Category: Relationships

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People Share What Makes Them Happy to Be Alive

Yes, life is unfair.

Yes, life seems like it can sometimes be totally unbearable.

But life is also beautiful and, guess what? We only get shot.

So we might as well make the best of it.

What makes you happy to be alive?

Here’s what AskReddit users had to say.

1. The good stuff!

“Maaaan, all the good in this world. Joking around and laughing with your friends untill you can’t breathe anymore. A random dog running up to you to sniff your butt. Getting your first kiss.

The smells from bakeries when you head out in the morning. Staring at the moon late at night knowing there’s someone out there doing the same. Hugging your parents after not seeing them for a while. Cuddling with you SO after you did the beep peep skadidly doo.

A stranger’s baby smiling at you when you’re waiting for a bus. The taste of the watermelon on a hot summer day and laying on the couch under a blanket watching the flames in the fireplace on a cold winter evening.

Listening to the music in your bed on a Friday night knowing you don’t have to set up an alarm for tomorrow. Texting your crush late late at night both of you being deadass tired but neither one wanting it to stop. The feeling of accomplishment when you finally learn to tie your shoes yourself.

When you finally reach the bathroom after having to pee really bad. Telling a joke and the whole group of people laughs. Reading a book at the seaside while the sun unbeknownst to you slowly burns in a dick a sibling drew on your back with the sunscreen.

Finally beating a game you’ve been playing for weeks. Making a meme yourself and thousands of strangers on reddit like it too. When you inconsistently water your cactus but the cactus is just fine with it and it blooms to thank you and you didn’t even know cactuses can bloom.

When you’re really tired after a workout and your muscles are sore the next day but hey you know you did something good for yourself. Starving yourself because you know grandma is going to cook your favorite meal and you HAVE to eat it all.”

2. Little things.

“The amount of beauty in the world that we lived in.

Tonight, after a long day of dealing with stuff thay nobody should ever have to go through, I looked up whike walking to my car in the parkinglot at the black night sky, and saw dozens of brightly lit stars shining down at me.

It was an amazing sight, and made me think that light, even though it took it millions to billions of years, can still reach me.

It’s little things like that which helps keep me going.”

3. The future.

“I live for the future.

I love to observe what goes on around me and predict what may happen based on those observations. That is also how I view my personal life, and I love to see how I grow and develop with each interaction and event in my life.

Cheers!”

4. Honor those who are gone.

“My parents are both gone and my best friend who is a dog is also gone, all way too soon.

I find that living life with positivity honors them and the years they missed out on.

I now have two girls that help every moment to fill that void.

Stay positive.”

5. Learned how to manage.

“I attempted suicide as a teenager.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned coping skills and how to better manage stress in my life. Today I am married to my best friend, have three amazing kids, a career that I enjoy, and friends that I know I can count on.”

6. Limited time.

“The thought that you can’t go back keeps me here.

You only have a limited time to enjoy everything you can, and you have to use it wisely. The fact that it will all end makes the here and now sweeter.

You have to enjoy things while you can.”

7. You’re in charge.

“As long as you’re alive, you have control. Even if you’re a prisoner on death row, you still get to decide to stand up or sit down. You still get to think.

If you’re dead, that’s all over. Every version of the afterlife I’m aware of removes all autonomy and you become a slave of either the god or the underworld. And if there is no afterlife, then I guess you just kinda cease to exist.

Either way, no more autonomy, so ending it all because you feel like you’ve lost control over your life or have nothing to live for doesn’t make logical sense, because even a 0.1% chance of regaining some sense of autonomy is better than no chance at all.”

8. It’s worth it.

“There’s always a reason to live, even though it may not always be obvious.

For example, if my time ended on this world right now, I would miss out on so much. I couldn’t eat White Castle again, watch Amphibia season 2, witness 4/20/2069, or go to more Rubik’s Cube competitions. Life isn’t always easy, but there is something that will always motivate me and let me know that it’s all worth it.

I cannot wait to experience the future and all the beauty and pain it holds.”

9. This. Right here.

“The possibilities of how to create each day are endless, the joy that can be had in every moment is limitless, the miracle of living is awesome and wonderful.

I’m grateful to be a part of it.”

10. A big world out there.

“Why not? The world is so big and is waiting to be discovered!

Why be sad when you’re one of hundreds of millions and more sperm cells to be lucky to be alive. There are plenty of people, plenty of science, culture and undiscovered stuff.

By living in the 21st century the medicine has gotten far better than anytime before. Live life to the fullest and regret nothing because the youth is the chance to actually LIVE and do a lot of things, try new other stuff, make mistakes and troubles. Live life when young so you can remember good ol’ days when you get older.

Have something to tell your children and grandchildren one day!”

11. Keep on truckin’.

“Life sucks at times, but not always.

I keep reminding myself that life can get better but death is so final and it may suck more than life so that’s a pretty big gamble might as well keep on truckin.”

12. A miracle.

“Just to get to be a part of life is so amazing. I think people take for granted what a miracle we are and all that has gone into getting us as far as we’ve gotten.

If you even just look at a wooden chair there’s probably hundreds of inventions that went into it. From the tools that ultimately built it, to the very materials and coatings used in both the chair and everything else involved in its construction you’ll see thousands of years worth of advancement that no other species known in all of existence has done.

That’s just for a basic chair, the device you posted this from represents probably involves millions of brand new ideas that people who came before you thought up to make things better for us.

We get to be part of, and even contribute to, such an amazing thing as humans, and we’ve done it in such a short time too, the oldest human fossil is what, about 50k years old? If you look at our planet, our universe, that’s so incredibly short, and we’ve already basically conquered our own planet with our eyes toward space.

I guess it’s difficult to explain but just getting the chance to be a part of such a miracle has overwhelmed me since for a long time.”

13. The senses.

“I live to get completely lost in my senses.

We are so lucky to be able to even see, hear, smell, touch, or taste. We could just not exist and never experience anything but we are somehow here on this planet. I love starring at trees, clouds, mountains, and stars.

