Pet Owners Share the Most Intelligent Things Their Animals Ever Did

Let’s be honest: most of the time, we only take note of the really dumb stuff our pets do. Ripping stuff up, eating the trash, etc.

But they do have the ability to blow our minds once in a while. Like the type of things these AskReddit users shared.

1. Good boy!

“My dad has always had problems with throwing his back out and it usually makes him unable to move for several weeks. Anyways, one time when he threw out his back, my dog grabbed a blanket in her mouth and slowly spread it over my dad while he was sleeping. We were all amazed and gave her a treat.”

2. Another good boy!

“Woke me up and brought me outside to under the deck, where he very obviously showed me the cat that got out and was hiding under there. He looked at the cat, then back at me, then at the cat, then back at me.”

3. He’s testing you

“My friend’s dog knows he’s not allowed onto one very specific carpeted area in the house and he knows never to step onto that area. How does he like to be a smart-ss about it? He grabs his favorite toy, casually tosses it onto said carpeted area, looks at us, and gives us the “well my toy’s there and I have to step onto the carpet to get it”. He does it so slowly and so deliberately that you know he’s being a complete smarta** about it. I can’t help but laugh every time he does it which is not often. He typically does it when he’s desperate for our play because he knows he’ll get a laugh and a positive reaction out of it.”

4. The lost watch

“When I was younger I lost a watch that I really loved. Around that time my cat developed a habit of using his front paws to reach under the fridge and just scramble around under there like crazy. He was seriously obsessed and did that for almost a year, until one night he pulled out a tray that had been under the fridge, and on it was my watch. After that he never touched the fridge again. He was a good boy.”

5. Imitation

“There was a time when, coming back from a trip, the balls of my feet were swollen and it hurt going up and down the stairs. My cat would actually imitate me by limping up and down the stairs (taking the steps one at a time) while meowing pitifully. I swear if he could talk, he would’ve said something like “see, this is how stupid you look.”

6. Saving the fish

“My cousin had a koi fish pond and two dogs. One night the dogs started barking during the middle of the night really loud and urgently, and they almost never bark at anything. My cousin and her parents knew something was weird and went out to check.

One of the fish somehow managed to jump out the pond and was flopping around next to the water on the concrete, and one dog was trying to help it back in the water with his nose while the other was barking for my cousin or her parents to help.

Once they watched them place the fish in the water, they went back in the kennels to sleep. They would watch the pond a lot from then on.”

7. Show us your puppies!

“Not my pet but the dog of a farmer in my grandma’s town that recently had given birth to puppies. When we were strolling around by the farm we saw the dog and said to her: “hey, show us your puppies!” next thing we know, the dog ran around the farm and came back with all her cute little puppies and let us play with them. What a wonderful day.”

8. Smart cat

“My 13 lb ginger cat always had to be near me. Some of the doors in my house didn’t latch, and he learned to open them by using his body as a battering ram. Okay, fine. So one day I’m in a closed room with a door that does latch, and I hear the doorknob rattle. It rattles for a bit then turns, and the cat pops the door open with his weight and saunters in.

I miss him.”

9. Hide and seek

“I actually have a story for this. I taught my dog to play hide and seek. I made him sit in the kitchen while I hid a rawhide somewhere in the house. He would then search until he found it and would then bring it back to me. I would then tell him to hide it and he would. One day I was searching for the damn rawhide for like 10 mins and could not find it. Searched everywhere. Eventually I had to give up totally confused. Next morning I open a dresser drawer to get a pair of shorts and there it is. He saw a slightly cracked drawer, dropped it in, closed it, and outsmarted a human. I was very proud.”

10. Pleased with herself

“I watched my Australian Shepherd problem solve how to get her tennis balls that get stuck under the furniture out by taking another tennis ball and rolling it to knock the stuck one out. She seemed very pleased with herself.”

11. Haunted

“Rock in a rocking chair. I thought my living room was haunted for weeks.”

12. Hiding pills

“He has to take antibiotics for ten days. They are pills.

In the beginning, i was wondering why he wasnt getting better. Turns out, the a**hole was keeping them in his cheek or under his tongue and spitting them out under the closet.

