Doctors Talk About the Different Excuses They’ve Heard From People With Objects Stuck in Their A**

Imagine walking into the emergency room and having to explain this kind of problem to a doctor…

That would be totally humiliating.

But it happens. A lot. Probably way more than any of us realize.

Let’s check out these TRUE stories from AskReddit users.

1. I slipped.

“My mom told me about this one when she was doing rounds in the ER.

Guy came in with a bottle of Worcestershire up his butt. Said he was making a sandwich in the shower and slipped and fell on it.”

2. Honesty…

“I have the worst, but possibly the most honest response I’ve gotten.

I was an EMT and ran a call at a methadone clinic. She was a 28 year old female who had possibly OD’d. When we got there she was sitting on the ground completely naked.

My captain asked what was up her ass to which I responded quickly as “trashbag sir” For some reason there was a contractor bag jammed right up her anus. My captain ordered me to remove it and it felt like I was a magician pulling a bunch of napkins out of a dove, or whatever magicians do.

She looks at me without a word. Until I asked her why there was a trash bag up her ass, at which point she responded ” we didn’t have a condom”

This was my second week on the job.”

3. Disgusting!

“I once had to take a guy to the OR to remove a cucumber from his rectum since it had migrated up further than could be extracted manually.

I don’t remember his excuse, but it had been in there for more than a week and when we took it out it had started to pickle…”

4. Air freshener.

“20 years ago, an ex was an ER nurse. A guy came in with a Magic Mushroom air freshener stuck up in there. He was embarrassed, and did not even attempt to explain it.

She said that when the doctor got it out, he said “Funny. It doesn’t smell pine fresh?” And everybody laughed. I am kind of surprised that didn’t lead to a lawsuit.”

5. Wow…

“RN here.

Had a Jehovahs Witness gentleman admitted to ICU with his bowels perforated. States he had constipation so he decided he needed a cleaning. He happens to do pipework so he hooked some pipes up to the hose then inserted the other end in his rectum to just give it the ol’ swish and dump.

Burst his colon from the pressure and/or the hard pipe crammed up his butt. Unfortunate thing was he needed a blood transfusion but oops, he’s a Jehovahs Witness so no go. I learned then that they actually send a group of people to the hospital to watch you and make sure you don’t stray from your faith.

I always wondered what he told them….”

6. Lost count…

“I’ve lost count how many rectal foreign bodies I’ve removed.

But there was this one kid, well teenager. He got a AA battery stuck up his butt. Told his mom that he had been experiencing constipation and thought his butthole was just too small for the poop to get through, so he was trying to dilate it with the battery.

Umm… yeah… OK.

The kicker was that his mom completely bought this story, and she’s there telling me how this whole thing happened to her precious, innocent son.”

7. Happy holidays!

“A Christmas tree.

Not a doctor, my dads coworker had to have an artificial Christmas tree removed from his ass. Getting decorations off the attic, floor fell through, and he crashed through the ceiling and straight onto the Christmas tree.

He had to be airlifted to the hospital. They said the pressure from his jeans getting rammed up there when he fell is probably what saved him from bleeding out. No I don’t know how far it went up there and I don’t want to ask.”

8. It was still on!

“Friend of mine was doing an ED rotation as a medical student and they had a guy come in around 8pm saying he’d internalized something and couldn’t get it out.

They did the triage and asked him to sit down in the waiting area until a doctor was available. For the next few minutes there’s a really strange humming sound every now and then – which they eventually figured out was because the vibrator was still on.

Turns out usually people wait for the batteries to die before coming to hospital, but this fellow had to pick his wife up from the airport at midnight and didn’t have time to wait.”

9. Let’s get to the truth.

“One claimed that he was assaulted and the perp stuck up a dildo up his behind after the attack. He wouldn’t admitted foul play until we were going to call police.

The second one claimed that “he accidentally fell on this candle cup stand (the most common excuse used by these people).”

10. Attached.

“I was a student at the time working in the ER when medics brought in a couple “attached” to each other.

According to them, they were at a pool party when 1) the lights went out 2) as they were swimming around in the dark, they both felt something “crawl” up their asses…Anal beads. One end in the female, the other in the male.

My friend thinks the reason behind this story is because BOTH their significant others were in the waiting room…”

11. Wasn’t paying attention…

“Not a physician yet – still in medical school. On a shadowing rotation, a young woman came into the ER with a cucumber up her butt. When prompted why and how it got there, she responded with “I wasn’t paying attention while I was cooking”.

Her boyfriend had a different story…”

12. Don’t do drugs.

“Mom worked in admitting for the ER.

Guy came in with flashlight stuck.

She asked why he had done it and he said “well, I was on drugs and it seemed like a good idea. Sober me disagrees”.”

13. I’m not buying that…

“Just last week, my patient said she swallowed a toothbrush as a teen, 20 years ago, when asked about the toothbrush in her colon.”

Now it’s your turn!

Have you ever had to admit something totally embarrassing to a doctor?

Or maybe you are a health professional and have heard some real doozies in your life?

Tell us all about it in the comments!

The post Doctors Talk About the Different Excuses They’ve Heard From People With Objects Stuck in Their A** appeared first on UberFacts.

July 15, 2020

Health Care Professionals Talk About People Who Came in With Objects Stuck in Their Butts

That was a terrible accident!

I don’t know how that got there!

Where am I?

Doctors hear all kinds of bogus excuses and stories, particularly when it comes to things that ARE STUCK IN SOMEONE’S ASS.

And yes, these things apparently happen all the time.

Are you ready to be entertained?

Let’s take a look at these stories from folks on AskReddit.

1. OH MY GOD.

“A college friend who is an OR nurse said the best thing she ever witnessed was a small snow globe with the message “World’s Greatest Dad” on the inside.”

