11 Times Birthdays Did Not Go According to Plan and Went off the Rails

Birthdays are supposed to be great celebrations! I mean, that’s when you were born… and as a kid your birthday is essentially the biggest day of the year.

But… we’re not all that lucky. Some folks get completely shafted. These Reddit users were brave enough to share their sad birthday stories with the rest of us.

1. I would be SO angry!

Last year I was unemployed at the time of my birthday.

My friends and I made plans to actually go out and do something. The day before my birthday I got called to an interview where they told me I had a job. They wanted me to start the next day. So I cancelled my plans, went out and bought some work clothes and showed up for my first day of work. When I arrived, I found that there were 6 other girls there and that we were actually being interviewed again and that we would do a day of “training”. It then came out that only 2 people would leave with jobs.

Our “training” consisted of us doing 5 hours worth of kitchen labour. At the end of the day 2 girls were chosen and everyone else walked away jobless.

I was not one of those girls and I wasted my birthday on unpaid work.

2. Super!

My Birthday is at the very end of January. So often this coincides with the Super Bowl.

16th birthday was going to be a Super Bowl party. Gave out a ton of invites, paper and verbal. Had a bunch of people say they would swing by either for the whole thing or for the first half. Blah Blah Blah.

Put out snacks, had the game on the big screen. Only had two people show up and they didn’t even come inside. They just dropped off a small cake on their way to a different Super Bowl party.

At halftime I finally gave up hope that anyone else was showing up and told my mom to put the snacks away as I was going to bed.

3. Oh, get over it

It was my 19th birthday.

I was living in the dorms, and my friends got together and decided to give me a surprise party. This included them going out of their way to not see me all day, to avoid telling me happy birthday. All of my friends ignored me for the entire day, only to call me down to one of their rooms at 11:00 PM. I was getting ready for bed, ready to put the whole crappy day behind me. Instead I have to go down there to find them all drinking. They didn’t understand why that was not exactly a fun experience.

4. Face plant

I don’t remember exactly which birthday it was, I think 9th or 10th, we were all set to go to Chuck E Cheese with some friends and their parents for my birthday.

I was out in the yard with my friends playing with skate boards until it was time to leave for the pizza party. One of my shoe laces came undone, went under the wheel of the skateboard I was riding on and it pulled me down and I face planted into the sidewalk and took a good chunk if not all of the skin off my nose. Bloodied and crying, we still went to Chuck E Cheese.

I felt so insecure with this big bloodied scar of a nose while we were out in public.

5. Get better friends

For my 19th birthday, I organized a party at a friend’s house with tons of booze and tons of snacks. My ARMY buddy whose house it was at even procured Everclear for the Jungle Juice. I invited pretty much everyone I knew and told them to invite their friends.

One friend showed up.

Six years later, I tried again. I organized a “taste tripping” party where you take these Miracle Berry tablets that change the way your tongue tastes food (sour tastes sweet). I had a bunch of different foods on a platter for people to try tasting. Again, I invited everyone I knew.

Only one friend and his girlfriend showed up.

I’ve decided to stop throwing birthday parties.

6. Broke friends

Well, it was my 18th, and my first after starting university.

Throughout high school, I was fairly well off and was usually pretty generous. I talked to all my friends and they all wanted to come until I mentioned they might have to kick in half for their dinner. All bailed except one, who got depressed and cancelled. My World of Warcraft guild got together and sent me a tray of muffins and a timecard. Its always a crappy day when the only people who even pretend to care on your birthday are people who you’ve never met in real life.

Thank you, <The Muffin Kings>, for caring.

7. Series of unfortunate events

My 20th birthday.

I woke up at 8am, went to class in the crappy cold rain. When I got there and found out class was cancelled I was pretty bummed, especially since I had no ride home for three hours.

Next my sister takes me out to lunch where we find out our grandfather has to have emergency open heart surgery. Awesome. After that mess I went to see my now ex-girlfriend at school because she refused to drive home to see me.