So now i hold him until he swallows and then i check his mouth.

It’s really one of those times i wish i could explain to him why i am ‘torturing’ him with eye drops and painkillers and whatnot. YOU ARE A SENIOR KITIZEN AND YOU HAVE A SEVERE COLD. Stop spitting things out!

On the other hand, he has never scratched or bitten me, just struggles and pulls away.he is a very sweet cat.”

13. A great pair

“Not mine, by my mother had two cats in Hawaii before I was born. She would tell stories about how one, Epo, was very intelligent, and the other, Popokie, was as dumb as a bag of rocks. Made a great pair.

She would talk about how they’d be playing out back and she would call them in for dinner. Epo would immediately show up, but Popokie would be lost in her very small backyard

She would just look at Epo and say: “Epo, go get Popokie!”

And Epo would run out and guide Popokie into the house and to his food dish so that he could have dinner.

Same sort of thing if she had no idea where Popokie was. She would just tell Epo to find him, and Epo would go search the house and bring Popokie to her.”

14. Faker

“Faked to have a paw injury so I’d carry him around the house.”

15. Head for the truck

“If I called my girlfriend at around 9 PM on a Friday, my dog would always get excited and head to the truck.

I was stationed in Shanghai for about a year, but lived for years in Thailand with my GF and my dog.

Whenever I had a long weekend I’d fly back to Thailand. My dog quickly picked up on the idea that whenever my GF switched from speaking Thai to English, she was talking to me. I would call her when I arrived at the airport on a Friday evening, as it was only about 15 minutes from our home, and she’d come pick me up.

My dog was able to put this whole scenario together and went ape-sh-t whenever I called on a Friday evening and he would immediately head for the truck to go pick me up. When I would call her at other hours of the day, he would look at her like he knew who she was talking to, but he knew that it didn’t mean that I was coming home.”

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10+ People Reveal the Things They Hate That Everyone Else Loves

We all have examples of this sort of unpopular opinion in our lives: things that everyone in the world seems to love that you just HATE. Could be a movie, a band, a trend, food, etc.

People on AskReddit revealed the things they really don’t care for that everyone else loves. What’s yours?

1. No thanks

“Take me out to eat for my birthday and get the waitresses to sing and smear cake in my face.”

2. Dummies

“To be irresponsible. FFS I’m not going to a party in a town a few dozen kms over without knowing how will I get back home. And even if I did, you can bet I wouldn’t spend all my money on booze.

They got stranded there, over 50km from home, with no money, with no one that could go get them, at 8 am.”

3. Weird

“Calling out to strangers pretending to know them. Walking up to them. Having a proper conversation and after they convince the stranger they met somewhere before saying oops wrong person…”

4. Different groups of friends

“Two different groups of friends. One loves heading out to places on the weekends where there’s always pounding music and shots, the other would rather stay in and watch netflix all weekend.

It’s killing me trying to drag either group towards a happy medium. I just want to go out somewhere for casual drinks where we can actually hear a conversation.”

5. Seems kinda pointless

“Buy the most expensive clothes and then not wear them again and buy more after a month or so.”

6. Nerd alert!

“Magic the gathering. Now I shouldn’t say I absolutely hate the game, I just never could get into it. What I absolutely hate is when we all get together to hang out, and they all end up playing for hours while I sit there not caring.”

7. Introvert

“Going out and bar hopping. Too much money and too many people. I’ll get faced at home, thanks”

8. Crappy

“I have friends who are in a really crappy punk band. I like punk, but their band is god-awful.”

9. No sex talk, por favor

“Unbeknownst to most of my friends, I am still a virgin. I don’t like hearing them talk about sex. It freaks me out.”

10. Anti-social media

“Taking pictures to post on social media. Can’t we just do something without having to talk about how many likes we’re getting!? It’s so annoying to me, I couldn’t care less. I mentioned this to one of them and apparently it was offensive. We’re in our mid-twenties. No one gives a s**t that we went out. Also I think it’s embarrassing to take a bunch of pictures over and over because they don’t like any of them, like get over yourself!”

11. I would not be friends with this person

“Horror movies. They go to the cinema on the regular to see whatever slasher-jump-scare movie is playing, but I just don’t enjoy it. I tried. I really did.

