15 People Regale Us with the Dumbest Questions They Were Ever Asked at Work

People ask dumb questions – I don’t care what the old adage says. And it seems as if some professions (largely in the arena of customer service) seem to lend themselves to more than the average.

These 15 people, however, really take the cake.

#15. That darn faulty wireless

“Long time ago now…
Got a call that a user’s laptop was dead and wouldn’t power on.
I go and check it out. Press the button, no life. Plug it into the power, it starts charging. Press the button, it boots just fine.
The user wasn’t plugging the laptop into power because she “thought we had wireless”

#14. That’s not how any of this works

“I used to work as a bank teller. A lady came up to me and asked to withdraw money. I informed her that she couldn’t withdraw money, because her account was overdrawn. She was immediately upset, so I had her account checked for fraud. She then explained that all those charges were hers and she wasn’t expecting any payments. She was spending money she knew she didn’t have.

She then asked me why we couldn’t just give her more money.”

#13. More light, please

“Can we open the curtains to make the screen brighter? (While pointing at a projector and screen setup.) She seriously thought that more light in the room would make everything brighter as if the projection was some sort of moving painting.”

#12. Potential time traveler

“C: How much is this?
Me: 50c, like the sticker says.
C: And this one?
Me: $1. All the items have labels on them with how much they cost.
C: Oh is that what those mean? That’s clever.

(Not the slightest bit of sarcasm in their voice. I pressed slightly and found they were genuinely unaware of price labels.)”

#11. Open it, please

“I used to work in computer sales and repairs. Had a customer come up who was maybe 23 years old saying she couldn’t get her laptop to open something. So I take it, and open it and casually ask, “What is it you cant get open?” She looks at me shocked as I open the laptop screen and tells, “I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR HOURS TO GET IT TO OPEN HOWD YOU DO THAT??” I look at her not knowing how to respond and close it and open it again. She takes it and walks out saying thank you. I took a long look at my computer I was working on and decided that this was the moment that made me quit that job.”

#10. Password fail

“I get too many dumb questions to remember them all. Here’s a dumb encounter that happened just yesterday. When sending confidential documentation, we would encrypt it and put a password on it. It’s common practice to send the document and the password in two separate e-mails. I got a message from this guy saying he couldn’t open the document I sent him.

Me: “Did you use the password?”

Client: “Yes. It said there was an error.”

Me: “What password did you use?”

Client: “I just hit OK and it said that I had the wrong password.”

Me: “Wait.. so did you type anything in?”

Client: “Well no.”

Me: “Could you use the password that we provided you?”

Client: “I didn’t think it would work so I deleted the e-mail.”

Me: “….”

#9. The real world

“Selling paint. Woman wants to paint her fence. I give her advice and explain to her how to prepare the surface. She then asks:

“Do I need anything to apply the paint?”

I’m like “Yeah a roller or a brush…”

She’s like “Oh, I can just splash the paint on the fence?”

She was dead serious.

Woman, this is not Looney Tunes, this is the real world!”

#8. Ummm…

“A co-worker at a video store asked ‘Does this calculator do math?’”

#7. A Willy Wonka world

“I worked at Kinkos and on 3 separate occasions different people angrily asked me why I returned their faxed document to them. They thought that a fax machine was some kind of Willy Wonka thing that sent their original piece of paper to the recipient.”

#6. Get a real job

“While towing his car to a dealership, “So what do you do for a living?”

He was serious. He assumed I had another job because I didn’t fit the Billy Bob persona he associated with tow truck drivers.”

#5. You keep using that word…

“A group of four ladies sat on a table that is reserved for a group of regulars every day. Before I opened my mouth to let them know, one says ‘we see a reserved sign but we are unsure exactly how “reserved” it is?’”

#4. Nipples or ticks?

“Vet tech. A lot of people think their dog’s nipples are ticks. A lot. One man even pulled a “but he’s a boy!” on us.”

#3. A monumental job

“I work at a famous monument and I kid you not I’ve had people ask me whether we take it down at the end of each day, or whether it’s been rearranged since they last visited.”

#2. Because, physics

I used to work in a call centre for a large bank and a customer phoned while he was in one of the branches and said the queue was too big so he wanted me to help him. I asked what his query was and he said the ATM was broke so he had to withdraw cash. I asked how I could possibly help him withdraw cash from the bank over the phone and he said “Why can’t you just fax it to me?”

#1. A free bookstore

“Library. Once I checked out several books to a woman and told her the return date. She looked at her friend, then back at me, and said, shocked, “You mean I have to bring the books BACK?””

