Tweets to Help Us Change Our Life for the Better

Are you looking to make a change in your life? Improve yourself somehow? Are you tired of reading through mountains of self-help or trying out various religions, or, even more extreme, trying to use a Peloton?

Well, never fear because you don’t need any of that to become inspired. All you need is some tweets.

Consider these suggestions for ways in which you might get a leg up on life.

13. Become a beekeeper

It’s fun, fast, and easy!

12. Just quit

Be like Pluto – large but not quite large enough for anybody to care.

11. Become ungovernable

Power to the people. Quite literally.

10. Get your priorities straight

NOBODY misses Theodore’s bassoon recital.

9. Check in with friends

Why create masked calls for attention when you can be straightforward?

8. Move to Canada

Just make sure you do your research first.

7. Get into the improv scene

Or maybe don’t.

6. Find your love language

And stick to it.

5. Challenge the past

What’s it gonna do, fight you? It’s in the past.

4. Make some art

Truly a masterpiece is what we’ve got right here.

3. Give to charity

Even if that charity is yourself.

2. Do a little snooping

Everyone around you has a story to tell, and some of them are absolutely dangerous.

1. Learn from the greats

Goldilocks crawled so that we could run.

I think that oughta be enough to get you started on your self-improvement journey. Do let us know how it goes.

What are your big self-improvement tips?

Tell us in the comments.

Thanks, fam!

The post Tweets to Help Us Change Our Life for the Better appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share Their Pets’ Hilarious Morning Routines

The morning routine. Everybody has one. For me it involves a lot of not getting up, eventually getting up, then walking from one end of my apartment to another, and going back and forth several times before beginning to consider doing a thing.

It’s not ideal, but at least it doesn’t work.

What I was *not* aware of is that most pets out there ALSO have morning routines. And if these examples from Reddit are anything to go by, they might just put mine to shame.

15. One nightstand

Is food time now.

Every morning my cat sits like this on my nightstand from cats

14. Another day in paradise

“Oh thanks gawd. You did me a heckin’ scare again.”

Every morning my dog wakes up, sees we haven’t abandoned him, and smiles so big and we give him all the loves from PuppySmiles

13. The rat attack

He knows what he’s doing.

My rat likes to give me a heart attack every morning by making be think he’s dead. from RATS

12. First rays

Last one there is a rotten doggo.

Every morning my dogs charge out of the bedroom to bask in the morning light while I make coffee. from redscarepod

11. Sweet treats

“If I don’t get ’em, nobody does.”

She sits here and waits by the treats every morning. Yes those are dog treats, she wants those too. from Chonkers

10. The big stretch

Namaste.

Every morning my dog goes into the exercise room to stretch on the yoga mat. from dogpictures

9. From the gecko

Just checkin’ in on each other.

Every morning my cat jumps on the back of my chair to see my leopard gecko, who in turn always waits at the corner of his tank to see her. from MadeMeSmile

8. So patient

Play time is nigh, I can feel it in my bones.

Every morning my dog sits on the edge of the carpet waiting for her tiny humans to wake up. from aww

7. The toes knows

Looks like he’s swearing an oath or something.

Ike cleans between his toes on my boyfriend every morning from spreadytoes

6. Toby

This is a show of dominance.

This is how Toby likes to dry off after a bath. On my head. Every time. Pardon my messy hair, I had a bird in it all morning. from parrots

5. Pillow, please

Shall we start the negotiations? The bidding begins at five scritches.

Every morning my dog takes it a step further and makes himself comfortable on my pillows and gives me the, "These are mine now" look. from aww

4. Shower police

Juno, you little perv.

Every morning, Juno has to sit on the toilet while I shower. If I lock her out she cries at the door until she’s let in. from cats

3. Show me the boy

He and I have great plans this day.

Every morning, our cat patiently waits at my sons’ bedroom door for them to wake up. And it’s not to be fed – he just can’t wait to see them. from aww

2. The pug place

So impractical. So cute.

Every morning my dog takes a litle nap on my wife’s ankle from aww

1. Squirrel gang

You will be overtaken soon.

I love my squirrelies!! I have plenty of peanuts but ran out of bird/squirrel food. Willing to risk my life going to Walmart tomorrow to buy more. Anything for my gang! I have at least a dozen that come to meet me at the back door every morning. from squirrels

Those are some good routines. And good animals. Just good times all around, I guess.