Now I either go and see a different movie that’s playing at the same time, or just meet them for drinks afterwards. It’s a good system.”

12. Let’s move on

“Get together and talk about their children. I liked it before when they had a personality and I could talk about more than 1 topic.”

13. Mallrats

“Hang around the mall. They never even get food while they’re there, they just look at clothes for 2 hours and leave! I just wanted Auntie Anne’s.”

14. No kids allowed

“This bar and grill that allows children after 10 p.m. My roommates and I come from the same city and they’re friends with some mutual acquaintances who have a daughter, so they always go to that place on Saturday nights because they can’t be assed to pay for a babysitter.

I’m not even a kid person in the first place, I refuse to have my Saturdays held hostage to a child.”

15. Let’s go to White Castle instead

“Going somewhere “nice” almost always entails some complicated booking system where we’re told we’ll get our table for 90 minutes only, and we have to jump through hoops if the party is larger than 6, somebody needs to leave a credit card number. You can sit down till everyone’s there. Half your group just want to instagram stuff so there’s that. The food is good but fussy and overpriced, you don’t want to say it but the steak you had at your local spot for a fraction of the price is more pleasant. If the order is not quite right you feel awkward or that you’re making too big a deal of it. Everyone’s sort of anxious and tense because we’re all uncomfortable both psychologically (ehh this is a place where some drinks cost more than my car) and physically (had to dress up to fit in). just can’t resist them.

I’m all for places that have better quality food, I’m 100% about getting out of my comfort zone and yes, sometimes it’s nice to be a little fancy. When I look back on some of the “ohh let’s go somewhere special!” evenings, objectively speaking I did not enjoy it.”

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Millennials Clap Back at Baby Boomers Who Say They Too Much Money on Unnecessary Luxuries

This Millennials vs. Baby Boomers fued seems to be never-ending…and I love it! The older Baby Boomers just love to point out how clueless they think these young Millennials are, and how irresponsible they are with their money.

Photo Credit: Flickr,State Farm

One of the big complaints from Baby Boomers is that these damn youngsters spend too much money on things that are completely unnecessary. Well, Millennials are a little sick and tired of the criticism, so they have been firing back on Twitter and taking their older counterparts to task. First item of business: plates and silverware.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Zing! Other young people added that many of them don’t have one good set of plates, let alone two.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

And then they sounded off about a variety of things that Baby Boomers do that really gets under their skin.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

And then they got a little more specific with some outrageous stories about the irresponsible spending of these old geezers.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

This Millennial summed up one of the major differences between the two generations pretty accurately.

Photo Credit: Twitter

And if Boomers really, really want to keep arguing, Millennials just need to show them this handy graph. And that should end the conversation…

Photo Credit: Twitter

h/t: Yes Plz

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These 20 Women Muster Up the Courage to Ask out Their Crush…and Then Share the Responses

Recently, British relationship blogger Oloni encouraged her female readers to take the leap – ask out that guy (or girl) you’ve been crushing on forever. For extra funsies, she wanted them to screenshot the responses and share them with #datechallenge (presumably to encourage others to carpe diem and all of that).

Photo Credit: Twitter

She may not have been prepared for the number of funny and/or downright insulting no responses that came in along the way, but we (as in the internet) thank her and the women who participated.

Enjoy!

#20. Yeah buddy!

Photo Credit: Twitter

#19. This made me laugh so hard.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#18. For some reason this is super duper cute.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#17. Awwww.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#16. Smiley face!

Photo Credit: Twitter

#15. My stomach dropped, too!

Photo Credit: Twitter

#14. Both?

Photo Credit: Twitter

#13. Keeper!

Photo Credit: Twitter

#12. Yikes!

Photo Credit: Twitter

#11. I’d take that as a nope.

Photo Credit: Twitter

 

#10. Okay but he used the wrong “you’re?” So…

Photo Credit: Twitter

 

#9. IDK about having to cook, though.

Photo Credit: Twitter

 

#8. What an arse.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#7. Wow is right.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#6. “I miss you.” *melts*

Photo Credit: Twitter

 

#5. I like a man who’s to the point.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#4. Cop. Out.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#3. So…no?

