Category: Lifestyle

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Women Discuss What it’s Like Being a Single Lesbian Mom

I can’t imagine how hard it must to be a single parent in this world, especially if you don’t already have, like, a buttload of money stashed away so you can hire a bunch of help.

On top of that, many LGBTQ+ people in this world still face a lot of stigma and difficulty on that front. So try and put yourself in the shoes of someone standing at the crossroads of both identities.

Here are ten anonymous confessions from lesbian women who have found themselves in the position of being single moms.

10. Don’t care

Well, that’s a good start. You do you.

Source: Whisper

9. Seriously?

That’s a pretty childish understanding of how things work, people.

Source: Whisper

8. It’s complicated

Being in an environment in which you’re not comfortable being yourself is very trying.

Source: Whisper

7. Come on out

Enter the dating world, it’s totally fine.

Source: Whisper

6. I made it happen

Good for you!

Source: Whisper

5. Are you out there?

*Cue that heartbreaking song from Fievel Goes West.*

Source: Whisper

4. No idea

But the truth will find its way out eventually.

Source: Whisper

3. Hard enough

Did you check underneath the couch or like behind the fridge?

Source: Whisper

2. Cheater, cheater

Oh. Well. That’s um…complicated?

Source: Whisper

1. Ah heck no

I’ll bet ya don’t though.

Source: Whisper

To all the single parents out there of all stripes – we salute you. You’re doing some really tough work, that will hopefully prove quite rewarding in the long run.

Have you had experiences with this type of dynamic?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post Women Discuss What it’s Like Being a Single Lesbian Mom appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Talk About What They Miss Most from the 1990s

The 90’s. It feels like a lifetime ago.

Maybe even another dimension. Or a weird, puke-green dream.

But a lot of us miss it anyway.

What’s something from the 90s you miss? from AskReddit

What does Reddit think was the best part of this era? Let’s find out.

1. Sit-in Pizza Huts

I was on vacation in the mountains up state and they had one in town. I got to have pizza in an actual Pizza Hut for the first time since the late 90’s early 2000’s.

We had one outside of town and then that closed and they made a to go one that ended up also closing. Now I can have one of the local places or Papa John’s or Domino’s.

The target nearby does have the mini Pizza Hut pizzas and some of their appetizers. It’s hardly the same as getting it from a Pizza Hut itself.

– twin-shadows

2. Goofing off without it being posted

I had to stop drinking with one of my friends because she’d ALWAYS record everyone doing anything even remotely fun or goofy and it’d be on snapchat or Facebook within seconds.

Like, I just wanna get a little drunk and dance and have a good time with my friends, I don’t want every person I hardly know seeing me let loose.

– nothoughtsnosleep

3. Authentic social interactions

Being social with people felt so different and authentic.

My friends would sometimes just “drop by” to see if I was home to say hi.

We could pick up the phone and have hour long conversations.

It felt like text message cheapened that.

The lesser dependence on technology seemed to cultivate more genuine friendships but that was just my experience.

– runr7

4. TV with specific broadcast times

We would all gather in my tiny college apartment to watch The Office every week. Good memories!!

And I believe Game of Thrones was the last time I did that with any friends as well.

I wonder if we’ll ever do that again.. weird to think that might have been the last time.

– Smilingaudibly

5. Being unreachable

I miss not being able to be reached, or being able to reach people.

Back then you’d call your friend and it would ring somewhere in their house. If there was no one there (which was common) you’d shrug and just carry on your day. If you just wanted to chill out on your own you’d just not answer the phone.

Now, everyone knows people are never without their phones. I’ve had people p**sed at me because I took an hour to reply to a text.

– kor_hookmaster

6. The 90’s aesthetic

It was extreme and alternative, not family-friendly wacky or dystopian like a lot of people think when they see an 80’s aesthetic.

Example: the entire aesthetic of Nickelodeon in the 90’s. Slime and extreme s**t.

– XtremePizzaBuilder

7. Online privacy being the norm

It’s unreal how blithe some people have gotten toward privacy.

