Category: psychology

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Read About When Therapists Were the Opposite of Helpful or Kind

We all realize by now that while the majority of people in the world try their best to be kind and to do the right thing, there are bad apples out there – and they fall off the tree and land in all sorts of professions.

Even ones, it turns out, that are normally populated by people who go the extra mile to serve those who need it the most.

These 12 people signed up for mental healthcare because they needed help and a kind, understanding ear – and they got total jerks who should have their licenses revoked, honestly.

12. So much cringe.

Had to go to the hospital because I had cut myself about 4 years ago, I sat in the room where there are multiple different people and cases going on so there wasn’t any walls in between patients. And what does the head nurse do?

“We got a cutter! We got a cutter!” To the whole damn room, you could see how uncomfortable the other nurses were and even some police men looking after someone else looked upset she decided to yell it to everyone. Made me feel like complete garbage on top of how I already felt at the time.

11. Not the best parenting.

tl;dr: cheap parents ‘hired’ a therapist they knew would give them info, i got suspicious and confirmation after i told a ridiculous lie and my parents sat me down to talk about it when i had never told them anything. since it was a lie. it took YEARS to trust any adult after that. (of which i still struggle with as a 34 yo)

in high school i was pretty difficult because of some real intense shit happening in my life. i wasnt on drugs or violent or flunking out. HOWEVER, i had a super rough family home life as well as some sexual assault stuff and i withdrew because of it. my parents were very “sunday christian” meaning while at church theyre the best christians but the teachings did NOT make it home. (they still dont understand why only 1 of their 6 kids talk to them etc etc kinda thing).

anyway they gave us NO Privacy ever, always in our phones, our bags, our rooms, just in every aspect of our life if it offered them control and i knew it would be no different when they “found me a counselor and you know her”. guys, they sent me to therapy with the PASTOR’S WIFE. it became super clear she was telling them things immediately but i held out hope until i couldn’t anymore, because i didnt have proof really.

i ended up telling her i got in a fender bender but there was no damage so it was all good. well, she told my parents right when i left i guess because when i showed up home my dad demanded to see my bumpers.

they wont admit what happened to this day, but they never made me go again. so there’s that, at least. also i guess this turned out mostly about my parents but fuck them and that ‘counselor’ too.

10. I have secondhand anger.

I was having panic attacks daily and the med he gave me made my anxiety worse. Turned out I just have bad reactions to SSRIs and that was all he kept trying like a moron.

Anyway I’m in his office and he seems to be taking it personally that all the SSRIs he has put me on are giving me seriously bad side effects.

“Have you just given up then?” the f*cker asks. “Do you just want to be like this the rest of your life?”

Obviously f*cking not that is why I’m in this office trying new medications. I was so angry and yet also having a panic attack at the same time. I ended up just walking out and finding a new psychiatrist later.

9. Yikes.

That there was no point in continuing therapy because I was ‘emotionally devoid’ and was wasting her time.

It was a licensed therapist that I was referred to by my doctor after an emotional breakdown (ironic much?).

Her comment came on our third appointment, we had never ‘clicked’ and she had made judgemental comments about my parenting choices in the first session so there wasn’t any trust there.

I’ve since found a new therapist who was amazing and now, five years on I have left a toxic marriage, dropped two of the three meds I was taking and am loving a genuinely happy life. While her comment initially stalled me and left me feeling that there was no hope, I’m now genuinely happy and loving life

I’m also halfway through studies to be a counsellor myself.

8. How about neither?

“You need to find religion and also buy this self help book series that I wrote.”

7. Just drink like everyone else.

I use my creativity with art and craft as both a coping skill and as something that gives me extra purpose in life.

A psychologist told me that doing so is maladaptive.

I didn’t go back.

6. That’s not a joke.

For this it’s important to know that I live in Germany.

I saw a psychologist once who treats and diagnoses adults with Asperger’s. I was there for my second diagnostic interview, and my mother was with me to be interviewed as well. She told the doctor about my sensory issues, especially with noise, because I would occasionally scream and punch walls and throw stuff around if I was too overloaded with a sound. The psychologist just said something along the lines of “Well, 100 years ago people like this would have been treated rather differently around here, eh?” and laughed in our faces.

Even if he wasn’t talking about the National Socialist euthanasia, which took place not quite 100 years ago, I still felt incredibly disgusted and angry. The entire interview with him was a disaster, but this was clearly the worst thing he did.

5. Not her problem.

Ok, this is actually my mums story but it’s relevant. 1980’s in the UK. My mum is pregnant with me and my dad is, well, not a good person. My dad called my mum when she was out asking her to come home. Mum thought he sounded odd so asked a friend to come with her.

Daddy dearest is drunk which has brought out all of his angry, violent tendencies and he fires a gun that god knows where he got it at my mum. Missed, thankfully. Police are called, a standoff happens and it’s hours before he’s finally taken down.

The psychiatrist who treats him after tells my mum who was bracing herself for a good old fashioned divorce not to leave him as he wouldn’t cope.

F*ck. That. Noise.

Unfortunately, they did succeed in guilting mum into staying but she got out a few years later and gave me the best childhood. She passed a few years ago now but damn she was awesome.

4. Lucky you?

Had a therapist tell me that my soul, long before I was born, chose my parents and subsequent childhood abuse so that I could learn from it.

By this logic, of course, the abused person is always in control and the abuser is helpless.

Argue with that logic.

Needless to say I never saw her again.

3. To. A. Child.

“You’ll never do an important job like doctor, veterinarian, firefighter, lawyer, counselor…You’ll probably end up in a Walmart for your whole life.”

I was 8 years old and still remember how mad my parents were lol.

2. No excuses.

The whole, “trauma makes you stronger, trauma teaches you something, there’s a silver lining to your trauma,” schtick makes my skin crawl. People only say that when:

They’ve never experienced serious trauma or abuse themselves,

They are trying desperately to find a reason or why that doesn’t lay blame on themselves or their abuser. It’s nobody’s fault if it was destined by God, right?

