Category: no stupid questions

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Check Out People’s Thoughts on Why the Body Positive Movement Is More Focused on Weight Than Physical Deformities

For a lot of folks, the body positive movement has been a godsend.

For too long, society in general – and some professions, like the medical field, specifically – have made it really, really hard to be happy living as someone perceived as being “overweight.”

This questioner wants to know why we’re more focused on making fat people feel accepted and beautiful than we are on making people with scars, amputated limbs, or other deformities feel the same way.

Why is body positivity focused on fat people instead of amputees and people with scars? from NoStupidQuestions

These 14 people are going to give them a talking to, so let’s just hear what they have to say.

Let’s take a look!

14. There’s a bigger picture here.

I think something people tend to miss with any movement geared towards uplifting groups in a minority or underrepresented category (whether that’s a racial, gendered, sexual, size etc) is seeing the larger societal issues why that is necessary to begin with and therefore make a bunch of false equivalence or try to in some way invalidate the necessity of these things based on actions of some people.

Clearly, telling people go eat a sandwich or disparaging thinner people isn’t okay at all and no true body positive people who genuinely understand and dedicate themselves to this work in a socially conscious and informed way would do this. But also, the point is no matter how many times certain people tell a skinny person to eat a sandwich, even if that person feels badly about it, the images, the representation, the idea that thin is desirable, etc are still the dominant images in our society and on a whole society rewards thinness.

Which is the key issue people should realize. Is that movements like this are pointing out what society has promoted as desirable and the norm in its images and representation and messages we all get over and over and over that tells us who are the normal, acceptable, good, beautiful, smart people. Movements are trying to shift these ideas and diversify them and people tend to not think about it on such a macro scale. A fat person can hurt a skinny person’s feelings potentially, however, it is still going to be true that in everyday life, as you watch tv, as you scroll Reddit, everything you do, thin will still be reflected back to you in most of your media and interactions and societal beliefs and practices as what’s beautiful and desirable.

13. It’s meant to be for everyone.

Originally the body positivity movement was mostly for the anatomical differences not relating to weight: face deformities, amputees, scars, stretch marks etc. But then the movement expanded to things such as height and weight as we became more open-minded as a community.

Regarding overweight people, it was sort of hijacked, whether you were overweight or underweight it was about accepting who you are, as an individual not as a collective to help with body dysmorphia and that just because your body isn’t model-material you are still worth it.

That isn’t to say they are healthy or unhealthy, it’s just about being comfortable. It wasn’t about promoting “this is what everyone should look like” which is what you’re referring to via “obesity is healthy” it is about saying I like how I look, that’s it. Just a small minority has taken the movement too far.

12. Because it applies to so many of us.

I would also add that just in general like 60% of the population is overweight or obese in America while there aren’t anywhere near as many amputees, scar victims etc.

Not saying it’s right but it’s sorta not surprising to me that group is the loudest in the community given there is probably millions more people who identify with it through that lens.

11. Everyone should love themselves.

I’m personally a big fan of the body neutrality movement. It completely takes away the hyper focus on one’s body and is more about accepting yourself and others as is and then moving on.

It’s not as extreme but you still feel good in your own skin.

10. Wouldn’t that be nice.

Yeah, I believe the real message is/should be “If you are fat, you are still worthy of kindness and respect as a human being, but it’s not healthy”.

9. Not everyone is beautiful.

I think it’s much better because body “positivity” can feel so forced sometimes and ultimately is still very appearance based.

Trying to shove this idea that “everyone is cute/beautiful/attractive” I think is actually pretty shitty, because #1. attractiveness may be subjective and beauty standards may change, but if the majority of people do not find someone attractive, insisting that they are anyway is just weird and obviously an attempt to make them feel better, it’s not the truth. And #2. being attractive shouldn’t be as important to our self-worth as it is.

There are so many other qualities that are more important that attractiveness that should come first, intelligence, kindness, perseverance, diligence, empathy, talent, sense of humor, and so on…it goes for everyone, but women especially need to be valued for so many other things before their attractiveness, because then when some of them aren’t attractive, it should not be this horrible, destructive, ultimate insult.

Body neutrality acknowledges all of that, body positivity ignores it and is basically condescension.

8. It’s that simple.

This is the entire essence of body positivity. I have no idea how it happened, but suddenly everyone thinks that it’s about fat people forcing thin people to find them beautiful and attractive.

But no, it’s literally about not being a d*ck to someone just because they’re either underweight or overweight. That’s it.

7. It’s also about a person’s appearance not qualifying their existence.

Just heading this by saying that I do think the fat acceptance movement can, occasionally promote unhealthy behaviours, or not be exactly receptive to criticism. I don’t approve of 100% of the things ‘those people’ do.

But there’s also the very good point that prejudice against overweight people is sort of shitty because there is an assumption against a person’s character or worth based on their weight.

Overweight people are considered to be lazy, unmotivated, even stupid sometimes – because there is an assumption that, because someone can’t manage their diet, there must be some moral failing.

Ultimately, however, there can be dozens of reasons for being overweight. Plenty of these reasons might be within someone’s control on a technical level, but addiction to food is real, especially when we live in societies that make healthy eating difficult and sugary foods plentiful. Eating disorders exist in the other direction, too.

It can also simply be that a person’s life doesn’t assist them. Their metabolism is slow and they work a sedentary desk job with a full family to look after. We all have points of health that we don’t prioritize for other things. That’s normal in an extremely busy society built around the morality of productivity.

Obesity can be co-morbid with other conditions. Fun fact: Someone with ADHD is roughly four times likely to be obese, because in some cases, their brain is so under stimulated that they go and snack/eat on an almost subconscious level. Depression is another big, obvious one.

Very few reasons for being overweight are just “this person is a bad human being”, and the movement is right to point that out. As such, shaming people who are overweight like they have morally failed or that they’re “just lazy” is inaccurate. People are often overweight because there are other facets of their lives that factor into it, be they genetic, societal, mental, etc.

Basically: being obese is not good for you, but it doesn’t make you a bad person, undeserving of love, unable to feel attractive, and lazy, and they’re right to point this out.

Otherwise the obese = healthy argument falls flat.

6. You can eat.

Original body positivity was largely centered around a reaction to Heroin Chic.

There was basically an anorexia epidemic in the early 90’s, and every model or actress you saw was like a coat rack. Every magazine for girls or young women was full of images of impossibly thin girls, and diet tips on how to get even skinnier.

It became so that many girls, and some boys, couldn’t see themselves as human beings, and there was a big movement to say no, actually it’s ok to be a normal weight. You can eat.

And then that became the message that fat activists stole.

It was all originally started with heroin chic

5. Health, mental and physical, is the goal.

I think all of this is a primary reason why some people have stopped talking about body positivity per se, and gone to the “heath at every size” approach, where it’s not even so much about any body type as it is about engaging in healthy behavior no matter what our size is, which I think is not a bad approach because it gets around the idea that my thin/young friends can eat empty calorie fast food all the time but it’s not a problem because they’re thin.

4. It’s about respect.

Body positivity was never supposed to be “everyone is equally beautiful, and if you’re not attracted to an overweight person you’re fatphobic” (a claim that’s so subjective and hard to convince everyone of).

The original point was “despite what anyone’s outward appearance or health is, everyone deserves to be treated and respected as a human being, and you are allowed to demand people treat you like a human despite your body”.

The thing that’s so frustrating about the shift is that now it’s just a argument of “they look like a supermodel!” “No they’re a whale!” Which takes focus away from the much more important fact that the person in question is in no way devalued as a person because of their weight.

3. How about we just don’t talk about people’s weight.

The way you take these comments kind of depends on on your background.

I, for example, was teased a lot by my family growing up for being so skinny/wimpy. My dad and brothers would make fun of my biceps by calling them “mouse stomachs” and my sister would recite a jingle from a popular movie that goes “chamber of bones nr. 1” whenever my twigs for limbs would be exposed. They obviously didn’t mean anything by it, but in the mind of a child that means skinny=bad.

Therefore, even to this day, whenever someone says “you’re really skinny”, I can not take that as a compliment, even though it might have been intended as one (for example, once it was followed by “like a model”, which would indicate a positive intent behind the comment).

I imagine this being even more so the case for men.

2. It could just be the numbers.

Also, there are way more fat people than there are people with deformities. Their voices have the power to drown anyone else out on social media as a consequence.

This isn’t on purpose, but more people post and more people empathize with people who are fat because they are the majority.

1. Seriously, just stop.

The way you take these comments kind of depends on on your background.

I, for example, was teased a lot by my family growing up for being so skinny/wimpy. My dad and brothers would make fun of my biceps by calling them “mouse stomachs” and my sister would recite a jingle from a popular movie that goes “chamber of bones nr. 1” whenever my twigs for limbs would be exposed. They obviously didn’t mean anything by it, but in the mind of a child that means skinny=bad.

