Tweets That Will Make Sense to People Who Are Perpetually Anxious

I don’t want to say that I “have anxiety,” because I don’t really know what that means.

What I WILL say is that I’m constantly worried about absolutely everything and that worry is always turning to anger and that anger back to worry and I self-medicate in order to escape that cycle enough to rest and carry on with life.

Or wait. Is that just having anxiety?

If you clicked this link, you can probably relate. And so can all the people who wrote these tweets.

11. Just panicking

I promise you my brain works, just not particularly well.

10. Practice makes perfect

I never heard or registered any other part of the book or the knowledge it contained but it was well worth it.

9. You’re right

We need to take this to the next level, you and me.

8. Something’s off

It’s like having an alarm for just nothing in particular.

7. Isolation

It’s not you, it is most definitely me.

6. Join the black parade

He said son when
You grow up
Could you be…

5. Social battery drain

And then you just can’t possibly get out of there fast enough.

4. Tap the mic

Somehow I’ll just never trust that little icon.

3. Follow the light

Do you actually know or are you trying to get me to tell you?

2. The montage

Cue the music and grab the dial tone.

1. 50 years

I’m gonna be on my deathbed thinking about some petty crap I pulled when I was like 25, I promise you that.

I don’t know how to end this. I’m too nervous now. I love you? Goodbye? (Stupid…)

One a scale from 1-10, how anxious are you in general?

Give us your ranking in the comments.

The post Tweets That Will Make Sense to People Who Are Perpetually Anxious appeared first on UberFacts.

Memes for Everybody Who Knows All About That Sibling Life

When you look at the stats, you can see that at any given time, the most common number of children for a family to have is actually only one, followed by two, and trailing a bit distantly is three or more.

Which means that if you, like me, grew up with two or more siblings, your experience is actually in the minority, even though the things we’ve seen feel so very universal, and are so aptly expressed in these memes.

15. The attack

Oh now you’ve done it, you’ve unleashed the beast.

Via: The Chive

14. The difference

Gotta smile for the camera.

Via: The Chive

13. Oops

He was like this when I found him, I swear.

Via: The Chive

12. The oldest trick in the book

In the era of all-wireless controllers it’s even harder for them to tell.

Via: The Chive

11. Ending the cycle

I am with you in this cause.

Via: The Chive

10. The smug look

I have everything and you have nothing!

Via: The Chive

9. What a twist

Then you learn the trick and perpetuate it on others, that’s how this goes.

Via: The Chive

8. Take a seat

It’s not about comfort, it’s about the principal of the thing.

Via: The Chive

7. The ruse

TV day, here I come.

Via: The Chive

6. What’s mine is mine

We’re not super great at leaning toward equity naturally.

Via: The Chive

5. The switcheroo

You shouldn’t have. No really, you shouldn’t have.

Via: The Chive

4. Mean machine

I ain’t your dad.

3. Brutal

If you let me keep a 60/40 share of the money you can beat the crap out of me, homes.

2. Don’t tell mom

It goes on and on.

1. The look

This too shall pass.

Ah, siblings. Gotta love ’em. GOTTA.

What are your siblings like?

Tell us about them in the comments.

The post Memes for Everybody Who Knows All About That Sibling Life appeared first on UberFacts.

People Admit the Basic Facts They Learned Embarrassingly Late in Life

I had a friend who said something when we were in college that kind of blew my mind.

Someone referred to a celebrity as a “primadonna”, meaning someone who has a huge ego and is really impressed with themself.

My friend said he thought that term meant someone who was around “pre-Madonna.” Like the singer…

Hmmm…well, let’s just say we all had a good laugh at that one.

AskReddit users admitted what basic facts they learned WAY too late in life.

Let’s see what they had to say.

1. Ohhhh…

“I was 23 when I learned I was allergic to apples.

Someone was complaining about their throat closing up after s**king, and I responded with “oh yeah like when you eat an apple?”

You can imagine how the conversation went from there.”

2. A great drink.

“In my mid 20s I moved up the food chain from server to bartender at the restaurant I worked at. Someone ordered a Roman Coke. I didn’t know what was in a Roman Coke so I told him so and but that I would figure it out.

I figured out that what I had been understanding as a Roman Coke my whole drinking life, was in fact a Rum & Coke…that, I knew how to make!”

3. Oops.

“I’m from Pennsylvania. When they do the nightly lottery drawings on TV, they always add a reminder at the end: “Benefits Older Pennsylvanians Every Day!”

