Check Out the Wild Science Behind the Creepy “Thatcher Effect”

There’s absolutely no shortage of weird things the human brain will do if you put it in a scenario it doesn’t expect, or hasn’t been primed to expect.

It’s not that our brains don’t like surprises, exactly, it’s more that they just act like they don’t exist if they’re not sure how to handle them.

Case in point, the Thatcher Effect – sometimes known as the Thatcher Illusion.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Smith, whose video showcasing the oddity has earned over 33 million views, the Thatcher Effect is “a phenomenon in which changes in facial features that are very obvious in an upright face are much more difficult to identify when the face is upside down.”

@drjuliesmith

check out my IGTV video for why this happens (link in bio) #psychologyfacts #illusion #psychologytest #psychologytricks #psychology #learnontiktok

♬ Dr Julie Smith The Thatcher Effect – Dr Julie Smith – Psychologist

In her video, she vertically flipped people’s eyes and mouths in photographs, and even though the changes “seem obvious” in an upright photos, look normal when the picture is flipped upside down.

Image Credit: TikTok

Psychology professor Peter Thompson was the first person to point it out, back in 1980.

He used pictures of British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher for his demonstration, which is how the effect got its name.

Image Credit: TikTok

Even though we’ve had a few decades to puzzle it out, Dr. Smith tells Buzzfeed we’re still not sure exactly how it works.

“This is thought to happen because our brains are so finely tuned to recognizing faces in the upright position.

This enables us to identify many faces that are very similar as unique individuals very easily.

It has been hypothesized that the cognitive processes involved in face recognition rely as much on the structural relationship between features as the features themselves.”

No matter the reason, seeing it for yourself is interesting, to say the least.

Image Credit: TikTok

OMFG. That is terrifying.

Those weird-looking organs running our bodies and lives for us never cease to amaze – even when they’re technically misfiring.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments!

The post Check Out the Wild Science Behind the Creepy “Thatcher Effect” appeared first on UberFacts.

October 5, 2020

Therapists Discuss Patients That Actually Frightened Them

Let’s get creepy!

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a therapist who had a scary patient and I guess now I’m gonna find out.

Because we’re about to read responses from therapists who’ve had patients that they were genuinely afraid of.

Check out these responses from AskReddit users.

1. Scary.

“This was early on in training but a mandated client had dropped acid before the session and it started coming on while we were talking.

He didn’t want to be there as it was and was much larger than me (5’0″). Once he got to threatening me for being the reason everything was wrong with the world I ended up needing to get up and leave my own office to get a supervisor.

I definitely thought he would hit and/or strangle me if I stayed.”

2. She meant it.

“The only one I have felt a little scared of was one who threatened to kill me. I knew she meant it.

She had already assaulted a number of other staff. She got sent to a higher security ward and I heard she had broke staff’s fingers first day she was there.

She held staff and other patients hostage in one of our rooms threatening them but circling the table as if playing with them first. I see violence and aggression regularly and it doesn’t phase me but she did.

I would purposely avoid eye contact and look straight ahead avoiding her and pretend I wasn’t intimidated, as that’s what she wanted.”

3. Rage.

“I have a student who is 6’4” with emotional behavioral issues.

Reading his social history made me cry because of all the sh*t he’s been through. So, of course, I have a soft spot for him. But his anger gets out of control and it can be very scary. He punched a pole right in front of me once and narrowly missed my face.

I looked at him in the eyes and sternly said do you realize you almost just punched me in the face? He snapped out of his rage and apologized profusely.

I wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright. “

4. Freaky.

“I was pretty nervous when the drunk partner of a client backed me into a corner, and pretty goddamn sweaty when a violent s*x offender with a good 80 pounds on me blocked my exit and told me he was going to kill me and my family.

The one that really got me long term was a 15 year old girl in a residential program I worked at. She had substance use issues, which is why she was there, but it was clear from the jump that she had deep, DEEP mental health stuff stemming from her child.

She had been adopted out of a Russian orphanage where she and a younger sibling has been left in a crib alone for god knows how long, covered in lice and shaved bald. She had a lot of (expected) attachment issues but talking to her was like talking to a black pit full of hatred. She hated everyone and everything and had no conception of consequences or what self preservation was.

She’d do stuff that would spin your head around in terms of how unsafe it was…and she just had no reaction. There was no getting through to her, as she needed the interventions when she was a very small child to be able to move forward successfully. She was discharged when it was found out that she was hiding knives under her mattress.

I would not be surprised if she was in jail at this point.”

5. That’s bad.

“In my first semester as a therapist I had a client bring a large hunting knife to session one day, he had it in his waist band in the back.

He revealed it halfway through our session He had been referred to our practice for anger issues.

When in doubt, REPORT.”

6. Had enough.

“Enough to quit my job.

Had high case load of suicidal teens. Most were medicated and low risk, but had two kiddos who had several suicide attempts prior to me, and while under my watch.

I was getting physically ill, not sleeping well, constantly worried. I tried to transfer them to a higher level of care but our company was greedy and didn’t want to transfer them and lose those funds.

I ended up quitting on the spot for these kids to be given a trauma focused therapist and get the help they needed.

Best decision for both myself and those kids.”

7. WHOA.

“They were very delusional and a heavy addict.

They decided our therapeutic engagement was a love story unfolding. Ended with the swat team showing up at the office when they showed up with a weapon and lost their sh*t when I wasn’t there. They disappeared for a couple years.

They appeared behind me on a bus one day and said I saw you with your daughter at your house she’s really pretty. Then gave me my address. They are a known s*x offender. I moved as soon as I could.”