My brother’s a high school teacher, and a few years ago he caught a girl in his class livestreaming herself just…sitting there, learning. He asked her to stop, and noticed that there were 15 people apparently watching her on the stream, and suggested that the kinds of people who would watch a 16-year-old girl sitting in class are maybe not the kinds of people she should want watching her.

The girl’s response was a confused “Why not?”

– Dahhhkness

8. Mor affordable housing

There was a time when my kid could have moved out and rented with room mates or even on his own.

But its very hard for young people to start out with the current condition.

– etriff

9. Just general childhood

Free from most adult responsibilities, free from social media, free from bulls**t politics (they were there for sure, but you literally had to look for them, lol), free from a general miasma of fear coming from the media.

When I think back, all I remember is sunshine, the lack of a weight bearing down on my shoulders all the time and the sweet sounds of amazing music.

While I miss it, I am just grateful that I got to experience it.

– Throwaway7219017

10. The optimism

It was a pretty happy decade. The Cold War was over. The economy was booming. Technology seemed to be offering us solutions before we even knew we had a problem.

The products of pop culture almost never dwelled on dystopia or decline.

Air travel was about as dangerous as bus travel.

Acid rain and the hole in the ozone layer were problems of the decade before that seem to have been fixed, and climate change was still called global warming and was not nearly so front and center in how people talked about the future.

All in all, the 90s were a pretty solid decade.

– faceintheblue

11. Mom and pop shops

Family owned convenience stores, diners, burger joints, ice cream parlors, cafes, bookstores, delis, etc.

Even small neighborhood grocery stores.

And independent music venues!

Seems like I’m talking about the 50s but in the 90’s these places still existed. In my hometown most of them are completely gone and were replaced by generic corporate chains or condos. The ones that are still around are struggling to stay afloat and compete.

I’m glad I got to enjoy them while they existed but also realized how much I took them for granted.

– dotskee

12. The optimistic internet

I genuinely feel like the Internet has gone from “the most important and greatest achievement of humanity” to “something that might have been a mistake” during my lifetime

It’s really sad because a global communications network should be a great thing for everyone

– Badloss

13. The airports

I miss how chill and cool airports were.

Watching the plane leave after hugging my parents goodbye or waiting at the window watching it dock knowing someone you were waiting for was about to get off.

– MindSecurity

14. The arcades

Arcades died specifically because home console graphics caught up to them. The PS1 and Saturn got close enough that the differences started feeling minor and then with the Dreamcast and PS2 (and the rise of online gaming) it was all over.

It’s not as though Dave and Busters and Round One are unpopular, but you go for experiences that don’t translate as well to home, which means the few modern arcade games are either steering wheel racers, light gun games, or peripheral-based rhythm games.

– milespudgehalter

15. Full size Frosted Strawberry Pop Tarts

They’re, like, half the thickness these days!

That and eating them while watching back to back episodes of Saved by the Bell on Saturday mornings. Good times…

– panamanimal

Yeah. I agree. With just…all of that.

What do you miss about the past?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Talk About What They Miss Most from the 1990s appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Remember Their School’s Dumbest Rules

There’s nothing more satisfying than knowing that YOU are the reason there’s a new rule at some place.

It happened to me at my old school, which was rife with plenty of ridiculous rules. Apparently I’m not alone in that.

What’s the dumbest rule your school ever enforced? from AskReddit

How are our institutions of learning striving to keep the peace? Reddit tells all.

1. “No jackets without the school logo”

I was a high school teacher for several years, both buildings I worked in were FREEZING, and having admin pull students out of my classroom during a 50 minute period & giving them detention instead of letting them LEARN is cruel and completely unnecessary, in my opinion.

– Master_Catch_9089

2. “No snowballs”

If you throw snowballs, you get a one day suspension.

The first long weekend after a snowfall everyone would throw snowballs to get an additional day added to the long weekend.

– MrFake_Name

3. “Go to class, no exceptions”

I got Saturday school for missing a day of classes when I was 16. Seems reasonable, except I missed to go complete my US citizenship and officially become a citizen alongside my mom (it took us 12 years to go through the legal process, btw. Whole other issue).

