Category: kids

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Parents Tweeted the Truth About Sex After Kids and It Is Pretty Funny

Hang on tight for this one.

I’m not married and I don’t have kids, but I have ears, people. I listen to the conversations of my married friends, and I know what’s going on (sort of).

And I know that the nookie takes a nosedive after those adorable little angels become a part of the family.

Which is why these texts from parents are hilarious and right on the money.

Enjoy.

1. Please don’t come in here.

2. You’re DEFINITELY a parent.

3. No winners here.

4. See you later.

5. That’s very hot.

6. Makes it kinda fun? Maybe?

7. That’s the way it goes.

8. Fast! No, faster!

9. That should do the trick.

10. You just have to deal with it.

11. It’s totally worth it.

12. Might not be a great idea.

13. What are you doing with your time?

14. Should we just go to bed?

15. It’s over. Forever.

Hey, it’s not all bad, is it?

Parents, weigh in on this matter and give the folks who wrote these tweets (and other parents out there) some good advice about gettin’ it on!

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Mattel Has Launched a Gender-Neutral Doll Collection

Long gone are the days when a child’s only options were the standard Barbie and Ken. And dolls got even more inclusive recently when Mattel, the company that makes Barbies, launched a gender-neutral doll collection.

This new line of toys from Mattel is meant to erase existing preconceived notions about what gender means and how it is ingrained into us from a very young age. Kim Culmone, the Senior Vice President of Mattel Fashion Doll Design said, “Toys are a reflection of culture and as the world continues to celebrate the positive impact of inclusivity, we felt it was time to create a doll line free of labels.” The line is called Creatable World.

Creatable World

In our world, dolls are as limitless as the kids who play with them. Introducing #CreatableWorld, a doll line designed to keep labels out and invite everyone in. #AllWelcomeShop now: http://bit.ly/CWMattel

Posted by Mattel on Tuesday, September 24, 2019

First off, the dolls come in a variety of skin colors. They can be styled with a variety of hairstyles, different clothes, and accessories such as sunglasses. TIME magazine noted that the “lips are not too full, the eyelashes not too long and fluttery, the jaw not too wide. There are no Barbie-like breasts or broad, Ken-like shoulders.”

In recent years, millennial parents have voiced their grievances about gender stereotypes in toys, and it seems like big companies such as Mattel are listening. The new, gender-neutral dolls are 11″ tall and they sell for $29.99 each. The official slogan for the new product is “A doll line designed to keep labels out and invite everyone in.”

It will be interesting to see how these products are received by the public and if other companies will follow Mattel’s lead. Stay tuned.

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These Viral Backflipping Kids Are Headed to Gymnastics School, Thanks to the Influence of Social Media

Jashika Khan and Mohammad Azajuddin are two children in Kolkata, India. The pair went viral for their impressive cartwheeling, and now they’re going to school to be full-time gymnasts.

A teacher took a video of Jashika, 11, and Mohammad, 12, doing their tumbling on the street on the way to school. Olympic gold medalist Nadia Comaneci retweeted the video, calling it “awesome.”

And Jashika and Mohammad blew up.

Their gymnastics journey could have ended with the tweet, but fortunately, the video caught the attention of India’s Sports Minister Kiren Rijiju. Jashika and Mohammad were soon called for trials at the Sports Authority of India, and the trainer, Manmeet Singh Goindi, said that he was impressed by what he saw.

“They are certainly talented and have the desire to achieve much,” he told The Telegraph.

Both children are going to be enrolled as full-time trainees. Manmeet explained:

“At SAI, not only will the children get food, lodging and proper education, they will also be trained under qualified gymnastics coaches. Plus, the right equipments will be made available to them. They will practice in proper indoor halls. No more will they have to jump around on the road and somersault on concrete, risking injuries.”

Both Jashika and Mohammad are thrilled about the new opportunity. Jashika even says she wants to become a gymnast like Nadia in the future — and with talent like hers, it’s totally possible.

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A Study Showed That Older Parents Still Lose Sleep over Their Adult Children

I’ve wondered if my parents still do this, even though all five of the kids they raised are grown up and out of the house.

And now I have an answer.

A study published in The Gerontologist Journal shows many older parents worry about their adult children as much as they did when they were raising them as youngsters.

It also found that there was a correlation between sleep quality and parents worrying about their adult children.

