Category: no stupid questions

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People Talk About the Question: How Are We Supposed to Save The Planet When It’s Cheaper to Trash It?

Reddit has a forum called “No Stupid Question,” and this one is pretty great.

The OP (original poster) points out that even if a person wants to do the right thing for the environment and the planet and such, the fact that it’s literally cheaper to like, throw out your entire printer instead of buying a new ink cartridge make it hard.

How are you supposed to do what’s best for the environment when it’s cheaper to purchase a whole new printer than it is to buy ink cartridges? from NoStupidQuestions

That’s just one example of course.

Let’s see what these 16 folks had to say in reply to his not-a-stupid question, shall we?

16. Be the bigger person.

Same way you expect governments and corporations to spend money to protect environment – you do what you know is best even if it costs more or is less convenient.

Also last I heard you can refill the cartridges instead of buying new ones

15. You might just have to work harder.

Assuming you’re using printers and cartridges as an example, that’s the point. Environmental damage exists because it is in general easier and cheaper to do things that are worse for the environment.

This ranges from throwing recyclables away instead of recycling, to chemical plants throwing unprocessed waste away directly into rivers.

At some point, you have to evaluate whether the damage to the environment of some action is “worth” the alternative.

In your case, this would be the cost of buying ink cartridges rather than new printers (buy a laser printer).

14. Make a choice.

If you’re concerned about the environment, you do the thing that’s better for the environment… If and when you can.

You’re not compelled to do the cheapest thing possible all the time, to the detriment of your values.

13. A fair alternative, at least in this case.

I guess the best you can do is recycle the old printer, but even then, you can’t guarantee that any of the components will actually be put to use.

12. They’re trying…sort of.

Fortunately, manufacturers have started bringing refillable ink tanks to their printers. Canon G2000 for example, comes with a full tank of ink that should last a home user a couple of years.

And refilling it is quite reasonable. 40$ gets you all the colors you need and lasts another couple of years.

It has it’s drawbacks though. For example if you don’t print that much, air can get into the ink tubes which is easily fixed by a printer cleaning but it’s troublesome.

11. The more you know.

Here. From PC World:

Costco inkjet refills ($8 to $10, plus sales tax where applicable; HP 60 refill for black or tricolor cartridge, $8) Vendor URL: Costco Inkjet Refill Service

10. You’re probably wrong.

I simply stopped using a printer. I have “needed” to print something exactly 4 times at home since 1999.

When I need to print, I go to Staples/FedEx/whatever is nearby somewhere I will already be anyway.

You may think “that’s ridiculous, I cant stop printing?!?”… Well tbh, you’re probably wrong, and if you think about it very little of what you’ve printed has needed to be printed, or at least been printed immediately at home, on demand.

9. If you want to get technical about it.

The best thing you can do for the environment is elect a government that will enact systemic reforms forcing corporations to pay the cost of repairing the damage they do to the environment.

The printer isn’t particularly relevant.

8. Yeah, man. Totally.

Planned obsolescence is the enemy of the environment.

7. Damn the man.

You’re not. The idea that any individual person can significantly impact the environment—by reusing bags, by buying a Prius, by turning down the AC in the summer, by buying organic—is a myth propagated by large corporations to shirk responsibility for modern climate change.

Within the current dominant economic system (i.e., capitalism), not only is it completely impossible to live in an eco-friendly way, but even if you could do that, you’re only 1 person out of 7.5 billion (and counting). You have no power to help the planet except by fighting capitalism. Capitalism’s only way to exist is to grow, extract, grow, extract, grow, extract, ad infinitum, which is not sustainable. Capitalism can never coexist with widespread, genuine care for nature.

Also, capitalism is inherently both racist and imperialist (look up “mlk three evils”).

We gotta change this sh%t up.

6. Invest in quality.

As people point out there are better lasting printers out there, but a lot of people think affordable rather than long term.

In terms of printers, i’ve rarely needed one so buying a new one has literally been every 7 or 8 years.