2. Love triangle.

“Saw someone with a remote control stuck way up in their colon. She said she was “getting herself ready,” for anal sex with her boyfriend and then it got stuck.

The kicker was that she showed up to the hospital with her boyfriend AND her husband in tow!”

3. Mom!

“My ex is a ER nurse.

One night she sent me a pic of her computer of what she was working on. 16yo male brought in by his mother. Shoved a sausage up his ass and “lost” it. Imagine the embarrassment of telling mom … hey mom. I lost a sausage in my ass. Can you take me to the ER.

Fuckin kids.”

4. Come on, buddy…

“Had one guy tell me he slipped on a banana peel and landed on the upright vase on the floor.

He then proceeded to produce a banana peel for good measure.”

5. Holy sh*t.

“When I was a student working in an ER a guy came in with an unraveled wire hanger stuck and hooked up there.

He said he was trying to fish out the vibrator he lost.”

6. Hello?

“Guy came in with a cordless phone up his ass, like one of the old-school ones from 15 years ago.

He said that when he was in the kitchen bending over opening the oven door, someone threw it through his open window and it just went right up.”

7. An accident.

“It always boils down to the person “accidentally” sat on it.

The best my dad saw – a former emergency doctor – was a young guy who “accidentally” sat on a giant tub of vaseline. Accidentally.

I asked how doctors record that in their patient files, and the common way to do so is to say “the patient claims to have sat on x object.””

8. Don’t do that anymore, sir.

“Had this elderly guy come in with a cucumber up there. First month of residency, so my attending asks why did you put that up there? Guy, dead normal, says “well it was just like every Tuesday. I woke up, made some coffee, and sat on a cucumber.”

Stifling laughter my attending just said, “sir you shouldn’t do that anymore.”

He says “ok.” We removed it and never saw him again.”

9. That’s messed up.

“ER nurse: “I tried to dig something out of my ass with a BBQ skewer.”

Skewer got stuck. Ripped a hole in his intestines. He waited so long to come in he was septic. One STAT OR visit and an ICU stay later, “please don’t call my mom”.

Guy was tripping hard on LSD.”

10. Still telling jokes!

“Guy puts a vibrator (one of the massive cordless wand types) waaaaay up there, like a mega seed, and it gets sucked into the sigmoid colon.

When he gets to me in the ER I ask him how he was feeling. He answered, “well doc, I’m way better since the batteries died.”

Made my night.”

11. Honestly is the best policy.

“”I stuck it up there on purpose and now it’s stuck. Please help”

It was a perfectly honest and valid reason for have something stuck up your ass, and we helped. No further questions needed.”

12. I went to investigate.

“Presented at ER in Sydney with carrot stuck in the arse. Doctor: “What happened?”

Patient: ” I heard a noise in the garden. Went to investigate. Slipped and fell over. Carrot went up my bum.”

Doctor: “Carrots grow upside-down out your way huh?””

13. Naked gardening.

“Mostly bottles or vegetables. The aubergine was the biggest but potatoes and carrots seem to be popular.

Ketchup, mayo and glass cola bottles were common at one point. Also one butt plug and a toilet brush.

The last two were honest and very distraught. Others all had naked gardening stories.

There’s an even worse question you haven’t asked which is for things people have shoved up their urethras, only men in my experience.”

Okay, now it’s your turn!

In the comments, tell us about some embarrassing medical stories that either happened to you or that you know about.

Please and thank you!

The post Health Care Professionals Talk About People Who Came in With Objects Stuck in Their Butts appeared first on UberFacts.

July 14, 2020

Facts We Think You Will Find Very Interesting

I sound like a broken record, but we think it’s really important to keep showering you with quality facts because you always need to keep learning!

You shouldn’t stop being curious about the world after high school, or after college, or after age 40. I know people who are in their 70s who love to read about new subjects because they know how rewarding it is to be a lifelong learner.

So in the spirit of always learning, here are 10 facts that we think you will find incredibly interesting.

Enjoy!

1. Remember Total Recall?

That does not sound like fun…

Photo Credit: did you know?

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2. Stop tailgating!

Drives me insane.

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3. Loudest sound of all time.

And here I thought it was my mother-in-law’s voice! Hey o!

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4. This is so weird.

And also fascinating!

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5. The flu shell.

Ugh. I’m sick of all viruses…

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6. Very interesting…

What do you think?

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7. That is wild!

Isn’t nature just great?

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8. A fungus among us.

That is ENORMOUS. Wow!

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9. Take a look at your Chuck Taylors.

I didn’t know that!

Photo Credit: did you know?

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10. I love this!

Cheech and Chong for President and Vice President! Think it might happen…?

Photo Credit: did you know?

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Now we’d like to hear from you!

In the comments, please tell us about something really interesting that you’ve learned recently.

Share a link, a photo, or just tell us about it.

Thanks in advance!

The post Facts We Think You Will Find Very Interesting appeared first on UberFacts.

July 11, 2020

Enjoy These Quality Facts That May Teach You Something

Surprises are great!

And our amazing fact sets are always full of them, so be sure to read through a bunch of other ones that we have on our site.

Are you ready to learn some new facts that we’re pretty sure you didn’t know before?

Let’s take a look!

1. They will really wear you down.

Lay off of those things!

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2. Makes sense to me!

To heck with the cold weather.

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3. Get it on!

And make it good! It’ll be beneficial for everyone involved!

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4. Does this sound familiar?

I feel like I’m here this a lot lately…

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5. No proof…yet…

But maybe someday…

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6. That’s pretty crazy.

Here’s to new discoveries!

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7. At greater risk.

They go hand in hand.

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8. Casualties of war.

Sounds like a terrible way to die.

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9. This is awesome!

