Category: Funny

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A Word to the Wise: Beware of Vampire Cats!

Halloween is a few weeks behind us, but there are still spooky creatures everywhere!

And one terrifying animal to keep on your radar is the frightening vampire cat. In fact, you may even have one of your own that is snoozing away on your couch at this very moment.

But don’t be fooled. These kitties are vicious and are the spawn of Dracula himself.

Enjoy…

1. Welcome to my lair.

2. Action shot.

3. A real bloodsucker.

4. Showing a little fang.

5. Do not even try to pet!

6. Lounging…but still dangerous.

7. Look at this specimen.

8. Cute…but don’t be fooled.

9. The jaws of death.

10. Can those choppers be real…?

Do you have any snapshots of your kitty cat looking like a bloodsucker?

Share them with us in the comments!

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Chinese and Japanese Speakers Share the Dumbest Things They’ve Seen Tattooed on Someone

Tell me if this sounds familiar…?

Have you ever met someone who thought they were being really deep and spiritual with a Chinese or Japanese character tattooed on their body, but then they later found out that symbol meant “beef with broccoli”?

Lol,

It actually happens all the time, my friends. And these AskRedddit users shared some really good ones.

1. Actually, that means…

“Saw a girl with 魚 tattooed on her shoulder who swore up and down it meant poison… It means fish.”

2. Do you lift, bro?

“I was on the subway in NYC and there was a guy who clearly lifted a lot. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt and on his jacked arms in chinese were the words “牛肉麵” or “Beef noodle soup” for everyone to see. Man looked ready to get the rest of his favorite restaurant’s menu tattooed on his body.”

3. That’s a bummer.

“He thought it said “Love my grandson”. It translated to something like “I love fat boys”. I think it was a google translate failure of epic proportions.”

4. Not your name.

“”Tiny chicken” my friend got that thinking it said his name.”

5. Major eye roll.

“Chinese speaker here. In high school I worked at a CVS. A white woman showed up at the register with a very poorly drawn 力 tattoo, and I said “cool tattoo, means power”. She scoffed and replied to me like I was satan himself, and said “you obviously don’t understand Chinese “letters” the tattoo artist told me it means the strength to overcome anything, even breast cancer…” then she rolled her eyes at me and walked away.”

6. You blew it!

“My friend got a tattoo that said “veni vidi vici” in chinese, well so he thought. The tattoo acutally said “three small dishes”.”

7. Strength and courage…maybe.

“I was scrolling through the web at some tattoos for fun,a person said they got a tattoo that said “Strength and courage” in japanese. It actually said “Little animal, big mistake.” Great quote imo, but I dont think they thought so after they got it permanently marked on their skin.”

8. Uh oh. That’s not good.

“Not my story but a friend of mine.

She had a classmate in college with a kanji tattoo, confused she asked her what it meant.

“High princess”

Turns out it actually said “pig princess”.”

9. Might want to get a cover-up.

“I once saw this middle aged dude wearing “金魚佬” on his shoulder (the rough literary translation is “Goldfish Man”), which in cantonese means a sleazy older man who creeps on younger girls/children. Basically a pedo. Wonder under what circumstances he got that inked…”

10. Lookin’ tough…oh wait…

“机 on his fist. I haven’t taken Chinese but in Japanese it means ‘desk’.”

11. The Fat Man.

“”Kitchen” – confused the kanji, what he wanted I have no idea. “Fat man” – he wanted “big guy” (tough guy?) apparently.”

12. Opposite day?

“Gets a tattoo in google translate Japanese thinking it says “fear no one” but it really means “I fear everyone”.”

13. That’s…me?

“I once had a roommate placed with me in the apartment our company ran for us here in Japan. He was loud, obnoxious, and I generally didn’t get on well with him. But, you try to get along, so we’d go to the izakaya up the street from time to time with other friends to drink and have a good time. The owners were this wonderful old Japanese couple who loved having all these weird gaijin come and entertain the locals.

Anyway, somehow we get talking about tattoos and the roommate is showing his off. He then says that he got the kanji for “friendship” (友) and “peace” (和) tattooed on his back and lifts his shirt to show everyone. There’s a bit of silence, broken by someone asking, “Who’s Tomokazu?”

What Roommate didn’t know, of course, was that those two kanji in that order was a man’s name.

He reacted well, though, taking a beat and then announcing, “I’M TOMOKAZU!” which became a running joke while he was there.”

14. Hahaha, that’s good.

“40+ year old bald white guy with Chinese characters that translated as “I’m a cute little princess” on the length of his forearm.

Had a good laugh the rest of that day.”

15. Didn’t have the heart to tell him…

“I met a guy in the air port when I came back from living in Tokyo for 2 years who had just visited Japan. He had 2 symbols on his shoulder I noticed that were “off”. I stopped him and asked him what his tattoo said. He said ” It means strong will bro.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him….. his two symbols he picked in order were “dog poop”.

