17 Memes That All True Crime Junkies Know Are True

Keep telling your friends that you’re simply doing research when you keep watching grisly true crime documentaries.

So if we watch a ton of TV about people who do get murdered, we will never get murdered. We’ll be able to look for all the signs that somebody is planning our imminent demise and foil them before they can set their diabolic machinations in motion…

Or something like that…

Enjoy the memes!

17. Jeffrey always knows what we want…

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

16. Same.

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

15. It’s not like we’re NOT junkies…

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

14. Business idea!

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

13. Kill that party conversation!

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

12. SVU = Sexiest Victims Unit…

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

11. That’s true. Don’t ask me how I know.

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

10. It’s a thing…

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

9. Correction… I never had any other plans in the first place.

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

8.You never know with these shows!

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

7. How could they do this to their child!?

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

6. Oh yes. I’m on the case now!

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

5. Number one life goal: never get murdered

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

4. Other me always wins…

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

3. Can’t the laundry fold itself?!

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

2. I’ve got at least 3 hours to sleep after that…

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

1. Ahhhh, sweet nightmares!

Photo Credit: Powerful Mind

My only advice for the rest of the night: don’t get murdered.

You’re welcome!

The post 17 Memes That All True Crime Junkies Know Are True appeared first on UberFacts.

This Service Dog’s Mischief Has the Internet in Stitches

This is Arwen, a Husky/Kelpie mix and according to one of her adoptive family members, is, wait for it, “a little asshole.”

Photo Credit: Tumblr

In reality, Arwen is a trained autism service dog and highly intelligent. Where was she trained, you ask? Why, in prison, of course, as part of an inmate rehab/service dog program. Certainly, time in the cooler can teach a dog a lot about life.

So, now that she’s adopted, Arwen seems to get herself into all sorts of shenanigans. In fact, Tumblr user gallusrostromegalus decided to share with the world all the trouble Arwen causes.

Which is a lot.

At first, Arwen’s new family calls her shenanigans a “learning curve.”

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Prison AC?

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Why did it have to be snakes?

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Another prickly situation.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Arwen sometime starts fights with her cousin over who gets the recliner.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Shenanigan bonus time!

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Arwen could be part monkey.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Arwen can’t help herself. She’s got a mind for shenanigans.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Whatever the background to her mischief making, Arwen’s tails – make that tales – has got the internet crazy for this funny dog and her adventures. She may not always be a good dog, but she’s certainly an entertaining one.

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Tweets About Americans That Are Very, Very Wrong

Americans have a bit of a reputation around the world. Our culture is unique, and we take a lot of pride in being from the US of A. This gives our friends overseas an interesting impression of us – and sometimes they pick up information that isn’t quite right.

Here are 17 tweets that miss the mark when it comes to Americans:

1. This is a horrifying thought

2. Where’s my basket?

3. Twice per day, actually

4. Only sometimes

5. This is more of a regional thing

6. That would be magical, but no

7. I don’t think it’s true, but it makes sense

8. Someone lied to you

9. This one’s actually true, and it pains my introverted heart

10. Only if they’re deep fried

11. Lawn dwarves is a terrible name

12. I believe this is true, and I regret not taking this approach in the past

13. Maybe I was asleep in science class, but I don’t think so

14. I vote cry

15. Clap? Occasionally. Stand up? Nah.

16. I’m so glad this isn’t true

17. Nope, wrong country

If you need me, I’ll be listening to “God Bless America” on repeat.

The post Tweets About Americans That Are Very, Very Wrong appeared first on UberFacts.

This Dad Took the Family Cat to the Groomer and Returned with an Accordion-Shaped Cat

There’s probably no one alive who hasn’t left a hair salon with that sick, annoyed, or angry feeling in the pit of their stomach that can only mean one thing – you got a bad haircut.

Our pets are not exempt from this rule, though whether or not they feel embarrassed over a poor snip is up for discussion.

Twitter user Caitlin Christine shared these hilarious images of her family’s cat after a botch job that honestly? Might not have totally been the groomer’s fault.

 

Because her father dropped the cat off and asked for it to “look like a tiger, do what you can do” in order to mess with his wife.

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Expectation vs. reality #slinkycat

A post shared by OFFICIAL SLINKY CAT ACCOUNT (@ollietheslinkycat) on

 

And this is what they got. Pure genius.

The family was fairly amused, but mom didn’t quite see the humor in owning an accordion-shaped cat for the weeks to come.

Image Credit: Twitter

Twitter, however, definitely came down on the “this is hilarious” side.

Because, come on… this IS hilarious.

Mom needs to grow a sense of humor.

Classic dad move…

Decide for yourself, but idk. I think she’s going to find the whole thing funny.

Eventually…

The post This Dad Took the Family Cat to the Groomer and Returned with an Accordion-Shaped Cat appeared first on UberFacts.

