) December 23, 2019

5. We’re equal, huh?

#WhatWomenDontWantFromMen being told that we don’t need feminism anymore, because we now have rights to vote and are ‘completely equal’ anyway. Anyone who claims this is blind to the issues women face on a daily basis.

— Inge (@ElisedelaSerre_) December 24, 2019

6. You’re full of it.

Women don’t want to be told that they “must not understand what a man was saying” every time we disagree with them. Believe me, dude, we understood and you’re full of nonsense.#WhatWomenDontWantFromMen

— Ashlee Explains It All (@ash_says_what) December 23, 2019

7. That doesn’t impress them.

#WhatWomenDontWantFromMen

I don’t want men to think their job, car, money, or jet-chartering abilities impress me.

Only kindness loyalty, humor, hard work, intelligence, reliability, etc. are impressive.

I don’t let men bankroll me, & rich or poor, an asshole is an asshole.

— Larkyn Simony Doesn’t Know How to Proofread (@LarkynSimony) December 23, 2019

8. This is a good one.

#WhatWomenDontWantFromMen

The same stuff I don’t want from women, really. Lies, hypocrisy, manipulation, bullying, pigheadedness, egotism, performative wokeness. Thoughtlessness is a killer.

The ability to listen and actually *hear* is a very underrated virtue.

— Isla Adele (@AdeleIsla) December 23, 2019

9. Don’t owe you anything.

Entitled men thinking we owe them, or misinterpreting our humanity for desire. #WhatWomenDontWantFromMen pic.twitter.com/m5onq0OJYo

— Dannielle (@DLHarpz) December 24, 2019

10. And then there are these guys…

#WhatWomenDontWantFromMen using the phrase “helping out” with housework or childcare which is actually their responsibility pic.twitter.com/BiHQ6hPUCB

— Arghavan Salles, MD, PhD (@arghavan_salles) December 23, 2019

Pretty interesting and informative, if I do say so myself.

Ladies and gentlemen, what do you think? Do these things affect your relationships?

Tell us about it in the comments!

The post Take a Look at These ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ Tweets to Keep Up to Speed appeared first on UberFacts.

January 24, 2020

Enjoy These Interesting Facts About Sex, Love, and Relationships

A big part of our lives is spent pursuing love and another big part of it is dealing with love once we’ve caught it. And I’m talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly.

But, hey, that’s what makes us human!

Let’s quit beating around the bush and get into the good stuff!

1. Mystery men.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

2. Poor ferrets…

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3. That’s a shocker.

Photo Credit: did you know?

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4. Does this describe you?

Photo Credit: did you know?

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5. Not a huge surprise.

Photo Credit: did you know?

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6. Get it on!

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7. C’mon, guys…

Photo Credit: did you know?

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8. Yet another reason to do the deed.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source

9. Think about that…

Photo Credit: did you know?

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10. Take it all in.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

Some pretty good facts from all across the spectrum, if I do say so myself.

We hope you enjoyed them!

The post Enjoy These Interesting Facts About Sex, Love, and Relationships appeared first on UberFacts.

January 24, 2020

15 People Share the Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did in Front of Them

These kinds of stories bring me a lot of happiness. Because we can all relate to our parents humiliating us in public at some point in our lives, right?

Of course! That’s part of the job description.

A guy on Twitter started a pretty epic Twitter thread about this very subject that I think all of us can appreciate.

What is the most embarrassing thing your parents have ever done in front of you?

Mine is probably when, half way through a punk gig, my mum, having heard that I was there, turned up at the rough local pub and dragged me home.

I was sixteen.

I was also the band’s lead singer.

— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) November 8, 2019

Ohhhh, this is gonna be fun!

1. Your balls!

A cycling holiday with my parents in the 80s, my dad wearing a pair of far too short shorts and when getting off his bike flashed his testicles at the entire cafe. Remember my mum shouting ‘Peter! Your balls!’

