Category: Relationships

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People Talk About Red Flags That Are Warning Signs in Friendships

Paying attention to red flags is not just limited to romance.

You need to look for them in your regular friendships as well. Trust me on this one, a terrible friend can make your life just as miserable as someone you’re sleeping with.

So remember to keep your eyes open with your friends as well because a bad friend can be a major bummer and they can be really hard to get rid of.

Here’s what AskReddit users had to say.

1. Don’t bring the bad vibes.

““Good vibes only” friends. That mentality is fine to have with yourself. But you can’t force that on others.

My best friend adopted this attitude and from then on, whenever I would come to her for support or advice on an issue I was having, she’d cut me off and say, “Ah ah ah! Good vibes only, remember?” Because I was bringing her down.

I put up with it for a long time because I thought she was right, that I was burdening her. But then I finally realized that that’s not how real friends act. They’re supposed to support and help each other.”

2. I’m over here!

“Having their damn phone in their face the whole time. If they do that, they don’t want a friend, they want company. It’s not the same.”

3. This drives me insane.

“Friends who constantly call you for advice but, never take it and continue to involve you in their drama.

If you’re not going to make moves to improve your situation stop asking me for help.”

4. Pay attention to these.

“When they pressure you to do things for them (or a certain way) and act like you were on board the whole time. (coercion)

They say they are “holding you accountable” to something you never wanted in the first place. (gaslighting)

They take the “high road” when you get angry because they won’t respect your boundaries. (play the victim).”

5. Insensitive.

“They never say anything supportive of you. But they will point of your flaws, and can’t wait to burn you, because its funny, to them.

And then the follow up of “you’re too sensitive” “It’s just joking”.”

6. This is frustrating.

“Friends that are a one way street. I was always the one to message, call, or make plans with them. I was always the one to check up on them to see if they were okay. I always offered a helping hand and be there for them.

I decided to stop to see if they would reach out to me, but we never spoke to me again. Oh, well.”

7. “Emotional vampires.”

“Friends that aren’t happy for your success and happiness, but are very close when you’re sad.”

8. Look out for this one.

“This is subtle and a bit counterintuitive but beware of the rescuer-martyr. The person that’s always rushing out to help and give everyone else their all whether or not it’s needed or whether the recipient is comfortable with it. They are good people, very well intentioned and saintly in their generosity with their time and energy.

However, sometimes it goes to the extreme and then it’s more a symptom of a toxic cycle where they only get meaning and self-worth when they are saving someone; or maybe they keep swooping into other people’s lives to fix things in hopes that someone will do the same for them.

They may have good intentions but they tend not to have good boundaries; they get overinvolved in your life; take on way too much and make everyone’s problems their own. They end up overwhelmed, mired in drama, and resentful. And then they become the martyr.

The problem with being friends with this type of person is that you’re not in an equal friendship where you like each other, enjoy spending time with each other; and when there happen to be downs, you support each other through them.

It’s more like you’re a project, everyone’s a project; and once you stop being a project you’re now support – not just for them and their own problems, but part of the fire brigade for their other projects (which they’ve internalized as their own problems and drama).”

9. That gets pretty old.

“If you have had a friend for a long time, but you only seem to be able to talk about memories in the past.

Each time you get together or exchange messages, it’s “Remember in high school….” or “Remember that time when….”

Could be a sign that you both have grown apart and do not have much in common today that you can connect on.”

10. All about them.

“Friends who are always happy to talk about themselves but never once ask you how you’re doing or anything engaging you to talk about yourself.”

11. Best friends!

“Personally I’ve always had bad experiences with people who say everyone is their “best friend.”

When my best friend in high school started calling 10 different people including me her best friend, that was when I knew I was just an accessory, and she was trying to surround herself with people to love her.”

12. This happens ALL THE TIME.

“When they ditch you the moment they start dating someone.”

13. Bullying is bad.

“They try to correct your personal preferences for you. Bully you out of liking certain clothing/music/foods/art, etc. They’ll often frame it as if they’re doing you a favor.

It’s a sign of emotional immaturity when people treat others like play objects rather than human beings.”

14. Don’t be a flake.

“Being flaky.

Nobody is that busy for a 2 second text to cancel plans or to not even agree to them at all.”

Beware of these kinds of people!

It’ll probably help you out a lot in the long run.

What are the red flags you look for in your friendships?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

The post People Talk About Red Flags That Are Warning Signs in Friendships appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Talk About What Their Parents Threw out That Would Be Worth a Lot of Money These Days

My dad always says that if he would’ve kept his baseball card collection from the 1950s he’d be a millionaire.

Well, it didn’t exactly work out that way…

I don’t know if he threw those cards out or his parents did, but they’re LONG GONE.

And you know this is a pretty common story.