But its the same for a lot of things people buy. Why is it cheaper to buy a heap of junk food instead of eating healthy? Because junk food tastes nice and people will buy more of it than health food.

I once bought shoes from Kmart for $30 and in a month became so uncomfortable, they were torture to stand/walk in. Saved my pennies and bought them from a proper shoe shop for $180 and 6 years later they are still going strong.

Those who make cheap things with shoddy quality dont care about the environment.

5. Well maybe you can make a difference?

This isn’t entirely true, I’m actually studying sustainability and climate change and thought it is true that an individual’s chooses have less of an impact that that of a large company it can still have a significant effect. People indirectly control the industry if 10% of people stop buying beef that’s a 10% drop in profit for beef producers. That can have a serious effect on how a company operates so while it is important to change the policy regulating large corporations it is still important for individuals to live more sustainability especially since the implementation of new policy is painfully slow.

If anyone wants advice on some minor changes you can make to live more sustainability here are some of the best things you can do.

fly only when absolutely necessary. Flying is one of the most environmentally damaging things an individual can do if possible drive or take a train/bus.
reduce your consumption of beef and dairy products. Cows are responsible for a significant amount of global warming due to their emission of methane which is a much better greenhouse gases than CO2. Cows are the biggest offender but generally meat is the worst offender the least environmentally damaging meat that is available is chicken.

try to repair devices and applications whey they have broken and simply buy less stuff especially if it is single use this reduces your impact as you will consume less and will cause you to produce less waste.

4. I think it’s the walking that’s the key.

Personally, I walk to the library or the UPS store.

This is one of the reasons cities are a pretty eco way to live—strangers can share instead of buying their own shit.

3. Just wait for evolution to catch up.

We need to evolve as a people. It has to do with consumer demand. We need to demand longer lasting or products.

Maybe have our government s subsidize the good stuff. And tax the single use type crap.

2. Even that’s a scam.

Recycling has so much better of a reputation than it deserves. It’s just one small step above throwing stuff straight in the garbage.

“Reduce, Reuse, Recycle” is in priority order. Recycling is a last ditch option before throwing stuff away. The best option is to just use less stuff.

1. We can only do so much one person at a time.

Doing what’s best for the environment isn’t really about what you and I do day to day. On an individual level, we could be vegan as fuck and be completely carbon neutral without making a dent on the vast, global environment. Even that #TeamTrees thing on YouTube will do next to nothing, as great as that was.

What needs to happen is companies and governments need to take immediate, drastic action. That’s the only way we can save the planet. If you still want to do something yourself, then the best thing to do is get involved in politics and campaigns, and make sure to vote for people who genuinely want to tackle the climate crisis.

Of course consumers are gonna pick the cheapest options that are worse for the environment. Especially if they have to pick between the environment or feeding their kids. It’s up to companies and those in charge to make the more environmentally friendly options more accessible.

It’s kind of depressing when you lay it all out like that, don’t you think?

What are your thoughts on companies making it harder than it should be to do the right thing?

Let’s talk about it in the comments!

The post People Talk About the Question: How Are We Supposed to Save The Planet When It’s Cheaper to Trash It? appeared first on UberFacts.

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Do You Feel More Like an Observer in Life Than a Participant? 14 People Share Their Thoughts.

If you haven’t realized by now that it takes all sorts of people to make the world go ’round, well, you probably haven’t been paying attention. We’re all made up a bit differently – some introverts, some extroverts, some who want attention and others who shun it.

Those are just a few examples, but what happens when you’re dissatisfied with what seems to be your lot in life?

This OP (original poster) is wondering whether feeling like an observer of life instead of someone living their life is normal…and if it’s ok.

Does anyone else feel like they’re just an observer and not an active participant in life? from NoStupidQuestions

These 14 people have some great thoughts on the matter.

14. It could be anything. Or just a human thing.

Really! I’ve been saying this about myself for decades. I looked up depression and every definition or take on it. I know that’s not a diagnosis but I feel like I’m not depressed. A pussy maybe? An avoider of tangled webs? Sure. Someone who just doesn’t really care? Definitely. I remember reading that people felt weird eating alone or going to the movies alone. It never crossed my mind just like this.