Therefore, even to this day, whenever someone says “you’re really skinny”, I can not take that as a compliment, even though it might have been intended as one (for example, once it was followed by “like a model”, which would indicate a positive intent behind the comment).

I imagine this being even more so the case for men.

Why not make, I don’t know, everyone feel good about themselves, hmm?

What’s your take? Drop it in the comments!

The post Check Out People’s Thoughts on Why the Body Positive Movement Is More Focused on Weight Than Physical Deformities appeared first on UberFacts.

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Man Asks if It’s Immature to Entertain Childhood Fantasies as an Adult

Most of us know that we have to grow up at some point – it’s just part of the package deal of being human.

You get to be a kid for a little while, with other people taking care of you and buying you things and making your dinner every night while you do whatever, and then, you have to do all of that stuff for yourself (and kids of your own, if you so choose).

That said, you don’t necessarily have to leave all the vestiges of youth behind. There are ways to bring your childhood on through, to still get enjoyment out of the whimsy and daydreams – if you do it wisely.

Am I immature to still think about my childhood fantasies ? from NoStupidQuestions

This guy wonders whether or not his continuing to indulge his childhood fantasies means he’s somehow stunted, and these 16 people weigh in.

15. Creativity should be valued.

I think some of the issue is that creativity is made to feel wrong and cheap, think about it. When you go to school if you’re not good at Maths you’re not allowed in the Maths Team but the geeky kids are allowed to be in the school play because “everyone should have a go” people who are rubbish at art are lauded but those who are good are regarded as “nothing special” because again “everyone can draw” we also get this message from X factor and The voice, well anyone can get up and sing, you don’t have to work for it.

Creative jobs don’t pay very well and if you say you’re an artist or a writer or musician unless your work is well known people don’t take you seriously but creative people create, it’s just what we do! It’s as natural as maths to an accountant or the periodic table to a scientist.

So when our minds wander and we start being creative which is natural to us, it looks like daydreaming to others and it’s discouraged and when we share those thoughts we are laughed at and made to feel stupid so we do it alone and in private where others can’t see but there’s nothing wrong with it, we need that outlet, it’s healthy. Keep creating friend. 🙂

14. We need to reshape who is allowed to be “creative.”

Your post is nice and supportive of many but I’d like to dispute this notion that creativity belongs to the arts.

Many scientific, engineering and mathematical solutions are creative in their nature too. Many people working in these fields are just as much a “creative” as any musician or artist.

13. Creativity is a healthy outlet.

It’s not childish. It’s creative.

Have you tried writing stories or playing Dungeons & Dragons?

12. Daydreaming allowed.

I still have stories and characters floating around in my head that were there since high school ( im almost 40 now ), and sometimes it’s fun to just go for a walk and make movies in my head. Walking, thinking, sometimes humming soundtracks are all things I’ve done since I was young.

It should be no surprise that as an adult, I do creative work for a living and I’m pretty good at it. I went from imagining the things to making the things.

As I’ve gotten older though, I’ve found these kinds of daydreams can be unproductive, and can sometimes contribute to perfectionism or overthinking ideas. I can sometimes overly fixate on an idea because it feels good to think about, even though there are plenty of other valid solutions and paths to take which can often times be better than the thing I’m holding on to.

The only big change now as an older adult is that I put rules about what I can daydream about. I tend to not daydream or fantasize about projects I’m actually doing, especially the outcomes. I also avoid anything that has to do with me personally as that can negatively impact my mental health.

It really helped my creative work to free myself of the need to document or use my daydreaming productively. Now it’s something I just do for me, for fun. It’s like exercising for your mind to render all this stuff in your head. I’ll probably always be this way until the end of my days.

11. New things to try.

I was writing story only when I was a kid, but I have never done in my adulthood, and unfortunately I’ve never played D&D.

10. That’s how you know it’s a good story.

It’s always when I’m going to sleep as well!

Sometimes it backfires though and I stay awake longer because exciting things happen…

9. Sounds like a good use of time to me.

I used to pretend I was a captain of a merchant ship when I was younger, and I’d write a captain’s log by candlelight in my bedroom.

I had an entire world map that I imagined and drew, myself, on the front page of my journal. Full with cities with imagined names, and different ports.

I even had an old PC game where you had to sail to different ports and trade, and you could out the game disc in a CD player to play the soundtrack from the game.

8. Just one more reason to love going to sleep.

Me too!

I actually look forward to going to sleep because I love creating worlds and stories in my head before sleep and I can’t do it during the day.

7. Fantasy worlds aren’t childish.

Every good story has to start with some fantasizing!

Being an adult doesn’t mean you can’t continue, it just means you have more freedom to pursue it. Lord of the Rings, A Song of Ice and Fire, Witcher, and lots more huge fantasy worlds were thought up of and worked on by adults like yourself.

You should keep writing! 🙂

6. I want to know more, too!

I find it fascinating. Would love to know how these worlds changed/evolved over the years (as your maturity level and understanding of things changed). It’s too bad we don’t have a “third eye” that is actually a projector to project our ideas/memories.

And I don’t think that means you’re immature at all. I’ve actually read numerous studies that show that this ability to imagine/create/fantasize usually diminishes by the age of 16. Researchers found their only conclusion was our society causes us to stop imagining from fear of still acting like a child, as is your worry.

But…if we kept this ability past the age of 16 we would see Alzheimer’s and dementia rates reduce drastically. I wish I kept a link to the story, but I don’t think it’s childish at all. You’re keeping your mind fresh.

5. Make sure you write it down.

Sit down and just write something. Don’t worry about it being perfect. The important part is that you write. It can be hard to start, but if you just put your fingers on the keys and move them around a bit, just writing any old thing, you’ll get going.

Don’t edit on the fly. Just shit out whatever you’ve got, and when you’re done, then edit.

Write whatever stories come to you easiest first. Don’t worry about big narratives or anything. You don’t even have to start at the beginning; you can just start anywhere and plug that chunk in somewhere else at a later time.

Volume is what’s important at first. That’s the chunk of wood you’re gonna practice on and whittle down into something usable.

Another thing you could do is to get into oral-tradition storytelling, and whenever any kids are around, you tell em one of your stories. They like that.

Or just enjoy thinking about em at night. No harm in that.

4. I’m fascinated by these people’s brains!

I’ve had bedtime fantasies ever since I was small. I don’t make up my own worlds though, I insert my self into what ever fantasy world I happen to be into at the moment by shaping the story round me. Over time I’ve become better at this; before I use to just drop in my avatar in the interesting bits with no background and the other characters would just roll with it. But now my stories have gotten more sophisticated and I find a way to organically introduce my avatar into the story and take part in all the fun. I live in a very rural area and don’t have any day to day friends so my imagination is very active. I want to be friends with these characters in these story’s and this how I do it.

So I design a avatar, with a nice complicated back story. This person evolves over time to fit the each new story. She is usually around sixteen, long hair some times natural colors, sometimes not, shares my general personality. She is always some kind of fighter (wish I was), maybe trained to be an assassin. Parents are always out of the picture, either dead or have no factor in the story at all. I want to separate it from my real life as much as possible, so no parents, (also because parents are a limitation) no younger sister, and a different name and at least a slightly different look.

I am crazy about fantasy so she she is usually a magical being of some kind, winged elves are a favorite. It gets very complicated and I have to make up histories and explanations to fit is it in and smooth it over and it’s time consuming. But I think it is good practice for if I ever want to write a story (probably not). It’s so much fun and I can just sit in a chair day dreaming until mum tells at me to stop saying vacant at the floor. I hope I never stop.

3. Childish and immature aren’t necessarily the same thing.

Oh it is absolutely childish… but that’s a thing to be proud of!

It’s not immature.

Man, “childish” has a very bad meaning among people just because children are often “not good enough”. Sadly, this is the only word that some people will find meaningful, since “immature” sounds too grown up to be a serious offense.

2. That’s a take.

People who do this are real players. People who just fall asleep without thinking about anything or claim to have no internal monologue are NPC’s and are just there to flesh out the simulation.

Think of them as advanced AI.

1. Just a mind exercise.

Oh gods it’s so lovely to know I’m not alone!

That’s how I get to sleep. I don’t know how people just close their eyes and drift off into slumber.

You might not be able to go back to being a kid, but you can keep dreaming. It’s preferable even.

At least, that’s what I think – weigh in with your own comments down below!

The post Man Asks if It’s Immature to Entertain Childhood Fantasies as an Adult appeared first on UberFacts.

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“How Can Rich People Go Bankrupt and Still Get Loans, but Average People Get Blacklisted for Years?” People Answer.

If it seems like there are two sets of rules in this world – one for the haves and one for everyone else, well, you’re not alone.

One of the places we see this discrepancy is when we lose everything, and are forced to file bankruptcy.

