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People Share Their Favorite Movie Quotes Of All-Time

We all have our favorite lines of dialogue memorized.

Great dialogue is the heart of film, tv and theatre.

How many films can you quote?

Do you have a film quote for your tombstone?

Mine is from the movie ‘Clue.’ I’m gonna make you guess…

So Redditor No_Housing_4819 wanted to hear what lines no one has forgotten from their favorite films…

They asked:

“What’s your favorite movie quote?”

Let’s talk cinema…

Unforgiven

“Sir, you are a cowardly son of a *itch! You just shot an unarmed man!”

“He should’ve armed himself if he’s gonna decorate his saloon with my friend!”  ~ Axenroth187

“You’d be William Munny, outta Missouri. Killer of women and children.”

“That’s right. I’ve killed women and children. Killed just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another.”

“And I’m here to kill you li’l Bill. For what you did to Ned.” ~ jrf_1973

“I like:”

“ t’s a hell of a thing, killin’ a man. You take all he’s got… and all he’s ever gonna have.”

“Well, I guess they had it comin’”

“We all have it comin’, Kid.”  ~ bolerobell

Doctor Strangelove

“Gentlemen you can’t fight in here, this is the war room!” ~ AlternativeRip4728

“When I did speech and debate in college those of us who qualified for the national championship took a retreat to a cabin in the mountains for a weekend to work on our craft.”

“My head coach brought this movie along and oh man, what a great film. I highly encourage people to watch this film. Peter Sellers is brilliant.”  ~ Pawn_captures_Queen

“I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.”  ~ _stuntnuts_

LEGO FOREVER

“I think I got it. But just in case… tell me the whole thing again I wasn’t listening.”  ~ WTFrickFrackCadillac

“And Octan, they make great stuff! […] Surveillance systems, all history books, voting machines… wait a second.”  ~ StarKnight697

“The fact that I’m seeing so many memorized quotes from the lego movie is making me so happy right now.”

“I was 12 when it was released and I’m gonna be 20 in two months. I miss those days. I’m getting so nostalgic now.” ~ WTFrickFrackCadillac

INCREDIBLE!!

“He starts monologuing! He starts this prepared speech about how feeble I am to him, how my defeat is inevitable, and the world will soon be his, yada yada yada, he’s yammering!”

“I mean the guy has me on a platter, and he won’t shut up!”  ~ Dazzling_Realties

“You sly dog! You got me monologuing!!”  ~ burningfirelily

Villains 

“A hero would sacrifice you for the world but a villain would sacrifice the world for you.” ~ I_Love_Small_Breasts

“If I remember correctly, Weathering with You.”  ~ protein_bars

“His selfish desire to be with an ACTUAL GODDESS.”

“I love how complex and big but also intimate and sad the romance in this movie was.”

“He was a villain for sure, but also my heart was breaking for them the whole movie.”

“I wouldn’t have been any happier if he was a hero; everyone would have lost.”  ~ WinsomeWombat

“They say the villain is selfish, but have anyone thought about this?”

“And what about the hero? What if they sacrifice you just for glory? What if they were the true villain to begin with?”  ~ BasicallyBlu123

Arnold Speaks

“I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle.” ~ 11B-1P-CIB

“Me and my brothers watched T2 almost every night for a month (we couldn’t sleep without tv on and each month was a new movie).”

“We’ve always said ‘ need your clothes, your boots, and your underwear.’”

“And you reminded me of what he actually says lol.” ~ stoicambience

“My friend quotes this all the time, but he remembers it wrong and just says ‘GIMME YA CLOTHES’ in a terrible Arnold accent lol!!” ~ NutSockMushroom

NETWORK

“I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”  ~ UpperUnderstanding77

“One of the criticisms of Chayefsky’s screenplay was that it was too cynical and unrealistic. In hindsight it almost seems quaint.”  ~ DaBake

“YOU HAVE MEDDLED WITH THE PRIMAL FORCES OF NATURE MR. BEALE, AND I WON’T HAVE IT!!!!”  ~ Wagglebagga

When Comedy Mattered

“Who are you? And how’d you get in here?” “I’m the locksmith, and I’m a locksmith.”  ~ parallel_jay

“We’re so sorry about your loss, Wilma. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn’t dead then. -Police Squad”

“Also in the same vein…”

“Trust me, whatever scum did this to your husband, no man on the force will rest until he’s behind bars! Now let’s grab a bite to eat.”

“I wish they could make parodies like they did back then.”

“There seemed to be a legitimate love for the source material they were spoofing, maybe that’s the key ingredient to make them work?”  ~ redfoot62

“My all-time favourite joke. I love it so much.”

“The wording, the delivery, the very existence of this joke are just utterly delicious to me.”

“It’s so clever in its language. I had to think twice when I first heard it, cracked up laughing, and still laugh at it.”

“I read a quote somewhere, I don’t remember where, that ‘the essence of humour is the unexpected’.”

“This joke just hits so perfectly.”  ~ cmdrqfortescue

No Country for Old Men

“All the time you spend tryin’ to get back what’s been took from you there’s more goin’ out the door. After a while you just try and get a tourniquet on it.”  ~ Cells_Interlinked_77

Blade Runner

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.”

“Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.”

“All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.”  ~f**kitillbeanunicorn

Guardians

“When you’re ugly and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are. Beautiful people never know who to trust.” ~ Future_Rooster_3909

“I guess it might seem weird for a comic book movie to dole out some big life lessons, but GotG 2 is chock full of that stuff.”

“Hell, the whole storyline with Peter, Yondu, and Ego is genuinely one of the most touching things I can remember seeing in a movie in a pretty long time.”

“‘He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy.’”

“As someone who grew up without a father, that line bored a hole straight through my soul.”  ~ DextrosKnight

Movies are an essential part of life.

We often get lost in the political Hollywood nonsense of it all, but when we look deeper, we realize, film saves us.

Because when film is at its best, it reflects us.

Keep speaking those lines.

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Therapists Divulge Their Biggest ‘Holy Sh*t’ Moments With Their Patients

Going to therapy is the first big step you should take if you feel like your mental health needs assistance.

If you need it, do it. Don’t be ashamed.

That being said, there is a lot therapists have to deal with on a daily basis, not all of it good. Sometimes they can’t help but judge the people they’re trying to help.

It’s not explicitly said, and from the sounds of it they maintain their professionalism, but sometimes that’s what the internet is best used for—venting your frustrations about what awful people your clients are.

Reddit user, homowithoutsapiens, wanted to know what happens when the hour starts.

They asked:

“Therapists of reddit, what was your biggest “I know I’m not supposed to judge you but holy sh*t” moment?”

Trying To Inform Them Of The Proper Way To Cope

“I work with youth and adolescents who have anxiety, trauma, and/or depression. Some of the kids I worked with had some pretty severe attachment issues. Regardless of this, I never thought I’d have to seriously explain:”

“You can’t just buy a straitjacket for your kid.”

“Feeding your kid ultra Spicy Ramen each night instead of the meal everyone else is eating isn’t specifically defined as abuse, but you have to understand the emotional abuse that this causes.”

“Your kid isn’t trying to kill you because they stand in your doorway at night crying. Thats likely because they’re scared of their traumatic nightmares, but feel like you will just yell at them if they wake you up.” ~ Shozo_Nishi

That’s The Opposite OF Social Distancing.

“Here’s my most recent one: As the pandemic worsened here in the US and more lock downs are on their way, one of my most extroverted clients and I brainstormed ways to meet her social needs while remaining safe.”