These folks were real badasses.

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10. Suffering from OCD.

What a strange life he had.

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Some great facts in there, no doubt about it!

Now we want to hear from you.

In the comments, please share something interesting that has surprised you lately.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post Enjoy These Quality Facts That May Teach You Something appeared first on UberFacts.

July 11, 2020

People Confess the Most Hurtful Thing a Doctor Ever Told Them

The doctor-patient relationship is one of the most sensitive trusts we have and it’s the one that can hurt the most when it’s callously broken.

Here’s the thing. Just because someone was smart (or lucky) enough to get through medical school and land a job, it doesn’t mean they know everything about everything (or even everything about anything outside their scope of expertise).

Not only that, but people are still formed by their experiences, their prejudices, the words and actions of their parents…which is to say, sometimes doctors aren’t very nice, or very tactful, and should have just kept their big mouths shut.

Here are 15 times like that, and I’m guessing most of these people are still working on getting over it.

15. Omg it’s Elaine Benes.

He asked me if I felt lonely

I said I don’t think of myself as lonely

He wrote down Lonely and underlined it.

14. What does that even mean, though?

My female doctor, now retired, once told me I had great birthing hips. I’m a male.

13. Unless he was talking about the size of the lump, I guess.

I went to get a lump on my groin checked out, and had to remove my underpants.

The doctor started a whole speech about “size isn’t everything”, which isn’t what I went there for.

12. Teenage girls get the short end of every stick.

When I was in middle school until 10th grade, I would get violent nausea anytime I got hungry.

It felt like my stomach was on fire, and I would miss a lot of school from feeling like shit (although I was a good student and wasn’t falling behind in any way). After a lot of fighting with my mother who accused me of exaggerating, she agrees to take me to a gastroenterologist to be checked out. Before agreeing to do an endoscopy, the gastro accused me of exaggerating because I was a teen girl and that’s just apparently what young women do, he suggested I was just making up these symptoms for attention, and then asked me point blank if I was lying about my pain level to skip school and suggested I had a mental health issue I was trying to cover for.

I had fucking GERD and severe acid reflux, as confirmed by the endoscopy he reluctantly agreed to perform on me. Instead of letting it go, the gastro made a point of angrily telling me that I had “the stomach of a 80 year old man” and must have been intentionally eating in a way to fuck up my stomach.

I have a family history of stomach problems and GERD. I don’t understand why it was so implausible that my brother could have acid reflux at a young age, but I must be a hysterical liar when I claim to have the same symptoms in my teens.

11. Maybe it was supposed to be a compliment? Sort of?

He said I should be happy carrying around a bit of weight.

Because in drought the fattest cows die last…. Seriously wtf

10. Imagine having the gall to tell someone they shouldn’t have procreated…after the fact.

When I was about 4 I got diagnosed with child asthma, doctor told my mum it was her fault because she decided to have a child despite having asthma herself…

9. I mean, at least she said nothing was wrong with you? Ugh.

I had gained a lot of weight around my mid section a few years back, and my periods stopped. I was scared, young, and thought I was pregnant, but the tests came back negative. I went to a doctor to have myself checked out and she did some basic tests before telling me.

“There is nothing wrong with you, you’re just fat”

I already had some body confidence issues, but hearing it from my doctor, when I was trying really hard to get in shape, really hurt, I worked hard to lose weight, but my belly wouldn’t shrink, I was starting to feel really sick, and went back to the doctor, who again told me it was that I was just fat. I was crushed.

A year later I went to the hospital for something unrelated, and it was discovered that I had a giant Ovarian Cyst, about the size of a newborn. It was throwing off my hormones, making me gain weight, among many other issues. I have since lost weight and am feeling super confident now, but that doctor really messed me up for a long time.

8. And that’s how that doctor died…

In the ER, about six months pregnant, with heavy spotting and no noticeable fetal movement. Idiot doctor is unable to find the baby’s heartbeat.

Just looks up at me and says, “Yep, probably dead in there.” He couldn’t possibly have said it in a more casual, offhand manner.

Note: I delivered my son three months later, perfectly healthy.

7. This kind of doesn’t surprise me.

First hospital visit: “there’s nothing wrong with your foot, now get your shoe back on and get back to work you fucking malingerer” after a solely visual inspection.

2 days of getting smoked all day long

Second Hospital visit: “Why are you walking on that foot, it’s obviously broken! Someone get that soldier some crutches!

6. To be fair, treating two-year-olds has to be rough.

Wife took our 2 y/o daughter to the doctor because she was sick and her behaviour seemed to be changing. She couldn’t eat or drink. Our local doctor said that’s how kids are sometimes and just monitor her behaviour.

As we were pretty sure there was something definitely wrong we kept seeing different doctors. Last one said we were acting hysterically and our behaviour were a problem. 5 days later our daughter seemed to had a seizure so we went to the hospital. Our daughter had a brain tumor and the doctor at the hospital said this should have been recognized sooner.

He was astounded that we’ve seen 5 doctors all blaming us as parents to “just be acting up over nothing”.

5. You have to advocate for yourself, for sure.

“It’s all between your ears” after missing at least one, but probably two crippling vitamin deficiencies by not ordering the right test.

It took me two and a half years of thinking I was lazy and pathetic before I went to another doctor and got diagnosed.

4. I think she might have chosen the wrong profession.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad”

The intake nurse at the in patient psychiatric unit I was checking myself into after a suicide attempt following a sexual assault.

3. I mean it’s not bad advice, but it’s not always the right advice, either.

Was having digestive issues I eventually learned were a result of my undiagnosed cancer.

Doctor suggested I should wipe better.

2. They’re just sadists with newer magazines.

Different kind of doctor, but a dentist (after poking that sharp piece of steel into my not dead yet gums)

“Oh come, on, it doesn’t hurt that much!” after I jumped and said “ow!”