It makes sense when you think about it: when kids are raised by their parents, mom and dad are always home and around the children. It’s when the kids leave the house to go out into the world for college or a job that mothers and fathers begin to experience more worry and stress due to uncertainty and not being in close proximity to their sons and daughters at all times.

Amber J. Seidel of Penn State York, the leader of the study, said:

“I feel that many share this value, yet I think much of the socialization in our culture focuses on the family when children are younger. I seek to study topics that help us understand how family continues to be a central part of our lives throughout adulthood, and I encourage considering family-level influences in all situations.”

The study is obviously more reflective of parents in the West and in Europe, as it is more common for children to live with their parents longer in the East. In the U.S. and Europe, children are pushed toward independence at a younger age.

Seidel ended the study by encouraging parents to consider the type of relationships they have with their adult children because the level of involvement they have with their kids and how much support they offer them affects parents’ sleep cycles. The questions Seidel thinks parents should ask themselves include, ‘Are you enabling your child by rewarding lazy or destructive behaviors?’, ‘Are you trying to control your child in any way?’, ‘Or are you simply letting your adult child live their life while providing unconditional support?’

Asking and contemplating these questions can lead to a more transparent relationship between parents and adult children.

Hey, adults who are out of the house, your parents are most likely worried about you and wondering what you’re up to, so check in once in a while.

Call your mother.

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15 Funny Tweets About Raising Kids

Aren’t kids just precious? Well, at least some of the time they are. Other times? Maybe not so much…

Parenthood is a constant tug-of-war with the little humans you’ve brought into the world, and, if you have kids, you know that there is a lot of hilarity involved on a day-to-day basis.

And here are 15 perfect examples.

1. Totally over EVERYTHING.

2. Doesn’t want to hear it anymore.

3. Got it, see you tomorrow.

4. Zing! She showed you.

5. Yes, it is kind of like that.

6. Cherish these wonderful memories.

7. I can’t keep track of all that.

8. It’s gonna get ugly.

9. He’ll learn about that later.

10. Write everything down just in case.

11. Not a fan of the rotten grapes.

12. That kid is speaking for all of us.

13. Right….evacuate…that’s what you said, right?

14. Not a fan of your singing, apparently.

15. Isn’t that just so sweet?

Ahhhh, adorable little monsters angels, aren’t they? What a joy!

Share your own stories of your funny kids in the comments below!

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The Kids Book ‘Go the F*Ck to Sleep’ Is Getting a Sequel

If you’re a parent or have spent a lot of time around kids, you know the nightly routine. Your kids are totally adorable and they mean the world to you, but you just want them to get some shut-eye so YOU can get some shut-eye. That’s why Adam Mansbach’s 2011 bedtime book Go the F*ck to Sleep was such a huge hit. Mansbach hit exactly the right nerve for exhausted parents who were ready to throw their hands up in the air.

Well, good new parents! The hit book is getting a sequel titled F*ck, Now There Are Two of You that will be released on October 1 by Akashic Books. The official description says, “The third installment in Adam Mansbach’s international best-selling Go the Fuck to Sleep series addresses, with radical honesty, the family implosion that occurs when a second child arrives.”

In 2014, Mansbach released another book in the F*ck series, You Have to F*cking Eat that details the challenges of getting your little monsters to eat a (hopefully) nutritious and delicious meal.

We’ll have to wait until October 1 to see what Mansbach’s new creation has in store for parents, but we can probably assume that it’s about how the family dynamics change when a second child is introduced into the mix.

One more thing we can speculate about right now until the book is released in a couple weeks: will Samuel L. Jackson do the audio narration for this new book like he did for Go the F*ck To Sleep back in 2011?

Let’s keep our fingers crossed on that one.

UPDATE: This is great. It’s been confirmed that none other than Larry David will record the audio narration for F*ck, Now There Are Two of You. I’d say that’s a pretty great choice.

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13 Times People Without Kids Posted Hilarious Memes

Hang on…this is sure to spark some debate.

Are you a person without ANY children? Well then… hello. You must be well rested and have plenty of money.

For those who DO have kids and are here to relive those glory days of not being responsible for another human being who clings to you until they don’t need you… HEY! Remember all these things and how awesome they were?

Okay, we kid… kind of. But here are 13 times when the childless among us won big time.