8. Like a horror movie.

“Worked with a patient that complained of reoccurring night terrors about lobsters being boiled alive.

He couldn’t figure out what was causing them.

The fact he killed his gf, chopped her up and boiled her head didn’t seem come to him as a reason he might be having these dreams.

My only fear is the system will have to release him one day as they could never get him sane enough to stand trial.”

9. Takes a strong person.

“I remember when I was working on an adult acute unit, there was a guy who had come to be there through some kind of bizarre circumstances.

He was a pretty important person in the rural area he was from, and he was pretty charismatic. Had a huge family that all showed up for the family session despite having to drive several hours to get there.

The unit had windows that were translucent from ceiling to floor so that light could get in but no one could see into or out of the unit for privacy.

I met with each patient individually as well as in groups, and my office door locked automatically (as is typical for acute units). No one but myself and the custodian had a key. For this reason, I usually tried to meet with folks individually in the group room when it was empty, so we had privacy but I could also get help if needed.

This guy came to my office door and knocked. When I opened it, he came in without an invitation and sat in one of the 2 chairs on the door side of my desk. I sat in the other. He was going on about how much he appreciated my work and how much I’d helped him (which felt disingenuous—he frequently indicated he didn’t feel he needed to be there).

I became gradually aware that he was between me and the door, which was not usually a problem. You actually want to make sure folks have easy access to an exit. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t want to be between a patient and the door.

I did home-based work after I left inpatient work, and in that context, you most definitely do need to be closest to the door). I was also uncomfortably aware of how close he was to me. He could easily touch me if he decided to. I was aware of the fact that I don’t usually feel uncomfortable with proximity, as long as I generally feel safe, so alarm bells started going off.

Then he suddenly said, “how do you like driving that little silver [make and model of my exact car]?” As I said, the windows of this building were all frosted, so there was no way for him to see me getting into or out of my car. All the hairs on my body stood on end.

I had the mental image of being in a room with a tiger. Maybe I’d be fine. Maybe the tiger wasn’t hungry or mad. Or maybe he was. I was only going to get out of that room safely if he decided to let me, which is exactly the experience he wanted me to have, and I could see that he was enjoying it.

That was scary, even though I didn’t have any reason to think he was interested in hurting me physically.

Thank god I have a degree in theatre. I’m sure his predatory instincts told him that I’d received his message loud and clear, but I gave no outward indication of my feelings. I got him out by saying I had to meet with the psychiatrist, and he left the unit soon after.

That was very early in my career, and one of the first of a handful of instances. I’ve done meaningful work with murderers, rapists, animal and child abusers, and just ordinary bullies, and like I said, it’s not about what someone has done.

The folks who have frightened me were (with one notable exception) just ordinary people without scary rap sheets.”

10. Two incidents.

“Used to be a therapist at a behavioral health hospital. I had some patients who genuinely scared me in theory, but nothing ever happened with them. I was significantly attacked twice at work.

Both patients were young women. Neither of them “scared” me beforehand. Both were incredibly quiet, withdrawn, and unassuming. One strangled me with my keys- my lanyard was a breakaway for that very reason, but she had tried to steal them several times that shift in attempt to escape the building and run into traffic, so I stupidly knotted off the breakaway portion.

We carried panic buttons on the lanyards and I was able to press it while being strangled with it.

The other attack occurred when I was fairly new and on a low-security unit, in view of other staff. I was walking away from the patient and she grabbed me by my hair, pulled me to the ground, and dragged me for several feet down the hallway where she began kicking me in the chest and stomach.

She was sent to a higher security unit as a result. I guess I was afraid of her after that, but she wasn’t there long. There was law enforcement intervention after she assaulted a pregnant nurse, pulled her to the ground as well, and stomped on her stomach.”

11. A charmer.

“Worked residential for 20 years. Had only 2 kids scare me

. One put his baby sister in the freezer. She was found quickly and was ok. He was charming, a good looking kid and quite clever. Also no history of trauma or abuse. Serious serial killer vibes.

One was horribly abused and somehow figured out I was pregnant. I wasn’t showing at all since I was fat. He would just stare at my stomach. I asked to be moved to a different group. First kid was or still may be a case study for students at the local big university.”

12. The door is blocked.

“The only time I’ve ever been scared is when my physical safety is threatened such as a patient blocking the door, hinting they know where I live, or implying they’d like to hurt or r*pe me.

I have a stellar poker face and once these really tough patients realize that I’m unfazed they usually drop it. My strength in therapy is mostly just broad acceptance and tolerance of whatever they bring to the table.

I let them know when I have to break confidentiality from the get go and that’s that.”

Have you ever had a patient, a co-worker, a friend, or a family member who you were legitimately afraid of?

If so, tell us all about it in the comments.

Thanks!

The post Therapists Discuss Patients That Actually Frightened Them appeared first on UberFacts.

October 5, 2020

Therapists Talk About Patients That Genuinely Scared Them

I think these responses are going to sound like something out of a horror movie…so it should be kind of exciting! And creepy…

We’re about to hear from therapists who admitted that they have had patients that genuinely scared the hell out of them.

Are you ready to get creeped out?

Here’s what therapists said on AskReddit.

1. Threatening.

“I worked with a student who used to threaten us.

He’d stand directly behind me with a pencil and threaten to stab me with it. I’d remind him what would happen if he did, but otherwise didn’t flinch or try and look at him.

He’d get mad then and throw the pencil across the room. It turns out me and one other lady were able to sit stone faced when he was like that an she never did anything. He’d get way worse if he thought anyone was scared of him.

I was the lucky one, he’d threaten to stab her in the eye. I’d always joked that I’d rather not see it coming.”