So, naturally, I just assumed that a lot of elderly people won the lottery. When I was a teen I made a joke to my dad about him turning 50 and having a better shot at winning the lottery, and he looked at me like I was nuts.

Turns out that “Benefits Older Pennsylvanians Every Day!” means that the lottery is a fundraiser for senior services, and here I was thinking that it meant Grandma was winning millions on her scratch-offs.”

4. From beyond!

“Space heaters are so named because they heat a room (a space), not because they look like futuristic devices from outer space.”

5. Good one, Mom!

“My mom used to tell me the car doesn’t start if the seatbelts aren’t buckled.

I didn’t know that wasn’t a real feature until I was 22.”

6. More lying moms…

“My mother told me that if you swallowed gum it would stick to your ribs.

I was in my second year of college in an Anatomy class when it hit me that this isn’t true.”

7. This is great!

“It took me an embarrassingly long time before I realized that when a movie had a blurb from Rolling Stone…it wasn’t The Rolling Stones reviewing it.”

8. Like unicorns, right?

“Reindeer are a real animal. When I found out about Father Christmas I thought that meant reindeer weren’t real.

I was very much an adult when I was very confused (and excited) to see one in real life.”

9. Don’t say that!

“When I was young, I found a Doobie bBrothers CD at a relative’s house.

I asked my mom what a Doobie was.

She said it’s a lady’s private parts and to never say it.

I was 17 before I saw someone call a joint a Doobie.”

10. Urban legend.

“There’s no chemical in the pool that reveals pee.

A buddy and I were talking about it and we both realized at the same time that nether of us have actually SEEN it.

We looked it up and felt dumb as hell.”

11. Billy goat.

“Ok so I grew up on a small farm.

We had cows, chickens, pig, rabbits and goats and more. On occasion we had to shear the goats, the goats would hold very still when being sheared. Like statue still. I saw this on pretty regular occasion.

When my parents would take me to get a hair cut they would tell the barber to give me a billy goat cut. Of course to me this meant hold really still, so I did. Had the same barber for a loooong time.

Eventually he passed when I was in high school. Leaving me to find a new barber. Imagine my and the new barbers surprise when he said “how do you want it cut” and I said I just want a normal billy goat cut….

This is one of those things that makes me cringe at night.”

12. Awkward!

“That Apollo 13 was an actual event and not just a movie starring Tom Hanks.

Would have been embarrassing in any context but all the more so when I was working with Cpt. James Lovell and asked him why he was signing new paperbacks of Apollo 13 with Tom Hanks on the cover, “Oh, did you work on that movie?” I asked. Beyond awkward.

We had an hour’s drive together and so after he patiently explained that he was on that mission and as I had not seen the movie, I asked if he would tell me the story. He laughed and agreed, “Ok! I’ve never met anyone who didn’t think they already knew the story…”

Hearing him tell it to me was riveting (and special) . 25 years later I still cringe but it was one of the best days in my life. He is truly an amazing human.”

13. Pretty confusing.

“The song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” is not about creepy infidelity, but rather, hinges on the fact that dads sometimes dress up as Santa.

Which I realized in my 20s when I brought it up with my Catholic roommate.”

Have you ever learned any basic facts embarrassingly late in life?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

Thanks a lot!

The post People Admit the Basic Facts They Learned Embarrassingly Late in Life appeared first on UberFacts.

People Are Putting Wigs on Dogs Now Because, Why Not?

I have a quick question for you. If you were to, hypothetically, head over to Instagram and search for the hashtag #dogwig, how many results do you think would pop up?

No cheating. No peeking. Take a guess. A few? Dozens? Hundreds? What if I were to tell you that the answer is *SEVERAL THOUSAND.*

That’s right, thousands of people found a wig, put that wig on their dog, took a picture of that, uploaded it to the internet, and took the time to be sure to add the right tag so that it could be properly found.

That’s just the world we’re living in. That’s just Instagram. And here are some of our favorite dogs that have been found as a result, with names and personalities we’re purely guessing about based on their aesthetic.

10. Mr. Stacks

Always has candy for you. Doesn’t understand why millennials are struggling because he thinks a four bedroom house still costs a dollar.

9. Leslie

Has some hot neighborhood gossip to tell you, if she can get up the nerve.

8. The Barrister

He has served this court for fifty years, and he’ll have none of your nonsense here.