If you find this online…. im truly sorry bro. Ha ha.”

The post Chinese and Japanese Speakers Share the Dumbest Things They’ve Seen Tattooed on Someone appeared first on UberFacts.

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20 Funny Insults That Only Really Work in German

German is a kind of an odd language. There are lots of vowels, and in order to speak it correctly, you kind of have to sound as angry as possible. Plus the words get really, really long.

It turns out, though, that their insults are surprisingly creative and funny.

So the next time you really want to let someone have it, try doing it in German!

20. I broke up with him because everyone knows he’s a “pleasure newt.”

A lustmolch is someone obsessed with sex, but it literally translates to “pleasure newt.”

19. Don’t hire that “driller of thin planks.”

If you refer to someone as a dunnbretthohrer, he’s someone who takes the laziest route possible, not the best.

18. Stop being such a “brain denier.”

In other words, use your smarts, gehirnverweigerer.

17. She’s a real “gossip aunt.”

Someone who likes to gossip and spread rumors is a tratschtante.

16. His daughter is a “little snot spoon.”

A rotzloffel is a brat.

15. What a “butt violin.”

An arschgeige is someone who doesn’t perform a task up to par.

14. That guy is nothing but a “butt with ears.”

A total, blithering idiot, otherwise known as an arsch mit ohren.

13. Eh, he’s such an “asparagus Tarzan.”

This one might be one of my favorites – spargeltarzan refers to someone tall and gangly.

12. He’s “someone who waves back at Teletubbies.”

Y’all, I cannot with this one, used to describe someone who just isn’t too bright – teletubbyzuruckwinker.

11. Did you see that “varnish monkey”?

A lackaffe is a man who dresses garishly in public (not that it’s anyone’s business).

10. Stop being a “banana bender.”

If you’re spinning your wheels engaging in a pointless task, someone in Germany might call you a bananenbieger.

9. She’s nothing but an “evolutionary brake.”

If someone is so dumb they’re threatening the evolution of all human life, they’re ripe to be called an evolutionsbremse.

8. You’re a “lump of puke.”

A simple kotzbrocken should do the trick if you’re short on time.

7. She was a bit of a “guzzling woodpecker” at the office Christmas party.

Someone who hits the bottle a bit too hard is a schluckspecht.

6. Hurry up, you “bag of whale blubber.”

If someone is driving like a grandma in front you during your commute, bust out a well-timed trantute.

5. An “ant tattooist.”

For all of the nit pickers in your life who obsess over tiny little details, you’ve got a new one – they’re an ameisentätowierer.

4. When push comes to shove, she’s a “trouser-pooper.”

A hosenscheisser is a coward of the worst order.

3. Instead of “full of hot air,” the Germans prefer to call someone a “hot air gun” or a “babble bag.”

Heissleuftgeblas or labertasche refers to someone who talks a lot about nothing.

2. Somebody is a “smelly boot” today.

I’m definitely going to start using stinkstiefel to refer to the grumps in my life.

1. Her face just invites a slap.

Ever meet someone who’s face just makes you want to slap them? Yes? Now you have a word for that – it’s backpfeifengesicht.

 

I honestly had no idea I could laugh this hard and something that originated in Germany.

I wonder if they make Germans laugh.

Probably not.

The post 20 Funny Insults That Only Really Work in German appeared first on UberFacts.

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Enjoy These Photos of Pets Wearing Sunglasses. That Is All.

I’m a simple man. I don’t ask for much in this life. Some shelter, some food, some water…and photos of animals wearing sunglasses.

Is that too much to ask for?

I have a feeling this might just make your day.

Let’s do this!

1. The coolest pooch around.

2. With a little assistance.

3. Livin’ her best life.

4. Rude with a ‘tude.

5. He’s killin’ it.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0QqjGJJI–/

6. Sitting pretty.

7. Ready for some fun in the sun.

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Happy Friday my furry friends!

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8. Totally ’80s.

9. A real fashion plate.

10. Hippie for life.

Don’t hold out on us! Share some pics of your beloved companions wearing sunglasses in the comments!

We need this to get through the day!

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In Honor of Movember, Here Are 15 Epic Moustaches

Each November, men all over the world grow moustaches for Movember, a nonprofit organization that raises awareness for men’s health issues such as testicular cancer, prostate cancer, and mental health.

Their goal: to stop men dying too young.

In honor of Movember, let’s take a look at some pretty impressive cookie dusters.

1. Solid and timeless.

2. Black and white action.

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Perfect moustache day •

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3. A young Bill Murray. Legend.

4. This fella is not messing around.

5. Kind of terrifying, TBH.

6. Damn right it’s epic.

7. A little Rollie Fingers action.

8. I want to meet this guy.

9. A sharp looking ‘stache.

10. This man is a legend.

Do you have a killer ‘stache that you want to show off?