I’m just generally amused by observing. I hate to say it but it’s the only thing that fits. Nihilist maybe? Cringy, I know.

I sleep because I’m sleepy. I eat because I’m hungry. I do whatever I feel is bothering me the most in the moment. That is as far as purpose as I’ll go. As far as meaningful stuff in the future that will inevitably come up, I’ll cross that road when it comes but try not to look back in regret.

Go ahead and give me an online diagnosis based just on what I wrote. It’s ok, it’s free so I’ll take it with a grain of salt!

13. Get out and do it…someday.

i feel that way because i never really do anything. even though i want this life full of adventure and crazy stories.

i never go out and make them happen.

i kind of just exist, like i always have

12. It might be depression.

High functioning depression sounds like this.

I’ve always enjoyed people watching and observing rather than doing. But then I force myself to do a lot of things even though I never truly enjoy them, seeing my friends/family enjoy that I’m there is something.

Making others happy around you makes you feel like your life has more meaning and a purpose.

11. The grass is not always greener.

I lead a life that most people think is full of adventure and crazy stories, and somehow I often feel like the observer too.

10. It might be the worse kind of depression.

as someone with severe depression who gets dissociation, depersonalization and derealisation I disagree.

dissociating is extremely unpleasant

9. No one’s life is all highlights.

One thing I’ve read is, “Don’t compare someone else’s highlight reel to your behind the scenes footage.”

I think that’s important to remember.

8. Some people are just happy being alone.

Yeah, I feel like I’ve observed my whole life and never really participated, but I’ve pretty much always been ok with it. I never thought it was a problem. I’ve always been ok with being the only person in my life. I love doing things alone.

When I’m with others, especially groups, I very much struggle to find meaning in the interactions so I basically just observe, but not in a sad way, I just don’t feel the need to participate unless I’m doing so in a way that is meaningful/helpful.

I was diagnosed with depression a few years back and I’ve been “managing” it ever since. But the funny thing is, when I look back to when I was a child, I felt the same. And even looking into the future, if I end up with someone, or have kids or whatever, I feel like it won’t change the core of my default mode.

But like I said, I’m not unhappy with it. It just is what it is and I don’t mind haha

7. Being left behind doesn’t feel great.

Yeah.

For a couple of years I’ve kind of just feel like I’m invisible or something.

Or like I’m stuck in place while everyone else goes on without me. Feels bad, man.

6. Don’t worry about pretending.

I’m on the exact same page, man.

I don’t care about diagnoses.

My behavior is the result of my nihilistic perspective and I’m fine with it.

I’m not happy about it. I’m not sad about it. But I’m definitely over trying to pretend that I care about things that I don’t.

The biggest stressor in my life is my family trying to convince me that something’s wrong. I take care of myself. I eat well. I exercise. I have no debt or dependents.

I could disappear right now and nobody’s life would be interrupted.

5. There are ways up and out.

I felt like this for years.

Struggled with depression, anxiety, and a slew of other things during that time. Last year, I got a job at a Juvenile treatment center, more specifically a trauma center. Got some promotions, started making good money and became pretty well liked at work. Since then I’ve made a lot of really good friends (funny how stress and really crazy situations bring people together) and I’ve been a lot happier.

Helping kids and having people who look to me when shit hits the fan has really done a lot for my confidence in life. Doing odd jobs before, and going through the motions, without putting effort into work or my relationships really did make me feel like I just kind of existed. I’m like, waaaaay more tired all the time now, but at least I have a lot of good reasons to wake up in the morning now.

4. Huh.

Depersonalization.

Everything is so surreal and I feel like I’m watching my life play out. I’m aware, but not aware. Often I’ll know where I am physically, but not know where I am physically. It’s pretty f*cking wack just basically being a ghost unable to grasp the world around you.

