Category: psychology

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Amazing Recovery Stories About Patients That Therapists Were Sure Wouldn’t Get There

There are upsides and downsides to every job out there.

That said, some have got to just be more emotionally tough than others. Take, for example, being a therapist (especially to children) – you listen to people in the worst states of their lives, and then let them walk out the door at the end of the hour, into the world that has broken them over and over again.

Success stories are probably relative, and maybe not measured exactly in that way, but these 12 therapists had glimpses of moments that must make all the rest of it worth it.

12. That’s one great day.

I worked on an outreach team that helped homeless folks off the streets. Found a guy downtown one day that was a classic schizophrenic. Word salad, things tied around his arms and legs, the whole 9 yards. Spent a few weeks buying him lunch and building a relationship with him.

He eventually let me move him into a hotel room and take him to a doctor. Got a shot from one of our doctors and started doing better. I transferred him to a longer term care team and went on with my life. Years later I was doing a homeless count for the city and boom, there he was standing in front of me. Clean, well spoken, happy.

He introduced me to his cousin. I’ll never forget it. “Damn Robert, this is the guy who helped you get off the street? You saved his life man. My family can’t thank you enough.”

One of the best moments of my life.

11. What keeps you going.

Psychiatrist here:

I used to do sessions at a government run long-term psychiatric hospital. Where I am a patient can only stay in a psych hospital for 3 months max, & if they didn’t get better we had to transfer them to the long-term hospital, So, the people who ended up here already had very poor prognoses to start off with, and to add to that they were all there on an involuntary basis, so co-operation was an ongoing battle. Very few are ever successfully discharged back into the community. There is a gross shortage of resources and the place itself looks pretty bleak, but we did all we could within our limited means.

I have had a few successes with patients here over the years, which you kind of hold on to in order to remind yourself that there’s always hope.

One lady I recall had been admitted via the courts after vandalizing a colleagues car that she believed had been using witchcraft against her. After being admitted and treated at the regular psych hospital, she was diagnosed with treatment resistant schizophrenia, which is probably one of the worst case scenarios in psychiatry.

Once she arrived at the long-term facility, I started treatment with probably the only drug we have for treatment-resistant schizophrenia. This drug is basically our last “big-bomb” for schizophrenia, but is not a pleasant one to have to use with a patient. It has a lot of serious side effects, requires blood to be drawn every week for 18 weeks (& then monthly for the rest of the time you’re on it, which is generally life-long in schizophrenia) and most frustratingly there is no injectable formulation, so patients need to take it willingly everyday which is a real uphill battle for involuntary patients that lack insight (lack of insight being part of schizophrenia as well, so you can imagine how challenging that can get). If they refuse more than 2 days worth of meds, the whole 18week initial phase needs to be restarted from scratch.

This patient was extremely paranoid and very hostile towards treatment in general. Every time I saw her she would get aggressive, argue with everything, and refused the meds on several occasions, necessitating a restart every time. She was one of the most challenging patients I have had to deal with, and honestly I didn’t hold out much hope for her. But, we just kept on trying, worked through every aggressive episode and tried to at least keep things steady enough so that she wouldn’t deteriorate any further.

After two years, things slowly started to change for her. She started taking the meds regularly and we had noted small incremental improvements. Despite this, her prognosis was still poor and I was just hoping to improve her overall level of functioning in any way I could.

Then one day when she walked into my office, she looked like an entirely different person. Her grooming and self care were definitely better – she had done her hair, wore earrings and actually smiled at me… all for the first time since being admitted to the hospital. To say I was thrilled at her progress would be an understatement, I was flabbergasted really.

Having gone back to her almost normal self, she was a pleasant, articulate lady with a wicked sense of humor. After that, we did a lot of work on her insight & helping her make sense of what had happened to her and understanding the medications she would need to take for the rest of her life.

After about 3 years, she was discharged home and resumed her previous occupation of being a high school teacher. Last I heard from her she was till doing well and even became a grandmother. Sadly, I no longer work at that hospital so I have since lost touch with her, but her story stays with me every time I see a “hopeless” case. It’s the starfish analogy for me, and although my job can be emotionally draining & frustrating, every now and again you get to make a life-changing difference for someone, and that keeps me going.

10. That’s all they want to hear.

I had a client who was a Senior at a highschool I was contracted at. I got him the day after he had been released from the ER for a Suicide attempt. He was smart and his plan was well executed, painless to being a diabetic. He had his method of suicide literally on him 24/7. He had second thoughts.

He was a wreck, paranoid, didn’t want to live. Are one point I had to have him involuntarily committed by the police because he could not garuntee me he could keep himself safe and his parents really couldn’t either. I hated to do it. I had no other choice though.

Every week we met. He was intense, angry and paranoid. His parents were Asian immigrants and were woefully under prepared for dealing with and understanding the extent of his mental health issues. We went on a regiment of Cognitive behavioral therapy for 6 months. He went all in, did every price of homework I gave him and utilized it. By the end of the 6 months he graduated and was accepted to NYU and prepping to attend in fall.

The last day we met I asked about his experience in therapy and to reflect on his journey. He ended by saying. ” I’m glad I didn’t kill myself”. Don’t know where he is but I hope he is doing amazing.

9. Sometimes experiments work out for the best.

I work with veterans who have had traumatic brain Injuries a lot of whom additionally have some combination of ptsd anxiety and depression. One of our most recent patients was a graduate student before deciding to enlist in 2011 to fight isis. He came back unable to walk and unable to read and remember things properly as a result of the damage to his brain.

He could no longer focus in classes, and was severely depressed which lead to him not able to finish his PhD. We do an experimental 10 days brain stimulation treatment combined with vision and working memory therapy and after his 10 days the changes were astounding.

He feels motivated again, there was an improvement of almost 100% on every cognitive and executive function task as well as improvements to his vision/reading/focusing ability. He signed up for classes at the community college here and is hopeful he can finish his PhD in geology and get his life back on track. I’ve never seen such a dramatic improvement before and it made all the difference in the direction of his life. Reminds me why I do what I do.

8. They just keep showing up.

I had barely graduated and was working in the public sector as a clinical psychologist. One day a 47 yo woman arrived. The patient was experiencing depression and had told me that in another episode she couldn’t even take a shower.

I was nervous cuz I was so inexperienced and felt a weight on my shoulders thinking: “how Am I gonna help this woman?”. But as the months progressed I saw a big transformation. In the beginning she wouldn’t even look me in the eyes and she had told me that she couldn’t even hug her children (they were young adults). She was my patient for 8 months until I had been approved to work somewhere else with a much bigger salary.

In our last session she was looking at me, dressing up, smiling and when I told her that I wouldn’t be working there anymore, she even gave me a hug. It was quite a challenge, but in the end it all worked well. I no longer work as a clinical psychologist (and don’t intend to return), but this experience transformed not only her, but myself.

I gained confidence to work with other people and was extremely satisfied to see that I could help improving someone else’s life.