“The following week she canceled her session and told me that she’s positive for COVID after attending an orgy, which definitely wasn’t one of our ideas. I let out the deepest most defeated sigh after I hung up the phone.” ~ gyakutai

You Are Allowed To Move On

“Not a judgment – you kind of train your brain not to judge, because you are seeking to understand and help. When you do those things, you can’t simultaneously judge. We could all use a little more of that in real life, I suppose.”

“I’ll share this though. I do feel concerned about this recent phenomenon of young people I worked with self-diagnosing, sharing, and identifying very closely with mental illness; as if the pendulum quickly swung from ‘never, ever share your feelings’ to ‘OMG, you’re depressed? All of us are too!’”

“Life’s challenges can be tough and they don’t need a scientific-sounding label to be valid and real. You are not your diagnosis. We can find validation and support in healthier ways.” ~ Reddit

Take. Care. Of. Your. Child.

“Clinical psychologist working primarily in forensics here. This means my clients are usually involves in legal proceedings (family court, juvenile court, criminal court, etc…)”

“My job is usually to evaluate or provide treatment. I’m not there to judge, that’s the judges job, but of course I have my thoughts.”

“I am usually impressed by the justifications people make for sh-tty behavior. The one that irks me the most is when parents manipulate their child against the other parent.”

“I’ve had to do therapy for a 5yo who said she doesn’t want to see a parent because they haven’t paid child support. Excuse me? What 5yo knows, understand, or needs to be worried about child support.” ~ FriktionalTales

Aware Of Your Own Shortcomings

“Once had a patient whose wife shook their baby to death. He wanted help reconnecting with his wife.”

“At the time I was a young father of a newborn myself, and he triggered a lot of fear in me for my own child, a deep loathing of his spouse, and pity (the ‘how pathetic’ kind) for the patient.”

“I tried for 3 sessions, met his spouse and everything before handing the case over to my supervisor (who knew about my initial reactions, and tried to help me through it).”

“Unfortunately, it ended up being more about my feelings than his, and I was new to the profession at the time. These things are expected to crop up from time to time, but I was still taken aback by my own reactions.” ~ PrimeGuard

A Serious Lack Of Support At Home

“I work in mental health and have worked in acute and crisis settings for the majority of my career. The most notable event I experienced was when a young person had presented with significant ongoing suicidal ideation who was dealing with a lot of sh*t.”

“I spent a lot of time with them mostly deescalation and working out what the plan should be moving forward.”

“One of their parents came in a little while later and I had the opportunity to speak to them about where their child was and what had been going on, with their consent of course.”

“Midway through me trying to explain some of the psychological constructs and ways the parent could help they said to me, ‘is this going to take much longer I have a show to go and watch’.”

“All I can say is, I never judge my patients, I have never walked their path or viewed the world through their eyes. But the people around them who perpetuate the suffering of the people I work with through ignorance, malice and selfishness, I judge them.” ~ Tedkin

Seriously. Why Dunk On Your Child Getting The Help They Need?

“Therapist here,”

“To piggy back on what others have said, it is highly unlikely for me to have moments where I judge my clients. It happens sometimes, but I’m able to shut down those thoughts quickly in my head and return to being present for the people I see.”

“People are so incredibly complex that my judgment wouldn’t have any meaning anyway and it doesn’t have a place in our work together.”

“I will admit though, something that does get me feeling a little salty is when I have a client’s parent that attempts to sabotage the therapeutic relationship I have with their child, or pulling them out of therapy entirely when some of the things we talk about challenges some potentially unhealthy family dynamics. I don’t feel anger toward the parents, mostly I feel bad for the kid.” ~ dirtyberti

I’m Here To Help, But You All Suck

“Lots of people discussing pedophilia as an example of the toughest stuff to not judge despite our training. I haven’t yet treated a pedophile thankfully. At least not an identified one.”

“I did run a men’s anger management group though, and some of those men had done some terrible things to women. Most of them I found ways to like and admire for their positive aspects, but there were two guys in that group I just could never find ‘unconditional positive regard’ for.”

“One guy basically never spoke in group. He would give one word answers and occasionally just discuss how unfair the ‘system’ was to him. I worked really hard to open him up and find things to connect over but he never opened up to me or the group.”

“He left the group after he strangled his girlfriend and went to jail. She survived thankfully.”

“The other left group early routinely, showed up late, participated minimally and similarly never wanted to open up honestly. He left early one group after we had discussed him staying to the end and threatened me when I told him he wasn’t going to get credit for attendance (something the court required).”

“Oddly, I eventually moved into the apartment below him (completely without knowledge) and listened to him scream at his girlfriend and break sh*t while I called the cops.”

“I judge these men. They’re sh-tty. Maybe they’re redeemable, but redemption requires self-exploration and they both refused to do so.”

“It’s worth noting how differently I felt about them than so many others in the group; men I found ways to help and admire and respect even in spite of their awful behavior in the past.” ~ MyFianceMadeMeJoin

People Are Too Down On Themselves

“Okay, real therapist here. I got one.”

“Some of my clients are SHOCKINGLY BAD at giving themselves credit, holy sh*t!!

“Like they might get a nearly straight A GPA in a brutal major while battling depression, or overcome years of phobia and get behind the wheel again, or write a literal novel, or raise a kid as a single parent with low income, or build new relationships after being burned, or cope with OCD well enough to hold down a job.”

“And they’ll talk about themselves as if everyone on earth is better than them, as if their accomplishments are worthless. And I know it’s because of depression or anxiety or another condition, but I’m often stunned by how differently I see them compared to how they see themselves.” ~ Reddit

Don’t be afraid to share with your doctor.

That’s what they are there for.

Get the help you need.

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People Divulge Their Weirdly Interesting Family Facts

Families are full of all kinds of secrets and surprising moments, and it’s important that we keep them in the family.

But sometimes, in the anonymity of a Reddit thread, some of the truth comes out.

Redditor QueenMoogle asked:

“What are some weird or interesting facts about your families?”

There was talk of family trees.

“I placed my newborn for adoption (open adoption, chose the family myself). A few years later my sister got pregnant and placed her newborn with the same family.”

“So the children are growing up as siblings and are cousins by blood. (This was over 20 years ago.)” – ihateknickknacks

“Not that unheard of but my husband likes to tell people about when he first met my family. He went with me to visit one side (my Mother’s family) for Thanksgiving and met many of my Uncles, Aunts, and cousins.”

“The next day, we were going to have Thanksgiving on my other side (my Father’s family). When we walked in the door that next day, he stopped and his eyes got really wide, and he loudly whispered, “These are the same people,’ and I went, ‘Yeah, I know… surprise!’”

“My mother’s brother married my father’s sister and my mother’s other sister married my father’s first cousin.”

“And then if that isn’t confusing enough, my Grandmother and Grandfather were first cousins when they got married. (legal as he was adopted as a teenager).”

“My Grandmother said she did this so she never had to change her last name and she was the only girl short enough for him. My Grandfather was only 5 ft 2 inches and my Grandmother was 5 ft. Both came from Canada. Out of their 8 children, including two sons, the tallest is one of my aunts at 5 ft. 4 in. Luckily my mother (5 ft) married my dad who was 6ft 2 inch so we at least have some height in our family.” – Tbjkbe

“We recently found out that I have at least 5 half-siblings because my parents decided it would be nice (and financially beneficial) for my dad to make some donations around the time I was born.” – BananaMantis

Some had some tough family history to accept. 