What’s your morning routine? How would you change it if you could?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Share Their Pets’ Hilarious Morning Routines appeared first on UberFacts.

Memes for People Who Really Know the Truth About Siblings

I have two sisters – I’m right in the middle actually. One two years older, one two years younger.

We were home a lot and naturally I wanted people to play with, but I quickly discovered that I did everything wrong. Specifically, I played Barbies wrong. I’m still not sure to this day what the correct way of Barbi-ing is, this remains an eternal mystery I don’t hold much hope of cracking, but I know that however *I* was doing it was definitely not correct, and I was thus usually expelled from play sessions pretty quickly.

And that’s just how it goes when you have siblings. You can’t do anything right, but you can’t do anything too wrong either. These memes know what’s up.

10. Wish away

Imagine living in this kind of perpetual fear.

Via: The Chive

9. Look, alike!

Not sure if insult, compliment, or completely neutral statement.

Via: The Chive

8. In retrospect

Oh that’s right, you’re my family.

Via: The Chive

7. No take-backs

This is OUR shirt, Comrade!

Via: The Chive

6. The summoning circle

Pretty fly for a wifi.

Via: The Chive

5. All’s fair in love and war

“Life isn’t fair,” is a great get-out-of-jail-free card for being a jerk.

Via: The Chive

4. Mom said

Oh y’all had XBOX growing up? Fancy.

Via: The Chive

3. A shining example

Meanwhile she doesn’t know you’re currently super high.

Via: The Chive

2. The struggle

That’s how it do.

Via: The Chive

1. The faker

It takes a while to learn how to spot, but you get there eventually.

Via: The Chive

Love your siblings. At the end of the day, they’re the only ones ya got.

What are yours like?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Memes for People Who Really Know the Truth About Siblings appeared first on UberFacts.

People Who Definitely Didn’t Put Safety First

When I was in high school, we used to all do this neat trick where we’d push down on the button of a lighter (without sparking it), and let the flow of butane gas fill up our mouths for a while before then sparking the lighter outside our mouths and blowing a big fire ball.

Now. I want to be as clear as I’ve ever been about anything: do not do this. It barely works, for one thing, and you’ve got a disgusting butane taste in your mouth for the rest of the day, which is probably all kinds of harmful, and not to mention, oh yeah, it’s *STUPID DANGEROUS AND YOU COULD BURN YOUR FACE OFF.*

When I look back at that sort of thing, and there are many other examples of it, I kind of wonder how I’m still alive. Which is probably what the people in these photos from Reddit wonder as well.

12. Very clear signs

How many screw ups had to occur before the second one went up just the emphasize the point.

11. Safety walk

Can’t tell if horrible safety precaution or he’s trying to escape.

10. No butts about it

Never a dull moment at the old explosion factory.

9. Puddle line

I may not be an electrician, but I’m pretty sure this is bad.

8. Well-read

Nobody cared who I was until I put on the mask.

7. Warning

Just, be warned. In general. Because what if this happened?

6. Fire door

The carts had had enough of being pushed around by the humans. They got into formation and prepared their revenge.

5. A truck truck truck truck

I think maybe we’ve got too many vehicles at this point.

4. The photoshoot

Safety harnesses sold separately.

3. Important attachments

Look I’m not here to kinkshame but…

2. Ladder day saints

Bruh how are you even doing that?

1. Water you doing?

Well, I guess technically that’s one way to ground.

I feel like I might be dead from just looking at those pictures?

What’s a dangerous stupid thing you’ve done that nobody ever should?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Who Definitely Didn’t Put Safety First appeared first on UberFacts.

Tweets That Will Make Sense to People Who Are Perpetually Anxious

I don’t want to say that I “have anxiety,” because I don’t really know what that means.

What I WILL say is that I’m constantly worried about absolutely everything and that worry is always turning to anger and that anger back to worry and I self-medicate in order to escape that cycle enough to rest and carry on with life.

Or wait. Is that just having anxiety?

If you clicked this link, you can probably relate. And so can all the people who wrote these tweets.

11. Just panicking

I promise you my brain works, just not particularly well.

10. Practice makes perfect

I never heard or registered any other part of the book or the knowledge it contained but it was well worth it.

9. You’re right

We need to take this to the next level, you and me.

8. Something’s off

It’s like having an alarm for just nothing in particular.

7. Isolation

It’s not you, it is most definitely me.