A lot of us had collections of all kinds of stuff when we were kids that suddenly disappeared for one reason or another.

In this AskReddit article, people talk about the things they had as kids that would be worth a lot of money…if their parents hadn’t thrown it all away.

1. Dammit, Mom!

“My brother had a bunch of first edition Pokémon cards, that he spent over a year collecting.

Mom took them away for getting in trouble at school, and they were never seen again.”

2. Oh, those…

“I had the complete collection of teenage mutant ninja turtles figures.

I packed them into a box and put them away then later when looking for them i couldn’t find them… asked my mother.. “oh those, i threw them out.. you weren’t playing with them anymore””

3. It’s not “junk”.

“About 40 Indian Arrow heads collected on my grandparents farm for years by myself and my grandfather and full sets of baseball cards from 1969-1980, my mom decided to toss out all that “junk” when I moved out for military.”

4. That is not cool.

“After my mom died, my dad met this crazy, Jehovah’s Witness woman and one thing led to another. About a month before my high school graduation we got into a HUGE fight over something  and she burned my collection of old Dungeons and Dragons
books and magic cards.

Complete collections…Every 1st edition book in good condition
signed by Gary Gygax. I guess my brother knew him at some point.

The real kicker? I rode the wave of the original magic the gathering launches back in the day, complete sets of the original series through…homelands? All burnt to a crisp. Every once in a while when i want to be depressed about never being able to retire i look up the card values.”

5. Comic books.

“Nearly all of the first 24 editions of virtually every Marvel series, from The Fantastic Four to Spiderman (including the Amazing Tales in which he was introduced) to Iron Man, the Hulk, Thor, Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos. Basically all of them.

At a comic book store I was once looking at some collectors editions of those comics priced at about $1,500 to $,2400. I said to the clerk “Man, I used to have all of these.”

The clerk, whom I’m sure was Matt Groening’s model for Comic Book Man, without even looking up said in a bored voice, “Do you know how many times a day I hear that?””

6. Evil devil music!

“My mom had a collection of signed Beatles records that she threw away after she converted to Christianity because played backwards they summoned the devil or something.

For years I was hoping to inherit it when I grew up.

All I think it summoned was poverty. :/ “

7. Stamp collectors.

“Stamps.

When I was around 7 I used to stay at this friend of my parents house. She was older, and sort of a substitute grandmother. Her mother lived with her, she used to collect stamps. When she passed away the subbie gran gave me the collection.

My oldest brother had them in his room, I can’t remember why. My parents used to make a big pile in the middle of our rooms of what was messy and we had a couple of hours to put it all away. My brother faffed about and didn’t do it. So the remaining pile was thrown out. In that pile was the collection of stamps.

To this day I believe that there would have been valuable stamps in that collection considering the age of the collection, but I’ll never know.”

8. That’s kind of weird.

“I had mined 8 bitcoins at age 16. Kept them in a hard disk. When they grew in value I searched for and hard disk to know that my mom sold it to a 19 yr old for $50. I still curse my mom for doing that.”

9. Those very popular dolls.

“Barbies.

My family wasn’t super well-off growing up, but for some reason they allowed my sibling and I to amass dozens of Barbies, hundreds of clothes, two doll houses, three cars, one RV, a plane, and so fucking much else besides. When I was 12 and had outgrown it all, my dad decided it was time to pass them onto younger cousins or otherwise get rid of them.

Looking back, we should’ve held onto most of it. I had celebrity Barbies, anniversary Barbies, Barbies that came with horses, or were ballerinas, or were otherwise novel in the Barbie world. I literally spent 10 years collecting Barbies and now don’t even have a single shoe to show for it.”

10. I bet you’d like to have those right about now.

“The original Transformers in boxes. Had all main characters and nearly all of the smaller bots. Got em when I was 11, 12 or so in the mid 80s.

Left for the military and mom had a huge garage sale…”

11. That’s interesting.

“Lynyrd Skynyrd had released an album where the album cover had the band members standing in a fire. Not long after the release of this album, some of the members died in a plane crash and they recalled the albums so they could give it a more appropriate cover.

My grandpa had one of the originals and he probably could have made a lot off it… if his mom didn’t throw it away not knowing what it was…”

12. Long gone.

“A bunch of World War I coins that was thrown away because I never looked at them, I knew they were gonna be worth a fortune so I tried to not go near them because I was extremely paranoid.”

13. That’s a rough one.

“Not thrown away, but sold. I had a baseball card collection with over 200,000 cards when I was a teenager. Many HOF autographs, memorabilia cards, signed gloves and balls, a game worn jersey from the Padres 98 World Series run.

