15 Accurate Tweets About Sex and Dating

Funny and painful. Kind of sums up dating and being in a relationship, doesn’t it?

That’s kind of sad, actually…

Sad, but true!

In the spirit of soul-crushing experiences, let’s take a look at some funny tweets about sex and dating. Yay!

1. Or maybe even 60…

2. It sure does add up.

3. Two sides of the coin.

4. You are not alone, my friend.

5. That’s a bummer.

6. Let’s go to the rankings.

7. Making all kinds of noise.

8. You might as well.

9. What a surprise that must’ve been.

10. Doing it all wrong.

11. That’s not a date?

12. She quit her job for YOU.

13. Is that good or bad?

14. Way to ruin the friend group.

15. I’m trying…trust me.

I hate to do this to you, but…please share some of your own awkward/painful/hilarious sex and dating stories in the comments.

We need to feel better about ourselves over here!!

The post 15 Accurate Tweets About Sex and Dating appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share The Rudest Assumptions Someone Has Made About Them

I wish more people would stop making assumptions about someone without knowing anything about them It’s so prevalent, and a lot of times we do it without even realizing.

What really sucks is when people assume the worst about you.

1. MRStaken

I have an undercut for my hair and wear it to the side, it almost hits my shoulder. I get misgenedered all the time because of this.

Apparently people look right beyond the facial hair and just call me miss, ma’am, lady, or whatever. Pretty much whenever this happens I just laugh it off because its kinda funny honestly and people make mistakes. I make sure they don’t feel bad about it when they realize it or just let them go and not correct them, its whatever.

But sometimes people get shitty and try to argue with me about why do I look like a girl. So I’d say thats pretty fuckin rude.

The assumption is whatever, just continuing to pester and get shitty to me about it is what I think is really rude about the whole thing.

2. Guys… stop saying this!!!!

That I can’t possibly be smart enough to do my job (security side of tech) because I’m an attractive woman. (Not assuming here – have had guys say this to me explicitly.)

It did help quickly weed out the assholes while I was dating, though.

3. A mediocre friend…

I was hanging out a friend and it had been about a month after we had met etc, and they said, “The best thing about you is that you’re happy being mediocre”.

This felt especially bad as at that time in my life, I had just had a string of failures and was already pretty down.

4. Why you so judgey old lady?

I was in target and stopped to look at a really cute swim suit for a baby that was on display in the aisle.

Two older ladies passed by and one of them said “she’s way too young to have a child” nose in the air.

I was in my mid 20s, probably the same age or older than she was when she had kids.

5. Again, trade jobs pay really well. People need to wise up.

That I’m probably just some uneducated immigrant who can’t speak English.

I’m Mexican, I drive a truck for a living. I make more doing this than putting my bachelor’s to use.

I don’t talk much because I’m tired, grumpy and depressed all of the time.

6. You WISH you made what he does…

I went to walmart while taking a break from painting the nursery. I was fairly spattered in paint and trying to pick a pizza. I heard a lady tell her kid “that is why you go to school so you don’t have a job like that”. There are layers to just how fucked up that was. Not the least of which is house painters can make pretty decent money.

7. When HR needs to apologize…

At a past employer someone complained to HR that I was allegedly playing inappropriate Rap music and too loudly at my desk.

I get called into HR to explain myself and told them it wasn’t me…it was the white guy sitting two desks behind me and he came in to admit it because he didn’t think it was such a big deal to be in trouble for.

It was probably the fact that since I was the only black guy where I sit in a certain part of the office, they just naturally assumed it was me.

You can imagine the sheer embarrassment on part of HR that came after.

8. Are they counting inner beauty?

“Why won’t you date her? Are you gay?”

“No, I just don’t like her”

“But she is prettier than you… ”

Happens strangely often, even if not with those exact words.

9. At this point… how do people not realize video games are entertainment like everything else?

That I’m lazy because I really enjoy videogames.

Bitch, I have a full-time job, house, car, wife, and a dog.

I also do most of the cooking, cleaning, dog-walking, and general chores around the house because my wife works crazy hours.

Lazy my ass.

10. So this one actually probably hurt quite a bit.

That I was stupid enough not to figure out that the guy I had a crush on in middle school was paid to go on a date with me as a joke.

10+ years later I’m still pissed.

Though based on how he’s doing now I dodged a real bullet there lmao

11. Just like a bad movie…

Well… There was the time I was an engineering student at a very well respected school and a mother told her son to make sure to get good grades so he didnt end up working in a movie theater like me. To my face.