7. Sometimes all you do it listen.

I’ve regularly had clients tell me some version of, “Remember that thing you told me about breaking up with them/applying for that job/telling them such and such… Well, I took your advice and it really worked and made such a difference!”, and in my head I’m thinking, “that’s not at all what I said” or “oh, that was just an offhand remark that had nothing to do with what I thought I was trying to do, but good job!”

It has made me realize that change is kind of inevitable (tho not necessarily for the better) and that when people are ready, there’s little that will stop them from moving toward that change; they’ll take what I say or, a song lyric, or a convo with the Lyft driver, or whatever is around them and turn it into the thing they need.

So maybe I’m just more like the catalyst in the sense that I can help start the reaction, but I’m not there in the end result.

6. Some parents are not the best.

I tutored students with learning difficulties and helped them learn to coordinate with their guidance counselors and teachers etc. I was kinda the go between for a lot of these kids whose parents had no idea what to do.

One of my students was one of a few siblings. Parents were totally checked out and self absorbed, entitled, expected others to do everything for them and the state to pay for everything so they don’t have to work because they don’t feel like it. They were convinced his adhd was his fault and he wasn’t sad or anything, just bad at school (because his twin brother had been using the “I’m depressed” statement for years as a reason for him to refuse to go to class or do any homework and instead play video games and hang out with a not so good crowd. his brother was evaluated by mental health professionals over and over who deemed him completely fine just unwilling to work hard because he didn’t want to and expect the state to take care of him like it did his mom and dad…this was a whole other story) But this kid was drowning in himself and I saw it and so did others. I sat his parents down and told them if they didn’t get their shit together and get him some help, he wasn’t going to make it. Period. It was crisis level bad and his brothers issues were being reflected on him as the same thing and thus ignored.

I finally got his guidance counselor involved and laid it all out. This kid needs help, his parents are ignoring it, his other older brother is trying to help but can’t, the twin brothers issues are being used as a reason why “nothings wrong with him, he needs to try harder”, the extended family isn’t close enough to do anything but know there’s a problem (they were calling me at this point), and I can’t watch this kid loose this battle. She was on board the second I informed her and jumped right in to coordinate help.

3 months later I watched him walk across the stage graduating with honors, on track with a good mental health plan, a therapist, and his grandparents directly involved in supporting him.

He’s off to trade school as of last year.

5. You’ve gotta love that.

I am a private practice therapist. I had a long term client I saw for over 2 years who was able to overcome so much (poor support, negative self talk with some suicidal thoughts, trouble regulating emotions, using substances to escape, etc).

She ended up moving away but checks in with me from time to time. Her life has completely changed and is doing so well now.

4. Sometimes it’s a simple answer.

when I was a Patient at the psychiatric ward there was another patient who I still think of sometimes. When she arrived she was so white and apathic. Some days later I met her in the halls of the facilities and she looked way better. So I talked to her to get her story.

She was brought in because she had drunk various cleaning products after 14 days without any sleep. She just wanted to sleep and didn’t know any further – I guess it was kinda like a psychotic episode. When she arrived they pumped everything out of her and fortunately she didn’t had any long term damage.

The doctors found out that she couldn’t sleep because of menopausal issues so she got sleep medication and hormones for menopause. When I talked to her she already had slept two nights in a row and she looked so much better, was smiling and talkative.

She said herself she didn’t know what happened to her. Being without sleep made her into a completely different person. I was so happy that she felt better. Overall she just stayed about a week.

Came to us like a ghost. Left us full of life. It was amazing

3. Most people have a reason.

I’m a therapist inside and outside of the prisons. I’d say at least 1x a month I meet an inmate that was likely a major piece of shit when they committed their crimes

Fast forward 10-20 years of incarceration later, and they are intellectual, hardworking men of integrity. It’s amazing what a little bit of structure can do for someone.

2. It happens to men, too.

I’m a therapist and mine is one of my clients getting out of a ridiculous, controlling relationship. He had difficulty conceptualizing that abusive (emotional and physical) relationships can happen to men and it was so bad that he internalized all those negative feelings.

I’m talking about significant, bat-sh%t controlling too like “send me a snap every 10 min, no even LOOKING at other girls, you aren’t allowed to be outside” type of thing.

Working through all of those issues over years was super satisfying to see his progress and recovery.

1. Tell the truth to yourself, first.

I spent most of my childhood depressed and chronically wanting to throw myself off a cliff. There was abuse and a lot of trauma that doesn’t need to be detailed. But I spent pretty much all of high school suicidal and self-harming. College was slightly better but about the same. I never looked depressed mind you, I was high functioning and I always did well in school, etc.

My parents knew but did nothing. I was also dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia and coming to terms with my sexuality in a strict religious environment that had no room for me. I ended up a lesbian married to an abusive man, with a decades long history of trauma, self-harm, etc.

I started therapy four years ago now. Something my therapist instilled in me from the beginning was this: once you can tell the truth about your life, then you can start to create a better story.

She taught me to identify the terrible things I had endured at the hands of the people who should have protected me. She taught me to bring those truths into the light, see them fully, and grieve the childhood I didn’t have and the way that followed me into adulthood. She helped me identify the ways I was perpetuating toxic cycles as a result of trauma: in my relationships with other people and also in my relationship with myself. She reminded me over and over again, that it was not my responsibility to create safety for myself as a child, but it is my responsibility now to protect the child inside myself. It is my responsibility now, to do better than people did to me. She taught me that I could trust myself to know what I need and what I want and what I deserve. She showed me what my life had been, held my hand and pulled me through all the paralyzing, desperate things I did to cope, and then asked me what I wanted instead, and what I could do to build that. She gave me permission to imagine better and then build better.

So I came out. I named what happened to me and stop trying to keep all the abuse a secret. I left my abusive ex. I quit the job that was killing me. I stopped drinking. I started taking medication. And it was absolutely terrifying. But I knew that I had built a trust in myself and I could trust myself to take care of myself. I believed there was a version of life that could be as good as I wanted it to be. I leapt.

And now I live in a beautiful city with the kindest woman I have ever known, whose love feels like coming home. Whose touch is gentle. Who knows every tiny thing about me. I do work I love. I have the derpiest dog to ever exist. I sleep well, which is a new thing. I say yes when I mean yes, and no when I mean no. I don’t abandon myself anymore.

Things can get better. Not overnight. Not without a fuck ton of pain and nights spent possibly sobbing on your kitchen floor. But it is possible for things to get better. And it’s also possible for things to get worse, and for you to not be alone in that, which is a different sort of better.

I owe my life to my therapist. Truly.

These just make my heart happy, y’all.

If you’re a therapist, what’s a moment that made it worth it to you? Share with us in the comments!

The post Amazing Recovery Stories About Patients That Therapists Were Sure Wouldn’t Get There appeared first on UberFacts.

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Girl Asks if She’s an A-Hole for Resisting Adoption

Family dynamics are strange, especially when you’re a teenager.

But when you’ve lost someone close to you, or you live in a blended family, there really are no clear cut answers in life, as shown in this recent AITA conversation.

AITA for not going along with being adopted to make everyone happy?

I hate to post here because I know there are so many of these but I really need to hear what you all think.