“My great grandfather got in a fight with his sister when he was 12, said ‘F**k this,’ asked for work on a boat as a cabin boy, got on a ship, and left England.”

“He never went back. We have no idea if that side of the family even knows he survived, but I kind of want to go to the English town and tell my distantly extended family, ‘So you know that little kid in your family history who just sort of disappeared? Well, he lived! Surprise!’”

“Another great grandfather stole a cannon from China (which my grandfather blew up accidentally with my dad nearby), then left his future descendants a letter, telling us, ‘If you still have this last name and go to this part of China, don’t mention your name. They might still be pretty p**sed off that I stole their cannon.’”

“A few generations back, a dude got kicked out of Norway for getting his maid and his sister pregnant. When he got to the US, he then befriended another guy from Scandinavia and stole his wife.”

“It’s funny because part of the family laughs about this, and part refuses to admit it ever happened even though we have proof it did.” – Vonozar

“My great grandmothers maiden name was Messerschmidt. rumor has it that a relative designed the Messerschmidt planes in Germany during the first world war. There’s no way to prove it though.”

“And on the other side of the family, My great-great grandfather’s name was James Potter.” – shroomie19

“My great uncle was in the car with JFK when he was assassinated.” – Sterling_-_Archer

“My grandfather was the first Black aerospace engineer in the United States.” – cycloneju51

“My great grandparents both worked for Thomas Edison, which is how they met. That great-grandmother is super bada**, too… she came to the States when she was 15 and didn’t speak English, just as the German Depression was getting bad.”

“She had to teach herself English and raise enough money to bring her starving family over from Germany to join her here. She lost all her savings in the US stock market crash and had to start all over, but she did it!”

“Okay, I talked to my mom and I was mistaken. Only my great-grandmother worked for him originally, and she met my great-grandfather while in NYC with Edison and his second wife.”

“She went out with a friend who was also German, who brought her out with a group of German friends, which is where she met my great-grandfather. After they were married, he too went to work for Edison, and that’s where I got the story mixed up. I’m sorry for the error!”

“Also, a commenter asked how they thought of him, since Edison was known as kind of a jerk. I copied my reply from another comment here:”

“So I asked my mom, and she said that her grandmother never felt he liked her very much. She was maid to him and his second wife toward the end of his life.”

“When she brought him meals or came in to tidy up, he wouldn’t speak to her and wouldn’t even make eye contact.”

“He was able to be up and walking around the grounds and conversing with others though, and he always wondered if it was because of her station, or because she was German.” – joey1115

Others were incredibly impressed by their family histories. 

“We only die in March. Dogs, grandparents, uncles, we all die in March.” – AnarchyBea

“I had an ancestor who lied about his age to join up with the Union Army in the American Civil War in 1861. He fought in most of its bloodiest battles: Antietam, Shiloh, and Gettysburg to name a few.”

“He survived all of those to come home to the family farm at the end of the war, where he promptly died of a fever he had picked up in camp.” – captainthomas

“My grandad was poisoning my nan’s tea with rat poison for ages. She was documenting it and told the police, they did a huge bust on him and arrested him in front of all their kids (inc. my mum).”

“In court, he admitted to it, he agreed to all the charges, he did the deed. Eventually, the judge, flummoxed, asked ‘… But why?’”

“And his answer was, ‘Because we agreed to it.’”

“Apparently, they had made an agreement to use rat poison to home-treat her deep vein thrombosis (this brand was basically a blood thinner so the rats couldn’t clot when they got injured, and they both distrust doctors). This woman is crazy and I fully believe my grandad’s side.”

“The case got thrown out of court.” – Howlingz

While some secrets are hard for us to accept, especially when they relate to our families, many of the truths in our families are what helped form our families into what they are, from the family tree itself to important involvement in history.

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Former Flat Earthers Explain Why They Finally Came Around

Despite hard evidence the earth is NOT flat, many naysayers, known as “flat earthers” insist our planet is not at all spherical, whatsoever.

And if they could, they would go to the ends of the earth to prove it. But none ever have, because, well, they’ll wind up right where they started in their quest to prove their ridiculous point.

But among those who proclaim our planet is as flat as a stale slice of flatbread, some have come to their senses.

So how did these people manage to undo what they were so convinced of was not possible?

Strangers online revealed how they saw the light or made flat earthers accept reality when Redditor jbarms asked:

“Former Flat Earthers. What made you come round?”

Explaining Basic Concepts

“I talked to a flat-earther about my job working for a company that tracks ship locations, routes, and speeds by satellite. We also had ways of monitoring carbon emissions based on fuel consumption and known weather conditions.”

“None of this would work at all if the earth was flat. Not a jot of it.”

“I could only explain the most basic concepts, but it was enough for him to understand and realise that I was right and that he’d been convinced by someone who had no practical experience of the spherical nature of the Earth.”

“I think that’s what really did it – my experience was really tangible. This happens then this happens then we measure this etc etc… no theory, just practice.”

“A bit like showing a child a rock dropping to the ground in order to explain gravity, rather than giving them the whole theoretical shebang. Y’know?” – Administrative-Task9

A Competing Theory

“The mobius strip earthers had more compelling arguments.” – jnhummel

A Timely Realization

“Quote I got from somewhere…”

“for 5 years I believed the Earth was flat, then I turned 6” – -QED-

It Was Worth A Try

“I convinced a flat earther, temporarily, by asking him if it was possible for a sphere to be so large that you could not tell it was a sphere my simply being on the surface of it.”

“It took him a while, I used an analogy of a extremely long line that was so slightly curved you could not tell so by looking at a small section of it.”

“Eventually he said yes to the sphere and I told him that was how big the earth is. A few days later he reverted, most of these people aren’t mentally stable, they believe in a lot of conspiracies.”

“Corny edit, but as connoisseur of flat earth content my personal favorite is Professor Dave on YouTube. He is a underappreciated dude who just had a Science channel on YouTube and got brigaded by flat earthers for an unrelated video.”

“He made like 6 video responses in total just owning these guys but they eventually gave up. Check it out.” – McClain3000

A Foolproof Method

“What I like to do is use telescopes. This telescope is strong enough to see distant stars and galaxies, yes? Okay, look out this direction across the ocean. Can you see Europe?” – HavanosArcova

Possible Profitability If True

“Look, it’s really easy:”

“If the Earth is flat, there would be an edge(s). And there would be a f’king Disney park at the edge, and we could bungie jump off the side and paraglide into the void etc etc.”

“Someone would be making an absolute sh*t ton of money off of it – if it existed.”

“Guess what? Nobody is doing that – adn in this world where absolutely everything is exploited for profit – if no one is making money off of it – it does.not.exist. No edge. Not flat. Get a clue.” – Gedwyn19

Approach With Kindness

“I watched a documentary about flat earthers called ‘Truth behind the curve’ and my analysis from watching that these flat earthers are a group of people who found a community to be a part of.”

“It’s a shame their community is based on a lie, but I saw a bunch of people who were to be part of A community.”

“Most of the people were social awkward and whatnot, and so an opportunity to be an influential figure within the community so they double down on their flawed logic.”

“The more against you are of them, the harder they rep their flatness.” – imthatguydavid

“I was debating a flat earther in Mexico, and I asked him about how GPS worked if there were no satellites. He said that they had devices in the ground to route you.”

“I told him the Mexican government is barely able to put decent water pipes in the ground; would he really think they had the tech to put routing devices in the ground?”

“He chuckled with a thousand mile gaze.” – mzaouar

The Authority On All Things Space

“A serious answer here.”

