Category: random

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15 Bartenders Reveal the Weirdest Things They’ve Heard on the Job

Bartenders hear all sorts of things. People don’t usually sit at a bar to be sober and quiet, so between being the patient ear to some poor guy’s sob story and hearing some drunk couple plan out the rest of their evening, you know they’ve heard some absolute doozies.

In this AskReddit article, bartenders reveal the weirdest conversations they’ve ever heard on the job.

#1. Categorize them

“I overheard a woman who worked for a New Zealand online dating service, and was basically a profile censor. She described her job as being 80% dick pic removal, and had seen so many she could divvy them up into a few distinct categories.”

#2. Sounds fun

“I once heard a guy tell his buddy, “It’s fun, it’s like laser tag but with real guns” That was twenty years ago and to this day kick myself for not getting the whole story.”

#3. These are on the house

“A customer is on the phone in the middle of the bar, not too crowded but a long bar. Guy couldn’t have been more than 25. I go to help someone at the end of the bar and on my way back I overhear:

“No, I don’t care! She’s my sister, she is THIRTEEN and there is no reason she should be doing cocaine! At all!”

Gave him a few drinks on the house that night.”

#4. Shady business

“I heard some chick say “and the worse part about it, is that lucky bastard got a whole gram of crystal out it for free.”

#5. Now I’m in love with myself

“I hated myself until I discovered masturbation.”

#6. Classy

“Had a husband and wife who were by far the most rude people I’ve ever encountered, talking with a traveling business man. By the end of the night the business man was propositioning the woman to go back to his hotel room for some money.”

#7. Lots of cheating

“Lots and lots of cheaters. It’s weird that serial cheaters take their girls to the same spot.”

#8. Heated argument

“I’ve bartended but my favorite conversation was overhead while I was on the other side of the bar. “Look all I’m saying is Grand Theft Auto severely ruined our generation’s perception of how many police helicopters exist.” Sounded like they were getting really heated over the matter haha.”

#9. Awwwww

“Even though we were busy, I clearly heard a women say to her friend, “Hey look, the bartender’s really cute.”

Friend: “No he’s not!”

Response: “Oh yeah, you’re right.”

#10. Negotiations

“Work in a downtown hotel bar right across from our convention center. I’ve heard way too many negotiations between businessmen and escorts.

Last one I heard involved the guy asking the lady how much extra she would charge to let his friend watch.”

#11. Tennis ladies

“I bartended at a country club, and there was this one group of tennis-ladies that would always sit at the bar and get absolutely sh*tfaced on weeknights at our wine nights. They took a liking to our main bartender and kept calling him exotic (he’s Mexican), they would say how love his beard, would talk about their fav (not tennis related) positions, how they kept their nether-regions tidy, slip him their numbers, how sh*t their husbands were, etc. Gave me death glares every time I’d be bartending/bar backing with him lol.”

#12. So obvious

“On Valentine’s Day this year, we had a guest who accepted a FaceTime from his girlfriend while his side-chick was with him at the bar. He angled the phone so his girlfriend wouldn’t see the girl, but it was so obvious.”

#13. Hahahaha

“Two businessmen having after work drinks on a Friday, where the conversation built up to one of the sweetest sentiments I’ve heard. At first the usual “Lemme tell ya, you’re a good person. I love you man.” Later on (still fairly basic): “Fuck the wives! Hey, you and me, we buy motorcycles!”

To finally this gem: “If a tornado were to blow you away… I would fly after you.”

#14. Adorable

“Guy: “I think I’m going to need a coke chaser for this one.” Girl, presumably SO: “we already did all the coke…” Guy: “Coca Cola, you idiot!”

Not even the most memorable, just the most recent. For sure, a real snapshot into their relationship.”

#15. Wonder how that worked out…

“I once listened to three people have an in depth discussion about how they were going to kill the “local vampire” and the steps to take to protect themselves from the coven that said vampire is surely from.

My favorite though what a heated debate over whether the first Robin would be a crime fighter if Batman hadn’t picked him up and trained him.”

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This Poor Gentleman’s Ginormous Poop Nearly Killed Him (Seriously)

You might be proud of your ability to “hold it” until you get home, until after the kids go to bed, until a more convenient time, but take heed, people – holding in your poo for too long can literally kill you.

Proof? This 53-year-old Australian man went to the emergency room with severe abdominal pain, swelling, nausea, and a sudden inability to feel or move his right leg. Doctors confirmed the leg was paralyzed – it also had no palpable pulse and was cold to the touch.