We go out to dinner, she doesn’t have money because she spent it all on booze earlier in the week. I have to pay for my own dinner. Next we go back to her dorm room for some birthday sexy time, but instead we have a talk and she breaks up with me.

Worst birthday I’ve ever had.

8. Well that’s sad!

My birthday usually came a week after my first report card, and I got punished as a result with either no birthday, or a “bitter birthday” with just me and my parents, who would stare at me disappointedly. Or my mother was drunk, and would forget.

My birthdays since then have been pretty good, though.

9. …I just can’t

On my 22nd birthday, my housemates girlfriend insisted we go out. She kept badgering me about it until I named a local place that was semi-expensive, I also said Chilis. She kept pushing for the more expensive place insisting it was my special day.

We got there, she looked at the menus and immediately threw a fit, complaining she couldn’t afford anything. When her boyfriend attempted to buy her meal, she declined him multiple times, and refused to share his as a compromise.

For the rest of the night we ate in silence interrupted by her complaining about hunger pangs and how anyone could afford the place she had insisted we all go to.

10. Shit rolls downhill

16th birthday, I woke up to my parents fighting.

They didn’t even remember it was my birthday. Then my best friend, who happened to be the girl I was madly in love with stopped by to tell me goodbye as she was moving to Texas with her family.

I told her I liked her before but on that day I was going to tell her how I feel and ask her out.

When I got back from saying goodbye, my dad was packing his stuff and they told me they were getting divorced.

11. Like dominos…

I was really excited for my 19th birthday.

I was going to have lunch with my girlfriend, hang out with my friends after, and end the evening with pizza at my parents home. The girlfriends mum picks me up (no car at the time because I was living with the girlfriend and paying rent) and we go down to her university and she has to pick up some books so we go to the bookstore and she kills 2 hours in lines and shopping for clothing. Not all the books were bought so we went to an off campus bookstore. Another hour or so in line. I text my friends and cancel our plans.

We then go to The Olive Garden and she spends the whole time talking to her mum about something that the mum’s most recent boyfriend did. Started chatting up the server and mentioned it was my birthday to her and SHE wished me a happy birthday. Girlfriend looked at me puzzled. She had forgotten it. It’s now 8 pm and we are driving home. I’m in the backseat and I call my parents and tell them that I’ll be home soon. There’s an accident down the road on. My parents call me and ask where I am. I tell them to eat without me. 3 hours later we are out of the traffic jam and I go to my parents home and cry.

Broke up with her a few weeks later because she was cheating on me (for months now) and I was still salty about her forgetting my birthday and ruining that day.

What did you think? Have a story that can top some of these?

You know what to do… let us know in the comments!

The post 11 Times Birthdays Did Not Go According to Plan and Went off the Rails appeared first on UberFacts.

12 Mindbenders That Might Just Mess With Your Sense of Reality

The simple definition of a paradox is this: a statement that contradicts itself or a situation which seems to defy logic.

These are all around us every day, and range from something mundane like saying “I always lie” and the complexities surrounding the idea of time travel.

If you’re into reading things that really bend your brain, I present these 12 paradoxes, designed to do just that.

12. When did it cease to be?

The Ship of Theseus always kind of fucked me. So, there’s this Greek dude called Theseus, and he’s on a very long boat trip home. His ship needs repair, they stop, replace a few rotten boards, and continue. Due to the particularily strenuous nature of this very long trip, several more of these stops for repairs are made, until, by the very end, not a single board from the original vessel remains.

Is this still the same vessel? If not, when did it cease to be?

11. Simple but not.

Pinocchio says “My nose will grow after I finish this sentence”

Does it?

10. The more traffic, the more traffic. Or something.

Braess’ paradox.

From wiki “the observation that adding one or more roads to a road network can end up impeding overall traffic flow through it. The paradox was postulated in 1968 by German mathematician Dietrich Braess, who noticed that adding a road to a particular congested road traffic network would increase overall journey time.”