I liked working there and did it because I was early in college and needed some extra cash.

I guess everyone that works at a movie theater is just a dumbass then instead of high school/college kids like we all were.

So that was pretty shit.

12. Good for you mom!

That I was being horribly disrespectful in a church ceremony.

In reality I was my little sisters Confirmation sponsor (Catholic rite) and was also in end stage liver failure. Was on lots of meds for pain and my brain was marinating in ammonia so I had several head drops (like when you’re falling asleep) during the 2 hour mass. Woman next to me berates me for being ‘so rude and disrespectful’

Luckily my mom found her afterwards and tore her a new one.

13. Not an only child

My (only) sister died when I was 15, when people I don’t particularly know or like very well ask me if I have siblings, I usually just say no – I don’t like to talk about it and it’s a conversation killer. But it’s surprising how many have replied with: ‘oh, only child? You must have been spoiled.’

I love then saying: ‘well I had a sister but she died.’ The look on their face is priceless ? Keep your judgements to yourselves, people.

14. Gender bender

When I was working at Best Buy in my teens/early 20’s, people would ask me to my face if I could go and get a “male” worker to answer their questions because they felt “more comfortable” asking them about it (stuff like game consoles, cameras and equipment, ipods, that was the area I worked in).

The fun part was watching the customers faces malfunction that male coworker would walk them back over to me, because I knew what I was doing in that department and they only knew their stuff when it came to TVs or washers and dryers.

15. Well, that’s quite a sales pitch…

A girl I met for a date on an app once said to me at the end of the date that I should see her again because a guy of my height won’t have many options.

16. Not zee person you thought he was…

I am a german living abroad so i have a german accent.

Also since i have had a receding hairline since my teens i have a short hair cut.

So yeah you’d be suprised how many times held me for a nazi.

My father and I were in Prague when we heard an English woman say to her friend, about us, ”they look so British they can’t be British”, which I don’t think was a compliment.

Okay, we were British but I think that was a bit uncalled for.

17. Hugs, not drugs

I have ADHD so I talk fast, I’m super tall and lanky and also suffer from all year around allergies.

Multiple times I’ve been told I have a cocaine addiction.

18. “Fuckular”

Just because I have these muscular fuckular forearms, babes are always asking me to twist the caps off of everything.

The truth, I have really soft under hands, and caps tear me up really good.

Well, that was uncomfortable.

The post People Share The Rudest Assumptions Someone Has Made About Them appeared first on UberFacts.

15+ People Who Are Not Sorry At All, Thank You Very Much!

Sometimes you do something and you really regret it.

Not these 18 people! They do not regret a thing, and it’s wonderful to read. Because when you’re truly wronged, you deserve a little retribution.

Or if you want a plum… go get the plum!

You’ll see…

1. Slowly…

Slowing down when someone is tailing me.

I only do this in the slow lane, I typically move if I’m in the fast lane.

2. This aunt needs to get her priorities straight!

My aunt was about to get married to this one rich scumbag who apparently treated her “right”. My brother and I did some investigating over the fact that he had lots and I mean LOTS of female friends.

A lot of sht went on, but in the end, we found out that he was a sleeping with and is a sugardaddy to some of of them. It was just three days before the actual wedding that we found out.

Told our aunt about it, wedding was cancelled, aunt was upset with us as well for some reason, and we regret nothing.

3. The right thing to do!

Sneaking pictures of my aunt into her fathers funeral slideshow behind her sisters back.

The two never got along and one sister was in charge of the funeral. She was adamant about leaving out any photo with her sister in it. My aunt (the victim in this case) was very close with her father. So I lied to my other aunt that the slideshow was done and I downloaded a secret folder of pictures onto the slideshow. She’s so bad with technology that she didn’t notice.

Not sorry.

My other aunt gave me a teary hug after the funeral and thanked me, she knew I had been the one to slip them in. She died last month of a sudden aneurism. I’d do it again, even if my other aunt never talked to me again. I sure miss her.

4. Be kind to yourself!

I’m not sorry for focusing on me and my needs. I used to be so concerned with taking care of all my friends and family to the point that I was I was sacrificing my needs for a lot of people who would not do the same for me. I’ve learned to cut toxic people out of my life and focus on my true close friends and family rather than trying to care for everyone.

Being liked by everyone used to be so important to me and honestly it’s so exhausting. I’m not sorry if people don’t like me anymore. It’s impossible to make everyone happy.