2. Scary.

“I was genuinely scared of a 17 yr old client I had. They were adopted and then “given back” to child protective services.

They told me in session they had an entire plan to burn their house down. Down to the date and the time.

I was terrified.”

3. Take it seriously.

“In one of my first clinical placements I had a psychiatrist supervising me who would toss me cases without any meaningful review. One afternoon I went into a room to meet someone for the first time and was told they were “anxious.”

The individual was floridly psychotic and informed me shortly after I walked in that he was scared for himself and others because he was a werewolf and would be transforming that evening.

Apparently I did not respond quickly or meaningfully enough, because in almost the next breath he informed me that I was not taking him seriously enough, picked up the office lamp, and threatened to beat me to death with it.”

4. Nice to me.

“The only client who scared me was one that was nice to me.

He was awful to everyone else on the treatment team and would never comply with services until I came along. He always greeted me with a smile and wanted to know what I did in my spare time. Asked personal questions. I lied about my entire life.

He would call me to chat about nothing sometimes. I could tell that it was all superficial, however. I would have to text my boss when I arrived at his home and when I was back at my car with the doors locked.

When I got pregnant I begged to be removed from the case.”

5. A tense situation.

“I was doing in home work during my first internship. I was working with a 16 year old male diagnosed with schizophrenia.

This kid was huge, like 6’9 and was jacked. He had assaulted three police officers that responded to a call about my client choking his mom. He threatened to r*pe his sister and pulled a knife on her as well. He had threatened to r*pe several other women.

He also assaulted a worker at an inpatient facility, he broke the dude’s nose. So my agency sends my *ss to work with the kid (I’m 5’1 and weigh like 95 lbs). While working with him he was pretty heavily sedated from all his meds when I met with him, so this made him slightly less scary.

He got up several times during our session and would start pacing. Every time he got up my heart was racing.

He was admitted to a group home so I only ended up meeting with him twice but this kid terrified me.”

6. “I don’t do therapy anymore.”

“I had recently graduated and was working with kids with an array of developmental disabilities.

There was one kid who was about 13, and he was a pretty big kid for his age. After a few sessions, it seemed like it wasn’t too bad. Common behaviors while more frequent, were no different than any other kid with a similar diagnosis. That was until I had to wear my knee brace one day.

I have a bad knee, and sometimes a brace helps. The next session after, he kicked my bad knee and then tried to choke me. If he tried escaping or aggressing, he always remembered to go for my knee. We continued therapy for a few months, until I had to leave for health (knee) reasons.

Apparently I handled it well and the company I was with continued to pair me with known aggressive kiddos. I had to go the doctor for an unrelated reason, and I had so many cuts and bruises the nurse asked if my husband attacked me.

I don’t do therapy anymore.”

7. Wow…

“When I worked with family court there was this super smart, super troubled kid who was in hot water for beating up a random guy on the street with a baseball bat.

Open and shut, surveillance camera caught everything. Apparently he didn’t know his victim, just a random act.

Anyways, he was being tried as an adult (he REALLY beat this dude up) and was being held in adult jail pre-trial. He was assigned a therapist and had a few sessions per week.

Long story short, one session the kid gets mad, grabs the chair he was sitting on, and beats his therapist within an inch of his life. I think the poor guy was on a ventilator for like a week.

Yeah, kid had some issues…”

8. Not worth it for you.

“My 1st job as a therapist in community mental health we had no “close time” & were expected to accommodate any & all late session requests from clients with no security, it was insane.

We had an incident occur with a coworker-her client exposed himself during session. At the next staff meeting we were berated & gas lit about safety “you should park closer” yet we would also get in trouble for parking closer & told those spots were for clients.

Needless to say I only stayed there about 7 months, daily crying & intense anxiety weren’t working out for me.”

9. Close call.

“I got this patient who witnessed his mom get stabbed by his father.

After that happened he only started talking about gore and threatening people. I worked with him for a month and he started getting way better. I started to get comfortable in front of him and so did he.

Then one day he comes into my office, he comes up to me and from his back he pulls out a knife. I barely have time to dodge the knife. The guard runs in to the office and grabs the kid.

He got sent to juvie and I quit after a week.”

10. She only get a year?!

“She told me she’d kill me for trying to shrink her and pulled out a knife and sat there looked her in the eyes trying to assert dominance I got out of that situation with a hole in my hand

She got 1 year in prison with a possibility of parole.

I quit my job 2 months later, my boss understood.”

11. Having an episode.

“My first ever client was having a psychotic episode, was homeless and had all of her belongings with her (a backpack filled with items and a duffle)

She proceeded to pull out a pair of kiddie scissors and cut off all of her dreadlocks and lay them on the table in front of me while talking about needing to get rid of the voices she was hearing.

This was all before I got her to even sign the paperwork she and I talked enough to get the formalities finished and she decided to take to locks and put them in her bag like nothing abnormal was happening. I was just glad the scissors went away too .

After that intake, she fell off the face of the earth. Never heard from her again. I was fully prepared to ask her to hand over the sharps and put them somewhere out of reach until she was ready to leave but I didn’t have to.”

12. Good thing Tom was there…

“Before I was a therapist, I worked for a brief time at a residential facility for youth with severe neurodevelopmental disabilities (eg, autism, intellectual disability) and behavioral problems.

All of our youth had a history of violence, most had experienced trauma, and 2/3 were in state custody. Also, this was a for-profit institution that was horribly managed and woefully understaffed.

I was on the older boys’ wing trying to get my group ready to transition to the next activity. Now, one of the boys in my group, let’s call him Jay, was pretty high functioning but had significant attachment issues. When new staff (like myself) would come in, he would quickly develop a favorite (unsurprisingly, it tended to be one of the few who would actually treat the residents as fellow humans worthy of respect).