Needless to say, it was already worth a decent amount at that time. I have looked up some of the larger items in today’s retail markets, and those alone would’ve fetched around $20-25,000 USD. My mom took them when I moved to my dad’s house because she was abusive. Sold it all for a few thousand on Craigslist and kept the money.”

14. Remember those?

“My collection of Polly Pockets.

I’ve literally seen some of the ones I had worth thousands of dollars now.”

15. The vintage stuff.

“Robots, lots of robots from the 60’s, and 70’s, some were the tin type, some were plastic, some I haven’t even seen on the internet although I keep thinking someone has to have at least one left somewhere.

All in total about 25+ kinds of robots from my childhood, that my dad threw out because apparently when you turn 12, you don’t need toys. This is probably why my wife makes fun of all the junk I keep, because I never got the choice to part with them so now I horde all remaining childhood possessions.”

16. Had to do it.

“I remember when state quarters first came out, my father sent me a collection of every first edition state quarter and one time I went to show my friends awhile later and couldn’t find them, I asked my mother and she said she had to use them for laundry.

We were very poor at the time so I understand, but I was a little sad by it as well because it was one of the only things my father ever sent me.”

Ouch!

It hurts to read some of those stories, huh?

Now we want to hear from you!

Did your parents ever get rid of some items that became valuable a lot later? Or maybe you lost them or threw them away yourself?

Tell us all about it in the comments!

The post People Talk About What Their Parents Threw out That Would Be Worth a Lot of Money These Days appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Discuss What It Would Take to Make Them 100% Happy in Life

This is a difficult question for any person to answer: what would it take to make you 100% happy.

I think some folks out there don’t even believe that a person can be 100% happy…but I guess it all depends on the individual…

Some people want big, grand things in their lives and others want simplicity

Here’s what folks on AskReddit had to say about the matter.

1. Very lonely.

“A friend or, God forbid, a girlfriend.

I’ve been out of college several years now and I’ve been friendless ever since. Hard to be excited about something and have nobody to tell.”

2. All they’ve ever wanted.

“I think finding someone who genuinely loves me for who I am and wants a present and future with me.

That’s all I’ve ever really wanted.”

3. Needing a break.

“Man if I had childcare in this moment I would totally lay down for like 2 hours for a nap!

But I. I am the childcare.”

4. Money issues.

“Being debt-free.

Student loans make up at least 80% of my stress…”

5. A big loss.

“Having my dog. His final vet visit was a couple hours ago.

I’m out of country working so I had to say my goodbyes when I left after Christmas. It’s very difficult by myself.

He was a great pet. He picked our family at 8 weeks. He was well loved and looked after.

His ashes will be joining me when it’s my turn.”

6. Like it used to be.

“My wife to be well again. If she felt better and we could hang out like we used to, I honestly feel like my life would be perfect.”

7. This sounds nice.

“A cabin in the woods, near a river. Solid and beautiful. Lots of windows, and an incredible view. It’ll smell like cedar and pipe tobacco. A simple wood shop, and maybe a small painting studio. A large wood-burning fireplace. A cozy kitchen; nothing fancy.

Really good coffee in mismatched mugs. Plenty of bourbon and wine. Loooots of books, and enough time to actually read them. Walks in the woods with my wife and dog. Fishing, canoeing, and shore lunches. Watching wildlife. Drawing and painting. A nice little town nearby (but just far enough away) with a good bookstore, an old diner, and a lively tavern (need a spot to watch those Packers games).

A well-seasoned and reliable old truck to get us there and back. Long days with my wife, listening to music (on vinyl), laughing, cooking, making love. Never feeling bored, never feeling rushed. Time enough to be able to just be us, and do all those things we never seem to get around to doing.”

8. Three things.

“A cure for writers block, a long attention span, and 3 extra inches in height.”

9. Best wishes to you!

“My daughter being old enough so I can take her home, she was born at 32 weeks, she might be coming home in a week :)!”

10. Need to recapture that.

“To just have energy and enthusiasm again.

It feels like I’ve had very little energy for anything for almost 10 years now. I feel like a passive observer in my life most of the time. Im doing what I’m supposed to, but any enjoyment has long since died.”

11. These are good goals.

“To finish college ( pretty soon), get my optometry degree and become an optometrist in the rural and underserved areas in US.

Also, a significant other who will be there beside me.”

12. Wouldn’t this be nice for everyone?

“Affordable healthcare forreal. I have to wait until I can save up enough to see the ENT again.. last run it went : see specialist, go to imaging center, back to specialist for results (that can be relayed via phone.

Cost $165 just to have him hand me a piece of paper), then to the surgical center. Just to find out what he thought was causing my eustachian tube issues, isn’t the problem. Back to square fucking one with $0.. America, please get your shit together.

I work 50 hours a week, I bust my ass, I haven’t been without a job since I was 15.. I’m in my thirties. At this rate I won’t see 60 because it’ll cost too much to fucking live that long”

13. In a lot of pain.

“No more pain.

