Enjoy Old People Being Totally Hilarious on Facebook

Bless their hearts…these folks…

Some old people really enjoy interacting with people on social media…but sometimes they just can’t seem to get it right…

Their hearts are in the right place but…as you’re about to see, they kind of blow it.

Sorry, Grandma! But it’s the truth.

Here are some hilarious examples of old people not getting it right on Facebook.

Let’s take a look!

1. Sorry to hear that.

Well, at least it was heartfelt.

Photo Credit: Facebook

2. This one went way over her head.

Who the heck is Carol?

Photo Credit: Facebook

3. And the Lord is returning soon.

Just so you know…

Photo Credit: Facebook

4. “Was” a handsome man.

Sorry about that hiccup.

Photo Credit: Facebook

5. STD does not equal “Save the Date.”

Just for future reference.

Photo Credit: Facebook

6. I love this visual.

And congrats on the weight loss!

Photo Credit: Facebook

7. Thanks for the update.

You should be praying harder!

Photo Credit: Facebook

8. Way to air your dirty laundry online.

Don’t do that again, please.

Photo Credit: Facebook

9. What’s with these emojis?

Totally inappropriate! Sad!

Photo Credit: Facebook

10. Time to celebrate?

Seems a little off…

Photo Credit: Facebook

11. Just gave up in the middle.

Good thing they have the comments.

Photo Credit: Facebook

12. Again, the wrong emojis.

Is there a crash-course on emoji usage out there?

Photo Credit: Facebook

13. She’ll come over and clean for you!

You should take her up on it. That place is a pigsty.

Photo Credit: Facebook

14. Not sure about that one…

But maybe you’ll get some good feedback!

Photo Credit: Facebook

Those are hilarious!

Do you have any examples of old people acting really hilarious on Facebook?

If so, please share them with us in the comments!

We look forward to hearing from you!

The post Enjoy Old People Being Totally Hilarious on Facebook appeared first on UberFacts.

Great Dog Posts That Will Make You Love Our Furry Friends Even More!

I think we are so lucky as humans to be able to share our lives with these furry creatures that bring us so much joy every day.

In my eyes, they can do no wrong. EVER.

Do you feel the same way? I have a feeling that you do if you’re here about to look through these hilarious posts.

So what do you say? Are you ready to celebrate all things that celebrate dogs?

Then enjoy these funny posts!

1. Now you really messed up.

You’re making it worse!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

2. What did you just say?

You better run for it!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

3. The dog doesn’t look thrilled about it.

What did I get myself into?

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

4. DO NOT LOOK THERE.

Do you really think anyone is going to listen to that?

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

5. You don’t need an actual doorbell.

Trust us on this one.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

6. I wish my owner would just listen to me…

Why won’t they listen???

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

7. A very dramatic pooch.

Awwww, it’s gonna be okay!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

8. Why the heck did you just do that?

That was NOT COOL.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

9. A lot of lettuce language in there.

Not that I’m complaining!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

10. Just act normal!

Don’t freak out!

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

11. I don’t have the energy for this.

Wait, what does this one say?

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

12. I’m trying to be cool!

I don’t think it’s working…

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

13. Just trying to blend in.

Is it working?

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

14. I love this!

He’ll grow into those legs eventually.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

15. That would be AWFUL.

And that dog has an evil look on his face.

Photo Credit: pleated-jeans

Now we want to meet your furry life partners!

In the comments, share some pics of your dogs and tell us a little bit about them.

We can’t wait to meet these guys and gals!

The post Great Dog Posts That Will Make You Love Our Furry Friends Even More! appeared first on UberFacts.

People Talk About the Small Things That Ruin TV Shows and Movies for Them

You know you’ve been in this situation at some point…you’re watching a movie or a TV show, you’re enjoying it immensely, and then…you see something that totally ruins it for you.

Isn’t that annoying?

I hate it!

What strikes you as totally ridiculous when you watch a TV show or a movie?