At first, physicians were stumped. The man had no history of drug abuse, no risk of vascular disease, and really no significant or out-of-the-ordinary medical history at all.

What he did have was a really, really big poo.

Image Credit: BMJ Case Report

Holy sh*t.

A rectal examination and abdominal scans revealed massive fecal compaction that was putting life-threatening pressure on his abdominal organs. There was so much of it that it had distended his large intestine and put pressure on his right iliac artery, which is what caused the pain and paralysis in his leg.

The case was serious – he was showing signs of renal impairment and metabolic acidosis – the man required surgery to remove the backlog of poo and relieve the building pressure. The team wrote a case report, which expanded on their findings.

“Significant faecal disimpaction was performed manually under general anaesthesia with approximately 2 liters of feces removed.”

Image Credit: BMJ Case Report

2 liters, y’all. How long had it been since he’d gone?!

He was given constipation relief during recovery and left the hospital after four days. He finally walked again after 13 days.

Doctors are unsure what caused the massive build-up, but there’s no doubt that not being able to (or choosing not to) poop for a long period of time is incredibly dangerous. A teenage girl with a toilet phobia actually died in 2015 after holding it for 8 weeks, and this guy would have suffered the same fate had he not visited the doctors when he did.

Like my grandfather always said, better out than in. Never go against your body when death is on the line, my friends. You’ll come out on the losing end.

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10+ Acts of Vandalism That Are so Perfect, You’ll Almost Wish You’d Thought of Them

Now, I am by no means condoning the willful destruction or defacement of private property (that would be wrong). But, you can’t deny that every now and then, you see an act of vandalism that goes beyond destructiveness and actually makes you laugh or think. When that happens, it’s only natural to sometimes wish you’d been the one to have been that clever instead. I mean, hey man, game recognize game.

And these 13 acts raise vandalism to the level of art.

#1. Somebody’s got your number two.

Image Credit: Reddit

#2. That’s going to cost you on Yelp.

Image Credit: Reddit

#3. It’s more interesting already.

Image Credit: Reddit

#4. *snort*

Image Credit: Reddit

#5. Seriously SO much free time.

Image Credit: Reddit

#6. Just one little piece of tape.

Image Credit: Reddit

#7. Oh, man, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall of that Burger King bathroom.

Image Credit: Reddit

#8. An addendum that could save your life.

Image Credit: Reddit

#9. Yeah, I don’t know about the last piece of advice.

Image Credit: Reddit

#10. Some people never outgrow their childhood sense of humor.

Image Credit: Reddit

#11. It’s just common sense.

Image Credit: Reddit

#12. I mean, what else do you need?

Image Credit: Reddit

#13. Now that’s what I call the holiday spirit.

Image Credit: Reddit

I’m not saying break the law…I’m just saying impress me!

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10 Hilarious Tumblr Posts That Delighted and Terrified All of Us

I visit Tumblr religiously every day, because people on Tumblr post the most random things. A lot of those things are instantly relatable to me, so I figured I’d share some with you:

1. I wonder what his apartment looks like…

Photo Credit: deadendfairy.tumblr

2. Tanks for the memories

3. Dat ass!

Photo Credit: likeigiveabother.tumblr

4. That escalated quickly!

Photo Credit: mintsyrup.tumblr

5.  But how?

Photo Credit: beysexuality.tumblr

6. So would that be another way to lose your virginity?

Photo Credit: morgrana.tumblr

7. That’s how you get dead

Photo Credit: krafteasymac.tumblr

8. How prehistoric of you…

9. Everything about this is scary and fantastic. More please.

Photo Credit: stonebutchbliss.tumblr

10. At least you’re motivated

Photo Credit: boethiah.tumblr

You’re welcome. ?

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You Definitely Need to See These Pictures of Squirrels Eating Things

Squirrels: they’re basically rats, but adorable. They’re pretty much everywhere you go, making the most out of whatever they can get. They’ll eat just about anything under the sun, so here’s a bunch of adorable photos of squirrels doing exactly that.

“Why?” you may ask. To which I respond, “Why not?” Duh.