I want to be able to check my own mail, take a walk out back, do groceries without using the go cart. Walk without using a cane. Be out of bed for most of the day.

Hell, I’d be 100% happy with 70% less pain.”

14. Here’s the list.

“8-9 hours of sleep every night, at least 4 very good friends and a knowledge of who everyone around me is, being really smart and having a secure job as a marine biologist studying the deep ocean. Also a happy family with kids who I take to get cookies on Fridays.”

15. For my son.

“My son’s doctor to call me and say he is completely cured and will grow up normal and healthy, he can stop any medicine he currently takes (about 16 pills a day for a 2 year old is a lot) and we never have to go back to the doctor.”

16. Go for it!

“Being able to ask out a woman i am attracted to instead of always chickening out.”

17. Another chance.

“Being pregnant again, with the 100% assurance that this time the baby will live.”

18. The good stuff.

“Get hired for a really awesome part time job.

Find a gym buddy I connect with and start exercising again.

Make strides every week in therapy and in managing my addictions.

Meet a great girl who I have tons of chemistry with.

My mom getting really good news about her medical condition and her recovering as close to 100% as possible.

Meeting new friends with healthy habits.”

19. Something to think about.

“Happiness is an inside Job.

I spent many years chasing “the dream.” Dream job, SO, toys, etc. It’s all just stuff. Only when I almost lost everything did I finally wake up and realize what is truly important in this life. Right now.

What are you doing right now to make your life better? No one else is/can make you happy, truly happy. Tomorrow is a wish and yesterday is gone. If you try and live in those two places you are pissing all-over today.”

20. I think a lot of people feel this way.

“Start earning enough money to not be stressed, and to be free of any mental health issues.”

Everyone is different, and that’s one of the things that makes living in the crazy world very interesting!

What about you?

What would make you a completely happy person?

Please share your thoughts with us in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

The post People Discuss What It Would Take to Make Them 100% Happy in Life appeared first on UberFacts.

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A Woman Got Feedback After Claiming She Was “Raised to Take Care of Her Husband”

Let’s just say up front that everyone’s relationship roles and dynamics are different, and if both partners are happy and fulfilled and it works for them, it’s no one’s business.

That said, once you put your business on Twitter and also use a somewhat judgy and sanctimonious tone that suggests your way is the right and good way and everyone else is dumb, well…expect feedback.

Twitter user Brylea Kay sent this tweet, claiming that she was raised to be an “old fashioned” wife who took care of her husband and made him dinner and cleaned the house, et al.

Let’s first point out that, due to her wording, we can assume dear Brylea has never been married (or added kids to the mix), so we will have to assume she’s like those people who have opinions on parenting before they attempt to tackle it themselves.

People had some thoughts.

Some excellent GIFS.

And just some plain hilarious responses to this dear heart thinking she knows anything about what it takes to stay happily married to another person who turns out to be way more annoying than you thought.

I mean, I kind of just want to give her a hug and tell her to get back to me in 15 years.

What do you think? Were people right? Piling on? Let’s talk about it in the comments!

The post A Woman Got Feedback After Claiming She Was “Raised to Take Care of Her Husband” appeared first on UberFacts.

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Here’s a Heartfelt Open Letter From a Mom Asking Her Husband for More Help

Motherhood is so hard. We carry these babies, give birth to them, and bring them home, an unimaginable love and sense of responsibility tight in our chests. We want to be the world for those babies. We want to be great wives. We want to maintain a career. We want clean houses and healthy dinners. We want to feel like the human being we used to be.

Emotions are tricky, and here’s the rub – we cannot do all of those things without help.

Gender roles are long established, and those ruts are hard to break out of. We watched our mothers maintain a house, a career, and be our primary caregiver while Dad loved us, and occasionally took the lead, but still had more of his own life. Part of us thought maybe things would be different in our own households, but the other part went along with more of the same, figuring if our mothers did it then so can we.

We shouldn’t have to, though, and that’s what mom blogger and author Celeste Erlach wrote in this raw open letter to her husband one night after bringing home their second child.

"Dear Husband,I. Need. More. Help.Last night was hard for you. I asked you to watch the baby so I could go to bed…

Posted by Breastfeeding Mama Talk on Saturday, March 17, 2018

She shared it on Breastfeeding Mama Talk, and if you want to know how real it is, well…there are thousands of women who feel just like Celeste.

Dear Husband,

I. Need. More. Help.

Last night was hard for you. I asked you to watch the baby so I could go to bed early. The baby was crying. Wailing, really. I could hear him from upstairs and my stomach knotted from the sound, wondering if I should come down there and relieve you or just shut the door so I could get some desperately needed sleep. I chose the latter.