6. Join the black parade

He said son when
You grow up
Could you be…

5. Social battery drain

And then you just can’t possibly get out of there fast enough.

4. Tap the mic

Somehow I’ll just never trust that little icon.

3. Follow the light

Do you actually know or are you trying to get me to tell you?

2. The montage

Cue the music and grab the dial tone.

1. 50 years

I’m gonna be on my deathbed thinking about some petty crap I pulled when I was like 25, I promise you that.

I don’t know how to end this. I’m too nervous now. I love you? Goodbye? (Stupid…)

One a scale from 1-10, how anxious are you in general?

Give us your ranking in the comments.

The post Tweets That Will Make Sense to People Who Are Perpetually Anxious appeared first on UberFacts.

Memes for Everybody Who Knows All About That Sibling Life

When you look at the stats, you can see that at any given time, the most common number of children for a family to have is actually only one, followed by two, and trailing a bit distantly is three or more.

Which means that if you, like me, grew up with two or more siblings, your experience is actually in the minority, even though the things we’ve seen feel so very universal, and are so aptly expressed in these memes.

15. The attack

Oh now you’ve done it, you’ve unleashed the beast.

Via: The Chive

14. The difference

Gotta smile for the camera.

Via: The Chive

13. Oops

He was like this when I found him, I swear.

Via: The Chive

12. The oldest trick in the book

In the era of all-wireless controllers it’s even harder for them to tell.

Via: The Chive

11. Ending the cycle

I am with you in this cause.

Via: The Chive

10. The smug look

I have everything and you have nothing!

Via: The Chive

9. What a twist

Then you learn the trick and perpetuate it on others, that’s how this goes.

Via: The Chive

8. Take a seat

It’s not about comfort, it’s about the principal of the thing.

Via: The Chive

7. The ruse

TV day, here I come.

Via: The Chive

6. What’s mine is mine

We’re not super great at leaning toward equity naturally.

Via: The Chive

5. The switcheroo

You shouldn’t have. No really, you shouldn’t have.

Via: The Chive

4. Mean machine

I ain’t your dad.

3. Brutal

If you let me keep a 60/40 share of the money you can beat the crap out of me, homes.

2. Don’t tell mom

It goes on and on.

1. The look

This too shall pass.

Ah, siblings. Gotta love ’em. GOTTA.

What are your siblings like?

Tell us about them in the comments.

The post Memes for Everybody Who Knows All About That Sibling Life appeared first on UberFacts.

People Admit the Basic Facts They Learned Embarrassingly Late in Life

I had a friend who said something when we were in college that kind of blew my mind.

Someone referred to a celebrity as a “primadonna”, meaning someone who has a huge ego and is really impressed with themself.

My friend said he thought that term meant someone who was around “pre-Madonna.” Like the singer…

Hmmm…well, let’s just say we all had a good laugh at that one.

AskReddit users admitted what basic facts they learned WAY too late in life.

Let’s see what they had to say.

1. Ohhhh…

“I was 23 when I learned I was allergic to apples.

Someone was complaining about their throat closing up after s**king, and I responded with “oh yeah like when you eat an apple?”

You can imagine how the conversation went from there.”

2. A great drink.

“In my mid 20s I moved up the food chain from server to bartender at the restaurant I worked at. Someone ordered a Roman Coke. I didn’t know what was in a Roman Coke so I told him so and but that I would figure it out.

I figured out that what I had been understanding as a Roman Coke my whole drinking life, was in fact a Rum & Coke…that, I knew how to make!”

3. Oops.

“I’m from Pennsylvania. When they do the nightly lottery drawings on TV, they always add a reminder at the end: “Benefits Older Pennsylvanians Every Day!”

So, naturally, I just assumed that a lot of elderly people won the lottery. When I was a teen I made a joke to my dad about him turning 50 and having a better shot at winning the lottery, and he looked at me like I was nuts.

Turns out that “Benefits Older Pennsylvanians Every Day!” means that the lottery is a fundraiser for senior services, and here I was thinking that it meant Grandma was winning millions on her scratch-offs.”

4. From beyond!

“Space heaters are so named because they heat a room (a space), not because they look like futuristic devices from outer space.”

5. Good one, Mom!

“My mom used to tell me the car doesn’t start if the seatbelts aren’t buckled.

I didn’t know that wasn’t a real feature until I was 22.”

6. More lying moms…

“My mother told me that if you swallowed gum it would stick to your ribs.