Jay was funny and likeable and would generally do what you asked, with only a lil bit of sass, which honestly just added to his charming rapscallion persona. However, he’d gradually start to push boundaries, INSISTING that he be in that staff’s group (groups changed each shift for this exact reason), constantly demanding attention, acting out to try to get a reaction (one time he told me I would never get a boyfriend because I had a mustache ), etc.

If he didn’t get his way, he’d get incredibly angry and upset. And then the next time you saw him, he’d be sweet as pie. Oh, and he’d also stabbed a previous “favorite” staff member in the face with a pencil…

So anyway, I’m trying to get my group ready to go, and Jay has been continuously saying my name for like 5 minutes. In order to reinforce boundaries and NOT reinforce his tantrums, I told him that I would be happy to talk when we were all ready to go and then started ignoring him.

I go into the room of a resident with more significant needs (eg, largely nonverbal, intellectually disabled), to get his shoes on, and I close the bedroom door so Jay’s yelling would be less upsetting to the resident. All of a sudden, Jay LAUNCHES himself at the door.

He’s spitting mad and he’s trying to get into the room with me. I don’t know what he had planned, but I knew it wasn’t a calm heart-to-heart conversation. So I put my whole weight on the door, fighting to keep it closed. Unfortunately, at 15, Jay is much bigger than larger than I am (which isn’t saying much as I’m 5’0″), and none of the doors have locks on them. It is not going my way.

He’s able to get the door open a crack, and I can see he’s smiling, like this has turned into a game to him. But he’s not less threatening or any more in control of his rage. I am freaking out and yelling for backup, but I can’t reach my walkie without letting go of the door.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Jay gets full-body tackled and hits the ground with a thud. I take advantage of the opportunity to SLAM the door closed and send out a frantic emergency call on the walkie.

When I finally walk shaking out of the room, I see Jay, still spitting mad, is being physically restrained by staff members and sporting a brand new bloody lip. To my surprise, staff members are restraining another resident, Tom, who is sitting their calmly just waiting to be released.

Apparently, Tom had a history of witnessing domestic violence, and seeing someone try to hurt women was a huge trigger for him. So he had sprinted from his room, tackled Jay, and put him in a hold. (Tom’s parents thought that karate would help their oppositional, angry son more than therapy, so he knew what he was doing.)

Tom had to face the standard consequences for violence (eg, physical restraint until no longer a threat, loss of privileges for that day), but I made sure to thank him. I really don’t know what would’ve happened if Tom hadn’t intervened…”

13. 6’6”, 250 lbs

“I was a therapist for several years. I worked with a variety of patients of ages and diagnoses.

I worked in the community with violent offenders and s*x offenders. I worked with adolescents after suicide or homicide attempts. I worked with developmentally and intellectually disabled adults in rehab. I’ve seen quite the gamut. I had been in plenty of scary situations, but most of the time knew the patient themselves were never a concern.

The only time I was scared was when I had a couple come into my outpatient practice, my last of the day. The man was very large, about 6’6”, 250 lbs. They were having relationship troubles and it became evident he was abusive in about 5 minutes.

He was talking over her, interrupting her, and told her to shut up in a raised voice right in front of me. At one point he slammed the table and that knocked off a trinket. I think we had probably half of the session done at that point, but I ended things because I was scared. I saw the woman individually after that and worked to get her to a better situation.

I looked online after and he had several DV charges.”

Are you a therapist?

Have you ever had a patient that actually scared you?

If so, please talk to us in the comments. Thanks.

The post Therapists Talk About Patients That Genuinely Scared Them appeared first on UberFacts.

September 23, 2020

13 Petty Reasons Why Marriage Counselors Have Seen New Clients

If you have ever been married, you know that the littlest things, over time, can fester into much bigger problems. It’s also true that it’s easy enough to lose perspective when you’re inside a world of your own making for quite some time.

Those are both reasons that people seek out therapists, but listen….these 13 reasons for making appointments are still seriously petty.

13. Some things you can’t forget.

My mum still talks about the Christmas where my dad didn’t help her peel and prepare a bag of sprouts.

They were divorced and he’s dead and it still comes up from time to time.

12. How is this a thing people care about?

My ex-coworker once told me about an argument he and his girlfriend regularly have. Apparently, when you make a sandwich, some people care about whether the bread remains facing the same way it did in the original loaf or if one piece gets turned around relative to the other.

I don’t just mean top of the loaf remains facing the same way, I mean the cut sides of the slices remain facing the slice they were originally cut from. I told my fiance about this ridiculousness and he said “no, I see her point” and now I have to regularly have conservations about which way bread is facing.

11. To be fair, this might mean he’s a pod person.

There was a couple who fought because the husband stopped liking cheese for some reason

10. Why never bring it up?

My ex wife suggested we go to marriage counseling because she felt we needed to work on communication. I was slightly confused since we never really fought about anything and I didn’t know that much was amiss.

So I went with her and we had several sessions and it basically turned into just parenting classes since we didn’t seem to have any issues to work on.

Then one day she tells me she’s bi and is going to go sleep with a married couple she’s been friends with for a week because that’s the only thing that’s going to make her happy.

Would have been nice to know in marriage counseling that that was the real issue she was wanting to work on since I had no idea she was struggling with her sexuality. Guess there really was a communication issue.

9. “But not usually.”

There is no “stupid” reason to seek out counseling. What may seem trivial to one person can completely consume another person. What may seem insignificant to you might just be the last straw for a client. It’s our job to figure out why that “stupid” reason caused them to land in your care.