How is it that a rich person can go bankrupt multiple times and still receive loans and start new companies but if the average person declares bankruptcies they’re basically blacklisted for years and their credit is ruined? from NoStupidQuestions

A regular person is looking at 7-13 years of rebuilding their financial life.

A rich person is looking for a loan that will get them through to their next huge embarrassing failure.

If you’ve ever wondered why, this thread is for you!

17. They’re rich for a reason.

It’s all in how s/he organizes their business. A corporation is fully separate from the owner (shareholder), and in court and for tax purposes, they are treated like a separate person, which is why you file a corporate tax return.

In other words, a corporation can go bankrupt, but that will have little bearing on the owner (shareholder). Corporations have the privilege of being able to file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy which simply allows the corporation to reorganize the company, whereas individuals can only file Chapter 7 (liquidate all your assets to discharge all your debts) or Chapter 13 (3 to 5 year repayment plan that discharges your debts). Both have a negative impact on an individual’s credit score.

In other words, rich people are rich because they know tax and business law better and take full advantage.

16. They’re protected.

The person didn’t declare bankruptcy, the corporation that the person owned declared bankruptcy.

This prevents the majority of the negative effects of bankruptcy from affecting the owner.

15. PR spin can do a lot.

There are vanishingly few chapter 11s that aren’t the result of some form of major failure or another. People put a lot of spin on what a filing really means for PR purposes, but believe me, a company does not undertake the incredibly expensive, painful, and laborious step of actually filing unless catastrophe is imminent or has already occurred.

The end result in the vast majority of these cases is that the owners (shareholders) are wiped out. Either a bankruptcy sale will happen, the proceeds of which run out in the middle of the capital stack long before reaching the shareholders, or some class of creditors will receive all of the equity in the reorganized debtor as partial satisfaction of the debt.

It’s true that chapter 11 rarely means the end of the business, but almost always, someone is getting megaf**ked in a chapter 11; the shareholders, then the unsecured creditors, in that order.

14. The system is rigged.

Yes this. But there is also something in the credit scoring algorithms that puts people into different buckets. For example, when I worked in real estate had 2 applicants for a place with the same low credit score of around 600.

One was 20 years old, really had no significant debt and defaulted on like a $60 dollar credit card bill out of probably pure negligence (her mom would be cosigning for the place)

The other guy bought and flipped properties, fell under water (this was around 2009) and defaulted on over $1m in loans. Same credit score.

13. Straight predatory.

I would actually say it’s not true that bankruptcy gets you blacklisted quite the contrary because your debt gets locked in for 7 years because you can’t file again for 7 years.

A lot of times a few months after someone files they get a lot of offers from credit card companies

12. There should be space for details.

This is something that’s frustrated me my whole life.

My credit isn’t good. But I messed it up keeping a roof over my head in college and beyond.

But my score gets looked at the same as some kid who signed up for credit cards and blew all the money on booze and trips and clothes.

Mine was spent on cheap rent and utilities and healthcare. I’m working my a$s off to fix it, and I will, I just wish there were more to it.

11. We don’t use the same applications.

Well, a lot of financing that rich people get is private investment, not bank loans.

So they’re not trying to convince a bank with a credit rating, they’re trying to convince investors with a value proposition.

10. It’s not personal.

This. Financial institutions are not the morality/personal choice police, all they care about is whether you pay or not and if you did that’s great and if you didn’t that’s bad.

If you defaulted on a debt because you had bad luck and had no choice but to do so to stay alive it’s the exact same result for them as someone that defaulted on a similar sized debt but for something else, like strippers, so you’ll be treated equally.

There’s nothing inherently “better” about someone that couldn’t pay out of desperation vs. someone that couldn’t pay out of mismanagement.

9. It’s all in who you know.

Rich/wealthy people use private banking when they use banks.

Credit scores don’t matter much in private banking.

If a rich person wants to finance a 10 million dollar mortgage and has a 100 million dollar investment account with the bank, they’re going to give him/her the loan without caring about anything other than the other outstanding debts that person has.

8. It depends.

This only works for some businesses though, right?

A corporation (like Toys R Us) can easily claim bankruptcy without directly affecting the individuals who are a part of the corporation.

In the case of a proprietorship (like a locally owned and operated store), for example, since the liability of the business is directly tied to the individual owner, wouldn’t that affect their financial standing as well?

7. Who cares about treason?

Or they are financed by Russian mafia who pay a fee to launder money through businesses.

When you have such a bad track record that no one will lend to you any more, you make deals that allow you to still make money on shitty businesses by laundering.

Or you get a “legit” loan through Deutschebank with ties to Russian mobsters.

6. It’s shady as heck.

Fun fact, this is why subcompanies exist too. most property companies will file each building as it’s own company eg. 123 Main St, LLC. and operate it as part of their business and just have that one declare bankruptcy if something drastic goes wrong.

The shadiest example of this is mining companies putting mines into separate companies when they go bust so that they don’t have to deal with the cleanup costs.

“That mine doesn’t belong to MegaCoal anymore, it is property of Toxic Pit, LLC! and Toxic Pit LLC would love to follow the legal steps and cleanup for the property, but they have approximately zero assets or money! Oh well, Toxic Pit is bust! I guess the government has to deal with it now!”

5. Must be nice.

In college I knew a girl who worked for a millionaire. He told her he’d made money and lost it several times. His advice to her was you never use your own money to make money, you use someone else’s.

Hence, as others have pointed out, a corporation that has people buying into it as an investment can go under and there is a separation between the corporation and the individual. This is not talking about a mom and pop gas station but larger businesses.

4. When the bank gambles.

Something I read a while ago on here…

“Take a thousand dollar loan, you worry.

Take a million dollar loan, both you and the bank worry.

Take a billion dollar loan, the bank worries.”

If I fail to repay the thousand dollar loan, the bank will come down heavy on me and I will either pay it or my wages get garnished until the entire loan (plus interest) is paid.

If I fail to pay back the billion dollar loan, the bank will work WITH me because they don’t want to take a massive hit.

3. It’s a classic for a reason.

It’s an old joke:

If you have $10,000 in debt, that’s your problem.

If you have $10,000,000,000 in debt, that’s the bank’s problem.

2. An interesting take.

There was a lot of impact on World War 1 about supporting a country at war for the survival of the country because they owe you money.

If you owe the bank money, the bank controls you. But if you owe the bank enough money, you control the bank. At that point the bank has an interest if your survival

1. Find the right loan officer.

I’m in financial services and here is the basics on this. Most lenders yes would blacklist the individual. But it also depends on the lender and the type of lending being done. Some lenders charge more (higher interest rates) for the added risk and others specialize in Asset Based lending, in which they don’t care about the individual but just the assets.

In most cases, real estate being the most valuable. Many cookie cutter lenders like the big 4 would not touch someone with a 10ft pool that has a BK, but that doesn’t mean someone won’t. There is a lender for everyone out there. Just need to find one.

I don’t know why the world is the way it is, but sometimes I really want off.

Do you think this is fair? Is there any way to change it?

Drop your thoughts in the comments!

The post “How Can Rich People Go Bankrupt and Still Get Loans, but Average People Get Blacklisted for Years?” People Answer. appeared first on UberFacts.

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Why Don’t Humans Have a “Mating Season?”

The Reddit forum r/NoStupidQuestions is the place to go when you have a query you’re too embarrassed to ask your friends…or because you’ve already exhausted your friends asking this particular question.

This one should really get those brain-wheels greased – if humans are mammals just like all the rest (or close enough), why isn’t there a human mating season?

If you’re curious now, here’s what 15 people had to say about it!

15. Keep dreaming.

Ugh it’s terrible. I wish we would just have mating seasons.

U horny? yeah I’m horny, mkay let’s bang.

cool. done.

To hell with all this courtship and mind games.

14. Look at the smart guy!

There’s no definitive answer, but one part of it might be that humans are already communal creatures, so there’s no need to synchronize any sort of mating season, because we’re already together.

Additionally, human babies take a long time to mature, and are often looked after by more humans than just the mother, this makes asynchronous births easier, since there will be more humans to help with child care.

13. The more you know?

It’s actually Feb 14 and Jan 1st.

Which is why birthdays in October and November are more common…

12. It might not be for the best.

Organisms that can’t farm or stockpile resources may have no choice. If they don’t all birth when resources are increasing or abundant (usually Spring or Summer), the offspring will die. Of course disasters can strike e.g. a drought leading to famine and a mass die off for a species.

It also worth noting though that most species which require huge amounts of resources usually aren’t too numerous (humans are again another exception there, but evidence is rapidly mounting that we are using up our resources and screwing over the planet which could lead to us causing our own extinction….so yay?)

11. Hahahaha think about it.

Imagine everybody having a break off work to go out and find a mate.

Paid sex vacation?

10. We’re not alone.

Chimps and gorillas don’t have mating sessions either.

9. “Happy” holidays?

Everyone I know seems to have a September birthday which means that December is, apparently, mating season.