I always tell people (and myself), “Children shouldn’t have to be strong, children shouldn’t have to be resilient, children should just be safe.

Trauma is just trauma, not a f*cking learning experience.”

1. Beyond not ok.

“You’re taking up someone else’s space, and they’re probably dealing with worse” veterans mental health recovery program when I was suicidal and reaching out✌

I’m a F vet in Australia, so negative to those asking if this was through the American VA system. Though, I’m sorry to hear that the resources are just as turbulent overseas.

Veteran mental health is a complicated area, and not every vet went to war, or served overseas. It creates an internal hierarchy in the way we think about ‘who has it worse’ and how we view the way we fit into the structure of Defence.

I hope those of you who had similar experiences were able to find the support that you needed, and if you haven’t yet – please DM me – though may take me a while to respond.

And for the friends and family of vets who have been supporting and suffering with them; what you go through is also valid. You signed up with them and it’s a pain that can be hard for others to understand. That doesn’t mean it matters any more or less.

I would walk right out of these appointments. Or at the very least, refuse to go back.

Has something like this ever happened to you? Share the story with us in the comments!

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These People Heard Truly Appalling Things From Their Therapists

It takes courage to admit to yourself (and your insurance company) that you would benefit from talking to a therapist, and it takes even more courage than that to walk into someone’s office and let them into your life, your mind, and your past.

Which is why is must feel like an incredible violation to have a professional say something indelicate and truly awful during your treatment – and no one should have to hear what these 12 folks heard in what was supposed to be a safe space.

12. Either way, you’re supposed to help.

“‘I think you’re happy being depressed.’

No, just dealing with the comfort in my sadness that comes from chronic, 20-year-old depression.”

—AwesomeAmanda523

11. That’s very rarely the answer.

“I was struggling with intimacy with my partner during a deep-depressive episode that lasted a couple of years. During this episode, I was coming to terms with a previous sexual assault.

The therapist I started seeing told me to ‘just do it’ with my partner, despite my sex-related trauma, and I stopped seeing her right then and there. I started seeing a new therapist who actually helped me, and now my partner and I have never been closer.”

—serenitybmahoney

10. Jealous, much?

“I have childhood PTSD and experience horrible anxiety attacks as an adult. I was wearing a nice sweater in the session, and we were discussing anxiety-attack coping mechanisms.

She very snidely said, ‘You should go shopping when you feel anxious. You clearly like designer things.’ I was floored.”

—Anonymous

9. I don’t think he should be working with children.

“My mom had me go to therapy when I was 12 after my dad passed and I was in the room when it happened. I was a really shy kid and didn’t want to go, let alone open up to a stranger about an ordeal I didn’t even fully understand yet.

After I was not giving him a whole lot in the way of answers, he asked me, ‘Do you even miss your dad?’ Maybe examine your way of talking to a grieving child before blaming said child, asshole.”

—bcgt5922

8. Who would say that to a child?

“I was 10, and TWO different therapists said, ‘You’re the reason for your parents’ divorce.’ They failed to acknowledge my father’s abuse, saying I was the problem…nope.

I told my school about the abuse, and with a push from the Department of Homeland Security, my mom finally left after we were locked out of the house and left homeless. I may have gotten the ball rolling, but I am not the reason they divorced.”

—indyanna

7. Yeah that’s not how this works.

“Multiple therapists told me I was only questioning my gender identity because I ‘didn’t have enough strong female role models.’

I won awards for my contributions to women’s leadership and public service in college. In fact, seeing strong female professors in med school is part of what inspired me to come out as a trans man when I realized I couldn’t see myself as them.”

—Anonymous

6. Why would they want to do that?

“‘Have you tried seeing it from your abuser’s point of view?’ She literally used the word ‘abuser’ because the situation was that clear-cut.

Yes, actually, I’ve spent a long time trying to understand my abuser’s point of view, and had come here to think about my own feelings for a change rather than theirs.

Did not go back to that therapist.”

—GlamorousAnarchist

5. Since when is self-awareness a bad thing?

“I was 15 and I had a problem trusting men (I had extremely negative experiences with different men growing up, including my bio dad, my stepdad, a neighboring teenager, and my best friend’s stepdad). I had just moved, so I was meeting with a new therapist for the first time, and he told me that I was too self-aware of my problems and he wouldn’t be able to help me.

I guess it didn’t matter to him that I had spent the last two years working with my previous therapist to come to the realizations that had led me to be so self-aware of where I was struggling.”

—paulau4fbdfb725

4. At least she’s permanently out of the office.

“A therapist said to me, ‘I don’t think you’re doing badly enough to test you for anxiety.’ I was miserable, constantly stressed, and having complete breakdowns at least twice a week, and she completely invalidated that after talking to me for five minutes.

After I went straight to a doctor to get diagnosed, the therapist pretty much just said, ‘Oops.’ She got fired from the college shortly after because a lot of students had various issues with her.” —Anonymous

3. Not relevant.

“They said, ‘I think you would feel better if you got some of that weight off of you.’

Ummm, I’m here because my cousin raped me when I was a child, but thanks for letting me know that losing weight will solve all of my problems.”

—Anonymous

2. It’s not her job to make him a better father.

And this: “I was in therapy dealing with the fact that my father didn’t really know how to be one and was never there, which caused me to try to be perfect (which, SPOILER ALERT, isn’t healthy).

My therapist told me I needed to try harder and that if I found something my father actually cared about, he’d be a better dad. I explained that I had already emulated as much as I could from his high school years (soccer, choir, etc.), but she insisted I hadn’t done enough.”

—manningl428

1. Well they weren’t before then…

“An awful psychiatrist I was seeing discharged me and said, ‘Well, you’re not sitting in a corner rocking and crying, so you’ll be OK!’

Who says something like that, let alone a psychiatrist? I left crying!”

—lovecats1

I don’t know what I would say, but it wouldn’t be anything nice.

If anything like this has happened to you, share the story with us down in the comments.