Photo Credit: Twitter

 

#2. Well that was uncalled for. Cripes.

Photo Credit: Twitter

#1. Busted.

Photo Credit: Twitter

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PETA Probably Shouldn’t Have Asked Twitter for Reasons to Eat Bacon

PETA, PETA, PETA. I admire your cause (even though I’m too much of a carnivore to join your ranks), but sometimes you just bring the pain upon yourself. Like recently, when the animal rights organization posed a question on Twitter that opened the floodgates for some serious Twitter snark.

Photo Credit: Twitter, PETA

As you might expect, some Twitter users immediately began trolling PETA.

Photo Credit: Twitter,benshapiro

Photo Credit: Twitter,MattWalshBlog

Some cut straight to the chase. IT’S DELICIOUS.

Others didn’t feel the need to offer a detailed explanation. It is what it is.

The debate spilled over into the political realm, as Utah Senator Orrin Hatch got in on the action. Hey, the man has principles.

Photo Credit: Twitter, senorrinhatch

Photo Credit: Twitter, senorrinhatch

When an angry Tweeter told the Senator, “I hope you choke on it,” he replied with a zinger.

Photo Credit: Twitter, senorrinhatch

This guy presented a very thoughtful response.

Photo Credit: Twitter, tonyposnanski

And then the trolls reappeared.

Photo Credit: Twitter, jasonrantz

Photo Credit: Twitter, NumbersMuncher

Where do you stand on this issue? Carnivore? Vegan? Vegetarian?

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Dave the Period Fairy: A Hero Without a Cape

There’s a weird phenomenon that every woman in America has been involved with since our twelfth birthdays (or before or after or whatever) – the shameful monthly period. Never mind that this natural biological function is necessary for the survival of the human race (which people with penises ought to be SUPER INVESTED IN btw), still, we are not supposed to talk about it. Instead, we’re supposed to pretend it’s not happening.

Photo Credit: NBC

I once had a guy I was dating refer to me as “broken” when I told him I was on my period. Seriously. WTF.

Photo Credit: Warner Bros.

It’s dumb. Yet despite periods being treated as a myth or whatever, all of us ladies understand how Jane felt when she was out hiking and, to her horror, discovered that Aunt Flo had showed up with bells, four days early. She posted the story of what happened on Reddit: how “Dave the Period Fairy” came to her rescue.

That aforementioned Period Fairy almost certainly now has his pick of internet women ready to marry at his leisure.

Seriously, one of the sexiest things about my husband is that I don’t have to act as if my normal, female body functions are something I ought to hide or be ashamed about, and if the responses to this reddit post are any indication, I’m definitely not the only woman out there who finds preparedness and, you know, acting like nature is normal super hot.

Photo Credit: Reddit

They’re up to 14k responses, so if you’re wanting in on some original Dave The Period Fairy action, you’ll need to get in line. And to all the men out there reading this – us women sincerely hope that you have been inspired to be a kind, respectful, and understanding Period Fairy.

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12 Times the Routine “Sexual History” Question Went Weird

The sexual history question is supposed to be routine. It’s there to cover bases and help doctors and nurses check off boxes and eliminate variables, or lead them to the source of a potential problem.

But, as these 12 stories from doctors, nurses, and patients can attest, when the subject of sex is invoked, the routine can swiftly veer into the absurd:

#1. Be Cool

When I was in year seven, probably 11 or 12 years old, I had broken my foot in a way that needed a minor surgery, so my cute twentysomething nurse was asking me the pre questions with my dad.

When she got to the personal part, she asked if I wanted my dad to leave the room, I said no, because, whatever.

When she asked if I was sexually active, I turned to my dad and said in a loud whisper, “I want her to think I’m cool.”

#2. Socially Active

The best response I’ve heard to this question was from a quiet guy in my freshman college English class.

Somehow our discussion on vaccines led to this topic, and he told a story about his doctor asking if he was sexually active.

His perfect response was, “Bro, I’m not even socially active.”

#3. Sweet Ride

One of my classmates was asking a 75 year old woman with dementia about her occupation for a PT exam.

Her response: “I give blowjobs in my garage to afford my sweet ride.”

