People Break Down The Most Savage Backhanded Compliments They’ve Ever Heard

We are, to our knowledge, the only species on earth that uses complex language and as such the only species on the planet that uses insults.

Can’t really go around just insulting everyone who gets on our nerves though, so we developed a work-around that saves face while also taunting someone else.

According to Idioms.online people have been using backhanded (or left-handed) compliments since the late 1800’s.

Good to know we’re a consistent species.

Some people just want to use a compliment to get past the defenses we naturally erect around ourselves. Others just want to be mean.

Of course, not every suspect compliment comes from a negative place—often it’s just a matter of poor word choice or bad timing.

Complimenting someone’s hair just after they failed to get it the way they wanted it can hit a bad nerve real fast. No, we don’t speak from experience, why would you think that?

There are times, though, when a compliment working double-duty as an insult is the only way to get someone’s attention—to call attention to poor behavior for example.

Redditor cybersans wanted to see the best ones, so he asked Reddit:

“What’s a compliment but an insult at the same time?”

Age comes for us all?

“You must have been beautiful when you were young” ~905marianne

“You look good for your age.” ~ superspud0408

Judging people by their looks is always complimentary, right?

“You’re actually not as dumb as you might appear” ~ TrumpHairedHarambe

“You’re beautiful in your own way.” ~ CIoud_Wolf

“You’re much prettier in person.” ~ plutoforprez

And…

“You move well for someone of your size. ~ ReesieVA

“You don’t sweat much for a fat lass.” ~ Novack_and_good

Also…

“Wow you’re so brave going out in public like that! I would’t be able to do that if Iooked like that, I am not strong like you!” ~ oursider

Not wrong.

“You clearly don’t care about what the haters say” ~ Helpful-Meringue-735

“A girl I used to work with looked at me one day and said, ‘I love how you’re not embarrassed by your laugh’.” ~ Redditor

Timing is everything.

“This happened to me! I’m very slim.”

“One day I was about to hook up with a guy and we were getting undressed when he started giving me tips on what I should eat to put on weight.”

“When he saw my reaction, he tried to dig himself out of the hole by saying ‘don’t worry, I like you for your personality’.”

“He was so surprised when I put my clothes back on and asked him to leave!”

“He later texted me he was just trying to be nice and wanted to give me advice about my diet because he works as a fitness trainer and knows a lot about nutrition ?.”

“He also said I was too sensitive ?” ~ Economy-Vanilla-967

Nothing beats the south for polite insults.

” ‘Bless your heart’.”

“The ultimate Southern compliment and insult in one package.”~ GALINDO_Karl1

There’s nothing wrong with comfort.

“Your clothes look comfortable.” ~ observantpariah

Some people got into the meaning behind the “compliment.” 

I just got a Master’s degree in Physics.”

“I wear makeup when I go out and dress cute girly.”

“A lot of people tell me that they couldn’t believe I was doing physics. ‘Oh, you’ve got beauty and brains’ They basically mean two things:”

“People who do STEM subjects are supposed to look bland and unattractive.”

“They assumed I must be dumb just because I look girly/feminine.”

“Ugh!” ~sriracha_97

Others were confused. 

“ ‘You look so pretty for a lesbian!’ ”

“The f*ck is that supposed to mean?“~introverted_lesbian

Sometimes, it’s not the words but the context.

“‘Ohh, you’re/she’s/he’s very pretty’ when someone is doing/saying something stupid” ~ Impenetrabletoad

Fashion is the highest form of bravery.

“You’re brave for wearing that.” ~ Big-Ambitions-8258

What would a compliment be without casual racism?

” ‘you’re pretty for a black girl’ “ ~ chivalrousninjaz

I guess she’s supposed to say thank you?

“You know, you aren’t the type of girl I usually go for”~ Kritisk_

“Wow, you really clean up nice.” ~ cactusbishh

Subverting expectations often leads to some poor word choices. 

“Lol, this reminds me of a conversation with a coworker I once had.”

“He’s a real muscle-head and is always hitting the gym, whereas I’m the opposite.”

“I’m average height and was just under 300lbs(at that time).”

“Somehow we got to talking about weight, can’t remember what his was but he was shocked at mine!”

“His words after hearing I was close to 300lbs….”B*llsh*t! I’ve never seen a 300 pound person move like that!”. I couldn’t help but laugh.”