I was in my second year of college in an Anatomy class when it hit me that this isn’t true.”

7. This is great!

“It took me an embarrassingly long time before I realized that when a movie had a blurb from Rolling Stone…it wasn’t The Rolling Stones reviewing it.”

8. Like unicorns, right?

“Reindeer are a real animal. When I found out about Father Christmas I thought that meant reindeer weren’t real.

I was very much an adult when I was very confused (and excited) to see one in real life.”

9. Don’t say that!

“When I was young, I found a Doobie bBrothers CD at a relative’s house.

I asked my mom what a Doobie was.

She said it’s a lady’s private parts and to never say it.

I was 17 before I saw someone call a joint a Doobie.”

10. Urban legend.

“There’s no chemical in the pool that reveals pee.

A buddy and I were talking about it and we both realized at the same time that nether of us have actually SEEN it.

We looked it up and felt dumb as hell.”

11. Billy goat.

“Ok so I grew up on a small farm.

We had cows, chickens, pig, rabbits and goats and more. On occasion we had to shear the goats, the goats would hold very still when being sheared. Like statue still. I saw this on pretty regular occasion.

When my parents would take me to get a hair cut they would tell the barber to give me a billy goat cut. Of course to me this meant hold really still, so I did. Had the same barber for a loooong time.

Eventually he passed when I was in high school. Leaving me to find a new barber. Imagine my and the new barbers surprise when he said “how do you want it cut” and I said I just want a normal billy goat cut….

This is one of those things that makes me cringe at night.”

12. Awkward!

“That Apollo 13 was an actual event and not just a movie starring Tom Hanks.

Would have been embarrassing in any context but all the more so when I was working with Cpt. James Lovell and asked him why he was signing new paperbacks of Apollo 13 with Tom Hanks on the cover, “Oh, did you work on that movie?” I asked. Beyond awkward.

We had an hour’s drive together and so after he patiently explained that he was on that mission and as I had not seen the movie, I asked if he would tell me the story. He laughed and agreed, “Ok! I’ve never met anyone who didn’t think they already knew the story…”

Hearing him tell it to me was riveting (and special) . 25 years later I still cringe but it was one of the best days in my life. He is truly an amazing human.”

13. Pretty confusing.

“The song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” is not about creepy infidelity, but rather, hinges on the fact that dads sometimes dress up as Santa.

Which I realized in my 20s when I brought it up with my Catholic roommate.”

Have you ever learned any basic facts embarrassingly late in life?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

Thanks a lot!

The post People Admit the Basic Facts They Learned Embarrassingly Late in Life appeared first on UberFacts.

People Are Putting Wigs on Dogs Now Because, Why Not?

I have a quick question for you. If you were to, hypothetically, head over to Instagram and search for the hashtag #dogwig, how many results do you think would pop up?

No cheating. No peeking. Take a guess. A few? Dozens? Hundreds? What if I were to tell you that the answer is *SEVERAL THOUSAND.*

That’s right, thousands of people found a wig, put that wig on their dog, took a picture of that, uploaded it to the internet, and took the time to be sure to add the right tag so that it could be properly found.

That’s just the world we’re living in. That’s just Instagram. And here are some of our favorite dogs that have been found as a result, with names and personalities we’re purely guessing about based on their aesthetic.

10. Mr. Stacks

Always has candy for you. Doesn’t understand why millennials are struggling because he thinks a four bedroom house still costs a dollar.

9. Leslie

Has some hot neighborhood gossip to tell you, if she can get up the nerve.

8. The Barrister

He has served this court for fifty years, and he’ll have none of your nonsense here.

7. Frank

One of the only people who has actually read all the books on his shelves. Doesn’t remember anything in them.

6. His Honor

Order. Order in the court.

5. Zachery

Disappointed by the sales of his latest album, but trying to rebrand that as a “turning point for him.”

4. Ashleigh

Just needs to bum a cigarette off you real quick if that’s alright.

3. Pat

Didn’t realize everyone else at this costume party was going to actually put in so much effort.

2. Cruella

A turncoat for dogs if ever there was one.

1. Margerie

Very happy you took the time to mow her lawn, now just wait right there and she’ll find her checkbook.

I love them all. I love their looks.

Which one is your favorite?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Are Putting Wigs on Dogs Now Because, Why Not? appeared first on UberFacts.