1. “Paw” lickin’ good

Photo Credit: Twitter, @fubarpops

2. Pick up or delivery?

Photo Credit: Twitter, @MikMarieHall

3. The Hamburglar

Photo Credit: Twitter, @skymacknine

4. Where’s the syrup?

Photo Credit: Twitter, @Beforehand

5. Doughnut Judge Me

Photo Credit: Twitter, @gytrashh

6. This is what “guac” bottom looks like

Photo Credit: Twitter, @_saroh

7. Can he get some honey mustard?

8. Caught red-handed

Photo Credit: Twitter, @blithewine

9. Neato burrito!

10. Let’s taco ’bout it

Photo Credit: Twitter, @bellzkells

11. We all deserve a little whoppie

Photo Credit: Twitter, @camelievazque

You’re welcome!

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13+ People Confess How They Crossed a Line They Swore They Never Would

“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”

Even a lovelorn Meatloaf knew that you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere. We all have certain things we swear we’ll never ever do, but sometimes life gets in the way of best-laid plans and you end up breaking that promise to yourself. Maybe it’s not that big a deal (like not following through on the “No Girls Allowed” policy for your bedroom), or maybe it’s something life-altering like falling victim to substance abuse.

It can be hard to admit when you’ve gone to your own personal dark side, but that’s just what these 15 people are about to confess…

#1. Just like you’d expect.

“Taking back a cheater. Turned out just like you’d expect.”

#2. I was naive!

“Thought I’d never have sex before marriage. I WAS NAIVE.”

#3. There you go.

“The Maginot Line

I was a poor kid from the States and thought I could never afford to be one of those fancy pants who backpacked Europe for the summer but hey, there you go.”

#4. I’d never do that.

“I remember being a teenager, looking at all my friends going out drinking and doing drugs and thinking that I’d NEVER do that.

Welp.”

#5. Funny how that works.

“I never thought I would start smoking. It’s funny how it works. A drunken drag off a friend’s turns into a bummed smoke which turns into buying your own and then waking up coughing and realizing you’ve been smoking for X years.

Luckily I’ve been off of them for 8 months now, and quitting sucked so badly that I never want to start again. But then again, I never thought I would start in the first place.”

#6. Every parent.

“One that pretty much every parent does at some point in their life.

When I was 12, I was all like “I’m never gonna be THAT parent that stops my kid from doing what I wanted to do right now but Dad said No.”

Now, I’m like all “Now listen here you little shit.”

(Not really. I use “brat”. But I think “shit”.)”

#7. Shooting up.

“Shooting up. Been an addict since 15 years old but i had never shot, then i did and loved the shit out of it. 3 ODs, scars on my arm for life. Just made it to 6 months off the needle on aug 7th.”

#8. What I know I need to do.

“200 lbs. Then 250. Now I’m staring down 300, telling myself I can’t go there, but it’s so hard to do what I know I need to.”

#9. Two of those things.

“I always told myself I’d never ride a motorcycle. “They’re fast, you dont have self control, you’ll kill myself.” Turns out I was right about two of those things.”

#10. Cardboard crack.

“Buying Magic the Gathering singles. It’s cardboard crack, it really is.”

#11. Weird fetishes.

“Probably my weird fetishes relative to sex. My partner just so happened to have the very same so here we are wearing latex suits and calling each other names.

Edit: A lot of these responses have been pretty hilarious and genuinely “heartwarming”. Thanks guys.”

#12. For obvious reasons.

“Always said I would keep my work life and personal life separate for obvious reasons. Dated a co-worker.”

#13. Not overly different.

“Having sex with a girl on her period. Always thought it was very wrong. Turned out to be not overly different.”

#14. After college.

“I never thought I’d live with a family member after college.

But then I started thinking more about expenses. Long story short, I can deal with annoying family debacles if I’m saving over 12 grand a year from rent.”

#15. The most shameful thing I’ve done.

“I was blacked out drunk and drove home. I don’t remember when I left, which route I took, or where I parked my car. I thought I took a cab home until I went to get my mail and saw my car parked outside.

It’s one of the most shameful things I’ve done. I was young and dumb, and it shook me to my core. I didn’t realize how easily someone could make that decision and am forever thankful no one was injured. It’s a line that should never be crossed and I swore up and down I wouldn’t ever. After that night, I either plan ahead or take a cab. Especially with Lyft and Uber being so prevalent these days, there’s just no excuse.”

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Behold the “Avozilla:” a Giant Avocado That’ll Make Millennials Go Berserk

The world’s recent obsession with avocados, possibly fueled by the millennial love for avocado toast, might have you thinking they’re a newcomer to the culinary scene, but they’ve actually been around for a long, long time. Avocados are heart-healthy, jam-packed with nutrients, and they pretty much go great with anything.