I looked at him, got up and walked out.

I now have a very nice dentist

1. He was just being (mean and) helpful.

I went to get an earache checked and the first thing the doctor said was “Yeah so I’m gonna put you on some medicine for the ear but we’ve gotta do something about your face, your acne is absolutely terrible.”

Thanks doc.

I am appalled and secondhand angry, how about you?

I’m totally sorry if this has ever happened to you – tell us about it in the comments if you want!

The post People Confess the Most Hurtful Thing a Doctor Ever Told Them appeared first on UberFacts.

July 4, 2020

This is How a Lack of Alone Time Affects Mom’s Mental Health

If you’re a mother and you have young kiddos, or you remember what it’s like to have young kids, then there’s a good chance you already know what science and therapists are about to confirm – that burnout is real, and the toll that never having any time to yourself takes a mental toll that can grow into real trouble.

Kids need us. The smaller they are, the more they need us.

Image Credit: Pexels

Partners need us, too, and so do bosses and our parents and siblings and churches and friends…it honestly never ends, so unless you’re able to establish some firm boundaries and stick to them, there’s a good chance you’ve had a complete meltdown at least once since having a baby.

Licensed therapist Emma Bennett basically confirms what we all instinctively know when she says “I consider alone time a necessity, not an indulgence,” and maintains that mothers who don’t get enough can and do experience burnout, resentment, overwhelm, anger, and a loss of sense of self.

If you think you can manage those things, though, psychotherapist Eric Djossa says you could be taking a big risk.

“Lack of emotional or physical support can put mms at higher risk of developing a postpartum mood or anxiety disorder and lack of support/understanding can exacerbate these symptoms.”

At least one study has pointed to a lack of friend and family support as a risk factor for developing perinatal mood and anxiety disorders as well.

Image Credit: Pexels

This surprised even me – a 2018 survey of 2000 parents found that we only have an average of 32 minutes a day of “alone time.”

No wonder aw all need more!

Djossa says we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for it, and we shouldn’t feel guilty taking it, either.

“When moms are communicating they want time alone it usually means they want a break. I think that moms don’t get time alone when these connections and supports are lacking. They may feel both isolated and burnt out all at the same time. A remedy to this is ramping up supports and connections in order to have the ability to take a break. They need help. They are tired of being touched by tiny hands. They need a breather. But I think that this breather looks different for different moms.”

Watch a television show alone, read your book, talk to your partner, see a friend for coffee, take a bath – whatever it is for you, make sure you fit it into your daily schedule – but it should be something that nourishes and replenishes you to dig back in.

Moms, especially first time moms, can also be wary of leaving their babies with other people, but that’s something we can learn to let go of (to some degree) in time. It’s important to remember, Bennett says, that it can even be a positive thing for our kiddos, too.

Image Credit: Pexels

“Giving our children the opportunity to build other loving attachments to additional caregivers can be a good experience for children. It is OK to accept those feelings of nervousness and also try to work with them so you can have some separation.”

So, ladies, insist on some time for yourself. Even if it’s only a couple more hours a week, it’s better than nothing.

And, speaking from experience, absence really does make the heart grow fonder – and it also refills those wells of patience, too.

The post This is How a Lack of Alone Time Affects Mom’s Mental Health appeared first on UberFacts.

July 1, 2020

Doctors Recall the Biggest Fakers They’ve Ever Met

Oh, boy…

When you think of someone going into a doctor’s office and faking symptoms, or heading to the hospital with completely fabricated problems, it can be easy to judge. Do they want attention? Pain meds? Are they mentally ill?

Well, after reading all 16 of these stories, you’re still going to be judging…but if you’re like me, you’re also going to be fascinated by human psychology all over again.

16. I hope he told the truth in court.

Years ago I had a patient who had been rear-ended in an auto accident a few weeks before I saw her. She had a history of lupus.

She was decked out in the usual “I’m crippled” paraphernalia (crutches, neck brace, elbow braces, wrist braces, knee braces) and could barely walk.

I saw her a couple of times and she showed no improvement. One Saturday I was on call but had to take a ‘back streets’ route to the hospital because of an ‘event’ taking place on the main thoroughfare. I apparently drove through her neighborhood, because, wonders behold, there she was wearing old-lady spandex power walking down the sidewalk (holding weights in both hands). I did not call out to her.

Next week, she was back in clinic, with her “I’m crippled” getup on again. Hmmm. A few weeks later I got the subpoena for the deposition, and it all became clear.

15. Are they maybe just afraid they’re actually going blind?

Opthalmology technician.

People pretend to be blind all the time. Go to check their eye pressure with the tonopen (a device you poke them DIRECTLY into the eye with) and they go WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!?!?!?!?!

14. YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.

I’m a surgery resident.

When I was on my trauma rotation we had a patient come int after an MVC, with question that maybe the patient had seized and that had caused the accident.

So he’s in the trauma bay, and starts shaking. The trauma nurse goes “oh this isn’t a real seizure”.

And the patient stops shaking, sits up, turns to the nurse, and yells “you don’t know a fucking thing about me!”.

13. Guess he didn’t think too hard about that one.

Obligatory not a doctor …I’m a nurse.

We had a guy who had to come in every 3 months to get a medical certificate to say he couldn’t work at his retail job due to severe disabling back pain. He was receiving large amounts of insurance money for this condition. After the Dr had done his usual examination and questions and signed it off the guy asks the doctor to check his shoulder which doc does and asks how he injured it? Guy says playing rugby for a competitive team. Really says doc? How long have you been playing for them ?

Guy has been playing and training the whole time. Doc puts this info on insurance form . Doc loses his shit in staff room laughing.