9. Just stop it, people.

That “this page is intentionally left blank” page.

The page isn’t even blank anymore!

8. Triple make you crazy.

The UK ‘triple lock’ that people moving to the UK experience:

Need proof of address and photographic ID to open a bank account

Need a bank account and photographic ID to rent a place

Need a bank account and an address to get sent your photographic ID

7. The Legend of Zelda.

What about the song of storms from the legend of Zelda?

In the legend of Zelda ocarina of Time, you travel though time between child and adult by using the master sword, and doing so you can come back to certain areas to get different items from both times.

Well one song the you learn is called the song of storms and you learn it by going to the adult time and talk to a guy in a windmill. He tells you about a kid that came in 7 years ago and played a strange song and messed up the windmill and teaches it to you. After learning the song you can now go back to being a child and go to the guy in the windmill and play the song to him, despite not knowing it before as a child.

So questions are where did the song come from and who taught who the song? Did the windmill guy teach it to link or did link teach it to the windmill guy?

6. And around and around forever.

Jim is my enemy.

But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy.

And the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

So, Jim is actually my friend.

But…because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy.

So, actually Jim is my enemy.

But…

5. Where to put the hooks?

So i know this is just a silly thing but…..

At my old work, my department was food service. In our prep room, you had to always wear an apron. Always, no exceptions.

When leaving the preproom, you had to take your apron off to prevent cross contamination.

The bosses were trying to figure out where to put the hooks. Inside in the back of the door, or outside on the wall.

4. Definitely hard to explain.

The Banach Tarski paradox is one hell of a mind fuck.

Its basically taking something, and rearranging it to form another exact copy of itself while still having the complete original. Like taking a sphere, which has infinite points on it and drawing line from every “point” on its surface to the center, or the core of the sphere. Then you seperate the lines from the sphere, but because there is infinite points you now have an exact copy of the original sphere.

Its kind of hard to explain here so just watch the Vsauce video on it for a more in depth explanation.

3. The coastline is always growing…or something.

The coastline paradox.

The more accurately you measure a coastline, the longer it gets… to infinity.

2. But you do, in fact, reach the door.

One of my favorites is Xeno’s Paradox.

In order to leave my apartment, just for example, I have to walk half way to my front door. Then I have to walk half the remaining distance. Then half that distance, ad infinitum. In theory, I should never be able to reach the door.

Now I love this paradox, because we’ve actually solved it. It was a lively, well-discussed debate for millennia. At least a few early thinkers were convinced that motion was an illusion because of it!

It was so persuasive an argument that people doubted their senses!

Then Leibniz (and/or Newton) developed calculus and we realized that infinite sums can have finite solutions.

Paradox resolved.

It makes me wonder what “calculus” we are missing to resolve some of these others.

EDIT: A lot more people have strong opinions about Zeno’s Paradox than I thought. To address common comments:

1.) Yes, it’s Zeno, not ‘Xeno’. Blame autocorrect and my own fraught relationship with homophones.

2.) Yes there are three of them.

3.) If you’re getting hung up on the walking example, think of an arrow being shot at a fleeing target. First the arrow has to get to where the target was. But at that point, the target has moved. So the arrow has to cover that new distance. But by then, the target has moved again, etc. So the arrow gets infinitesimally closer to the target, but doesn’t ever reach it.

4.) Okay, you think you could have solved it if you were living in ancient Greece. I profoundly regret that you weren’t born back then to catapult our understanding two millenia into the future.

5.) Yes, I agree Diogenes was a badass.

I hope this covers everything.

1. Just take a shot and pick a box.

Newcomb’s Paradox:

There are two boxes, A and B. A contains either $1,000 or $0 and B contains $100. Box A is opaque, so you can’t see inside, Box B is clear, so you can see for sure that there is $100 in it.

Your options is to choose both boxes, or to choose only Box A.