3. Hold your breath and leap.

The “stuck in place” part hit me hard. Wanting to change and develop yourself, but never really getting closer to where you want to be is a shitty feeling. I don’t have the perfect plan for overcoming this, but i do think that the “just go for it” method is a possible solution.

Going for opportunities and being in uncomfortable situations made me happier and more socially active. Creating opportunities, like finally getting a job was also helpful and made me feel a bit of accomplishment.

I wish you the best, truly and i hope you find yourself in control over your life soon. Stay strong my man.

2. Find your meaning.

This happened to me when I went to University. I was the second best student in my class in college, I was proud of that fact.

As soon as I went to Uni I realized just how small I am how pointless everything was as there’s another 300 people just like me doing this course, another 30,000 around the country doing the same thing. Why should I try If someone else could easily replace me. If theres another 30,000 people doing this course then why should I try, why should I bother with anything.

I actually dropped out of Uni after my second year because of depression. Went to a therapist for a handful of sessions before going on antidepressants for a year.

Feel much better now and really enjoy life, especially the new course im doing at uni ?

1. It never hurts to get a professional opinion.

I went through this big time in college. The best description I found was from a song. “Have you ever walked through a room But it was more like the room passed around you? Like there was a leash around your neck that pulled you through…”

But yea. That’s a sign of depression. Start by putting extra effort into connecting with friends and family. If that’s either too hard to do or not enough to help you out I suggest talking to a professional.

I think everyone feels this way sometimes, but it would be disconcerting to feel this way all the time.

If you’ve got thoughts of your own, share them with us in the comments!

The post Do You Feel More Like an Observer in Life Than a Participant? 14 People Share Their Thoughts. appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Talk About This Question: The IRS Knows What We Owe, So Why Don’t They Send Bills Instead of Making Us Do Taxes?

I feel the sentiment behind this question to the depths of my soul I hate doing taxes. Loathe them.

As someone who is self-employed, though, I know why the IRS wants us to do our own taxes – they figure we’re going to cop to income they might not know about specifically.

That, or we’re going to report giving income to someone else who doesn’t report it, something like that.

Also, though, they would have no way of knowing about expenses, etc, if we didn’t tell them, but that said, the majority of single income, W2 earners aren’t coming up with any of those surprises.

Here are 17 other reasons the IRS is probably never going to let you out of this chore.

17. Stay paranoid, people.

This is one of the few actual answers. Taxes as a way to 1) collect government funds and 2) encourage certain behaviors. The govt wants an educated population. How does the government know how much you spent on education expenses? How does the government know if you gave anything to charity? And on the business side of tax, how do they know how much money a business has come from debt? Companies don’t want to much debt because it makes it more risky, but interest is tax deductible.

You don’t want the government knowing all of your whereabouts. This is how you get government overreach. To ensure that you gave them the correct amount, they do compare it to how much your employers report, but they actually use a statistical method called sampling to randomly (but also not so randomly to the people who are way off) decide whether to send someone to verify of what was reported was correct. The penalties of knowingly lying on your taxes is huge.

Can you get away with not reporting other income? Probably, but in an audit, if this is a large amount that went unreported you are going to have some problems.

16. It’s all about the money.

Because the tax preparation industry is huge and makes billions of dollars off this system. Everyone of your financial institutions reports your finances to the IRS so yes they already know how much you owe. Ronald Reagan wanted to make file taxes and easy as getting a bill but couldn’t because companies like H & R Block are huge lobbyist.

15. And all trails lead to Washington’s pockets.

To influence tax law by lobbying, implies legislators are willing to be influenced by lobbying, instead of doing their jobs and representing the people.

When are we going to start blaming those legislators?

14. It’s simple…for some people.

They don’t know how much you owe.

They know what your W-2 says, and what any 1099s you received say.

They don’t know if you had extra income that wasn’t reported – drug sales, lemonade stand, gambling winnings, etc.

They don’t know what deductions you have – new baby, high medical expenses, gambling losses, student loan or mortgage interest, etc.

If you used the correct withholding information, and only had a steady salary that was reported properly – then withholding should have taken enough money.

They probably owe you money, but you have to file to get it back.