“The thing that made me stop was just the question ‘why would nasa lie to you.’”

“I will try replying to all of yall but will go to a study hall so ill reply later.” – The_Holy_Fork

Impossible Secret

“This a solid point, there’s no way 70,000 scientist could keep it a secret.” – needsmoreusername

“That’s the biggest reason for me to not believe so many conspiracy theories, especially major ones like a Flat Earth… We know how often things leak about everything, and suddenly a collection of 10s of thousands of people are all gonna keep this one big secret?” – JerHat

“Flat earth is absolutely sh*t tier. It not only fails on the level you described, but also: why? Why pretend the shape of the earth is different than it is? When does someone convene a high level meeting to circulate that idea?” – heseme

Some Deep Digging

“I spent about a year infiltrating the flat Earth community on Instagram. I garnered a decent following with an account dedicated to flat earth travel photos (an intentionally absurd premise). In that time I learned a quite a bit about the community including how to discern the trolls from the real deal.”

“The majority of legit flat earthers are extremely distrustful of anything the government says or does. These same people are 9/11 truthers, Holocaust deniers, and anti-vaxxers and they connect these conspiracies together.”

“Many of them have also attached flat Earth theory to religion, magic, or mysticism. Before my infiltration I’d always considered conspiracies fun. Like they were the fan fiction of real life. Now they mostly make me sad.”

“For all the phony accounts like mine, there are still plenty of people out there willing to drop a couple of hundred dollars on a flat Earth convention.” – Zelph_Onandagus

The Trip Confirmed It

“Had to travel to Japan, gave up on my beliefs in order to make a shorter trip.” – uvzla792

Based on some of the comments above, it is entirely possible to change the minds of people who have pretty much been rejected from society and found acceptance from a community with whom they shared the same flawed logic.

It may have taken some hard convincing, but eventually, they flat-out came ’round.

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People Break Down The Life-Changing Items Available For Under $100

Tools make the world a better place.

Some tools are more vital than others of course, it might help to have a calculator but you can still do the math.

You may find it near-impossible, though, to talk to your friend on the other coast without a phone.

With the usefulness of tools in mind, Redditor KingPin1010 asked:

“What life changing item can you buy for less than $100?”

The nose knows.

“A nasal irrigation kit – either the electronic pump or simply the squeeze bottles.”

“I started using them both leading up to surgery on my sinuses, and I haven’t stopped using them since.”

“It takes some getting used to, but the relief and clean feeling is amazing.” ~kundersmack

The little things can make all the difference.

“Rice cooker.”

“That f*cker kept me fed during depression when I barely had the energy to get out of bed.”

“Takes less than nothing to get some rice in there and flip the switch.”

“Want something sweet?” Throw coconut and sugar in there.”

“Want flavor but can’t be f*cked to make anything? Get some Spanish rice or saffron going.”

“You can throw tofu in there with it if you need .”

“Yeah it’s not the best for you but hot food is better than no food.” ~ HotTopicMallRat

Or…

“New pair of socks.”

“If you’ve been wearing the same pairs forever like I typically usually do theirs nothing like putting on a new pair of freshly bought socks, you can totally feel the difference.”

“I never realized til was an adult sadly but I appreciate the feeling of new socks all the time.” ~ Spider-Mike23

Sleep is important.

“I thought that I liked memory foam and other fancy pillows, but the real life changer for me was a buckwheat pillow.”

“I have sleep apnea, and it allows me to get my head into the perfect position and keep it there comfortably.”

“Before you go out and buy one, please research the pro’s and cons. They aren’t for everyone.”

“Consider them if you like a firmer pillow, occasionally wake up with an achey neck from lack of support, and want a pillow that breathes well.”

“Someone in the comments has also pointed out that you will win every pillow fight you get into.”

“Downsides are: if you shift around in your sleep a lot, you’ll need to adjust the pillow to fit your new position.”

“Adjusting the pillow and settling in makes a little bit of noise as the buckwheat husks rub against each other, kind of like dry leaves crinkling.”

“Some people are also allergic to buckwheat, but there are other similar fillings such as millet husks. Organic fillings also need to be replaced once in a while, since it breaks down over time.” ~
Phosphero

Sometimes, it’s not about making the work easier – just more enjoyable.

“If you have a large lawn or a property that requires a lot of yard work get some 3M Worktunes.”

 “About $50 and they’re a combination hearing protection and Bluetooth headphones so you can actually hear your music without destroying your eardrums.”

“They’re a good gift too for anyone you know with a lawn or wood shop or something.”

“At my old house it was a 4-5 hour ordeal to mow and trim the property.”

“I’d likely have went fully insane without those.” ~ Kulladar

Though, sometimes it is about making the work easier. 

“A good shop vac.”

“You will not believe how many uses around the house you’ll find for it.”

“Cobweb removal, water removal, gravel removal, vent cleaning, soot trap cleaning, (after a good scrub since it’s likely dirty from other tasks) car vacuuming, dust sucking, the list goes on.”

“Seriously if you plan to buy or already own a home go get a shop vac.” ~
AZymph

The weight of the matter.

“A kitchen scale.”

“Completely changed my food consumption, since I could easily measure portions.”

“I learned what they actually SHOULD be, not what we in the US act like they are.”

“That + MyFitnessPal (the free version, even!) = Me losing 120lbs over 18 months and developing a much healthier relationship with food and eating.”

“Very simple tools, but great for enacting real, lasting change 👍” ~ missdolly87

Seeing clearly is the ultimate luxury.

“prescription contact lens”

“edit didn’t realize how many people would want to know where to order.”

“So far my fastest option is ordering from opticontacts.com they will only take a week or less.”

“Lens.me is another option with more exotic brands but they take much longer to arrive as they ship out of Dubai.”

“Neither will ask for a prescription from doctor. You just manually input your rx” ~ iamgeekusa

The real spice of life is convenience.

“Paprika recipe app and the corresponding software for your PC.”

“The thing is a miracle.”

“Not only can you download recipes from websites – it pulls the recipe and instructions out and leaves all the chaff (“My grandmother always told me when she made this apple pie that it reminded her of the time that ….”)”

“- But you can add ingredients to your grocery list right from the recipe, create meal plans and menus, and share access with another person (they have to buy the app too and use shared login).”

“It’s changed the way I meal plan, shop, and cook.” ~ 1workthrowaway

Don’t forget to hydrate.

“A Brita filter water pitcher and reusable bottles.”

“I cut out most drinks aside from water back in October and we were going through 2+ cases a week.”

“It was expensive, heavy, took up way too much space, and was such a waste of plastic!”

“I ended up buying a brita pitcher from walmart for about $18.”

“We fill it up 2 or 3 times a day and everyone has their own water bottle now.”

“When quarantine started and no one could find bottled water, but we were good!”

“There were so many positives to buying the brita pitcher that I wish I had bought it years ago!!” ~
Dutchie420x

While not every item on this list was the pinnacle of modern technology, they are all tools to help make our lives just a little bit more enjoyable.

Remember to take the time to enjoy yourself today, maybe even with a tool from our list.

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People Share The Conversation They’d Have With Their Pets If They Could Talk For 24 Hours

I graduated high school and went right to adopting rescue animals. The first one was a 5 week old puppy—a brindle girl so dark you’d be forgiven for thinking she was just a dirty black dog at first.

Her name was She-Ra and she was by my side for 22 years.

Twenty-two.

She saw me through scandalous college years, several whack partners, a first marriage…

She-Ra was as much a part of my “definition” as my sarcasm, my hair, or my loud face. She was, very honestly, the best friend I’ve ever had.