— Happy Project Ldn (@HappyProjectLDN) November 10, 2019

2. Mom’s humor.

The day my mum was discharged from hospital after her mastectomy, a nurse said, “Now, have got everything, Mrs Campbell? Not left anything behind?”
Mum answered, “No, just my left tit.”
My uncle RAN to his car and I had to walk her out, howling.

— Mags Campbell (@writersblock08) November 8, 2019

3. A close call.

On holiday in Malta, my Dad took us all on “family walk”. 2 hours later, lost and with light fading a black helicopter appeared, hovered above us, shone his search light and the loud speaker boomed……

“you are in a military live fire zone”

— David (@dgutte) November 9, 2019

4. That is pretty weird.

We had to be interviewed by the scary headmistress of my school before I could be accepted as a pupil. Dad had a bad back & mum had just had a minor operation. So he spent the interview lying on the office floor while my mum could only stand up. Weirdest 45 minutes of my life

— Boo (@BermondseyBoo) November 9, 2019

5. I’ll take them off, then.

It was the 70s and my dad (working class lad made good) rocked up at at a very posh restaurant. Was told jeans weren’t allowed so he took them off. There. In front of the maitre d’ & guests

— ＳｕｅＶｅｎｅｅｒ (@sueveneer) November 10, 2019

6. Come on, dad!

My dad came to collect me from a nightclub. I went outside to meet him and he was checking people’s ID’s! As a burley, bald ex rugby player dressed in a black leather jacket everyone coming in assumed he was in charge. The night club bouncers thought it was hilarious. I died.

— Jessica Sparkes (@JessicaRS) November 10, 2019

7. Straight from the DJ booth.

Similar to your story except I was 15 and in a club. My grandad decided to come and get me. Even worse, he got the DJ to call out my name and say ‘your grandads here to pick you up’.

— Dollyday (@welovepampering) November 8, 2019

8. That’s pretty nice.

That’s rough. At 16 my brother was lead guitarist in a punk band. I once saw my mum, a classically-trained musician, standing at the back of one of his gigs in her smartest clothes, quietly beaming with pride. Love my mum.

— Jason Davies (@JasonPtrDavies) November 8, 2019

9. Never having kids.

Both parents were doctors so when I was eight and my mum was pregnant I asked how the baby got in there and how it will get out. Naturally they decided it was time for my first anatomy lesson and mum showed me her bits while dad explained the process.

I have no children.

— Just Cameroon (@just_cameroon) November 10, 2019

10. Woooooooo!

I once told Mother that my friends and I would keep our money in our teenage girly bras so we didn’t need a handbag. She said she couldn’t do that as she didn’t wear one – and proved it by lifting her top up in the high street and singing “WOOOO” loudly.

— Mitten d’Amour (@MittenDAmour) November 8, 2019

11. Helen, it’s time to go home.

Was at a local nightclub and it was past my curfew. I was cutting shapes on the dance floor when the DJ stopped the music to announce ‘Helen, your mum called and you need to go home’

— Miss Konstantine (@giftedHKO) November 9, 2019

12. Hahaha, classic!

We had to go to a pre-viewing of my 10 year old sister’s sex education class so all the parents could approve it. We were a bit late and he burst in declaring to the room “sorry, typical bloke, missed the foreplay”

— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) November 9, 2019

13. A dad power move.

When I was 11 I left the house and made it to the school bus without my coat, despite it being below freezing, once the bus was moving I claimed victory, until my father overtook us, did a handbrake turn in the road to make it stop then boarded the bus to hand me my coat.

— Marcus Mitchell (@MarcusjMitchell) November 9, 2019

14. Stay off the field.

Went down injured in a rugby match and saw my mother running onto the pitch yelling “are you ok” and “he’s my son”. It took me a decade to hold my head up in the club.
A decade later I went to tackle a second row and my fiancee yelled out “leave him alone, you’re too big”.

— John Walshe (@WalberryCP) November 9, 2019

15. Brawling mom.

My Mum turned up drunk at my 18th birthday in a club and punched my boyfriend in the face for talking to another girl. The girl was his cousin. I was almost dumped on my 18th birthday.