13. Because they enjoy the confusion.

Had an old boss who was a prior ordering clerk of some sort in the US Navy. He explained to me many times how they were often required to order compulsory supplies from inter-government agencies that were ridiculously inflated compared to any other private vendor, and a bunch of other things that pointed to it all basically being a giant, cannibalistic method of basically laundering money around the system from within.

This was explained to me at a hazmat job I did for a while, one year as we all waited for the EPA to shake us down like they did every year, despite our following the prior stated rules and regs to the letter, through their purposely vague definitions of some criteria and ability to have changed some written minutiae between visits that there is almost no way to be aware of unless you work for them.

I also worked for the IRS briefly as a CSR during filing seasons, and I can fully confirm that requiring taxpayers to do their own return only results in confusion, mistakes and a shitload of paid government employees.

12. It’s all very complicated.

That would be a while lot easier, but we have a more complex and layered system I guess.
We pay federal income tax, many of us pay state income tax, property owners pay county property taxes, and some of us pay city payroll taxes. When we file, we get credits across some of those different jurisdictions for what we paid. Of course, that’s totally separate from the various excise and sales taxes paid on good or services.

We’ve also got a lot of industry pressure from companies that either hire accountants for tax time (like H&R Block), or that sell software for filing taxes. They are making money by keeping the system complex and inaccessible.

11. Like I said.

They don’t always know how much you owe. People with really simple taxes, a W-2 and a basic 1099-int, maybe. The gov. generally knows only your income, and then, not always.

They don’t know your deductions and trusting their bill would result in overpayment of taxes, especially if you are involved in any type business, have more complex investments, or use any deductions such as spending on childcare for example.

There are many deductions and credits that the gov’t does not track or know about unless you tell them via filing a tax return.

10. Ah, sweet summer children with deductions and refunds.

If the government knows how much I owe.

They know how much your employer reported to you.

THAT IS ALL.

​They have no idea what you’re going to claim.

​If you have “simple” taxes. one paycheck, one job. one house, no kids, etc… no, it doesn’t make “much sense”..

But once you get into anything more sophisticated, there are MANY reasons..

9. You might not like the result.

This already basically happens.

If you don’t file your tax return they will calculate it with their default values and bill you for it.

Since you don’t get any deductions its typically higher than if you filed. If they got rid of the late filing penalties and just sent you the bill then it would basically be what everyone is asking for.

8. No stepping on toes.

Because TurboTax lobbies to keep the tax system complicated and difficult.

The IRS is legally forbidden from using the information they already have to do your taxes for you, because that’d step on the profits of the tax-prep industry.

7. Some people ruin it for the rest of us.

This is also part of why taxes are so complicated. The more complicated, the more likely you’re going to use those tax services.

Also, some taxes codes are complicated because of thieves trying to find loopholes to not pay their fair share of taxes.

6. You don’t even know what a write-off is…

Your answer is write offs. If you track your spending in work related things, they are tax write offs to help you get money back. Any interest paid on a mortgage, vehicle milage for work excluding commute, home office supplies, work clothes, work meals, moving for work, all examples of tax write offs. Generally I have 12k-15k in write offs each year.

If they just sent me a bill or for some, their return, you wouldn’t get to include all your write offs.

All these people saying it’s a scam for H&R block or turbo tax are dead wrong. A vast majority of the country files taxes and uses write offs. Just because the ignorant few aren’t taking advantage of this system, does not make it some big conspiracy.

5. Of course it is.

I’m from Europe and that is how it’s done in every European country.

4. Ding ding ding.

I am an independent contractor, so there is no way at all the government knows how much I make, let alone my expenses.

They could make predictive calculations based on the industry, but there are probably only a few thousand of us in the US, and incomes vary quite a bit, so I would not like to see their guess.

3. That sounds heavenly.

Even in Greece, the bottom of the barrel, I login into the tax site, and it has already autocompleted everything. I can always do some tweaks if something has changed and slipped through the cracks

2. It’s a slippery slope.

Continue with that kind of thinking and you’ll be questioning why we don’t have a fair tax code that forces the highest earners to pay the highest percentage of their earnings in tax!