15+ People Reveal the Most Disrespectful Things People Did in Their Homes

It’s pretty unbelievable that some people don’t have any clue how to behave in someone else’s house.

These people definitely don’t…and the results are hilarious.

Enjoy!

1. Very Bed Manners

“She invited a bunch of sleazy guys over, despite me asking her not to. She let them in while I was in the shower, so I did not realize they were in my house.

She then took one into my housemate’s bedroom and locked the door (super disrespectful to my housemate who had so kindly offered that she could stay in her room as she was going to be at her boyfriend’s for the weekend).

When I got out of the shower, one of the guys was in my bed!

And I was like dude, get the heck out of my bedroom. And he refused and said my friend said he could stay there.

I was very not ok with that. I physically had to push him out of my house. The next day when she sobered up, I kicked her out of my house and did not speak to her for three years.”

2. Mirror Image

“It was my mother-in-law who came to visit my then boyfriend and I. We were in a rental that had a weird little bathroom that the rest of the house made up for.

But I got up in the morning and went to the gym and grabbed some food to make dinner. When I got home, I went to shower and she has taken down the bathroom mirror (which came with the rental!) and put up a new one that was really ugly and too small.

I wrapped myself in a towel and switched it back. She asked me why I did that and I told her it wasn’t my mirror and gave her the other one back.”

3. A Horrible Husband

“My ex husband and I had a couple that we were friends with. I grew up in the same neighborhood with the husband, and worked at a bar with the wife.

They had met and gotten married in Vegas 3 weeks later, so naturally there was a lot of buzz about their relationship, and her intentions (the guy was super sweet, and she was, well, sketchy).

We had them over for dinner and karaoke, and the night was fun.

She kept taking selfies on our disposable camera with my husband, and wanting to sing duets with him, but whatever.

Her husband and I finally tapped out around 2 am, and they stayed up. I woke up the next morning, and there was drink stains ALL OVER my bar room.

Clothes everywhere, half butted cigs, lip prints on my big mirror. She had slept with my husband while her husband and I were sleeping.

I don’t think the poor guy even realized what happened, I never even really had a fallout with her.

She quit the bar and I never saw her again. They did get divorced, but I don’t know if that’s why.

As far as my husband and I, I was young, and naive.

It took me a little while to realize my worth, but when I did, I went out with a bang. Sent him a pic of his belongings outside our condo and never looked back.”

4. The Piggy Bank

“My wife’s cousin was staying at our house because he was going through marital problems.

One night I woke up in the middle of the night and I heard some change rattling. He walks down the hall with my 5 year old’s piggy bank.

He was taking money from my daughter’s freaking piggy bank to buy drinks and smokes.

I was speechless. Like, ‘How could you?’ He claimed he was too embarrassed to ask me or my wife for money. So he resorted to stealing it.

If I would not have woken up that night, we would have never known. A day or so later, he got some money from somewhere and put $200 in her piggy bank. He was only sorry because he got caught. He left shortly after that incident.

Still bothers me to this day.”

5. Nope. Period.

“My college roommate invited a bunch of people over one night. We each had our own bathroom, clearly marked.

I go to get something from my room and hear obvious banging going on in my bathroom. I knock on the door and say, ‘Wrong one, get the heck out.’

After they came out, I saw that they had cleaned themselves up on my nice white towels.

Apparently, she was on her period.”

6. Something’s Fishy

“Back in college, my roommates and I hosted a birthday party for a mutual friend at our apartment. Earlier that day we gifted her a pet goldfish because she had been talking about getting a fish.

Fast forward to later in the night.

Our male friend, let’s call him Mike, decided he needed to find a way to impress our other friend, who I’ll call Darla.

Mike tries every lame joke and pick up line on Darla and fails time and time again. Then he sees the goldfish in his tank and scoops him up in his hand.

He says, ‘Check this out, Darla!’ He then plops the fish into his mouth and swallows it alive. My roommate and I immediately rush over and start trying to make Mike puke the fish back up.

Darla quickly makes for the door and leaves the party.

Sadly, that fish met its doom in Mike’s stomach that night.

He never apologized although he did complain about severe stomach issues for several days afterwards.”

7. Caught Red Handed

“When I was in cub scouts in third grade, my mom hosted a meeting for the scouts in my grade at school where we built bird houses for some badge or something.

While we were waiting for everyone to arrive, me and the scouts who had already arrived started playing in my backyard.

One scout, let’s call him ‘N,’ told us he had to go to the bathroom ‘really bad’ and left. When everyone arrives to start the project, I notice that N was sitting at the edge of the table looking down and my mom was REALLY angry, and was trying her best to suppress it.

She asked me and all the other scouts if I had given N permission to go in my room. Me and all my friends said, ‘No, he said he had to go to the bathroom really bad.’