I (16f) lost my mom when I was 7. My sister was 2 at the time and my brother was a a few months old. Our dad met my stepmom about a year later, started dating her six months after they met (it was a thing for single parents). She had two kids who were close in age to my siblings. After they got married things were fine at first and then they wanted to adopt each others kids. Her kids were excited as were my siblings but I did not want to be adopted. This wasn’t made into a huge deal but they really quizzed me on why and tried to figure out if they could change my mind. They weren’t able to and I know this really hurt her feelings. Over the years it was let go. They adopted the other kids and everyone was happy. Or so I thought. It seems like it made them unhappy I said no to the adoption and my siblings have wondered why I didn’t want to be adopted too.

I love my stepmom. I get along with her really well. I think she’s great. But I don’t love her the same as I love my mom or dad. It’s different with her. Not bad just not as close. And that for me was reason enough to not be adopted. But there’s also the fact I don’t want my mom’s name erased from everything. I know they’re not trying to replace her but if I’m adopted her name is no longer the legal name I put down, it doesn’t change biology but it does make my stepmom my mom and no matter how much I care about her I just don’t want her to be my mom in all official senses of the word.

It has come up again because they offered the adoption again and my answer was the same. My dad decided we needed to go to therapy (the three of us) and the therapist told them they couldn’t therapy me into agreeing. My stepmom said it’s not about that for her, she just wants to know what she did wrong, and why I’m opposed. My dad said he feels like I’m holding back and he said there is an unhappiness with the fact I have kept myself on the outside by not becoming a more official part of the family unit.

It bothers me. But part of me feels bad that this is something that makes them so unhappy.

AITA?

So many feels on every side of this one. The original poster went on to add:

I feel like I could be the asshole because I know how much this means to them and I know it might make some things easier for them if we were all legally the kids of both my dad and stepmom.

Readers, however, felt differently, and the consensus was strongly in favor of the teen.

Many reacted negatively towards the parents, labeling them as the real problems in the situation, such as this respondent who felt the parents should back off:

Image credit: Reddit

And this one, who agreed that the parents were drifting towards AH territory themselves.

Image credit: Reddit

Others pointed out that everyone’s heart was in the right place, and the family just needed to continue working to understand each others’ points of view:

Image credit: Reddit

Many shared their own similar experiences, including a widow who sided with the teen:

Image credit: Reddit

An adult chimed in with a story about their friend, who chose to be adopted later:

Image credit: Reddit

And another shared her painful story of giving into the parental pressure:

Image credit: Reddit

But while many expressed their dismay at the parents’ insistence, a few readers offered a potential explanation for their behavior:

Image credit: Reddit

There’s no right or wrong answer here, but two things are clear. Adoption is a very personal matter for both the parent and the child, and people can’t just change their feelings to suit others.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments.

The post Girl Asks if She’s an A-Hole for Resisting Adoption appeared first on UberFacts.

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When Did You See a Person’s Sanity Slowly Deteriorate? People Shared Sad Stories.

It’s always terribly sad when you hear about a person suffering from any form of mental illness that impacts their life in a major way.

And it’s even worse when it actually happens to someone you are close to.

But, unfortunately, sometimes these things happen to our loved ones…and it can even be the people we thought were the most put-together and on top of things.

Here are some interesting stories from AskReddit users who witnessed people slowly losing their grip on sanity.

1. Dementia.

“I’m a CNA at a nursing facility.

One of my residents used to crochet little pot holders and give them out to the workers. She really loved her crocheting, it was her outlet. I was a unit aide when I was starting out there at 17 and I would sit and talk to her while she crocheted.

She’s genuinely one of the the sweetest and most kind hearted women I’ve ever met in my life. Over the next few years, she became like a grandmother to me.

As her dementia progressed, her little pot holders started to get messy looking and crooked. After that, the time she used to spend crocheting was replaced by her fumbling with the yarn for hours. She didn’t want help with it, it kept her busy.

Eventually, she stopped asking us to go fetch her yarn and crocheting supplies all together. Her speech became fragmented and illegible. Her heart and her love for everybody is still incredibly strong- that’s just who she is, but she’s very confused and doesn’t know where she is or what is going on. Currently, she has covid and is fighting for her life like most of my other residents.”

2. My sister.

“My sister passed away earlier this year and she was sick for a long time.

During the last few months you could tell that it was becoming harder for her to think and respond. Paradoxically it actually made her a lot nicer to me. We had never had a great relationship and I always believed she hated me but during those last few months she said very few unkind things to me.

It was hard to know that the only time we ever really got along was right before she passed away.”

3. New reality.

“A long-time friend of mine started talking to me about some metaphysical theories he had.

We used to smoke weed and talk about philosophy when we were younger, so it wasn’t a shock to me. Then he wrote a paper that was dozens of pages long on his new theory of reality

He sent it to me and when I said it gave me a headache to try and read it, he assumed that meant I was understanding it. Every time I saw him after that his behavior was more and more manic. I don’t know if everyone gets these feelings, but one can tell when talking to some people that they’re just slightly… off?

Anyhow, he was apparently harassing some of his old flames and acting strangely enough that his family had him taken to the hospital, where he had visited a few times in the past few weeks. The hospital held him overnight and released him because he wasn’t a threat.

A few days later he started acting out in his mother’s house and broke a window. She called the cops, and they arrested him. The window was worth more than the amount required to make it a felony and he went to jail for six months. Two days inside jail and he’s back to normal. Why?!

Well, he has a degenerative disease that puts him in CONSTANT pain. He couldn’t afford his pain meds and when he went to the hospital, they refused to give him any because they assumed he was a junkie. (He had prior drug issues, if you can imagine.)

He had lost his job, was living in a cold, damp apartment without electricity and couldn’t get the meds he needed; so he descended over the course of a month into someone that LITERALLY thought Neil Degrasse Tyson was talking to him personally through the internet.

Once he had his meds again (again, pain meds not anti-psychotics) he leveled out and spent 6 mos trying to piece together what the f*ck had happened to him.

Super nice guy. He’s been fine for a couple years. Had to make some very elaborate apologies.

It was… uncomfortable to watch.”

4. Started getting odd.

“I was friends with a guy in middle school and from seventh and eighth grade, he was pretty cool. Very much a sports bro and a goofball, but functional.

In high school he started getting a little odd. Like he was there physically but always kind of lagging behind in the moment. He’d get distracted or trail off of a conversation and just go quiet. There were times when he’d get aggressive toward his family but never toward me.

After high school I moved away for college but returned home after my first year and he’d gotten worse. I was in contact with him pretty regularly until I showed up to his house one day and it was like he didn’t remember who I was.

I saw him every now and then after that until about five years later. I was in a Walmart parking lot when he pulled up beside me and got out of his car and started talking to me like nothing had changed.

We exchanged information and he texted me a few times and sent me some weird emails about his religion but I haven’t seen or heard from him in going on four years…”

5. My brother…

“My brother has schizophrenia as well as bipolar and aspergers. He was always a bit aggressive in his teenage years, but he calmed down for a bit in his adult years.

He has problems with relationships and money, but he always made ends meet for the most part, and he wasn’t homeless. But it all went downhill in the summer when he had a schizophrenic break, and was sent to a hospital. He called my mom saying things that were far from the truth.