1. They need you to rat on yourself.

They don’t know how much you owe, they just have a vague idea.

They don’t know if you made income from an alternative source that didn’t show up on a W2 or 1099, and they don’t know what deductions and credits you plan to claim.

Man, I wish there was a way to avoid taxes.

Maybe someday I’ll be rich enough. Fingers crossed!

What do you think about this topic? Let us know in the comments!

The post People Talk About This Question: The IRS Knows What We Owe, So Why Don’t They Send Bills Instead of Making Us Do Taxes? appeared first on UberFacts.

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What Advice Can You Give a Single Father Raising a Daughter by Himself? People Shared Their Thoughts.

If there’s one thing that people who have kids understand, it’s that moment of panic that occurs when you realize you have no idea what you’re doing.

Most of us, though, will never stand in this man’s shoes; his friends died in a car accident, leaving him with sole custody of their 3mo daughter.

Image Credit: Reddit

He’s alone, he’s got a baby he wasn’t prepared for and, since he has no other children, has no experience to rely on – but don’t worry. The internet has his back.

Here are 18 people swooping in with some very good advice.

18. Just breathe.

I am a dad with two girls.

They love forts, jungle gyms, trampolines, Mindcraft, helping me in the garage just as much as anything typically concerned girly.

Just do things, ANYTHING, together and she will absolutely love you for the time and you will be surprised how much you love being with her.

3 months is young so remember to breath for this first year. Once she is walking and talking it gets easier. Don’t forget to ask for help and get rest.

YOU GOT THIS!

Consider it your life’s purpose and you will live up to the honor that was bestowed upon you.

17. It’s as easy – and as hard – as that.

As a step-father (and someone who was adopted) all I can offer is love her for who she is, always let her know who her parents were.

A lot of it will come naturally, hopefully you have some friends or family that will help out

Raise her as if she was your daughter, teach her respect and values and she will turn out fine

16. Take her with you.

Take her places! Don’t stop doing the things you love, but include her if you can. Take her to the store, out to eat, go running in a jogging stroller (when she’s a teeny bit older).

Take her for walks and go on vacation with her! Kids soak up everything around them and activity tires them out so they sleep better. Good luck, Dad!

15. Just care.

All parents fail their children. You’re human so it’s inevitable to make mistakes. The difference between a good parent and a shitty one is if you care to try and improve and learn from your mistakes. There are lots of parents out there that just don’t care.

The fact that you care puts you ahead of a sizeable portion of people. You’re gonna be just fine.

Some fatherly advice… 1. They do sleep eventually 2. Crying is the only way they can communicate early on. They’re not screaming in your face just to piss you off. 3. Shower them with hugs, kisses and “I love you”s until the day you die.

14. This made me cry.

I have a three year old daughter. I’m a stay at home dad. This morning we watched some DC LEGO superhero movie (she said she loves Batman and Superman equally), and the day before she “pranked” me by painting my nails. Really she picked out the color and I did most of the painting, but she loves it.

When you’re able just spend time with her. When she’s having big feelings, let her. Let her know she’s allowed to feel whatever it is she feels, and let her know it’s okay. You’ll be there to comfort her. Love her and guide her. Always be kind.

At some point it will become old hat, and you’ll be frustrated and mad. That’s normal and okay. However you can’t take it out on her. When it happens to me, I explain what I’m feeling with my daughter and why. I’m frustrated with your behavior (never them, it’s what they’re doing) because you aren’t listening to me at the moment. That kinda thing.

Be honest. Kids are smart. And if you’re honest they’ll generally ask questions and just accept whatever you tell them. I have a nephew and two nieces that are adopted. It’s fairly obvious so it being a secret was never an option. However they are told (I assume they believe it) and treated like family. The fact they’re adopted means nothing for the most part. Might as well be bright red hair for all we care. They’re blood to us. That said we’re all honest about it if they ask.