7. Frank

One of the only people who has actually read all the books on his shelves. Doesn’t remember anything in them.

6. His Honor

Order. Order in the court.

5. Zachery

Disappointed by the sales of his latest album, but trying to rebrand that as a “turning point for him.”

4. Ashleigh

Just needs to bum a cigarette off you real quick if that’s alright.

3. Pat

Didn’t realize everyone else at this costume party was going to actually put in so much effort.

2. Cruella

A turncoat for dogs if ever there was one.

1. Margerie

Very happy you took the time to mow her lawn, now just wait right there and she’ll find her checkbook.

I love them all. I love their looks.

Which one is your favorite?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Are Putting Wigs on Dogs Now Because, Why Not? appeared first on UberFacts.

Failure Tweets Brought to Us By Funny People

If you think you’ve been failing lately, chances are you’re right. Because a lot of us fail in little ways all the time. It’s just part of life. Make peace with it. Find your zen.

One way to help you make peace with it might just be realizing how much worse other people fail and create facepalm inducing scenarios on a day to day basis.

And if you need examples of just that, look no further than the friendly folks of Twitter. They’ve got the fail you need to succeed. Or something.

12. I’m a weirdo

Radiohead is one of those things I absolutely love and am simultaneously embarrassed to be a fan of, because of stuff like this.

 

11. Ur cute

It’s like Schrodinger’s gay over here.

10. Thank you very much

Hey, some of us still like to show some manners in this society.

9. Charcuterie

I get it man, it really is quite a big commitment.

8. Welcome to the show

Definitely crossing a line there, but how were you to know?

7. They sucks

I mean, is this the singular they though?

6. Punch it up

How people manage to put this much work in for free I’ll never understand.

5. Out with the girls

You really need to be a kept man, don’t you?

4. That bites

Ma’am I don’t want to alarm you but I think you’re raising a vampire.

3. Carpe diem

And some denim, too, while we’re out here.

2. Look at this photograph

I feel like this might just be the worst picture of an elephant possible.

1. I no it

You no it, we all no it.

If looking at those facepalms doesn’t make you feel better about your own life, then I can only assume that you’re one of these people. In which case, I apologize.

What’s the worst fail you’ve had lately?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post Failure Tweets Brought to Us By Funny People appeared first on UberFacts.

This Guy Got Revenge on Someone Who Was Vandalizing Mailboxes

If you act like a jerk, it’s eventually gonna come back to bite you.

And that goes double for folks who intentionally mess with other peoples’ property.

And, at least in my humble opinion, this person definitely got what was coming to him…

Take a look at this story from Reddit about a vandal who learned his lesson in a painful way.

Intentionally unintentional revenge on a mail box vandal.

“This is my dad’s revenge, not mine and this happened last summer.

My parents live out on a lake just outside of town. Their property extends to both sides of the road, and their mail box is on the opposite side of the lake and the house.Over the 4 years they had lived at the property, a black SUV has knocked down their mail box 6 times (they catch the vehicle on the security camera on the gate but get no identifying info).

My dad would report it every time, but not much could be done. It was knocked over by a drunk driver once as well, but he crashed a bit further down the road so that was the only time that my dad got reimbursed for the damage.Well after the seventh time it was knocked down, he had had enough.

The land on the opposite side of the road dropped off steeply immediately after the shoulder, so my dad contracted some guys to build out a small gravel pad (15 feet long and 3 feet deep or so) so he could set his mail box back from the road. My dad told me that if someone tried to knock it down now, they would regret it.Well about 4 months after the work was complete, my parents were awoken to a loud crash in the middle of the night.

They called the police and went out to investigate. They found the black SUV off the road and having crashed into a very large tree.The guy was taken to the hospital and was charged with a DUI from the crash as well as possession of drugs they found in the vehicle.By building out the gravel pad and moving the mail box back by just a few feet, it still appeared that the mailbox was on the shoulder, and still seemed like an easy target.

In reality, those 3 feet made all the difference. Because the pad was so short, the vandal left the roadway before the pad started, and when the right side of his vehicle went off the shoulder, he car went veering down the steep incline.

The dude was pretty badly injured, and I know my dad felt bad about this. I think this was much more effective than he had in his mind.

My dad isnt the kind of person to intentionally injure someone, so I am sure he was hoping to just cause damage to a vehicle and teach a lesson that way.”

Wow…what a story…

Now let’s take a look at how Reddit users reacted.