— Life Didn’t Begin At 40 (@did_40) November 8, 2019

My lord, those are hilarious.

Now be honest with us…your parents have humiliated you before, right? Let’s keep this train rolling!

Don’t hold back on us now!

The post 15 People Share the Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did in Front of Them appeared first on UberFacts.

January 23, 2020

A New Father Wrote a Heartfelt Letter Describing the Feelings He Had While His Wife Gave Birth

Giving birth is intense. There’s pain, a lot of bodily fluids, usually some colorful language, awe, shock, and yeah, plenty of things you can never unsee.

At the end of it, if you’re lucky, you’ve brought a healthy baby into the world, so most people forget the rest of it (in time).

Posted by Lauren Battle on Tuesday, December 24, 2019

This dad never will, though, because he’s written down every thought he had while his wife brought their child into the world.

He posted the tribute to his wife’s miraculous birth of their son on Facebook.

I honestly don’t know how she did it. The pain was so intense, so overwhelming, that even I felt it. Everyone in the…

Posted by William Trice Battle on Sunday, November 17, 2019

It’s a reminder of what a miracle life is, what we all sacrifice to bring it forth and nurture it as it grows, and how important it is that we commit to doing it together.

It reads, in part:

I honestly don’t know how she did it. The pain was so intense, so overwhelming, that even I felt it. Everyone in the room felt it. Yet she pulled through. Her pain was gruesome. Her struggle seemed almost unbearable. I found myself gritting my teeth when she did, tensing my entire body when her contractions hit, and shedding tears along with her. All while realizing that I was merely a passenger, never to truly understand the excruciating pain she was experiencing.

Posted by Lauren Battle on Tuesday, December 24, 2019

He continued:

We all finally get to love and hold the boy that she sacrificed her body, comfort, energy, and self for. My son is an absolute miracle. Babies are absolute miracles. But to me, the greater miracle is his mother, who has shown me what selfless sacrifice really is. What love really is. My wife is the real miracle.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a little tear!

The post A New Father Wrote a Heartfelt Letter Describing the Feelings He Had While His Wife Gave Birth appeared first on UberFacts.

January 19, 2020

People Open up About the Worst Dates They’ve Ever Had

Have you ever had a truly terrible date? One that was a disaster start to finish and made you never want to go out with anyone ever again?

I’m sure you have…and so have these folks on Twitter.

This is the question that got everything going.

What is the worst date you've ever been on?

— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) October 21, 2019

Let’s take a look at the responses.

1. Get outta there!

When I was 18 and went on a date with a much older guy. At the end of the night he told me he was into 'blood play'. I stupidly asked for more details… 5 minutes later I was on the bus heading home.

— Sarah Taylor (@SairLondon) October 21, 2019

2. Won’t be a second date.

He asked me what the worst thing I’d ever done was (I was 17 not much) then told me his was that he’d had sex with his sister. His actual biological sister…

— Sophia Behn (@SophiaBehn) October 21, 2019

3. Still haunted.

Met up, she bought a mate, walked along the coast, asked me to wait there she’ll be back in a minute. After an hour went to meet my mates in the pub, she was sitting on my mates knee having lots of fun. I was 16, don’t think I spoke to another girl a for 2 years. It haunts me now

— baconbaps (@baconbaps1) October 21, 2019

4. Mama’s boy.

..I tentatively asked. He burst into tears at the table. Big, splashy, non-stop tears. The waitress handed him tissues as he sobbed. “I’m so sorry” I said, presuming the worst but thinking it was an odd choice for a dating app photo, “I didn’t realise your Mother had passed away”

— Hels Bels (@_Hels_) October 21, 2019

At this point he starts actually wailing, gets up and goes to the toilets. 10 minutes later he comes back, face still streaked with tears. He looks at me & says, “No, she’s not dead, I’m crying because…well…. I just really love my Mum” OMG!