1. Ahhhhh… sleep, glorious sleep!

Photo Credit: Someecards

2. I am responsible for MYSELF, thank you very much!

Photo Credit: Someecards

3. Yeah, and baby otters grow up to be adult otters, which are almost as cute.

Photo Credit: Someecards

4. This is what vacation is for… and grandparents…

Photo Credit: Someecards

5.  You tell ’em Sarah!

Photo Credit: Someecards

6. These are legit kids. Don’t @ me!

Photo Credit: Someecards

7. Responsibility tsunami!

Photo Credit: Someecards

8. Oh yes… this is me. Always. And forever.

Photo Credit: Someecards

9. Yeah, who cares about a pic of a kid? Let’s see those doggos!

Photo Credit: Someecards

10. You know, he’s got a point!

Photo Credit: Someecards

11. Morgan, you’re my new hero. Thank you for this insight!

Photo Credit: Someecards

12. Cats are kids. Don’t @ me.

Photo Credit: Someecards

13. Ahhhh… sweet, delicious, peaceful, serene silence!

Photo Credit: Someecards

So, how do you feel now? Want kids? No???? That’s crazy. I would have thought you’d want them after all!

Well, I guess we can always share our thoughts in the comments, yeah? So do that!

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A Teacher Asked Kindergarteners to Create Cook a Book. The Recipes Are Hilarious.

Cooking takes years and years to master. This is why your average kindergartener, who’s still learning how to tie their shoes, is most likely a terrible cook. So when you ask a group of five- and six-year-olds to write a cookbook, you can guess what would result–bizarre, nonsensical, and hilarious recipes.

Jordan Adams is a Texas-based joke writer, pizza enthusiast, and Twitter user. When his nephew Ethan’s kindergarten class wrote their own cookbook, Jordan had to share it with with his Twitter followers.

Ethan’s teacher asked her students to explain how to prepare their favorite foods, and she wrote down their responses word for word. Let’s take a closer look.

Ethan’s Eggs

Photo Credit: @jordankadams97

It would be an impressive act of cooking alchemy to to turn pancakes, sugar, and Skittles into eggs. While Ethan’s ingredients might be a bit inaccurate, he does seem to understand eggs’ most important quality as a dish: they’re easy to make. Maybe not so easy that they only need two seconds to cook, but you get the idea. Solid work, Ethan.

Joe’s Tacos

Photo Credit: @jordankadams97

Joe is clearly a free-spirit in the kitchen, the sort of chef who goes by instinct, not by following a recipe to the letter. Details like cooking times and ingredients don’t need to be exact. You can even switch to an entirely different dish mid-cook, if you want to! “Brown candy” also sounds intriguing. Joe has all the makings of a future professional chef.

Sebastian’s Pancakes

Photo Credit: @jordankadams97

$7o pancakes made entirely out of salt? This kid should open up his own restaurant and become the Salt Bae of breakfast food. At the very least he needs his own Food Network show. Also, nice work reminding everyone to clear the table after eating, Sebastian. Clean-up is part of cooking, too.

Ariana’s Macaroni

Photo Credit: @jordankadams97

Creative! Macaroni and cheese that includes apples and strawberries sounds like the result a crazy Top Chef challenge that required chefs to combine four random ingredients. Could be delicious, could be disgusting! Then Ariana takes things one step further by including ingredients that are inedible. Top Chef should definitely make the contestants cook something with doll parts. Also, I now realize that every recipe should include a trip to the swimming pool. Thank you, Ariana.

As you can imagine, the kindergarten cookbook went massively viral, racking up over 70,000 retweets, 170,000 likes, and hundreds of responses.

Some folks actually wanted to try the recipes.

While some teachers wanted to try writing a cookbook with their classes.

But most of all, people wanted more.

Maybe one day we’ll all be able to read The Kindergarten Cookbook, but until then, these four recipes will have to do.

The post A Teacher Asked Kindergarteners to Create Cook a Book. The Recipes Are Hilarious. appeared first on UberFacts.

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These Easy Back-To-School Tips Might Have Teachers Cheering

Teachers, listen up! With everyone back to school, here are a few teacher life hacks to help you get through the year!