This is what people on Twitter had to say.

1. Seems very light…

Is there anything in here?

2. Let’s back up.

Where the heck are we meeting?

3. Boy, that was lucky.

No one got hit!

4. So, what do you do?

I can hear perfectly in here!

5. That was quick.

Right down the hatch!

6. Not in pain anymore…

The magic of the movies.

7. No shortcuts?

Look it up, people!

8. Parking will not be a problem.

We all know that ain’t the truth.

9. Let’s keep it real.

Can we at least get that right?

10. Hahahaha. Always.

That’s not how it works.

11. Time to hang up.

No goodbye? Seems kind of rude…

12. Turn it off!

No need to watch further…

What things drive you crazy in movies and kind of ruin them for you?

Tell us in the comments!

We look forward to hearing from you!

The post People Talk About the Small Things That Ruin TV Shows and Movies for Them appeared first on UberFacts.

Old People Facebook Is the Gift That Keeps on Giving

Let me paint you a picture and you tell me if this sounds familiar.

You have an older relative or friend who likes to use Facebook…but they don’t seem to grasp it exactly.

Inappropriate comments, strange posts, weird photos. You name it, these old-timers have done it.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

And, by the way, it is totally hilarious!

Let’s take a look at what exactly we’re talking about.

Enjoy!

1. That last picture had to have been a mistake.

Right? It had to be?

Photo Credit: Facebook

2. Good job, Carl!

That darn cat! He loves those things!

Photo Credit: Facebook

3. You bet it does.

And now we all know.

Photo Credit: Facebook

4. We all needed to know this.

And we thank you for letting us know.

Photo Credit: Facebook

5. I don’t know. You tell me.

Any feedback on this one?

Photo Credit: Facebook

6. Well, bye…

I wonder if they ever got that microwave…

Photo Credit: Facebook

7. Patty, are you listening? 

I sure hope she is.

Photo Credit: Facebook

8. Wow. Getting kind of intense.

Who did it?!?!

Photo Credit: Facebook

9. What’s with the cake?

Doesn’t seem like a time to celebrate…

Photo Credit: Facebook

10. That would not be good.

Keep that WiFi out of my body!

Photo Credit: Facebook

11. This is amazing.

Just let the whole thing soak in…

Photo Credit: Facebook

12. Amy. Call me.

We have a lot to talk about.

Photo Credit: Facebook

Those really are the gifts that keep on giving, aren’t they?

Darn right they are!

Now we want to hear from you!

Share some of your own funny old people Facebook moments with us in the comments!

The post Old People Facebook Is the Gift That Keeps on Giving appeared first on UberFacts.

Funny Memes About Being a Hot Mess

To each their own…right?

I’m specifically referring to how some people live in dirty houses and apartments. I can’t hang with that personally, but I know plenty of my friends who live like that and I just really don’t know how they do it.

It would drive me insane to constantly have dirty dishes and dust and general uncleanliness in my house.

Yuck!

But some people don’t seem to be bothered by it…and who am I to judge?

If you’re a self-described “hot mess”, these memes are for YOU!

1. Not the same story.

Not even close!

Photo Credit: The Chive

2. There’s a ghost in this room.

And it’s haunting my dreams.

Photo Credit: The Chive

3. It takes a while…

What can you say?

Photo Credit: The Chive

4. The ultimate junk drawer.

Do you have one of these in your house?

Photo Credit: The Chive

5. But you totally do!

Good job, guys!

Photo Credit: The Chive

6. I’d say it’s time to rent a dumpster.

But that’s just my two cents.

Photo Credit: The Chive

7. Uh oh, better get moving!

You don’t want them to see how you really live, do you?

Photo Credit: The Chive

8. Does this describe you?

I feel like I know a lot of people like this…

Photo Credit: The Chive

9. I have no idea.

But it’s totally exhausting.

Photo Credit: The Chive

10. The dirty dishes in the tub!

This guy is a genius!