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Things That People are Really Sick of Explaining

Life is tough enough without being asked to repeat yourself time and again. Especially when it’s because people can’t mind their own business.

From work, to health, to life, how many times have you found yourself sick and tired of explaining these same 15 things to other people?

Let’s take a look!

1. The truth can be harsh

Just because I said it’s true doesn’t mean I like that it’s true.

2. The law isn’t always right

Legal does not equal moral.

Moral does not equal legal.

3. Silence is golden

Nothing is wrong, I’m just quiet.

4. Invisible disabilities exist

Some health issues are not visible.

Chronic fatigue is real.

5. You can’t choose your family

Why it’s ok to go no contact with toxic family members.

6. Math can be hard

Revenue =/= profit.

7. Reading can be hard too

Read the god damned error messages.

8. People are different

That your anecdotal experience is not fact, u don’t know everyone so save the generalizations for the toilet.

9. Mind your own business

That’s it’s okay to let people live their lives even if you don’t agree with them.

10. My body, my art

That my tattoos don’t have to have a big meaning.

I liked them back then and I like them now.

Only reason I got em was cause I thought they looked cool.

11. Things are what you make of them

You can enjoy a game without winning, and you can win but still not enjoy the game.

12. Wear sunscreen

You can still get a sunburn on a cloudy day or in the winter.

Melanoma sucks.

Trust me.

13. Women aren’t just baby factories

That I, a woman, don’t want children.

People either think you’re lying or you’ll grow out of it.

14. Kindness is key

Why basic empathy for other humans is good.

15. There are consequences

That free speech doesn’t mean there are no consequences for what you say.

It just means that the government can’t dole out those consequences.

Your friends, family, employer, school and the public at large have every right to not want to associate with you.

After reading all of those comments, I can totally understand why people get bothered by having to explain that stuff.

What are some things you’re the most tired of always having to explain to other people?

Tell us in the comments!

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People Talk About the Reasons They Leave Their Engagement Rings at Home

Most of us have been there. Your ring is too loose, too tight, too… something. Or maybe it just doesn’t match your other jewelry.

Here are some of the ten crazy reasons why women choose to leave the bling behind.

1. Sometimes you just forget

But honestly, watch out if you do! You might start to regret it.

Image credit: Whisper

2. All that shine can be a little blinding

But that’s okay, because who doesn’t love shiny?
Just pair your ring with sunglasses, and you’ll be fine.

Image credit: Whisper

3. All dolled up with nowhere to go

Jewelry is like pants. If you’re not going out, who needs ’em?

Image credit: Whisper

4. It’s only a symbol

Isn’t it more evolved to be above all that?
The ring won’t get you through the tough times.

Image credit: Whisper

5. But it’s a symbol of him

In other words, he better be worth it.
Otherwise, it might be a symbol that you should give it back.

Image credit: Whisper

6. Cheap, or just hypersensitive?

But seriously though, if the ring gives you a rash, did it come from a vending machine?
Don’t get mad. Buy better jewelry!

Image credit: Whisper

7. Enough is enough

And two rings is just one too many sometimes.
After all, no one likes a showoff.

Image credit: Whisper

8. It’s not that weird

We all take things off in our sleep. Right?

Image credit: Whisper

9. Maybe she learned the hard way

Comfort is key.
Take it off while you’re awake… so that you don’t take it off when you’re not.

Image credit: Whisper

10. Ladies gotta do what we gotta do

When it’s ugly, and you just can’t tell him… maybe it’s time to “lose” it?

Image credit: Whisper

These are all completely understandable reasons to leave the rock at home.

Personally, I haven’t worn mine since the start of the pandemic. Too much hand-washing for that business.

What about you? Do you still wear your engagement ring? Be sure to share why or why not in the comments.

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Did You Know There’s a Test to Find Out if You Might Be a “Super Recognizer” Of Faces?

Since people’s names and faces seem to flow right in one side of my brain and out the other, I don’t think I’m a “super-recognizer” of faces (or anything else), but according to scientists who study this phenomenon, around 1% of the population can honestly say that they never forget a face.

In 2009, a team of neuroscientists at Harvard did a study on super-recognizers, testing just four people who claimed they could always remember faces of the people they met – and even those of strangers on the street.

Image Credit: Pexels

The four people felt like their abilities were “creepy, and even that there was something wrong with them. One subject confessed that she hid her ability to “pretend that I don’t remember people, because it seems like I stalk them, or that they mean more to me than they do.”

All of the subsequent studies on the topic have included only small numbers of people – everyone they can find who might have this uncanny ability – and though researchers have found a few more, it seems to be extremely rare.

Image Credit: Pexels

This recent study that was published in PLOS ONE that looked at people with excellent memories in general showed that the two are not necessarily related. You don’t have to have a good memory to have faces burn into your brain, and vice versa.

“These findings lend support to the idea that face processing abilities are at least to a certain extent hard-wired.”

Since the 1990s, researchers have assigned the ability to identify a face to a region of the brain known as the fusiform face area (FFA).

Image Credit: PLOS ONE

This is because people who have damage to this area of their brain experience the opposite of what we’re talking about here – they have what’s known as “face blindness,” and can’t retain faces at all.

Image Credit: PLOS ONE

One of the scientists most interested in learning more about this phenomenon now, psychology professor Josh P. Davis out of the University of Greenwich, is hoping to find more people who think they have this ability so that he can study it further.

Image Credit: Greenwich University

If you do very well on this test he developed, he would like to hear from you.

Police in the UK are already thinking that people involved in these studies might be great for identifying murder suspects and the like.

If anything bad ever happens to me, I hope one of them just happens to be around.

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Amazing Recovery Stories About Patients That Therapists Were Sure Wouldn’t Get There

There are upsides and downsides to every job out there.

That said, some have got to just be more emotionally tough than others. Take, for example, being a therapist (especially to children) – you listen to people in the worst states of their lives, and then let them walk out the door at the end of the hour, into the world that has broken them over and over again.