Sometimes it’s a lot of minor things that built up because they don’t have any good coping mechanisms. Sometimes it’s a major problem that they don’t want to talk about, so they start small. Sometimes it’s something they don’t even realise is a problem, but is causing them distress regardless.

There’s a lot of reasons why clients might present you with something that seems completely insignificant, but the fact is, they are in front of you, paying you money, so that you can help them improve their mental health. 99% of the time, that means that they believe getting help is worth their time and money.

He then proceeded to tell us a story about a woman who believed that Ashton Kutcher was her baby’s daddy, and she wanted a psychiatric professional to verify her mental health so she could file for child support and reconnect with him. As far as he could tell, she had never met Ashton Kutcher, or even seen him in person. So like. Sometimes people are crazy. But not usually.

8. Dodged a bullet there.

Because naps.

On weekends, I take a nap in the afternoon. Boyfriend was not ok with that and insisted I stop.

I’ll never forget the surreal feeling of his roommates watching me leave his house while he yelled at me.

7. That is a legit reason for counseling. And also divorce.

Vaccinate their child.

Dad say Go, mom says no.

6. Wow. Cold.

Nothing is really stupid in making the decision to come in for a couples session.

But the most startling session I’ve had was when the couple had barely sat down and one of them informed the other that the relationship was over, turned to me and said “thank you for supporting (partner) through this” and left the office.

5. Sh%t happens.

Not me but my buddy’s wife demanded counseling after he refused to “fix” his habit of leaving the seat up.

Apparently the straw that broke the camel’s back was he didn’t realize his poo ‘came back up’ and she fell into the toilet on his old, waterlogged shit.

4. That is definitely bizarre.

I had a woman come in for couples counseling. Over the phone she reported that her boyfriend (with the same last name- very confusing) was distant and was refusing to listening. When the session started it was just her that showed up. She went on and on about how absent he was and how he refused to see the progress she had been making in her life.

It turns out the “boyfriend” was an ex who had a restraining order against her and lived halfway across the country from her. She was delusional and was receiving treatment for her mental health issues. She just could not get her thinking away from him and legally changed her last name to his because it would mean they would be together.

She figured couples counseling was the way to work our their relationship issues.

3. It’s never about the spoon.

Not a counselor. But me and my ex had the biggest fight known later as the “spoon incident”.

We were both working over 60 hours a week and we’re stressed. Nonetheless we had one night off together so I made sure that I had cleaned the house and everything before she came home. She came back while I was unpacking the dishwasher and put the last cutlery in the drawers.

When I finally put a spoon in the drawer she said “that’s not where it’s supposed to go”. I asked her whether this is the way you want to treat me after I’ve cleaned the house and stuff? Never been so pissed at a GF, while it was actually fairly meaningless.

2. That poor therapist.

My ex made an appt for us when he got his side girl pregnant.

I was 26 and in grad school, lonely, stressed, and horribly gaslit, and went along.

At the time the therapist would say “if he hasn’t changed by now he’s not going to…..usually I’m trying to keep people together but I’m not sure I can now” and I would get mad.

Now I look back and things come on girl, run

1. Toxic masculinity comes from women, too.

I had a guy friend whose now ex-wife dragged him to couples counseling because he was “too nurturing” and she wanted him to be “more of a real man”. She actually complained about how when her female friends sat around complaining about their husbands, she couldn’t join in, cuz my friend wasn’t an emotionally stunted man-child.

Halfway through their first session, he told her he wanted a divorce and walked out, lol. That was right after she’d been telling the therapist about how she’d known he wasn’t an archetypal “man’s man” when they got together, but that she’d always thought she could change him into “a real man”. CHRIST, she was insufferable.

He’s now with an absolute Amazon of a woman, whom we all adore. They couldn’t possibly be more perfect for one another

I recommend marriage counseling to literally every couple, because if you feel like you want to go, it can’t hurt – no matter your gripe.

Why did you first make that appointment? Tell us in the comments!

The post 13 Petty Reasons Why Marriage Counselors Have Seen New Clients appeared first on UberFacts.

September 1, 2020

Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner in Front of Your Kids

It’s good for children to hear their parents debate, split up chores, make compromises, and even argue, as long as it’s done with respect and apologies are also made public later on.

That said, a stable home and a solid partnership between parents is important to children’s development and emotional well-being, so here are 5 things you should never, ever say unless you’re in private.

5. My body is ____.

Image Credit: Pexels

Even if you feel uncomfortable or have gained a few pounds, making comments about your weight can have a negative effect on your child’s self-image.

Don’t talk about being “fat” or “skinny,” but it’s ok to say things about making healthy and good choices most of the time.

Your kids are always watching and listening, and they will internalize the messages you post about yourself.

4. You’re too sensitive.

Image Credit: Pexels

We’re never allowed to tell other people how they can feel.

Saying something like this invalidates the other person’s feelings and tells them they’re wrong to feel upset.

3. You never do anything around here.

Image Credit: Pexels

Work-life balance, and the unpaid labor we all have to do at home, is a sensitive topic.

In front of your kids, though, you should always strive to acknowledge how each partner contributes in different ways – even if the same person always makes dinner or takes out the trash.

2. I don’t care.

Image Credit: Pexels

If your partner is asking for your opinion, there are better and more polite ways to say you’re indifferent rather than saying “I don’t care.”

Try to give at least a little feedback.

1. Look what you did.

Image Credit: Pexels

This phrase makes the mistake into a big deal, which is rude and disheartening to the person who made it. Instead, you can try focusing on a) how the mistake can be fixed, and b) what we can learn from it for the future.

I’d like to think most of us didn’t need to be told, but you never know!