Photo Credit: The Chive

11. What the heck happened here?

This is not good.

Photo Credit: The Chive

12. Yeah, you are!

Might as well embrace it at this point.

Photo Credit: The Chive

13. A total disaster area.

I’ve seen this kind of wreckage before.

Photo Credit: The Chive

14. As far as the eye could see…

It wasn’t a pretty picture.

Photo Credit: The Chive

How about you?

Are you a bit of a hot mess?

Maybe you don’t exactly have your act together?

Tell us all about it in the comments, please!

The post Funny Memes About Being a Hot Mess appeared first on UberFacts.

Funny Tweets About the Various Stages of Quarantine We’ve Had to Deal With

We’re in the middle of a global nightmare and it has been anything but funny.

BUT, as we like to do, we want to make you laugh to forget how horrible everything in the world is right now.

And that’s exactly what we’re gonna do for you right now!

So take a load off, kick your feet up, forget about what’s going on outside your front door, and laugh at some hilarious tweets about how messed up the world is right now.

Let’s go!

1. I’m right there with you.

Hey, there’s no shame in it!

2. Things are looking bleak…

Just hang in there, okay?

3. You do you.

Hey, it might look kinda cool. You never know.

4. Oh, boy…this is not good.

Go easy on that counter top!

5. I don’t think you’re alone on this one…

Is it working, though?

6. Time for a road trip?

You might as well…there’s nothing else to do…

7. Wow…sounds intense…

And how do I get in on it?

8. Is it a Cocker Spaniel?

I’ve always thought that was a good look.

9. Isolation is making you petty.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

10. Just dump it onto my plate.

No point in the formalities anymore…

11. We are all this child right now.

She seems very wise to me.

12. Do what you have to…

You need to pass the time somehow…

13. Things are getting spicy.

In the kitchen, that is…

Now we want to hear from all of you!

How is your quarantine going?

Talk to us in the comments and give us an update!

The post Funny Tweets About the Various Stages of Quarantine We’ve Had to Deal With appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Most Ridiculous Ways They’ve Ever Been Injured

I broke my hand once…punching my brother in the head.

Idiot!

I know, I know…I was young and we were fighting and I shouldn’t have done it but, you live and you learn, right? And then I was in a cast for six weeks…

Oops!

Let’s hear from folks on AskReddit who admitted the dumbest ways they’ve ever been injured.

1. Ouch!

“My brother had a turtle. He would take it out of its pen from time to time and let it roam the yard. I watched it chomp on some grass.

I picked it up and was feeding it grass, amazed at how clean it chopped the grass. So I stuck my finger in its mouth.

Turn out it hurts really bad. I didn’t want to hurt the guy so I had to suffer through it until he let go. He pulled his head into his shell so I couldn’t pull my finger out.

Finally he let go.

Long story short don’t stick your fingies where you wouldn’t stick your dingie.”

2. That sounds painful.

“I closed the trunk door of my car on my nose.

Still wondering how i managed to do that…”

3. A memorable first kiss.

“I once kissed a reflection of myself on the outside of a metal toaster while in use, and seriously burned my lips.

Technically my first kiss…”

4. Yowza!

“I put on a Tigger costume when I was little and thought I could bounce on his tail jumped off my dresser & broke my tailbone.”

5. Pyromania.

“Powdered Draino, shredded aluminum foil, rubbing alcohol, and a match.

Set my 12-year-old head on fire.”

6. That’s embarrassing.

“A few years ago I woke up, when to the bathroom, and was wiping my *ss when I pull my neck. Still not sure how but it happened I just felt the pull and had an enormous pain.

Went to the doctor who gave me anti-inflammatory injections and had to use a collar for a week and I used to tell people I fell.”

7. A bad idea.

“When I was like 10 years, I found a box cutter in a drawer and wanted to see how sharp it was. I decided the best way to do that was to cut across the palm of my hand.