#4. “Not that that would change a thing, though.”

I’m a hospital corpsman (navy medic) and I had this older retired salty dog as a patient a while ago.

His wife had passed away, but I didn’t know that.

When I asked if was sexually active he said, “Well, no for two reasons: I’m married, and she’s dead. Not that that would change a thing, though.”

I felt terrible, and then he just started laughing and told me not to feel bad.

Seriously caught me off guard though.

Crusty old bastard!

#5. Huge Difference

My doctor was just telling me a story…

Back when they first started performing vasectomies, doctors had to call their patients back for standard follow up questioning a number of weeks after the procedure.

He told me he got the same answers from all of the couples he interviewed:

Any Sensation change? -No, Any performance Change? – No… etc.

This went on and on… until one day, he asked a couple if there was anything different after the procedure. Any changes at all….

The wife said YES… There is a huge difference since he had the surgery.

My doc was very surprised, and when he inquired further, the wife said, “It tastes different”…

He said it was all he could do to keep from laughing as he made the note of, “Seminal fluid tastes different after procedure”

#6. Lottery

I told my doctor back in high school that I wasn’t sexually active and she said:

“And you go to ______ High School?! I should play the lottery!”

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10 Mind-Blowing Things These Men Learned About Women Simply by Dating One.

Since the dawn of time, men and women have been attempting to understand each other. To most men, women are a mystery. We didn’t realize how much of a mystery until we stumbled upon this AskReddit asking heterosexual men to reveal what they’ve learned about women since they began dating them. The responses are truly eye opening.

1. Gives_Wrong_Answer has some misconceptions on the mechanics of tampons. Sorry, guys. There’s nothing cool or explosive about them.

I had no clue that the string on the bottom of a tampon was to pull it out when you wanted to change it. I thought for sure that a girl stuck the tampon in, pulled the string, and it expanded like a mini explosive. Kind of like a rip cord and a parachute. I was clearly wrong.

2. Much to the surprise of catiesaur’s boyfriend, our vaginas do not spontaneously turn into Niagara Falls once a month. Though wouldn’t it be cool if they did? (No, it wouldn’t be cool. It would be gross.)

My very period-sympathetic boyfriend thought, up until a few months ago, that all the blood during a woman’s monthly period comes out all at once. In some massive torrential wave. (Apparently, we only wear tampons/pads for longer because we don’t know exactly when the flood is coming…)

3. In yet another case of menstruation confusion, stinkyP00 is just relieved to know that those marks on our underwear aren’t poop. Frankly, we’re relieved too.

I’ve lurked reddit for a while now, but I had to create my own account for this one. I never had any sisters and started dating my girlfriend a little over a year and a half ago. Well, one day within the first month or so of dating, I noticed she had some skid marks on her panties. I was thoroughly disgusted, but she’s awesome, so I let it slide. I later saw that she had more than one pair of skid marked underwear, and it remained a mystery as to why this awesome girl either A) had really bad diarrhea often or B) had no idea how to wipe her own ass. Again, this didn’t affect me too greatly, but I did find it to be a little odd. Fast forward a few months, when we went to visit her mom at her apartment. My GF’s little sister, who was 17 at the time, lived there as well. I went into her little sister’s room and saw she had panties on the floor… WITH SKID MARKS. I was aghast… Could this be a family issue? I couldn’t take it any more and I just had to ask my GF if she wasn’t raised with proper ass wiping technique. She laughed and told me it was period blood, and that girls have a few pairs of underwear they use specifically if they’re on their period. The world made a little more sense, and I was so relieved my girlfriend knew how to properly wipe her ass. I also felt like a dumbass.

TL;DR – Period blood stains sure look a hell of a lot like skid marks.

4. A common misconception we’ve seen on this thread is that men think our buttholes serve many more functions than they actually do. So much so that herromongorian’s boyfriend thought we had to see a special doctor just for our buttholes.

i told my boyfriend about my first gynecology appointment and was joking that the first time i got fingered was by a big female doctor (see principle from the movie matilda). he started fidgeting, turned pale and asked me why gynecologists have to finger women’s buttholes. he thought gynecologist=butthole doctor.

