fact
There are moments when we do things on purpose—even when they look utterly irrational from the outside. It’s almost as if the human brain enjoys sprinkling a bit of chaos into otherwise tidy logic. Whether it’s a small quirk or a grand scheme, intentional oddities often reveal something more interesting than the act itself: a … Continue reading When People Do the Unexpected: Strange Things We Do on Purpose
There are moments when we do things on purpose—even when they look utterly irrational from the outside. It’s almost as if the human brain enjoys sprinkling a bit of chaos into otherwise tidy logic. Whether it’s a small quirk or a grand scheme, intentional oddities often reveal something more interesting than the act itself: a … Continue reading When People Do the Unexpected: Strange Things We Do on Purpose
There are moments when we do things on purpose—even when they look utterly irrational from the outside. It’s almost as if the human brain enjoys sprinkling a bit of chaos into otherwise tidy logic. Whether it’s a small quirk or a grand scheme, intentional oddities often reveal something more interesting than the act itself: a … Continue reading When People Do the Unexpected: Strange Things We Do on Purpose
There are moments when we do things on purpose—even when they look utterly irrational from the outside. It’s almost as if the human brain enjoys sprinkling a bit of chaos into otherwise tidy logic. Whether it’s a small quirk or a grand scheme, intentional oddities often reveal something more interesting than the act itself: a … Continue reading When People Do the Unexpected: Strange Things We Do on Purpose
Have you ever thought about cheating on your spouse or partner? Or maybe your relationship hit a rough patch where things got a bit cold and you found yourself with some emotional gaps. You know, sometimes another individual just walks into your life at the most unexpected time and totally throws off your commitment in … Continue reading 8 Psychological Facts About Cheating in Relationships
In the ever-evolving landscape of public discourse, the delineation between fact and opinion becomes increasingly blurred. This phenomenon, accentuated by the polarized nature of current societal debates, presents a unique challenge to the collective understanding and engagement in meaningful dialogue. In this context, we delve into an exploration of six pivotal findings that shed light … Continue reading Navigating the Terrain: Where Opinions Clash with Facts
Research indicates that the primary reason behind worry might be to mitigate the impact of negative emotional shifts following adverse events. In essence, if we’re already in a state of worry or anxiety, the emotional downfall experienced after a negative event is less severe compared to when we’re in a state of happiness or relaxation.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
Those who seek professional counseling are there because they want to improve their mental health and need guidance.
However, getting some patients to open up on their first meeting seems to be a challenge because they are struggling with their self-imposed shame.
“Therapists, what is something people are afraid to tell you because they think it’s weird, but that you’ve actually heard a lot of times before?”
Redditors who are in the field provided their insights.
“Intrusive thoughts. Nearly everyone has thoughts about pushing the old lady onto the subway train, swerving into opposing traffic, or stabbing their loved one in the stomach while cooking dinner with them.”
“Some folks, however, take these thoughts very serious that believe that they might act them out. It’s called thought-action-fusion. Most of us are able to brush them off, though.” – vedderer
“Unwanted intrusive thoughts are normal and do not mean you are a bad person (yes, even intrusions of sexual/religious/moral themes).”
“By definition, these are thoughts that are unwanted bc they go against your own values and highlight what you don’t want to do (eg, a religious person having unwanted blasphemous images pop into their mind, or a new parent having unwanted sexual thoughts about their new baby).”
“However normal these thoughts are (over 90% of the population), the moral nature of these thoughts mean that often people experience a lot of shame and take many years before they first tell someone about them.”
“Edit. Because this is getting more visibility that I realised : The occurrence of these thoughts/images/urges are normal.”
“The best way to ‘manage’ them is to accept that they are a normal (albeit unpleasant) brain process, and a sign of the opposite of who you are and are therefore v.v.unlikely to ever do.”
“Let the thought run its course in the background while you bring your attention back to (insert something you can see/feel/hear/taste/touch). I usually say something like ‘ok mind!”
“Thanks for that mind! I’m going to get back to washing the dishes and the sound/sensation of the water while you ponder all the nasties.”
“Carry on!’ I literally say it to myself with a slightly amused tone bc I am always genuinely amused at all the wild stuff my brain can produce!!” – cbearg
“The amount of people I see who feel like they should be grieving a ‘certain way’ and are afraid that they ‘must not have loved someone,’ or, ‘must not have cared.’ People grieve in all sorts of ways. The ‘5 stages of grief’ are bullsh*t.”
“I was consulting with another clinician who was seeing a couple whose daughter had died. The wife was convinced that the husband must not have cared about her because he ‘wasn’t grieving out loud’.”