Basically, the only thing that could make an avocado better is if it were bigger, smoother, or more easily spreadable.

If only…

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

But, hang on. Agriculture heard our wails and has acted benevolently. Giant avocados – called “avozillas” – actually do exist. According to The Guardian Australia, a farm in Queensland is cultivating enormous avocados “as big as your head.” They are, in fact, about four times larger than a normal avocado.

Photo Credit: Peaches Fresh Food

Holy guacamole.

A company in South Africa owns the rights to the variety, which was produced via cross-breeding. Anyone interested in growing their own avozillas must pay to obtain permission and then pay royalties. Currently one farmer in Australia has the lock on a few hundred trees, so the giant fruit (it’s a fruit) is available in a few cities there. They have also exported them to England.

What’s keeping the avozilla from taking over? Ian Groves, the first to have grown them on his Australian farm, believes they may be too niche.

He also told The Guardian, “There is a nursery we buy different trees off, and when we were planting a bunch of avocados 10 years ago, they gave us one as a trial. And after about four or five years, we tried a few of the fruit and thought we’d give them a go. So we planted a small block of about just under 400 trees. They’re coming up to about four years and this is their first production.”

Clearly it takes some forethought to get from idea to table.

Avozillas may not be available everywhere guac fans are, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from falling head over pit for them.

Photo Credit: Instagram

The avozilla’s majesty is inspiring.

Photo Credit: Twitter

And brunch is served.

Photo Credit: Instagram

So, how about it, California and Mexico? Let’s have some avozillas!

We’ll wait.

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People Share Their Biggest Pet Peeves and We Can All Relate

We all have our pet peeves. I know I certainly do. Some of the things I’m petty about are, admittedly, pretty stupid – like my hatred of large tablespoons. I hate the way they feel in my mouth. I’m #TeamSmallerSpoons all day.

With that in mind, let’s have a look at the seemingly inconsequential things that really annoy the hell out of other people, shall we?

This tweet got the ball rolling:

Photo Credit: Twitter

1. What even is that

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. WAIT

Photo Credit: Twitter

3. Sidewalk hogs

Photo Credit: Twitter

4. Drives me nuts

Photo Credit: Twitter

5. Doesn’t work like that

Photo Credit: Twitter

6. Relax, buddy

Photo Credit: Twitter

7. Grammar patrol

Photo Credit: Twitter

8. What would the south think?

Photo Credit: Twitter

9. That’s what it means

Photo Credit: Twitter

10. The least you could do

Photo Credit: Twitter

11. STOP

Photo Credit: Twitter

12. Mobile etiquette

Photo Credit: Twitter

13. Yeah, so anyway…

Photo Credit: Twitter

14. LEAVE ME ALONE

Photo Credit: Twitter

15. Just wrong

Photo Credit: Twitter

16. *Rips hair out*

Photo Credit: Twitter

17. Hmmmm

Photo Credit: Twitter

18. Oh lord, yes

Photo Credit: Twitter

19. Please clear. PLEASE.

Photo Credit: Twitter

20. Don’t get her started

Photo Credit: Twitter

I don’t know about you, but I see myself in some of these tweets.

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Banker Quits His Job, Dresses as Spider-Man on His Last Day

Over the years, a lot of famous actors have donned the red-and-blue tights of Spider-Man to thrill movie audiences around the world. While they’ve all been (mostly) great, I’d argue that this anonymous bank worker from Sao Paolo, Brazil, might have worn the outfit best.

He decided to slip into the spandex on his last day of work, and naturally, hilarity ensued.

Photo Credit: YouTube

Is it good or bad that he worked in the analysis department of a bank and therefore saw no customers in “uniform?”

Photo Credit: YouTube

I suppose it depends on who you ask.

Photo Credit: YouTube

His fellow employees obviously enjoyed the prank, and one of them Instagrammed the picture-perfect moment saying: “Last day of work and this person is driving the boss mad.”

Photo Credit: YouTube

Overall, everyone else was pleased he decided to show up for his last day in full Spiderman regalia. Especially since he handed out candy as part of his schtick — which perhaps makes him the best Spider-Man ever.

If you’re leaving your job and have no need of a recommendation or referral in the future, then, I mean, why not go out with a bang?

Or a web?

I, for one, salute you, sir. I just hope there were no encounters with actual radioactive spiders to make this day possible.

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