And I would have LOOOOOOOOOVED to hear the stuff she wanted to say back when we would sit around having chisme time.

Homegirls face was as loud as mine—I just KNOW she wanted to read some people into oblivion in English, Spanish, Spanglish, AND Pitbullian. I would have listened and been on stand-by with water so she could stay hydrated while she went off.

I’m a supportive bestie like that.

Reddit user l0velygh0st asked: 

“You’re gifted 24 straight hours where you and your pet(s) are suddenly able to understand each other and have real conversations like you’re old bffs just catching up on lost time. What would you want to tell them and how would you want to spend those hours with them?” 

Obviously She-Ra and I would be on our Thelma and Louise—minus the tragic ending and plus some incredible fashions.

Reddit users had their own incredible, adorable, ideas. The love between people and their pets is going to be our happy thought around here for the day.

“Lemme Upgrade Ya” 

“Write down every single quality of life improvements I can make for you.”

“Let’s go find you your perfect food to eat, let’s make sure there aren’t any aches and pains you have that we can’t address.”

“Tell me all of your favorite spots.”

“Tell me what you like, what you don’t. Literally everything.”

– Straightup32

About The Vacuum

“I would tell them that I love them, and that they’re good, and I would explain that I don’t cut their nails or vacuum the floor to hurt and scare them, it’s just stuff I need to do.”

“I would want to know what their lives looked like before they got to my family, if they can remember it. I would talk to them about funny stories from when they were young, and hopefully they’d have funny stories from when I was young.”

“I would also like to hear what gossip they might know because people still talk when pets are around.”

“I would want to ask them if there are ways I’ve been caring for them wrong, how I can care for them better and enrich their lives more. Are they hurting in any places that aren’t obvious?”

“They’re getting old, so I just want them to be happy for as many years as they have left.”

– SallyTwoSocks

When I Leave 

“Stop freaking out when I left the house. I will be back, like always.”

– Rawinza555

“But what if someday you’re not? Like you get in an accident and die and your buddy never knows what happened.”

“I think about that a lot and it breaks my heart”

– testerpants

“This happened to me!”

“I had sudden heart failure and was in the hospital for two months. Apparently, my dog just sat looking out the window every day, not understanding why I wasn’t coming back.”

“When I got home we were both so happy and getting back to her definitely helped save my life. I feel so guilty that she had to wonder why I had abandoned her for all those weeks…”

– cosmichorror845

“I’ve told my wife that if anything was to ever happen to me, my cat needs to see me so he understands I didn’t just leave.”

– Pure1nsanity

What’s In A Name? 

“To figure out what name he gave me.”

– Zure-Mossel

“Dog: ‘It’s Bar-woorrdddll!’ “

“Human: *tries to say it* “

“Dog: ‘No, you’re saying it wrong, but I like what you call me.’ “

– MoreNMoreLikelyTrans

“My cat’s name is Dobby, and I have another one named Nyxi. My conversation would go something like this:”

“N: ‘Why’d you call me Nyxi?’ “

“Me: ‘Well Nyx is the goddess of night and cats are known for loving the nighttime.’ “

“D:’Wow cool! Why’s my name dobby?’ “

“Me: *…shows picture* “

“D: 😑”

“Me: ‘Your ears are big!!’ “

– 12Lister12

John Wick

“I would explain to them how much I love them and how they’ve saved my life many times.”

“I would ask what happened to them before they came into my life. They’re both rescues and we have made HUGE progress over the last three years, but they were pretty traumatized when I adopted both of them.”

“We would spend the day talking about our favorite things.”

“I would ask for the names and addresses of the owners that abused them both.”

“And I would go John Wick on those motherf*ckers.”

– [Reddit]

“OMG imagine if they could tell us their abusers…..that’s a dangerous path to go down but so many evil people would be gone from this world…”

– l0velygh0st

“I can’t even imagine.”

“My husband and I rescued our boy when he was barely two and we are his third or fourth family. He’d been passed around because he was “aggressive” apparently.”

“We’ve had him for five years and can’t imagine how anyone could ever think this massive goofball, scared-of-his-shadow, cuddly gentle giant could ever be aggressive.”

“Makes me wonder if he was being mistreated. He has a lot of separation anxiety, even now, because he was left and abandoned so many times before he was ours.”

“I get really sad thinking about it. He’s my world.”

– canohughess

Some Questions

“I’d have mostly questions:”

“’You don’t have to like your brother, but can we all agree to just coexist peacefully please?’”

“’I understand that taking medicine is no fun, but it’s what makes you feel better, so please stop fighting me whenever I need to give you the thing. It’ll suck for a couple seconds and then it’s over.’”

“’What is your obsession with lettuce?’ which seems like a normal thing until you realize it would be asked to cat.”

“’Why do you hump me when I lay down on the couch, but not when I’m sitting?’ (Asked to boy cat)”

“’Do you actually like the food I feed you?’”

“ ‘Is the temperature I keep the thermostat good for you?’ ”

“According to the internet, apparently I keep the temperature set too low, yet the kiddos run into my fridge or freezer often, and they sit on the vent when the AC is on in the summer, but also sit on the vent when the heat is on in the winter… are they hot or cold?! I don’t have the slightest clue.”

– SportsPhotoGirl

So now that we know what Reddit would do with 24 hours of talk time, it’s your turn at the mic.

Tell us what you’d want to talk about if your pet friends could converse for a day!

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People Break Down What They Would Search If Their Phone Could Look 5 Years In The Future

They say if you had tomorrow’s newspaper, you’d be a rich man.

But what about a newspaper from a time far beyond tomorrow? Nothing crazy like the year 2080 or some science fiction-style scenario, but just a few years.

Perhaps you’d make some bets, plan for disaster, or even alter your value system.

Redditor beentothefuture recently prompted folks with a poll on the topic.

They asked:

“You can’t time travel, but your phone has the internet from 5 years in the future. What do you search for first?”

One person had three key concerns. 

“Lottery numbers -> stock prices -> my name.”

“You may ask why my name but it’s very simple as I then can learn if I died until then or got caught for some sh** and are still in prison.” — [deleted]

This Redditor went a bit deeper with their scheme.

“I would start a blog on my pc and then switch to my phone to check if it now has updates from the future. If so, my future self could talk to my present self.”

“I could read about my mistakes and try to avoid them. If a post disappears, that would mean that I did it right.” — thezubek

And this Redditor went even deeper than that.

“I would check my mails and message Apps to find out how I’m doing in the future.”

“If the phone continuously updates, so that it always show the internet of in five years. Then I would probably look for scientific breakthroughs like fusion and also for catastrophes. Then I would start writing messages to myself like a diary so I can see them in the present.”

“And also in 2025 I would start copying the messages from then in 5 years and send them to myself so I can see the messages of the next ~100 years assuming I live that long.” — Barti666

And here’s someone who just wants to twist the knife. 

“Nintendo Directs. Then I’ll make ‘predictions’ for a lot of things Nintendo will do, but I’ll phrase it in an increasingly implausible way. After a few Directs, people will hopefully catch on and start believing everything I say.”

“After five years (assuming I can’t look into the future again) I’ll start making random shit up and watch the internet argue about my predictions. Surely this can’t be real… but his track record is impeccable!” — TomAVulpis

This response harkened back to times this sort of thing was already considered. 

“I’d try to be like Bill Murrays character by the end of Ground Hog day. Find out if there’s any needless deaths from preventable accidents that I may be able to change.”