This reader said they wouldn’t feel bad at all about what happened because the person was driving under the influence of alcohol.

Justice was served!

Photo Credit: Reddit

Another person argued that it didn’t really turn out the way the dad wanted, but the guy got what he deserved.

Photo Credit: Reddit

This individual said there might be some potential legal problems here for the dad, so they offered up an excuse about an excuse he could use if asked about what happened.

Photo Credit: Reddit

And finally, this Reddit user said that the dad was not to blame here and that this guy, who is obviously a jerk, did this to himself.

Photo Credit: Reddit

What do you think about this story?

Talk to us in the comments and spill your guts!

We’d love to hear from you!

The post This Guy Got Revenge on Someone Who Was Vandalizing Mailboxes appeared first on UberFacts.

Check Out These Examples of Terrible Food Ideas

Sometimes, your efforts just don’t quite hit the mark.

Kind of like the classic “nailed it” and cake fail memes, where a good idea is poorly executed.

At other times, the best possible implementation of an idea can’t make up for a bad idea.

Here are 13 mostly beautiful food-themed fails from the Awful Taste But Great Execution subreddit that just shouldn’t have been tried to begin with.

1. Curry Phone Case

I like curry as much as anyone…
but I’d give this lumpy gem a heat level of 0 for taste.

This curry phonecase from ATBGE

2. Cheese Keyboard

Cheese is my favorite food group…
But having your hands smell like cheese is not the best part of eating cheese.

Keyboard with cheese styled keycaps from ATBGE

3. Madagascar Cake

Traumatizing children by beheading beloved characters seems like a bad idea.

This Madagascar cake from ATBGE

4. Savory Wedding Cake

Just. Say. No.
I’m really struggling on who thought this was a good idea.

Wedding cake made with cheese, bacon, beans, and… triscuits? from ATBGE

5. Salad Lasagna

So… refreshing?
What was wrong with a side salad and a real lasagna?
It just seems like so much work for so little payoff.

Salad lasagne from ATBGE

6. Moldy Fruit Art

What to buy for the grandma who has everything?
I just… I don’t even want to look at this. ?

Moldy fruit art using precious gems and stones from ATBGE

7. Red Cabbage Slippers

For the vegan foodie in your life.

These red cabbage slippers from ATBGE

8. Cookout Candles

What could possibly go wrong?

I saw the hotdog candle here last week. Here is the whole collection. from ATBGE

9. Burger Bed

Go to sleep hungry.
Wake up hungry.
Always so hungry.

Hamburger bed from 1972 from ATBGE

10. Embroidered Snack Bags

Turning litter into art.
It’s like permanent, decorative litter.
It’s so meta it broke my brain.

this one is also literal from ATBGE

11. Sperm Cake

Because who wouldn’t want to eat that much… icing?

I wonder what flavor it is from ATBGE

12. Tee-Tee Tea

For the brave and bold tea drinker in your life.
I hope they have a sense of humor.

Feel like a cuppa’ ass tea? from ATBGE

13. Messed-Up Spaghetti

I legit don’t know what this is but I think I threw up in my mouth.
Please, tell me it’s a joke.

Meat-ghetti and spag-balls from ATBGE

Those are all certainly… interesting! What’s your favorite “nice try” terrible idea? Show us in the comments.

The post Check Out These Examples of Terrible Food Ideas appeared first on UberFacts.

A Woman Wants to Know if She Was Wrong for “Using Hot Sauce Like an Idiot”

You learn something new every day…and now I know that you can use hot sauce like an idiot!

And I think I might be one of those people, because I’m pretty obsessed with hot sauce…just sayin’.

But this story from the “Am I The A**hole?” page on Reddit is about more than just hot sauce, as you’re about to discover…

Let’s get started.

“I (f23) love hot sauce. My favorite is Tabasco, but I just f**kin love all hot sauce.

For years I’ve carried a mini bottle of Tabasco in my purse and some emergency mini packets in my wallet. I don’t pull it out at restaurants because it’s in poor taste in my culture and most restaurants don’t allow it. It’s mostly for take out eaten on the go or for when I go to spice intolerant close friend’s houses.

I’m also weird in that I don’t put it all over my food or mix it in, I’ll put a few drops or a squirt on individual bites of food because I like to alternate between spicy and regular bites. When I’m out at restaurants I tend to hog the bottle of hot sauce so I normally ask for two bottles so that other people that enjoy hot sauce aren’t inconvenienced.