There is an entity called “The Predictor”, which determines whether or not the $1,000 will be in Box A. How he chooses this is by predicting whether or not you will choose both boxes, or just Box A. If the Predictor predicts that you will “two box”, he will leave Box A empty. If he predicts that you will “one box”, he will put the $1,000 in Box A. He is accurate “an overwhelming amount of the time”, but not 100%. At the time of your decision, the contents of Box A (i.e. whether or not there is anything in it) are fixed, and nothing you do at that point will change whether or not there is anything in the box.

It is a paradox of decision theory that rests on two principles of rational choice. According to the principle of strategic dominance:

There are only two possibilities, and you don’t know which one holds:

Box A is empty: Therefore you should choose both boxes, to get $100 as opposed to $0.

Box A is full: Therefore you should choose both boxes, to get $1,100 as opposed to just $1,000.

Therefore, you should always choose both boxes, since under every possible scenario, this results in more money.

BUT:

According to the principle of expected value:

Choosing one box is superior because you have a statistically higher chance of getting more money. Most of the people who have gone before you who have chosen one box have gotten $1,000, and most that have chosen both boxes have gotten only $100. Therefore, if you analyze the problem statistically, or in terms of which decision has the higher probability of resulting in a higher outcome, you should choose only one box. Imagine one billion people going before you, and you actually seeing so many of them have this outcome. Any outliers became insignificant.

In terms of strategic dominance, two-boxing is always superior to one-boxing because no matter what is in Box A, two-boxing results in more money. One-boxing, on the other hand, has a demonstrably higher probability of resulting in a larger amount of money. Both of these choices represent fundamental principles of rational choice. There are two rival theories, Causal Decision Theory (which supports strategic dominance) and Evidential Decision Theory (which supports expected utility). It is pretty arcane but one of the most difficult paradoxes in contemporary philosophy.

Robert Nozick summed it up well: “To almost everyone, it is perfectly clear and obvious what should be done. The difficulty is that these people seem to divide almost evenly on the problem, with large numbers thinking that the opposing half is just being silly.”

EDIT: I made some edits…to make it clearer.

EDIT: There are also an offshoot of Newcomb’s Paradoxes called medical Newcomb’s Problems. I’ve been in a situation like this before, I’ll describe it:

I went on an antidepressant, and there’s a history of manic depression in my family. My psychiatrist told me that for some people, antidepressants bring out their manic phase, and they find out they have manic depression. They already did have manic depression, so it doesn’t cause it, it just reveals it. She told me to watch out for any impulsive decisions I making, as that can be a sign of a manic phase.

I was in line at a convenience store and thought: should I buy a black and mild? I don’t really smoke, but for some reason it seemed appealing. Then I realized, that seems like an impulsive decision. But, if it is an impulsive decision, and I go through with it, and do indeed have manic depression, then I should just do it anyways. After all, it’s not making me have manic depression, it’s simply revealing something to me that I already had. On the other hand, if I don’t do it, then I have no evidence that I have manic depression, meaning that there truly is less evidence, and therefore I have no reason to believe that I have manic depression.

Expected utility = don’t buy the black & mild Strategic dominance = buy the black & mild

These situations aren’t quite as easy to see, but they’re interesting anyways.

I’m doing quite well now and all indication is that I do not have manic depression.

I’m off to take a nap to recover.

Do you have a favorite paradox? If it’s not here, please leave it in the comments!

Yes, we’re asking you to mess with our head once again. Because that’s how we roll.

The post 12 Mindbenders That Might Just Mess With Your Sense of Reality appeared first on UberFacts.

Enjoy These Anxiety Memes About Anxiety That Won’t Make You More Anxious

It’s time to just calm down already, put that anxiety aside and just BREATHE.

Phew… that was nice. Because that’s all it takes. Thinking about it.

HA!

No… just a long, cleansing breath in… and then out. Let that anxiety just melt away.

Okay, now on to these memes. Those should help too!