I had a note from my mother as well as a signed official Federal form they give you to explain to school/employers why you were absent.

Apparently the only acceptable absence excuse was illness. I got punished for becoming a citizen ?‍♀️

– Lumpy_Constellation

4. “Zero tolerance”

That if you say/do anything back to your bully it becomes a mutual conflict and isn’t bullying, so if they start calling you slurs and making you feel bad every day and you call them stupid once or twice the school probably won’t help.

– wowthatfood

5. “If you’re late, we’ll make you more late”

The new Principal made a “morning round-up” rule where anyone arriving to class after the last bell had to go to the cafeteria and listen to a lecture about not being late for class.

This took about an extra 15 minutes, making the students even more late to class than they would have otherwise been.

Needless to say, everyone hated it, even the teachers. That principal didn’t last long…

– LiveTrash

6. “Toilet paper must be rationed”

This was in 1997/98, btw.

Apparently the high school girls room was going through too much toilet paper so the dean, a woman, stood outside the door and distributed a few squares of 1-ply institutional toilet paper to us as we went in. If she noticed toilet paper on the floor, our ration got cut down. If we asked for more for…bigger jobs…we were told to saved it for home.

There were several episodes of girls stuck in stalls until friends could beg for more TP because of period messes or unexpected bowel incidents. The dean wouldn’t even hand it over–she would go in the bathroom and pass it a few squares at a time over the door. If you didn’t catch it as it fell and it landed on the floor, well, that’s your fault and you’re not getting more. If you used more than she thought necessary, tough luck, go to class with blood/s**t on your body.

It took about a week of extremely angry parents coming to the school and calling both the school and the school board, but we finally got our toilet paper back, unlimited.

How did we celebrate?

By TPing her car, of course.

– stabbyspacehorse

7. “Bathrooms are closed”

Closing boys toilets, because some c**t was stealing toilet paper.

When school staff announced this stupid rule, some students actually threatened to s**t on the tables then.

– latvian_username

8. “ID safety”

It wasn’t really the rule that was dumb but the reason for it. In my last year of high school, the school issued a rule that all students had to wear student IDs. If you didn’t, you had to immediately go and pay for another ID. While you can see how many students may have saw this a way to skip class, the reason for this was the school shootings that happened the previous year.

The reasoning was that it would be easier to spot who is a student and who is not a student to then see who has malicious intent…..except that most shooters were students….so….

– Seiko_Enohara

9. “No touching the snow”

In grade school, we weren’t allowed to play on the playground equipment when it snowed.

Eventually, were weren’t allowed to play with snow or even go near it- I got in trouble for sitting in snow.

This was in Minnesota where it snows half the year. Recess basically consisted of milling around the blacktop for thirty minutes.

– BW_Bird

10. “Don’t play on the golf course”

Our tiny community got a burst of cash in the 70’s due to having mineral rights on land with oil. It was amazing some of the things we had access to for a school in the plains in Montana: computer lab, ceramics, photography, and a freaking laser! They also bought the grade school a miniature golf course in the center of the playground.

A majority of the playground was concrete squirrels, turtles and a whale. These looked like a lot of fun to play on for a kid. We couldn’t touch them. We couldn’t get near them. We couldn’t land our star wars figures on them, incorporate them in our games in any way or even walk near them when running from someone playing tag. Once in PE we got out the clubs and played a few rounds in my entire time in school. Other classes never even got that.

After about 30 years, during a student clean up, they got some of the upper level high school kids to take hammers to them and pulverized them.

– DarrenEdwards

11. “Ties ALWAYS”

You have to wear your tie all the way home.

Some sad bastard teachers would stand on the main road away from the school and try to hand out detentions in presumably their own time

– ——__————

12. “Bathroom sign in sheets”

My friend is an administrator at a private school in NJ and the faculty has to sign in and out of the bathroom using Google sheets.

9am, 10 minutes, M-F

– no__ragrets__

13. “No ankles allowed”

Girls weren’t allowed to show their ankles.

The dean had a pack of socks in her office she would give the students and make them wear.

Only girls tho. This was the 2000s.