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This Woman’s Savvy Husband Saved Them Both from Moving into a Haunted House

You know the scene, and it’s straight out of a horror movie – a clueless white woman is wandering around a house exclaiming over cute built-ins and clawfoot tubs while ignoring the obvious signs of a demon infestation that will later ruin her life (and possibly steal her soul).

Well, it turns out in can happen in real life, too. At least, that’s the experience Louisville, KY author Olivia A. Cole had when she and her husband went to check out a house to rent.

While she was enamored with the “cute little bungalow,” her husband was properly suspicious and asking all the right questions…and getting none of the right answers.

Please, enjoy the entire thread below, and arm yourself with the truth.

Image Credit: Twitter

 

And in case you’re wondering…so was someone else.

Photo Credit: Twitter,CarrieCnh12

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This Twitter Thread About Gender Reveal Parties Is Funny No Matter Who You Are

Even if you’re someone who has participated in, organized, or asked for a gender reveal party, you have to admit that the whole idea can get a bit out of hand – not to mention that it doesn’t really matter all that much which sex your baby is going to be, not in the long run. I mean…we’re going to keep them either way, right?

One woman on Twitter got to the heart of the matter with a single tweet, and the ensuing thread is downright hilarious (as long as you have a sense of humor).

In addition, it provides a little food for thought for those of us who are concerned about eschewing gender stereotypes for this generation (and ones to come).

Here’s the tweet that started it all….

Photo Credit: Twitter,ChurchCarlton

And some of my favorite responses!

Photo Credit: Twitter,vanetti

Photo Credit: Twitter,thezebramermaid

Photo Credit: Twitter,sldancakes

Photo Credit: Twitter,MissZindzi

Photo Credit: Twitter,ChurchCarlton

Photo Credit: Twitter,oliviasolon

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This Tale of an Office Lunch Theft Will Have You on the Edge of Your Seat

Rule Number 1 when working in an office: DO NOT MESS WITH PEOPLE’S LUNCHES.

Photo Credit: Flickr,Gabriel Saldana

Comedian Zak Toscani tweeted out a suspenseful story of an office lunch caper, and the results are pretty hilarious. Keep in mind Toscani is a comedian so there’s been no actual verification that this story is true…but let’s all hope someone wouldn’t joke about such a serious matter. Here’s how it all started…

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

HR had to step in to remind everyone of the most important code of honor in any office.

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

Then the perpetrator appeared…

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

And she did the unthinkable…she acted like she didn’t steal the shrimp fried rice.

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

Things began to escalate.

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

Toscani decided to up the ante.

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

Others on Twitter were mesmerized by the story and decided to share their own tales of lunch theft.

Photo Credit: Twitter,svershbow

Photo Credit: Twitter,svershbow

Photo Credit: Twitter,Delavegalaw

Photo Credit: Twitter,leewah

And Toscani added his final thoughts on the matter.

Photo Credit: Twitter,zaktoscani

There are some sick people in this world…

h/t: Mashable

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Give Your Indoor Cat a Taste of Nature with a ‘Catio’

If you have indoor cats, you’re gonna want one of these in your lives. You always see your cat staring through the windows at your house, so why not let them explore the great outdoors without worrying about them running away or getting into a fight with a feral cat (or a coyote)? What I’m trying to say is, you need a ‘catio’ in your life.

Photo Credit: Facebook,Catio Spaces

Catio Spaces sells plans for enclosed outdoor areas for our feline friends that allows them to enjoy the outdoors in a safe way. All you have to do is order the plans (they run between $40-$70) and then it’s up to you to put the DIY project together. The catios have escape-proof wiring and shelves that allow cats to climb and lounge as they please.

Photo Credit: Facebook,Catio Spaces

The folks at Catio Spaces say, “Cats naturally want to be outside where they can breathe fresh air and experience the sights, sounds and stimulation of the natural world. A catio, an outdoor cat enclosure or ‘cat patio,’ is the purrfect solution to solve the indoor/outdoor dilemma.” Purrfect, get it?!?

Photo Credit: Pixabay

h/t: Mental Floss

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Security Camera Operators Reveal the Weirdest Things They’ve Caught People Doing

Being a security camera operator has to be one of the most mind-numbing jobs on the planet.

BUT, it’s probably worth it because once in a while you get to witness some insane things. AskReddit users told their crazy tales of the weirdest things they’ve ever seen on security cameras.

1. Pizza thief

“I didn’t catch him in the act, but I watched a guy steal my pizza.