This response only made my mom even more visibly angry and N ducked his head more. 5 minutes later N’s mom arrives and is apologizing profusely to my mom.

Turns out N went into my room, pocketed the 20 dollars I had been saving up (I got paid 2 dollars a week for mowing the lawn as an allowance), and was stuffing my toys and video games into his backpack.

My mom went upstairs to ACTUALLY use the bathroom and noticed the theft taking place and caught him red-handed.

He then lied to my mom and said I gave him permission to go into my room and he was just ‘checking it out.’

But no, my mom caught him red handed and my mom is SCARY when she’s mad. In total, he tried to steal around $150 in Game Boy cartridges, Pokemon cards and toys and around 3 months of allowance.”

8. With Family Like This…

“I was hit by a car when bicycling to work one day. I ruptured a kidney, broke my jaw and six teeth, and was in general pretty banged up.

My boyfriend at the time was overwhelmed by it and he called my family for support (without me knowing, otherwise I would have told him not to).

I hadn’t spoken to them in about five years at this point.

They drove 10 hours to our apartment. My boyfriend and I had arranged a suite of rooms at the beautiful hotel literally around the corner from us but they said it would be better if the FIVE of them slept in our one bedroom apartment with us.

Fine.

I’m pretty out of it from medication, etc. They had never been to my city before so they insisted I show them around.

I got them behind the scenes passes to tour Pixar studios and tried to show them around as much as possible despite the fact I could barely move or walk from the pain in my kidney.

After a few days, I told them I couldn’t keep going places with them.

They said I was ruining their vacation. I responded that I didn’t know it was a vacation, I thought they came to visit me because they were concerned about my near-death accident.

My mother laughed at that. I told them all to get the heck out of my apartment. On the way out, my sister stole all my pain meds.

I didn’t realize it until several hours later when they were long gone and I couldn’t find them to take my next dose.

I had to go back to the ER and the staff didn’t want to give me more meds because they thought I was doing something illegal.

I had to recover from serious injuries without help.”

9. Stay Away From That Kid

“When I was a kid, my mom had a friend and her son over. They were over for a couple hours and just as they were leaving I noticed all of my video games were gone, I told my mom, she goes and grabs his backpack and off course they were all in his bag.

His mother immediately came to his defense, saying he’s got a lot of games and must have thought they were his.

It didn’t even make sense and she acted as if nothing had happened.

Anyway, terrible mother, kid had no chance.

He is now in jail for life no parole for shooting and killing a cop during a coke bust.

There were about 10 or 11 years between the time this happened and the time he went to jail.

I was around 7 or 8 and he was around 9 or 10.

Our parents stopped being friends, but they still hung around the same social groups.

He got expelled multiple times until he was expelled from the district. In middle school he got mad at someone and brought a peashooter to school and shot him in the butt.

Then a couple years later he made a pipe bomb and stuck it in a locker. He was arrested multiple times for vandalism.

His mother was always the type of person that would defend him at any cost.”

10. Immature Friend

“Buddy from college was traveling through town and stayed with my wife and I for the weekend. Nothing crazy, hung out and remembered our college years.

A few days after he left, my guest bathroom reeked. Took a bit to figure out but finally discovered an upper decker (poop in the sink) left for us.

Disgusting.

He thought he was being funny. Our group in college would pull pranks on each other all the time (not this bad).

The problem is everyone else matured, he did not. Our paths haven’t crossed since he stayed with us, only a few comments in group chats.

He hasn’t apologized, told me to ‘chill, it was just a joke’… honestly, I’m done.”

11. Yeah, Ya Dumb

“My new neighbor moved into his house on the same day as my youngest daughter’s first birthday party.

He had a young kid (around 6 or 7) close to the age of my nieces, so I invited him and his family over.

After they’re in the house for around 10 minutes, I notice he’s no longer there, but his daughter is still eating pizza at my table.

I looked all over the house and couldn’t find him. I walked down to his house and knocked on the doors.

Nobody answered and his car was gone.

Nearly 4 hours later, the last of the guests had left, it was around 9:30 pm and he still was nowhere to be found.

He finally came back at 10 pm (walked right in without knocking) and acted like nothing was wrong. I pulled him outside and told him that it is not okay to leave a small child with complete strangers, certainly not for that long, and not without letting someone know.

His excuse? We seemed like decent people and he needed to pick up a few more boxes from their old house.

I actually have quite a few stories about this guy and he’s only been on my street for 7 months.

1) I had finished cutting the grass and went upstairs to take a shower. After getting dressed, I heard a noise downstairs.

I was home alone, my wife wouldn’t be done work for an hour or so, and my kids were at their grandparents.

So, I go to investigate and find the neighbor’s daughter in my rec room, playing with my children’s toys.

I asked what she was doing and she said she wanted to come over to play. I told her the kids weren’t here, she shouldn’t be here, and needs to go home right away.