– LoveAndDynamite

14. “No unnatural hair colors”

Except for Lily, who dyed her hair the school color (maroon).

It was dark enough to argue it was a weird red/brown, but it was clearly maroon and I think she got away with it because it was “school spirit”

– poachels

15. “We keep your phones”

If you were caught on your phone they’d take it until the end of the week. you’d get it back at half 3 on friday.

parents went mental and a few even came together and sent bills through for part of the phone bills, they ditched that rule after 2 weeks.

phones were kept overnight in the school in the office until that friday if they were confiscated. no safe or anything, just in a plastic box. no getting it back at the end of the day, you just had to go for days without a phone, even at home

– bigfrogb**ch

Well, I’ve certainly learned a lot.

What was the dumbest rule at your school?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Remember Their School’s Dumbest Rules appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Talk About What Would’ve Happened if They Were Confronted By Their Past Selves

When I was taking acting classes (because my life goal is to get attention), I learned one concept that I found really helpful, both on and off stage.

It’s a psychological phenomenon my teacher referred to as a “private audience.” No matter what we’re doing, all of us carry around people in our minds and sort of wonder what they might think of what we’re doing. Maybe you’re thinking of trying to make a parent proud, or how to impress a crush. Maybe some abuser from your past remains in your head, judging all your actions as inadequate, etc.

But one private audience member I think most of us share is ourselves. Our past selves, and our future selves, which is what this Reddit post was all about.

If 16 year old you could see you now, what would 16 year old you think about your life? from AskReddit

So, what would yesterday us say about today us? Let’s find out.

1. California dreamin’

16 year old me would be p**sed I still lived in California instead of moving back to Texas as planned.

But I’ve fallen in love with it.

– Pythias

2. I’m still there

Like at 35 I’m still struggling with the concept of home ownership and a long term career (I have both, just still can’t wrap my brain around it).

I am living the 16 yo’s life though, own every game console (except PS5, f**k scalpers), and more Gundams than could have imagined.

– TrandaBear

3.  Pretty impressive

16 year old me would be impressed with my hot wife, great kids who would have much in common with him, being a homeowner of a really nice house, cool cars, and killer gaming PCs (I was a huge computer nerd in high school).

S**t, my whole house is automated which would have blown his/my mind.

– VisualBasic

4. It all changes fast

He’d be surprised with how quickly life goes from easy to hard. Both parents die in our 20s, the last living grandparent develops dementia at 100 years old whom we become POA for.

It’s easy to compare grass is greener. You’ll feel isolated because you don’t relate to people in your 30s or even older generations in the workplace.

The salary is good though, not to mention the core group of friends you have always answer the phone when you call.

– DaGurggles

5. Don’t give up hope

16 year old me was a foster kid in a girl’s home who wanted to die.

She wouldn’t even believe that I finally made it to Hollywood, became an artist and entertainer on her own terms and now owns her own victorian home.

I sure am glad those suicide attempts didn’t work.

– Immorefunthanyou

6. OMG so awesome!

16 year-old me would be shocked at how well I am doing.

At 16 years old I had just quit doing drugs after failing the ninth grade for the second time. I am now a DBA and make six figures.

Also, 16 year-old me would be like “Did you have s**? Yes?! OMG so awesome!”

There really is a benefit to coming from low expectations.

– imk

7. Not a doctor (shh!)

“So…not a doctor huh?”

“No, but you have a masters and you work as a therapist helping people who really need it.”

“But not a doctor.”

“No.”

“Are you thinking amount doing a PhD at least?”

“Kinda, there’s a limited about of good that would do us, outside of the title, and importantly you like what you do”

“But the title is awesome!”

“I know…”

– ConneryFTW

8. Nailed it

Still overweight, that sucks. Great career though, so that’s awe…

Wait… you married HER?!?!?! HOW?!?!? DUDE THAT’S AWESOME!!!!! SHE WOULDN’T EVEN GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY!

– Garroch

9. Pretty grim

Like back then, I don’t value new experiences much because I’m not interested in most things or people, have no innate curiosity or desire to learn things and am affected deeply by negative events while getting nothing out of positive ones.