8. Seasons don’t matter.

Plus since we have to take care of them for years anyway, it doesn’t really make sense to avoid a winter. We’ll have to do the next one after all.

And writing that down, our species originated in a region with no winter. So the need for a mating season would probably be a lot less prevalent anyway. (Do other big mammals in the African plains have mating seasons?)

7. Blerg.

The human female reproductive cycle repeats every month instead of every year.

Our mating season is all the time except for one week a month.

6. Those dang kids.

Also since the time it takes for human babies to mature enough to no longer need parental support is longer than 1 year, it’d be irrational to have an annual season for mating.

5. There’s always a reason.

We don’t have a firm answer for this in nature, but generally, mating seasons are found in species that a) have a long gestational period; and b) have significantly unequal access to food year round.

Typically the mechanism is a hormonal cycle where the female is only receptive to mating under particular conditions (usually weather and calorie related).

Hardly any apes are seasonal breeders, and the few that are likely developed our common ancestors split. So while we don’t have a firm answer in nature, the most likely answer is that it’s because the ancestors of humans a few million years ago had relatively even access to food throughout the year. Our closest relatives (chimpanzees, gorillas, orangutans, and bonobos and gibbons) are all continuous breeders as well.

4. We can feed ourselves any time.

Animal mating seasons typically coincide with the season where resources (namely food) are most abundant. Pregnancy requires a lot of energy, after all, so there’s little point for a deer, for example, to try and have a child in the middle of winter when food is at its scarcest.

Humans, by contrast, have been less dependent on seasons being hunter-gatherers. More importantly, however, by possessing the capacity to be pregnant at any point in the year, males and females are ‘forced’ to stay in close proximity all year long, rather than have the males buggar off and only come back during mating season.

This allows the female to secure food, care, and resource for her and her progeny during the entire year, and allows for a better chance for the offspring to survive (as human offsprings are extremely dependent on their caretakers for a longer period relative to other animal species)

3. So…all year?

If you live in Canada, I’d call it winter.

2. “A continual basis.” Sure.

One of the more unusual aspects of human mating is that unlike most species, ovulation / fertility isn’t on display. If you’ve ever owned a female dog, you’ll know they go into “heat” and begin spotting, leaving a trail everywhere. In the wild this would lead a mate to the female during her fertile window.

Humans are one of the very few if not only(?) species that have this virtually entirely hidden… It requires that the male maintain courtship on a more continual basis… and it’s also heavily involved in preventing something akin to a mating season.

1. Details, because you know you want them.

I think it’s important to point out the differences between a menstrual) cycle and an estrous cycle. In terms of menstruation, humans are among a very limited group of mammals. Menstruation is the shedding of the uterine lining (endometrium), whereas estrous cycles involve the re-absorption of the endometrium.

Menstruation is generally found amongst simian species. There are some bats, the elephant shrew, and the spiny mouse that also have menstruation cycles. Beyond that, placental mammals seem to use estrous cycles. There are species that use the estrous cycle that have bloody discharges from the vagina, and that gets mistaken for menstruation.

Giraffes (estrous cycle) seem to have a pretty subtle process that requires the male to taste/smell the urine of a female in order to tell if they are fertile or not. This can mean that males will headbutt a female in the bladder to get them to pee.

Don’t you just love stuff that gets your gears grinding?

What do you think about these responses? Are you buying it? Tell us in the comments!

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Do You Have an Irrational Fear of Answering the Phone? People Confess That You’re Not Alone!

It’s one of the more ironic things about our society that now that we all have phones in our hands pretty much 24/7, we’ve developed an intense dislike of actually speaking on them.

We’d rather text or DM or PM or Snapchat or heck, even email before actually picking it up and talking to whoever is on the other end of the line.

This guy has an irrational fear of answering, no matter who is calling, and he wonders if he’s alone.

Does anyone else have this irrational fear of answering calls, no matter who’s calling? from NoStupidQuestions

Luckily, answers like that are just what Reddit is for.

Let’s check them out!

16. Definitely not.

I’m not alone then. I HATE getting calls.

Text me all you want – just don’t call me. I get anxious and uncomfortable and I have no idea why.

It’s gotten so bad even my girlfriend is affected. Yeah, she can call me and I’d answer, but our calls rarely go beyond 3 minutes.

I’m not even joking.

15. Those are the devil, too.

Sort of.

But for some reason I will never listen to a voicemail message as I think for some reason they’ll always be bad.

14. No good reason.

My biggest issue is unknown numbers.

I haven’t deleted a number I’ve saved in my phone since I got it but stuff like I’ve joined some service and the person I’m in contact with will use one number but their contact may contact me from another then the initial person has a work mobile that’s set to private and it’s all WHY IS SOMEONE PHONING ME???

13. Even more reason not to answer in your private time.

Yes.

I also work at a call center.

It’s lots of fun.

12. Things are getting worse, too.

I have a very difficult time answering phone calls. It wasn’t something I’ve always had… it’s progressed over the last 18 years.

Hell, even if I don’t answer and the callers leaves a message, I have a difficult time actually listening to the message. I don’t understand it… it’s completely irrational.

The only thing I can think of is that in my mind, if I don’t acknowledge the call or the message, I don’t have to deal with whatever potential threat/problem/situation exists on the other end.

11. Sometimes we have to.

I’m a 911 operator and I still have anxiety about using the phone, outside of work of course.

I’m guessing a different state of mind exists when you’re working that kind of blocks it out.

10. Sooooo awkward.

Yes, I have social anxiety to begin with but for some reason not being able to see the person I’m talking to makes it so much worse.

Also the city I live in has dogsh%t cell reception so by the fourth time I have to say “I’m sorry, say again?”

I’m about ready to curl up in a ball and give up. LOL

9. Anxiety is no fun.

Yes, but I suffer from generalized anxiety.

When my anxiety is really unsettled, the phone is really hard for me.

Making or receiving calls can be a totally daunting task.

Overwhelming, even.

Without the invention of texting, I would be SOL.

8. Just say no.

Yes. I hate answering my phone unless I know who it is or am expecting a call.

I just let it go to voicemail and then call back if necessary.

7. Apps are a godsend.

Luckily these days most places hat deliver support online or app ordering.

Haven’t called for a good delivery in a couple years.

6. Hopefully next year.

It certainly does make me feel anxious, and if I’m not expecting a call and it’s an unknown number, a little afraid too.

Either way, both of us should leave the house more often.

5. Humans should come with warning labels.

Yep! My boyfriend is nice enough to make appointments for me and pick up my meds.

I don’t know why but every time I make the calls myself it’s like I have this strange kind of goodbye exchange that seems all intimate and weird.

And then one time I accidentally hung up on a lady without saying bye and I could not get over it, I felt so bad.

I hate calling people, god dammit. I also probably never answer the phone when it rings.

Just send me an email or something I’m scared, I’m poor, I’m anxious, I don’t want what you’re selling.

4. It’s a real thing.

Telephone phobia is reluctance or fear of making or taking phone calls, literally, “fear of telephones”. It is considered to be a type of social phobia or social anxiety.

It may be compared to glossophobia, in that both arise from having to engage with an audience, and the associated fear of being criticized, judged or made a fool of.

3. Why would you?

Same.

I never answer my phone if I’m not expecting a call or don’t know who it is.

If they don’t leave a message I don’t call back.

2. This is definitely a thing.

I’ll do you one better.

If I’m going to order ahead from a restaurant and I discover that they don’t have online ordering, I find a different restaurant.

1. At least you’re not alone.

generalized anxiety
That feeling when you are watching the screen, knowing you cant reject the call, and holding your breath until the call leaves the screen, so you can get back to Reddit.

Next, you wonder how long is best to wait, before you text them an excuse as to why you didn’t answer..

Then, you get lost on Reddit and forget someone called, and you never call or text them back.

Eventually, you see them in person, they’re all, “yooo, you never answer your phone! Why do you even have one?!”

Sorry, I just suck at life.

I don’t think I have a fear,  exactly, but I would definitely rather text.

Give us your thoughts in the comments!

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Have You Ever Wondered Why We Let Santa Claus Take the Credit for Our Gifts? You’re Not Alone!

If your family was Christian (or just not NOT Christian), then there’s a good chance you woke up Christmas morning to find that Santa Claus had visited your home.

Then, at some point in your young life you learned that everyone had been lying to you. Santa wasn’t real, your parents were buying the gifts, etc.

And honestly, most of us really don’t care because we’re still going to get gifts.

This (childless) guy wonders why parents want to give away the credit to a stranger, though. Why don’t family and friends say “this gift is from someone who loves you?”

Why do we give children illusions about Santa etc on Christmas instead of telling them that you get your loved ones a gift? The latter seems more lovely and is actually the truth from NoStupidQuestions

Why the lies?!

Keep reading to find out what these Redditors think about the whole mess!

16. You don’t want to mess it up for others.

I think the biggest problem with telling young people there’s no Santa is because kids have no filter.