5. Vomit=pregnant, according to topo_di_biblioteca’s boyfriend.

My boyfriend thought “morning sickness” (meaning you are pregnant) occurred the morning directly after you’ve had sex. He freaked out when I had a stomach flu one morning after staying over.

6. Yes, Someonedumb, we do this. What can we say? Girls love snacks. If your snacks look delicious, we’re going to eat them. That’s the way it goes.

That they’ll tell you they’re not hungry then eat the food off your plate one piece at a time.

7. Hey, MSJallDAY, it’s not easy controlling long hair in this humidity, okay? We need some reinforcement.

Bobby pins, bobby pins everywhere.

8. Thank you for understanding, IEatBluePlayDough. Looking good isn’t cheap!

The financial burden of makeup.

9. OnlySarcasm, do you think we keep asking you to put the toilet seat down for fun? No! It’s for safety! An open toilet is a dangerous toilet.

that they actually will fall in the toilet if you leave it up..

10. Perhaps all the bragging about penis size can at last come to an end thanks to this revelation by Camtronocon.

“Why would we care how long your limp penis is?”

Mind blown

Well, guys, this has been fascinating. I think we’ve all learned a lot here today.

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29 People Reveal the Darkest Family Secrets They Ever Discovered

Growing up, I never understood quite how lucky I was to have a boring family (at least until I had already moved out!) and reading these 29 Reddit users’ stories about their family’s deep, dark secrets only serves to reaffirm me – because THEY CRAY!

1. NAZIS!

“I married this woman a few years ago. After dating her a while, I could tell there was something strange about her family. She claimed that she didn’t know what part of the world her ancestors were from, didn’t know where her last name came from, her parents had blonde hair and blue eyes, but had Latino accents. I later found out their first language was Portuguese and they were from Brazil.

Anyway, about a year after we were married, she sat down with me and explained that her grandparents were avid Nazis who fled to Brazil just before the war ended. She obviously didn’t like for people to know this, and had a hard time finding a way to tell me. I didn’t really care. I told her that I loved her for who she was and it didn’t matter who her grandparents were, all that mattered was who she was.

Anyway, it seemed important for her that I meet her relatives in Brazil, and apparently, her parents went there to visit every few years. So we planned the most bizarre trip of my life. When you first arrive, nothing seems off about the colony. They speak Portuguese and German, they have jobs, they drive cars, they don’t stand out in any way except that they look different than other Brazilians. The colony is isolated, and the few locals who are around don’t seem to care of really quite grasp what’s going on.

But once you start talking to people, you realize that they are deeply disturbed and have a deep-seated hatred for anyone who is different from them, especially Jews. I remember one conversation I had with her great uncle, a man who, I kid you not, had a Hitler mustache.

‘If you are going to be a part of this family you have to understand what we are planning. This is not some sad, little nursing home for the Nazi way of life to die, it is merely an incubator.’”

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Medical Pros Reveal the Most NSFW Situations They Encountered at Work

A lot of us like to stay away from NSFW content at work.

Hence the acronym…

But, what if the NSFW actually happens at work?

Well, I suppose you take to AskReddit, and you start sharing those stories.

At least that’s what these 18 doctors, nurses, and vets did:

#1. That should do it

“A person thought pouring Lysol on their diabetic foot-ulcer would keep it from getting infected.”

#2. Ugh!

“An obese women came back to the hospital after an abdominal operation, because her staples had ripped off, and she didn’t notice (!?!).

She now had a huge v-shape gash at least 2 inches deep from her pubis to the diaphragm. We had to clean that gash a couple of times a day.

The first student that went into the room fainted at the site of it, so our teacher asked me to do it (I had the reputation of being tough).

Imagine a small yellow and green river coming out of her each time she moved. The smell was so horrible that we had to opened the window and close the door.

Sadly, that poor woman died of the infection a couple of days later.”

#3. Good job parents!

“A patient’s extended family physically stopped us from resuscitating a completely limp and unresponsive newborn because helping it breathe, ‘isn’t natural. Labor is natural and requires no intervention.’

Baby eventually and slowly perked up about 15 minutes later.

Needless to say, I don’t expect this baby to go to Harvard.”