At most, after learning about my disappointing experiences with therapy and medication, I reckon my 16y/o self would just be sad that this is incurable, and probably much more bitter than I currently am that I have to put a crazy amount of effort into getting even half as much joy out of life as the average person.

I miss being blissfully ignorant about these things. Back then I was so much better at ignoring the external pressure to be someone I’m not because it didn’t even register to me that I was that abnormal. It’s getting better now, but it’s something I’ll have to make a conscious effort to fight for years to come.

– dniwehtotnoituac

10. Blinded by science

My 16 year old self would be devastated that both my parents and all my grandparents have passed away by the time I’m 32.

She would also be very surprised that I’m not working in marine biology or doing science of any kind as a career.

– Kaylin_Neya

11. No mountain high enough

16 year old me would be very impressed!

Stopped self-harming, left our emotionally-damaging hometown & now live in a gorgeous state, hiking mountains, traveling the world independently (pre-pandemic), rescued the sweetest dog ever, and still very close friends with a lot of my high-school friends that weren’t a**holes.

She would look at me and say “wow I truly made it”.

– NipplesOnIce

12. Reach for the stars

Astronomer here! I was already obsessed with the idea of being a radio astronomer when I was that age, so pretty sure she’d be over the moon ecstatic. ?

I actually think about 16 year old me a lot on days when research feels hard or I’m less motivated about a specific task.

It seems like such a minor thing to push through once you remember the passion you had as a teenager, and while a lot of astronomy is about chasing the next position it really makes me appreciate where I am now on the day to day level. Not sure that makes sense.

– Andromeda321

13. I’m livin’ my life

He would ask what happened to our hair and slim toned physique, then I’d explain that in adult life you eat what you want and don’t care about your hair so much so deal with it

– ScottyAlex1909

14. But why?

I am happy that 24 yo you is financially successful and managed to land a good career and have a girlfriend you like…

But why did you stop going to the gym, why do you take all those antidepressants / pills to sleep and why do you smoke weed?

– topastop

15. Mostly about phones

Well, for a start he’d be all: “You’re looking at a, whatchacallit, a ‘website’, on your telephone?”

Then he’d be happy that I was happily married with three awesome kids. Maybe a bit sad I don’t have a dog.

– TheWrongFusebox

I guess if 16 year old me showed up he’d probably mostly just scream and be confused.

But what would your former self say?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Talk About What Would’ve Happened if They Were Confronted By Their Past Selves appeared first on UberFacts.

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Memes That Are as Valuable as Cold, Hard Cash

Do you feel broke? Financially or otherwise? Well good news, we’ve got some memes here that are 100% cash. Money.

Now, do I mean that literally? No. Not yet, anyway. Until we hit some sort of full-blown apocalypse in which traditional monetary systems are eliminated and memes are treated as fungible means of purchase, these aren’t actually worth anything. But I feel like the day that applies is two, three weeks out. Max. So, maybe just gather the memes while ye may.

Here they are.

10. Very appealing

Now you can send out those pics absolutely no one wants in even higher quality.

Source: The Chive

9. Bring back the night!

What a cutesy butesy little demon fluff.

Source: The Chive

8. Left on read

Carpet for your only whole, $99.

Source: The Chive

7. The VIP room

Ok but the real question is what does it evolve into?

Source: The Chive

6. Super tarantula

I can put up with a lot but if that becomes a real thing, I’m out.

Source: The Chive

5. The real scoop

Hey, who doesn’t look forward to a nice poop?

Source: The Chive

4. All-inclusive

I hate you all equally.

Source: The Chive

3. Honesty in advertising

I know it, you know it, why bother pretending?

Source: The Chive

2. Duck and cover

Who are you trying to protect at this point?

Source: The Chive

1. Bath boss

Started from the bottom, now we’re here.

Source: The Chive

Those memes are dolla dolla bills, ya’ll. Again, not literally.

If memes were money which ones would be worth the most?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Memes That Are as Valuable as Cold, Hard Cash appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Open Up About Their Most Useless Talents

Useless talents, or useless skills. We all have them. I’m really good at the pogo stick, for example. I set a record of over 5,000 consecutive jumps as a kid.