When everyone at school is talking about Santa, they’ll blurt out that Santa isn’t real, and they’ll crush all their classmates.

15. Because it’s fun.

When I was a kid my parents would give me gifts from Santa as well as themselves, so it doesn’t have to be one or the other.

She would also write on other gifts from Frosty the Snowman, from Rudolph, and a bunch of other imaginary christmas characters.

My mother even did this long after we stopped believing just for fun.

14. It’s a powerful force.

My mom didn’t raise us to believe in santa We knew it was her.

We still did all the santa stuff (writing letters, leaving out cookies and milk, etc) though just for fun.

13. That’s part of it.

I always thought it was all a way to get kids to behave. You didn’t want to be put on a naughty list.

Kids deal with having to follow their parent’s rules 24/7/365.

They are much more open to the idea of behaving well for a supernatural, omnipotent being that will reward them with presents if they’re good.

12. Things have gotten out of hand.

Aside from the points people have raised about it just being a bit of fun and excitement for the kids at Christmas, the gifts never used to be lavish and expensive, they were usually just small token gifts or treats – so it wasn’t that Santa had gone out and bought you a new Xbox, it was that the small items you found in your stocking on Christmas morning were left there by a magical man who lives at the North Pole/Lapland and visits good children once a year.

Now the holiday has become entirely about consumerism, the idea of Santa leaving all these gifts seems a bit weird and antiquated. I’m not saying we should abandon it (for the most part it’s a nice tradition and just a bit of fun for the little’uns at Christmas), but as others have pointed out it leaves some kids with awkward questions about why Santa likes little Timmy down the road more than them.

Side note, when I was a kid we had both – we’d get some small “stocking filler” stuff from Father Christmas, but the “main” gifts would always be from our parents.

11. It could be practical.

I know when I was a kid my parents weren’t well off at all and loved budgeting so whenever I got a toy or anything it would be something cheap and small.

Every Christmas i would say “Im asking Santa for this because I know it’s too expensive” And “Santa” would get at least one of the expensive gifts and my parents would give me the smaller things.

I think it was good so I never became more entitled and expected more from my parents. As some of the other posts said it made things magical because not only the lore of santa but it was the one time of year I could get a toy that I often saw the kids at school with.

And once I realized Santa wasn’t real it just made the gifts more special.

10. Four months? I think I’m doing something wrong.

“Santa’s watching” is a good excuse to get your kids to behave for like four months.

It also just makes the day more magical and fun.

9. He’s not without issue.

I used to think it was magical or just a bit of fun until I started teaching.

Every year come January the kids would come in and start talking (sometimes bragging) about what Santa had given them.

Sometimes Santa was extremely generous to certain children, others unfortunately not so much.

You could see some of the other children who were “good” thinking to themselves “why didn’t I get as much as everyone else?” It was actually a little heartbreaking.

8. Simpler times.

Historically speaking, the original Santa was a man who gave to the poor and expected nothing in return.

That’s what Santa is supposed to be and it’s supposed to teach children to be selfless and give even if there’s no incentive.

7. Everyone likes playing pretend.

I never really believed my parents about Santa (I think they made some slip-up really early that I picked up on) but I quite enjoyed buying into the fantasy anyway.

It’s a fun make-believe thing and I think actually lot of kids enjoy it even though they see through it.

Most of what young kids do with their friends is pretending anyway.

6. Because wonder.

I will tell my son about father Christmas to have some magic/wonder and I will also give him gifts from family and tell him it’s family because of the reasons you mentioned.

Christmas can be full of magic and wonder and love.

5. Being “in the know” feels cool.

Same, I remember quite early on in life I I snuck down the stairs in the middle of the night on Xmas Eve and saw my Mum wrapping presents.

Shock.

I stayed up the rest of the night literally watching out my window just to be sure, and sure enough… nary a plump, white haired man in a red suit with flying reindeer in sight.

The jig was up after that, I told my Mum and she confirmed but asked that I keep it an “big girl” secret (so not to spoil it for everyone else) and I did, kept on playing along with it to my siblings and friends…

4. It creates an experience.

I think it’s a few things:

It’s about giving your kids a magical story which is WAY cool when you’re young, and also, it gives them something that they can talk about with their friends.

If a kid is unhappy with a gift given to them, they can blame “Santa”, and not their parents. Also, it is easier to convince a child that they should be grateful for a stranger gave to them, instead of their own parents. “Maybe it’s not what you wanted, but Santa delivers billions of presents to kids all over the world” will hurt less than a kid finding out their parent doesn’t even know what kind of toys they like, and buying them bad ones.

I think the experience of finding out that Santa isn’t real is a good one. Parents + adults lie, is a good thing to teach to kids, especially if they employ their own reasoning skills to understand this.

3. Because it just happens.

This is what I’ve been saying but nobody believes me. I never believed in Santa because my mom was against it (she was super angry when she found out as a kid). Still loved Santa. Children don’t care.

What is real and what isn’t doesn’t matter to children as it does to adults. They see no value in what is real, they play make-believe all the time. It’s only when you get older (to old to believe in Santa) that you start to pick on how adults differentiate between reality and fairy tales.

2. That’s beautiful.

I used to tell my son when he was little that Santa Claus was the spirit of giving.

Not a real person, in other words. A symbol.

1. Not everyone does it, though.

I was raised with no Santa. My mom did have to tell me other kids believed in him after I tried to let my best friend in on the secret. Anyway, my parents, the ever weird people that they are, and my aunt (also very weird) came up with a different magical Christmas deity, the Cosmic Christmas Jellyfish, when I was four. I’ll explain the CCJ below because Santa probably would have been better.

The Cosmic Christmas Jellyfish (CCJ for short) live deep below the ocean and sometimes comes out and flies in the sky leaving a colorful goo in his wake that some people mistake for the Northern Lights. He is a giant, colorful, magical flying jellyfish. To receive presents on Christmas you must do as follows: 1. Clean your room 2. Leave a pistachio offering out for him 3. Be asleep. If all of those things are done he will eat the pistachios and poop out your presents. If they are not, however, he will rip you limb from limb, eviscerate you, and leave your guts strewn about your room to be discovered in the morning. I had a weird childhood

I was honestly a bit torn on the whole Santa thing when I became a parent, but it just kind of happens, and you know what?

Magic is hard to come by in life. I say let the kids hang onto it for as long as they’d like.

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A Non-American Wants to Know Why American Parents Kick Their Kids Out at the Age of 18

Let me just say that, as an American, I know plenty of people who were welcome to live at home into their twenties, as long as they were contributing and had a job and all of that.

This stereotype could be the result of American movies, but I’m also sure there are parents out there who feel like 18 years is the commitment they made, and that’s it.

This person is curious why kicking a kid out at 18 became a thing, and Redditors are doing their best to dig out the truth.

Why is it acceptable for a lot of Americans to kick their kids out of home as soon as they turn 18? from NoStupidQuestions

Or at least, the truth as they see it.

Let’s take a look!

15. It depends on the kid.

It also depends on what the kid is doing.

My cousin’s son dropped out of college at 19 to come home and play WOW in the basement 24/7. Refused to get a job, go back to school, volunteer.

After a few months we did an intervention. Said he was free to play video games all day and night, just not at my cousin’s house.

Could go on social assistance, get an apt with friends, whatever, just not stay where he was.

Gave him a three month deadline, by which time he had started going to the gym and had found a college diploma course he liked and headed back to school.

He graduated and is doing great now, has his own apt in another city and a nice girlfriend.

14. It’s a holdover from another time.

I’m 30 now so it’s been a while, but at least when I was a kid it was just a holdover from a time when it was more doable. I come from a blue collar family that never had a college graduate before my generation so nobody ever had debt to worry about, we lived in the rural Midwest where decent-to-high paying jobs in manufacturing and construction were easy to come by, housing in general was cheap, it was all in all just much easier to do when my parents were that age and even easier for my grandparents (all of whom also got married at that age).

The difference with me is that my little farming town absolutely f**king boomed in population when I was growing up, and it coincided perfectly with the manufacturing jobs getting shipped out of town and the financial crash happening right as I graduated high school. I grew up expecting to leave when I was 18 but luckily my mom saw the writing on the wall and knew it wouldn’t be possible by the time I was that age, so she let me stay as long as I was working.

A lot of people in my area specifically (formerly rural, now suburban Midwest) weren’t so lucky, and had way less flexible parents who basically told them to suck it up because it was easy for them so logically it’ll be easy for you too.

So I can’t speak for America as a whole, but while it’s really not nearly as common as it used to be, when it happens in mostly white areas that used to be pretty small, it’s because it used to be easy thirty years ago and some people simply aren’t willing to recognize how different the world is and just shove their kids off to “be an adult” before they have any reasonable chance of being self sufficient.