— Hels Bels (@_Hels_) October 21, 2019

5. Sounds like a catch!

I have LOADS, but this one from my friend still makes me laugh

She went on a tinder date with a guy, got a bit drunk, went back to his, they had sex, he finished on her outer thigh () and then started crying and went off to write in his journal. She left promptly afterwards.

— Anna (@AnnaSels) October 21, 2019

6. No way.

He took me out for a drink, drove me home but on the way he stopped the car, opened his door, puked out the side of the car then tried to snog me. Gross.

— HYBRID (@hybridscores) October 21, 2019

7. Ouch!

He was boring, humourless, & smelled odd, like pork. Said he'd pay for dinner so I'd "owe" him & winked pointedly. Had the gall to get offended when I asked him if he'd blow a guy in exchange for a night of tedious conversation, badly grilled fish & a bottle of sparkling water.

— Mealy Pertaters (@MPertaters) October 21, 2019

8. Okay, this is the worst ever.

Not me, but my mate Dan met her parents on a (near) first date. He sat on their sofa and accidentally sat on the family pet dog breaking its back. It had to be put down.

— Phillip Smith Esq. (@PhilAtCreamCow) October 21, 2019

9. Homicidal maniac.

How was the date, though?

— TheDweeb #FBPE (@thedweebster) October 22, 2019

10. Yeah, I’ve had enough.

Spent the whole evening asking me “controversial” questions eg. Do you need glasses or just wear them for attention, would you rather have a child with autism or Downe syndrome? I left after 1 glass of wine at 9pm claiming I “had to go to the gym”

— Sophie Gadd (@sophie_gadd) October 21, 2019

11. Maybe he was a nice guy?

I think you mean best date

— Tom Riley (@tomriley84) October 21, 2019

12. That’s weird.

She sat smiling and not saying anything for 2 hours, then “Gay Bar” by Electic Six played and she burst into tears and ran to the toilets. When she came back she told me she’s been seeing the synth player in the band and had been dumped when his wife found out a few days earlier https://t.co/JUCXEgIH2r

— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) October 21, 2019

13. We don’t want you to be hysterical.

The very first thing she did on sitting down was take out a small glass bottle and started spooning a syrupy liquid into her mouth. "Homeopathy?" I asked, heart sinking. "No, a powerful sedative-hypnotic drug" she replied, "If I don't take it I'd be hysterical right now."

— Conor Horgan (@ConorHorgan) October 21, 2019

14. What a story!

"I don't like yours much!"

— DavidBrady (@AntiProfessor) October 21, 2019

We’re begging you! Tell us about your awful dates in the comments!

These kinds of stories give us LIFE!

The post People Open up About the Worst Dates They’ve Ever Had appeared first on UberFacts.

January 19, 2020

15 Funny Tweets About the Realities of Marriage

Isn’t it always like this? Husbands and wives going back and forth, making each other crazy and in love at the same time.

Hey, that’s life!

Let’s take a look at some hysterical tweets about married life in all its glory.

1. Can you please move?

My husband’s favorite place to stand is right in front of whatever cabinet I need.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) September 3, 2019

2. How could you?

My wife just got mad at me for fast forwarding through a commercial because she wanted to use that time to look at her phone.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 11, 2019

3. Not anymore…

Wife: is that what you’re wearing?
Me: I guess not.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 3, 2019

4. Always listening.

I know it looks like my husband and I are eating in silence and ignoring each other, but we're eavesdropping on you so we can talk about you in the car.

— Some Boys' Mother (@someboysmother) May 29, 2019

5. An embarrassment to the family.

Please help. My husband just started running. He runs in jeans. With a belt. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. I am so alone.

— Tawny Newsome (@TrondyNewman) October 16, 2019

6. A lot of deep sighs.

Being married means never having to say you’re angry. You can clearly articulate it just by the way you breathe.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) January 16, 2019

7. Thank God for your wife.

Before marriage, I would sit at stop lights for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) February 8, 2019

8. I can’t pretend.

Husband: Could you have said that with a little less attitude?

Me: I could have but then I wouldn’t be the woman you married.