Why? I have no idea. It wasn’t a competition. Nobody even saw me do it. I just jumped and counted in the driveway one morning until I got too tired to keep going. And it’s the little things like that you learn to treasure.

What’s a useless talent of yours? from AskReddit

Let’s hear about some other useless treasures, via Reddit.

1. The impossible

I can fit the usb into the slot in the first try every time

– Panja_Paradesi

2. Dirty Al

I can make a disgusting parody out of any song. ANY song.

– speedballmonkey

3. The sweet sense

Knowing if someone is unpacking any sweets in the kitchen.

– straight-up-bs

4. Just browsing

I trained for a long time to only move one eyebrow as a child and as a side effect I can wriggle my ear on that side too.

Once I could lift one eyebrow I was satisfied and didn’t bother to train the other side.

– DerWassermann

5. Burp beyond limits

I can burp whenever I want and as much I want, without limits.

I mean, I can fill my stomach with air at will, allowing me to burp again and again. Also I can hold it long enough to make it go down and allow me to rip massive 7-9 seconds long farts.

Downside is that is that all that air pressure makes me look like an 8-month pregnant.

Upside is that I don’t have to worry about constipation, all that pressure pushes my poop down so fast I literally sh*t brown missiles out my *ss. I also don’t have to worry about inflatables in the pool/sea, I just float without a problem.

– N1664TR0N3000

6. ϱnibɒɘɿ ɘƨɿɘvɘЯ

I can read mirrored writing (without mirror), read upside down writing (without turning anything upside down), and read mirrored upside down writing (you guessed it. Without using mirrors or turning anything upside down).

– SalFunction12

7. The true accent

I can imitate nearly any accent and sound like a native speaker. (has been confirmed by people I’ve met from a variety of nations, and no, they weren’t just being polite to the goofy American.) I can’t speak French for sh*t though. I sound like Clark Griswold in “National Lampoon’s European Vacation”.

– DeadLined784

8. Forget and forget

I have a wonderful ability to forget people’s names almost immediately after they tell me then avoid asking until its reached a point where it’s far too awkward to bring it up

– Pale-Yam8117

9. Speaking my language

I can program in shellscript, it’s useful on very rare occasions.

– Flynntheforce

10. Sniff ’em out

I can tell when a u.s. currency bill is counterfeit with my eyes closed.

– Fromoogiewithlove

11. Opening doors

Not super useless since it has a few uses but I can open doors with my feet.

It’s best with doorknobs.

If I have my hands full and I’m not wearing any shoes or socks I usually do this method.

– TrutiTru

12. Take the stairs

I am exceptional at going down stairs two at a time

– tungstenwalrus2

13. That rocks

I am weirdly good at skipping rocks.

Just did it a lot as a kid and now people get excited when I toss a rock and it skips 20 times.

– contrary-contrarian

14. Work up an appetite

When I start talking about food people start drooling.

Apparently I just start getting really descriptive about the things I like.

Came in handy when I was working as a waiter at one restaurant and a cashier at another. I was able to upsell more customers than anyone else.

Most of the time these days it is pretty useless.

– RabbitsRuse

15. Achieving enlightenment

You know that question “what is the sound of one hand clapping?”

I can answer it, with either hand.

– calcbone

I dunno, I’m pretty envious of some of those. The accent thing seems pretty killer.

What’s YOUR useless talent?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post People Open Up About Their Most Useless Talents appeared first on UberFacts.

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Great Tweets to Feed Your Daily Need for Comedy

I can’t recall the entire Lord’s Prayer from my Sunday School days, but I’m pretty sure there was a part in there about asking the Lord for our daily tweets. Or was it bread? Did Jesus say “Let’s get this bread?” Is that communion?

Sorry, not to blaspheme, it’s just that getting a daily allotment of tweets is practically a religion for me at this point so it’s sort of sunk its way into my brain in place of a lot of other stuff.

Without further ado, let’s get this bread. I mean tweets.

10. Skip ahead

Surely this is what the Olympians themselves must have felt.

9. I kneed your touch

After this it’s not gonna take much.