With that background info out of the way, here’s what happened. Covid restrictions have loosened so my husband and some friends of ours went out to a restaurant with outdoor dining to get some drinks and dinner. One of our friends brought her new boyfriend, Jim, that none of us have met before, and honestly he seemed off from the start.

He openly ogled myself and other women in our group. He made a “joke” about how people with down syndrome are a drain to society after a friend updated us on how her daughter with down syndrome was doing, and he consistently talked down to my friend. When our food arrived, I asked for a second bottle of hot sauce and began to do my thing with it.

When he saw what I was doing, Jim gave me the dirtiest look then asked why I was “using hot sauce like an idiot”. I briefly explained to him why and he then turned to my friend/his gf and told her “you didn’t tell me your OP was a f**king r**ard”.

I’m not gonna lie, I saw red.

I told him off about everything wrong he’d done throughout our get together and that anywhere he was I would no longer be because he was so disgusting and disrespectful.

I then flagged down our waiter, got a to-go box for my hardly touched meal, paid my husband and I’s tab then walked out. I just couldn’t be around someone like him.

Later I got a text from my friend telling me I humiliated her and that all of our friends followed suit and left because they couldn’t stand him either, as well as told her that they refused to be around him. She told me I alienated her and made everyone hate her.

I feel like a total d**k now because I didn’t mean to hurt her, I just wanted to get away from her awful bf before I caused an even bigger scene. She now is begging everyone to give him a second chance and none of us will, and she’s been cursing us out and calling all of us heartless assholes.

So, AITA for this?”

Who knew hot sauce could be so divisive…?

Now check out what readers on Reddit had to say about this story.

This Reddit user stated the obvious: this guy is a creep and needs to be told off in a major way and he was totally inappropriate.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Another person said that this guy is exhibiting potentially abusive behavior and the writer of the post should keep tabs on her friend.

Photo Credit: Reddit

This individual said that the woman’s friend must be going through some kind of self-destructive phase if she’s with someone like this.

Photo Credit: Reddit

And lastly, another person said that the friend owes this woman an apology and that they all might want to keep their distance from this person for a little while.

Yikes!

Photo Credit: Reddit

Okay, you know the drill…

Now we want to hear from you!

In the comments, tell us what you think about this story.

Thanks in advance!

The post A Woman Wants to Know if She Was Wrong for “Using Hot Sauce Like an Idiot” appeared first on UberFacts.

What White Lie Do You Tell About Yourself Because the Truth Is Too Complicated?

It happens to all of us sometimes…

Someone asks us a question that is probably meant to be an icebreaker or they’re just trying to avoid awkward silence and we clam up.

Because the question asked would produce an answer that is just way too complicated and involved to even get into…so you just tell a little fib so everyone can continue on with their day and you hope it won’t come up again.

People on AskReddit admitted what little white lies they tell people because the truth is too complicated.

Let’s see what they had to say.

1. Just go with it.

“That I’m married.

My wife and I are separated but get on well enough to raise our daughter but not be together emotionally or s**ually. I still live in the house and we pool our money to give our daughter the best environment we can. Oddly we fight WAY less than we did before so the environment has improved massively.

We both just have FWB or f**k buddies that we see when time permits although we have an explicit rule about introducing people to our daughter AND no banging at home if there’s a chance the other/our daughter may come back home.”

2. Keep it movin’.

“”I have a boyfriend” instead of “We just started talking in a game and you’re asking me out. I don’t know you and now I’m creeped out”.”

3. Good plan.

““I don’t have a mic.”

Usually if I end up talking on video games and they realize I’m a girl, their conversation becomes uncomfortable or just annoying.”

4. This is my friend.

“I always just say “my friend” instead of saying “my daughter’s mom” or “my ex” because the latter two give off an awkward tone in conversations.

And whatever I’m bringing up usually isn’t related to the fact that she’s in the role that she’s in, so it’s not something that really needs to be specified anyway.”

5. Don’t get into it.

“That I am mildly allergic to garlic and onions. Technically I am Dimethyl Trisulfide and/or diallyl disulfide intolerant.

It is similar to lactose intolerance and is not an actual allergy, but that takes a fair amount of explaining.”

6. Nobody’s business.

““I can’t have kids”.

Easier than trying to explain the medical condition that necessitated removal of both of my Fallopian tubes. Technically I can still have kids, I’ll just never conceive them naturally.