I was working the night shift on a Friday night and ordered pizza for my lunch. I had leftovers which I put in the staff-room fridge so I could have it for lunch the next day.

Saturday evening I come in to work, I work until lunch time, then go to grab my pizza only to discover that it is gone. WTF!? So I check the camera feed.

During the day some random guy came into our office, went to the staff-room, and stole my pizza. He just walked out of the building carrying the pizza box and the day shift guy didn’t even notice.”

2. The car park

“The company had refurbished the car park, which used to have an all-access footpath running through it. There was no legal right of way there, so they got rid of the footpath, and put up signs saying it was private property etc.

This didn’t stop a middle-aged lady who cycled through every day, and regularly damaged parked cars with her bike when she squeezed through narrow gaps. The alternative route was literally 50 yards out of her way to go around the car park rather than through it.

So, bigger signs go up. This is PRIVATE LAND, NO ACCESS etc. As part of that, they install an automatic barrier. To get into or out of the car park, you have to beep your company ID badge on a sensor, the barrier raises, and you can drive through.

Cyclist lady just ignores everything. Cycles up to the new barrier, and WHAM, her bike goes under it, and she doesn’t. She gets up, walks up to her bike and cycles off again, up the road.

The next day, they’re investigating damage to the barrier, and have a look at the CCTV. They can’t believe she hasn’t seen the bright red and white barrier. While they’re reviewing the CCTV, she comes in again from the other direction, and WHAM. Exactly the same thing happens again.

They run out to check she’s OK. She refuses all help, and runs away with her bike. She knows she’s not supposed to be going through here, and has now made the same mistake twice. She now goes around the car park instead of through it.”

3. Grocery store

“Worked as an assistant manager for a grocery retailer. Store is closing and few employees left. I’m finishing paperwork and happen to look up at the monitor displaying 16 different cameras.

The one in the deli caught my eye because I happened to notice the deli employee filling a sink. Didn’t think anything of it an kept on going with my work. Looked at the time and was thinking, okay everyone should be out. Look through the cameras and see the girl in the deli… Bathing in the sink.

Dread comes over me. F^ck… What do I do….

I wait until she’s done, burn the video, sterilize the sink, bleach the sink, pour boiling water over the sink, and scrub it until my hands hurt, then leave the store in night crews hands.

Next morning, speak with the store manager and show him the video. Pull the girl upstairs and let her go for violating all sorts of health and safety violations.

Turns out, her water was turned off and she needed to bathe for her date… With her parole officer the next morning.

Things people do when they think others aren’t watching.”

4. Dry hump

“I used to monitor cameras for a very high-end car dealership. One day while checking the connection (test 3x daily, only really look when an alarm goes off after hours) I managed to catch a man dry-humping a Bugatti Veyron and subsequently being dragged away by their security guard.”

5. Mall security

“Not me , but my girlfriend. She works as a security guard at an old mall that sadly only has about four business still inside. Well one day she texts me while at work and tells me there is a group of teenagers riding their bikes throughout the mall. A few minutes later I get a video of the security cameras and sure enough there is a group of kids riding bmx bikes inside the mall.”

6. Odd

“My old job was on a busy boulevard with an alley in the back. We had an open garage with access to said alley.

But what took the cake is one morning around maybe 7-8AM a man was walking by through the alley, stops suddenly, goes into our garage, lights a candle, and sets it there by the wall and walks away. It was so odd getting there and seeing a randomly lit candle. Checking the footage only left us with more questions.”

7. A little sex

“I’m the security supervisor overnight at a food dye processing plant. I sit in a guard shack and watch upwards of 20 camera feeds at a time. One night, one of my officers, who is posted up at the other side of the facility, walks away from his shack and goes to an area behind one of the buildings, out of the way. He apparently thought there weren’t any cameras watching that particular area, because he wasn’t there for a minute before some lady arrived and they started having sex, right there.

When they were done, she left and he went right back to his post. He had no idea I saw the whole thing. I didn’t talk to him about it, but I called my operations manager over in the office the next morning and told him about it. The officer wasn’t fired. He was transferred, however. When an officer can be fired for being late, they should be fired for abandoning their post to meet with a lady of the night.”

8. Hand puppet

“I was managing a fast food restaurant at a rest stop on the highway. I had access to all of the cameras, inside and out, including one pointed right at the exit to enter back onto the highway. This guy was trying to merge back onto the highway in the middle of rush hour. He had been sitting there so long, waiting for someone to let him in that he just pulled out a little hand puppet and started yelling at traffic with it.”