Next week the patient loses his shit in reception because his insurance has been cancelled.

12. Some people are children forever.

Not a doctor but I was in the ER one night and there was a seeking drug addict who literally only acted in pain when there was staff around.

You ever see those videos where the little kid is fine and then they spot a parent and then bawl then immediately stop and be fine when the parent is out of view? Exactly like that. Sat fine, no movements or wincing or noises then wailing when a nurse was in the same vicinity, then back to fine when they left.

11. This is…really something.

Guy came to ER (I was a nurse at the time) for stomach ache when asking him about history he randomly mentions a fight with his girlfriend where she left in a tizzy and he fell asleep on the couch.

20 min later when we see the CT, he has a satellite cable remote wrapped in a condom lodged in his rectum. I suppose he intended to frame “her”. Didn’t get to hear the conversation he had with the doctor.

I was curious how he was going to explain why she was nice enough to wrap it in the condom.

10. My grandfather faked hearing loss whenever my grandmother was asking him to do something.

Audiologist (hearing specialist), have worked in private sector with legal claims, and with the V.A. handling veterans’ claims of hearing loss.

With those two populations, having people faking hearing loss is pretty common.

Now, as a professional, for me the hearing test starts when I call the person’s name from the waiting room. In a normal voice I call them, if they answer I already know that they’re normal/no worse than mild loss. This was the case with this guy. He answered and came in, we had a normal conversation. So, case history over, time to test, I give the instructions over the headphones at a reasonable 50 decibels (dB). “Raise you hand when you hear the tone.”

50dB tone, should be easy and clear, but he doesn’t raise his hand. I go up. And up, and up. Finally, I’m putting a 100dB tone in his ear, he’s flinching from pain it’s so loud, but he doesn’t raise his hand to indicate he’s heard the tone, even with re-instruction. I immediately know what I’m dealing with. I have taught entire classes on how to spot and try to get estimated true results from people trying to fake it. Long story short, I wrote a damning report outlining all his inconsistencies and faking behaviors. The thing that made this one so memorable, is that we had such a pleasant conversation before. He was a fire chief, I have firefighters in my family, it was one of those where you think “if it wasn’t for professional/patient appropriate distance, we could hang and be friends.” But then, this guy was determined to get a disability rating, and it just pissed me off.

I have other stories in case anyone is interested, but it’s likely this comment gets buried.

9. Yeah he draws the line at not being able to eat.

I am a nurse but not a doctor.

I had a patient who worked in a hospital (janitor) so he knew enough to fake a bit. He was seeking pain meds, complaining of chest pain, wanting morphine. He was worked up for everything cardiac and was fine. Then he tried to claim GI discomfort when he was being discharged.

Cleared again for everything. Faked chest pain again. Cleared again. Now he’s my patient. I’m a new face. He’s telling me he’s having abdominal pain. I call the doctor, knowing this guys history. He says he’ll be up to see him soon. This patient wants a ginger ale (some stomach ache). I decide to go to lunch. My coworker comes into the lunch room, disgusted. This guy had taken a dump in a basin and then dumped the ginger ale over it and tried to tell her he’d had fecal vomiting. He obviously needed dilaudid right now for the pain. I walked into his room and sure enough, a pile of shit in a puddle of ginger ale. I told him I’d have to take away his food and drinks and we’d have to put an NG down.

Suddenly he changed his tune. He admitted to faking it.

Why do these people do what they do??? (In the story, opioids).

8. Hahahaha she just couldn’t resist a peek.

4th year medical student

On my ER rotation and a trauma came in from a women that the had been arrested. During the drive the patient “banged” her head 4 times against the window of the police car and then went unresponsive.

She came to us with a bruise over her forehead and unresponsive. We all smelled bs but the patient was a great actor, didn’t even flinch during the digital rectal exam (which is standard for all patients that come in through the trauma bay). Though some of the nurses said that they caught her “peeking” at us when would leave the room.

We ended up getting a CT scan (which was normal) and was even considering intubating her to secure her airway when our attending finally walked over to her, opened her eye lids and held them open while telling her to wake up. Finally she started fighting to close her eyes and the jig was up. The doctor called her out and she proceeded to start screaming at us. She was much more pleasant when she was pretending to have a brain injury.

7. You never want to invite kidney stones from the universe. Fact.

ER nurse.

Bringing a patient back to a room who said he had kidney stones. I had him stop at the bathroom and get a urine sample. Dude comes out with with the specimen cup that literally has a piece of concrete in it. Looked him in the eye expecting some sort of joke.

He. Was. Serious.

I threw it away and walked his dumbass back to the waiting room to contemplate his stupidity.

6. They’ve gotta put something down in the chart.

Not a doctor but nurse. I once read a specialist’s consultation report and at the end of the report the actual diagnosis given was “fictitious ailment.”

5. This is a very powerful story about addiction. Because kidney stones are awful.

My next door neighbor would drink a 12 pack of Mountain Dew a day and keep kidney stones year round to get pills. He had a pretty sweet deal too, getting 90 loracets, 90 Xanax and 90 something else (i forget) every month from his doctor. He just couldn’t stop doing other drugs and pissing dirty.

I tell this story just because I was impressed with his determination to hurt himself and get surgery once a year just to get high. Like, the absolute determination that takes. My mother is a recovering addict and had been getting the same pills around that time and I don’t recall her intentionally hurting herself. She just went with already messed up issues before she got herself into a clinic to get clean.

4. Wait people do this?

I had a patient when I worked in a ICU that was sedated and on a vent.

A “family” member showed up out of nowhere and was staying day and night. I got pretty suspicious of them because they were clearly lying about knowing this person. Just talked to the fake family member about how it must have been sad since they just celebrated their birthday a week or so before getting ill. This person said it was a wonderful party and such, to which I replied their birthday hadn’t occurred yet and wouldn’t for months.