You came into the room 20 minutes later, with the baby still frantically crying. You placed the baby in the bassinet and gently pushed the bassinet just a few inches closer to my side of the bed, a clear gesture that you were done watching him.

I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to launch an epic fight that very moment. I had been watching the baby and the toddler all damn day. I was going to be waking up with the baby to feed him all damn night. The least you could do is hold him for a couple of hours in the evening to I can attempt to sleep.

Just a few hours of precious sleep. Is that too much to ask?

I know we both watched our parents fulfill the typical mother-father roles growing up. Both our mothers were the primary caretakers and our fathers were relatively hands off. They were excellent dads, but they weren’t expected to spend a significant amount of time changing diapers, feeding, caring, and tending to the kids. Our mothers were the superwomen who maintained the family dynamics. Cooking, cleaning, and raising the children. Any help from dad was welcome, but unexpected.

I see us falling into these family dynamics more and more each day. My responsibility to feed the family, keep the house clean, and take care of the kids is assumed, even as I return to work. I blame myself for most of it too. I have set the precedent that I can do it. And in truth I want to. No offense, but I’m not sure I want to know what a week’s worth of dinner would look like with you in charge.

I also see my friends and other moms doing it all, and doing it well. I know you see it, too. If they can manage it, and if our mothers did it so well for us, why can’t I?

I don’t know.

Maybe our friends are playing the part in public and secretly struggling. Maybe our moms suffered in silence for years and now, thirty years later, they simply don’t remember how hard it really was. Or maybe, and this is something I berate myself over every single day, I’m just not as qualified for the job as everyone else. And as much as I cringe just thinking it, I’m going to say it: I need more help.

Part of me feels like a failure for even asking. I mean, you do help. You are an amazing father, and you do a great job with the kids. And besides, this should come easy to me, right? Motherly instincts, no?

But I’m human, and I’m running on five hours of sleep and tired as hell. I need you.

In the morning, I need you to get our toddler ready so I can care for the baby and make everyone’s lunches and drink a cup of coffee. And no, getting the toddler ready does not mean plopping him in front of the TV. It means making sure he went potty, giving him some breakfast, seeing if he wants water, and packing his bag for school.

At night, I need an hour to decompress in bed knowing our toddler is asleep in his room and the baby is in your care. I know it’s hard to listen to the baby cry. Believe me, I know. But if I can watch and pacify the baby for the majority of the day, you can do it for an hour or two at night. Please. I need you.

On weekends, I need more breaks. Times where I can get out of the house by myself and feel like an individual. Even if it’s just a walk around the block or a trip to the grocery store. And some days when I’ve scheduled swim class and play dates, and it seems like I’ve got it all under control, I need you to offer to lend me a hand. Or suggest I go lay down during the kids’ naptime. Or start putting away the dishes without me suggesting it. I need you.

Lastly, I need to hear you’re grateful for all I do. I want to know that you notice the laundry is done and a nice dinner has been prepared. I want to know you appreciate that I breastfeed at all hours and pump when I’m at work when it would be easier for me to formula feed. I hope you notice that I never ask you to stay home from your networking events and sport activities. As the mom, it’s assumed I’ll be home all the time and always available to care for the kids while you’re out and I feed that assumption by, well, being home all the time.

I know it’s not how our parents did it, and I hate even asking. I wish I could do it all and make it look effortless. And I wish I didn’t need kudos for doing things most people expect from a mom. But I’m waving a white flag and admitting I’m only human. I’m telling you how much I need you, and if I keep going at the pace I’ve been on, I will break. And that would hurt you, the kids, and our family.

Because, let’s face it: you need me, too.

Our husbands are good men. They help. They’re far more involved in their kids’ lives than our fathers were, and certainly more than our grandfathers.

Image Credit: Facebook

But it’s not enough.

We’re drowning, and asking for help is just one more thing we have to do that we feel like we shouldn’t, for one reason or another.

Image Credit: Facebook

We need men to step up.

Image Credit: Facebook

We need friends to tell us we’re not losers or failures and it’s okay to need help.

We need our mothers to remember that just because they did it, they weren’t thrilled with the status quo.

Image Credit: Facebook

Mothers are super women, but they don’t have super powers.

We need sleep. We need to recharge. We need our bodies to ourselves for just a few hours.

We need someone else to unload the dishwasher, or fold the laundry.

Image Credit: Facebook

That doesn’t make us losers.

It makes us human.

What do you think about this powerful topic? Let us know in the comments!

 

The post Here’s a Heartfelt Open Letter From a Mom Asking Her Husband for More Help appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Here’s a Heartfelt Open Letter From a Mom Asking Her Husband for More Help

Motherhood is so hard. We carry these babies, give birth to them, and bring them home, an unimaginable love and sense of responsibility tight in our chests. We want to be the world for those babies. We want to be great wives. We want to maintain a career. We want clean houses and healthy dinners. We want to feel like the human being we used to be.