9. Thriller

“I used to work security at a stadium got rotated into the gift shop team pretty chill basically loss prevention. Boss put’s me on camera’s one day, I’m watching the store and notice the upper left camera is basically shooting down on like an 8 foot by 8 foot box seemingly. I just cant place it in my head where the camera is. Then one of the cashiers pops out a door you can’t see on camera for smoke break. Lanky dude.

Suddenly he busts into Thriller. Perfectly following the routine, since there was no sound I don’t know if he was singing, next smoke break he took, flash dance. Dude just wanted to dance and found a personal dance floor. Only one other employee went out there and she just stood there smoking and staring at the wall.”

10. Cat lady

“It was 4am and I was watching one of the cameras located at the beach. I watched a frazzled middle aged lady in her night gown hobble around with a fat cat in her arms for an hour. I thought she was sleep walking or something, so I was gonna to call a guard down to check on her but she went home clutching that cat.”

11. Haunted

“Worked security at a large hotel chain. Part of my job was to keep track of storage room visits, by kitchen staff and other employees. There was a camera watching the big metal door of the storage room. One day as I returned to my office I noticed the storage room door was open, which was odd because only I had keys for it and I hadn’t opened it that day. I checked the camera and on film I caught the door slowing opening by itself! No one was there and no way the wind could unlock a heavy metal door. Showed my boss and he told me not to mention it. Although word got out and some of the more superstitious employees avoided the storage room.

There had been 2 suicides that previous year, some said it was related to them.”

12. Poop

“I worked in a supermarket, not as security but well one day stocking shelves my manager and I noticed a strange smell, we couldn’t find the source so kept working.

A couple of hours later and it was still hanging around, eventually we emptied the last trolley of stock which had been sitting in an aisle for a while (small supermarket) and we found a blob of human poop on a box of cat food, and then two or three more on the shelves next to the trolley.

We checked the cameras and there was this seemingly normal 50 something year old lady, walked in, put a few things in her basket, then started walking / waddling oddly down the pet food aisle and then all of a sudden just casually reached into the back of her pants, pulled som poop out, chucked it on the stock trolley, walked another few paces and did the same then from memory she even proceeded through the checkout and out of the store.

The manager asked me to clean it up to which I offered my immediate resignation (as a joke, he was my mate but there was no way I was dealing with that) so he had to clean it up and we ended up throwing out a lot of stock and most of the fruit and veg stock.

I’ve told so many people this story, I still find it so bizarre to this day.”

13. Ejected

“Worked IT for a company. One day, a lot of the head managers of this certain department come barging into my office demanding I pull some footage, serious as hell. I think somebody is about to get fired so I start scrubbing through footage. Finally I get to what they want me to see. One of their team leads is rocketing through the office on an office chair when it gets stuck on something in the carpet and she gets EJECTED out of her seat. She must have landed like 10 feet from her chair. As soon as the scene happens, the group of managers bust out laughing their asses off. I nearly pissed my pants laughing, I had never been asked to pull camera footage of something so funny.

The best part is the girl just laid on the carpet for a while everybody around her in the room collapse with laughter.”

14. Casino

“Worked casino surveillance for several years – so I have a lot of stories.

Saw a couple get it on in a crowded bar. I saw a guy get stabbed, and saw two people get hit by speeding cars. I saw a lot of people vomit, saw a lot of people pee – especially in the elevators. Saw a drunk guy trip on an escalator, catch himself on the side, then slide down a 50 foot moving rail, spinning the whole time, then land on his feet without spilling his drink. I watched people cheat at blackjack and various carnival games.

I saw a casino cashier stuff two hundred dollar bills in his sock. He was arrested. I saw a waitress twerking upside down in the well, she slipped and landed face first on the tile and was unconscious for about 20 seconds. I saw a kitchen worker slice her hand while cutting lemons – blood everywhere. She wrapped it in a towel and continued cutting the lemons with the same knife. She put the finished lemons in the fridge then went for medical attention.

That was a fun job.”

15. Ice rink

“I worked in IT for a resort that had an ice rink. Two guests decided to bone in the middle of said rink at like 1 in the morning. Thing is, those cameras are motion detecting because it’s dangerous. Security office immediately gets an alarm if they detect anything. So security had to go up there while they were mid act and ask them to not….”

h/t: Reddit

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20 Women Share the Responses They Got When They Finally Asked out Their Crushes

A British relationship blogger named Oloni asked a bunch of ladies on Twitter to share their responses after they asked people they’ve been crushing on out for a date.