Turned out when security came it was a homeless person who snuck in and found a room with a sedated patient and decided to make it a place to stay. Needless to say security to enter the ICU was absolute shit.

3. Wow. My kids just get suckers.

When I was a medical student I worked in the pediatric side of the emergency room and we would give popsicles to all the kids. One afternoon an 8 year old came in with his father, and I asked what was wrong. The kid couldn’t remember what he complained about to his dad, and the dad couldn’t remember why he brought his kid in. The kid’s mom was a nurse, she was working at another hospital at the time, and she was the one that would keep track of these things. Anyway, after a few minutes trying to figure out what was going on the kid asked “so, can I have my popsicle now?” The kid was 100% healthy.

Unfortunately we reinforced bad behavior and both the kid AND the dad subsequently left with popsicles.

2. Kind of hard to blame him though, right?

Prisoner came in with signs and symptoms of a big stroke.

At that time the protocol was to get a non contrast head CT to rule out a bleed and then give tPA, a powerful clot busting drug that’s only worth the risk if the benefit is to mitigate a major stroke. So that’s what happened.

Later in the course he got a little carried away and started embellishing his story with symptoms that didn’t make sense with his stroke diagnosis, and that’s how we figured out he was faking it just to get some time away from jail.

1. What a smart little twerp.

My cousin got glasses. Her 7 year old little sister also wanted glasses because she thought it was so cool to wear them.

So she started telling her teachers she couldn’t read what was on the chalkboard. And she’d squint at home, and go incredibly close to the tv to watch things because she said she couldn’t see things clearly. Her parents got worried and took her to the doctor.

She read everything wrong on the vision test. Everyone seemed convinced that she needed glasses. But the doctor was a little concerned because the tests indicated she needed really thick glasses, and usually that wasn’t the case unless there was a family history of vision issues. Her parents both had 20/20 vision and her sister only had astigmatism. They all realized she was faking it.

So the doctor told her parents in front of her that she’d need some pretty intense eye surgery so she’d be able to see without glasses. They even wheeled in a machine to make it convincing to say they could do the surgery right then and there.

She freaked out, confessed to faking it all and started to cry. She got grounded for a while.

See what I mean? Human beings are so weird!

Do you have a story like this, from either the patient or doctor’s point of view? Tell us in the comments!

The post Doctors Recall the Biggest Fakers They’ve Ever Met appeared first on UberFacts.

July 1, 2020

Doctors Share the Biggest Faker They Ever Encountered

If you’re a Seinfeld fan (and of course you are) you probably remember when George fakes an arm injury to the point of actually having to go to the doctor to get it checked out.

The doctor says “may I suggest the possibility that you’re faking” and basically takes no prisoners in the face of a lying liar.

I sincerely hope these 18 doctors had the chutzpah to tell their faking faker patients the same thing.

18. How inspiring! Ha!

Whenever we had kids (usually teenagers) playing up their symptoms to extend their hospital stay, we would order them into a healthy lifestyle.

Lights out at 9, no screen time for two hours before bed time, healthy diet chock full of fruits and vegetables, screen time limits, minimum number of laps around the unit per day to get in their exercise…. they got better so much faster with our healthy lifestyle tips!

17. This guy really knows how to paint a picture.

Taking trauma call during surgery residency, had a prisoner come in after a fight and claimed he couldn’t move or feel his legs. All the CT scans and MRIs were normal, but we would shield his legs so he couldn’t see them and poke them with needles and other sharp objects, with enough force to cause pain- he never flinched or moved his legs at all. He was diagnosed with SCIWORA (spinal cord injury without radiographic abnormality).

He stayed in the hospital for a week, no improvement. Always had one guard with him. One night they were down in the lobby watching some television but the guard needed to use the restroom. The patient said, “where could I possibly go? I’m paralyzed!” Guard left him alone for two minutes.

Patient last seen sprinting down the road, naked butt cheeks flapping in the breeze. Made it to a city four hours away by car before he was caught again. I have never seen anyone fake it so well. Truly playing the long con!

16. Some of these are just plain sad.

Sorta along the same idea. Working at a pharmacy we saw a guy come in to try and get a refill on some pain meds that had no refill. After pleading that his ear really hurt we told him again we couldn’t refill it. One of the other employees saw his step into a side hallway and take a pencil and JAM it forcefully into his ear repeatedly, drawing blood. He calmly left and went to the ER. He came back a few hours later with a prescription for pain meds.

15. This is completely flabbergasting.

Dermatologist here

Patient was convinced she had a melanoma and needed a biopsy and would need to be on workers comp

I told her it looked like ink from a marker

She demanded a biopsy

I wiped the area off with an alcohol swab and showed her the ink and that there was no spot on her skin anymore

She stormed out threatening to sue

I’m just glad I cured her melanoma

14. I hope the warning worked.

This patient comes in for back pain with “weakness” of the legs. Gets a full workup with MRI, standard blood work, and then some immunological things to look for stuff like myasthenia gravis. No neurological or immunological explanation for the “weakness.” Patient is seen by physical therapy and they are of the opinion that the patient is holding back intentionally.

Go to see the patient at the end of the day and prep them for discharge. Patient is infuriated that they’re being discharged. Yelling and screaming about how they aren’t better, how they’re disappointed in the institution, blah blah blah. They said one particular thing that still clearly stands out 3-4 years later. “I can’t believe you’re sending me home already. I haven’t even told my family I’m here, and now you’re going to send me home before they even have the chance to see me?”

My attending and I leave the room to arrange things with the nurses. We go back in and the patient is out of bed and standing up in the middle of the room. Miraculously the patient is able to walk with zero assistance when they had so much difficulty with any assistance over the previous two days. At that point, they were enraged was enraged we went in to the room without knocking. They were discharged home after a conversation regarding abuse of medical services.