“The thing is, he’d seen me casually hop off 4-5 foot high loading decks with ease.”

“And I never had much issues keeping up with him.”

“Since then I’ve started working on my weight (totally unrelated to this exchange) and have lost about 50 lbs. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.” ~ RedBeardedMex

It would’ve been fine if they’d just stopped talking.

“An old ‘friend’ once said to me ‘your hair looks nice…for once’ “

“I cut her out a few months later for being a shitty person” ~ theginger_buffalo

“You’re really cool. Not at all how I thought you’d be when I first met you.” ~ leese216

Several Redditors even provided a handy template.

“Anything that goes by the standard:”

“You are [insert compliment] but you are also [insert insult]. Should do the trick” ~ YikesMaAssFellOff

“You’re *insert a compliment* for a *insert race*” ~ BastardousHuman

“Phrases like ‘with all due respect’.” ~ Prestigious_Skill_20

Backhanded compliments are often a way for people to save face while also putting another person down.

Of course, the compliment isn’t always meant as a sly insult, sometimes the words just come out wrong, or the meaning gets lost along the way.

Always be aware of what you’re saying to the people you care about, but also be mindful of the way in which you say it.

Compliments can do wonders for someone’s self-image or as a way to pick up their day – but a misspoken word or some hesitation in the wrong place can do just as much damage.

A turn of a phrase can move someone to excitement or dash their hopes.

The proper phrasing can ease someone’s mind or cause them to panic.

Here’s the Real Difference Between Dating Men and Women – From the People Who Know

If you look up early uses of the word “bisexual,” they’re not quite what you think. It’s mostly references to the reproductive methods of plants, which isn’t nearly as interesting to most of us as the modern connotation, and the questions many of us have about it. Questions like this:

Bisexual people who have dated both genders, what are some notable differences you’ve learned about dating both women and men? from AskReddit

So, what’s the deal? The bisexual folks of Reddit tell all. (Most posters went out of their way to clarify that these are their own subjective opinions based on personal experiences and shouldn’t be read as generalizations for everybody in the world.)

1. A difference in communication.

Both genders are bad at communicating, but in completely different ways.

Men are more likely to not tell you information that would be important to you simply because they don’t deem it important. They gave you the important information. If you can’t understand it, then you’re either trying to complicate the issue or you’re not listening to them.

Women are more likely to not tell you information important to them because they see it as obvious. If they have to tell you the issue, then you’re not paying attention to them and the issue at hand or you’re not as invested in the relationship as they are.

– Twilcario

2. Suckers for cuddles.

Bisexual lady here.

Men have a tendency to assume that you’re looking for a more ‘serious’ relationship than they are, even if you explicitly say otherwise. And are suckers for cuddles.

Women like kissing more.

– astudyinbowie

3. A sense for danger.

So, what I can say is that after having four boyfriends, my ability to identify and avoid dangerous men was vastly improved, and my ability to identify and avoid dangerous women was . . . apparently not particularly improved at all.

I was very attuned to red flags involving sexism and completely unprepared for the fact that a woman who majored in Women’s Studies could perfectly well destroy years or decades of my life with no sexism necessary at all.

– queerbychoice

4. All about that baggage.

One thing I noticed back when I was dating was that women have a lot more baggage when it comes to physical intimacy. Women go through alot, they have tons of pressures put on them, many have had negative sexual experiences. It’s, well, just more complicated.

The guys I dated were frankly much more direct and more simplistic about it. I’m not saying either of these descriptions apply to all women or men, but that was my experience. With guys it was like ‘hey, wanna make out?’ and just sort of that simple.

– haroldtitus425

5. Identity acceptance.

When dating a man, he is very ok with me being bisexual. When dating a woman, it constantly comes up that I’m “actually straight” or “just going to leave [her] for a guy.” It is really annoying to have someone try to completely invalidate your feelings for them because of your dating history.

Yes, I’ve dated more men…I didn’t realize until I had been dating for several years that dating women was a viable option.

– Mr_ImMyOwnGrandpa

6. How forward?

Bi woman here.

There’s a tendency between queer women to avoid being very forward. I’m my own personal experience it’s because I know what it’s like to be pursued relentlessly (typically by men) and don’t want to become that person myself. Other women want to avoid the “predatory lesbian” stereotype that’s been fed to us through media.