1. All day. All night.

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

2. What even is reality anymore?!

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

3. Agreed.

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

4. Oh! That’s all I had to do?!?

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

5. Do that thing!

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

6. Yes, that’ll do it!

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

7. OMFG…

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

8. What happened?!?

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

9. Not so fast…

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

10. Never go to sleep right away. Ever.

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

11. Oh, I’m you alright…

Photo Credit: Pizza Bottle

Well, how do you feel? Anxious as always. I knew it!

Okay, share how you feel in the comments anyway. Anxious or otherwise. Because we actually DO care about you. For reals.

The post Enjoy These Anxiety Memes About Anxiety That Won’t Make You More Anxious appeared first on UberFacts.

Here Are the Origin Stories Behind 5 Iconic Memes

Memes are everywhere!

Whenever we search Google… they’re there! Even if we’re trying to find a serious image, we find that mockery instead. BUT… it is the perfect escape to share how you feel and ROTFL at the same time.

So hve you ever wondered where the most iconic images for memes came from?

Let’s take a look at the history of five memes we’re sure you’ve seen before…

1. Side-Eyed Chloe

Photo Credit: Imgflip

With over 17 million views on Youtube, this video Chloe was captured as maybe a little confused about going to Disneyland, while her sister, Lily, is crying hysterically. It didn’t take long for this to hit the internet and thus her side-eyed glare became a meme sensation.

2. Ermahgerd Gersberms

Photo Credit: Today

Who can’t laugh at the nerdy girl with the Goosebumps books, pigtails, and a retainer? This picture started circulated the meme world in 2012 and has changed text several times, like my personal favorite “ERMAHGERD MERSHED PERDERDER” and the original  “ERMAHGERD GERSBERMS”.

Maggie Goldenberger, the girl in the photo and now a nurse in Phoenix, was 11 when this was taken. She loved acting out made-up characters with friends. So she grabbed her  “costume” and shot a hilarious photo. She later posted on social media and a Reddit User reposted the pic.

3. Disaster Girl

Photo Credit: Distractify

This little girl, Zoe Roth looks like she may have started the fire, amirite? That’s not really the case.

“The fire department in our town was test-burning a house, so we went down to check it out. My dad just got a new camera so he took pictures of me and my brother in front of it. I think I just thought it was super weird and dangerous. I didn’t know it was a test fire until later so I was pretty worried.”

It was later picked up online and eventually made it into JPG Magazine

“Funnily enough, some people asked to take a picture with me the other day at work for the first time ever!” Zoë said, who’s now in college. “It affects me when people make games and books with me in, but mostly my life hasn’t changed.”

4. Doge

Photo Credit: Twitter, @castuco

This picture went full force 6 years ago and since then many other Shibu Inu memes sprung from this idea. The original, Kabosu, an 8-year-old recuse dog was discovered in a 2010 blog post. And the Verge was on a mission to find out more. After seeing her pup everywhere online the Owner, Atsuko Sato said, “I was taken aback. It felt very strange to see her face there. It was a Kabosu that I didn’t know.”

5. Overly Attached Girlfriend

Photo Credit: Pinterest, gattospam

Laina Morris was just a gal trying to get Justin Beiber’s attention. He announced a challenge to his fans to make a video countering “Boyfriend” and thus Morris’ character for “Girlfriend” was born. But when a Reddit user screenshotted the infamous creepy look, the meme caught fire.

Recently, she posted a video about quitting YouTube and the reasons why.

Pretty interesting origin stories, right? Wouldn’t have guessed how simple some of these were, yeah?

Let us know your favorite memes in the comments and maybe we’ll do another story about them!

The post Here Are the Origin Stories Behind 5 Iconic Memes appeared first on UberFacts.

16 Tweets That Accurately Capture the Struggle of Adulthood

“Youth is wasted on the young.”

I often think about this quote when I ride in to work every day and consider what I’ve done with my life. Because we had all that time! And what did we do with it? Eat gummy fruits and watch reruns? Why wasn’t I investing in stocks?!

Thankfully, there’s Twitter. Where comedians hang out and tweet funny shit that we can all relate to.