There’s something special about becoming just a witness instead of conceptualizing and judging.”

14. It’s a gift.

“Everything is just so wild, awesome, this whole society feels like a gift.

This is hard to put in words, but looking at any singular object fills me with a sense there’s so much of things to see/know/feel. So many things to BE. I’m privileged as fuck and the least I could do is be grateful to live in here in the West.

Also I wanna see a Dyson sphere sunrise, I wanna live on Mars. I wanna see my kids grow up on the Moon daring one another to steal the Andy Warhol penis painting from the Apollo 11 landing site.”

15. Not done yet.

“I was in a bad car accident that should have left me dead.

I like to think my job isn’t done just yet.”

16. To be human.

“To make mistakes. To err. To learn. To experience. To laugh, and to love. To be very much human. To look forward to tomorrow, a brighter day, with endless hope. To see another smile, feel the brush of wind, and smell freshly-cut grass. To hold a child up high, and hope the same for it.

But also to cry, to despair and to lose hope. To be heartbroken, gutted and lost. To feel no end to the darkness, and become despondent. To be blind in a world without light, without a guide and without direction. To feel completely helpless.

And then to rise once more, with empathy, love, cadre and affection from close family and friends. To find direction once more, to forgive and forget, and crucially, to offer a hand to anyone in a plight similar.

To Be Utterly Human.”

Now we want to hear from you about what makes you happy in life!

Talk to us in the comments!

Thanks and have a great day!

The post People Share What Makes Them Happy to Be Alive appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Talk About Why They Like to Be Alive

Life has a habit of knocking you down, dragging you around, and making you feel like you can’t get up again.

So why do we get back on our feet?

Because life is amazing! And those really tough times make you stronger and when times are good, you can point to those heartaches and realize they shaped you into the person you are.

So enjoy the little things, take care of your family and friends, work hard, and do your best to BE HAPPY.

Let’s see how AskReddit users responded to this question.

1. Get through the BS.

“There are many things that make me like being alive, like my best friends, my husband, his daughter, my dog, a future.

I just have to wade through all the bullshit to enjoy them.”

2. Your purpose.

“Even though I need to remind myself sometimes, I like to be alive because my husband and family give me joy and purpose. Ultimately, I need to not be so hard on myself sometimes, and I think most people could relate to that.

I need to take more joys in my successes rather than think, “Cool, finally didn’t fuck something up,” which is what I tend to do.”

3. All the small things.

“Seeing people’s faces when they get a nice text. Getting the window seat on a plane. Playing with babies.

Flipping through a stack of records. Hitting the rev limiter. Perfectly ripe watermelons. My dog. Everything lavender scented. A goal scored with 2 minutes left in the 3rd. When the coffee/cream/sugar balance is flawless.

Painting a room with friends. The electrical buzz when you walk downtown after rain. Overdressing for events. Finding something you thought was lost forever.

I could write a million of these and they change every day.”

4. Nearing the end.

“I’m terminally ill and the closer I’ve gotten to death the more I’ve just sat back and watched nature, genuinely stopping to smell the roses. It’s the little things in life that make life worth living.

The family of birds in a nearby tree communicating with each other. The dog  you wake up every morning to and can’t wait to see you and be around you.”

I even oddly like watching the trees rustle on a windy day. Watching my fish swim around their aquarium. Valuing the time and memories I make with my wife and friends.

People that say life isn’t worth living need to try their very best to smell the roses, watch the sun rise or Sun set. I know sometimes life really can get us down in the dumps but life is truly beautiful.”

5. Kiddos.

“I have two kids.

Every day they annoy the crap out of me and each other. But they also bring me great joy.

They are smart, funny and find joy in the world in ways that I never knew possible.”

6. Found your happy place.

“My husband and our dogs.

All throughout high school I told myself that I wouldn’t live beyond 21 years old and truly believed it. Depression kicked my ass back then.

My now husband and I met when I was 19 and I swear he saved me. Four years later and I’ve never been so happy in my entire life.”

7. Music.

“Music.

Can’t read it. Can’t carry a tune. Know nothing about playing an instrument, except silent night on a keyboard, know nothing about arrangement, song writing, none of it.

But when a song hits that sweet spot, where you can feel your heart rate get faster, you start slightly sweating, the hairs on your arm stand on end and you go all goose pimply and “electric”, so much so you see colours…

That’s what keeps me alive. Its a high I can chase and get results fairly often with the only side effects being listening to a song so much it gets old quickly….or eventually tinnitus.”

8. The road back.

“It’s officially been one year since I almost ended my life, and I’m pretty proud of it and wanted to share it.

It’s always the little things that keep me going. Sunsets, endorphin rushes after workouts, pancakes, little moments of joy with my friends, art, trying new things, etc.

I don’t always feel better than that day a year ago, but I know that there will always be moments in the future that I will feel better that make everything worth it.”

9. Too much fun.

“There are so many things that I want to learn as well as so many things that I want to be good at!

I love working hard and seeing progress and improvement, it’s just too fun.”

10. I like these things.

“The woods and the ocean.

Getting the giggles that don’t quit with anyone, but especially with a close friend. I don’t think there’s anything better.”

11. Ups and downs.

“Although life goes ups and downs, I’m pretty happy how its going.

Last year I graduated from college and I have a great job, good friends and a loving family. My only wish is I could get a nice GF, but I always have one million reasons to thank for being alive :).”

12. There you go.

“I LOVE to smoke weed.”

13. Keep moving forward.

“Because I haven’t figured it out yet.

I’ve been struggling with depression for so long now but what’s always kept me going is I haven’t found that thing that just kinda ties it all together. Now at this point I just have to see what it is.

If the statement is true of good things come to those who wait then I’m hoping things get pretty good eventually.”