I actually had to physically pick her up and carry her to her house, because she didn’t want to leave.

I told her father what was going on and he said, ‘Oh, yeah, I figured she went over there.’

That was it. No apology, no explanation, no talking to his child. I told him that from now on, unless he or his wife is physically present, she will not be permitted in my house.

I’m not interested in being accused of anything.

2) A few weeks before Christmas, I threw my back out and had to take some pretty heavy painkillers.

I was home alone, had just put some food in the oven, and he rang my doorbell. I hobbled over, opened the door and asked what was up.

‘I heard from [neighbor between us] that you hurt your back and wanted to check on you.’

‘Thanks, bud, I appreciate that.

I’m alright, just getting ready to eat some lunch, then take a nap. Why don’t you swing by later and play some games or something.’

I’m trying to be a good neighbor.

He tells me that he doesn’t have a lot of time, but figured he’d stay and chat for a bit.

‘Sorry, but I can’t really chat right now. My back is pretty bad, I’m due for my meds, and I really have to get back inside.’

He then tries to chat about whatever the heck was on his mind after I told him two more times that I’m in a lot of pain.

I finally just closed the door while he was still talking.

3) They had a baby a few months ago and my wife figured she’d offer to babysit for a few hours to let them get out of the house and relax.

She knocks on their door and this dude answers in his boxers and slippers. He’s not exactly the kind of guy you’d enjoy seeing in his boxers and slippers.

He invited my wife in and asked if she wanted anything. She’s like, ‘Uh, actually, I can’t stay. I was running to the grocery store and wanted to see if you were low on any baby supplies.’

4) My doorbell rang last Wednesday.

I open the door within 30 seconds of it ringing to find him sitting on my lawn. Not in the steps, not on the chairs on the porch, just in the grass facing away from the house.

He just wanted to come by and hang out for a bit until his wife and kids came home.

Side note: The shame of it is that he’s actually super nice, just incredibly stupid and awkward. I’m about 95% sure their daughter is on the spectrum, but I don’t think the parents notice because of how stupid the father is.”

12. What The What?!

“One night the girls who lived in the apartment across the hall brought a friend with them to hang with us.

As soon as she walked in, she screamed, ‘This will be hilarious. College guys always get the crappy, hand me down dishes from their parents!’

She walked into the kitchen and began pulling out pans and dishes and howling about how old and ratty they were.

Our friends were mortified.

When they tried to talk to her, she talked louder. After 30 seconds of this lunacy, my roommate and I told her to leave.

She threw a giant fit and called us jerks.

When we honestly tried to come up with some justification for her after the fact, the best that we could come up with was that maybe she was being (way, way) too familiar.

I can see a close friend opening my cabinet and saying good-naturedly, ‘Man, college kids are an excuse for parents to dump their old stuff and buy new.’

If that was her intent, she failed.”

13. Well, Shit!

“We had friends over for my girlfriend’s birthday and to celebrate moving into a new apartment together for the first time.

A guy we knew from college kept stealing people’s drinks throughout the night and got incoherently wasted.

He lived a couple hours away but was too wasted to go home, so we let him stay despite already having a friend from out of town who planned to stay with us.

In the middle of the night, the wasted dude stripped down, forced the other guest off the only air mattress and pooped himself massively.

He then tracked poopy footprints all over the apartment, smacked poopy handprints on all the door knobs, including in the bedroom where we were sleeping, covered all our towels/some blankets in his butt sauce, and peed in some places.

Oh but it’s not like he didn’t make it to the bathroom – he left a second, possibly third dump in the toilet.

No flush. No apology. Just left at like 6 am, without his poopy underpants. Those he left on the ruined air mattress in a steaming heap.

Needless to say, the surprise breakfast waffles for my girlfriend were not as enjoyable.”

14. In The Army Now

“When my husband was in the army, we invited a bunch of single soldiers to have Thanksgiving dinner at our house rather than let them languish in the barracks.

One of them was a childish private. He began the night by plopping down on the sofa to play with his Gameboy and announced that he hated turkey.

Ignored everyone else for the next hour.

Alright. No problem. I made a massive dinner and there’s plenty of other things to eat.

When it came time to serve up the buffet, people lined up and were heaping their plates and this jerk kept loudly complaining that there was nothing good.

Selected a few items and joined everyone at the table. Took one bite of one thing, visibly gagged and threw down his fork.

Announced that all this food was ‘dirt’ and left the table. Went back to the sofa with his Gameboy. I think that everyone was in such shock that nobody knew how to react.

This was so far outside of the norm that there’s no way to prepare for such a thing. Nobody wanted to ruin the evening by making a scene, so everyone focused on making me feel better.

(Lots of quick hugs and pats on the shoulder with words of encouragement.) Maybe they were waiting for my husband to do something and he was loading up at the buffet and talking at the time so he missed it.