8. Fun in the sun

Well now he’s not the only one who’s gonna be hot.

7. Get your jollies

For me, it’ll probably be Reese’s Pieces. Not the entire Reece. Just a piece.

6. From the jump

Our entire lives are being permanently catalogued, we’re all screwed.

5. No, this is Patrick

And suddenly the Romance of that impossibly beautiful place is gone.

4. Just watch

DO NOT BETRAY US LIKE THIS. WE HAVE FEELINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE ANGER.

3. Turnabout’s fair play

Yeah we are pretty screwed.

2. Explosive news

Now let’s all be cool here…but down the blue explosives…

1. Read for liftoff

Yeah, why does that happen?

And with that, our daily tweets sustain us. Amen.

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter, and why?

Tell us all about them in the comments.

The post Great Tweets to Feed Your Daily Need for Comedy appeared first on UberFacts.

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Tweets That Should Have Won Awards if They Were Given for Such Things

Welcome to the first annual Twitter Awards, hosted by me!

Only 13 of these awards are handed out yearly, for reasons known only to be, in categories which are likely to change from year to year.

So, now that we all understand it, put on your best “good sport loser” face and prepare for the glitz and glamour of award season with these thirteen funny tweets!

13. Best Book Tweet

Man, that would be hilarious.

12. Best Non-Trashy Pronoun Joke

And I wish you the very best of luck with you predicament.

11. Best Ice Cream Observation

This would work like semaphore or flying colors, allowing us to know from a distance what to avoid.

10. Best Historical Joke

Do you want a revolution?

9. Best Name

When your parents know from the start exactly where you’re life is going.

8. Best Biblical Rewrite

I’m sending you some materials for a script treatment now.

7. Most Money Award

Give me some while you’re at it?

6. Best Historical Contextualization

They’d probably burn it at the stake as a witch.

5. Best Reference

You sure come highly recommended.

4. Safest Gaming

The gentlest video game company makes the most dangerous stuff.

3. Best Multitasking

Are you still in class while you’re tweeting this?

2. Best Picture

It’s a tie!

1. Kids Choice Award

It’s hard to imagine a circumstance quite so dismal.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this award ceremony. Seat fillers can collect their checks on the way out.

What internet creators do you think should win an award, and what should that award be called?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Tweets That Should Have Won Awards if They Were Given for Such Things appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Talk About Their Most Embarrassing and Hilarious Work Fails

The only thing worse than doing a job you don’t love every day is epically failing at that job.

But that’s not gonna stop these people from telling the whole world about it after a prompt from account @b3ta asking for “work felated f*ck-ups.”

Let’s see what the damage is, Twitter.

15. The grand rejection

Sounds like you really unmade their day. And yours too!

14. A single piece of paperwork

The justice system strikes again.

13. Seeing red

When you’re here, you’re family.

12. In the meme time

It’s downright weird that this is a real job description.

11. Going down

Oh yeah. I knew that. Totally. I’m just um. Gonna disappear now.

10. Watch your accounts

Where’s the lie though.

9. The broadside of a barn

Be careful what you do in anger, it may follow you forever.

8. He’s a fake!

Was this kid under the impression before that giant singing rats were real?

7. You had to be there

Misuse of the various email reply options fill me with dread on a daily basis.

6. A graceful exit

Well, what would there be to mention about it?

5. First impressions

Kinda surprised they didn’t call the cops to investigate or something.

4. That’s heavy

The sort of thing you’re not easily gonna forget.

3. A sinking feeling

Wait there was a Kardashian mobile game?

2. Slow things down

I’m curious to know what this even means.

1. My condolences

It’s a stale joke anyway, friend.

If you haven’t had a great day at work, try not to worry about it too much. Maybe these examples made you feel better?

What’s a screw up you’ve encountered?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Talk About Their Most Embarrassing and Hilarious Work Fails appeared first on UberFacts.

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Check Out These Fascinatingly Useless Talents That People Have

Everybody has a useless skill or two. For example, I can make a dolphin noise with my mouth. I’ve never met anyone else who can do it in the way I can, and it’s gained me exactly nothing in this life.