He said that he didn’t see me for years and that my parents abused him and my grandpa was in the Mafia. Ruined the rest of the vacation. Our grandma and his bunny died later and hes had more than 10 episodes, with 4-5 violent ones that resulted in him going back to the hospital. He went from a person who was generally a good person, to someone who we could barely recognize.

He always loved dieting and being tip-top health, but now he gave that up and chain smokes. It’s sad because I don’t think he will ever be normal again, or at least back to his old self. One of his biggest episodes was ony birthday at 3 A.M he barged into my parents room accusing them of not letting him sleep, saying that he was going to kill them.

We had a katana that he bought years before and he tried to get that, but my dad stopped it. He took a kitchen knife and went up to his room and that’s when cops eventually detained him. I got to stay home on my birthday though. He just switched though.

He was always a healthy person and I saw him slowly decline physically and mentally from all of his disorders. It’s really sad and I hope it dossnt end in death.”

6. A terrible disease.

“My best friend was diagnosed with schizophrenia when we were 23. He was in the top 10 of our high school class, got his bachelor’s with honors in chemistry, and was in grad school.

The degree to which he outshined me was stunning until the day he pulled me aside and told me that a foreign government was going to come get him for his “expertise”.

It was hard. All of his social skills went out the window, he would call his friends up to buy him smokes or go on drives at weird hours until I was the only one who will even pick up the phone.

He reverted to behaving like we were 15 again, trying to get me to do sleepovers and spend my Saturdays killing nazi zombies. Even the way he eats changed. There were a lot of dark nights spent talking through anxiety attacks and reasoning through delusions, and it’s still not over.

I understand why everyone else has removed themselves from the picture, I’ve come pretty close myself. I guess I just choose to believe the old guy is still in there somewhere. It’s such a terrible disease.”

7. Alzheimer’s.

“Watched my grandfather slowly sink into Alzheimer’s. By the end he didn’t know my name or his own. He was sad and angry and confused. I watched every week as he forgot a little more.

Got a little more belligerent. A little more lost. Until one day I walked in and he started screaming that someone was there to rob him. It was the saddest f*cking thing I’ve ever seen.

I have such vivid memories of watching him and my uncles have such animated debates about politics and movies and sports. They used to play Risk until the sun came up listening to Sinatra. He would sit and explain every single play in a baseball game to me as a kid.

He was sharp and the saddest and hardest part was watching the struggle on his face to remember. The frustration he felt. Like he was letting us down. I miss him a lot.”

8. Obsession.

“I was in high school and my best friend went from a normal guy who we would smoke weed occasionally, listen to music and have fun. It went to this obsession with a girl that clearly has no interest in him.

He would literally stalk her, try to win her over. At the same time, he wasn’t keeping up with hygiene and went from a decent student to a poor performer.

One day, he mentioned that he wanted to commit suicide so I told my parents everything that was going on. His parents were extremely well educated but weren’t doing anything about his behaviors.

My parents talked to his and they took it serious after hearing about the thoughts of suicide. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Nearly 40 years later, he still doesn’t look the same. Really sad situation. I still miss him.”

9. Very sad.

“I watched my ex wife slowly spiral down and I didn’t even realize it. She was never really “stable” and had a family history of mental illness.

Apparently she started cheating on me and never had the strength to tell me or get a divorce and the constant lying and being on edge that I would find out at any minute really got to her(this was over the course of a year). Towards the end she would “rock” every time she sat and bit her nails till they bled.

Currently she is maxed out on a host of meds and it takes everything she has to got to work as a janitor and come home. Her father is her “guardian” and helps her pay bills and stuff. She often denies past events or alters them if they were unpleasant(she is very adamant that they are real).

Her father broke down and told me this a month ago and actually recommend that I not encourage our kids to visit her(I would never prevent them from seeing their mother).

So in the course of a of 5 years she went from a fit dental hygienist with a promising career and host of friends to an overweight janitor with no friends who can’t even pay her own rent or buy groceries. I do admire her for going to work every day and trying.”

10. They need help.

“My (ex) best friend over the course of this past year has gone from a normal – well adjusted woman who held down a full time job and a VERY nice apartment to constantly being online and talking about how humans are just slaves to an alien race that lives on mars and how reality doesn’t exist and If she died none of it would matter because reality doesn’t exist…

I don’t talk to her anymore because if I said anything in opposition, she would lose her sh*t on me… very different from the kind, compassionate woman I was best friends with for 4 years. I miss her every day.

Disclaimer: I know she’s doing well, she has a great familial support system and other friends that agree with her beliefs, I just couldn’t be one of them anymore.

We can’t force someone into help if they don’t want to be helped.”

11. Conspiracy theories.

“My mom started going to online blogs and web-radio shows about ghosts, aliens, conspiracies and took it all at face value. I saw my normal mom turn into a complete, gullible ignoramus in a matter of months.

Nobody could talk to her without her bringing up FEMA death camps, potential economic collapse, aliens, antivax or Obama signing more executive orders than any president in history. Her friends thought she might have a brain tumor. she didn’t. She did have cancer she was hiding/ignoring that ended up killing her bc she thought cancer wasn’t real.

This is what happens to lonely people that are looking for a connection…they’ll believe anything just to feel that they are a part of something. It was very sad that she was so unbearable the last couple years of her life.”

12. Sad.

“My grandmother was brilliant and so dedicated to educating herself. She had a library of probably a thousand books, but regularly circulated and bought new ones, and sold ones she didn’t need any more.

She read the paper every day, and when a topic interested her, she would cut out the article and summarize what caught her attention. Then she would file it in one of her enormous filing cabinets with other articles about it, and make notes of how the new article related to what was already there.

She lived in a college town for decades and was friends with many of the professors. They would often come to discuss things of interest to her or them. Including music, art and history professors.

Every month she would create a mini-museum exhibition on her dining room table. “Wood Carvings from around the world” or “Different things made from Lead” with little catalog cards for every item.

I have a 3 page discussion she researched and wrote about the proper times to used “baptised” and “baptized”.

The first sign was that we were watching a documentary about Apollo 13 and she didn’t remember it happening. She didn’t know that it happened at all. There is zero chance that she didn’t follow it as it was happening in her life, (not only was she well informed, but had a collection of LIFE magazines about the space program) and zero chance that she didn’t hear about it afterward. She just didn’t remember it at all.

A little later, she was trying to play with Lego Duplo blocks with my daughter and couldn’t figure out how they worked. She tried putting the same colors together, the same sizes, sliding the smooth sides against each other, putting the pegs against each other. She was so methodical in her trial and error and just couldn’t get it.

In her later years, she just sat in bed, measuring her sheets with her arms, trying to decide if there was enough fabric to make a dress, or an apron.

At the end she remembered that reading was a good thing, even though she couldn’t, and didn’t have the attention to listen.

And she hated my dad, (her son-in-law) she never forgot that. Forgot my mom, but not how much she hated my dad.”

Have you ever seen someone close to you go through something like this?

If so, please share your stories with us in the comments.

Thanks in advance.