“Obviously I’d have won the lotto too, this would give me plenty of resources and free time to become a local superhero” — Meglamore

This person had one very specific thing on the mind.

“Besides the obvious (lottery, election, myself, etc) I would want to see if opera made a comeback after the pandemic or if the virus was the final nail in the coffin of this art form, which has been slowly headed towards its demise for decades now.” — IoSonCalaf

Another Redditor had a list. 

“queen elizabeth (if there were more searches available)”

“then probably see which countries still exist as they are now,”

“see how covid-19 played out”

“memes so I can make an accurate “this is a meme from the future”

“then see what are the biggest breakthroughs of science in the last 5 years, probably at least medicine and energy”

“also obviously lottery numbers or something” — uhrilahja

One person went full anthropologist.

“If I had unlimited searches I’d probably look up the Reddit frontpage first.”

“There’s a lot of information in there that would give a good general explanation about that timeperiod. And from there on I could search up anything that seems interesting while already having some context.” — juniperzz

Here we have a more personal outlook.

“Win the lotto but not enough to be super rich but enough to settle debts and get started. Also see if there are any major disasters I need to prepare for.”

“And check the obituaries to see if there are any family members I need to see more often/forgive” — neverstayhappy101

This Redditor took a more nuanced approach to “betting.”

“How long does it work for? If it is permanent, lottery numbers once or twice anymore and you would draw attention.then best tech developments and start ups to invest in.”

“Locate the brightest and smartest graduates to come and work for you and enough dirt on politicians to let you get away with what your planning.” — koorcevets

One person had entertainment on the brain. 

“Outcome of sporting events so I can place some bets.”

“Also, I’d look up if my favorite music artists were still alive so if they were to die I could warn them. Wish I could have done this with Adam ‘MCA’ Yauch of the Beastie Boys” — TheA**OfSpock

Here we have an enterprising approach.

“The newest sience break throughs. So i can instead blow everyones minds with my genius” — aeris17471

This contribution was just bleak through and through. 

“End of the Covid pandemic…only to find news articles on the 76th lockdown in 2025, and people still going on about not wearing masks… Q_Q” — Protohype93

One Redditor was tired of broken promises. 

“Cure for type 1 diabetes. Doctors have been saying its five years away for awhile now.” — Surferbro

And plenty of people decided to have some fun with the prompt itself. 

“The internet still exists in five years, so that’s my first worry assuaged…” — welshualegon

“when a youtuber posts so i can truly be first” — Ap_Legendary11

“How many more John Wick films have been made.” — IAmJohnny5ive

“Well, I went to Reddit and found this post. Hello from 2015!” — Refloni

“I’d create a reddit thread asking what people would search for if they had access to internet 5 years ahead of time. Mind blown …” — BradSainty

So in case you thought the lottery idea is where this conversation begins and ends, think again.

People apparently have all sorts of things they can’t help but wonder about.

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People Debate Which Movies Should Be Retold From A Different Perspective

I’m a big fan of The Truman Show (1998).

It’s a prophetic, moving, philosophical journey of a film and it never fails to get my thoughts whirring.

Now, don’t get me wrong. The film is perfect as it is.

But I’ve always wondered… what would the film be like if it had been told from Sylvia’s perspective?

Getting a better view of what would have been going on outside the dome would have been pretty great. Additionally, I imagine a lot of actors on the “show” would have gone crazy having to commit to their roles 24/7.

Just a thought. Don’t get any ideas, Hollywood.

Others have also had thoughts about the films they’d want to see. After all, studios often remake older films but what would it be like if other films could be reworked and told from other points of view?

We heard all about them after Redditor porcupineapplepieces asked the online community:

“If instead of rebooting movies, retelling them from a different point of view became popular, which movie would you like retold?”

The Game (1997)

“The Game, starring Michael Douglas. I want to see it from the point of view of Consumer Recreation Services. I want to see how they manage all the actors and situations to make sure everything goes the way they want it.” ~ _hardliner_

My take:

Imagine the contingency plans that would have to be in play!

The original film is already pretty damn good (and very much an underappreciated entry in David Fincher’s filmography). If there’s anyone who could do this and make it interesting, it’d be Fincher himself… in some parallel universe, that is.

Cloverfield (2008)

“How about Cloverfield from the view of a professional camera crew?” ~ slothxaxmatic

My take:

Funny how quickly Hollywood studios beat the found footage-style of filmmaking to death after the unprecedented success of The Blair Witch Project, huh?

Interestingly, last year Paramount announced plans to produce a fourth Cloverfield film, which would be a direct sequel to the original. You just might get your wish, unless they pull the rug out from under us again.

Do you remember The Cloverfield Paradox? No? Yeah, me neither. I think most people like to forget it even exists.

Aliens (1986)

“I would think Aliens from Newt’s perspective would be pretty substantial. How a girl survived all that and the loss of her family alone on a foreign planet.” ~ Reddit

My take:

Believe it or not, there is a comic that has done this. It’s called: Aliens: Newt’s Tale, and it’s two issues!

As for seeing this on screen: This is one I, too, have wondered about, but I hesitate to say I’d even like to see this film get made, and I would hate it to see it fall into the same traps of the “nostalgia trend” in Hollywood films and television shows of the last few years.

While these projects don’t harm the integrity of the originals necessarily, they could prove a disappointment to fans, especially if a studio makes something strictly for cash and refuses to respect series continuity.

Consider the Terminator series, which has suffered completely without James Cameron’s vision.

Groundhog Day (1993)

“Groundhog Day from everybody else’s perspective on the last day/repeat. Just a movie about a small town and some weather guy who shows up at random points in peoples’ day to make their lives better, for no apparent reason.” ~ Reddit

My take:

This would probably be the cutest film ever made if it ever came to fruition. The film itself is a charming story about personal growth.

It’d be interesting to see the outcome of the main character’s actions from a more intimate perspective.

Air Bud (1997)

“Air Bud, but told from the POV of the kid who was pulled out of a basketball game to be replaced by a dog.” ~ Nnnnnick

My take:

Hey, hey, that dog was quite literally a circus dog with unusual abilities—surely that kid would understand.

And if they didn’t, then this would be the surprise revenge tale of the year.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

“Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory from Willy Wonka’s point of view. I want to hear his wicked thoughts.” ~ cwbybbp

My take:

Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) already does this to a degree (and it’s already not a great film).

But you might get your wish if Wonka, starring Timothée Chalamet and Olivia Colman and slated for release in March 2023, is a success.

It’ll tell the story of how Wonka met the Oompa-Loompas… but truth be told, I think I’d want to see a dark and gritty tale from the Oompa-Loompas’ point of view.

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

“The Shawshank Redemption told from The Warden’s point of view. I don’t know, that may be too dark of a story.” ~ guillermo-shwanky

My take:

Dark? It’s literally a Stephen King adaptation.

He would probably welcome it. Would be interesting to see his thought process right as things go south, though.

The Sandlot (1993)

“The Sandlot from the perspective of James Earl Jones. How he grew up in the pre-Depression, pre-civil rights era (assuming he was born in the 1890s or 1900s).”

“How he fell in love with baseball, went blind, what his life was like, and more details on how The Beast came into his life and why rumors ran rampant about the pup.” ~ FudgySlippers

My take:

Well, if it’s better than Coming 2 America, then go right ahead, make it. James Earl Jones would probably be up for it.