Success stories are probably relative, and maybe not measured exactly in that way, but these 12 therapists had glimpses of moments that must make all the rest of it worth it.

12. That’s one great day.

I worked on an outreach team that helped homeless folks off the streets. Found a guy downtown one day that was a classic schizophrenic. Word salad, things tied around his arms and legs, the whole 9 yards. Spent a few weeks buying him lunch and building a relationship with him.

He eventually let me move him into a hotel room and take him to a doctor. Got a shot from one of our doctors and started doing better. I transferred him to a longer term care team and went on with my life. Years later I was doing a homeless count for the city and boom, there he was standing in front of me. Clean, well spoken, happy.

He introduced me to his cousin. I’ll never forget it. “Damn Robert, this is the guy who helped you get off the street? You saved his life man. My family can’t thank you enough.”

One of the best moments of my life.

11. What keeps you going.

Psychiatrist here:

I used to do sessions at a government run long-term psychiatric hospital. Where I am a patient can only stay in a psych hospital for 3 months max, & if they didn’t get better we had to transfer them to the long-term hospital, So, the people who ended up here already had very poor prognoses to start off with, and to add to that they were all there on an involuntary basis, so co-operation was an ongoing battle. Very few are ever successfully discharged back into the community. There is a gross shortage of resources and the place itself looks pretty bleak, but we did all we could within our limited means.

I have had a few successes with patients here over the years, which you kind of hold on to in order to remind yourself that there’s always hope.

One lady I recall had been admitted via the courts after vandalizing a colleagues car that she believed had been using witchcraft against her. After being admitted and treated at the regular psych hospital, she was diagnosed with treatment resistant schizophrenia, which is probably one of the worst case scenarios in psychiatry.

Once she arrived at the long-term facility, I started treatment with probably the only drug we have for treatment-resistant schizophrenia. This drug is basically our last “big-bomb” for schizophrenia, but is not a pleasant one to have to use with a patient. It has a lot of serious side effects, requires blood to be drawn every week for 18 weeks (& then monthly for the rest of the time you’re on it, which is generally life-long in schizophrenia) and most frustratingly there is no injectable formulation, so patients need to take it willingly everyday which is a real uphill battle for involuntary patients that lack insight (lack of insight being part of schizophrenia as well, so you can imagine how challenging that can get). If they refuse more than 2 days worth of meds, the whole 18week initial phase needs to be restarted from scratch.

This patient was extremely paranoid and very hostile towards treatment in general. Every time I saw her she would get aggressive, argue with everything, and refused the meds on several occasions, necessitating a restart every time. She was one of the most challenging patients I have had to deal with, and honestly I didn’t hold out much hope for her. But, we just kept on trying, worked through every aggressive episode and tried to at least keep things steady enough so that she wouldn’t deteriorate any further.

After two years, things slowly started to change for her. She started taking the meds regularly and we had noted small incremental improvements. Despite this, her prognosis was still poor and I was just hoping to improve her overall level of functioning in any way I could.

Then one day when she walked into my office, she looked like an entirely different person. Her grooming and self care were definitely better – she had done her hair, wore earrings and actually smiled at me… all for the first time since being admitted to the hospital. To say I was thrilled at her progress would be an understatement, I was flabbergasted really.

Having gone back to her almost normal self, she was a pleasant, articulate lady with a wicked sense of humor. After that, we did a lot of work on her insight & helping her make sense of what had happened to her and understanding the medications she would need to take for the rest of her life.

After about 3 years, she was discharged home and resumed her previous occupation of being a high school teacher. Last I heard from her she was till doing well and even became a grandmother. Sadly, I no longer work at that hospital so I have since lost touch with her, but her story stays with me every time I see a “hopeless” case. It’s the starfish analogy for me, and although my job can be emotionally draining & frustrating, every now and again you get to make a life-changing difference for someone, and that keeps me going.

10. That’s all they want to hear.

I had a client who was a Senior at a highschool I was contracted at. I got him the day after he had been released from the ER for a Suicide attempt. He was smart and his plan was well executed, painless to being a diabetic. He had his method of suicide literally on him 24/7. He had second thoughts.

He was a wreck, paranoid, didn’t want to live. Are one point I had to have him involuntarily committed by the police because he could not garuntee me he could keep himself safe and his parents really couldn’t either. I hated to do it. I had no other choice though.

Every week we met. He was intense, angry and paranoid. His parents were Asian immigrants and were woefully under prepared for dealing with and understanding the extent of his mental health issues. We went on a regiment of Cognitive behavioral therapy for 6 months. He went all in, did every price of homework I gave him and utilized it. By the end of the 6 months he graduated and was accepted to NYU and prepping to attend in fall.

The last day we met I asked about his experience in therapy and to reflect on his journey. He ended by saying. ” I’m glad I didn’t kill myself”. Don’t know where he is but I hope he is doing amazing.

9. Sometimes experiments work out for the best.

I work with veterans who have had traumatic brain Injuries a lot of whom additionally have some combination of ptsd anxiety and depression. One of our most recent patients was a graduate student before deciding to enlist in 2011 to fight isis. He came back unable to walk and unable to read and remember things properly as a result of the damage to his brain.

He could no longer focus in classes, and was severely depressed which lead to him not able to finish his PhD. We do an experimental 10 days brain stimulation treatment combined with vision and working memory therapy and after his 10 days the changes were astounding.

He feels motivated again, there was an improvement of almost 100% on every cognitive and executive function task as well as improvements to his vision/reading/focusing ability. He signed up for classes at the community college here and is hopeful he can finish his PhD in geology and get his life back on track. I’ve never seen such a dramatic improvement before and it made all the difference in the direction of his life. Reminds me why I do what I do.

8. They just keep showing up.

I had barely graduated and was working in the public sector as a clinical psychologist. One day a 47 yo woman arrived. The patient was experiencing depression and had told me that in another episode she couldn’t even take a shower.