13. Some families would never.

This only happens in families that already have other underlying issues. If you and your parents get along there is a pretty high likelyhood you are sticking around for a while. If you don’t want to get a job, dropped out of high school, and don’t help out around the house then maybe yeah they will look at giving you a kick in the pants.

A recent study found that 52% of people age 18-29 still live with their parents. This is the highest since the great depression. High cost of rent and student loans are a main contributing factor

12. They expect you to figure it out.

As a 30 something rural Midwesterner it was super common for pretty much everyone I knew. You had a few months after graduation to figure out how to get out. It was less common for kids to focus on only school or getting into college so most people I knew worked throughout high school.

Apartments were dirt cheap so you could actually afford them on minimum wage, this is so obviously not true in most places. I moved out when I was 17 because I wanted the freedom to just do whatever I wanted.

So basically agreeing, anyone could get a job at a factory so there was no reason you wouldn’t be able to support yourself at 18 (in the mind of adults). Everyone just kind of ignored that we were all total morons at that age.

11. A sad sort of story.

My dad flat out said he wanted me gone by 18 and that if I went to college I wasn’t coming back. He would have emancipated me sooner, but my mom didn’t want me to leave. Over time I’ve become convinced my dad never wanted kids especially me.

They were high school sweethearts and my mom got pregnant with my older sister when my dad was in college and at that time they had to get married. Then they had me (another girl) 4 yrs later.

Looking back on my childhood, and some key conversations with my dad and sister, him trying to emancipate me and telling me that by going to college I was on my own after that, was his way off ending his parental responsibilities toward a child he never really wanted.

10. Bootstraps and all of that.

It’s also part of our cult of rugged individualism, and connected with the myth of the nuclear family.

The idea is that once you’re an adult, you’re own your own and need to make your own way in the world.

We value the story of 18 year old struggling for years in crappy jobs and crappy apartments and rooms for rent, using their labor to one day get just enough money to buy a house and repeat the cycle.

This is especially outdated as this cycle is particularly bad at developing actual capital needed to participate in capitalism.

This also goes counter to how most people who actually succeed do it. They have a big support network that they use for debt free college, unpaid internships, and/or capital they use to start businesses.

As you note, older working class folks (boomers) think “I made it” and did not realize how anomalous their experience was. American growth was off the chart and companies were desperate for people. Now, people are just expenses and resources to be exploited. Oh, and if you don’t like it they will move your job to a country where the workers are more desperate or just automate your job away.

9. A bygone era (hopefully).

Hijacking this comment to note that this particular brand of a**holery is most prominent in the boomer “Me” generation. Most children of the Me generation are X-ers.

Post-Watergate (1974), young Americans began to receive a clear message that hedonism, narcissism, and greed were not merely acceptable traits. They were desired traits.

Here’s the general message:

“Do coke. Make money. Smoke weed. Jazzercize! Drink. If you have kids, just leave them at home to raise themselves starting at about seven. Make money. Eat more sugar, buy luxury goods, do more drugs. PTA Meetings! When you kid starts smoking weed at 14, send him to rehab. Don’t make him do his homework: it didn’t help you. He should be making money. And at 18, that f**ker can kick rocks, because now it’s time to retire at 53 with a giant pension and cruise the States in a 50-foot RV. Leave nothing to your children.”

8. Holding onto tradition.

The time period where it was relatively easy to move out at that age lasted long enough for it to become tradition. Basically the idea took hold that young adults moving out was a sign they are independent and mature enough to be on their own, which for parents was a sign of success. If your kid couldn’t move out then it was a sign you failed as a parent. Or that the parents were “coddling” their kids rather than raising someone that could cut it in the real world. Small rural towns placed high cultural value on self sufficiency, with dependence on others as a sign of weakness.

Of course in reality was that moving out was easier then for factors completely outside of the kids’ control. A region having a large demand for labor that doesn’t require much training is a matter of global market forces and level of automation. But if it feels like this is the way it’s always been, then it’s easy for people to only focus on their small town and assume it always will be this way, with no concept of globalization of markets and automation of physical tasks.

Honestly the “make america great again” slogan for some people translates to “make the manual labor jobs reappear so my community’s way of life can remain unchanged and I don’t have to confront how complex the world is”. And the fact that there is no easy way to just “put the jobs back” doesn’t register because they don’t want that to be true.

7. The times are changing.

Adult children living at home has been going up since the millennial generation, it’s the highest it’s been in 60 years

6. It’s a double-standard.

My ex boyfriend’s take on this was that he would have paid for them to live at his house up to 16 (get a job at 16 and pay rent) then kick them out as soon as they graduate. He said because at 18 they are an adult and all adults should take care of themselves.

Now he had crippling back pain and wouldn’t get out of bed for days, expecting others to wait on him. Its a back-a$swards thing that people do…

5. Are we so different?

What’s this compared to European countries? My theory is that the reason it’s been so low before was that America is pretty empty so rent/owning a house has been cheap, and now it’s getting to the point where anywhere near cities is too built up to do the same now.

Europe (and Asia I think) has always been like this and the idea of staying with your family, usually because it’s cheaper (and also looking after family)

4. It’s not everyone.

I’m 27 and my dad keeps on asking me to stay. “our strength is in our numbers” he has always said.

3. Extenuating circumstances.

In our circumstance, we said to our 18 year old son, “You can’t have your girlfriend over to our house while we’re at work and have loud s^x with her while your little sister is home. Give your sister some money and send her to the park for an hour, take her to her grandparents’ house, SOMETHING. This is not okay.”

“Junior, we told you not to do this. Your girlfriend’s moaning and wailing is embarrassing and upsetting. Stop it. This is our house, these are our rules: no loud s^x while your sister’s home. Go to your girlfriend’s house. Get a hotel room.”

“Junior, if you do this one more time, we’re going to kick you out, we’re serious. This is not your house, you pay no rent. We decide what goes on in our house, and this loud moaning and s^x talk cannot go on while your little sister’s home. If you disrespect us and your sister again, you’re out. Do you understand?”

He left us no choice.

Well, she did, really. All she had to do was be quiet, for Christ’s sake.

2. A setup for failure.

My grandmother kicked me out when I was 19. I was working at taco bell for. 7.25 an hour. Gave me 3 months to save up and move out. Kinda impossible making that little. Plus I had to pay for school out of pocket.

Slept outside for 2 days. Called crying asking to come back. She said nah, it’s time you learn how to be a man.

And I never went back. Maybe cause I didn’t talk to her lot or interact socially, But I still think it was f**ked up. Roadmap for failure in the future.

1. Parsing words.

A bit of context you’re missing is that in America, it is/was expected that you move out when you’re 18.

This is a bit of an artifact from a couple decades ago. But the idea was, nobody wanted to stay at home after 18. You turned 18, you were done with school, you could get a job and your own place, have some freedom, live your life.

Compare and contrast to some cultures where you’re expected to live with your parents until you get married. That idea is stifling to many Americans.

Now, all that is different than being kicked out at 18. But that’s the context. Now take a family that has issues, parents who are struggling or abusive in some way, they’ll go “you’re 18, this is America. Get out!”

I kind of love these discussions, I’m not gonna lie.

Did your parents kick you out at 18? Did they have another deal with you? Tell us your experience in the comments!

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A Guy Wondered Why We Say Things Like “Last Night” But Not “Last Morning.”

No one would argue that English is a rough language to learn and to speak, and even those of us who grew up speaking it often have questions about why things are the way that they are.

For instance, why do we say “last night” but not “last morning?”

Why do we say “yesterday morning” but not “yesterday night?”

Why do we say "last night," but not "last morning," and "yesterday morning," but not "yesterday night?" from NoStupidQuestions

If you’re curious, well, read on – these 13 people have some thoughts.

13. Are you time traveling.

I absolutely say Yesternight.

12. That makes sense.

Night would be the last part of the day, so you could say it any time today and it would be correct in its meaning of yesterday night.

Last morning would only be able to be said in the morning, because if you said last morning in the evening, it’d be today’s morning.

11. We like it that way.

Collocations. Basically, those words are just usually grouped together that way and anything else sounds weird.

10. To get specific.

Yesterday is a specific day you’re referencing. Last is just referencing the most recently past, which could be today.

Also, I’ve said yesterday night before. It’s not that weird.

Thinking about it, I tend to use yesterday night when speaking about yesterday night while it is currently night, but if it’s morning or day time, I’ll say last night.

9. As long as you’re consistent.

I’ve met a few Indian folks who say: “yesterday morning”, “tomorrow morning”, and “today morning”, which just sounds weird, but is perfectly consistent.

8. Some people just love to complicate things.

To add to this… yesterday night just sounds awkward. If anything, it should be yesternight.

7. It won’t work every day.

Yester-day ie the day before, therefore last night makes sense.

6. Also a rough one.

How about “this weekend?” I always feel the need to specify past or coming.

5. There’s always gotta be one.

From now on, I’m adding the following words to my vocabulary: “yesternight,” “yestermorn,” “yesterforenoon,” “yesterafternoon,” and “yesterevening.”