Men are more forward but I don’t think they can pick up on the way that I’m feeling as easily as women can. My last girlfriend could tell something was wrong even if I put up (what I thought was) a very good front.

Women tend to have softer skin and lips.

Men kiss deeply and aggressively.

I like both ?

– thechelator

7. Trust and biphobia.

Bi woman. The biggest one was trust/biphobia and the way the two interrelate.

While dating a woman, having close male friends has always been off the table. It seems to really threaten/make uncomfortable my girlfriend and tends to turn into a never-ending “But are you SURE you don’t have feelings for him? you’re REALLY not attracted to him?” So many lesbians genuinely hate bi women and think they’re always going to cheat or leave for a guy.

Conversely, men don’t give a d**n if I have close female friends while dating them, but are far more likely to fetishize the knowledge that I’ve had past female partners. Which is obviously really uncomfortable if done in any sort of excess.

– FinalTourist

8. Romance and monogamy.

i find men to be more romantic and more interested in monogamy. women are easier to talk to and easier to argue with and then be able to walk back from the argument sooner.

men are more forward, at least initially. two girls could have a crush on each other for ten years and never work up the nerve to mention it.

men usually want to hammer out plans towards the end of a date (for the next date) but women are usually more go with the flow lets see what happens.

oh and girls are much, much better at handling rejection and boundaries. actually, just one “much”; i’ve had incidents here and there that were pretty awful from girls, but much more often, men are really bad at rejections on like, any level.

– Far_Ad_8813

9. Grading on a curve

As a bisexual woman I find it’s easier to date het men, bi-men, and bi women. Lesbians are much more difficult to date. Not because of who they are personality wise, but it’s hard to find a lesbian who will date a bisexual woman period.

I have no idea what the stigma is but it’s there. It seems like some lesbians are certain you’ll leave them for a man or cheat on them. I’ve never cheated on anybody. Ever.

Also, they sometimes are just all around uncomfortable you find men attractive. There’s definitely bi-erasure in the LGBTQ community. I’ve had fantastic dates or discussions with lesbians and when it comes out I also liked and dated men they bail.

– Lil_Elf81

10. On guard?

Bi man here.

I’ve always found it much easier to date men because they are much more straightforward, and the fact that they already like men seems to make it easier for them to adjust to me (though there is a lot of biphobia and dismissal of my sexuality).

With women they tend to be a lot more guarded and more easily put off, simply because they are likely to be straight and the idea that I am versatile and all that makes them feel weird I guess.

And like someone said earlier, men tend to stick less to their category than women! I’m like, 6 or 7 I’d say and all kinds of men have been into me, but women who are objectively hotter than me tend to be more dismissive ?

– CallumSmith9895

11. The rundown.

Bisexual woman who’s been in a serious relationship with one straight man and three bisexual men, and has briefly dated one bisexual woman. This is just from my experience, but I’ve noticed a person’s sexuality has a decent amount of bearing on their personality too.

Straight man:
Decent dude, but I had a lot of the standard complaints straight women have about their straight male partners; aloof at times, didn’t always take interest in my interests, often spoke over me and my concerns, etc. The gender roles were more “traditional” too, at his insistence more than anything. He also held a lot back, so even if something was bothering him, he wouldn’t talk about it because he hated talking about his feelings. It was an alright relationship, but it felt very straight.

Bisexual men:
The best of both worlds, in my opinion. You get the security of a male partner (walking with them at night, having backup from creeps in public, etc), as well as the implicit understanding that comes with being with another queer person who get it. They tend to be more secure in their masculinity. One of them loved farmer’s markets, another asked me to teach him how to crochet. It’s very refreshing to be with a guy that’s openly himself. They can also get more emotional, both for better and for worse.

Bisexual woman:
She was more of the bisexual stereotype, of the “will take anything that moves” variety. She was bright, intelligent, ambitious and I really respected her work ethic, but she has no interest in settling down romantically. We’re still friends, though I keep her at arm’s length for my emotion’s sake, since I really liked her.

I’ve yet to date a lesbian (in my experience, they tend to look down on bisexual women) or a nonbinary person (not for lack of trying; I’ve pursued a few but nothing’s stuck yet), but honestly, people are people. Being bisexual’s just helped me see that in a more direct manner.

– InfernoPotatoFull

12. Dropping hints.

Women are, in my experience, way worse at communicating what they mean clearly.