The post When Did You See a Person’s Sanity Slowly Deteriorate? People Shared Sad Stories. appeared first on UberFacts.

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Are You Secretly a Jerk? Use the Shopping Cart Theory to Learn the Answer.

If you have to ask yourself if you’re secretly a jerk, chances are that you’re not.

It’s kind of like how real sociopaths would never wonder if they were secretly sociopaths. Still, there are some definitive behaviors of mid-tier jerks.

One of the many tell-tale signs lies in what you do with your shopping cart after a trip to the grocery store.

Pro tip: whatever you do, don’t do this.

So, what do you do with your shopping cart after you’re done shopping?

Do you aimlessly leave it somewhere near where you’ve parked, or do you take the time to push it back to the cart holder? Be honest with yourself.

If you do the latter, good on you.

If you do the former, oops – you just might be an a**hole.

Rest assured, you’re not alone. Even coin incentives aren’t enough to motivate people anymore, these days.

Basically, the theory is rooted in Platonic notions of self-governance.

It’s a gauge of what we’re willing to do on our own so we can all exist peacefully in society. So, our behavior when nobody’s looking (or we at least think that nobody is) is a huge indicator for our own morality. That might seem like a lot of weight resting on just one shopping cart, but it’s a sign of a larger issue.

What do you do when you’re the only one responsible for your actions?

It’s the same idea behind littering and curbing your dog – or even replacing a roll of toilet paper. The shopping cart theory measures how much you’re thinking about other people when they’re not right in front of you. It’s essentially a movable range of how self-absorbed you might be, but it’s by no means a definitive guide.

What do you think of the shopping cart theory? Is it an accurate way of weeding out the jerks, or is it totally misguided?

Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

The post Are You Secretly a Jerk? Use the Shopping Cart Theory to Learn the Answer. appeared first on UberFacts.

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Do You Have an Irrational Fear of Answering the Phone? People Confess That You’re Not Alone!

It’s one of the more ironic things about our society that now that we all have phones in our hands pretty much 24/7, we’ve developed an intense dislike of actually speaking on them.

We’d rather text or DM or PM or Snapchat or heck, even email before actually picking it up and talking to whoever is on the other end of the line.

This guy has an irrational fear of answering, no matter who is calling, and he wonders if he’s alone.

Does anyone else have this irrational fear of answering calls, no matter who’s calling? from NoStupidQuestions

Luckily, answers like that are just what Reddit is for.

Let’s check them out!

16. Definitely not.

I’m not alone then. I HATE getting calls.

Text me all you want – just don’t call me. I get anxious and uncomfortable and I have no idea why.

It’s gotten so bad even my girlfriend is affected. Yeah, she can call me and I’d answer, but our calls rarely go beyond 3 minutes.

I’m not even joking.

15. Those are the devil, too.

Sort of.

But for some reason I will never listen to a voicemail message as I think for some reason they’ll always be bad.

14. No good reason.

My biggest issue is unknown numbers.

I haven’t deleted a number I’ve saved in my phone since I got it but stuff like I’ve joined some service and the person I’m in contact with will use one number but their contact may contact me from another then the initial person has a work mobile that’s set to private and it’s all WHY IS SOMEONE PHONING ME???

13. Even more reason not to answer in your private time.

Yes.

I also work at a call center.

It’s lots of fun.

12. Things are getting worse, too.

I have a very difficult time answering phone calls. It wasn’t something I’ve always had… it’s progressed over the last 18 years.

Hell, even if I don’t answer and the callers leaves a message, I have a difficult time actually listening to the message. I don’t understand it… it’s completely irrational.

The only thing I can think of is that in my mind, if I don’t acknowledge the call or the message, I don’t have to deal with whatever potential threat/problem/situation exists on the other end.

11. Sometimes we have to.

I’m a 911 operator and I still have anxiety about using the phone, outside of work of course.

I’m guessing a different state of mind exists when you’re working that kind of blocks it out.

10. Sooooo awkward.

Yes, I have social anxiety to begin with but for some reason not being able to see the person I’m talking to makes it so much worse.

Also the city I live in has dogsh%t cell reception so by the fourth time I have to say “I’m sorry, say again?”

I’m about ready to curl up in a ball and give up. LOL

9. Anxiety is no fun.

Yes, but I suffer from generalized anxiety.

When my anxiety is really unsettled, the phone is really hard for me.

Making or receiving calls can be a totally daunting task.

Overwhelming, even.

Without the invention of texting, I would be SOL.

8. Just say no.

Yes. I hate answering my phone unless I know who it is or am expecting a call.

I just let it go to voicemail and then call back if necessary.

7. Apps are a godsend.

Luckily these days most places hat deliver support online or app ordering.

Haven’t called for a good delivery in a couple years.

6. Hopefully next year.

It certainly does make me feel anxious, and if I’m not expecting a call and it’s an unknown number, a little afraid too.

Either way, both of us should leave the house more often.

5. Humans should come with warning labels.

Yep! My boyfriend is nice enough to make appointments for me and pick up my meds.

I don’t know why but every time I make the calls myself it’s like I have this strange kind of goodbye exchange that seems all intimate and weird.

And then one time I accidentally hung up on a lady without saying bye and I could not get over it, I felt so bad.

I hate calling people, god dammit. I also probably never answer the phone when it rings.

Just send me an email or something I’m scared, I’m poor, I’m anxious, I don’t want what you’re selling.

4. It’s a real thing.

Telephone phobia is reluctance or fear of making or taking phone calls, literally, “fear of telephones”. It is considered to be a type of social phobia or social anxiety.

It may be compared to glossophobia, in that both arise from having to engage with an audience, and the associated fear of being criticized, judged or made a fool of.

3. Why would you?

Same.

I never answer my phone if I’m not expecting a call or don’t know who it is.

If they don’t leave a message I don’t call back.

2. This is definitely a thing.

I’ll do you one better.

If I’m going to order ahead from a restaurant and I discover that they don’t have online ordering, I find a different restaurant.

1. At least you’re not alone.

generalized anxiety
That feeling when you are watching the screen, knowing you cant reject the call, and holding your breath until the call leaves the screen, so you can get back to Reddit.

Next, you wonder how long is best to wait, before you text them an excuse as to why you didn’t answer..

Then, you get lost on Reddit and forget someone called, and you never call or text them back.

Eventually, you see them in person, they’re all, “yooo, you never answer your phone! Why do you even have one?!”

Sorry, I just suck at life.

I don’t think I have a fear,  exactly, but I would definitely rather text.

Give us your thoughts in the comments!

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Men Who Don’t Usually Open Up Share What’s on Their Minds

I’m probably not telling you something you don’t already know, but a lot of men out there aren’t exactly good at letting their emotions out.

Well, we’re about to change that right now, even if it is anonymously.

Men on AskReddit were nice enough to open up about their emotions. Let’s take a look.

1. Terrified.

“I act indifferent and have things under control but in reality I’m terrified of the future. I think about 100 what-if scenario a day.

I don’t like to talk about myself because I feel like I’m not interesting or people don’t care about what I have to say about my life.

Thank God I have good friends but those things not even them I can share with.”

2. Tough times.

“I don’t want to exist anymore, honestly.