Although if I’m having a particularly bad day, or someone won’t let it go (I’m looking at you “it’ll happen when you least expect it” lady from last week) I’ll give them my whole medical history.. usually makes people very uncomfortable, which serves them right IMO.

Stop asking people you barely know about their reproductive plans! Maybe they’ve experienced recurrent miscarriage, maybe they have been trying for years, maybe they have genetic conditions they don’t want to pass along. Or maybe they just don’t want them! In any case they don’t owe you an explanation.”

7. Don’t touch.

“That I don’t like to shake hands.

In reality, I’m totally fine with it. However, I have a condition known as hyperhidrosis, which means that my sweat glands are hyperactive. I sweat A LOT and pretty much constantly.

For me, I sweat the most from my hands and feet, but others also sweat heavily from their underarms. It’s not something I can control or manage easily. People who have shaken hands with me are grossed out and actively try to avoid me touching them.

So rather than tell people this and open myself up to “Ew, that’s so GROSS,” and stuff like that, I just say I don’t like physical contact.”

8. I can’t hear you.

“I moved from the West Coast to Upstate NY.

I started a new job at a hospital and couldn’t understand what anybody said. Everyone spoke so fast. I told all coworkers and patients that I was deaf in one ear and to speak more slowly, please. And they did! Everyone was so nice and so sorry for me.

Also when people ask me how many kids do I have, I say 2. I actually have 3. My daughter d**d from cancer and I just don’t feel that I have to explain this to strangers. The important people in my life know and they’re the ones who count.”

9. Can’t deal with it.

“That’s I’m allergic to shrimp.

Nothing else seafood related, just shrimp.

I have an irrational fear of them, which people always question me about. It’s just…the…way…they…curl…”

10. Too much background.

“I tell folks I’m from Texas, or if I’m in Texas, that I’m from California.

I usually say those white lies because they’re technically true, but actually I’m a refugee from a country that broke up in a civil war.

No, I don’t want to talk about that experience. And no, I don’t want to explain how old I was and all that other stuff.

Like, other folks don’t have to tell their entire life story to a salesman in Men’s Warehouse.”

11. No drinks for us.

“That we dont drink because we don’t really like it.

My husband is a recovering al**holic and is nailing recovery like a bada**, but it just makes things awkward!”

12. It’s easier this way.

“I dont have a sense of smell.

It’s easier to say that then explain what smells I can actually smell, or the fact that I cant identify smells correctly.

Example: My parents and I were looking for a new house. We walked in and I was pleasantly greeted with the strong smell of lemon pledge. My parents and boyfriend were complaining of headaches, dizziness and nausea.

I just thought it was too strong for them to handle. My mom then informed me that what I was actually smelling was cat pee.

Other examples would be things like…

Stir fry smells like spaghetti

Cinnamon smells like that generic flowery smell in women’s products

Meat loaf smells like cookies (which is extra disappointing because I’m vegetarian).”

Do you ever do this?

If so, tell us all about it in the comments.

Thanks in advance!

The post What White Lie Do You Tell About Yourself Because the Truth Is Too Complicated? appeared first on UberFacts.

People Admit the White Lies They Tell About Themselves Because the Truth Is Too Complicated

Sometimes, it’s just easier to tell a little white lie to people instead of getting into some long, convoluted story that’s just too complicated to explain.

And we all do this once in a while, right?

What little white lies do you tell yourself to avoid telling the complicated truth?

Here’s how folks on AskReddit responded.

1. In pain.

“I often make it seem like I can only use a wheelchair to get around the place…

Rather than explain just how far I can walk before the pain gets too much…

Which is a horribly short distance BTW.”

2. A bad memory.

“My number of siblings.

No one wants to hear about a long-d**d sister.

It just makes people uncomfortable, and there’s no reason to do that.”

3. A curveball.

“I had to leave the Army because life threw me a curveball.

What I really mean is I was honorably discharged because I couldn’t provide a satisfactory family care plan on where my daughter would go if I had to go to the field for a few weeks of training or got another long deployment.

I became a single parent suddenly when my wife was k**led by a drunk driver after I returned from my second deployment to Iraq.

This explanation usually leaves an awkward silence because no one knows what to say.”

4. Mom.

“I tell them my mother is d**d…

Not a paranoid schizophrenic who kidnapped me at 8 m.o and left me in a drawer of a dresser in the closet of a hotel room alone for days. (who any time was in my state after that required me to have a police escort and spend lunch and recess in the principal office. )

It used to suck trying to lie about why I was in detention or why the police came to school for me.