As long as you’re not being a complete asshole, you need to take your needs into consideration as well.

5. Time to grow up kid!

I love my daughter to death, but at 25, I had to cut her off financially.

I support everything she is passionate about, but if your passion is working for non-profits and wilderness retreats, maybe you should adjust your lifestyle so you can afford your bills.

6. Bully… watch your back…

In Elementary School, a kid named Patrick was my bully and he’d do shit like “accidentally” bump into me and spill my lunch and step on the backs of my shoes.

So one day, he was coming out of the cafeteria and I stuck my leg out and watched him trip face forward into the ground. We both got sent to the Principal’s Office, and he got whatever the Elementary School version of an In-School Suspension was for his repetitive bullying while I got a slap on the wrist.

Absolutely not sorry.

7. Completely fair!

Eating the snacks that my wife has forgotten about.

8. Facebook is not real life, people!

Quitting FB and having people complain that they don’t know what I’m up to. Fucking ask me!

9. Oh, this is a really good idea…

Cutting out my dad’s side of the family from my life.

They made my life a living hell while I was growing up. I was the youngest of the cousins so I would regularly get beat up or locked in rooms (my dad worked nights). They would smash furniture and TVs then blame me. As a young adult all they did was cause more drama by still break things in my dad’s apartment, or try to start physical fights. I’ve had so many fist fights with my cousin from defending my property to protecting my cat (no one messes with my kitty).

Once I moved out of my dad’s I cut all contact with them. I maybe see them once a year when my dad tricks me into seeing them (he has the mentality of always forgive family).

They know nothing of my adult life and I know nothing of theirs and I’m going to keep it that way.

10. Charities shouldn’t pressure like this…

I refused to give money to charity. Okay, but hear me out on this.

There was a lady who was claiming to represent a charity, but acted really shady. This was at a concert in a cafe/bar. She had a clipboard and was approaching people by saying “I’m taking donations for (whatever charity). Just write down whether you’re giving $5, $10, or $20.”

She didn’t ask if you’d donate, just told you to choose how much you were giving her.

I told her I prefer giving to charities I’ve researched, because some of them only spend a low percentage of donation money on the cause (Susan B. Komen ಠ_ಠ ). The lady got angry and raised her voice at me. She tried shaming and bullying me into giving her money, and we seriously fought about it.

Eventually she turned to my friend and started pressuring him lol. He said “Yeah uh…like my friend said…” and she stormed off. You have to trust me, there was something off about her. Plus, she waited until people were buzzed at a concert before approaching to tell them to give her money.

11. Fire in the hole!

Laughing at my friend in high school who stuffed her bra with tissue and then dropped a cigarette down her cleavage and she thought the tissue was going to catch on fire and dumped a beer on herself. I refused to stuff my bra and she said I was chicken, this was her karma. I felt bad when her parents smelled the beer and grounded her for drinking though.

12. YES!

Leaving my abusive ex.

13. Hey, it’s your wedding!

Not inviting my needy aunt to go wedding dress shopping with me. She’s begged me already and has been dropping hints for months, but I’m not budging.

This is the one time in my life that something really is only about me, and I’m not going to deal with her drama that day.

14. RIP Fido *sniff*

Creating a small “pet cemetery” in our parents’ back yard, despite my father forbidding it.

It felt like the right thing to do – no regrets.

15. Plums!

Eating the plums from the icebox.

They were delicious.

So sweet, and so cold.

16. Tips ARE NOT mandatory…

I’m normally a big tipper as I worked in the industry a long time but last week I left zero tip for my server that did a horrible job.

17. Don’t be a dick to the customers, please!

When we were in high school, my friends and I would always go to the same diner.

About 85% of the time we’d get sat with this awful woman who’d treat us like shit. She’d smile and be polite with grown ups, but the smile would disappear the second she got to us. She’d leave our food on the counter for 5-10 minutes while she talked to other tables, never refill a single drink, and roll her eyes if you asked for anything.

The first few times I just figured she wasn’t trying because she thought teenagers would tip like shit, so I tipped her really well. But the shitty service continued, and eventually I just tipped her $0.

Only time I’ve ever done that, but she really earned that $0.

18. Sometimes, this is necessary.

Telling the parents of a special needs child (think similar to Down’s Syndrome) that their daughter was struggling a lot with normal schooling (even with her IEP and own lesson plans) and she would be better off in a special needs school sooner rather than later.

They said to be honest with them and I was.

Sorry, not sorry!

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