I dont want to die, I just want the memory of me and who I am to be wiped away from EVERYONE so I don’t disappoint anyone anymore.

I just want to be a ghost and not exist anymore.

Sorry just going through some sh*t right now with depression, heartbreak, insomnia, and a slew of other things that I have to hide so to not hurt or disappoint anyone.”

3. We all need that sometimes.

“Give us a pat on the back and ask us how we’re doing every now and then, as small as it may seem it can mean the world to some.”

4. That’s sad.

“I kinda wish my close friends remembered my birthday today.

They usually remember down to the exact minute, but this year, none of them did (at least so far).

I know they’re all busy and have bigger things to be worrying about, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel a bit lonely.”

5. Bottled up.

“I’m afraid that I have bottled up my feelings for so long that if I’m ever lucky enough to find a person I want to open up to, it will either be impossible or everything will come out at once and scare them off.”

6. Scary.

“My ex wife, who mentally abused me for years and physically abused me on separate occasions, who I’ve been separated with for 2.5 years and in the process of getting a divorce from, still harasses to this day, as well as the woman I’ve been dating.

I’ve asked for help on several occasions from the police and the court system. I basically get mocked and laughed at by our judicial system because, “what, is this woman going to beat you up?”

I’m going to end up with a knife in my chest before anyone listens or takes a step in ending her terror.”

7. Eating disorder.

“My eating disorder has gotten bad again. I’m extremely lonely and isolated. I’ve lost friends just by being “independent and confident” and not texting and call first so now I’m nearly alone.

I’m petrified about the future with a million paths and no direction, and I’m so stressed that I can’t get a good pathway started. I’m terrified of dating because I still feel extremely insecure about my body.

Tonight my first day off in while I woke up jerked off, binge ate junk food threw it up and started drinking and now I’m on reddit so yeah. I’m so depressed and anxious I don’t know why.”

8. Broken.

“I am still broken on the inside. That my “soul” is like f*cking coventry after the Germans raided it during the second world war.

That I am afraid to sink into depression for the sixth time in my life because it got worse and longer with every single time. Because the only thing that kept me alive was my back then gf who left me.

That I consider myself a massive disappointment, the failure of my family and that my family would be better off without me. That my family, especially my parents were a major reason for these five depressions. That all it will take to push me over the edge and into suicide is just a little push because I do not want to struggle for the sixth time.

That I am still not over my break up, despite it being something that happened over 2 years ago. That I still cry from time to time whenever I think about the past.”

9. A hard situation.

“So my mom is chronically ill, her brain is deteriorating fast.

My dad is understandably very stressed due to all of this and how many years it has lasted, he’s the only other person in this household I really can talk to (a conversation with my mom isn’t really a real conversation) and he’s too stressed to have the energy or time to do so meaning I’m really isolated.

I just finished high school in spring and moved back home after living with my best friend for 9 months, before living there I was doing the same thing as now with taking care of my mom to help with my dad’s stress all while doing IB with 5 higher levels.

I’m currently spending my sabbatical taking care of my sick vegetative mom instead of getting a job and saving up and getting some good experiences, I’m 20 years old and I am in no way living life for myself in any way.

My only real escape is going to the gym to work out, the sweet release of dopamine is probably the only thing keeping me from falling down into the deep dark hole of despair and depression; well that and being a nerd in the kitchen which has gone from a hobby to a daily chore.

I imagined my sabbatical would involve saving up, maybe getting a girlfriend, traveling with my best friend and not just living for the sake of taking care of my parents. Honestly it sometimes takes weeks to have a real conversation with people, I feel so alone and granted it’s necessary the quarantine isn’t doing anything to help my situation.”

10. Into the void.

“I want to be free. I want to be free from nations, systems, norms, and ages.

I hate feeling and thinking.

This is a really beautiful planet but a really sad world.

I really wish i can go back to the void and nonexistence.”

11. Expectations.

“I hate it when expectations are placed on me, next year I am going to college. My parents have expectations of me passing and successfully getting in.

So as of now, she wants me to retain or get higher grades than usual, and the thing is I don’t want stress, I wanna live my life peacefully and stress-free as much as possible. My parents aren’t bad, I know they just want the best for me, it’s just that I am afraid that I cannot meet their expectations and disappoint them.

To try and get rid of the stress and pressure temporarily I usually play games, watch shows, or read books. I will admit that I do put a lot of my time into those things, but the reason why is because it helps me temporarily forget about my problems in the world, while doing those things I can feel at ease, but sometimes my parents condemn me a bit for spending too much time on those things.

Sometimes I just wanna say that I do these things to help me calm down about life, but I don’t know how to say it or even if they would understand it.

Lastly, I feel like there’s no purpose in my life, I just wake up every day, go to online classes, listen to the teachers, do my requirements, sleep, rinse and repeat. I just don’t know what to do in life, I feel like an empty husk that has no purpose.

I’m not suicidal at all or anything but sometimes I just wonder what would it be like if I just never existed at all. I just don’t know what to do with life, I have no goals, no dreams, I barely feel happiness left, I don’t know what to make me happy. I just feel completely lost, I don’t know what to do.”

12. Lovelorn.

“I met an incredibly beautiful, smart, loving girl but I work abroad and I have to go away after Christmas.

After 3 failed relationships which only lasted months, this is the first person I can see myself having a stable and happy relationship with.

The thought of having a long distance relationship breaks me, because I know I can’t do it, I don’t like texting or video calling, and they rarely work.

She also gets a lot of attention from other men and I feel like I would lose her quickly.

I’m sad, trying not to fall in love. I’ve always felt that I wouldn’t find anyone for me, and now that I have I can’t be with her.”

13. About to crack.

“My wife needs me to be mentally and emotionally strong, capable, confident, able to make decisions, able to lead and manage. I cannot show weakness, anxiety, indecision or exhaustion in front of her. I cannot make mistakes.

But I am weak, anxious, indecisive and exhausted – because I am only human. 2020 has been a tough year for everyone, but in addition to Covid I have started a new job, in a new country, and borne the brunt of all the administrative, logistical and financial management of moving us. I have decision fatigue. I wake up with a sense of dread. All I really want to do is hibernate.

But I can’t show it. She ‘loses faith in me’ if I don’t keep a stiff upper lip and just ‘handle it like a man’. She supports in lots of practical ways – shopping, cooking, cleaning, childcare – but what I need now is a friend, someone I can be myself with, and can share my fears and vulnerabilities with, can have the liberty to be less than perfect with.

She won’t let me do that, because it scares her too much. She needs a strong man to cling to, and if her man turns out not to be strong she lashes out in fear.

So I have to kind of bottle it up. I used to have a group of male friends – I couldn’t really discuss these things, but at least we could go out for a drink once in a while and unwind – but Covid and moving have put an end to that. I now feel that I have no-one, really, who is close enough with whom to share this crushing burden of responsibility.

It is affecting our marriage – because it doesn’t feel like a partnership. A husband and wife should first and foremost be friends, but she says she can’t be my friend because friends don’t have to rely on each other financially. It’s like being married to a housekeeper / secretary.