If you have any questions or concerns my wife is pretty well educated on early childhood education. Between the two of us, I feel confident we can answer your questions.

Just being loving and kind will take you a long way.

13. Trust yourself.

It’s hard to imagine a more parental feeling than that fear that we’ll fail them. All of us feel that. You’ll be great because you want to be great and that will guide you.

I am so sorry for your loss. They must’ve loved and admired you very much to agree that you should take care of their daughter in their absence. Trust their judgement and your own.

12. Don’t worry about what’s girly.

Came here to say not to get hung up on what’s “girly”… I have three daughters, and they like all of the same messy outdoor shit, shooting, comic books/movies, etc. that I do.

Also, long hair (if she eventually grows it long) can be challenging. YouTube is your friend here.

You clearly have the love part covered, which is the most important part … you got this. As for feeling like you don’t know what you’re doing – no new parent knows what they’re doing.

We all felt the same way when we had our first kid.

11. Practical advice.

On the more formal side of things where I am there is a schedule of child health nurse & doctor visits, vaccinations etc. If that kind information hasn’t been transferred then it might be best to schedule a visit with her doctor to discuss what to do next. They will know what your local systems and have the most comprehensive records for the child.

For general parenting skills before our child arrived my partner and I took a 1 day class on what to expect in the first 6 months (further classes were available for 6-12, 12-24, etc). I found a few different non-profits operating in the parenting space offering similar classes in my area (these were very reasonably priced, with discounts available if the fees would be a hardship). Some people I have discussed this with say they took similar classes at their hospital. You will probably find that her doctor is able to make a few recommendations.

These classes are great at covering the essentials, and a few extra tips. But most importantly they provide the confidence that you know what the baby needs for everything to go right, and what to do when things go wrong. At three months old it can be hard to find a spare hour let alone a day but the value they would provide is immeasurable.

10. Sensible and true.

Keep her fed, but don’t over-feed.

Keep her clean and safe, but don’t drive yourself crazy.

Love her. Go absolutely nuts. You can’t love her too much. Hold her when she cries and set up her crib in your room if you feel like it will make things easier.

Be patient with yourself. You’re going to end up making mistakes. Kids are resilient. If you get to the end of your rope, it will do the baby no damage if you put her in your crib and go to the other end of the house with your headphones on for a few minutes to collect yourself.

The fact that you’re trying to figure all this out tells me that you will be a great dad!

9. Ask for advice.

Honestly, man, as long as you love her, you’ll never fail her.

Join some parenting groups on reddit and facebook. You don’t even have to post, but you’ll learn a lot by what you read. Having your mom along for the ride is already helping you a bunch because she raised you!

Never be afraid to ask her pediatrician, or, in the future, her teachers, for advice.

You’re doing a great thing and your friends would be so proud of you.

8. YouTube is your friend.

Sorry for your loss. Be as loving and open as you can, because she’s going to have questions you can’t answer but knowing you’re there for her will make a huge impact.

Also, look up YouTube videos about how to do hair and be ready to have a talk about menstruation around age 10. This includes having pads ready.

7. You can do it.

Congrats! You’re a dad.

Seriously, this is what being a dad feels like all the time. You just love them completely and want to make sure you don’t fail them in any way.

You’re on the right track. This is a tough situation, but you’re doing it. Just keep doing your best and letting her know you love her.

For some general tips…

Wipe front to back

Make use of that diaper cream. Use what works. I like the aquaphor diaper cream.

Get yourself a dad backpack. I like the one made by highspeeddaddy.

Amazon is awesome. Get their baby wipes.

Open up that next diaper pack only when you need to. Sizing up can happen quick, and you can return an unopened case of diapers.

Baby 411 is a pretty good book on baby stuff. PM me with your info and I’ll send you a copy. We got the pregnancy one and the baby one, it was great.

Don’t bother with an overly expensive baby monitor. I got a security camera on Amazon with baby crying detection for like $35. It’s awesome.

Honestly not much difference between boys and girls outside of wiping. And at toddler age, boys in my family are downright destructive beasts.