Everyone blew it off and ignored him for awhile.

We enjoyed our meal and people went out of their way to tell me how lovely the food was and to thank me for inviting them.

People began to break up and get drinks. Music was turned up and we settled in for a nice evening.

About an hour after dinner, the stinker began to complain that he was hungry.

That there wasn’t anything to eat. He would NOT shut up. Demanded that somebody order pizza. At one point he asked for a peanut butter sandwich.

People were ‘hushing’ him, but he got worse, so I tried to placate him. I made him one and he was mad because it was whole wheat bread and he only liked white.

After he rejected the sandwich, I didn’t know what the heck to do.

I stood there holding the darn thing and I was pretty close to throwing it at him. Three soldiers abruptly excused themselves, pulled him off the couch, and marched him outside.

The soldiers came back in about fifteen minutes later, picked up their drinks, and continued the conversation like nothing ever happened.

I never saw him again. And I mean ever. He must’ve been banned from every social function from then on out because it’s like he never existed.”

15. Turn The Fucking Xbox Off!

“Years ago, my then boyfriend (now ex) came over to my house unexpectedly the day of my mom’s birthday.

My siblings and I were busy decorating. He made himself comfortable on the couch and played on the Xbox, he was out of the way so I ignored him.

Just before she gets home, I make him turn off the console. Mom gets home and we do the whole ‘Surprise!’ bit. Ex immediately (like, my mom hadn’t even gotten past the entryway) grabbed the controller, turned the Xbox on, slapped my butt and told me to ‘get him a drink’ as he sat back down on the couch.

I snatched the controller out of his hands and told him to go home.

I was already looking for a reason to break up with him.

I’d recently realized that his ‘quirks’ were actually unpredictable things he did because he had a drinking problem.

We only saw each other about twice a week so I hadn’t been up close and personal with the weird stuff he did after drinking and apparently he’d had a few before coming over.

At this point, it’s important to add that his license was revoked so he got around on a motorized Razor scooter.

But I had gotten really close to his friend group and didn’t want to lose them. I didn’t talk to him for a couple of days, had a chance meeting with my now husband, and dumped the ex via a ‘we should see other people’ text.”

16. A Pair Of Dolts

“My husband’s friend and her boyfriend arrived from overseas. We hadn’t met him previously.

On day one, the boyfriend googled ‘buy weed in (city name),’ got scammed into sending a lot of cash to Nigeria via Western Union to pay for it, then gave them our address for delivery.

No weed ever turned up, but the police did.

On day two, he wanked in the shower and his load got caught by the hair catcher in the drain, which I discovered when I cleaned the shower.

Nearly vomited.

On day three, the pair of them had a massive raging argument at our dinner table while the four of us were sitting down to eat.

They were yelling insults at each other and trying to get us to join in and take a side.

It went on like this for about a week until my husband told them to leave.

They tried to come back a few days later because they’d discovered that our country is expensive and they’d prefer free accommodation with us.

We declined.”

17. Disney Dummy

“I prepared a Disney-themed surprise party for a good friend of mine in my apartment. Every corner had a different Disney theme.

I made almost all the decorations by hand and the result was truly amazing. I spent around 3 days decorating my whole apartment and preparing her favorite foods.

It wasn’t supposed to be a party with a lot of people but I invited our close friends and asked them to come without having dinner first.

Some vegetarian friends who were coming mentioned that they were bringing a friend of theirs who was vegan so I made a big buffet including the birthday girl’s favorite foods, a few vegan dishes, a big pitcher of fresh mocktails to share, everyone’s favorite snacks including a few vegan snacks on the side…

Think the big picture, a baked Brie, nice homemade hummus, cut-up fresh veggies, vegan dips made with veganaise, vegan macaroni salad, nachos, French bread, hot spinach dip, bacon poppers, a spinach Asian salad, a huge pecan cake Frozen-themed, vegan marshmallows dipped in vegan chocolate, popcorn caramel cake pops…

That didn’t even include the snacks I bought since these were all homemade.

Anyway, my friends get to my place and they are late, but it’s not a big deal.

The birthday girl is truly surprised. It looks magical and the food looks amazing. I invite people to start digging in right away…

and no one grabs a plate except me and my boyfriend. Turns out they went out to dinner right before coming here when I specifically asked them not to.

I mention that I made a lot of vegan dishes since I knew their vegan friend that I never even met was coming…

yet she doesn’t thank me or attempt to eat anything. She says, ‘Nah, I’m good I ate before coming here!’

The birthday girl eventually gets some stuff but mostly the snacks I bought. I tried to camouflage my tears by inviting people to play games.

We played for an hour and a half until my friend said she was tired and wanted to go home. Other people just followed behind her.

3 days of decorating and cooking.

Around $100 worth of food and snacks. All of this for maximum two hours. When they left, I cried so hard and my boyfriend was livid.