4. Maybe we should say it?

Yesterday night doesn’t really sound that incorrect to me??

3. We’re lazy.

“Yesterday night” I suspect isn’t common because it’s a mouthful and has the words “day” and “night” together which is confusing as you have to work out for a moment if it’s day or night you’re talking about.

We tend to use “yesterday morning” because if it’s the afternoon then “last morning” could be confused with THAT morning (as it’s technically the last morning) rather than the morning before which was “yesterday” and therefore “yesterday morning”.

2. Strictly speaking.

It’s weird, some people think it’s normal English and wouldn’t notice if someone else used it, but to others, it sounds totally foreign.

Per Wiktionary:

Last night occurs about 1,000 times more often than yesterday night in the US, UK, Canada, and Australia, Last night occurs about 100 times more often than yesterday night in Singapore, India, and South Africa.
Strictly speaking, it is grammatically correct. And it is used throughout the English speaking world, just much less than “last night”. So technically, it is correct English.

Anecdotally, I think people who are either not native speakers of English, or are native speakers but grew up around people who did not speak English, are more likely to use “yesterday night”. I definitely hear white Americans use it sometimes, though.

1. It’s confusing.

When you use last morning does the last reference the morning of the same day or the morning of the last day?

Technically last should be in reference to only the morning part so as long as it is afternoon the last should 100% reference the same day. However a lot of times when talking about something that modifies days we let the time modify day as well. For instance I might say “this morning” even though it is 2 pm. I think we recognize the ambiguity naturally and instead use yesterday since that tells us what day we are talking about out right and we have this for today anyway.

Last night doesn’t have this problem however since the last night always crosses the day time frame.

I will add one other thing as an aside, yesterday will reference day + night if there isn’t a time frame but most people don’t generally picture night time as an option. Which is why I don’t think you hear yesterday night, though yesternight sounds fine but old timey.

I really loved delving into this one!

What are your thoughts? What are the language things that stump you?

Share in the comments!

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A Black Woman Asks Why Black Men Give Her Trouble About a Preference for White Men

Life can get be tricky, and we all have tough questions about the way the world works – at at least, how it can seem to look from our points of view.

When it comes to dating, it’s best if people mind their own business. That said, it doesn’t always happen.

I’m a black girl who mostly dates white guys. Why do black men get upset when they see me out with a white man? I see black men with white women all the time and I don’t think anything of it. from NoStupidQuestions

This Black woman prefers to date white men, but feels as if she’s being judged by Black men about her choices. She’s curious why – and these 15 people are willing to weigh in.

15. It’s not everyone.

I’m a walking talking white stereotype. My black wife and I are very happy. Our respective families love us very much and have long since moved past any prejudice that might have existed.

Don’t ever disqualify yourself from asking out someone you like. They might be worrying about the same thing.

14. It’s all about control.

To be honest, I think it’s about some weird sense of ownership – almost like a tribe mentality that’s gone off the rails into something dark. And that can sometimes get tied in with a depressing sense of inferiority that’s been placed on black people for centuries.

For reference, I’m a black woman who’s married to a white man. Before we were together, I mostly dated white guys.

In my experience, the only people who’ve ever had a problem with that have fallen into two categories: racist white people who think I’m garbage and want me to stay with “my kind” instead of bringing down my partner’s station in life (as an in-law so eloquently stated to me once). Or racist black people who think I’m acting like I think I’m “too good” for black men.

Of the latter, I find it’s often black guys but it’s also some black women. I think their explanations for it come from a really dark and depressing place that reflects the history of race in America. I’ve had some tell me I should only be with black men because so many white people already see black people as less desirable. So that in my choosing to be with someone else, I’m discriminating against my own people.

Another argument I’ve heard is that white men have historically taken advantage of others and often in the form of forced marriage or sexual assault with women of other cultures. I had some jerk who was trying to pick me up at a bar tell me I was making a mistake by allowing a white man to “claim” me. That gross interaction has stayed with me all this time later because I sat there looking a brother in the eyes and having him degrade me like that just because I wasn’t going to sleep with him.

The whole idea doesn’t make sense. But from what I can understand, the people who are loudest about this have some really rough feelings about race and have internalized them instead of trying to work out their own prejudices and enlightening themselves. It’s sort of like a racism towards white people that internalized into a devaluing of self. If that makes sense.

These are such sad ways to look at life. Because it just creates more prejudice and implies that as black women, we’re still not free to make our own choices. Only in this context, it’s “our people” trying to own us.

13. History.

I’m just like you my dear. I’m a black girl and I date outside my race.

For some black men, a white woman is like the ultimate prize, even though they want you to only be with black men. A lot of black see white women as a trophy, like once they come up, it’s all about white women and that’s terrible as well.

I have my own feelings about that considering the history of it all, but we like what we like.

12. Try to be happy.

Crazy how hard it is to find someone who shares your beliefs and values, is willing to grow with you through the ups and downs, and ultimately tries to better both of your lives and there are people whose reaction is “yea but…different color”

Just be happy. You shouldn’t have to bear the burden of other people’s poor experiences.

11. It takes time to change.

The answer to this is because white woman since slavery have been seen as socially more valuable than black women.

It’s the same thing as why white men are the most preferred statically in interracial dating they’re seen as the wealthiest and most powerful. Also self hate is a thing.

10. A human issue.

I think it’s more jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, and prejudice coupled with tribalism than a subconscious/primal view of relationships as the man “owning” the woman. Reacting poorly to our feelings and experiences is something all people need deal with.

I believe the reason you are stumped is because you are looking at this as a sex issue when it is a human issue. While men tend to be more comfortable with open/public acts of aggression, I’ve seen numerous women attack other women for simply talking to “their man” or more often attack “their man” for associating with other women.

Regardless of the reason anyone may ascribe as to why people act this way I think we can agree that it is, as most human interaction is, a complex multi-faceted issue.

9. Maybe they don’t know the reason.

I’m white and my wife is black and we have two mixed boys. My sister in law only dates white guys as well. I have been called names, threatened and she has been treated poorly by her own race because of it. The people doing it never give a reason but not once in 5 years has a white person ever said anything negative. My family welcomed her with open arms and her family wants nothing to do with her.

People of her own race constantly say things like “you talk like a white person” and “you act like a white person” and she explains it a certain way, which I am honestly scared to type out because I’m scared people will call me a racist. But here is what MY WIFE WHO IS BLACK says about what is happening to her (as well as this is echoed by her sister)

They don’t date black men because of how they view that they treat women. They date white people because in their eyes white people are overall less racist than black males. They both view white men as less violent and more trusting. She has been called a race traitor more than once.

Now (I’m not bragging here) My wife and her sister are extremely attractive and her brother has told them that you can’t “ruin” the race by taking good genes and giving them to the “white race”.

This might be completely unbelievable but I was with my wife on a bus in New Haven and we were holding hands, this is when we were dating. I was the only white person on the bus and this lady, who had to be in her 40’s, started to nudge the back of my legs (I was standing and she was sitting) and calling me a cracker and calling her an Uncle Tom type. Most of the people on the bus got in on it and I was ripped apart and so was she. We stood and said nothing and then they told me when we got off the bus they were going to stab me. The bus driver pretended not to hear it but was on the phone with 911 and had them meet us at the stop at the mall. I was lucky.

I’m sorry that in this day and age anyone cares who anyone is with. Our two boys are soooo handsome. Mixed children have beautiful skin tone. My wife isn’t black she’s just, her. You’re not black, you are whoever you are. Skin color doesn’t matter what matters is what is inside you. Love who you love and damn anyone tells you different. No matter their skin color.

8. Try to show them love.

White South African here. I was brought up to understand that interracial relationships and gay relationships was wrong, and against the will of God. It took me a long time to overcome my indoctrination but I think I’ve figured it out.

If you find love that is real…embrace it. Do not judge a person by the color of hisher skin, but by his/her words, and his /her actions. Accept different cultures, but question their believes if it restricts your freedom.

Don’t rely on some elusive God to grant your wishes. Seek strength within yourself to overcome. This is our greatest gift, to be independent. Try to extend your love your idiot neighbours.

7. It’s all about family.

I am a white guy married to a black woman. We’re in the UK and in London, so probably not quite as racist as some parts of the UK (or indeed parts of the US).

However, the only racism I have encountered is from black guys, towards me mainly.

I’ll get teeth being sucked at me when we’re out holding hands, and I get the stink eye from black guys frequently.

My wife, bless her, doesn’t notice 90% of it.

However, I do and my punching hand itches.

The worst was when we’re out and about in Brixton and I nearly got in a fight… it would not have ended well for me…

I’ve never had any hassle from white guys, although maybe I just don’t notice it!

I love her family, they love me and my family love her and our kids.

