Most of us have pretended to be asleep at some point for various reasons. When you’re a kid, it’s because you’re supposed to be asleep and you were actually reading under the covers. When you’re older, it could be because someone(s) came in your room and they think you’re sleeping, so you play along – or maybe your spouse is coming to bed and you’re not in the mood?
I wouldn’t know anything about that. Ahem.
Sometimes, though, you really wish you hadn’t done that, because you end up hearing something you’ll never be able to get out of your brain again – and these 16 people’s stories will convince you that’s absolutely true.
16. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
‘no wonder people at school think he’s gay’ – my step mum
15. OMG he had to have known!
When I was a kid, I used to be scared of monsters or something creeping up on me in my sleep, so I would always ask my dad to check on me before he went to bed. It made me feel more comfortable. One night, I was still awake when I heard him coming up the stairs, and I wasn’t supposed to be awake and knew I would get in trouble if he saw me, so I pretended to be asleep. He came in to my room and just kinda stared at me for a few seconds, then came up close to my bed, lifted the blanket up, farted under it, turned around and left.
It’s been at least 15 years and I remember that night vividly. He vehemently denies it to this day but I know what happened.
14. Please tell me you’ve never let him live it down.
My older brother in the next room when he snuck a girl in. They had sex for about a minute and then I could hear him apologizing for about 20. May not be the worst ever, but its definitely the funniest.
13. This is horrible.
Late in the comments here. But I heard the news my dad passed away pretending to sleep.
I was 12 at the time, woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Headed to the kitchen to get some water after and saw my sister sitting on the couch. She asked if I could sleep out in the living room with her and I didn’t think anything of it.
Woke up the next morning and kept my eyes closed, I heard my mom telling my dad’s best friend we lost him. I won’t forget it.
12. That will give you nightmares.
My mom and I were sharing a hotel room on a trip and unfortunately only had one bed so we had to share that too. As I was trying to fall asleep, I kept hearing the text tone from my mom’s phone going off and her giggling. My parents hate each other so I knew it wasn’t my dad she was texting with.
Curious, I opened my eyes just a little bit to see that she was flirting with other men while on a trip with her family and I was in fact staring at a dick pic. I couldn’t really go back to sleep after that.
11. More devastating news!
I pretended to sleep through the doctor sitting at my kitchen table telling my dad he had stage 3 cancer. I was 9.
He’s totally fine now! But it really sucked at the time.
10. Why are boys?
Probably the funniest was on a camping trip with the boys. I have sleep apnea and use a cpap machine. I overheard a couple of my mates talking about smoking a joint and hotboxing me through the air intake of my cpap machine.
9. My heart hurts for this little boy.
My father telling my mother that sometimes he just wanted to kill me (I was 5 years old when I overheard this). Being that my Dad was an alcoholic and full of rage I believed him and lived my entire childhood believing he was going to kill me.
8. Ew ew ew this is not okay.
My mum’s boyfriend sloppily trying to fuck my mum all drunk as shit whilst we’re all sharing the same fucking Hotel room. I was 13.
7. Aww, little baby college boy.
Freshman college roommate watching porn on his laptop wearing headphones, humping his mattress like there’s no tomorrow.
6. Ohhhhh man this will do a number.
My mom and aunt talking, thinking 10 year old me was asleep.
Aunt, “Little Runs_N_Goses is so cute.”
Mom, ” No, he’s not very good looking at all.”
5. That puts Matchbox Twenty in a whole new light.
Sleeping over at a friends house when I was 14, all of us on the floor in living room. Couldn’t sleep. Two of my friends (guy and girl) directly next to me start doing freaky things to each other. I was extremely shy and a couple of years younger than them so I stayed quiet and hoped they’d stop. Had to listen to them for an hour while she made weird ass moaning squeaky noises and he was singing (in a weird slightly whispery singy voice) matchbox 20 songs to her while he did whatever he was doing. That was last time I slept over at a friends house.
4. It was definitely Edward Cullen.
I was at my bf’s apartment staying over, his roommate also happened to have some friends who were dating there as well, I was in my bf’s room and they were sleeping in the living room. They were definitely fucking. Weirdest thing of it all were these literal banging sounds, like someone was hitting the fucking wall.
The whole time I had to piss like a mother fucker but getting to the bathroom involved walking by the living room and I did not wanna risk it. When we woke up the next morning someone had ripped a chunk out of one of the curtains and the TV remote was snapped in half… to this day I don’t wanna know what the fuck was going on in there
3. Well this is kind of an amazing story.
My grandparents won $10000 at the casino, and they told all of their children (and presumably gave them some of that money) except my dad. My dad is a dick so I didn’t tell him either.
2. It’s sweet and terrible all at once.
I was a camp counselor… two girls very much liked to make hot or not lists. One of them suggested a male counselor was hot, and the other said he was saying mean things about me behind my back, which made him not hot. Hurt to hear that from my campers, but glad they supported me.
1. At least he found out before something happened.
My “friends” talking about going into my wallet later and steal my money, and then leave before I notice, I kicked them out
I do not know how I would react to these situations, but it wouldn’t be easy, that’s for sure!
Has this ever happened to you? Tell us about it in the comments!
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