Photo Credit: Twitter,simplyoloni

Have you ever had the courage to finally ask out someone you’ve admired from afar? These 20 ladies did. Enjoy.

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h/t: Yes Plz

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This Guy’s Story About His Crazy Ex GF Will Make You Want to Get Therapy

We’ve all had the ex that has gone a little overboard from time to time, but this story is insane. This poor fella decided to share the story of his crazy ex-girlfriend for the whole world to see. Whew! Buckle up for this one…

Photo Credit: Twitter,hoemar___

Man, that was exhausting. Now I need a nap.

h/t: Yes Plz

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Senior Class Pulls off an Epic Prank

This should make all seniors past, present, and future pretty jealous. I know I am. High school seniors in Cumberland, Wisconsin pulled off such a great prank that the local police department even congratulated them.

Looks like a car slammed through a wall at the school, right? WRONG. The crafty seniors used an old car, a black tarp, bricks, and some tapes to create the optical illusion. The back of the car said “CHS Class of 2018.”

Principal Ritchie Narges said, “It looked very, very real. But then I thought, ‘This has gotta be a prank. If this is the worst thing our kids are going to do, we’ve got some pretty darn good kids.”

Indeed.

h/t: Mashable

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12 People Share the Dumb Jokes They Hear Way Too Often Because of Their Job

Some jobs, it would seem, lend themselves to one dumb joke or another. You’d figure that people would just assume that you’d heard them all.

You’d be wrong.

12. Laugh if you want that tip

“When you’re clearing someone’s empty plate and ask if they liked their meal. “Oh, no, I hated it!”

Can’t believe this hasn’t been mentioned yet. I used to hear it literally 10x a day when I was working in restaurants.”

11. You don’t want to know

“Some guy during his abdominal ultrasound: “so is it a boy or a girl??”

cue fake laugh and internal eye roll”

10. Or give them to my neighbor

“When I delivered mail: “you can keep the bills” or some other comment about not wanting the bills.”

9. Smooth

“When i worked Retail,

Me: “Can I get you anything else?” Customer: “Yea, a million dollars”

Now usually i just pulled the fake customer service laugh and let it go, but if it’s a cute girl, I once said this…

“We sell mirrors on Aisle 7, I’m sure you’ll find it there”

8. Ten times a day

“If something doesn’t scan at the register “that means it’s free, right?”

7. Justifiable homicide

“My boss’ name is Josh, everyday he says, “I’m just Joshing ya!” Every. Day.”

6. So funny

“I’m an operator in a power plant.

“Oh my God are you Homer Simpson lololololololololol! Do you want a donut hahahaha!”

5. That joke is dead

“Work in a morgue. “Oh people are just DYING to come see you!!” To which I respond “Obviously. I’m delightful.” I also was once asked how things were going in the morgue and I replied “Lively” as it was pretty busy that day. They thought it was so hilarious and now 2 years later they won’t let me forget that I referred to a morgue as “lively” one time.”

4. Everyone’s a musician

“Can you turn off the suck button”

Recording engineer. Haha, I get it, you’re not a very good musician, now let’s take it from the top because you’re ignoring the click.

And the joke that the engineers always make is, “Yeah, that was ok, but this time maybe sing it like it’s a record”.

3. Too much TV

“I’ve had an influx of people moving their insurance from other carriers and they always try to make some witty response about how the company they are with weren’t working out for them. For example, if they had Nationwide, I swear to god every single one of them says “Nationwide wasn’t on MY side!” Or if they had Progressive, they say something about how Flo didn’t use her price checker tool for them or with Allstate they would say they weren’t in good hands. (These are just examples)

In reality, though, your prices were increased because you’re a shitty driver and think you’re entitled to lower rates when you have 3 pages worth of MVR violations.”

2. Playtime

“Preschool teacher (in sweden).

“Must be nice to just play all day long, right? Hahaha!”

Let’s put it this way. You and your SO are sitting in an apartment with 2 bedrooms. Suddenly someone opens the door and 18 screaming three year olds comes running in. Two adults in a small area with 18 children.. How much playing do you think you have time for?”

1. Commercials ruin lives

“I’m a salesman who’s name happens to be Jake.

I hear on a daily basis

“Oh you quit your job at State Farm? Why?”

Or

“Why aren’t you wearing khakis?”

I laugh along most times because I want the sale. But I’m always internally screaming. Don’t get me started on my last name.”

h/t: Reddit

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