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) November 17, 2019

9. I’ll sleep standing up tonight.

Wife laying diagonally across the middle of the bed.

Me: So… I’ll just stand over in the corner.

— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) January 30, 2019

10. A very confident man.

Oh to have the confidence of my husband who started a 2hr movie at 10:20pm.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 16, 2019

11. You can die first.

My wife heard a noise downstairs and woke me up to go check it out. Because apparently my life doesn't matter.

— karanbir singh (@karanbirtinna) August 24, 2019

12. From the grave.

[My funeral]

Husband: hey… what's our Amazon Prime password?

— Gregnog is vegan and delicious (@DaddyGrownup) September 18, 2019

13. Gonna be a shoot out.

Husband woke me up before my alarm.

We duel at sunset.

— *Lady V* (@tanbotha24) April 2, 2019

14. Has it really, though?

Me: I can’t believe we’ve been together for so long. The time has flown by.

Wife: Has it?

— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) March 31, 2019

15. That took a while.

[50 years from now]

*visiting husband’s grave*

“I wanted to let you know that after all these years I’ve finally figured out where I want to go to eat.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2019

Married life…you gotta love it!

Tell us a funny story about something your spouse has done recently. Let’s put them on blast!

The post 15 Funny Tweets About the Realities of Marriage appeared first on UberFacts.

January 19, 2020

15 Funny Tweets About the Realities of Marriage

Isn’t it always like this? Husbands and wives going back and forth, making each other crazy and in love at the same time.

Hey, that’s life!

Let’s take a look at some hysterical tweets about married life in all its glory.

1. Can you please move?

My husband’s favorite place to stand is right in front of whatever cabinet I need.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) September 3, 2019

2. How could you?

My wife just got mad at me for fast forwarding through a commercial because she wanted to use that time to look at her phone.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 11, 2019

3. Not anymore…

Wife: is that what you’re wearing?
Me: I guess not.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 3, 2019

4. Always listening.

I know it looks like my husband and I are eating in silence and ignoring each other, but we're eavesdropping on you so we can talk about you in the car.

— Some Boys' Mother (@someboysmother) May 29, 2019

5. An embarrassment to the family.

Please help. My husband just started running. He runs in jeans. With a belt. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. I am so alone.

— Tawny Newsome (@TrondyNewman) October 16, 2019

6. A lot of deep sighs.

Being married means never having to say you’re angry. You can clearly articulate it just by the way you breathe.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) January 16, 2019

7. Thank God for your wife.

Before marriage, I would sit at stop lights for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) February 8, 2019

8. I can’t pretend.

Husband: Could you have said that with a little less attitude?

Me: I could have but then I wouldn’t be the woman you married.

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) November 17, 2019

9. I’ll sleep standing up tonight.

Wife laying diagonally across the middle of the bed.

Me: So… I’ll just stand over in the corner.

— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) January 30, 2019

10. A very confident man.

Oh to have the confidence of my husband who started a 2hr movie at 10:20pm.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 16, 2019

11. You can die first.

My wife heard a noise downstairs and woke me up to go check it out. Because apparently my life doesn't matter.

— karanbir singh (@karanbirtinna) August 24, 2019

12. From the grave.

[My funeral]

Husband: hey… what's our Amazon Prime password?

— Gregnog is vegan and delicious (@DaddyGrownup) September 18, 2019

13. Gonna be a shoot out.

Husband woke me up before my alarm.

We duel at sunset.

— *Lady V* (@tanbotha24) April 2, 2019

14. Has it really, though?

Me: I can’t believe we’ve been together for so long. The time has flown by.

Wife: Has it?

— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) March 31, 2019

15. That took a while.

[50 years from now]

*visiting husband’s grave*

“I wanted to let you know that after all these years I’ve finally figured out where I want to go to eat.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2019

Married life…you gotta love it!

Tell us a funny story about something your spouse has done recently. Let’s put them on blast!

The post 15 Funny Tweets About the Realities of Marriage appeared first on UberFacts.