He couldn’t believe how ungrateful my friends were. I used to be very generous to my friends but ever since that happened, I’ve stopped making parties, dinners and gifts.

It really broke my heart and my view on our friendships has never been the same since then.”

Sooo… which one was the rudest?

Share this post and let your friends know!

The post 15+ People Reveal the Most Disrespectful Things People Did in Their Homes appeared first on UberFacts.

Nurses Admit the Worst Things People Got Stuck Inside of Them. Yikes.

Are people ever gonna learn? You probably shouldn’t put foreign objects in the orifices of your body! I mean ever!

Here are genital horror stories from the Buzzfeed community and they are absolutely harrowing!

Nothing can prepare you for this, so here we go!

1. That’s your revenge?

“A lady came in with a knife still in her vagina. She claimed that an intruder assaulted her, but the area was not bleeding; it was as if the knife was slid into her.

She later revealed that she did it herself to ‘get revenge’ on her boyfriend…”

2. OH MY GOD

“My step-grandma was a gynecologist.

She once had an older woman come in, and at one point they took X-rays.

Apparently the woman had a potato growing in her uterus. INSIDE OF HER UTERUS!”

3. I fell on it…

“My adoptive mom who was a nurse once had a patient who came in with a flashlight stuck up his butt.

He claimed that he accidentally fell on it, but he had a history of ‘falling’ on objects that way.”

4. OUCH

“A coworker of mine had a patient who decided to stick a crochet needle up his penis while drunk.

The urologist on call had to surgically remove the object.”

5. Not a joke

“A guy tried to make a butt plug out of Lego and duct tape, and got it stuck in his ass.

I wish I was kidding.”

6. Not very bright (Hey o!)

“My mom always remembers the guy who put a lightbulb up his ass.

I asked her how they got it out, and her response was, ‘With great difficulty.’”

7. We need that back

“One night a man came in with the biggest black dildo I have ever seen shoved in his butt. We actually had to follow him around while holding a bucket under his ass.

When it was finally removed, his partner asked us to clean it off and said, ‘We’re going to need that back,’ and then she winked at me.”

8. This is insane

“A man came into the ER, blue in the face, looking like he was about to die. They checked all over his body but couldn’t figure out what was wrong. They flipped him over and saw a TAIL coming out of his butt. After doing a CT scan, they found a rat inside his rectum. The rat bit off part of his colon, and the man was suffering from internal bleeding, which is why his face turned blue.

Apparently the man decided to place a condom over the live rat to suffocate it and then place it up his butt so its breathing would hit his prostate and he would feel pleasure. The man made a full recovery, but the poor rat died.”

9. Time for surgery

“I work at the gastrointestinal lab at a local hospital. We were doing a colonoscopy on a guy who had a carrot stuck up his butt…that his wife put there. We weren’t able to remove it, so he had to go into surgery. The colon is curved, people. Don’t shove straight, long things up there that aren’t flexible.”

10. Trailing behind him

“I once had a guy come in with a shower head up his butt. He had the whole hose trailing behind him like a tail as well.”

11. Ballerina

“My friend is a nurse in the ER. One time a guy came in and complained that something was stuck in his urethra.

He said it hurt too bad to take out, and he ultimately started bleeding from there.

Turns out it was a little ballerina figurine from a music wind-up jewelry box. Wow.”

12. What is wrong with everyone?

“The craziest thing was when a man came in with a Barbie doll’s arm stuck in his urethra (pee hole).

Apparently, he ordered a sex doll off eBay, and when it arrived it was actually a Barbie doll.

He was so angry that he ripped off the doll’s arm and shoved it up his penis.”

13. At least it was a toy

“I once had a patient come in with stomach pains. I took an X-ray of his abdomen and asked what happened.

He told me he didn’t know. I hung his X-ray on the light box and saw that there was a toy lizard in his rectum.”

14. That sounds awful

“A prisoner came in with penis issues. Turned out he shoved a piece of floss really far up his urethra, just so he could get out of his cell.”

15. Did you learn a lesson?

“I’m a nurse in an ER. One day a woman came waddling in with a set of tongs stuck between her legs.

She used them to masturbate and inserted the tongs into her vagina. The clip that holds the tongs shut opened, and the tongs became hopelessly lodged into her vagina.

She had to be taken to the operating room to have them surgically removed and nearly perforated her uterus.”

Okay, I need a shower… stat!

The post Nurses Admit the Worst Things People Got Stuck Inside of Them. Yikes. appeared first on UberFacts.

All of These Photos Are Going to Make You Very Uncomfortable

I gotta say…these pics are just downright weird. Bizarre. Strange. Odd. Uncomfortable.

Pretty much any word you can think of that is similar to “unpleasant” sums up these photos.

They all come to us courtesy of Unusual Images on Facebook. Thanks a lot….