Maybe you’re even growing one for Movember?

Share your pics in the comments!

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Put Your Own Face on Your Luggage and You’ll Never Lose It Again

You’ve tried everything – a red ribbon, brightly colored luggage, your name and address – but have you considering just screen-printing your mug right on your bags so you can easily spot them at the airport?

Probably not. But here’s the thing…absolutely no one will mistakenly pick up your bag if you do.

Travel + Leisure reports that a company called Firebox is offering a product they call Head Case, which isn’t quite a screen printed suitcase – rather, it’s a stretchy spandex cover that goes around your bag.

Like a boss.

The image is on both sides, the cover buckles in place, and there are holes for all of your handles – plus there are three sizes to choose from. Prices range from $26 to $39 apiece.

I mean really…what’s not to like?

And if you, like me, have realized that this product is ready made for pranking friends and family, listen up – they also print on pillows, air fresheners, and creepy masks.

Go hog wild, my friends. And I promise if you get those luggage covers you’ll make at least a few friends the next time you take an airplane or check into hotel.

I mean. Who could resist that face, right?

The post Put Your Own Face on Your Luggage and You’ll Never Lose It Again appeared first on UberFacts.

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Put Your Own Face on Your Luggage and You’ll Never Lose It Again

You’ve tried everything – a red ribbon, brightly colored luggage, your name and address – but have you considering just screen-printing your mug right on your bags so you can easily spot them at the airport?

Probably not. But here’s the thing…absolutely no one will mistakenly pick up your bag if you do.

Travel + Leisure reports that a company called Firebox is offering a product they call Head Case, which isn’t quite a screen printed suitcase – rather, it’s a stretchy spandex cover that goes around your bag.

Like a boss.

The image is on both sides, the cover buckles in place, and there are holes for all of your handles – plus there are three sizes to choose from. Prices range from $26 to $39 apiece.

I mean really…what’s not to like?

And if you, like me, have realized that this product is ready made for pranking friends and family, listen up – they also print on pillows, air fresheners, and creepy masks.

Go hog wild, my friends. And I promise if you get those luggage covers you’ll make at least a few friends the next time you take an airplane or check into hotel.

I mean. Who could resist that face, right?

The post Put Your Own Face on Your Luggage and You’ll Never Lose It Again appeared first on UberFacts.

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These Photos of Awkwardly Sitting Cats Should Put a Smile on Your Face

All of our cat friends out there are a never-ending source of laughs for us owners. And if you’ve had a feline companion for any significant amount of time, you know that they like to sit awkwardly sometimes.

Are they trying to mimic us humans? Or are they making some kind of other, independent statement?

We’ll never know, but at least we can snap photos of them and they’ll make us laugh!

1. Sitting like a lady…not really.

2. Hangin’ out and hangin’ loose.

3. Can I help you with something?

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#awkwardlysittingcats #dexterandhannah

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4. A little weirdo.

5. Oh my…

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Såhär kan man ju inte sitta.

A post shared by Niki Yrla ? (@nikiyrla) on

6. Don’t lean too far to the right.

7. Can I be a person now?

8. Care for some wine?

9. Taking it all in…

10. It’s been a long week. Time for some beer.

Funny stuff!

Share your pics of your cats sitting in weird positions!

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15 Funny Tweets About Horror Movies

Halloween’s come and gone, but I think all year is a good time for horror movies.

Even if you’re not a horror movie lover, you’ll probably think these tweets are on-point.

1. There is ALWAYS a scene like that.

2. Do a little dance.

3. That kid always gets it.

4. Oh no, not Chucky!

5. Maybe he just needs a good talk.

6. He’s slowing down.

7. Kinda blew it…

8. That’s what I need, too.

9. That is quite sad.

10. That way!

11. Don’t believe them.

12. He might be in big trouble.

13. On second thought…

14. No more of that.

15. Managed to ruin that one…

What are some of your favorite scary flicks?!?!

Share them with us in the comments.

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15 Hysterical Tweets from Women This Week

Ladies…are you ever gonna let up on the funny business?

I think we all know the answer to that one. It’s NO!

Absolutely not!

And here are 15 more examples of ladies bringing the house down.

1. That’s all I see, too.

2. Gonna be ugly this year.

3. That’s a pretty big bag.

4. I don’t think that’s gonna happen.

5. I feel you. BIG TIME.

6. Thank you?

7. A lot of Matts are causing problems out there.

8. Thanks a lot, parents.

9. Just go with it.

10. Gonna be an interesting Halloween.

11. This is hilarious.

12. On the offensive.

13. That person wins today.

14. I know I do.

15. We can all relate to this, right?

Ladies, keep on bringing that funny business to the masses!

Guys, let’s see if and when you can up your games!

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