How careful are you about keeping things behind close doors? Tell us how you handle marital conflict in the comments!

The post Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner in Front of Your Kids appeared first on UberFacts.

August 7, 2020

Great Facts That We Think Will Impress You

It can be hard to sort through the endless information out there on social media and the Internet.

Where’s the good stuff? The interesting stuff? Heck, where’s the REAL stuff?

It saved their lives.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

Now we want to hear from you!

Have you seen anything online lately that has really impressed you?

Facts? Stories? Charts? Great photos?

Please share them with us in the comments. We’d love to hear from you!

The post Great Facts That We Think Will Impress You appeared first on UberFacts.

August 7, 2020

10 Interesting Facts for You to Enjoy Today

We all need a break…a FACT break, that is!

They’re still kind of worshipped, aren’t they?

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

How about you?

Have you seen any facts or interesting stories lately that have really caught your eye?

Share them with us in the comments.

Please and thank you!

The post 10 Interesting Facts for You to Enjoy Today appeared first on UberFacts.

August 7, 2020

Fascinating Facts That’ll Make You Think

Ready to put your thinking cap on?

I know I sure am!

That sounds like a very loud cat!

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

Now we want to hear from you.

Have you seen any really interesting facts or articles lately?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

Thanks in advance!

The post Fascinating Facts That’ll Make You Think appeared first on UberFacts.

August 3, 2020

People Share the Best and Worst Advice They Got From Therapists

Therapists are paid to give us advice and help us out.

Hopefully, that advice is good and it improves our lives, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

Hey, they’re only human, too, so I guess sometimes they just get sidetracked and dish out bad advice on occasion, as well.

Want to hear some good AND bad advice that people received from their therapists?

Here’s what AskReddit users had to say.

1. That’s reassuring.

“My psychologist told me as a 16 year old that I will never recover and that I should prepare for a struggling life.”

2. Good enough.

“I was in hospital after having had a suspected miscarriage of a very much wanted child. The hospital knew about my mental health history so they wouldn’t release me without having spoken to a psychiatrist.

It was Sunday morning so the dude wasn’t on site, so I’m lying in a hospital bed and they bring in a phone and the psych is on the other end. I say hello and he says “so I’ve heard you had a miscarriage”.

Me – “well that’s what they think, it’s not certain yet but…”

Psych – “So are you going to kill yourself if we send you home?”

I was like, what the fuck? No empathy or “how are you feeling about this” or “do you have loved ones at home”. Just, like, let us know if you’re killing yourself or not.

I said “I’m not sure. Probably not”.

Apparently that was good enough and they sent me home an hour later.”

3. That’ll fix it!

“I had a religious therapist once tell me I just needed more water to solve my depression.

She concluded this by having me hold out my arms and she tested the strength of each one by pushing down on it and I had to resist against it.

Looking back I should have told her it was BS but I was so caught off guard i was just like, well ok I’ll have some more water.”

4. A pivotal moment.

“I had a psychologist that I was only occasionally seeing at the start of my mental health decline (not his doing, but the help I needed then was more then the once a week meetings could fix).

He had such patience with me and my fear of never getting “over” my anxiety and depression.

He looked at me on our 3rd session and told me straightforward “what if you don’t get better? What if you have this all your life? Why not try to work with it and learn to manage rather than fight it?”

And that really was a pivotal moment on self acceptance for what was going on with me, that this isn’t going to go away like I want it too.

It caught me by surprise, because I was so angry at myself for being depressed, I didn’t think to just accept it.

I’ve been through different programs, doctors and hospitals since, but his words really stuck with me.”

5. Can’t help you.

“”There’s nothing I can do for you. Your problems are untreatable.”

I was 11. The honesty is now appreciated, but at the time it was so traumatic that I repressed the memory of hearing that and acted out so horribly that Toronto health care people have seen me as The Enemy ever since then.”

6. Great…

“I had a Psychologist lean in sort of conspiratorially and ask if I was a spiritual person.

I replied yes and she proceeded to tell me that upon hearing the traumas I’d been through she wanted me to know that I was probably from a cursed bloodline and that I could talk to people from her church about it if I wanted to find out more about it.”

7. Don’t cry.

“I went to a psychologist for a little while for my anxiety and it was clear he wasn’t right for me (much, much older than I was, never let me speak, always changed topics, etc) so I was planning on finding a different person to talk to.

But the kicker was went I was talking about my mother and started crying. To preface, he was big on rationality and staying rational (which is an understandable thing if you’re trying to help with anxiety but he did it in all the wrong ways).

I started crying, and this grown ass man looked at me and said something I will never forget with utmost seriousness.

“Don’t cry. Crying is an irrational response.”

Went through the rest of the session feeling like shit and never went back.”

8. You’re right!

“I had explained to my psychologist how I felt really bad about not wanting to go out on another date with this guy. Felt really bad, guilty, everything.

He looked at me and said ” Well why dont you fucking marry him?”. I just sat open eyed and then laughed, and said “wow, your right…” and never thought about that again. So now, whenever i feel bad about something inconsequential or little I think back to his words haha.

My psychologist was amazing though and I always valued his bluntness as that was usually the best way to get through to me.”

9. Family counseling.

“My mom got family counseling with me (her son) and her and after she had her ten minutes alone with the counselor she called me in for my ten and she told me something I’ll never forget “ya just go live with your dad”(parents were divorced) and so I did and I haven’t had a problem since.”

10. You can leave.

“I was depressed as all hell my first semester of college, and told my therapist about wanting to injure myself or half-ass a suicide attempt so people would take me seriously when I told them I was caving under pressure.