January 17, 2020

If Kids Aren’t Your Thing, These Memes Are For You

Are you the type of person who does NOT want to have kids? Hey! Me too!!

We hate the idea that our independence will be threatened by bedtimes, diaper changes, responsibilities, crying, and snot leakage.

Yeah… completely understandable reasons, fam!

If you’re one of those people, these memes pretty much sum up your outlook on life and kids, so let’s go!

1. Seriously the worst!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

2. This won’t end well…

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

3. Stop looking at me!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

4. Too late… already do this…

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

5. The right response…

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

6. Get away from me, you devil child!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

7. Wut sup!?

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

8. Get it away!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

9. Move away from the child…

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

10. OMG… YES!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

11. Yes? No? Hmmm, better take all of the birth control then!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

So, you’re going out to the store right now to gets some condoms, right? Because there’s NO way you want to have a little you running around. That would be horrible.

What do you think? One of these speak to you in a special way?

Let us know in the comments!

The post If Kids Aren’t Your Thing, These Memes Are For You appeared first on UberFacts.

January 14, 2020

A Man Live-Tweeted the Awful Way He Found out His Summer Fling Was Married With Kids

This guy found out his ex-fling was married with children in the most “yikes” way possible — by running into him at church on Christmas Eve.

Dan, or @dxnielandrew_ on Twitter, reported the entire story live on Twitter, and it went viral for obvious reasons.

It all started when Dan went to midnight mass with his mom for Christmas Eve.

“Next to me was a man I hooked up with last summer….and next to him was his wife and children that I had no knowledge of,” he wrote alongside the perfect reaction GIF.

Just been to midnight mass with my mum and next to me was a man I hooked up with last summer….and next to him was his wife and children that I had no knowledge of pic.twitter.com/KlTAQYzSwp

— Dan (@dxnielandrew_) December 25, 2019

“Can I add we went on 7 dates before he told me he couldn’t be with me because his job was too hectic,” Dan added. “Never realised his job was stay at home dad xxx.”

If that weren’t bad enough, though, the ex then slid into Dan’s DMs because he apparently has zero shame.

Dan posted a screenshot of the DM, leaving the man’s identity anonymous.

LmaoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/IwcPBGGjOv

— Dan (@dxnielandrew_) December 25, 2019

Dan denied the man’s advances (good job Dan), replying: “No I’m not going to do that, have a nice Christmas.”

But the man simply doubled down.

“Let’s talk, I can give you Christmas miracle lol xx,” he wrote.

He didn’t stop there either. He wrote a follow-up message, “Dan please hear me out, when are you back in work? Let’s talk please I hav so much I want to say to you. I can’t stop thinking about you xx. Santa said you’re on the naughty list hehe.”

Please come to my funeral, please come and have a celebration in my honour because I don’t think I’m going to survive Christmas xxx pic.twitter.com/VfAwzDDRGY

— Dan (@dxnielandrew_) December 25, 2019

Dan wrote on Twitter to “please come to my funeral” because “I don’t think I’m going to survive Christmas.” Honestly, we can’t blame him.

Cause it KEEPS GOING:

#hellopleasereply pic.twitter.com/g8VfF2lE47

— Dan (@dxnielandrew_) December 25, 2019

Poor Dan.

Just to get really sad boi for one second but it’s just hit me that I was used by this man, I was literally his dirty secret and I feel disgusting and I also feel terrible for his poor wife and children like WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE

— Dan (@dxnielandrew_) December 25, 2019

But it’s ok.

Anyway that’s over now just remembered he is literal trash xx pic.twitter.com/v0udIEYdlD

— Dan (@dxnielandrew_) December 25, 2019

Seems like Dan’s right because…

I. FORGOT.

I. FORGOT. pic.twitter.com/wVyJWgRv34

— Dan (@dxnielandrew_) December 25, 2019

Words may fail, but Dan’s clearly winning.

The post A Man Live-Tweeted the Awful Way He Found out His Summer Fling Was Married With Kids appeared first on UberFacts.