We have s*x from time to time, but without the emotional support of a friend I feel like that, too, is a performance – that I have to put on a persona of a super-masculine, hyper-dominant ‘real man’; anything less she says is ‘disgusting’. She doesn’t even like cuddling afterwards because she thinks it’s ‘pathetic’ and ‘real men don’t cuddle, they f*ck and leave’.

I’m deeply, deeply unhappy. But the only people who know are random internet strangers.

One day I swear I’m going to crack. The only reason I don’t is because we have a kid.”

Now we want to hear from you.

What’s on YOUR mind that you’d like to get off your chest?

Talk to us in the comments!

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Therapists Discuss Their “Holy Sh*t” Moments With Clients

We all have unique things that we deal with at our jobs on a daily basis, but therapists really see and hear some wild things.

And us non-therapists never really get a peek into that world…until now!

Therapists got real on AskReddit about the unusual things they’ve seen and heard on the job. Let’s take a look.

1. Awful.

“I was counseling a 13 year old girl for anxiety and she reported s*xual abuse from her step dad. I called her mom and told her mother I needed to call child protective services. Turns out that CPS was already aware and the abuse was first report around the patients age 7.

Mom was aware of the abuse and stayed with her husband anyway. It was a complicated situation, and it wasn’t. How could she not do more to protect her daughter?!

Sorry lady… I’m judging.”

2. People are sick.

“My professor once shared what a patient said that made her quit her job: “I didn’t r*pe my daughter, she liked it.” The daughter was six.

She couldn’t take it anymore. She worked in a rehabilitation centre for people who have been sentenced for serious crimes and were forced to get mental help.

Really difficult job and this pushed her over the edge.”

3. Good Lord…

“Once had a patient whose wife shook their baby to death. He wanted help reconnecting with his wife.

At the time I was a young father of a newborn myself, and he triggered a lot of fear in me for my own child, a deep loathing of his spouse, and pity (the “how pathetic” kind) for the patient.

I tried for 3 sessions, met his spouse and everything before handing the case over to my supervisor (who knew about my initial reactions, and tried to help me through it).

Unfortunately, it ended up being more about my feelings than his, and I was new to the profession at the time. These things are expected to crop up from time to time, but I was still taken aback by my own reactions.”

4. Dumbstruck.

“I work at a group home.

We had a kid who we had admitted four months prior, when in a family session they mentioned they had parasites. Mom said, “yeah, our whole family has them, we don’t get rid of them since they’re part of our biological ecosystem.”

I was dumbstruck.

We spent three weeks afterwards convincing this family it was an infectious disease concerns as other residents have fecal eating behaviors and various other unsanitary issues that could cause a unit spread.

Three weeks of education, planning, and worse of all convincing this kid and mother that their IQ wouldn’t drop because they had agreed to irradiate the parasites!!!

Lots of CBT work, but Jesus it took way longer than any of my team expected!”

5. Brutal.

“I work with kids who have experienced some kind of abuse/trauma (90% of my clients have been s*xually abused). I have a lot of holy sh*t moments but not from judgment of my clients but from what happened to them.

I’ve had clients whose father made them help him dismember mom’s body after dad murdered her in front of them. I’ve had clients under the age of 8 who have been s*x trafficked.

I’ve had clients who have been forced to film torture p*rn. I have holy sh*t moments all the time.”

6. Judging.

“I feel like a lot of the comments saying that they NEVER judge their clients might be working in voluntary services or they’ve been very fortunate in their client base. Judgement isn’t an inherently bad thing. It’s how we know that murdering people is wrong.

So when a convicted pedophile client told me, “nothing gets me going like a pair of little girl’s worn panties”, you better believe I judged the f*ck out of him. I continued to work with him and I treated him with compassion and respect because he’s a human being worthy of both; I did my job because I’m a professional.

But I can’t honestly say that I didn’t judge him. I judged that he should never be around children. I judged that he is not yet ready for change. I judged that his access to his own daughter should be closely supervised. That’s a lot of judgements.

Understanding your own inherent biases and how they influence your work is a very important part of training and practice.”

7. Not a good move.

“As the pandemic worsened here in the US and more lock downs are on their way, one of my most extroverted clients and I brainstormed ways to meet her social needs while remaining safe.

The following week she canceled her session and told me that she’s positive for COVID after attending an orgy, which definitely wasn’t one of our ideas.

I let out the deepest most defeated sigh after I hung up the phone.”

8. Anger management.

“I ran a men’s anger management group though, and some of those men had done some terrible things to women. Most of them I found ways to like and admire for their positive aspects, but there were two guys in that group I just could never find “unconditional positive regard” for.

One guy basically never spoke in group. He would give one word answers and occasionally just discuss how unfair the “system” was to him. I worked really hard to open him up and find things to connect over but he never opened up to me or the group. He left the group after he strangled his girlfriend and went to jail. She survived thankfully.

The other left group early routinely, showed up late, participated minimally and similarly never wanted to open up honestly. He left early one group after we had discussed him staying to the end and threatened me when I told him he wasn’t going to get credit for attendance (something the court required).

Oddly, I eventually moved into the apartment below him (completely without knowledge) and listened to him scream at his girlfriend and break sh*t while I called the cops.

I judge these men. They’re sh*tty. Maybe they’re redeemable, but redemption requires self-exploration and they both refused to do so. It’s worth noting how differently I felt about them than so many others in the group; men I found ways to help and admire and respect even in spite of their awful behavior in the past.”

9. Youth issues.

“I work with youth and adolescents who have anxiety, trauma, and/or depression. Some of the kids I worked with had some pretty severe attachment issues. Regardless of this, I never thought I’d have to seriously explain:

“You can’t just buy a straitjacket for your kid.”

“Feeding your kid ultra Spicy Ramen each night instead of the meal everyone else is eating isn’t specifically defined as abuse, but you have to understand the emotional abuse that this causes.”

“Your kid isn’t trying to kill you because they stand in your doorway at night crying. Thats likely because they’re scared of their traumatic nightmares, but feel like you will just yell at them if they wake you up.”

10. This is terrible.

“A woman who deliberately kept getting pregnant because she enjoyed the attention, and then would immediately afterwards dump her kids with the foster system or in one case a willing relative.

She had six kids at the time I met her…”

11. Drug lord.

“It’s not often I get to talk about my profession, but here goes: I was working at a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center and had a client come in who was a self proclaimed “drug lord”.

As we worked together, he told me about his history. Included in this history was how he got to where he was currently at.

During the conversation, this man admitted to selling his sister into s*x slavery, forcibly injecting her with several sedatives and narcotics, and having several people “teach her a lesson” (what this meant, he never shared). He told this story with a blank face, smiling only when he recalled the “good times”, which he referred to as times when he had enough heroin to get through the day.

I’m not sure where he is at now, but this man inspired me to work with victims of s*x trafficking, because not only do they deal with the stigma of “selling their bodies”, they often manage drug addictions.

People would honestly be floored of they realized how many people were addicted to chemicals that they were forcibly given.”

12. The straight story.

“I work in mental health and have worked in acute and crisis settings for the majority of my career.