14. All you need.

“Laughing with my wife

snuggling on the couch with my daughter

playing Pokemon with my son

listening to people whose hearts are broken

hot pepperoni pizza with peppercinis

hot coffee on cold mornings

singing loudly and poorly off-key

the smell of freshly baked bread

smiling at strangers

telling bawdy jokes over beers and whiskey

peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches

sleepy cats in my lap

crisp apples

playing portal 2 again

the sound of snow after it has fallen

thunderstorms

new sharpie markers.”

15. A good story.

“I met a blind guy at the bar tonight, we started talking about normal small talk, he asked me what I did for work after my rambling on about my job for a few minutes I asked him what he did for work, he responded “well it’s kind of complicated”.

I said back to him “please don’t tell me you’re a truck driver” he laughed harder than I’ve seen anyone laugh in a long time. Long story short, sometimes people that have life harder than you need to laugh and you might just be the person to loosen up their lives or whatever.”

Okay, now it’s your turn!

In the comments, tell us why you like to be alive.

We look forward to hearing from you!

The post People Talk About Why They Like to Be Alive appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Who Didn’t Know Their First Love Was Weird Until They Dated Someone Normal

The funny thing about the first person you do anything with is that you just assume that’s the only way to do things. Which is fine, if it’s good, but another story altogether if it turns out to be bad.

Or, as is the case with some of these people, just plain weird.

These 18 people dated that first person for a long time, and they’re here to tell you what came as a shock when they first got into a relationship with someone knew.

18. Too many guys think foreplay all happens in the bed.

Not every guy wants to throw on Motown and slow dance with you. Some of them don’t even care to touch you.

I miss the slow dances.

17. Not all expectations are bad ones.

I see so much horrible things on here, mine is quite tame but here goes.

My first boyfriend would always leave me small presents or notes underneath my pillow if I had to get up earlier than he did. He was quite romantic and told me I love you quite a lot.

When I got a new boyfriend I caught myself looking underneath my pillow for at least a month/2 months in, just out of habit.

16. You can’t make anyone else happy.

My ex put her happiness on me making it my responsibility.

Would demand I stay around and cut my work hours back and then be upset when we wouldn’t have money to go out. Every time I would try and leave I was coerced with sex to stay, because I was young and stupid. After 8 years I had enough I moved 5 states away.

Had a chain of bad relationships that ended, took some time to work on myself and I’m now engaged to an amazing woman I can communicate with share feelings about issues and who values a healthy relationship.

15. The grass is never actually greener unless you water it.

That you should be happy together now, and not constantly waiting for some vaguely defined future where everything’s settled down.

14. I guess it’s how crappy men are.

Psychological abuse.

I have a physical reaction now when my current partners are nice to me when I do something he would have berated me for hours and locked me in my room for. Like, I get a panic attack because my partners are nice to me when I drop a glass, or got laid off, or forgot to unload the dishwasher. And then they don’t bring it up every time they’re irritated with me. My ex was still yelling at me 14 years later for shit I did when we first started dating – shit like I forgot to pick up his laundry from the floor or bought the wrong brand of bacon. At the end there, the lectures lasted hours as he recounted 14 years of offenses.

My current partners? They don’t throw shit in my face that I did the day before. The dissonance is crazy.

I knew the other abuse wasn’t normal, but my step dad is the same way with my mom, so I had no idea, I just thought it’s how men are.

13. Those are both things I’m happy he/she figured out.

Daily binge drinking until I realized a) I’m an alcoholic and b) hetero relationships don’t work when one partner tries to drink the gay away

Only took me 9 years but I got there eventually

12. Not everyone’s love language is physical touch.

That some girls, in a relationship, don’t like to kiss as often as others.

I’m just talking about pecks when I/gf gets home etc.

I always enjoyed a hello kiss but I guess some girls don’t?

11. Was he…drunk?

Not me but the girl I’m currently dating said that her first long-term boyfriend would stare at himself in the bathroom for an hour or so before going to bed each night.

10. I’m emotionally spent just reading this.

being cowed into an “open arrangement” = normal.

Him introducing me to “friends” while hanging out or going to parties and then him telling me later in the evening after the ice had broken that they were actually the girl(s) he was fucking. Capitulating to his insistence that we continue to hang out even though I was uncomfortable with knowing this new information. = Normal.

Him making unwelcome and uncomfortable comments to other women I was friends with in front of me to attempt to orchestrate threesomes that I was not ok with.= Normal

If you love me, you’ll chase after me = Normal

If you love me you’ll leave face time up at all times so I can see whats going on in your dorm = Normal

If you love me you will not show any sad or mad emotion because it ruins my mood = Normal.

9. Well that made me giggle.

I thought most guys liked having their nipples played with because my first ex did. My second boyfriend was so confused when i started licking his tiddy lmao

8. If it’s the right person, the work is always worth it.

People’s love languages are all different. It’s especially jarring when you have a lot of experience doing things a certain way, and then finding out that isn’t what somebody else needs. It can take some work to figure out what’s inherent to yourself and what was learned from your partner.

7. Everyone’s libido is different so she probably wasn’t trolling you.

She made me believe the old TV tropes of women NEVER wanting sex. I had to work my ass off to get her to give me some action.

The next girl I had was just fucking amazed that I didn’t just ask for it when I wanted it. The bewildered look on her face when she finally asked “You realize I’m horny too right?”

6. When they can make you believe anything they want.

My ex basically taught me that it wasn’t okay for me to be upset about things. Every time I would get my feelings hurt (even when I was upset about something completely unrelated to him) it was somehow flipped around so I ended up reassuring and comforting him. That shit really messed me up, and I basically had to relearn how to be vulnerable with my SO. He also had a very solid plan of how he expected me to live my life, basically his main goal for me was to have kids and be a good housewife. Yikes.

On the bright side, nowadays I’m happily engaged and my fiance treats me with so much love and respect. He’s supportive of my dreams and we are able to lean on each other in times of hardship.

5. What a fantastic moment.

I texted my then new girlfriend about where I was and who I was with about every 30 minutes.