I was nervous cuz I was so inexperienced and felt a weight on my shoulders thinking: “how Am I gonna help this woman?”. But as the months progressed I saw a big transformation. In the beginning she wouldn’t even look me in the eyes and she had told me that she couldn’t even hug her children (they were young adults). She was my patient for 8 months until I had been approved to work somewhere else with a much bigger salary.

In our last session she was looking at me, dressing up, smiling and when I told her that I wouldn’t be working there anymore, she even gave me a hug. It was quite a challenge, but in the end it all worked well. I no longer work as a clinical psychologist (and don’t intend to return), but this experience transformed not only her, but myself.

I gained confidence to work with other people and was extremely satisfied to see that I could help improving someone else’s life.

7. Sometimes all you do it listen.

I’ve regularly had clients tell me some version of, “Remember that thing you told me about breaking up with them/applying for that job/telling them such and such… Well, I took your advice and it really worked and made such a difference!”, and in my head I’m thinking, “that’s not at all what I said” or “oh, that was just an offhand remark that had nothing to do with what I thought I was trying to do, but good job!”

It has made me realize that change is kind of inevitable (tho not necessarily for the better) and that when people are ready, there’s little that will stop them from moving toward that change; they’ll take what I say or, a song lyric, or a convo with the Lyft driver, or whatever is around them and turn it into the thing they need.

So maybe I’m just more like the catalyst in the sense that I can help start the reaction, but I’m not there in the end result.

6. Some parents are not the best.

I tutored students with learning difficulties and helped them learn to coordinate with their guidance counselors and teachers etc. I was kinda the go between for a lot of these kids whose parents had no idea what to do.

One of my students was one of a few siblings. Parents were totally checked out and self absorbed, entitled, expected others to do everything for them and the state to pay for everything so they don’t have to work because they don’t feel like it. They were convinced his adhd was his fault and he wasn’t sad or anything, just bad at school (because his twin brother had been using the “I’m depressed” statement for years as a reason for him to refuse to go to class or do any homework and instead play video games and hang out with a not so good crowd. his brother was evaluated by mental health professionals over and over who deemed him completely fine just unwilling to work hard because he didn’t want to and expect the state to take care of him like it did his mom and dad…this was a whole other story) But this kid was drowning in himself and I saw it and so did others. I sat his parents down and told them if they didn’t get their shit together and get him some help, he wasn’t going to make it. Period. It was crisis level bad and his brothers issues were being reflected on him as the same thing and thus ignored.

I finally got his guidance counselor involved and laid it all out. This kid needs help, his parents are ignoring it, his other older brother is trying to help but can’t, the twin brothers issues are being used as a reason why “nothings wrong with him, he needs to try harder”, the extended family isn’t close enough to do anything but know there’s a problem (they were calling me at this point), and I can’t watch this kid loose this battle. She was on board the second I informed her and jumped right in to coordinate help.

3 months later I watched him walk across the stage graduating with honors, on track with a good mental health plan, a therapist, and his grandparents directly involved in supporting him.

He’s off to trade school as of last year.

5. You’ve gotta love that.

I am a private practice therapist. I had a long term client I saw for over 2 years who was able to overcome so much (poor support, negative self talk with some suicidal thoughts, trouble regulating emotions, using substances to escape, etc).

She ended up moving away but checks in with me from time to time. Her life has completely changed and is doing so well now.

4. Sometimes it’s a simple answer.

when I was a Patient at the psychiatric ward there was another patient who I still think of sometimes. When she arrived she was so white and apathic. Some days later I met her in the halls of the facilities and she looked way better. So I talked to her to get her story.

She was brought in because she had drunk various cleaning products after 14 days without any sleep. She just wanted to sleep and didn’t know any further – I guess it was kinda like a psychotic episode. When she arrived they pumped everything out of her and fortunately she didn’t had any long term damage.

The doctors found out that she couldn’t sleep because of menopausal issues so she got sleep medication and hormones for menopause. When I talked to her she already had slept two nights in a row and she looked so much better, was smiling and talkative.

She said herself she didn’t know what happened to her. Being without sleep made her into a completely different person. I was so happy that she felt better. Overall she just stayed about a week.

Came to us like a ghost. Left us full of life. It was amazing

3. Most people have a reason.

I’m a therapist inside and outside of the prisons. I’d say at least 1x a month I meet an inmate that was likely a major piece of shit when they committed their crimes

Fast forward 10-20 years of incarceration later, and they are intellectual, hardworking men of integrity. It’s amazing what a little bit of structure can do for someone.

2. It happens to men, too.

I’m a therapist and mine is one of my clients getting out of a ridiculous, controlling relationship. He had difficulty conceptualizing that abusive (emotional and physical) relationships can happen to men and it was so bad that he internalized all those negative feelings.

I’m talking about significant, bat-sh%t controlling too like “send me a snap every 10 min, no even LOOKING at other girls, you aren’t allowed to be outside” type of thing.

Working through all of those issues over years was super satisfying to see his progress and recovery.

1. Tell the truth to yourself, first.

I spent most of my childhood depressed and chronically wanting to throw myself off a cliff. There was abuse and a lot of trauma that doesn’t need to be detailed. But I spent pretty much all of high school suicidal and self-harming. College was slightly better but about the same. I never looked depressed mind you, I was high functioning and I always did well in school, etc.

My parents knew but did nothing. I was also dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia and coming to terms with my sexuality in a strict religious environment that had no room for me. I ended up a lesbian married to an abusive man, with a decades long history of trauma, self-harm, etc.

I started therapy four years ago now. Something my therapist instilled in me from the beginning was this: once you can tell the truth about your life, then you can start to create a better story.

She taught me to identify the terrible things I had endured at the hands of the people who should have protected me. She taught me to bring those truths into the light, see them fully, and grieve the childhood I didn’t have and the way that followed me into adulthood. She helped me identify the ways I was perpetuating toxic cycles as a result of trauma: in my relationships with other people and also in my relationship with myself. She reminded me over and over again, that it was not my responsibility to create safety for myself as a child, but it is my responsibility now to protect the child inside myself. It is my responsibility now, to do better than people did to me. She taught me that I could trust myself to know what I need and what I want and what I deserve. She showed me what my life had been, held my hand and pulled me through all the paralyzing, desperate things I did to cope, and then asked me what I wanted instead, and what I could do to build that. She gave me permission to imagine better and then build better.