6. Talk about her parents.

You can tell her that her mommy and daddy died in a car accident but loved her sooo much and chose you to be her Daddy when she died. She will be hurt if this is kept secret and she finds out.

You can try to remember stories or qualities from your friends and record them or type them out so you won’t forget. When she is older you can give them to her, or tell them to her.

5. On girls.

Going along with wiping front to back, stay attuned if something goes wrong and she gets a UTI (urinary tract infection). It’s when bacteria from fecal matter ends up in the urethra. She’ll say she needs to pee constantly but nothing will come out. At that point take her to a walk-in and they can give her child-friendly antibiotics. (Also, anytime she needs antibiotics make sure she gets probiotics too – yogurt will be fine).

You can do this. The fact that you’re scared is a great sign that you will be a great father to her. Like many others have said, kids are resilient. Be open and honest with her as she grows up, learn from your mistakes and apologise when mistakes happen. You’ll be okay.

When you have rules and she asks why, take the time to explain it to her. Kids are more understanding and willing to follow rules if they know where it’s coming from.

This isnt pertinent now but as she grows up, remember that all girls face body issues and adequacy issues. When she comes to you with low self esteem, don’t brush it off and tell her not to worry about it, or that its silly to think about. Let her vent and keep telling her what a beautiful and smart and funny girl she is.

Girls also face growing up with misogyny. Luckily we live in a much better situation now where women are more respected than they once were, but she will still face it. Show her that how those boys treat her is wrong and that she doesn’t have to accept that from them. Show her that her opinion is just as important.

And when it comes to sex one day, have an open conversation with her where she’s not condemned for wanting it. Most girls have had parents tell them no sex before marriage, and so they felt like they couldn’t ask questions about it. They were shamed. Let her know it’s normal to want that but (if she’s young) she should wait because sex and emotions are tied together. Once you have that bond with someone as a girl/woman, it’s a lot harder to let the next person into your heart. Be open about all her questions, tell her how to be safe, dont condemn her out of fear of her getting hurt, but let her know the emotional toll sex can have.

4. One thing at a time.

Don’t think about all the future milestones. There are so many that it is very overwhelming if you do that. Luckily, nature makes it so that they usually only hit one major milestone at a time. Right now, focus on allowing her to try to roll over.

After that, focus on crawling (you can make it fun for her if you demonstrate crawling! That’s what my toddler did for the baby and it worked). After that, it’s tasting solid foods, then learning to walk, etc etc. Only focus on the milestones as they come.

By the time you need to teach her about menstruation, you’ll be more than ready and willing. You’ll be surprised how natural this parenting thing becomes (after the first very exhausting year). You got this.

3. It’s ok to be scared.

Just being scared to fail her is an indication you won’t.

I have an 18 month old daughter the only thing I want for her is to know love. That means to me always showing affection constantly.

Especially in the beginning it’s going to be hard I hope she doesn’t cry too much for you. But remember if she does and you feel like you’re going crazy just put her down and leave the room. She’ll be ok by herself for a minute while you collect yourself.

Give her lots of food I can’t believe how often this girl eats just like all the time.

2. Find your tribe.

First off I’m sorry for your loss, and you are a real life Hero. My advice is to look for any “mom and baby” groups in your area. It doesn’t matter that you are a single dad, you will be welcome to join.

I would start with community centres, gyms/yoga studios or even Churches if that’s your thing. Being around other people with babies will help you and your daughter. She needs to be socialized and you need to be around people who understand what you are going through.

Having a group of people you can talk to about baby things will be a huge help. Good luck!!

1. Take time for yourself.

Whilst alot of people here are talking about things you can do to look after her, something i would add is look after yourself also, your best-friend has just passed away, and looking after a child (especially a child that has just been handed to you without warning) can be very exhausting mentally.

There will probably be times when you break down crying and its ok to do so, just dont do it alone, be open with family and friends or a professional.

This is one of those times when you realize the world really is full of good people.

What advice would you have given this man? We can all use amazing parenting advice if you’ve got it!

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