Let’s have fun.

16. I scream! And… that’s it. I just scream.

15. MINE!

14. Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? A: An employee, apparently.

13. Drugs help.

12. So much me. So much.

11. I didn’t ask for this!

10. 4 hours at least. 6 hours at the most.

9. What a pain!

8. Why doesn’t anybody stop me from doing these things?!

7. Time works differently now.

6. OMG. This is so true!

5. Too expensive!

4. Can I hire a domineering mom for another 5 years?

3. I read lots of Böökes

2. Stop jumping! I want to get back on my feet!

1. Wait… how much is THAT?

Now that was some good adulthood! I feel MUCH better about ALL my choices.

What do you think? Do you struggle with being all grown up and stuff?

Let us know in the comments!

The post 16 Tweets That Accurately Capture the Struggle of Adulthood appeared first on UberFacts.

15 People Confess to the Deepest, Darkest Secrets They’re Hiding Right Now

Secrets can be terrible to have but delicious to hear about – as long as they have nothing to do with you.

So, sit back and relax, and enjoy the fact that none of these bombshells are gathering anxiety in your closet.

15. Dank memes.

“That the girl I’m currently dating and beginning a relationship with started messaging me on Facebook because she liked the memes I posted so much. We had never met and she thought I was cute and really funny, so she initiated things.

We tell people that we met by being introduced by her sister-in-law. I have no idea who her sister-in-law is, and have only met her a couple of times.

Everyone asks “how did you meet?” and we’re too embarrassed to tell the truth about dank memes and her pursuing me as a result.”

14. I was such an idiot.

“I’m very embarrassed to admit that I’m hurt over this so I haven’t told anyone. I was talking to someone for a few months and turns out, he has a girlfriend he never mentioned. We went on dates, kissed, and finally had sex.

Told me he’s working on ending the relationship but can’t right now because it’s complicated. Sounds like bullshit. I don’t want to tell my closest family and friends because I was such an idiot.”

13. The next best time.

“I bought the ring, I’m just waiting for a good time. Our vacation out of country is coming up but I don’t know how easy it will be to get a very expensive piece of jewelry with me without her noticing so I’m trying to find the next best time to propose.”

12. A stupid game.

“My gf, her friend, and I went out for mini golfing. I had the score card. I got second and my gf got third, but I botched the numbers and put her as second and me as third.

She was jumping up and down excited she beat me for the rest of the day, and even brought it up the next day.

I’m very happy my secret could make her this happy, even if just for a little bit over a stupid game.”

11. It’s the medicine.

“That i’m taking antidepressants. everyone thinks I’ve gotten my shit together on my own. but it’s the medicine that is keeping me going.”

10. A massive bill.

“When I was about 16, 3-way prank calling was a thing. If you 3-way called someone that person could call someone and on and on.

We had a line party of about 10 or so people. I was feeling bored and 3-way called a fetish porn line which played the introductory message for the whole party who thought it was hilarious.

1-800-WET-FART, 1-800-FAT-LADY, etc etc…

When the phone bill came it reflected a charge of 99 cents for each call I had made.

It was a massive bill.

My mom had no idea it was me. She got the charges removed and I’m glad I never had to explain why her 16 year old daughter was calling those numbers.

Edit The charges were likely from using the 3-way feature I’m not sure. I believe it was free to call the numbers. The numbers still showed up on the phone bill. My mom called the very first number on the bill and it was my friends grandmas house. The lady told her she didn’t have kids in the house. After that my mom dropped it and assumed the “wires got crossed”. Thankfully she never dialed any of the 1-800 numbers.”

9. I really miss her.

“I still really miss my ex, and nothing in my life has come close to filling that void. The thing is, we had a connection from day one and the relationship was really good and just flowed well. It was such an abrupt ending that I think I’m still in shock. We tried to stay friends, but it didn’t work out (mainly because I was still hurting at the time), and I really miss her.”