Emotions are tricky, and here’s the rub – we cannot do all of those things without help.

Gender roles are long established, and those ruts are hard to break out of. We watched our mothers maintain a house, a career, and be our primary caregiver while Dad loved us, and occasionally took the lead, but still had more of his own life. Part of us thought maybe things would be different in our own households, but the other part went along with more of the same, figuring if our mothers did it then so can we.

We shouldn’t have to, though, and that’s what mom blogger and author Celeste Erlach wrote in this raw open letter to her husband one night after bringing home their second child.

"Dear Husband,I. Need. More. Help.Last night was hard for you. I asked you to watch the baby so I could go to bed…

Posted by Breastfeeding Mama Talk on Saturday, March 17, 2018

She shared it on Breastfeeding Mama Talk, and if you want to know how real it is, well…there are thousands of women who feel just like Celeste.

Dear Husband,

I. Need. More. Help.

Last night was hard for you. I asked you to watch the baby so I could go to bed early. The baby was crying. Wailing, really. I could hear him from upstairs and my stomach knotted from the sound, wondering if I should come down there and relieve you or just shut the door so I could get some desperately needed sleep. I chose the latter.

You came into the room 20 minutes later, with the baby still frantically crying. You placed the baby in the bassinet and gently pushed the bassinet just a few inches closer to my side of the bed, a clear gesture that you were done watching him.

I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to launch an epic fight that very moment. I had been watching the baby and the toddler all damn day. I was going to be waking up with the baby to feed him all damn night. The least you could do is hold him for a couple of hours in the evening to I can attempt to sleep.

Just a few hours of precious sleep. Is that too much to ask?

I know we both watched our parents fulfill the typical mother-father roles growing up. Both our mothers were the primary caretakers and our fathers were relatively hands off. They were excellent dads, but they weren’t expected to spend a significant amount of time changing diapers, feeding, caring, and tending to the kids. Our mothers were the superwomen who maintained the family dynamics. Cooking, cleaning, and raising the children. Any help from dad was welcome, but unexpected.

I see us falling into these family dynamics more and more each day. My responsibility to feed the family, keep the house clean, and take care of the kids is assumed, even as I return to work. I blame myself for most of it too. I have set the precedent that I can do it. And in truth I want to. No offense, but I’m not sure I want to know what a week’s worth of dinner would look like with you in charge.

I also see my friends and other moms doing it all, and doing it well. I know you see it, too. If they can manage it, and if our mothers did it so well for us, why can’t I?

I don’t know.

Maybe our friends are playing the part in public and secretly struggling. Maybe our moms suffered in silence for years and now, thirty years later, they simply don’t remember how hard it really was. Or maybe, and this is something I berate myself over every single day, I’m just not as qualified for the job as everyone else. And as much as I cringe just thinking it, I’m going to say it: I need more help.

Part of me feels like a failure for even asking. I mean, you do help. You are an amazing father, and you do a great job with the kids. And besides, this should come easy to me, right? Motherly instincts, no?

But I’m human, and I’m running on five hours of sleep and tired as hell. I need you.

In the morning, I need you to get our toddler ready so I can care for the baby and make everyone’s lunches and drink a cup of coffee. And no, getting the toddler ready does not mean plopping him in front of the TV. It means making sure he went potty, giving him some breakfast, seeing if he wants water, and packing his bag for school.

At night, I need an hour to decompress in bed knowing our toddler is asleep in his room and the baby is in your care. I know it’s hard to listen to the baby cry. Believe me, I know. But if I can watch and pacify the baby for the majority of the day, you can do it for an hour or two at night. Please. I need you.

On weekends, I need more breaks. Times where I can get out of the house by myself and feel like an individual. Even if it’s just a walk around the block or a trip to the grocery store. And some days when I’ve scheduled swim class and play dates, and it seems like I’ve got it all under control, I need you to offer to lend me a hand. Or suggest I go lay down during the kids’ naptime. Or start putting away the dishes without me suggesting it. I need you.

Lastly, I need to hear you’re grateful for all I do. I want to know that you notice the laundry is done and a nice dinner has been prepared. I want to know you appreciate that I breastfeed at all hours and pump when I’m at work when it would be easier for me to formula feed. I hope you notice that I never ask you to stay home from your networking events and sport activities. As the mom, it’s assumed I’ll be home all the time and always available to care for the kids while you’re out and I feed that assumption by, well, being home all the time.