So I came out. I named what happened to me and stop trying to keep all the abuse a secret. I left my abusive ex. I quit the job that was killing me. I stopped drinking. I started taking medication. And it was absolutely terrifying. But I knew that I had built a trust in myself and I could trust myself to take care of myself. I believed there was a version of life that could be as good as I wanted it to be. I leapt.

And now I live in a beautiful city with the kindest woman I have ever known, whose love feels like coming home. Whose touch is gentle. Who knows every tiny thing about me. I do work I love. I have the derpiest dog to ever exist. I sleep well, which is a new thing. I say yes when I mean yes, and no when I mean no. I don’t abandon myself anymore.

Things can get better. Not overnight. Not without a fuck ton of pain and nights spent possibly sobbing on your kitchen floor. But it is possible for things to get better. And it’s also possible for things to get worse, and for you to not be alone in that, which is a different sort of better.

I owe my life to my therapist. Truly.

These just make my heart happy, y’all.

If you’re a therapist, what’s a moment that made it worth it to you? Share with us in the comments!

The post Amazing Recovery Stories About Patients That Therapists Were Sure Wouldn’t Get There appeared first on UberFacts.

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Girl Asks if She’s an A-Hole for Resisting Adoption

Family dynamics are strange, especially when you’re a teenager.

But when you’ve lost someone close to you, or you live in a blended family, there really are no clear cut answers in life, as shown in this recent AITA conversation.

AITA for not going along with being adopted to make everyone happy?

I hate to post here because I know there are so many of these but I really need to hear what you all think.

I (16f) lost my mom when I was 7. My sister was 2 at the time and my brother was a a few months old. Our dad met my stepmom about a year later, started dating her six months after they met (it was a thing for single parents). She had two kids who were close in age to my siblings. After they got married things were fine at first and then they wanted to adopt each others kids. Her kids were excited as were my siblings but I did not want to be adopted. This wasn’t made into a huge deal but they really quizzed me on why and tried to figure out if they could change my mind. They weren’t able to and I know this really hurt her feelings. Over the years it was let go. They adopted the other kids and everyone was happy. Or so I thought. It seems like it made them unhappy I said no to the adoption and my siblings have wondered why I didn’t want to be adopted too.

I love my stepmom. I get along with her really well. I think she’s great. But I don’t love her the same as I love my mom or dad. It’s different with her. Not bad just not as close. And that for me was reason enough to not be adopted. But there’s also the fact I don’t want my mom’s name erased from everything. I know they’re not trying to replace her but if I’m adopted her name is no longer the legal name I put down, it doesn’t change biology but it does make my stepmom my mom and no matter how much I care about her I just don’t want her to be my mom in all official senses of the word.

It has come up again because they offered the adoption again and my answer was the same. My dad decided we needed to go to therapy (the three of us) and the therapist told them they couldn’t therapy me into agreeing. My stepmom said it’s not about that for her, she just wants to know what she did wrong, and why I’m opposed. My dad said he feels like I’m holding back and he said there is an unhappiness with the fact I have kept myself on the outside by not becoming a more official part of the family unit.

It bothers me. But part of me feels bad that this is something that makes them so unhappy.

AITA?

So many feels on every side of this one. The original poster went on to add:

I feel like I could be the asshole because I know how much this means to them and I know it might make some things easier for them if we were all legally the kids of both my dad and stepmom.

Readers, however, felt differently, and the consensus was strongly in favor of the teen.

Many reacted negatively towards the parents, labeling them as the real problems in the situation, such as this respondent who felt the parents should back off:

Image credit: Reddit

And this one, who agreed that the parents were drifting towards AH territory themselves.

Image credit: Reddit

Others pointed out that everyone’s heart was in the right place, and the family just needed to continue working to understand each others’ points of view:

Image credit: Reddit

Many shared their own similar experiences, including a widow who sided with the teen:

Image credit: Reddit

An adult chimed in with a story about their friend, who chose to be adopted later:

Image credit: Reddit

And another shared her painful story of giving into the parental pressure:

Image credit: Reddit

But while many expressed their dismay at the parents’ insistence, a few readers offered a potential explanation for their behavior:

Image credit: Reddit

There’s no right or wrong answer here, but two things are clear. Adoption is a very personal matter for both the parent and the child, and people can’t just change their feelings to suit others.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments.

The post Girl Asks if She’s an A-Hole for Resisting Adoption appeared first on UberFacts.

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When Did You See a Person’s Sanity Slowly Deteriorate? People Shared Sad Stories.

It’s always terribly sad when you hear about a person suffering from any form of mental illness that impacts their life in a major way.

And it’s even worse when it actually happens to someone you are close to.

But, unfortunately, sometimes these things happen to our loved ones…and it can even be the people we thought were the most put-together and on top of things.

Here are some interesting stories from AskReddit users who witnessed people slowly losing their grip on sanity.

1. Dementia.

“I’m a CNA at a nursing facility.

One of my residents used to crochet little pot holders and give them out to the workers. She really loved her crocheting, it was her outlet. I was a unit aide when I was starting out there at 17 and I would sit and talk to her while she crocheted.

She’s genuinely one of the the sweetest and most kind hearted women I’ve ever met in my life. Over the next few years, she became like a grandmother to me.

As her dementia progressed, her little pot holders started to get messy looking and crooked. After that, the time she used to spend crocheting was replaced by her fumbling with the yarn for hours. She didn’t want help with it, it kept her busy.

Eventually, she stopped asking us to go fetch her yarn and crocheting supplies all together. Her speech became fragmented and illegible. Her heart and her love for everybody is still incredibly strong- that’s just who she is, but she’s very confused and doesn’t know where she is or what is going on. Currently, she has covid and is fighting for her life like most of my other residents.”