1. What?!?!

Posted by Unusual Images on Monday, June 17, 2019

2. Totally normal

Posted by Unusual Images on Wednesday, June 19, 2019

3. Smoke ’em if you got ’em

Posted by Unusual Images on Friday, June 14, 2019

4. Awwwww

Posted by Unusual Images on Tuesday, June 11, 2019

5. Clearly a con man

Posted by Unusual Images on Saturday, June 8, 2019

6. Wow

Posted by Unusual Images on Tuesday, June 11, 2019

7. I’m next!

Posted by Unusual Images on Friday, June 7, 2019

8. Don’t go too far out

Posted by Unusual Images on Thursday, June 6, 2019

9. Absolutely disgusting

Posted by Unusual Images on Wednesday, June 5, 2019

10. Hello?

Posted by Unusual Images on Tuesday, June 4, 2019

11. That is kind of amazing

Posted by Unusual Images on Sunday, June 2, 2019

12. He is!

Posted by Unusual Images on Saturday, June 1, 2019

13. NO

Posted by Unusual Images on Wednesday, May 29, 2019

14. YES

Posted by Unusual Images on Friday, May 24, 2019

15. Whatever works

Posted by Unusual Images on Friday, May 24, 2019

Nightmare fuel, no doubt about that.

The post All of These Photos Are Going to Make You Very Uncomfortable appeared first on UberFacts.

Military Drill Sergeants Share the Funniest Things They’ve Seen Recruits Do

New recruits in the military really don’t know what they have coming, and these drill sergeants didn’t know what they were in for either.

Enjoy this look into the weird, wild, wonderfully crazy world of boot camp!

1. Vomit comet!

I was in the Navy, and we were undergoing inspection by the Division Officer.

He rolled in for inspection, walked up to the first dude, and the dude puked. However, this guy was a genius—he puked down his t-shirt and into his dress blues, saving the District Officer from getting puked on.

The Division Officer was so impressed at the dude’s “military bearing” that he called the inspection right then and there. 5.0 sailors, all around; the highest grade.

2. What’s good for the goose…

I had one recruit who was paying attention to a bunch of geese rather than his drill sergeants.

I was dying of laughter on the inside, but I made him get up and chase them all away.

As they flew in the air, we made him follow them for several hundred feet to make sure they wouldn’t come back!

3. Upsturs Downsturs

Standing in formation at Fort Knox, we were about to head to the range and everyone needed their gloves. One private came out without them and the drill sergeant screamed, “Private, where are your gloves?”

In a thick Tennessee accent, he replied, “Well dang, drill sergeant, I must have done left them upsturs.”

The drill sergeant, from New Jersey, just died laughing.

4. Full Moon

An RDC in another division asked a guy if he shaved that morning and the guy claimed he had.

The RDC said, “Recruit, you are either a werewolf or you are lying, so which is it?”

The guy responded, “I must be a werewolf, petty officer!”

5. “I’M STILL HERE!”

I was going through Air Force basic training. When on guard duty, if an unauthorized person wanted to be let into the bunks, you had to report it to your drill sergeant. Our sister flight’s drill sergeant came up while I was on guard and requested entry so I reported to my sergeant and he had me ask another a series of questions.

This particular sergeant had a bushy mustache, so one question I had to ask was, “In what year was Magnum PI canceled?” He dropped out of view from the window laughing, came back up and yelled: “It was never canceled because I’M STILL HERE!”

It took everything I had not to crack up. The military can be hilarious sometimes.

6. Oh crackers!

We weren’t allowed to talk during chow at the galley. You had to point at what you wanted another recruit to pass, and they had to silently pass it.

One recruit wanted a napkin and pointed. The other recruit asked, “This?”

The coast guard drill sergeant immediately came over, circling him like sharks, screaming at him. They made him put like, 10 saltines in his mouth and chew until his mouth was full, then ask the first recruit if he wanted a napkin again. He barely could get it out, spitting pieces of cracker everywhere.

Then they screamed at the first recruit to answer him, but we were all silently cracking up.

It was the best.

7. “Die, smile die!”

While in basic training, we had a female that loved to smile. She was just a happy person in general.

Well, my training instructor came in, and she caught the female trainee smiling. She walked up to the female trainee and yelled, “Wipe that smile off your face!” The female trainee stopped smiling. The training instructor continued to yell, “No! Literally wipe the smile off your face with your hand!”

The trainee did so. “Now throw it on the ground!” The trainee followed orders. “Now stomp on it and scream, ‘Die, smile die!’ As loud as you can!” The female trainee stood there for a second before following through.

Her tiny little voice cracked as she yelled: “Die, smile die!” It took everything I had not to bust out laughing.