13. It’s a miracle!

Had a patient come in for a fall who now couldn’t move their legs at all. Did a bunch of tests, didn’t find anything. The patient was not at all phased by suddenly being paralyzed which was the first red flag. Didn’t really believe anything was wrong but the patient was still not moving their legs. My options are to admit for a huge work up or get them to walk. So I update them saying everything is fine, tests are negative, you can go home. Patient gets up, gets dressed and walks out without a word.

12. And this was a grown adult.

Had a patient when I was an intern feigning blindness. She would constantly be playing on her smartphone, only furiously trying to hide it when someone from the care team came into her room. The best was when my attending one day strolled pst her room and threw his hand up in a highly exaggerated ‘hello’ wave. She started to throw her arm up to but caught herself half way through, then threw her hand back into her lap and pretended to be ‘staring’ off into nothing.

11. This might be one of the saddest stories I’ve ever read.

Not a doctor but worked in health care for nearly 20yrs. While taking a break from the ICU (due to it being emotionally draining) I worked in home health for a bit. I had a patient who clearly had munchausen syndrome. On a daily basis she would call her insurance to see what things would be covered if she was diagnosed with this or that. She called her Doctor’s office an average of 5x during my shift with her, she would report all kinds of non real symptoms. She pestered the doctors into do exploitive laparoscopic surgery, of course nothing was found. One day I walked in and she was rubbing her incisions with rotten cabbage trying to get it infected. She wasnt seeking pain meds (except to sell) really she was just as happy with antibiotics or stool softeners, anything, as long as they wrote her a prescription and she got to go to the pharmacy where she did a whole song and dance for them too, claiming allergies and reactions.

She always increased the exaggeration of her story too. One time she fluttered her eyes (after making sure I was looking) and said she lost consciousness in that half a second. She called the doctor and claimed she lost consciousness for 5mins, she called the insurance and claimed it was 10min, she called the pharmacy and claimed it was 30min, then she called 911 and told them she woke up on the floor after loosing consciousness for 4hrs.

The worst thing about her was she was a mom. Her son was 28 at the time and by all the stories of his childhood illnesses and all her saying how he is severely disabled I knew she basically fucked up his childhood with munchausen by proxy. She portrayed him as being severely disabled and that’s why he would never find a wife…I met him, he was healthy and of average intelligence. He wasnt looking for a wife, he was gay, but she refused to accept that.

Working with her was so miserable that I took a couple years off from any and all healthcare after that.

10. Another Festivus miracle!

Nurse for an ophthalmologist here. Had a 21 year old new patient claiming to be completely blind from a sudden and severe glaucoma diagnosis from a previous unknown doctor. Would feel around while walking, tried to keep eyes rolled back into his head. The whole 9 yards. He said he is a famous YouTube rapper that is now unable to make videos or earn a living. I exclaimed to have heard of him before and very excitedly asked him to search and show me his YouTube channel on my phone so that I could subscribe. He took my phone out of my hand and effortlessly found the YouTube app and typed away in the search bar. Oh, and of course his eyes were back to normal and focused.

9. Hahaha that’s one way to cure them.

We had a patient faking a seizure so my supervisor told one of us to get the “brain needle”.

The patient made a miraculous and swift recovery without intervention.

8. Soccer players, man. Wimps.

One time my roommate (who is an ICU nurse) came to see one of my indoor soccer games. During the game a player on the other team went down “hurt” and starting screaming in pain and swearing and rolling around while holding his ankle before he was eventually helped off the field. He then limped over to where the fans sat and watched the rest of the game brooding in silence before he left early. After the game my roommate told me he was going to go over and see if there was anything he could do to help, until he saw that the guy was limping on the wrong leg.

7. Talk about a crazy (life-saving) coincidence.

Young (18-20) Woman went running into small rural hospital ER pretending to have abdominal pain. Police officer had tagged her going 40+km over the limit which was ‘stunt driving’ as per the new law in Ontario (impound and license suspension automatic). Cop followed her into ER and apparently said he’d be waiting for her when she left.

Locum staff such as myself were housed at a small B&B about 15 mins away, and the ER had pre-printed order sets to be done before we arrived.

When I arrived she flat out admitted that she just came in because she freaked out and didn’t stop. I told her we’d give her 45 mins to call her parents/family before I booted her.

Except, bHCG came back positive, and subsequent ultrasound came back showing extremely early ectopic.

Officer figures out something is up when he hears air ambulance call come in over radio.

She was completely asymptomatic and just worked out that she dodged both charges and a life threatening issue by accident.

It was definitely a WTF moment.

6. I need to know why, though.

I once saw a patient who had been faking paralysis of the legs for years. Used a wheelchair, never walked, etc. Old records showed extensive imaging, neurology consults, and other tests that proved the patient had full function of all extremities. Family/friends were just going along with it. Not sure if it was really conversion disorder or if the patient had some secondary gain issue.

5. Was she trying to get out of work, or…?

Physical therapist here.

Working mom comes into the clinic with her infant in a stroller. She’s limping like she’s got a nail in her foot. Wincing in pain and tears in her eyes. She’s crying during her visit with the PT. None of us think she’s faking it…

She limped out of the clinic. I glanced out of the window and saw this woman BOUNDING down the sidewalk. Hips swaying, full stride, going places.

We were all fools.

4. Things they probably don’t prepare you for in medical school.

Was told this one by a fellow nurse I used to work with when we had a psych floor. It’s not unusual for psych patients to stash things in various orifices. This one woman was convinced she was impregnated by a ghost like figure but no one would believe her.