The most notable event I experienced was when a young person had presented with significant ongoing suicidal ideation who was dealing with a lot of sh*t. I spent a lot of time with them mostly deescalation and working out what the plan should be moving forward.

One of their parents came in a little while later and I had the opportunity to speak to them about where their child was and what had been going on, with their consent of course. Midway through me trying to explain some of the psychological constructs and ways the parent could help they said to me, “is this going to take much longer I have a show to go and watch”.

All I can say is, I never judge my patients, I have never walked their path or viewed the world through their eyes. But the people around them who perpetuate the suffering of the people I work with through ignorance, malice and selfishness, I judge them.”

Have you ever had any major “oh sh*t” moments at your job?

If so, tell us your stories in the comments.

We’d love to hear ’em!

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Therapists Discussed Moments When Clients Really Caught Them by Surprise

I admire people who work as therapists because they have a very tough job.

And I think it would be very difficult to not bring all that baggage home every night…

But we’re dealing with professionals here, okay? And we’re in luck because they talked about some clients that did some crazy sh*t.

Therapists opened up on AskReddit about some of the more interesting things they’ve seen on the job.

1. Troubled.

“Parents of a “troubled” child, which turn out to be the problem themselves.

Total refusal to do any kind of introspection, try to convince everybody (cps, police, psychologist, doctor) the kid was the problem, complain the kid was… A kid (a teenager a that point) by growing too fast and costing money to feed and clothe.

He had smashed their t.v. with an axe. Turns out they hadn’t speak or pay any attention to him in several years and they spent 99% of their free time watching t.v. Kid had no other behavior problem, great in school, very calm. He just reach a point where he couldn’t stand being ignore any longer so he had what she called a “Fried Green Tomatoes” moment.

Parents dismissed their responsibility, only problem they saw was the wacked t.v. Kid got emancipated at 16 and moved to f*ck out of there.

She had a private practice and the only times she expressed any judgment was when someone seeks therapy but refused to do any work or partake in the process. Paying a therapist is not paying someone to agree with you.

You need to show up, you need to -at least- try.”

2. Wow.

“I now work in the jail and there are quite a few s*x offenders in my program.

I struggle with the ones who honestly believe their victims (as young as 8) were in mutual loving relationships with them.

It’s super difficult at times not to just say “dude, WTF!””

3. Give yourself some credit.

“Some of my clients are SHOCKINGLY BAD at giving themselves credit.

They might get a nearly straight A GPA in a brutal major while battling depression, or overcome years of phobia and get behind the wheel again, or write a literal novel, or raise a kid as a single parent with low income

Rr build new relationships after being burned, or cope with OCD well enough to hold down a job. And they’ll talk about themselves as if everyone on earth is better than them, as if their accomplishments are worthless.

And I know it’s because of depression or anxiety or another condition, but I’m often stunned by how differently I see them compared to how they see themselves.”

4. Heartache.

“Had a patient apologise for crying during a consultation, saying ‘I know I shouldn’t be sad, I’ve got so many great things going for me’

Dude.

Three months ago you had to move back to your parents after an unexpected breakup.

Back to the environment which contributed to your official diagnosis.

The same place where your sister was living- before she died, one month after your return to that house, of the same diagnosis you have.

And because she died during a pandemic, not only could you not visit her in hospital before she died, you had difficulty organising her funeral.

In addition to all that he felt financially responsible for both his parents as they’d both lost their benefits- a loss which they couldn’t appeal as their mental health was so poor the concept of fighting that decision was making them suicidal.

I want to hug a lot of my patients, but this one made my heart ache.”

5. Judged.

“The one thing I’ve judged is the situations that people survive and continue to live their lives.

I’ve worked with torture survivors, survivors of genocide and famine. I’ve worked with people whose entire villages were wiped out because a war lord wanted the water well that was sitting in the town.

It always gives me pause in terms of the anguish some people face and their resilience. So if I have one message, it would be in the words of RJ Palacio, “Be kind for everyone is fighting a hard battle.””

6. Psychotherapy.

“I’m a psychotherapist on an adult inpatient unit, so things rarely phase me. I purposely do inpatient because the thought of seeing people for years at a time bores me.

I’ve been kicked, spit on, seen a lot of nude people, but I help pull people back from their darkest points. It’s pretty awesome. My theory is everyone has a story of how they got there. Even a pedophile.

That being said, I had a patient that was having consensual s*x with her uncle. Very wealthy, society type people. She went very in-depth about the relationship. That one weirded me out.”

7. Are you serious?

“I currently have a young female client that is struggling with homelessness, a history of trauma, s*xual abuse, etc.

She’s not handling these things well, as can be expected. Grandmother, who is her only support, keeps kicking the ten year old out of her house (making her homeless at ten) for acting out, and told me she can’t understand why client won’t just “act right.”

Lady. Are you serious?”

8. Hearing voices.

“There was a client a young teenager that was hearing voices to hurt himself.

He had multiple crisis calls and was admitted several times to crisis centers for observation until he got prescribed meds and was starting to show improvement.

He was starting to disclose that he may have been Gay and was stressed out because his father was old school religious and a pillar of the community.

The young man was recommended to go to treatment abs start in a facility to keep him acclimate to he meds and just to give him some coping skills and all that.

His father pulled him out AMA and refused to allow him to continue medication. He also discontinued his therapy for a more religious approach.

3 months later he completed his suicide.

I see that father around and I want to f*ck him up. I wish I could.”

9. Scary.

“In working with a young elementary aged student, he would start mast*rbating when explaining how he wanted to kill his teacher and classmates in gruesome detail.

Thankfully we were able to transfer him to a more appropriate day school setting where he could receive special services.”

10. Couples counseling.

“Couples counseling; parents of a baby (4 or 5 months old).

We are halfway in our session when I ask them about their baby. Mom: she is in bed right now. Me: ah, grandparents babysitting? Dad: no, she is at home alone. Nothing can happen to her. We bought a special mattress, one where she (baby) cannot suffocate

Me: mouth open… staring at them for a couple of seconds. Then: how long did it take you to get here? Mom: 15 mins or so. Me: alright, the session is over.

I want you guys to go home immediately and call me when you arrive. Please hurry. And Never ever leave your baby alone!”

11. So bad.

“I’ve worked with some really sh*tty parents in my career. Probably one of the worst was the mom who kept sneaking the stepfather back into the house who was being investigated for molesting her daughter.

Hard not to judge someone who puts her own daughter at risk so she could get laid.”

12. Sabotaging.

“It is highly unlikely for me to have moments where I judge my clients.

It happens sometimes, but I’m able to shut down those thoughts quickly in my head and return to being present for the people I see. People are so incredibly complex that my judgment wouldn’t have any meaning anyway and it doesn’t have a place in our work together.

I will admit though, something that does get me feeling a little salty is when I have a client’s parent that attempts to sabotage the therapeutic relationship I have with their child.

Or pulling them out of therapy entirely when some of the things we talk about challenges some potentially unhealthy family dynamics. I don’t feel anger toward the parents, mostly I feel bad for the kid.”

What do you think is your biggest “oh sh*t” work moment?

Tell us your stories in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

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