Failure Tweets Brought to Us By Funny People

If you think you’ve been failing lately, chances are you’re right. Because a lot of us fail in little ways all the time. It’s just part of life. Make peace with it. Find your zen.

One way to help you make peace with it might just be realizing how much worse other people fail and create facepalm inducing scenarios on a day to day basis.

And if you need examples of just that, look no further than the friendly folks of Twitter. They’ve got the fail you need to succeed. Or something.

12. I’m a weirdo

Radiohead is one of those things I absolutely love and am simultaneously embarrassed to be a fan of, because of stuff like this.

 

11. Ur cute

It’s like Schrodinger’s gay over here.

10. Thank you very much

Hey, some of us still like to show some manners in this society.

9. Charcuterie

I get it man, it really is quite a big commitment.

8. Welcome to the show

Definitely crossing a line there, but how were you to know?

7. They sucks

I mean, is this the singular they though?

6. Punch it up

How people manage to put this much work in for free I’ll never understand.

5. Out with the girls

You really need to be a kept man, don’t you?

4. That bites

Ma’am I don’t want to alarm you but I think you’re raising a vampire.

3. Carpe diem

And some denim, too, while we’re out here.

2. Look at this photograph

I feel like this might just be the worst picture of an elephant possible.

1. I no it

You no it, we all no it.

If looking at those facepalms doesn’t make you feel better about your own life, then I can only assume that you’re one of these people. In which case, I apologize.

What’s the worst fail you’ve had lately?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post Failure Tweets Brought to Us By Funny People appeared first on UberFacts.

This Guy Got Revenge on Someone Who Was Vandalizing Mailboxes

If you act like a jerk, it’s eventually gonna come back to bite you.

And that goes double for folks who intentionally mess with other peoples’ property.

And, at least in my humble opinion, this person definitely got what was coming to him…

Take a look at this story from Reddit about a vandal who learned his lesson in a painful way.

Intentionally unintentional revenge on a mail box vandal.

“This is my dad’s revenge, not mine and this happened last summer.

My parents live out on a lake just outside of town. Their property extends to both sides of the road, and their mail box is on the opposite side of the lake and the house.Over the 4 years they had lived at the property, a black SUV has knocked down their mail box 6 times (they catch the vehicle on the security camera on the gate but get no identifying info).

My dad would report it every time, but not much could be done. It was knocked over by a drunk driver once as well, but he crashed a bit further down the road so that was the only time that my dad got reimbursed for the damage.Well after the seventh time it was knocked down, he had had enough.

The land on the opposite side of the road dropped off steeply immediately after the shoulder, so my dad contracted some guys to build out a small gravel pad (15 feet long and 3 feet deep or so) so he could set his mail box back from the road. My dad told me that if someone tried to knock it down now, they would regret it.Well about 4 months after the work was complete, my parents were awoken to a loud crash in the middle of the night.

They called the police and went out to investigate. They found the black SUV off the road and having crashed into a very large tree.The guy was taken to the hospital and was charged with a DUI from the crash as well as possession of drugs they found in the vehicle.By building out the gravel pad and moving the mail box back by just a few feet, it still appeared that the mailbox was on the shoulder, and still seemed like an easy target.

In reality, those 3 feet made all the difference. Because the pad was so short, the vandal left the roadway before the pad started, and when the right side of his vehicle went off the shoulder, he car went veering down the steep incline.

The dude was pretty badly injured, and I know my dad felt bad about this. I think this was much more effective than he had in his mind.

My dad isnt the kind of person to intentionally injure someone, so I am sure he was hoping to just cause damage to a vehicle and teach a lesson that way.”

Wow…what a story…

Now let’s take a look at how Reddit users reacted.

This reader said they wouldn’t feel bad at all about what happened because the person was driving under the influence of alcohol.

Justice was served!

Photo Credit: Reddit

Another person argued that it didn’t really turn out the way the dad wanted, but the guy got what he deserved.

Photo Credit: Reddit

This individual said there might be some potential legal problems here for the dad, so they offered up an excuse about an excuse he could use if asked about what happened.

Photo Credit: Reddit

And finally, this Reddit user said that the dad was not to blame here and that this guy, who is obviously a jerk, did this to himself.

Photo Credit: Reddit

What do you think about this story?

Talk to us in the comments and spill your guts!

We’d love to hear from you!

The post This Guy Got Revenge on Someone Who Was Vandalizing Mailboxes appeared first on UberFacts.