After the 3rd time, she told me that she didn’t need to get updates on what I was doing, and to just let her know when I got home safe. I remember feeling almost a physical weight being lifted off my chest because I didn’t have to worry about my girlfriend freaking out if I didn’t update her.

I learned what trust felt like that night.

4. I know this isn’t funny, but maybe it will be someday.

That every time was essentially a quickie.

Almost a whole decade of nothing but 5 thrusts and then blast off.

After that relationship ended I felt like Jasmine on a magic carpet ride….a whole new world.

3. Relationships are hard, but not every day.

This is morbid but I thought it was normal to argue every day. I thought ‘all couples have their bickering’ and it was just a regular thing.

I was astounded when I went into my next relationship and actually got on with the guy and went weeks and weeks without having any issues. It always felt like the bubble was going to burst. Goes to show – don’t stay in a relationship just because you’ve already invested a tonne of time. You get one life, spend it with someone who makes you laugh every day.

2. This sounds like it’s going to work out.

It wasn’t super long term, only about a year but when you’re in high school that’s fairly long term.

My ex was a very clingy dude, sweet but would follow me around every social gathering and get jealous of me spending time with my friends. When I started dating the guy who is now my husband I remember looking around at a party early on of mostly my friends that he hadn’t met before and I couldn’t find him. I asked someone where he was and he was out by the fire with a group of people chatting and hanging out.

I was astonished that we could just go our separate ways in a social setting and that was totally fine, we didn’t have to be attached at the hip the whole time.

1. This is so depressing.

Porn is not a documentary.

Being used as a sex doll, contorted into uncomfortable positions, and pounded until you bleed, can’t stand up, or just break down crying from the pain isn’t normal, nor is anal sex a necessity. We were both virgins and he had major porn brain.

I thought I was bad at sex and would never be able to have a positive experience with intimacy until I finally left him and was with my second boyfriend.

I’m ok now, but wow was that a horrible person to lose my virginity to.

I think stuff like this is just plain fascinating!

Which of these surprised you the most? Could you add something to the list? Tell us what it would be in the comments!

The post People Who Didn’t Know Their First Love Was Weird Until They Dated Someone Normal appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Who Had Zero Sex Ed Recall How They Learned the Basics

If you live in the U.S., there’s a good chance that your sex education was lacking. A few lectures in middle school, maybe an awkward talk from your parents, and everyone assumed you were good to go.

While that definitely wasn’t true thirty years ago, the advent of the internet and the shocking availability of porn may have rendered the “what goes where” talk completely pointless to Gen Z (and beyond).

These 16 people, though, had absolutely zero clue what was going to happen the first time they were intimate with another human being, and they’re willing to dish on just how they figured it all out.

16. Bless their hearts.

Still better than a couple my dad once counseled.

They didn’t understand why they hadn’t conceived after trying for a year.

Turns out there was a slight language barrier – they didn’t understand that “sleep together” was a euphemism.

They were literally just lying next to each other every night.

15. He didn’t know you had to move it.

This was in 1998.

I was M 17, she was F 18. We had the day set. I drove around for like a week trying to find a “spot”. I found one inside a wilderness preserve. The day comes, it was late, dark outside. We were in a tiny truck, the front on of the truck, not the bed. I knew it had to be hard, and where it went, and that was the end of my knowledge. So, she had a condom, I put it on, and I put it in. And.. I… didn’t… move… I just put it in and laid there perfectly still. Needless to say, it didn’t take long for things to go south. Now, I had masturbated plenty in my life, but I honestly thought that had nothing to do with the movements required for actual sex. So, it went soft, I was embarrassed, and I got out of the truck. The condom was no longer really useful. She told me to throw it out and try again. I was worried, but she reassured me that it would be fine. She ended up telling me a lot of lies over the next few years. (Actually, it was fine, but that was still dumb on our part). Anyway, I manually got hard, trying to hide what I was doing from her.

This time, I did the “masturbate” movements while I was inside her, even it it made me seem like a weirdo by moving during sex, just trying to make something happen. Well, it happened, and I was relieved. Now, to get out of there. I had pulled into an area of the woods where there was a small pull in. When I reversed out, I reversed into a ditch. Not a large ditch, but definitely stuck in the mud now. No amount of forward or reverse would get us out. We had no phones, this was just before cell phones became common. So, we began a 1-mile walk through this wilderness preserve at night. Talk about being scared. We came across a house, a random house with a big dog. I wanted to skip that house, but it was the only one for another mile. So, we went to the door, knocked, and told the suspicious home owner we were stuck and asked to use their phone. I had a friend, actually more of an acquaintance, with a truck. I had to guess at his dad’s name to look them up in the phone book. I got a hold of him, and then we waited with these strangers for 30 minutes or more. He shows up, pulls my truck out, and charges me for gas money.

I get home way past curfew, I’m grounded from seeing her anymore. Of course, that doesn’t stop me, I was a man as of that night. Albeit an awkward man. I went on later to marry that girl.

14. It’s quite the realization.

I grew up super duper religious.

My mom didn’t even really explain what my period was. I went to school and they provided information like sex ed and period education, but I never really got it. From the diagrams, I never figured a penis could/would get hard. So for YEARS I honestly though that both people would lie on their backs and kinda jenga their genitals together yoga style.

But then I was like 14 and I found out that a PENIS CAN GO FROM SOFT TO HARD LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??? Is it a solid or a liquid?!?!

Turns out if you do it right, its both

13. I literally don’t know what to say.

Never received any Sex Ed when I was younger. While watching porn I always thought “why doesn’t his schlong have the extra bit of skin mine does?”

Time goes on and my first gf is coming over to mine for the first time when my parents aren’t home. This is it. Time to lose the V plates. But wait… this extra bit of skin on my cum gun hasn’t fallen off yet!

So, in a panic, I decide to get the scissors and just snip off this excess skin. Had them primed and ready to slice my banjo string when I get a knock at the door. My gf had inadvertently saved me from savagely mutilating my own genitals.