8. Literal decades.

“People used to confide in me who they had crushes on back in elementary school, I have been keeping that shit under wraps for literal decades now.”

7. He deserves a break.

“I bought my boyfriend tickets to see his favorite NFL team for his birthday. I’ve already got everything set and his boss will let him take the days off. He’s a hard worker and deserves a break.

Hopefully he likes it!”

6. We just don’t know how.

“My wife an I lost our unborn child 3 weeks ago. We still cant tell our family or friends. We just don’t know how.”

5. Stuck doing it.

“The one place I deliver to thinks I have Tourettes. About 5 months ago I started a job being a beer delivery driver. My first day on my route I was delivering to a gas station and there was an Utz snack truck ahead of me delivering as well.

So I’m standing outside my truck waiting to deliver and being bored I started saying Utz to myself in a weird fast way over and over again (pretty much how a samurai would say it I guess). I turn around and there is the manager of the gas station giving me a weird look. My dumbass thought it was a good idea to keep saying it to make him believe I have this weird tick of saying the word Utz. Even filling out his order for him I would throw in Utz. So I get in my truck and think to myself what the fuck did I just do and start cracking up. So for the past couple months everytime I deliver there I throw out the word Utz every couple sentences then get in my truck and start cracking up.

That might make me a shitty person but I’m pretty much stuck with doing it until I find a new job or route.”

4. In 2 and 1/2 years.

“I’m buying my mother a plane ticket to Salt Lake City for Christmas to visit my two brothers who live there one of which she hasn’t seen in 2 1/2 years.”

3. I hate it here.

“I’m studying to take the bar in another state with much better job prospects. I want to leave this state (have never lived anywhere else) because I hate it here. I will be far, far away from any family in the new state.

My family will freak. I’ve always been the one everyone goes to when shit needs fixed. My siblings have all done jack shit for my parents all of their lives. It’s always been my job. I’m bitter, and I want to force them to pick up some of the slack.

Plus, I want to live in a city that actually has stuff to do – not BFE where no one wants to be and everything shuts down at 4:30 pm.”

2. I can’t wait!

“My husband’s 40th birthday is next week. I’ve got tons of surprises planned — concert tickets, football game tickets, surprise party, lots of great gifts— but best of all— his entire family is coming into town to celebrate. I can’t wait! Shhh.”

1. Worst part of it all.

“There was a fly on our large (like $2000+) living room window, and my 3 year old daughter informed me of this. From my natural reflexes, I went to go smack it dead.

It must be noted I got married a few short weeks before this, and wearing a wedding ring was still new to me. Also, I picked a tungsten carbide ring. Yes, one of the heavy beasts.

The initial sound of the metal on glass was enough to realize I fucked up bad. I left a small dent in that glass, not as bad as it could have been. Enough for me to notice, but not too noticeable unless you look for it.

Worst part of it all, I didn’t kill the fly.”

Got any secrets you want to get off your chest? That’s what the comments section is for. Don’t worry, we won’t share it with anybody else.

The post 15 People Confess to the Deepest, Darkest Secrets They’re Hiding Right Now appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Memes That Will Look Familiar If You Have Brothers

If you grew up with brothers in your family, you know that things got ROUGH and that your parents were not prepared. Ever.

Thankfully, we have memes that will make all that pain seem like something far, far away…

1. Does this look familiar?

2. Not my problem

3. NOW I want it

4. Run!

5. Not quite…

6. This is all you’re getting

7. How could you?!?!

8. Treated like a king

9. I barely touched you!

10. The way it goes

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❤❤

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11. That’s not happening

12. Well, technically…

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heyyyy

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13. We weren’t fighting

14. The answer is NO

15. Power struggle

So… does this bring back good memories or bad ones?

Let us know in the comments! We love reading about people’s pain… good or bad!

The post 15 Memes That Will Look Familiar If You Have Brothers appeared first on UberFacts.

Ryan Reynolds Called His Children ‘Thankless A**Holes’ and That’s Just the Start

Can all celebrities just be like Ryan Reynolds?