Described the all-nighters, 70+ hours of studio work, cutthroat competition, pressure to perform, vindictive professors. Lamented that this was “the thing to do” after high school and I had to stay on track.

She told me I could leave.

That had never occurred to me. I packed some essentials and drove home that night. I checked into a mental health facility just past midnight.”

11. A wakeup call.

“I had an eating disorder that I lied to myself about and considered just ‘disordered eating’.

Anyway, the self delusion ran deep. I also believed my therapist was an eating disorder specialist. When I moved from the city I was living in, to the city I’m in now, we were wrapping up our final session and when I asked what she used as my diagnostic code, she told me she was treating me for an eating disorder.

I was shocked; but I said I knew she was an eating disorder specialist. She then told me she’s not, she’s a drug and family therapist. Long story short, i was totally deluded and had my entirely own narrative.”

12. Not cool.

“I had a therapist call me an underachiever.

As he sat and talked about all the great things his son of the same age had done. Which was not really much of anything. What a Dick, that shit sticks with you.

I need freaking therapy for going in talking to a therapist.”

13. No longer blind.

“I was 27 before it was brought to my attention that I have debilitating self loathing and I dont like myself.

Legit, I was totally blind to it.”

14. The last straw.

“A psychologist I visited briefly (to treat anxiety and depression) began telling me really personal details about other clients and their sessions.

And not vague stuff, more like “he was hearing voices and the voices said they wanted him to kill me [psychologist] and that was extra scary because he is the owner of [local NFL team]!! Isn’t that scary??” Or “she was addicted to cocaine and cheating on her husband, who is the owner of [local mall chain].”

I grew increasingly uncomfortable with these personal anecdotes, and they began to take up larger and larger chunks of our sessions. By the end there, I would have to interrupt her to redirect her back to MY issues. I was paying her to help me address them, after all.

The last straw was when she left the office for over 15 minutes to go eat lunch, then charged me for a full session.

I confronted her, saying I didn’t want to hear these private and confidential stories anymore, and that I would prefer to stay focused on my issues during our sessions, as I was hoping she could teach me how to work through them (crazy, right?)

She immediately raised her voice at me and tried to tell me I was imagining the whole thing and having some sort of delusion (an issue I’ve never been diagnosed with or struggled with).

Then she backpedaled and tried to say that all those stories had been from HER imagination, meant to benefit me. I pointed out the contradiction and expressed that I didn’t want to spend large chunks of our sessions talking about people in her personal life, imaginary or otherwise.

That’s when she cracked up and told me that I wasn’t “worthy” of someone with her talents, and could never hope to achieve mental health.

I walked out and haven’t been back to therapy since. Got into a supportive community, and they helped me heal, WITHOUT gaslighting me or breaking confidentiality.”

15. Surreal.

“I tried to see a therapist for some light-to-moderate incest-based trauma, and chose the wrongest shrink.

I didn’t exactly do my research: I picked the closest therapist to my office, that my insurance covered; it was billed as generic family therapy – “Perfect, I thought!” And booked an appointment for immediately after work.

When I walked up to the front door, I noticed that it said “Christian Marriage and Family Therapy”. I was immediately uncomfortable, but I was trying to be more open-minded towards those with a religious bent, and figured that as long as they could do their job; their religion was no concern of mine!

I explained to the gent, manning the desk that I wanted to talk about some mildly disturbing experiences, and I wasn’t religious, or even aware that I had booked an appointment at a religious clinic. He was very kind and explained that he helped all sorts of people, and had heard it all. Then he lead me to the therapy office, which consisted of a very large chair, a tiny rickety footstool, and wall-to-wall racks of tapes. I told him about a traumatic experience that had happened days previously, and his reaction shocked me. My therapist:

cried; he at me through watery eyes and said “I don’t know what to say…”

tried to convince me that I wanted to have kids some day and that only him resolving my trauma would help me be the best mother I could be. I still don’t want kids, so that was confusing

Expressed a relentless interest in trying past-life regression and/or hypnotherapy. I point-blank asked him: “wasn’t that proven to be ineffective in the 70’s?” And he assured me that he had been a part of a lot experiments and tests in the 70’s; and this was the real deal!

the last thing he said to me, after I told him I didn’t want to have another appointment, was to rub his hands together and say “Wouldn’t it be great to get into that head of yours; like a steel-trap!”

To date, this was one of the most surreal things that has ever happened to me.”

How about you?

What’s the best or worst thing you’ve ever heard from a therapist?

Talk to us in the comments, please!

The post People Share the Best and Worst Advice They Got From Therapists appeared first on UberFacts.

August 3, 2020

People Talk About the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Advice They’ve Heard From Their Therapists

Even if you don’t think you necessarily need any therapy, you should go at least a couple of times to give it a shot.

You never know what advice could potentially give you a new outlook on life…

But that doesn’t mean it’ll all be good. Not by a longshot. Therapists dish out all kinds of advice and it runs the spectrum from great to awful.

Let’s dig into these answers from AskReddit users.

1. Are you awake yet?

“When I was in first or second grade, the school counselor fell asleep when I was describing a bullying situation that I was in.

I was so young that I didn’t know how to respond, so I just sat there in his office until he woke up.”

2. That was helpful!

“Was talking to my school counselor about some mental health issues and told him that I like playing card games to take my mind off of it.

The man literally opens his cabinet and pulls out a briefcase full of Yugioh cards (I’m a massive nerd) and says “Sooooooo….. wanna play” ?

Don’t get me wrong but this guy had a lumberjack beard, was fit and looked more like a athlete than a counselor so I was shocked. Got over my problems and played every Wednesday against him!”