Thankfully she was more educated on the topic and got me through losing my virginity unharmed

12. There’s a certain danger in that.

We learned in biology how reproductive organs work but they didn’t mention sex.

They just spoke about each individually.

I learned about sex from porn.

11. I mean. That’s part of it.

I had only seen sex on tv. And of course on tv they never show them actually having sex so I thought people just viciously tore their clothes off and then lay in bed naked

10. I think that’s what the world wants you to think is the “standard.”

I grew thinking all humans had penises. Like I was even shown a vagina one time and I thought they had tucked it in smh

9. I don’t think it would have taken long to figure out that wouldn’t work.

I remember learning from porn that the testicles do not actually go in the vagina. Just glad I got that little tid-bit sorted out before my big moment

8. I’m not sure this is the right area to self-teach in.

Didn’t receive any proper sex ed classes at school or any talks from my parents. I just accidentally stumbled upon porn when I was really young. Like in middle school/elementary school and as I got older. I did research on the female vagina. Mainly just studied the diagrams and learned how everything worked. So you can say I self taught myself.

My first time was still pretty bad, but it could’ve been MUCH worse.

7. This is a whole lot of information.

Throwaway cuz this shits fucking embarrassing.

I was very sheltered, like absolutely no movies with sex and even kissing scenes had to be skipped/eyes averted. Always taught not to kiss until marriage. Sex was taboo, and to this day I still have some irrational shame talking openly about it. The only people I socialized with at all were like me, extremely sheltered and old fashioned (small town, small church, small school). Had “sex ed”, but it never actually taught us about sex, just basic anatomy – I think it was 20 minutes once a year, only in grade 5 and 6.

First time I got a boner, maybe 13 idk but I thought the head of my dick was gonna fall off as soon as the foreskin pulled back behind that edge and it freaked me out. I sat on the toilet for a good while just holding the foreskin forward until it went away on its own.

First time I masturbated I was I think 17. My dick was disgusting. Because I had never done it before and never really played with my dick at all, and nobody told me anything about cleaning it, there was years of dick cheese (aka dead skin and all that stuff) that built up into a several mm thick layer under my foreskin. I don’t remember a smell, but hard to imagine how there wasn’t one.

One night I had a boner randomly in bed and I got super annoyed and just looked at it, and a piece of this dick cheese was sticking out from the edge of the foreskin and starting to come off… so I just carefully (holy shit it was sensitive) pealed it off. Then some more, then some more…it felt amazing. Like pealing dried glue off your finger nails had sex with, well, having sex and this was its baby. I eventually ran out of this nasty fucking shit to clean off but by then I realized that moving the foreskin back and forth on my dick felt amazing…so I kept doing it. Then I sped up. Then I came. Then I knew. I had never cum before then except from wet dreams, and I 100% was convinced I was sterile. So seeing that white stuff come out was almost better than the orgasm itself.

The interesting thing is I’d been looking at porn for years by that point, but somehow masturbation had never even crossed my mind. I just didn’t know it was a thing people did. Someone at school asked me if I masturbated in grade 9 and I didn’t even know what the word meant so I had to go home and look it up, and I tried a few different web searches but all I found was that its when guys “put their penis between the mattress and boxspring and thrust”. Which I thought was super fucking weird and painful and why do that. To this day I have no idea how nothing more explicit came up on that altavista search but that’s how I remember it.

To this day I’m actually pretty self conscious about the whole thing. Like how fucking dense was I that I took so long to figure such a basic human exercise out? How disgusting is it that I didn’t figure out how to clean my own dick? Wtf was I thinking about when I looked at all that porn? Am I fucking autistic? (Probably to some extent).

6. It’s important to have an understanding (and willing) partner.

When I was 16, I was lucky enough to have a girlfriend as inexperienced as I was. All we knew was that we wanted to do naked, sexy stuff together. It took a few nights, but we figured it out.

5. It’s an awkward moment when you realize your parents do it.

A slightly unrelated story about my friend.

I was a year older than her, and told her everything because I had discovered it just discovered it, at 13. She was stunned, and in complete denial, and was about to go and tell my mom that I’d told her about sex.

She kept saying “this is disgusting, my parents could never do that, you’re lying, I’m going to throw up”.

She was literally shaking, and took hours of convincing to get her to not tell my mom.

4. WHERE DID THEY HEAR THIS.

As a parent, I had to explain to my then 6 and 8 year old that no, sex isn’t “when a boy sticks his penis in a girl’s butthole.”

They had a friend who told them that’s what sex was and I just imagined the poor children who never learn any different going into sex for the first time thinking it goes in the booty.

We will explain it all in more detail at some point when they’re a little older but I just think they needed to know they weren’t getting accurate information.

3. There’s always that one buddy at school.

My buddy told me all about it.

The school or my father never mentioned it besides telling me not to have “sex” with my girlfriend years later.

2. You would think, with all of those kids, they’d be more open to discussing how they plan to populate the earth.

I was homeschooled, raised with cattle, and fairly conservative Mormon parents who did not acknowledge sex.

Having participated in several artificial insemination procedures by the age of 10, I thought for the longest time that pregnancy happened when an illiterate cowboy brought a teeny baby cow and shoved it up the ass of a momma cow, or when one got married you requested a baby and a cowboy would show up at your door to shove it on up there.

Luckily, we got the internet in 1998, and I finally learned that a woman got pregnant when a man with a mustache came on her face.

1. Just watch how the other animals do it!

Farm kids learned by example unless exceptionally dense. I remember my little sister asking why the bull kept trying to jump over the cows.

I mean, it’s not all that weird. Hundreds of years ago, people just…figured it out. We’re just one more animal on earth, after all!

If you fall into the “no sex ed” category, we’d love to hear your story in the comments!

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Is Sex With People You Don’t Live With Now Illegal in the United Kingdom?

Obviously, 2020 has been an absolutely wild ride so far.