6. Sad and twisted indeed.

I’m a white Aussie and I think the first time I realized this was a thing, and not uncommon was when I saw Get Out. It’s such a sad, twisted little quirk. Just baffles me people can be so hateful. The sad thing is, I suppose I can sorta see why some people might think along these lines.

America has had such… horrible times in their history (sadly even now at times). Not that it’s unique to the US. But I can see why some people might be uncomfortable with some things considering some shit that’s happened.

Not that it justifies anything. It’s a sad thing all round.

5. It could be a competition.

Alright I am a half black guy who looks far more black than white and I think I might have some real answers. To preface, many of the black ladies in my life have dated white men and I’m totally fine with it.

In my experience when some black men date white women they kind of see it as stealing from the white men. Obviously this isn’t always the case, but I think the guys who get upset over black women dating white men are subconsciously or consciously viewing the whole situation as a racial competition among men. They think when a black guy dates a white girl he’s overcoming centuries of history, but if the roles are reversed it’s just white domination continuing.

Again, I really really really don’t believe in that kind of thought. If you really care about somebody or just find them attractive, go for it.

4. Tribalism.

Jealousy, racism and an ‘us and them’ mentality.

3. The simplest explanation is usually correct.

Racism.

2. She’s not alone in her experience.

I just talked about this with a biracial girl who posted that the black side of her family got upset when she dated white guys. I feel like I see white girls with black his all the time but not the other way around.

So much so that if I’m attracted to a black girl I’m unlikely to express interest because I feel like black girls aren’t interested in white guys. She felt that that was generally how her black friends and family felt.

I don’t understand the double standard either.

1. Sexist and racist.

It seems to be a fairly common sexist thing.

Plenty of white dudes get angry when they see white women with black or Asian guys, even if they themselves only date black or Asian women.

It doesn’t really make sense.

I appreciate the conversation that’s happening here.

If you have something to add, drop your thoughts in the comments!

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“If Most People Think of Chefs as Male, Why Is Cooking at Home Thought of as Woman’s Work?” Here’s How People Responded.

Stereotypes are strange and misogyny is nothing if not insidious. There’s no reason for people to associate the job of “chef” with “man” these days, but I would venture to say that most people probably do.

There’s less reason for cooking at home to be seen as something women do, but ask the majority of two-person households out there who cooks most nights.

This guy wants to know why those two stereotypes co-exist and honestly, I’m pretty interested in these 15 answers, myself.

Why is it that being a chef is a male stereotype but cooking at home is a female stereotype? I don’t get it? from NoStupidQuestions

Let’s take a look…

15. Men would like change, too.

If given the chance to have a stay at home husband look after the kids, I’d imagine many more women would go on to have professional careers in the arts.

But that’s more of a cultural shift that would be needed I feel, maybe in the future it will shift more

14. It’s all about the money.

Because cooking at home doesn’t pay!

For example knitting used to be a sole male profession back then since it was highly paid. As machines were introduced in the industry the pay plummeted and guess what? It became a female craft.

That’s how society traditionally worked for ages. What is profitable is man’s work and women work for nothing or little pay.

13. Time to change the default.

It’s like that for many things.

Gardening and flowers are girly but landscaping and top experts in the field are men.

Fashion is girly but top fashion designers are men (Gucci, Ralph Lauren).

Child rearing is for women but top childcare experts are men (dr. Gerber, Dr. Sears).

I think it goes back to when women didn’t work so all the professionals in every field were men out of default.

12. That’s not right.

This goes with a lot of professions. Teachers vs professors, nurses vs doctors.

Also interesting observation: once women started becoming secretaries, the profession started getting paid way less and being taken less seriously. Same with teachers.

11. Nailed it.

One is a position of power, one is a position of servitude.

10. Chefs vs. cooks.

other answers here are pretty simplistic so basically:

women were the primary cooks up until the concept of going to a place specifically to eat a quality meal (i.e., a restaurant) became popular. remember that the concept of restaurants (as we know it today) didn’t really exist until the late 18th century.

once people realized that this was a potentially lucrative business, women were pushed out. and, in many places, women were not allowed to hold property or control their own money (there were exceptions to this but usually only for already upper class women). therefore, there was no real way for women to wrench this business back from men. the label of “chef” helped the men distance themselves from what was otherwise considered domestic work ,or “women’s work”. women were “cooks” in the home, men were “chefs” in business.

this distinction has only recently began to go away.

tl;dr: the advent of the modern restaurant forced women out of their traditional work because of the opportunity for men to make money. those men became “chefs”, and the women stayed “cooks”. only now just starting to shift.

9. The only answer we need, really.

Sexism bro.

The patriarchy is one hell of a drug.

8. It’s not for family.

Cooking at home is associated with caregiving. You care for your kids, partners, etc.

Cooking in a restaurant is associated with making money, and is well known to be a high stress environment.

Caregiving stereotypes are directed at women, while men’s stereotypes surrounding being a breadwinner and dealing better with stress.

7. That about sums it up.

Women are expected to be able to cook because it’s their duty to their families.

Chefs are supposed to be artists, something traditionally male oriented. It’s a career.

It’s stupid.

6. Men don’t do chores.

I assume it’s because home cooking is seen as more of a chore, and being the head of a prestigious restaurant is a respected profession.

Back in the day people used to believe women shouldn’t work, but should instead be taking care of the home while the men went off to work.

5. But it doesn’t have to be true.

It’s a stereotype because it’s true. According to the first Google result I lazily pulled up whole searching “percentage of female chefs”, only 18.7% of chefs and executive chefs were female in 2012. That’s four out of five chefs being male, a huge discrepancy.

Why? That’s more speculative, but being a chef is a very different skill-set to being good at cooking. I love cooking at home (I’m female), but would loathe running a commercial kitchen. Because the cooking’s only part of it, and the rest is managing staff, running a physically demanding, high-pressure, competitive, somewhat physically dangerous job with write an aggressive culture (lots of shouting, swearing and general motivation-by-abuse) with hours that don’t mesh well with having a family life. I imagine it psychologically appeals to men more than women on average, just by the nature of the beast. And that’s OK.

As for cooking at home being a female-dominated activity, 70% of women cooked a home in 2018 as opposed to 46% of men (again, first result of low-effort googling). So the stereotype is less accurate – men cooking at home is on the rise – but still not entirely wrong.

The reason for that is probably historical – throughout history women tended to stay around the house more, taking care of the children, while the men worked inside or outside the home at a more specialised task (being a cobbler, lawyer, blacksmith or what-have you). It just makes sense that the person who was in proximity to the kitchen, and had the time to prepare food, would do it.

And in many cases, historically, it wasn’t a simple as home cook vs chef. Farming women would often earn money though food preparation, making cheeses and preserves to sell, winning prizes for their signature dishes at the county fair, or taking in boarders.

As women entered the workforce the idea that a wife ‘should’ cook has persisted, even when it makes little sense because she’s out of the house as much as her husband. But that’s changing, and fairly rapidly, these days – although it’s worth mentioning that even working women generally work fewer hours than working men, on average.

4. Because more women stay home.

Women traditionally stay at home, hence being a home cook. men traditionally get a profession, and being a chef is a well paying profession. edit now that this got big: i should have worded it better.

It pays well for the type of profession it is.

It’s a profession that a lot of people love doing. for example, being a plumber pays better but nobody wakes up in the morning happy to be plumbing, ya know.

3. It’s all in the gender roles.

Read that somewhere, gist was: because the cooking are different roles here, at home it’s the serving (the family/husband) in a restaurant that role is the server (which is stereotypical the female part in a restaurant) while the chef (cooking) is the leader in a kitchen/restaurant.

2. Who has the power?

This is a pattern across many different art forms.

More girls than boys take art, music, theater, etc in school, but more men than women become professional artists, musicians, broadway actors, etc.

As others have said, it comes from gendered power structures.

1. Not all men are chefs.

I’m going to replace the word “chef” with “cook” to answer part of this question.

The majority of cooks, myself included, come from rough or self-destructive backgrounds. Addicts, alcoholics, convicts, etc. The majority of these cooks are male; not entirely sure why, but I like to think that its a community that is more welcoming to those who have been through the same shit and are just trying to get through life while females in the same boat tend to have other options. Also, the background check to be a cook is almost non-existent. Statistically there are a lot more men with criminal records than women. A lot of these cooks do fall in love with it and end up going on to become chefs with a good salary instead of living paycheck to paycheck.

That’s just my guess though.

As far as women in the kitchen at home: 1950’s TV and years and years of women being told “you don’t need to work, stay at home and raise the kids and make dinner” is my best guess.

We need to stop all stereotyping! Root it out in yourselves, people – that’s the best place to start.

If you’re a man who likes to cook, tell us in the comments whether anyone in your life thinks it’s strange, or gives you a hard time.

The post “If Most People Think of Chefs as Male, Why Is Cooking at Home Thought of as Woman’s Work?” Here’s How People Responded. appeared first on UberFacts.