He’s handsome (naturally), but he also has one of the best senses of humor I’ve ever seen. And it’s because of that keen intellect and sharp wit that he was able to will the anti-hero Deadpool into box office success.

It’s in that spirit that Reynolds posted this hilarious series of shots from a recent photoshoot for Aviation Gin… and tore his kids a new one in the process.

Just in case you didn’t catch that caption…

Photo Credit: Ryan Reynolds/Instagram

Oh yeah, and The Rock tried to get in on the fun…

Photo Credit: Ryan Reynolds/Instagram

No ROCK! NO! You’re NOT funny. Go home!

But this is nothing new for Reynolds, who trolls his kids and his wife as only an expert smart ass can…

His daughter is gonna be FUNNY when she grows up…

Because, honestly, there’s nobody funnier in the game right now…

He nails it EVERY SINGLE TIME!

And, as mentioned, his wife is the target of his “take no prisoners” humor…

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Happy Birthday, @blakelively.

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We salute you Ryan! Not because you’re funny. Everybody knew that. But because you take the piss out of your family on the regular.

They’re rich. They can handle it.

The post Ryan Reynolds Called His Children ‘Thankless A**Holes’ and That’s Just the Start appeared first on UberFacts.

Patients Share Their Antibiotics Horror Stories

But what happens when things with antibiotics go terribly wrong?

These 11 people had horrendous experiences with antibiotics, and sometimes this stuff is hard to read…

1. That’s really a bummer. Best of luck to her.

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. Antibiotics kills ALL the good bacteria. Yogurt that shit!

Photo Credit: Whisper

3. This is common too when you mess with your gut bacteria…

Photo Credit: Whisper

4. OMG! Hope you get help…

Photo Credit: Whisper

5. Sulfa drugs can do this to A LOT of people…

Photo Credit: Whisper

6. Yeah, but better than your body failing you…

Photo Credit: Whisper

7. Wow… I can’t even imagine!

Photo Credit: Whisper

8. Wait… what the fuck is this even about?!

Photo Credit: Whisper

9. Ummm, how is this even a thing? Yeast infection?

Photo Credit: Whisper

10. That’s an unexpected side effect…

Photo Credit: Whisper

11. HA! Not exactly a horror story, but funny nonetheless…

Photo Credit: Whisper

So, are you thinking twice about what you put in your body after reading these? Because I sure am.

That doesn’t mean we’re against VACCINES. They’re not the same thing.

By the way, which one of these was the scariest? Let us know in the comments!

The post Patients Share Their Antibiotics Horror Stories appeared first on UberFacts.

14 Funny Memes That Parents of Teenagers Will Probably Enjoy

Kids and adults and those who know either of those two groups of people… welcome to the post where you’ll laugh at ALL the memes.

So without further ado… here’s the comedy!

1. But you said I could go!!!

Photo Credit: Someecards

2. Oh no… you ain’t talking to me!

Photo Credit: Someecards

3. It’s how life keeps us humble…

Photo Credit: Someecards

4. Checks out. Smells right.

Photo Credit: Someecards

5. Well, times have changed indeed!

Photo Credit: Someecards

6. I literally hate you too…

Photo Credit: Someecards

7. Time to save up for that trade school!

Photo Credit: Someecards

8. Just hear me now!

Photo Credit: Someecards

9. Just let them do their thing…

Photo Credit: Someecards

10. Ahhhh yes…. Cecily knows EVERY DAMN THING…

Photo Credit: Someecards

11. Hahaha… rough life

Photo Credit: Someecards

12. I love this.

Photo Credit: Someecards

13. Yep!

Photo Credit: Someecards

14. Life goals!

Photo Credit: Someecards

Alright kids and parents and everybody else… we want to know your faves? Let us know in the comments!

Or don’t. It’s up to you. No pressure.

The post 14 Funny Memes That Parents of Teenagers Will Probably Enjoy appeared first on UberFacts.