It was sharp… I don’t remember how painful it was but I remember staring at my hand for a few seconds before the blood started to pour out.”

8. Don’t mess around with those.

“I had never seen a lacrosse ball. Didn’t realize It was so bouncy and heavy.

Threw it at the ground at my feet. It bounced up and hit me right in the nostrils.

Blood everywhere and a new found respect for the bouncy ball of death.”

9. Ugh. Brutal.

“Getting ran over by a thousand pounds of water jugs on a pallet while working a couple years ago.

It took my toe nail off but didn’t break the bone.”

10. Don’t get into bar fights.

“Got into a bar fight because a friend of a friend called someone else “gay” in an argument over the jukebox, then ended up getting hit with the pool cue they’d taken from the friend.

Had to be told later why I’d been suckered, and that one of the guys had flashed a pistol. Ended up getting a girlfriend out of it, but then we broke up and she had some other guy’s kid.

Ten years later we hooked up again, and I married her and now I’m divorced, so really the whole story is just bad from start to end.”

11. I am so sorry.

“Was sitting on the floor hammering a nail into something, lost grip then the hammer bounced out of my hand and landed on my d*ck.”

12. Sneezing can be dangerous.

“Sneezed so hard that something between my shoulder and neck popped.

Couldn’t turn my head properly for 2 weeks because of the sharp pain, as if someone stuck a giant needle in there and pushed really hard.”

13. The foam pit of death.

“I was at a trampoline park in Arkansas and was 3 months before my 14th birthday.

I tried to do a backflip into the foam pit and nearly killed myself.

My back still hurts now, 6 years later.”

14. Hahahaha. Wow.

“I threw my back out and had to use a cane for two weeks because I was clipping my toenails.”

15. You are NOT Bruce Lee.

“Swinging nunchucks too fast.

Busted my face wide open at 1 am.”

16. Life imitating art.

“When I was in high school I saw A Christmas story for the first time. In the scene the boy gets his tongue stuck to a metal pole out in the snow. I didn’t know that was a real thing so I wanted to test it out for myself.

I put a spoon in the freezer and then when it was frozen stuck my tongue on it. Hurt like a b*tch getting it off.”

Ouch!

Now we want to hear from you!

In the comments, tell us about the dumbest way you’ve ever injured yourself.

We can’t wait to hear your stories!

The post People Share the Most Ridiculous Ways They’ve Ever Been Injured appeared first on UberFacts.

If Stores Sold Superpowers, What Would You Be Able to Buy From the Discount Bin?

Superheroes need to shop in the discount bin, too, sometimes…

It can’t all be flying, super strength, and the ability to disappear, right?

Folks were presented with this unusual question:

“If Stores Sold Superpowers, What Could You Buy From the Discount Bin?”

Here’s what AskReddit users had to say about this.

1. Wouldn’t that be something?

“Discount huh?

I’m imagining this amazing superpower that used to be super cool but is now hardly sold anymore.

“Automatically unscratch the surface of any old dvd or cd you touch” – Now with free set of dvds!”

2. A lot of people would like this.

“Grow your hair as fast as you want.

“Hmm time for a haircut. Might as well get my money’s worth”

Grows hair a mile long.”

3. Where am I now?

“You can teleport anywhere but it’s randomized.

99.9999999999% chance of death if you include the universe.

Hell, even on earth you could end up in the sky, underground or underwater.”

4. Might come in handy…

“Chill a beer by holding it.

No other freezing or cooling related powers.

And it only works on beer.”

5. Use it wisely.

“Heat vision, but it only gets hot enough to warm up your coffee.

Could get a job as a barista.”

6. This is HUGE.

“The ability to automatically agree on where to eat with my spouse.”

7. It is what it is.

“Invisibility but every meter of movement makes you fart.

This is an added bonus! Go invisible, run through a crowd, and watch the hilarity!”

8. A lot of thought went into this.

“Being able to float 1 inch but you can’t move around, not needing a remote to change the volume(just the volume, you still need it for everything else).