2. My sister.

“My sister passed away earlier this year and she was sick for a long time.

During the last few months you could tell that it was becoming harder for her to think and respond. Paradoxically it actually made her a lot nicer to me. We had never had a great relationship and I always believed she hated me but during those last few months she said very few unkind things to me.

It was hard to know that the only time we ever really got along was right before she passed away.”

3. New reality.

“A long-time friend of mine started talking to me about some metaphysical theories he had.

We used to smoke weed and talk about philosophy when we were younger, so it wasn’t a shock to me. Then he wrote a paper that was dozens of pages long on his new theory of reality

He sent it to me and when I said it gave me a headache to try and read it, he assumed that meant I was understanding it. Every time I saw him after that his behavior was more and more manic. I don’t know if everyone gets these feelings, but one can tell when talking to some people that they’re just slightly… off?

Anyhow, he was apparently harassing some of his old flames and acting strangely enough that his family had him taken to the hospital, where he had visited a few times in the past few weeks. The hospital held him overnight and released him because he wasn’t a threat.

A few days later he started acting out in his mother’s house and broke a window. She called the cops, and they arrested him. The window was worth more than the amount required to make it a felony and he went to jail for six months. Two days inside jail and he’s back to normal. Why?!

Well, he has a degenerative disease that puts him in CONSTANT pain. He couldn’t afford his pain meds and when he went to the hospital, they refused to give him any because they assumed he was a junkie. (He had prior drug issues, if you can imagine.)

He had lost his job, was living in a cold, damp apartment without electricity and couldn’t get the meds he needed; so he descended over the course of a month into someone that LITERALLY thought Neil Degrasse Tyson was talking to him personally through the internet.

Once he had his meds again (again, pain meds not anti-psychotics) he leveled out and spent 6 mos trying to piece together what the f*ck had happened to him.

Super nice guy. He’s been fine for a couple years. Had to make some very elaborate apologies.

It was… uncomfortable to watch.”

4. Started getting odd.

“I was friends with a guy in middle school and from seventh and eighth grade, he was pretty cool. Very much a sports bro and a goofball, but functional.

In high school he started getting a little odd. Like he was there physically but always kind of lagging behind in the moment. He’d get distracted or trail off of a conversation and just go quiet. There were times when he’d get aggressive toward his family but never toward me.

After high school I moved away for college but returned home after my first year and he’d gotten worse. I was in contact with him pretty regularly until I showed up to his house one day and it was like he didn’t remember who I was.

I saw him every now and then after that until about five years later. I was in a Walmart parking lot when he pulled up beside me and got out of his car and started talking to me like nothing had changed.

We exchanged information and he texted me a few times and sent me some weird emails about his religion but I haven’t seen or heard from him in going on four years…”

5. My brother…

“My brother has schizophrenia as well as bipolar and aspergers. He was always a bit aggressive in his teenage years, but he calmed down for a bit in his adult years.

He has problems with relationships and money, but he always made ends meet for the most part, and he wasn’t homeless. But it all went downhill in the summer when he had a schizophrenic break, and was sent to a hospital. He called my mom saying things that were far from the truth.

He said that he didn’t see me for years and that my parents abused him and my grandpa was in the Mafia. Ruined the rest of the vacation. Our grandma and his bunny died later and hes had more than 10 episodes, with 4-5 violent ones that resulted in him going back to the hospital. He went from a person who was generally a good person, to someone who we could barely recognize.

He always loved dieting and being tip-top health, but now he gave that up and chain smokes. It’s sad because I don’t think he will ever be normal again, or at least back to his old self. One of his biggest episodes was ony birthday at 3 A.M he barged into my parents room accusing them of not letting him sleep, saying that he was going to kill them.

We had a katana that he bought years before and he tried to get that, but my dad stopped it. He took a kitchen knife and went up to his room and that’s when cops eventually detained him. I got to stay home on my birthday though. He just switched though.

He was always a healthy person and I saw him slowly decline physically and mentally from all of his disorders. It’s really sad and I hope it dossnt end in death.”

6. A terrible disease.

“My best friend was diagnosed with schizophrenia when we were 23. He was in the top 10 of our high school class, got his bachelor’s with honors in chemistry, and was in grad school.

The degree to which he outshined me was stunning until the day he pulled me aside and told me that a foreign government was going to come get him for his “expertise”.

It was hard. All of his social skills went out the window, he would call his friends up to buy him smokes or go on drives at weird hours until I was the only one who will even pick up the phone.

He reverted to behaving like we were 15 again, trying to get me to do sleepovers and spend my Saturdays killing nazi zombies. Even the way he eats changed. There were a lot of dark nights spent talking through anxiety attacks and reasoning through delusions, and it’s still not over.

I understand why everyone else has removed themselves from the picture, I’ve come pretty close myself. I guess I just choose to believe the old guy is still in there somewhere. It’s such a terrible disease.”

7. Alzheimer’s.

“Watched my grandfather slowly sink into Alzheimer’s. By the end he didn’t know my name or his own. He was sad and angry and confused. I watched every week as he forgot a little more.

Got a little more belligerent. A little more lost. Until one day I walked in and he started screaming that someone was there to rob him. It was the saddest f*cking thing I’ve ever seen.

I have such vivid memories of watching him and my uncles have such animated debates about politics and movies and sports. They used to play Risk until the sun came up listening to Sinatra. He would sit and explain every single play in a baseball game to me as a kid.

He was sharp and the saddest and hardest part was watching the struggle on his face to remember. The frustration he felt. Like he was letting us down. I miss him a lot.”

8. Obsession.

“I was in high school and my best friend went from a normal guy who we would smoke weed occasionally, listen to music and have fun. It went to this obsession with a girl that clearly has no interest in him.

He would literally stalk her, try to win her over. At the same time, he wasn’t keeping up with hygiene and went from a decent student to a poor performer.