I know it’s not how our parents did it, and I hate even asking. I wish I could do it all and make it look effortless. And I wish I didn’t need kudos for doing things most people expect from a mom. But I’m waving a white flag and admitting I’m only human. I’m telling you how much I need you, and if I keep going at the pace I’ve been on, I will break. And that would hurt you, the kids, and our family.

Because, let’s face it: you need me, too.

Our husbands are good men. They help. They’re far more involved in their kids’ lives than our fathers were, and certainly more than our grandfathers.

Image Credit: Facebook

But it’s not enough.

We’re drowning, and asking for help is just one more thing we have to do that we feel like we shouldn’t, for one reason or another.

Image Credit: Facebook

We need men to step up.

Image Credit: Facebook

We need friends to tell us we’re not losers or failures and it’s okay to need help.

We need our mothers to remember that just because they did it, they weren’t thrilled with the status quo.

Image Credit: Facebook

Mothers are super women, but they don’t have super powers.

We need sleep. We need to recharge. We need our bodies to ourselves for just a few hours.

We need someone else to unload the dishwasher, or fold the laundry.

Image Credit: Facebook

That doesn’t make us losers.

It makes us human.

What do you think about this powerful topic? Let us know in the comments!

 

The post Here’s a Heartfelt Open Letter From a Mom Asking Her Husband for More Help appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

These 15 Marriage Truths Are Hard to Deny

Everyone’s marriage is different in big and small ways, but it’s also true that all marriages have some big and small things in common.

If you’re married, sometimes it can feel as if no one understands what goes on behind closed doors, and I find posts like this to be helpful in reminding me that people get it, at least a little.

Here are 15 truths that, if you’re married (or have been married) you can’t deny are true.

15. Sex will be frequent and sometimes mind-blowing. Then, for a period, it will be just fine and not as frequent. Then it will be mind-blowing again.

Do your best to roll with the punches.

14. Your spouse will freak out over things that you think are wildly irrational. Looking at those irrationalities as rational and treating them as such is critical. You don’t have to agree with them, but you do need to be compassionate. Emotional invalidation is a killer.

This one is so hard. And so important.

13. Seemingly inconsequential things — how someone arranges the eggs in the fridge, the amount of paper towels they use, if they leave the cabinet doors open, if they accidentally hog the covers at night — will be the gateway to hour-long arguments.

You will know that it’s silly, yet you will not be able to stop.

12. Without independent hobbies, shit will go sideways.

You need to spend time apart.

11. Without regular activities to do together, shit will also go sideways.

It’s a delicate balance.

10. You will go to bed angry sometimes.

You have to sleep, and some arguments aren’t over in a day (or a week).

9. You will wake up angry sometimes.

See above.

8. There will be times when your partner will say something about a past experience that will shock you and remind you that you don’t know them as well as you thought.

This can be a good thing.

7. Talking shit about other couples will be considered a great date night.

It’s a great bonding experience.

6. There’s some truth to this Ogden Nash quote, “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” Understanding how you complement one another is crucial.

Ideally, you both bring strengths to the table.

5. Remembering the little things will solve so many issues. And marriage will make you realize that they’re not actually little things. They’re very, very big things.

The little things are so often the big things.

4. You will hear your spouse tell the same story for 4587 times throughout the course of your marriage.

Just smile and nod at the appropriate junctures.

3. You will go out with other couples and think they are weird or, frankly, the fucking worst. You will go out with couples that think the same of you.

Repeat after me: not everyone has to like you.

2. You will, at some point or another, feel like your partner and the kids have a relationship you could never have.

That is your own mess to deal with, not theirs.

1. Marriages always end poorly. The best-case scenario is that someone dies at the end.

View this post on Instagram

I’m reading The Untethered Soul (yes I said this a year ago. It’s a hard concept to grasp!) and it all boils down to this: do you choose happiness or not? Shit is going to happen to you, stress happens when you resist life’s events. Choose to find the joy. Look for it. Stay committed. Stay conscious. Stay open. No matter what happens to you. Kid skips school. Failed job. Failed marriage. Death. Don’t close. It’s not easy. Everything we’ve been taught says otherwise. We want to protect ourselves. We want to save face. But for what? It keeps us caged. Real freedom comes when we let go of ego, fear of failure and move through life with joy and a sense of adventure. We are here for such a short period of time. Really. Go full force with good intentions. Someone remind me of this tomorrow. ?❤❤ #untetheredsoul #choosejoy #butmykidisfailing #myhusbanddied #acceptlifeevents #choosehappy #whynot

A post shared by Whitney Stropp (@whitney_stropp) on

Depressing food for thought…or maybe that’s just how stuff is. Right? RIGHT?!?!

I already feel less alone, and happier with the way things are!

What do you think it absolutely true about being married? Share with us in the comments!

The post These 15 Marriage Truths Are Hard to Deny appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

These 15 Marriage Truths Are Hard to Deny

Everyone’s marriage is different in big and small ways, but it’s also true that all marriages have some big and small things in common.