I’m teaching my 5 year old niece to do it so she can keep the torch of meaninglessness aflame, because these things are important.

What’s a useless talent of yours? from AskReddit

So what useless skills to the people of Reddit have? Let’s delve in.

1. That special touch

[I can touch my nose with my tongue] too.

I never understood why all the guys in my class would ask to see my “cool trick” and why the girls hated me.

– Ret*rdoTheGayDolphin

2. Rip roarin’ time

I can reproduce the exact sound of a chainsaw with my mouth

– frank_98_

3. Anyone can whistle

I can whistle in many different ways.

Actually very useful for annoying the f*ck out of everyone.

– ilovebravebrowser

4. Reading and writing

I can read and write at the same time. I’ll read a bit, process it, send it to my hand, and take notes while I read the next bit. It was very useful in college but I got burnt out and have a sh*t job now, so it’s not useful to me any more :/

At my peak it was like having my own internal secretary. Good times.

Edit for clarity: Yes I mean reading one thing while writing another thing

– ipakookapi

5. Don’t do it

If I drop the soap in the shower 9 times out of 10 I can catch it before it hits the floor.

I call the skill being soapidextrous.

Sadly, I have never been to prison which is the only place this skill might come in handy.

– slartibartjars

6. The fart of the deal

Farting with whatever loudness I want. I can somehow control the loudness of my farts without a change in the quantity of them

– Minecraft_Player1475

7. A whole lsit

Ooh my wife says I have quite a few utterly useless talents! Among them:

Remembering the lyrics to a song after only listening to it 1-2x.

Knowing what time it is within 5 minutes regardless of when I last looked at the clock.

Throwing our son’s toys into their baskets/buckets with stupid accuracy.

Avoiding stopping short when driving by accelerating / decelerating at the perfect time when coming up on yellow lights.

– ReallyCleverName69

8. Very snappy

I can snap, like, really loud.

Like if i snap too close to my head or someone else’s it can cause my/their ears to ring.

– Nogard_Ruler_Brynn

9. On the fence

I took 3 years of fencing. Not a lot of call for sword fighting these days. However It did come in handy just once when I was in the army and we were getting riot control training, a bunch of us were dicking around with the batons and I managed to do pretty well in a 4 on one baton duel.

But really it’s a useless talent.

– Wacokidwilder

10. That’s still a thing?

I’m really good at Dance Dance Revolution.

Like not “play sometimes and can play on medium” like I’ve traveled and won tournaments in other cities and can perfect most songs on the hardest difficulty.

It’s fun and a great workout but it doesn’t really get me anywhere in life.

– PoPo573

11. Cursed cursive

I can write (in cursive) backwards… neatly… hold it up to a mirror and its perfectly neat and legible

– MelodyM620

12. Gotta hand it to ya

I can do ALL the “hand and finger movement tricks” more or less perfectly..

Like spinning hands in opposite direction, patting head – rubbing belly, split fingers in the middle, leaving the two middle fingers together while spreading pinky and pointer finger, and so on…

I learned this back when games came on 1.44 discs and there was a lot of waiting time.

– guvakkamole

13. Battle ready

Knowledge of military equipment and tactics (I don’t claim to be a tactical genius or know how the military works, I’ve never served).

I’ve read so many books about military hardware, supply chains, tactics and much more that just ends up being useless at the end of the day.

– Ghost-Rider9925

14. Just my type

I can type fast. On typing tests I average 85-90wpm if I’m tired but I can go up to 120wpm for up to 5 minutes at a time with over 90% accuracy if my fingers are extra nimble.

It might sound useful but it’s really not. Past about 50wpm there’s no real purpose because nobody’s job is to type up documents or anything anymore.

When I’m typing an email or essay or something I don’t need to type nearly that fast.

– ceramicthumb

15. Guilty slumber

I can sleep peacefully even if I didn’t do my homework

– Neoptys

Here’s to all the useless skills out there. One day perhaps you’ll find a home.

What’s your most pointless talent?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Check Out These Fascinatingly Useless Talents That People Have appeared first on UberFacts.