One day, he mentioned that he wanted to commit suicide so I told my parents everything that was going on. His parents were extremely well educated but weren’t doing anything about his behaviors.

My parents talked to his and they took it serious after hearing about the thoughts of suicide. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Nearly 40 years later, he still doesn’t look the same. Really sad situation. I still miss him.”

9. Very sad.

“I watched my ex wife slowly spiral down and I didn’t even realize it. She was never really “stable” and had a family history of mental illness.

Apparently she started cheating on me and never had the strength to tell me or get a divorce and the constant lying and being on edge that I would find out at any minute really got to her(this was over the course of a year). Towards the end she would “rock” every time she sat and bit her nails till they bled.

Currently she is maxed out on a host of meds and it takes everything she has to got to work as a janitor and come home. Her father is her “guardian” and helps her pay bills and stuff. She often denies past events or alters them if they were unpleasant(she is very adamant that they are real).

Her father broke down and told me this a month ago and actually recommend that I not encourage our kids to visit her(I would never prevent them from seeing their mother).

So in the course of a of 5 years she went from a fit dental hygienist with a promising career and host of friends to an overweight janitor with no friends who can’t even pay her own rent or buy groceries. I do admire her for going to work every day and trying.”

10. They need help.

“My (ex) best friend over the course of this past year has gone from a normal – well adjusted woman who held down a full time job and a VERY nice apartment to constantly being online and talking about how humans are just slaves to an alien race that lives on mars and how reality doesn’t exist and If she died none of it would matter because reality doesn’t exist…

I don’t talk to her anymore because if I said anything in opposition, she would lose her sh*t on me… very different from the kind, compassionate woman I was best friends with for 4 years. I miss her every day.

Disclaimer: I know she’s doing well, she has a great familial support system and other friends that agree with her beliefs, I just couldn’t be one of them anymore.

We can’t force someone into help if they don’t want to be helped.”

11. Conspiracy theories.

“My mom started going to online blogs and web-radio shows about ghosts, aliens, conspiracies and took it all at face value. I saw my normal mom turn into a complete, gullible ignoramus in a matter of months.

Nobody could talk to her without her bringing up FEMA death camps, potential economic collapse, aliens, antivax or Obama signing more executive orders than any president in history. Her friends thought she might have a brain tumor. she didn’t. She did have cancer she was hiding/ignoring that ended up killing her bc she thought cancer wasn’t real.

This is what happens to lonely people that are looking for a connection…they’ll believe anything just to feel that they are a part of something. It was very sad that she was so unbearable the last couple years of her life.”

12. Sad.

“My grandmother was brilliant and so dedicated to educating herself. She had a library of probably a thousand books, but regularly circulated and bought new ones, and sold ones she didn’t need any more.

She read the paper every day, and when a topic interested her, she would cut out the article and summarize what caught her attention. Then she would file it in one of her enormous filing cabinets with other articles about it, and make notes of how the new article related to what was already there.

She lived in a college town for decades and was friends with many of the professors. They would often come to discuss things of interest to her or them. Including music, art and history professors.

Every month she would create a mini-museum exhibition on her dining room table. “Wood Carvings from around the world” or “Different things made from Lead” with little catalog cards for every item.

I have a 3 page discussion she researched and wrote about the proper times to used “baptised” and “baptized”.

The first sign was that we were watching a documentary about Apollo 13 and she didn’t remember it happening. She didn’t know that it happened at all. There is zero chance that she didn’t follow it as it was happening in her life, (not only was she well informed, but had a collection of LIFE magazines about the space program) and zero chance that she didn’t hear about it afterward. She just didn’t remember it at all.

A little later, she was trying to play with Lego Duplo blocks with my daughter and couldn’t figure out how they worked. She tried putting the same colors together, the same sizes, sliding the smooth sides against each other, putting the pegs against each other. She was so methodical in her trial and error and just couldn’t get it.

In her later years, she just sat in bed, measuring her sheets with her arms, trying to decide if there was enough fabric to make a dress, or an apron.

At the end she remembered that reading was a good thing, even though she couldn’t, and didn’t have the attention to listen.

And she hated my dad, (her son-in-law) she never forgot that. Forgot my mom, but not how much she hated my dad.”

Have you ever seen someone close to you go through something like this?

If so, please share your stories with us in the comments.

Thanks in advance.

The post When Did You See a Person’s Sanity Slowly Deteriorate? People Shared Sad Stories. appeared first on UberFacts.

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Are You Secretly a Jerk? Use the Shopping Cart Theory to Learn the Answer.

If you have to ask yourself if you’re secretly a jerk, chances are that you’re not.

It’s kind of like how real sociopaths would never wonder if they were secretly sociopaths. Still, there are some definitive behaviors of mid-tier jerks.

One of the many tell-tale signs lies in what you do with your shopping cart after a trip to the grocery store.

Pro tip: whatever you do, don’t do this.

So, what do you do with your shopping cart after you’re done shopping?

Do you aimlessly leave it somewhere near where you’ve parked, or do you take the time to push it back to the cart holder? Be honest with yourself.

If you do the latter, good on you.

If you do the former, oops – you just might be an a**hole.

Rest assured, you’re not alone. Even coin incentives aren’t enough to motivate people anymore, these days.

Basically, the theory is rooted in Platonic notions of self-governance.

It’s a gauge of what we’re willing to do on our own so we can all exist peacefully in society. So, our behavior when nobody’s looking (or we at least think that nobody is) is a huge indicator for our own morality. That might seem like a lot of weight resting on just one shopping cart, but it’s a sign of a larger issue.

What do you do when you’re the only one responsible for your actions?

It’s the same idea behind littering and curbing your dog – or even replacing a roll of toilet paper. The shopping cart theory measures how much you’re thinking about other people when they’re not right in front of you. It’s essentially a movable range of how self-absorbed you might be, but it’s by no means a definitive guide.

What do you think of the shopping cart theory? Is it an accurate way of weeding out the jerks, or is it totally misguided?

Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

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