The last time me and my mom spoke was years ago: she offered to take me to dinner. Drove me to the gas station dinner three blocks from my house, said she wasn’t hungry and had to leave soon then made me walk home before we could even order food. I hadn’t seen her in 8 years.

We spent less then 30 minutes together. I was 17. When I got home there was a message on the answering machine of her telling me what a loser I was.

So she’s dead if anyone asks.”

5. OD.

“That my dad d**d in his sleep.

In reality, he died of an overdose of sleeping pills while in a hotel with some random woman. I have heard conflicting stories all my life.

I was told by some it was suicide, some he was drinking, took pills, forgot he took them, then took another dose, some say it was actually heroin

I don’t think I will ever really know.”

6. Unlucky.

“I tell them I left one of my jobs because they didn’t accommodate my school schedule.

In actuality, I quit because I got demoted when I reported my co worker of $40,000 worth of credit card fraud from our customers. The company was Samsung, American division.

They made my life a living hell because my manager was upset that I didn’t tell him about the fraud. (I told the security team anonymously and obviously they didn’t keep it anonymous!).

My manager would have gotten a bonus if I had told him about the fraud, so he took it as disloyalty and demoted me, and told everyone I was a snitch.

I quit because I put so much into that job but it got too stressful.

I was unemployed for a year after that. And then Covid hit.

I’ve been pretty unlucky these past few years.”

7. I live in the city.

“That I live in ___ city.

I really live in a suburb right outside of it, but nobody ever knows where it is because there aren’t many houses.”

8. Just keep it simple.

“”I don’t drink” is so much easier than explaining my complicated and unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

And also… If it turns into a discussion, you’ve sort of already “chosen sides”, and it’s much more of a hurdle to turn around and drink then.

If I am honest about being conflicted, you inevitably run into people who try to sway you to “their side”, and the bar for doing it will be much lower.”

9. Keep the nosey ones out of it.

““My brother is visiting me”

In truth, actually one of my closest friends from college is a guy and I’m a woman. He’s very close with my family and comes up to stay with me every couple months for a weekend.

It’s awesome, however I really don’t love my one nosey coworker asking me if I’m dating said friend every time we all discuss our weekends at lunch. it makes it a throwaway small talk line to say “oh my brother is visiting”.

10. Wow.

“My name.

My first name is Seven and people always ask about it. My mom never really gave me a straight answer so I like to have fun when people ask. A few of my most used replies are as follows.

I actually have 6 younger siblings

My mom’s a gambler and 7 is her lucky number

My mom really liked that Eddie Murphy movie

My mom is incredibly religious and believes 7 is a holy number.”

11. No shame in that.

“That I drive my older car because it’s paid off and I don’t want a car note. In all honesty it’s because I can’t afford a new car and my credit is totally f**ked.

I work for myself, dropped out and got my GED, have no college under my belt and on paper resume don’t qualify for a decent paying job. I’ve got a repo on my record from when I was knee deep in my addiction and drinking, recently hit my 6 month sobriety marker.

Trying to better myself, but it’s a baby step game, trying not to get discouraged but my credit is a dark cloud over my head at times. Restricts me from getting a better place to live, or a better car situation.”

12. Take care of yourself.

“”Oh, I just took some time off school”.

I was actually in psychiatric hospital for three months.”

13. Lies!

“I work for a third party broker representing a national client (M&M’s candy) in retail stores. Some people have no idea what that means so I just tell them I work for M&M’s. And I still hear-

So you just hand out candy?

It must be tough working with kids.

How do you stay slim when you eat candy all day?”

14. You’re Russian.

“When I was 16, one of my lab partners at school (a guy I didn’t know very well) told me that I looked like I was Russian (and yes, I do look like it).

I’m half Polish, but when I tried to correct him, he cut me mid-sentence and started asking me questions about Russia, which I could not answer because the teacher came and told us to shut up.

Later that week, many people asked me about it (I went to a school where there was basically no one with slavic heritage), and soon the entire school was convinced I was from Russia. I couldn’t be bothered correcting everybody, so I just went along with it.

Don’t know if it qualifies as a white lie, but here it is.”

How about you?

Do you ever tell any white lies to make your life a little bit easier?

If so, tell us about them in the comments. Thanks!

The post People Admit the White Lies They Tell About Themselves Because the Truth Is Too Complicated appeared first on UberFacts.