Yet, even in a year when headlines routinely outshine the most bizarre imaginations, some things still manage to be surprising. Such as the various news outlets this month which have been reporting that sex is now largely illegal in the UK. Or, more specifically, sex with people you don’t already live with. So what’s going on here?

Let’s take a closer look.

Photo Credit: iStock

The motivation

When you hear about a law like this, your mind might leap to antiquated, prudish, Puritanical motives surrounding sexuality, like how some U.S. states still technically have statues outlawing “sodomy.”

But that’s not what we’re looking at here.

In fact, the sex aspect is sort of incidental; collateral damage taken as a part of trying to repair a larger problem.

Photo Credit: iStock

It’s about the virus

Like pretty much the entire world, the UK has implemented lockdown restrictions this year to slow the spread of disease.

The things that are officially off limits by law (for now) are indoor gatherings, which, as Mashable reports, are defined as:

“when two or more people are present together in the same place in order to engage in any form of social interaction with each other, or to undertake any other activity with each other.”

Obviously, if you can’t go over to someone’s house to hang out, you can’t go over to have sex. At least, not without risking a fine.

Photo Credit: iStock

Is this new?

Sort of.

The main difference with the legislation that went into effect at the start of June is that before, the “guest” would be in trouble, but now, both/all parties involved could face consequences.

The main gist of the “stay the hell at home” guidelines really haven’t changed much, and in fact have generally loosened as the year has gone on.

Is there any way around this?

There are, of course, various exceptions to the lockdown rules, though certainly none of them are designed to give you an excuse to go get your freak on.

Social gatherings are still allowed in outdoor spaces, though outdoor/public sex is and always has been illegal and would likely get you into a whole lot more trouble than a simple lockdown violation, so no loophole there either.

Photo Credit: iStock

What happens to people who break this law?

Not much.

The default fine is £100 (about $123), which for most people is enough to sting but not enough to mess up your life. As with everywhere else, authorities in the UK really do not have the interest in nor the resources for running around punishing every last lockdown violation; the point of the law is get enough people to behave responsibly so that the virus can remain at least relatively under control.

For some, that may mean some more lonely nights.

What do you think of all this?

Let us know in the comments.

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Funny Memes About Being Single

If you’re single, you know it has its pros and cons.

First, the pros: no one tells you what to do, you don’t have to answer to anyone ever, and you can eat pizza every single night if you want to.

Now, the cons: soul-crushing depression and loneliness, no sense of accomplishment, and you don’t get to split half of the bills with someone.

It’s a real toss-up, huh? I know where I stand…

Forget about all that for now and let’s enjoy these funny memes about single!

1. Sure I do!

Just of a different variety…

Photo Credit: someecards

2. That was fast.

They won’t try that one again.

Photo Credit: someecards

3. That’s not happening.

Did they learn a lesson?

Photo Credit: someecards

4. It’s much easier to just give advice.

The actual relationship part? A little bit harder.

Photo Credit: someecards

5. No, another one.

Sorry, pal…

Photo Credit: someecards

6. I’ll be over here drinking a beer.

Always the seventh wheel.

Photo Credit: someecards

7. Not a great idea.

It won’t end well…trust me…

Photo Credit: someecards

8. Hey, this isn’t bad.

I can get used to this!

Photo Credit: someecards

9. Didn’t go as planned.

But that’s okay!

Photo Credit: someecards

10. Might be here for a while…

Maybe even decades…

Photo Credit: someecards

11. This is the life!

And here is my Bill of Rights.

Photo Credit: someecards

12. I don’t actually play the game.

But I can dish it out with the best of ’em!

Photo Credit: someecards

Hahahaha. Those are pretty hilarious, if I do say so myself.

Now we want to hear from you.

If you’re single, talk to us in the comments and tell us you’re happy about it or if you’re looking for a partner in crime.

We’d love to hear from you.

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Wives Who Are Super Patient With Their Husband’s Hijinks

Pranks can be funny or annoying, and honestly, a lot of times it depends on your mood. If you’ve had a rough day, sometimes a laugh is just what you need…and sometimes it has you contemplating divorce.

These 13 husbands are always ready to take their chances, though, and I guess a sense of humor is one of the things that keeps a relationship alive!

13. Imagine opening the fridge to find this.

There is no way you couldn’t laugh.

12. I’m surprised her eyes didn’t roll right out of her head.

Honestly, though, that’s about the perfect amount of milk.

11. This is how you know it’s going to be a good night.

Is it a hint? A confession? A suggestion? It’s all part of the fun!

10. Someone has way too much time on his hands.

This would be a pretty fun way to make breakfast,though.

9. It’s best if they fear you a bit.

And by “they” I mean “everyone.”

8. This is how you learn to be more specific.

Even when you really, really shouldn’t have to.

7. I’m sure the neighbors loved that.

You have to salute his creativity, though.

6. The amount of work that went into this is either sad or impressive.

You decide, because I can’t.

View this post on Instagram

#marchmeetthemaker ‘Love to make’ – so for today’s prompt – we’ve gone a bit off piste. Obviously I love to make artwork. And I love to make our products to be able to see our designs come to life. But you know what else we love to make? We love to make people laugh ? The above picture was taken late one night after I grumbled to Howard about repeatedly leaving the toothpaste lid off. I came into the bathroom to see that every lid from from every item had been removed and incorporated in this cheeky little set up ? So here you are.. a little incite into our lives.. that’s how we roll through the week people #meetthemaker #lovetomake #lego #playmobile #duplo #funnyhusband #daftapeth #ohhowwelaughed

A post shared by Lighthouse Lane (@lighthouse_lane_ltd) on

5. Just a few edits…

No generic cards for this lady.

4. You know it took him so much longer to find a way to stick the spoon up than to just write it down.

Going above and beyond in the name of humor, this one.

3. This is grounds for divorce.

Also I hope he cleaned up the pee she inevitably left on the floor.

2. I don’t think they’re going to accept this at the grocery store.

Maybe at the one your kid runs out of the dining room.