10. A wireless doorbell can silence a class and save your voice.

9. This pillowcase hack will keep your room organized.

8. Keep your tissue boxes from walking away.

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What’s the best way to show you the most amazing teacher hack ever? With an animated version of how it works, of course! . . Are you tired of the tissue box going missing? Are you concerned about all the germs on the box? If you are, go snag yourself one of these bad boys! . . I bought my under the counter thingy at Walmart, trimmed the grate to fit where the entire tissue comes out. Shake the box up really good so the tissues loosen up inside and they come out easier. Hang it in a convenient spot and you’re good to go! If you need a tutorial of how I did mine, go check out my highlight story “Tissue Box Hanging Thingy Hack” . . . #teachovertherainbow #texas #iteachintexas #texasteachersofinstagram #teachintheheartoftexas #texasteachertribe #texasteachers #4thgradeteacher #4thgrade #iteach4th #libertyelementary #LISD #teachersofinstagram #teachersfollowteachers #tftpickme #iteachtoo #teacherlife #teachersofig #teachergram #teachermom #teachersofinsta #teacherlove #allthingsrainbow #classroompinspirations

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7. This glue hack will save teachers money while keeping craft time neat and tidy.

6. Keep your students focused on reading with these easy-to-make reading strips.

5. Salt shakers are a great tool to keep glitter organized (if not totally contained).

4. A closet shoe organizer can hold almost anything.

3. With the help of a few household items, you can create a fun word game.

2. Eliminate lost pencils by having your students place them in personalized toothbrush cases.

1. And lastly, teachers. Set an alarm and remember to leave work at a decent time. You need your rest!

 

You got this teachers – we’re rooting for you!

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Instagram Account Collects Miserable Kids’ Letters Home from Camp

In theory, summer camp is supposed to be something like paradise. It’s a chance for children to escape their urban or suburban lifestyles and experience nature for a few weeks, as well as make lifelong friendships and maybe even build character. But anyone who’s been to summer camp knows it’s far from perfect. It’s hot, buggy, and uncomfortable. Those “friends” you’re supposed to make might turn out to be jerks, just like the people back home.  And the only “character building” you’ll really do is realizing that you’re an indoor person.

The official anthem of summer camp misery has to be Allan Sherman’s iconic Camp Granada Song, aka “Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh.” In it, a miserable camper writes a letter home to his parents, listing all the unpleasantness he’s been subjected to. But real-life children write these letters too, and they’re just as hilarious. There are so many examples online now that someone was able to create an entire Instagram account to share them, called Homesickdotcom.

Below are 15 letters from campers who can’t wait for summer vacation to be over.

 

 

1. When summer camp feels like prison camp.

 

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“Each day seems like 10 years..” (camp in ? years) #homesickdotcom #sleepawaycamp

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2. S.O.S.

 

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Rookie tooth fairy on duty ? #homesickdotcom #campletters #sleepawaycamp

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3. The negotiator.

 

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“Listen here and I mean it!” Lol, mom wonder where she got that from… #homesickdotcom

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4. Cold showers, hot emotions.

 

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Ahh the comforts of home….. #campletters #sleepawaycamp #homesickdotcom

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5. A child learns about poison ivy, and oversharing.

 

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So glad that rash is gone…. #homesickdotcom #sleepawaycamp

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6. Not a happy camper.

 

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May we recommend that his post-camp shower include a bar of soap in his mouth ? ??#homesickdotcom #campletters #sleepawaycamp

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7. Fill in the blank.

 

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in a writing class ✏ , we would call this sticking to the theme… #campletters #sleepawaycamp VERY #homesickdotcom

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8. Pretty sure he didn’t learn that in arts & crafts.

 

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One of these things is not like the other ? #sleepawaycamp #campletters #homesickdotcom

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9. That’s a sh*tty situation.

 

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“The septic tank is rupturing” ??Thank you @scarymommy for posting #linmanuelmiranda’s #homesickdotcom letter!

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10. She just needs her space.

 

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DO NOT DISTURB #homesickdotcom #campletters #sleepawaycamp

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11. Cry me a river.

 

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It’s very important to show proof of sadness! ? #homesickdotcom #sleepawaycamp #campletters

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12. The paper connoisseur.

 

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looks like someone needs a @staples run… #campletters #homesickdotcom #sleepawaycamp

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13. We’re long past “Mom” and “Dad.”

14. Call me maybe?

 

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#linmanuelmiranda was a #homesick camper too! ? #sleepawaycamp #campletters #homesickdotcom

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15. Careful, kid. That makes it premeditated.

 

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Way harsh Tai…. #homesickdotcom

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