Turning your finger into a tiny vacuum to clean small crevices, being able to tell what someone’s emotion is but you don’t know why, good reflexes, Bluetooth connection to your phone so you can hear the music but no one else can and you don’t need headphones.”

9. Couch Woman!

“The amazing ability to turn into a couch!”

10. Useless!

“Walk through walls but fall through floors/ground when you do.

Run really fast but you get tired over a normal distance.

Turn into any animal you want, but permanently.”

11. Interested in any of these?

“You can turn invisible but you won’t be able to see anything either

You can run super fast but you slowly burn (friction)

You can fly but the g-force and lack of oxygen always catchup to you

You can teleport but every time you do so a little bit of your body is left behind.”

12. What the?!?!

“Telekinesis.

But it’s limited to 3 pounds and the object hovers a half inch above your palm.”

13. This is gonna get weird.

“The ability to elongate one part of your body, but you can’t choose which part.

Say hello to One Tube-shaped Eyeball Man!”

14. All this good stuff.

“10% invisibility, you are just slightly transparent

mood ring, your skin changes color based on your mood

ant command, the power to have a single ant do your bidding

superhyerpercondria, detect every microorganism on every surface all the time

fartparade, instead of being invisible, your farts come out as brightly colored gasses

allergy medusa, anyone who looks at you will sneeze uncontrollably as long as they can see you

midas’ pudding, every liquid you touch gets transformed into banana pudding

sandwhichsense, know exactly when and what kind of sandwich someone has most recently eaten

cat facts, infinite knowledge about the universe, but only topics about cats

megaphone, your voice is permanently as loud as a jet engine.”

How would you answer this question?

Tell us in the comments!

We look forward to hearing from you!

The post If Stores Sold Superpowers, What Would You Be Able to Buy From the Discount Bin? appeared first on UberFacts.

People Talk About the Longest They’ve Gone Without Knowing a Person’s Name

Hey! Tony! Timmy! Terry?

Oh…your name is Bob? Sorry…I wasn’t even close.

Have you ever had an experience where you didn’t know a person’s name so you basically had to “fake it until you make it”, so to speak? It’s funny but it’s also totally embarrassing if you get called out on it.

Here’s what AskReddit users had to say about their own experiences.

1. A cultural thing.

“19 years.

19 whole years and I’ve just realized I don’t know my grandmother’s name.

Or any of my grandparents names for that matter.

Everyone calls them by they’re Thai/Laos term for grandmother.”

2. Two whole years.

“2 years is the longest so far.

I used to be a club promoter and I had a guy that bought tickets from me for every event he went to.

He told me his name when I first met him but I forgot it soon after he told me, meeting lots of people makes it hard to remember names, especially when I don’t even know if I’ll ever see them again so what’s the point of remembering everyone’s names?

After a certain point I saw him out partying often enough but it was past the point where I could ask him his name without it being awkward. I had him saved in my phone as Sir Prince Albert since he told me about his piercing so that I’d know who was texting me if we ever texted each other, but I didn’t think to add his name since I wasn’t sure what it was so that was no help.

Eventually we ended up at a party together and some people walked in and asked “hey have you seen phil?”

After not remembering meeting anyone that night named Phil I said no I don’t think there’s a Phil here. Then that guy who’s name I couldn’t remember came up and joined the group and said “I’m right here! Don’t worry Screechypete, these guys are cool I invited them!”

At that moment I finally found out his name and I played it off as “oh ok well if they are your friends then I guess it’s cool if they stay.” and just went with it.”

3. Neighbors.

“I moved into my condo in 2011 and I introduced myself to my one neighbor next door to me but instantly forgot his name.

We would see each other in passing for years and I would always just say hi and the casual conversation. I met my wife in 2018 from a long distance relationship and when she finally moved in with me there was the awkward moment when I introduced her to him.