1. Awww, sweet and funny.

A real double-threat guy.

I know I’m not married to these guys, but some of these are honestly funny.

What’s the best/worst prank your spouse has ever pulled on you? Tell us in the comments!

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Tweets That Might Prove Ladies Are the Funniest

We do a lot of Twitter articles in these parts, but this one is by ladies and for ladies. I mean, I’m not a lady. But I didn’t write any of these tweets. So think of me more as a tour guide to point out the works of art that are these posts, and let’s appreciate them together. Feel free to touch, though, since you’ll probably need to in order to scroll through.

Here are 10 quite good very great tweets especially for women.

10. Seize the moment

(OK real talk from a guy, this is the quickest possible way to start some trust issues.)

9. Coco nuts

Why the hell would he ask that? What’s wrong with him?

8. A matter of perspective

Hey, this is all of us. And if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that nobody looks good in the video chat.

7. Higher ground

See, if I did this, the whole thing would come crashing down and I’d get banned from the grocery store. Again.

6. Stretch and flex

So it’s basically like an involuntary yoga thing.

5. Color commentary

The real question is: do they all still fit?

4. How low can you go

Looking like you don’t care takes a lot of effort.

3. Pocket monsters

When will the fashion revolution finally be at hand?

2. Dry wit

OK, this phenomenon I genuinely don’t understand. Who the hell DOESN’T like showers?

1. 50 shades

Fun fact: generally speaking, women tend to actually, physically be able to perceive more colors than men.

This concludes our tour of the gallery. Please feel free to take any of the artwork with you if you’d like. We’re a very chill museum.

Who are your favorite women on Twitter to follow?

Let us know in the comments.

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If You’re Single, These Funny Posts Should Look Familiar

Being single can be pretty lonely and sad on occasion, but look at it this way: think about all the poor folks who shacked up RIGHT BEFORE the worldwide lockdown and who now can’t stand each other and think they made the biggest mistake of their lives.

I’m doing just fine by myself on my couch, thank you very much…

Oh, also, I spend a big chunk of my free time crying on that couch…

Are you ready to laugh at some hilarious posts about being single?

Let’s get started!

1. The good stuff!

All you can eat!

2. Those days are over.

And they’re never coming back!

3. Yeah, pretty much.

It’s a sad state of affairs out there…

4. Yes! I love it!

Use all the pillows you need, buddy.

5. Time to run away!

It was fun while it lasted, though.

Photo Credit: someecards

6. Pure and simple.

With no distractions.

7. This is actually brilliant.

Get this guy a job!

8. Need someone around to feel safe.

But then you get over it…

9. There you go.

Time to take care of #1.

10. Yeah, it’s pretty bad.

Just focus on yourself for now! You’ll be fine!

11. Sounds like quite a day.

Treat yourself!

I guess being single can be kind of a mixed bag. A lot of ups and downs…kind of sounds like being in a relationship…

What do you think? Is it good or bad?

Do you prefer to be single or to be paired up with someone?

Talk to us in the comments, we look forward to hearing from you.

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People Share Their Really Bad “Nice Guy” Dating Stories

“Nice guy” is a very loaded phrase. As in, “girls don’t like nice guys like me!!” It’s a pretty juvenile perspective that seems predicated on the idea that if a man does enough nice things for a woman, she owes him some kind of affection. It’s a huge red flag most would run away from, and for good reason, as demonstrated by this huge Reddit thread. The whole thing kicked off with user targetgoldengoose taking to r/AskReddit to say:

Has anyone ever given a "nice guy" a chance after they’ve thrown a tantrum because you didn’t let them treat you like a queen? And if you did, how did it work out? from AskReddit

Thousands of responses came in. Spoiler alert: they were not great.

1. There’s so much fragility in these stories.

I finally allowed him to take me on a date to breakfast. Figured midday would be ideal to meet up in public.

I offended him immediately when I spoke to the waitress. I said, “We have two” when she asked how many we had. He insisted that she was asking him, not me, and I emasculated him in public. I laughed it off as a joke. I grew up with all brothers. Surely, he was trying to be funny.

We sat down. The waitress asked for our order. I gave her mine. He groaned and asked her to come back in a second. He told me proper protocol was for me to discuss what I wanted to eat with him, allow him to make the decision, and he was supposed to relay that to the waitress – not me!

I told him he was crazy and left. Blocked his number. Ghosted completely.

– AndThenThereIsJess

2. If your personality is based on knocking others down, you’re probably not doing great.

My wife did while she was in college.

He had constant low self esteem which annoyed her, he also loved making fun of other people. Sounds like he was just a toxic guy.

When she broke up with him he wrote a suicide note naming her as the reason and showed up on campus with a gun.

Fortunately nothing happened. He got some therapy and wasn’t allowed back at the school.

– slin25

3. The ego is off the charts.

A girlfriend told me that when she was still new to dating, she gave a nice guy a shot. They were in different states and after weeks of “owing him” a sexy picture or video she agreed to FaceTime him with a wink wink agreement that things might get steamy.

The day comes and this 300lb unwashed dude called her (190lb, 5’6) “nice, but bigger than he liked” and suggested she start working out. He then pushed for an in-person visit near him so that he could show her the wonders of carnal things.

She ghosted him shortly after that.

– milkeymikey

4. Giving endless gifts can be a bit much.

My sister did… She is a hairstylist and one of her clients was very aggressive about asking her out. He repeatedly bought flowers, concert tickets, and other gifts which he brought to her at work, and she said no each time because he seemed a little off.

He got in a car accident and was really badly injured, and she felt sorry for him so she went out with him finally. They dated a few months before breaking up, I don’t know the exact reason why. But after that he started stalking her.

It’s been over 5 years since then and he is still keeping tabs on her. She’s reported him to the police multiple times, has a restraining order, and has blocked him on FB/everywhere else, but every few months he finds a way to contact her.

So if you get weird vibes from someone, don’t give them a chance or you might end up with a lifelong stalker like my sister has.