“In reality, while she had been going to support groups and outwardly expressing, he had been continuing to work in a garden that him and his daughter had kept when she was alive, using that time to process and grieve as he did.”
“Both were perfectly fine ways of grieving, however it is expected that ones grief is more than the other. They both ended up working it out however, he driving her and others to their weekly support group, her attempting to work in the garden with him on the condition that they didn’t talk. Really sweet.”
“To that same extent, the amount of people who are unaware of their own emotions and emotional process is astounding. So many people feel only ‘angry’ or ‘happy’ and worry something must be wrong with them otherwise.”
“Normalizing feeling the whole gamut is just as important. Recognizing what we’re feeling as well as what it feels like in our body when we’re feeling is incredibly helpful for understanding how we process and feel.”
“As a whole, how we treat emotions as a society is kinda f’ked. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.” – sredac
“I’d say a common one is believing that there’s something innately, irreparably wrong with them that makes them unable to ever truly ‘fit in’. For a lot of people it’s such a deeply ingrained belief that it can be extremely painful to acknowledge or express, regardless of the level of personal success in their lives.” – GuidedBySteven
“Two topics come up with regularity: when someone discloses to me that they were sexually abused as a kid, and/or when some is experiencing suicidal ideation. Both are something I hear from clients every single day, and so I don’t find it weird at all.”
“But, when I have someone in front of me who’s talking about it for the first time, I know it’s important to validate the fact that even though I might be talking about this for like the fifth time that day, they have never talked about this EVER, and are in need of gentle care to feel safe.” – HighKeyHotMess
“That they do not know what they enjoy doing. Often they have people in they’re life, including therapists, say ‘try to do something fun today’ or ask ‘what do you like to do when you have free time?’”
“Many people I work with do not know what those are. Once I explain that I dislike these statements /questions because they assume people should know the answer, and that many people don’t, I can watch as they relax, take a deep breath, and say something to the effect of ‘oh my, that’s so good to hear. I have no idea what I like to do. That’s part of the problem’.”
“More often than not they feel like they should know and that everyone else their age has it figured out. They are embarrassed to say that they don’t know when in fact not knowing is very common. I couldn’t even try to count how many clients I’ve had this conversation with.” – ljrand
“A common one in the time I was a therapist was simply ‘I don’t know.’”
“You’d be surprised how reluctant people are to admit that they don’t know why they’re feeling how they are. But that’s exactly why you’re (or were, I’m not a therapist any more) sat there with me; so we can figure out why together.”
“It always put me in mind of a line from America by Simon and Garfunkel:”
“Kathy, ‘I’m lost’ I said, though I knew she was sleeping. ‘I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why’.” – kutuup1989
“Psychologist here. Basically, anything having to do with sex. There’s so much shame. Sexual abuse. Sexual fantasies and fetishes. Erectile dysfunction. Infidelity. Becoming sexually assertive.”
“I’ve been told that I have a good ‘psychologist’s face.’ I try not to have a strong reaction to normalize the discussion. With adolescents, they are extremely anxious to tell me if they’ve relapsed or aren’t doing well.”
“They cut one night or they were suicidal. They’re having a lot of negative self-talk or panic attacks.”
“They’ll come in, pretending everything is okay. It’s usually in the last 10-15 minutes that they’ll say something. They’ll reveal that they worried they’d let me down.”
“That I’d be disappointed in them. It usually turns into a discussion about policing other people’s feelings and tolerating emotions.”
“I explain that I care about their well-being and it’s my job to monitor my emotions and reactions, not their role.” – MyDogCanSploot
The takeaway from this thread is that psychologists and other therapists have heard it all and they are there to help patients, not judge them.
While it’s easy to say patients should shed their guilt when opening up about their issues, they should be proud for taking that first step by showing up.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Humans have long been obsessed with exploring outward. People have always roamed the earth to see what there was to see.
And in the last 50+ years, we’ve launched into outer space, charting sights and objects further away than we can even comprehend.
But we don’t have to go further than our own skulls to witness things just as mysterious.
Redditor WaterPide is clearly aware of this and wanted some help uncovering a bit more knowledge about it all.
“Therapists of reddit, what are some interesting psychological facts about humans?”
“Something that makes me wonder how we survived as a species and then answers my question at the same time:
“People will adhere to what they believe to be true over what they know to be true.”
“Politics, religion, anxiety, depression, staying with an abuser are all examples. Even when they are able to state what they know, their beliefs interfere and that cognitive dissonance will resolve closer to their belief.”