3. Can we talk about me?

“I paid and sat through an entire session of therapy during which my therapist ranted as to how great of a career he could have had as a stand up comedian and how much he regrets his current profession.

I kinda agreed with him near the end.”

4. Got it all figured out.

“I had a therapist tell me when I was a teenager that she didn’t know what else to do to help me because it seemed like I already understood everything pretty well.

This was after my overbearing and crazy helicopter mom dragged me in for being depressed. Then she switched to therapy-ing my mom and my mom quickly was in tears because she has the emotional strength of a child and wanted it to be about me when it was actually all about her.

I knew exactly why I was depressed. I was stuck by myself in the middle of nowhere with her crazy ass. No personal space, no ability to get away, not being able to say no, her getting jealous of my friends when I spent time with them. It would make anyone depressed.

She didn’t even let me sit with the therapist by myself.”

5. Go to the ER!

“My therapist once abruptly ended our session after telling me I needed to go to the ER.

I had been in a car accident the day before and had an undiagnosed concussion that was pretty bad. I was so out of it I didn’t even realize I was out of it.

He later told me I was talking about inappropriate topics (I was so embarrassed I didn’t ask what I specifically talked about–i didn’t want to know at that point) and wasn’t making much sense.

I’m just glad he recognized I was off that day and helped me get to the hospital.”

6. Uhhhhh, weird.

“First time I saw a counselor, he was looking over my paperwork and said he could tell from my handwriting the I was good in bed. I kid you not.

I was so caught off guard all I could say was “uh, I think I am.”

So young and not assertive at all. Found out he got in trouble for an inappropriate relationship with a client.

But it really screwed me up for a bit him saying that because I have problems setting boundaries with men.”

7. Good advice.

“She said, “You don’t HAVE to forgive someone, especially when they were so cruel and are not sorry.”

Shocked the hell out of me as every therapist before that tried to get me to forgive, but I can’t.

I live with it and I don’t think forgiving them would bring me any kind of peace.”

8. End on a high note.

“My therapist and I would end every appointment with a discussion of the latest Game of Thrones while it was airing, a great way to end things.

Even the shitty end of the show got plenty of lighthearted ribbing. It was great bc it wasn’t too personal and after talking about sex abuse for an hour I could leave without being such a sad sack.”

9. Sibling rivalry.

“I was in my second ever session, which coincidentally was right after my nans funeral.

I was talking about some stuff that had happened with my sister (who I had already said was probably my biggest issue) and he asked ‘why is this person in your life?

Why do you want to continue a relationship that hurts you so much? Do you actually want this relationship?’

I was floored. It had never occurred to me that my sister didn’t get a place in my life by default because family. I cant tell you how much this improved my life.”

10. PTSD.

“I’ll never forget my first day of therapy.

My therapist asked me if I had ever been abused as a child. I replied, “No, I had a normal childhood. I had everything I needed- food, shelter… I mean, my mother slapped me and would tell me to kill myself, and my dad would drag me by the hair everywhere and pull my hair out… but no, nothing abusive or anything.”

There was at least 30 seconds of dead air between us as I watched her blink while trying to figure out how to respond to what I said.

Eventually she put down her file, crossed her legs and said, “My dear, that IS abuse.” My world came crashing down all around me at that moment.

For so many years I had buried my feelings about what they’d done so deeply that I’d managed to convince myself that what they’d done wasn’t wrong.

Less than a year later I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder from the trauma, and I cut off all communication with my parents.”

11. Me, too!

“My most recent therapist experience lasted for 2 sessions only. Both times, every time I’d discuss an issue i was having, my therapist would say, “OMG me too!”

Like, I’m here for you help me. If you’re just gonna say that I can have this conversation on my own.

The last session the therapist said, “if we met outside of this scenario we’d be really good friends.”

That was it for me.”

12. True, but…

“During my first and only session with a particularly memorable child psychologist, he referred to me as a “miserable bitch”.

It was true, but he didn’t have to call me out like that.”

13. A good tip.

“Had a therapist tell me to make a fuck budget. Hear me out lol!

He said you only have so many fucks to give before you blow, so just like with money you need to budget it out, start with things you have to give a fuck about, kids, work, health and then cross the things you dislike giving a fuck about, like people’s opinion of what you wear, off the list and don’t give a fuck about that shit!

This was an older gentleman who was cool but for the most part very well spoken and didn’t cuss. Hearing him say I needed to stop spreading my fucks so far made me die of laughter and immediately feel better.

To this day I still have a fuck budget that I do every month religiously and it has taken so much stress off my shoulders.”

14. Gee, thanks a lot.

“When I was in high school I was hospitalized for being suicidal.

My doctor there told me some really brilliant advice that totally cleared things up for me, basically just fixing me on the spot:

“You just have to be a normal boy”.

Lol.”

15. You’re too happy!

“I had been suicidal every day for over a year.

When I was 14/15 I started seeing my first therapist. After a few sessions she told me I was “too happy” to be in therapy and kicked me out. And it messed me up a lot lol.”

16. This is bad.

“Went to a psychologist when I was probably 13, I had depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder and they often manifested in bad panic attacks and anger.

After seeing him a few times and telling him everything, he brought my parents into the room and proceeded to tell them that I was fine, I was just angry at my parents and seeking attention. I tried protesting and explaining myself but he refused to listen and tried arguing with me.

Needless to say, I never went back there and my parents took me to a new psychologist. It definitely fucked me up a lot, and even thinking about it makes me angry.”

Have you ever had a particularly interesting session with a therapist?

If so, please tell us all about it in the comments.

Thanks in advance!

The post People Talk About the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Advice They’ve Heard From Their Therapists appeared first on UberFacts.