– Isaac_The_Khajiit

5. Careful of those who always play the victim.

I dated one for 2 years. He seemed nice and was happy when I first started dating him cause girls “didn’t give him a chance due to his looks’. (He was super nerdy, I was 16 and he was 19.) He was very needy and always demanded we do what he wanted. I missed out on a lot of things, including missing out going to see Phantom of the Opera with his mom, because he didn’t want to go and would get sick at the last minute.

When I lost my virginity to him, he said I basically raped him because he didn’t realize he wasn’t ready for something like that till after we had sex. About a year and a half into our relationship he got religious. So then, whenever we had sex, he would want is to pray for forgiveness afterwards. But if I refused sex, I was a cold bitch.

– preyingmantid

6. One recurring element in these stories is how controlling these guys are.

Yes. The tantrums continued throughout the relationship. He was very controlling. If I was out with friends he would be upset that I was having fun without him.

He ended up cheating on me and dumping me only to beg me back. He semi staked me for a couple of years.

Had an online blog about what I did each day and tried to befriend my exes

– Lrad5007

7. Reverence becomes control when you take away someone’s agency.

I was once in a similar situation. I dated a sweet guy. But honestly, “sweet” is subjective. He was a gentleman, but he INSISTED on ALWAYS opening the car door for me (he literally would not let me touch the car handle, like at all), letting me eat first ALWAYS (instead of both at the same time cause honestly it’s not a biggie for me), commented that I should never cut my hair, etc…

I felt like I was with a man from the 50s. It was draining to be treated “like a queen” instead of an equal. Other than that, he was okay.

Anyways, when I broke up with him, I felt like he didn’t want to let me go. Like I had to explain over and over again that I wasn’t feeling it and that he deserved someone that would feel the same way about him.

He hung up the phone with, “you don’t know what you missed out on.”

… Mmmm… Okay, I guess…

– 100_night_sky_

8. Hopefully, we learn these lessons early.

Way too many times in college. I had guys in the “friend zone” who I decided to give a chance because I was stupid and I felt sorry for them

I last straw was when a guy took me shopping. I said “yes” in lonely desperation on a Friday night, this was a Saturday afternoon.

After every store I went into he would either criticize me for not wanting him to buy me anything (I’m not much of a shopper anyways) or ask me for sex because he bought me a used videogame I wanted.

Never again. There’s a good reason incels are incels

– MinMaxMarissa

9. Breaking relationships down to a transaction is dangerous.

Yes. It worked out that he also felt entitled to other things and felt like “no” wasn’t an acceptable answer for things like sex when he “did so much for me.”

– ApricityAmends

10. “Chivalry” is often used as a mask for being a chauvinist.

I was celebrating my last day in a city I had lived in for four years and had invited a bunch of friends out for a night on the town.

And one of these “friends” was a self proclaimed chauvinist who insisted to walk on the outside of the sidewalk. So I thought it was uncomfortable that he kept on switching to the outside as I didn’t feel I wanted that treatment. There are no horse carriages that splash shit on people anymore, I don’t need a walking feces shield, thanks. But he basically ignored my lack of comfort with that and continued to explain that it’s his duty to do that.

He ended up eventually full out yelling at me and I cried and left. That was my own night to hang with people before departing.

– queendorkus

11. Here’s a gender-reversed version of the story.

I had an experience with a ‘nice girl.’ Red flags everywhere, but I have it a shot. Extremely bad situation. It began with her moving into my place without asking within the first 2 weeks, thinking it would be a ‘surprise that I would/should love.’

She didn’t work, but expected me to make all the money AND also do every single chore since it was “my apartment.” It was only “our apartment” when she wanted to decorate something her way or change my stuff around. She had tantrums about everything possible, and if nothing was wrong she’d make something up to lose her mind about.

She also hit me with the “why don’t more guys just want someone who will love them unconditionally?” The irony of that escaped her. Men should want crazy girls because they’re crazy because they love you.

Yeah, fuck that.

– StolenCamaro

12. It sucks to feel like you’re trapped in these things.

I dated a nice guy for 7 months after he cried and begged. He was a ‘friend’ and he made me laugh so I figured ‘why not’.

It was the longest 7 months of my life. He didn’t let me have friends. He didn’t want me to get a job (he said I’d fuck the customers), he cried all the time (especially when he suspected that I loved my sisters more than him). He ended up cheating on me by writing love songs/poems to girls online. I was so happy he did that cause I thought I had to wait until ‘he did something’ to warrant breaking up. Even when I confronted him, he insisted we just go on a break.

Yeah that was the fucking worst

– ToastedMaple

13. Insecurity can get toxic real quick.

Constantly got accused of cheating because I would fall asleep talking to him (you didn’t fall asleep, you went to a party and fucked around).

Let’s see- got called names, etc. And guilt-tripped into staying with him until I finally put my foot down. Stopped staying at his house and fastened to his hip.

And one of my other ex’s always played “nice guy” until I responded with ‘I don’t know’ when he asked when we could hang out and then he replied with “You are ugly anyway”.

Had a good laugh out of that one

– ezmayalice

14. Overall, the posts were not encouraging.

Checks for stories where it worked out well.

*crickets***

– christophersonne

15. But hopefully, people can learn, and change.

I was the ‘nice guy’ who got turned down for a second date. I said the same bullshit that any ‘nice guy’ says when that happens, ie) all women are the same, say they want nice guys, only date assholes, etc.

She said ‘Well, fine, let’s have that second date but doesn’t it make you feel weird to have to convince someone to date you? Don’t you want someone who wants to be with you?’

Me: …

Changed absolutely everything about dating for me.

– WackyNephews

If you find yourself cringing from recognizing any of the behaviors described in this story as the sort of thing you’ve done, don’t give up. Recognize, evolve. Don’t be that “nice” guy.

Have you had experiences with this sort of thing?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post People Share Their Really Bad “Nice Guy” Dating Stories appeared first on UberFacts.