“As a therapist, it’s my job to help them know what they know and slowly alter their beliefs to be more consistent with what they know. Too quick of a change strengthens the belief system.”
“It amazes me every time a patient has an epiphany and then almost immediately reverts.” — symp4thy
“Most maladaptive things that people get stuck in likely saved their life at some point. Most humans don’t do things to hurt themselves intentionally.”
“Examples: self harm may keep someone from attempting suicide to reduce pain or shift emotional pain to physical pain, which may be more ‘manageable;’ someone with an eating disorder likely developed it to cope with intensive trauma or feelings of a loss of control in their life; someone’s anxiety feels like it can them ‘safe” from being hurt.”
“Seeing people through this lens helps me never get frustrated with people because they are doing what they had to do to survive. Either consciously or unconsciously, it makes sense.” — Luci_purr666
“All behavior has a purpose.”
“An extension of this: there is no such thing as people being lazy. If people aren’t doing something others think they should, it’s for a reason, even if said person doesn’t know that reason either.”
“It might be an avoidance tactic, a learned behavior, or even their body/mind feeling overwhelmed and requiring rest before they take on different tasks.”
“Following that, if people are trying to rest and get nagged nonstop, they never actually get to rest and hence, never get to build up the energy to tackle the things on their to-do lists.” — Pages57
“Motivational Interviewing exists for a reason.”
“I constantly run across comments on Reddit that say things like ‘If your therapist isn’t telling you to get out of this relationship NOW, then you need a new therapist!’ But humans have a tendency to dig their heels in when told to do something they feel ambivalent about.”
“There are ways to help people realize what’s going to be best for them that DON’T involve giving straight advice. In fact I’d say giving straight advice can be one of the least effective methods for a lot of people/issues.”
“And these people in our office probably have a dozen friends ALREADY giving them that advice, and they’re still not acting on it.”
“I’m a clinical psychologist.” — revolutionutena
“I am a parent child psychotherapist. I work with children under 6 and their caregivers who have experienced trauma. In a nutshell, the healing comes from the caregiver talking to the child about what happened.”
“We call it ‘speaking the unspeakable.’ Basically young children know something bad is going on; domestic violence, abuse, neglect, loss, and they need a grown up to help them play and talk about it, otherwise they make up their own stories about what is going on and its often totally incorrect and self blaming.”
“Infants, toddlers and preschoolers have the capacity to be talked to about scary things. They can handle it if the adult can find a way to regulate through the re-telling and tolerate the subsequent emotions.”
“I’ve explained addiction, severe neglect, loss, and emotional abuse to 3 and 4 year olds. They are amazing and can handle it.” — Jacsheagood
“psychiatric nurse here. redirection is a hell of a skill. for example, we had a patient screaming at us and peacocking, just ready to fight someone. he had glasses on his head and i mentioned i liked them. he said ‘i need them to read books.’ “
“i asked him about the books he read and we had a whole discussion about that and he completely forgot what he was angry about.”
“learning about it in school i was super skeptical, but seeing it work and using it often is incredible. sometimes a small distraction from our feelings is all we need.” — speedlimits65
“The more senses you can engage in an anxiety reduction strategy, the better it will work.”
“Like the poster mentioned earlier, your brain does not differentiate why it is ramping the nervous system up. So you have to send it the clear message that this is a safe moment to not be hyperaroused.” — Coffeephreak
“Although there is no way to bring back the memories, playing music to dementia sufferers can bring back the feelings. The study was prompted when a dementia sufferer started crying happy tears to a song.”
“He told the care staff that he had no idea why but he felt really happy. His wife later identified the song as the one she walked down the aisle to on her wedding day.” — RaysAreBaes
“sitting at an unstable table or chair makes you feel like your conversations (and relationships with the person you are talking to) are rocky, unpredictable, and unstable as well.”
“on the flip side, holding a warm drink makes you feel warmth and friendliness with the people you are talking to.”
“translation: if you need to have a serious talk with someone, give them a warm drink and make sure their chair is level” — hugerefuse
“Your eyes can actually see your nose and it would take up more of the corners of your vision had your brain not trained itself to ignore it.”
“Basically, your brain learns to filter out information it finds not useful.”
“Also, our memory is so vulnerable to decay that when you remember something from a while ago, you’re probably just remembering the last time you thought about it instead of the actual event itself.” — IamMayFields
It’s a list that might make you feel a little skeptical about what you yourself are thinking.
Psychologists found that interrogative self-talk, asking yourself a question about a future action increases the likelihood of it happening. For example, rather than saying “I’m going to the gym later.” You would say, “Will I go to the gym later?” It triggers more goal-oriented behavior.
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