If you’re married, sometimes it can feel as if no one understands what goes on behind closed doors, and I find posts like this to be helpful in reminding me that people get it, at least a little.

Here are 15 truths that, if you’re married (or have been married) you can’t deny are true.

15. Sex will be frequent and sometimes mind-blowing. Then, for a period, it will be just fine and not as frequent. Then it will be mind-blowing again.

Do your best to roll with the punches.

14. Your spouse will freak out over things that you think are wildly irrational. Looking at those irrationalities as rational and treating them as such is critical. You don’t have to agree with them, but you do need to be compassionate. Emotional invalidation is a killer.

This one is so hard. And so important.

13. Seemingly inconsequential things — how someone arranges the eggs in the fridge, the amount of paper towels they use, if they leave the cabinet doors open, if they accidentally hog the covers at night — will be the gateway to hour-long arguments.

You will know that it’s silly, yet you will not be able to stop.

12. Without independent hobbies, shit will go sideways.

You need to spend time apart.

11. Without regular activities to do together, shit will also go sideways.

It’s a delicate balance.

10. You will go to bed angry sometimes.

You have to sleep, and some arguments aren’t over in a day (or a week).

9. You will wake up angry sometimes.

See above.

8. There will be times when your partner will say something about a past experience that will shock you and remind you that you don’t know them as well as you thought.

This can be a good thing.

7. Talking shit about other couples will be considered a great date night.

It’s a great bonding experience.

6. There’s some truth to this Ogden Nash quote, “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” Understanding how you complement one another is crucial.

Ideally, you both bring strengths to the table.

5. Remembering the little things will solve so many issues. And marriage will make you realize that they’re not actually little things. They’re very, very big things.

The little things are so often the big things.

4. You will hear your spouse tell the same story for 4587 times throughout the course of your marriage.

Just smile and nod at the appropriate junctures.

3. You will go out with other couples and think they are weird or, frankly, the fucking worst. You will go out with couples that think the same of you.

Repeat after me: not everyone has to like you.

2. You will, at some point or another, feel like your partner and the kids have a relationship you could never have.

That is your own mess to deal with, not theirs.

1. Marriages always end poorly. The best-case scenario is that someone dies at the end.

View this post on Instagram

I’m reading The Untethered Soul (yes I said this a year ago. It’s a hard concept to grasp!) and it all boils down to this: do you choose happiness or not? Shit is going to happen to you, stress happens when you resist life’s events. Choose to find the joy. Look for it. Stay committed. Stay conscious. Stay open. No matter what happens to you. Kid skips school. Failed job. Failed marriage. Death. Don’t close. It’s not easy. Everything we’ve been taught says otherwise. We want to protect ourselves. We want to save face. But for what? It keeps us caged. Real freedom comes when we let go of ego, fear of failure and move through life with joy and a sense of adventure. We are here for such a short period of time. Really. Go full force with good intentions. Someone remind me of this tomorrow. ?❤❤ #untetheredsoul #choosejoy #butmykidisfailing #myhusbanddied #acceptlifeevents #choosehappy #whynot

A post shared by Whitney Stropp (@whitney_stropp) on

Depressing food for thought…or maybe that’s just how stuff is. Right? RIGHT?!?!

I already feel less alone, and happier with the way things are!

What do you think it absolutely true about being married? Share with us in the comments!

The post These 15 Marriage Truths Are Hard to Deny appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

People Open Up About Why They Have More Random Sex

People have very strong feelings about casual sex and casual hook-ups, so it’s interesting to get some perspective from the men and women who are actually doing it, instead of only hearing from those who want to offer up opinions about other people.

Here are quotes from 12 people who offered honest answers about why they choose to have casual sex.

These answers are certainly eye-opening. Let’s take a look.

1. Likes a little variety.

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. Need some physical contact.

Photo Credit: Whisper

3. A little (temporary) confidence.

Photo Credit: Whisper

4. For the thrill of it.

Photo Credit: Whisper

5. That’s a new one.

Photo Credit: Whisper

6. Do what you want.

Photo Credit: Whisper

7. Not very satisfying.

Photo Credit: Whisper

8. Maybe a little cold-blooded?

Photo Credit: Whisper

9. For one reason only.

Photo Credit: Whisper

10. Some human contact.

Photo Credit: Whisper

11. Need to feel validated.

Photo Credit: Whisper

12. Paying the bills.

Photo Credit: Whisper

There is some pretty fascinating insight into that mindset from those answers, don’t you think?

Do you have any opinions on casual sex?

Let us know what you think in the comments, please. We’d love to hear from you!

The post People Open Up About Why They Have More Random Sex appeared first on UberFacts.