They think their “hints” are clear – they aren’t (I include myself on this, for the record).

Men, on the other hand, tend to be way too blunt and terrible at nuance – it’s far more black and white and many have no idea that the tone they speak in is as important as their words.

– FuzzyRoseHat

13. On the downlow.

Bi-male here but still closeted (is that an apt term?)

All the women I came out to were cool with it, yet acknowledged the fear about cheating with men.

There’s definitely a huge difference between gay men and DL men. Gay men can be clingy and never stop talking. DL men have sex and then usually f**k off or sit and watch sports, which is great because they don’t talk too much. I’ve never truly “dated” a man so I guess my experience is limited.

– Ilfubario

14. Level up.

Bi-fem.

Women tend to be on the same level as me and just know how my mind works, even thought were both complicated in a twisted way, and they give me mega snuggles on my period.

Men take a HOT minute to half understand my brain and just give me some chocolate on my period or say “oof that sucks.”

– bubblebeanUwU

15. Come on over.

Female 20 technically Pansexual

Men will usually say: “You can come over if you want.” Women say: “I want you to come over.”

(Most) Men want to be taken literally and be straight-forward. They want their partners to know they are honest but also independent.

(Most) Women want their partners to feel wanted or needed and use that in their speaking, especially over text. They are a lot more into the small details about the relationship.

– GalacticPhoxx

You learn something new everyday.

What would you add to this conversation?

Let us know in the comments!

The post Here’s the Real Difference Between Dating Men and Women – From the People Who Know appeared first on UberFacts.

13 People Who Met Their Bullies Years Later

Bullies suck.

They all eventually grow up, but that doesn’t mean that they all stop being bullies – though some of certainly them do.

Meeting your childhood bully rarely goes like in the movies or that short story that was actually too long to be a short story, you know that one you wrote/read in your sophomore year of college that was totally just a rip-off of Pearl Jam’s Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small Town.

Anyhow, here are 13 folks who stumbled onto their old bullies years later and reported the mixed results on askreddit:

#13. Never rely on the kindness of your old nemesis.

Even though I am a college graduate, I decided to go to truck driving school for a CDL. It seemed like the perfect job for an introvert; just driving around, listening to podcasts all day.

One of my bullies in high school dropped out so he could work for his father’s truck driving business. I figured since he knew me, I’d have an advantage over all the other applicants.

Bad idea.

My bully used the interview to lord it all over the valedictorian who was now relying upon the kindness of the dropout for a job.

“You sure you’re man enough to handle a 40 ton eighteen wheeler?”

Then he lectured me on the importance of customer service. “The business owners we deliver to like to bullshit with the drivers but you wouldn’t even say ‘shit’ in high school.”

I was also notorious for napping in class back in the day. “If you couldn’t keep your head up for fifteen minutes in class, how can I trust you behind the wheel for ten hours?”

#12. “It felt really good.”

I was bullied by this mean girl all through elementary and middle school. Senior year of high school we had a mutual friend and were sitting at the same lunch table. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years and she asked me about it. She then told me that I was too good for him and he didnt deserve me.

It felt really good. No animosity towards her ever again.

#11. The really sad one.

Mine’s kinda sad. I was bullied by this kid in high school pretty often. I was small, he was big, and in his mind that was all it took to mean I was worth tormenting.

Flash forward to two years ago: It’s ten years later.

I’m successful, independent, healthy and happy. I’m working in my hometown’s ER now. We get a patient found down out in the bushes, and I’m asked to see him. It’s this dude. He’s looking kinda rough, puked on himself, covered in leaves, but still huge.

I don’t miss a beat. Vitals, line, labs, fluids, everything you would do given the situation. Hours later he’s sobering up, were talking about his situation and he stops and just stares at me mid sentence.

“Oh, I remember you now.”

Cue me thinking, “Great, thought we weren’t gonna bring this up.”

But then he went on, “Man I am so sorry for how I treated you in high school. I was a horrible person, there is no excuse. But I really want you to know I regret who I was and I’m not that person anymore.”

Well my jaw basically hit the floor. It gave me a lot of hope for people to change. I’m glad he had a chance to, but his alcohol addiction was probably now covering the same pains that caused him to be such a broken person a decade before.

Three months later he came in again as my patient, this time because he choked on his own vomit. He never woke up.

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