#4. Kind of like ‘The Walking Dead’

“I had a homeless patient come into the dermatology clinic. He had a filthy bed sheet wrapped around his head, with only part of the left side of his face and left eye exposed.

You could see the rancid stink coming off of his head.

We got him in the exam room and unwrapped his noggin. Turns out he had a basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer) for which he had refused treatment, for like 15 years.

The cancer had eaten away all of the skin on most of his head. There were very large areas of muscle and bone exposed.

The tumor had eaten into his skull and you could see into his skull as well as his sinuses. His right ear was long gone.

I could watch his muscles move and contract while he spoke. It was literally like watching something from The Walking Dead, except there was no sign of infection or maggots or anything else horrible.

It has literally a living, dissected skull talking to us like it was totally normal.

It was simultaneously horrifying and amazing to see.”

 

#5. Bath salts?

“Walked into back room with two patients with CP (cerebral palsy). Another client was in the back with FEMA and mentally disabled.

FEMA client was eating one of the CP clients’ face off.

Blood everywhere, and the screaming is enough to stick in my mind forever.

1/4 of her face was missing after that.”

#6. Fun with veggies

“Bok choi in an adult male’s ass.

Insisted it just, ‘slipped in.’

Removed it, and it had a condom on it.”

#7. Beware of washcloths

“A story about a quadriplegic guy who just had an operation. My teacher, another student, and I were taking care of it.

The teacher took a washcloth and decided to clean his face, and that’s when it happened.

The guy started to eat the washcloth. Yes, eat it.

The more he would eat it, the more he would start to choke on it.

The other student panicked. My teacher was pulling on the washcloth with her 2 hands and her knee on the bed to get some grip.

Nothing…

The guy was still eating it and choking. So I had, probably the best idea in my life, and I block his nostrils with my hand.

He couldn’t breathe, so he let go of the washcloth.

The 3 of us were shaking, sweating and swearing to never put a washcloth near the mouth of someone who just came back from surgery.

The funny thing is that I talked to the guy a couple of days later, and he didn’t remember a thing.”

#8. OBGYN

“Probably the most disgusting time of your medical school career will be your obstetrics and gynecology rotation.

You can expect on a daily basis to be splattered with blood/amniotic fluid mixtures, and on a slightly less frequent basis to be covered in vomit, urine, and poop.

For me the worst was assisting with C-sections. Mostly as the med student it would be your job to hold the retractor, which means standing there and pulling on a big metal thing and staying perfectly still.

Once they cut into the uterus, the amniotic fluid and blood all spills out all over your hands and arms and drips onto your gown and down to your feet.

It’s warm and there’s a lot of it and you can feel it through your gloves, but you can’t move.

That’s not really a special occurrence. It’s literally every day for the whole month (or more if you decide you like it of course).”

#9. Classy

“Walked in on a woman blowing her husband.

She had just delivered a baby 2 hours prior, who was in the NICU.
If my hubby had asked me to do that even a week after having our baby, I would have punched him in his dick-hole.”

#10. Depressing

“The worst day on the job was being the nurse for a pregnant woman who was due the same week as me…

I was in the room when the doctor told her that there wasn’t a heartbeat anymore. I sat with her while she cried.

Her boyfriend didn’t answer her calls.

She was hospitalized for an infection and I visited her after my shift. I felt so awful that she had to go through that alone.

I later found out that my baby had trisomy 13 and had an abortion.

I felt guilty for watching a woman cry over what she couldn’t control and then opting out of a wanted, albeit flawed, pregnancy.”

#11. A man and his dildo

“My dad is an ER doctor. Early in his career, he had a big, burly truck driver come into the emergency room and flat out say, ‘Doc I’ve got a dildo in my ass you’ve gotta get it out.’

So, my dad takes him into a room with a nurse accompanying him, has the guy bend over and grab the exam table, and my dad tells the nurse to duck when he says so.

He grabs hold of the end of the dildo with those gator clamp things, and straight yanks it out as hard as he can.

The nurse behind him never ducked, and a splurge of blood and shit hits her, full-frontal.

My dad said the nurse ran out screaming, leaving behind a perfect silhouette against the wall while the dildo flopped around the floor, still vibrating.”

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