So one day she started complaining of massive pelvic and uterine pain. She called them contractions. So the doctor goes to do an exam. The doctor feels something larger in there so they prep a table to get the object out which was quite large.

So the wonderful third year helping with the procedure starts hearing this woman complain of contractions and yelling things like “ SHOULD I PUSH!!!! I’M GONNA START PUSHING!!!”. Doctor trying to work forceps around this woman’s parts as to not hurt her. Finally goes “got…” and as he starts saying “it” he pulls out a baby doll. Head only.

The poor med student did the wobble. Went all flush, had problems keeping balance and about took a dive. I was told he didn’t live that down the whole rotation.

3. Oh my god this is horrifying.

Pediatric neuropsychologist. Got a referral for more or less consolidation care. Patient was 13, wheelchair bound, required therapeutic oxygen, seizures, arthritis, musculoskeletal problems, suspected autism, completely nonverbal, severe behavior challenges, the list goes on. He was being followed by at least 8 different specialties, clearly none of whom were communicating with each other, and med list was ~18 prescriptions long including some incredibly heavy duty stuff (opioids, antipsychotics, antiepileptics, that sorta stuff). Got kicked to me after his umpteenth ER trip because the ER doc felt something was off and he needed someone to look at the whole picture.

Factitious disorder by caregiver, or Munchausen by proxy. All of the original symptoms were parent reported, going back to about a year old. It had possibly started with a febrile seizure (fever induced seizure) in infancy, but this was never witnessed by anyone but mom she it’s unclear. She had been telling docs different things. She was convinced her son had all these disorders, told him he was going to die any day. He got a Make-A-Wish trip, donations, etc.

He was removed from her custody and taken off most of his meds. Within a few weeks he was out of the wheelchair playing basketball, no oxygen, super talkative and friendly, no behavior problems. He did have a pretty significant intellectual disability, but there’s no way to say if that was organic or the result of the prescription cocktail he had been fed all his life. Hopefully with some good therapy and a stable home, he can continue to make progress.

2. I’ve been tired as a mom, but not THIS tired.

Not a doctor, but am a UK based midwife.

Had a patient who had been in and out of hospital throughout her pregnancy with episodes of heavy bleeding. This was her 6th baby so she was a fairly well known patient in our unit. The issue was no one had ever seen her actively bleeding, she’d call saying that she had bled down the toilet but flushed it, and all the examinations we did came back completely normal with mostly no evidence of any bleed whatsoever, on occasions during speculum examinations we’d see the smallest amount of blood.

I was caring for her during a shift where she yet again called to say she was bleeding, walked into her room and found her jabbing around her vagina with a sharp object to make herself bleed. She had been doing it the entire pregnancy, the reason she gave – because she had 5 noisy children at home, needed some rest and knew we wouldn’t admit her to hospital if it wasn’t for a good reason. She would do it any time her being discharged home was mentioned. We ended up having to complete a perinatal mental health referral and consult with the safeguarding midwives as she was putting herself and baby at risk of serious harm.

1. You’ve got to learn to have a little fun I guess.

My brother was an EMT for two years and he told me this:

People will try to use the ambulance as a means for transportation from Fulton to Oswego (because the hospital is in Oswego), by faking seizures. Sometimes when the head EMT guy was feeling fun and knew that the person was faking, he’d say something like “man it’s weird that he’s having seizures but not peeing himself”. Apparently the person would kind of snap out of it for a second, weigh up the repercussions, then either pee themselves or stop faking. I thought that was hilarious.

Why are people like this?? I think some of them might have needed a mental eval.

If you’re a doctor, has this happened to you? Tell us your story in the comments!

The post Doctors Share the Biggest Faker They Ever Encountered appeared first on UberFacts.

June 25, 2020

The 6 Types of Acne and Why They Might Pop Up

Acne can cause problems beyond damaged skin. Dealing with acne can be stressful in itself, which doesn’t exactly help it go away, either.

But did you know that there are actually six types of acne? And while there isn’t always an answer for everything, there are different reasons why acne may occur. Let’s take a closer look at each type of acne, including inflammatory acne and the noninflammatory variety.

Whiteheads

Photo Credit: Pixabay

One of the most common forms of acne, whiteheads fall under the noninflammatory category. These whitish-colored bumps have a white center in the middle of a red halo. You may find a hair come out from the center.

Whiteheads are a direct result of clogged pores. This can occur from dirt, oil sebum, or even dead skin cells that are closed within a pore.

Blackheads

Like whiteheads, blackheads also fall under the noninflammatory type of acne. However, they are characterized by dark, black-colored spots. These appear in the form of raised bumps.

Blackheads can also be caused by blocked pores, most often by hair follicles.

Pustules

Photo Credit: Pixabay

More commonly referred to as pimples, pustules are often tender, larger bumps with a circular center. Inside, you’ll find a yellow/white pus covering a red base. Essentially, they look like whiteheads that are much more inflamed.

Pustules can be caused by a number of factors, including an allergic reaction, insect bite, or clogged pores.

Papules

Falling under the inflammatory category, papules are located under the surface of the skin. They are raised, pink, and tender. However, they don’t have a visible center.

Papules can be caused by several skin conditions, including warts, eczema, or skin infection. You can also get papules from an allergic reaction.

Nodules

Nodules are one of the most painful forms of acne. These inflamed, hard lumps can be found deep within the skin and can become severely complicated.

Nodules are formed when clogged pores damage the cells and tissue deep beneath the skin’s surface. Let’s just say this can turn into a painful process.

Cysts

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Finally, the last form of acne is cysts. Essentially, they are pustules that become infected. Cysts are often filled with puss and can cause severe skin issues such as scarring.

Has acne ever been a problem for you? What did you find helped treat it? Tell us your tips and tricks in the comments below!

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