The Shining (1980, 1997)

“The Shining, employing the perspective of Tony, the ‘imaginary friend’ of Danny. Focusing on how Tony reckons the situation, start to finish, from inside Danny.” ~ JSanzi

My take:

It’s worth noting that in the book, Tony is thought of as an imaginary friend by Danny’s parents but is, in fact, Danny himself from the future psychically trying to help Danny survive the ordeal at The Overlook.

How this would work, I do not know, but it would be pretty interesting to see.

Ferris Beuller’s Day Off (1986)

“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off told from Cameron’s point of view is something I’ve always wanted to see.” ~ pharohilly7

My take:

I’ve always appreciated the short scene where Cameron and Sloane are talking about their future. It’s a nice break from Ferris’ overwhelming presence and I like hearing their take on him as well.

Just imagine if any of these were actually made.

Would you watch any of them? Would any of them be worth it?

It’s fun to entertain these ideas… but perhaps they should remain ideas.

Hollywood should probably stop redoing every single old film on the promise of a guaranteed return and try to actually greenlight new projects for once.

Trust, we’d all be better off for it.

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People Break Down Examples Of The Laziest Person Doing The Most Difficult Job Best

Microsoft founder Bill Gates once said:

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job.”

“Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”

The idea is actually somewhat sound, although an efficient person might be a better choice.

The quote speaks to the concept of “work smarter, not harder.”

Choosing someone who will find the shortcuts to solve a difficult problem can be better than putting your most ambitious person on it. The most complicated way is often not the best way to complete something.

But just because a billionaire tech mogul said it and it sounds good on paper, doesn’t mean it works in practice.

So Redditors lauvnoodles and Slimer425 both asked variations of:

“There’s a saying about giving the hardest job to the laziest person because they’ll find the easiest way to do it—what is your best real-life example?”

Macros, Not Micros

“I knew a guy who had a low level data/reporting job. He had several daily/weekly work responsibilities, including a bunch of reports that needed quite a bit of tweaking from raw data to finished product. But like I said, low level.”

“We didn’t find out until way later, but he had set up macros for each of his major responsibilities where he could. Once set up, he’d just run the macros to do his work, but then he’d (smartly) hold off on delivering the reports until just a little before the deadlines.”

“He’d hit every assignment and was seen as reliable. He also would complain about the workload so people would leave him with that work. I doubt he did a full hour of work a day after he set up what he did.”

“Eventually he left the job for one with better pay. But damn did he work lazy.”

“Also, he was smart not to reveal until the end, because had he told them about it he would have gotten a pat on the back and would have been given a whole other workload, on top of maintaining those macros/etc…”

“Dude milked the job, not the other way around.” ~ daithisfw

Automate

“Any good IT guy will find a way to automate his job so he can sit around browsing [the internet].”

“I left my last Sys Admin Job for a better paying job and the next guy called me and asked how I was doing the work of 3 people. He was going through the daily playbook and was so far behind…”

“I asked him if he was going through the Manual playbook, or the Automated playbook, as I had left both on my desk. Evidently my former boss had taken the automated one to do the work in the interim and never told the new hire about it.” ~ Zooloph

“I remember I worked in a small IT department in college and the head admin had EVERYTHING automated. He’d spend the whole day playing games or watching YouTube but he still performed all of his duties in a timely manner.”

“One day we played a full game of Civilization V while monitoring the progress of a script that updated everyone in the office from Windows XP to Win 7. All of the work got done on time and correctly so we really weren’t doing anything ‘wrong’.” ~ Bearlodge

Know Your Equipment

“Was a temp.”

“Got hired for the day to print 30 packets with 100 pages each.”

“‘Why would it take a day?’ I asked.”

“‘Our printer doesn’t collate the pages so it will take you the day to sort the pages into the 30 packets,’ they said.”

“Right.”

“It was a standard office Xerox printer. It took me all of 30 seconds to find and click the ‘collate’ button. Clicked the ‘staple’ button while at it.”

“All got printed by itself into nice stapled packets and I got paid to browse internet for the day. They thought I was a genius for ‘fixing’ their printer and gave me glowing recommendations to the temp agency that led to more jobs.” ~ wilksonator

Math Is Your Friend

“At my last job, a truck suspension shop, we did inventory every December and it was someone’s job to count all the washers and screws of every size.”

“It was my first inventory and I casually mentioned that they should just weigh one screw or washer, then weigh them all and divide the weight to get the count. Everyone looked at me like I had given them the key to the universe.”

“Counting washers and screws went from a day or two, to just a few hours.” ~ codymreese

Automation Might Be Your Friend But Not Your Coworker’s

“I inherited a job where the last person spent half their time manually typing numbers into Excel. I turned a bunch of 5 hour jobs into 5 minute jobs and made the job really easy.”

“I was only in a 1 year assignment and spent a lot of it automating everything and got a promotion afterward so it all worked out.”

“Still though, using technology right can get rid of a lot of jobs. I work in corporate finance, and we can do the same stuff with a team of four that 20 people were doing 30 years ago.” ~ munchies777

“A college kid picked up an office job over one summer. He became friends with an older lady at the front desk who always needed help figuring out Excel.”

“He kept finding shortcuts for her, and eventually wrote scripts for her that took a load of work off her plate.”

“By the end of the summer he had made her job so easy that they decided they didn’t need her to do it anymore. They fired her.” ~ seancurry1

Outsourcing

“My brother gave my oldest nephew 10 dollars a week if he did all his chores without needing to be told or complaining.”

“One day he gets home early from work and sees the neighbor kid tossing a bag in the trash. He asks him what he is doing and the kid says he gets 5 bucks a week to take care of a few chores.”

“My nephew outsourced his chores.” ~ Downvotesdarksouls

“Now all he needs is to undercut his employee.”

“Scare him straight by telling him the kid down the block will do it for cheaper and this quarter the numbers are lower than expected so take the pay decrease or leave.” ~ AlDaBeast

Let The Machine Do The Work

“I plug clocks in at midnight so they’re already set.” ~ january21st

“Trip the main fuse in the house at midnight to do all the appliances too.” ~ niallw2101

Use The Shortcuts

“I worked ‘goods in’ for an aircraft manufacturer as a summer job at university. Parts would arrive, we’d open them and key in all the details into a terminal.”

“That bit was long winded.”

“I discovered the terminal keyboard had assignable shortcuts, and set up a bunch of them for all the boilerplate items so that keying in an item was about six keystrokes.”

“Saved myself and my workmate hours every day, which we would spend pranking each other, other warehouse staff and staff at other sites.” ~ john_C_random

Skip The Heavy Lifting

“Years ago as a student I got a job stocking shelves. Guys were carrying the heavy boxes, putting them on the floor and bending each time to pick up the items to put on the shelves.”

“I was maybe a light 100 pound (woman) and carrying the boxes was just killing me physically.”

“So one day I had an idea. I put the box on an old desk chair and rolled it around.”

“No more carrying and no more bending!

“Funny thing is that, instead of doing the same thing, most of the guys called me lazy and kept carrying the heavy boxes. Just to prove how strong they were.”

“Now they have special rolling carts to do the job because of all the injuries from lifting and bending.” ~ sonia72quebec

K-I-S-S Principle

“I began a job where 11-12 people each touched a small piece of one process. More time was spent doing the hand off through email between each of us than the actual work.”

“I suggested several steps it made more sense for me to handle completely instead of handing them off in an email. Soon others suggested the same for their pieces of the process and some people were identified as just in the process to ‘give them something to do’.”

“We now do the same process with only 1-3 people involved and it takes a fraction of the time. It went from over 20 busy work steps to about 5 efficient ones.”