8. He’s got a point…

In my basic training class, I was a squad leader, which is essentially just a person who does extra chores. Anyway, for reasons unknown, I and the other squad leaders were doing pushups in the drill sergeant’s office. Now, when you do these pushups, you eventually reach muscle failure so you just sort of hang out there in the front leaning for rest and trying to bust out another pushup every few seconds or so.

We were all in there dying and the drill sergeant said to one of my buddies: “Private Hudson! Tell me what’s the difference between basic training and being in prison.”

Without missing a beat, Private Hudson said: “Drill Sergeant! In prison, they get to watch TV!” The drill sergeant cracked a little bit of a smile and then told us to get up and get out of there.

9. Pocket full of tears…

I work at basic training ranges and we had a drill sergeant yell at his soldier while they were getting ready to go down a buddy live fire exercise. The soldier froze and started crying. This 18-year-old kid was just in tears for getting yelled at.

The drill sergeant yelled at him some more and he finally gave up because the kid wouldn’t stop crying. He made him scoop tears off his face and put them in his pockets till he filled his pockets up with tears. He did this for like an hour.

It was hilarious.

10. Sleepy time

When I was in basic training, I saw three drill sergeants surrounding a private who was laying down.

They were all screaming, “GO TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW PRIVATE, YOU TAKE A NAP THIS VERY SECOND YOU POOR TIRED SOUL!” (Not exact words, but you get the gist of it).

I still wonder how he got himself into that predicament.

11. A weird game of telephone…

On hikes, my DI’s loved having conversations using the recruits as messengers.

The DI at the end of the formation would send a recruit to the front to give the DI up there a message and back.

They would either have stupid conversations or talk trash using the recruit.

12. Pinecone probs

During Field Training Exercise, the DS told me to get a trash bag, then go around and collect as many pine cones as I could.

For like three hours. I had a bunch of trash bags.

He then took a little walk around, contemplated for a bit, then said that he was mistaken.

He ordered me to redistribute all the pinecones.

13. On further reflection…

When I was in boot camp, our drill instructor had a recruit sit in front of his own reflection and continually ask himself if he really wanted to be there… for three hours.

All while screaming at him to “mean it!”

I don’t know how they didn’t crack up. It was hilarious.

14. Spittle

“WHAT’S THAT DISGUSTING STUFF ALL OVER YOUR GLASSES, MAGGOT?!”

“I believe it’s your saliva, drill sergeant, sir!”

He closed his eyes and waited for death.

The post Military Drill Sergeants Share the Funniest Things They’ve Seen Recruits Do appeared first on UberFacts.

A Guy Compared Scraped Knees to Period Pain, Gets Obliterated

There are plenty of sympathetic men who do their best to put themselves in the shoes of the ladies in their lives, and who would never, ever trivialize the pain a woman feels once a month, every month, for decades.

And that’s not even mentioning childbirth.

Even less “woke” men are aware that dismissing period pain is off-limits – at least, if you want to stay in your wife or girlfriend’s good graces – which means it takes a special kind of insensitivity to try to convince all of Twitter that your skinned knees are as bad as the cramps your monthly visitor brings along in her suitcase.

But that’s exactly what @_sargee tweeted, accompanied by a soccer player (presumably not him) sliding on his knees on turf..

He had to know what he was in for, right? And he was looking to ruffle feathers or start a fight?

That’s my story, because I just don’t see how anyone could be this un-ironically obtuse.

Also…women athletes experience skinned knees all the time? And so does every child who plays outside in the summer?

I mean. Yeah. Boom.

Sorry not sorry.

It wasn’t just women blasting him, either.

Yeah, something like that.

Sarcasm warranted.

An undisputed fact.

And we can just leave this last little observation right here.

Please tweet responsibly, my friends. You don’t want to find yourself in the crosshairs.

The post A Guy Compared Scraped Knees to Period Pain, Gets Obliterated appeared first on UberFacts.

These Tweets About True Crime TV Make You Say, “Why Am I Like This?”

It’s a common thing among true crimes fans to think to themselves, “How did things get like this? Why am I so weird?”

I mean, there’s nothing inherently wrong with us. But we do have to question our motives when all we want to do is watch horrible, awful shit happen to other people during ANY media we consume. Television, books, podcasts… it doesn’t matter. It’s only entertaining if somebody is getting murdered.

So yeah, that’s fun! Enjoy these tweets, especially if you’re as obsessed with true crime as we are!

1. The struggle is real… and it’s right behind that door!!!

2. Chrissy knows what’s up…

3. “I am the best friend you’ll ever have!”

4. You goddamn dummies!

5. The story of my life…

6. Just lets the soap drip down into my eyes…

7. Literally the title of this post! Why?!?!

8. Those weird girls tho…

9. Poop McScoop, Detective

10. Rhyme time!

Wait! What’s behind you!

Gotcha…

The post These Tweets About True Crime TV Make You Say, “Why Am I Like This?” appeared first on UberFacts.