“I’m not sure whoever set it up could have made it any less efficient. Keep It Simple, Silly!” ~ Reddit

So Why Are Things Inefficient?

“I never understood why a boss would want you to do a job that you can do in 1 hour, stretch it to 8 hours and let you do that. If the attitude of the corporate world wasn’t this bad, many things could be so much easier in life.” ~ Reddit

“Oh it’s easy. It’s because they don’t know how to measure productivity. They don’t understand what you do, nor how long ‘things’ take.”

“So they rely instead on the assumption that looking like you’re working is basically the same as ‘being productive’.” ~ sobrique

So it seems work smarter, not harder is pretty sound advice that a lot of workplaces are completely ignoring.

What about where you work?

Posted on

People Share The Facts That Were Hidden From Them As Children

Breaking:

It has come to our attention that in most places it is NOT, in fact, illegal to have your vehicle’s interior cabin light on at night.

It’s just really distracting and annoying.

Some day some parents decided it was just easier to say it was illegal and it kind of stuck since then. Parents have just been out here telling kids half-truths like it’s literal law.

Reddit user jagenton25 asked: 

“What’s a fact that was hidden from you as a child?”

I know I just said half-truths, but some of these are outright lies—and outright brilliant.

Official Policies

“It is actually not the official policy of Wonderland (large amusement park near where I grew up) that you are only allowed to visit once per year.”

“I’m not mad, I actually think it was hilarious that my parents convinced us of this.”

– pm-a-surprise

“My parents let us believe that you were only allowed to go to Chuck E Cheese on your birthday (or your sister’s birthday, I guess).”

– kaleidoverse

“As a parent who had to pay for Wonderland…. this is amazing.”

– QueenA68

The Trade-In Program

“There isn’t a trade-in program to bring in old legos to get new ones. Some f*cker just stole all my legos from our parked car and my parents told me this so I would not be sad.”

“I hope he experienced the small parts choking hazard himself, the c*nt.”

– Buroda

“I know they’re expensive, but there has to be a special place in hell for someone who steals Legos.”

“You have to know you’re stealing from a child. What a piece of sh*t…”

– JADW27

Special Tailored

“Birthday Suits are not real suits.”

“Growing up in a household where the attire was a cross between business attire and church clothes, I always assumed the term Birthday Suit was a special tailored suit that was given to you on your birthday.”

– brokenturle

“Yeah. I made this mistake, except I made it when I was older and working.”

“I was so excited about going out for my 21st birthday with my brand new outfit. I told everyone I was going to wear my birthday suit.”

“A coworker had to pull me aside and tell me what it was. He was almost in tears from laughing so hard at me.”

“I still say it though because it’s funny and a great memory.”

– WeHaveGuns

That’s Illegal – Or Is It?

“That playing around with the interior lights while in a moving vehicle is actually legal… It’s just annoying.”

– Atomic_Chad

“I thought this was illegal until even after college.”

“Thanks, Mom and Dad. So many times it would have been helpful to turn the inside light on while I’ve been in the car in the dark!”

– Kartash

“My whole life is a lie!!!”

– ABotchedVasectomy

“My parents were the same. They would freak out if I turned it on.”

“I found out after turning 16 that it was because the windshield of our van became a f*cking mirror when a light was turned on inside while it dark outside.”

“Couldn’t see a f*cking thing.”

– gslwbfianf

Steve

“I grew up thinking I had a 6th sibling—a stillborn brother named Steve.”

“My older brothers told me about ‘Steve’ when I was about five, and I didn’t believe them, so I went to verify this information with my mother.”

“My mother has run a tutoring business out of our house for as long as I’ve been alive. She’s usually exceptionally busy; I think she had about eight students when I went to ask her.”

“My mom had five young kids. We were poor. She was always hustling and exceptionally busy.”

“She didn’t have time to deal with our crap while she was tutoring, and we mostly just asked her if we could get food and she would usually respond yes.”

“So I ask her whether I had a sixth sibling named Steve. She doesn’t even look up.”

“She just says something like “Yeah, yeah, now go play somewhere else.”

“I, of course, take this as unequivocal proof that Steve existed and that he was dead. It came from my mother’s own mouth, after all.”

“I believe this for the next decade. I only think about poor stillborn Steve once in a while on his supposed birthday, and I don’t bring it up again for eleven years.”

“I was at a debate tournament with my brother, hanging out with all my closest friends, when we start talking about dead family members.”

“Somebody’s grandmother is dead. Somebody lost their brother. I mention I have a dead brother, too. His name was Steve.”

“And then this uncomfortable exchange happens in front of everyone.”

“‘Who’s Steve?’ my brother asks.”

“‘Our stillborn brother, remember?’”

“‘Huh?’”

“‘You told me about him when I was five?’”

“A slow grin spreads across my brother’s face. I know this grin. Everyone in my family calls it his Chinese Devil Grin because it means trouble.”

“‘Wait,’ he says. ‘You’ve believed that for eleven years!? We made that up’.”

“‘But mom confirmed it!’”

“‘Nope. Totally made up. I can’t believe you actually thought that for eleven years!’”

“I’m not going to explain what happened afterward, but people called me ‘Steve’ for weeks. Also, I double-checked with my mother. There was no Steve.”

“So the fact that I DIDN’T have a brother named Steve was hidden from me as a child, I guess.”

– Thomhobbes

That One Tomato Plant

“My parents were gardeners.”

“We were pretty poor, so we did subsistence gardening and ate out of that garden most of the summer, and fished for protein.”

“BUT they also grew this herb, which looked a lot like tomato plants.”

“That’s what I thought it was—except it never grew tomatoes and was kept in a separate garden.”

“I did finally catch on, but it took a while.”

“Young mary jane plants look a lot like young tomato plants. My folks were hippies who had a very decent crop, which I now understand in retrospect.” 

– calcaneus

“We had a huge garden, but my father always kept one tomato plant growing in a lighted box in the basement closet.”

– Rosyshortcake

“The funny thing is it kind of smells like tomato plants, too. Oh, and they also have nearly identical nutritional requirements.”

– Capt_Hawkeye_Pierce

I Ain’t Afraid Of No Magic

“My dad had a 45rpm of the Ghostbusters theme song. He would play it for my brothers and I, and then say that he was magic and he would make the words disappear.”

“He would pick the record up, shake it around, say some magic words, and put it back on the record player.”

“Lo and behold, when the song started playing again, there were no vocals.”

“It blew our minds! Our dad really knew a magic trick!”

“Then I forgot about it for 15 years.”

“My dad decides he wants to get rid of most of his record collection, and asks me if I wanted any before he gave them away.”

“So, I’m sorting through the stack of 45s and there it is; The Ghostbusters theme! I excitedly hold it up, and remember the magic trick.”

“Then I flip it over and see that the B-Side was the instrumental version.”

“Of course I burst into laughter at the realization that I fell for such a simple trick. But I still had to confront Dad.”

“So, I bust into the kitchen all serious and toss him the disc.”

“I said accusingly: ‘what’s this!?’”

“‘Uh….The Ghostbusters theme song?’”

“‘Yeah, and what’s the B-Side?’”

“‘The instrumental version?’”

“‘Magic words my ass!’”

“The memory suddenly clicked and he started laughing hysterically. I guess it was something we had all forgotten.”

– ChuckZombie

So now that you’ve had some time to recover from the shock of that whole interior light thing, and you’ve read through what Reddit has to say, it’s your turn at the mic.

What truths did your family hide from you as a kid?