I said this is my fiance (x) and we’re getting married next month, he said congratulations and nice to meet you, then walked away. She asked me what his name was and I said I have no f*cking clue.

Later that day she said his name is Brad and I was like “oh, he looks like a Brad” and she said he had no f*cking clue what my name was either so no big deal.”

4. That’s weird. And hilarious.

“I work in a pharmacy.

A young woman, say late teens early twenties, came up and asked to pick up her grandmother’s prescription. I said no problem. What’s her name?

She looked at me with a blank face, asked me to hold on and called her family.”

5. Pub pals.

“Most likely over a decade.

I’m in the UK and I’ve got to know many a bar acquaintance down my local pub.

Over time you get to know about their work, hobbies, likes and dislikes.

You get to know how many kids they have, how many times they have been married etc etc.

Then a friend from out of town visits you. And as you do in the UK, you go to the pub. Lo and behold your pub acquaintance is there and you introduce your pal from out of town only to realise you know everything about your pub pal – everything except their bloody name.”

6. You’re confusing me!

“A whole school year I knew their names I just didn’t know which twin was which and they weren’t identical.”

7. At least he has a nickname.

“I work at record store, there’s a guy who’s been coming in weekly for the entire 11 years I’ve worked there.

We just call him sweaty Polish guy.”

8. Give it some more time.

“I’ve lived in my townhouse for almost 5 years now, and I don’t know the name of the guy who lives directly across from me. I have pretty regular interactions with most of my neighbors, but I’ve never talked with this one guy beyond just exchanging pleasantries while passing each other.

When I moved in and first met him, I immediately forgot his name. I was almost positive he said it was Mike, so I went about 4 years just assuming that was probably his name, but not quite confident enough to actually call him Mike.

Then a few months ago I was talking to some other neighbors in the parking lot when he walked by, and my other neighbors called out “Hey [name that is not Mike]!” So it was confirmed that this guy’s name is NOT, in fact, Mike, and I was relieved I hadn’t been calling him that for the past 5 years.

But I immediately forgot again what his name actually is, so now all I know is that it is something other than Mike.

Myabe I’ll learn his name by the time I’ve lived here 10 years.”

9. Neither of you knows.

“I have no idea what the neighbor to my rear’s name is. We introduced ourselves when I moved in 2.5 years ago, but I think we both promptly forgot.

I sometimes talk to him for upwards of an hour and we never say each other’s names. Same thing as you happened.

A couple weeks ago we were talking and someone said “Hey, [neighbor dude]!” as they walked by. It was gone from my memory in seconds.”

10. Awkward!

“A whole date.

Someone fixed us up but my dude never told me her name, just the address she wanted me to pick her up.

I didn’t have guts to ask her name between the date.”

11. I know the dog’s name, but…

“Dog park people.

We see each other and talk almost every day but they’re always ‘dog’s name mum/dad’

I’m sure at some point their name come up, but I just keep forgetting.”

12. Hahahaha.

“My next door neighbor introduced himself when he moved in. I promptly forgot his name. I danced around it for that same 5 years. He was from a French speaking part of Canada, so when talking with my wife, he was “French guy next door”

5 years after first meeting, he admits in a conversation that he’d forgotten my name. We have a good laugh and reintroduce ourselves.

His name was Guy. I had it right the whole time, he was French Guy next door.”

13. The office.

“10 years, the people from my office but from different division.

They seem to know me and often call me out when I passed by, but I don’t know their names and at this point it seems awkward to ask them.”

14. Call me Darren.

My name is apparently Darren to this nice couple who own a restaurant in my town.

My name is not Darren, I’ve known them for 2 years. We’re even facebook friends, they can literally see and read my name, but it’s cool.

I always wanted to try being a Darren.”

Okay, now it’s your turn!

In the comments, tell us the longest you’ve gone without knowing someone’s name.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post People Talk About the Longest They’ve Gone Without Knowing a Person’s Name appeared first on UberFacts.

People Talk About How They’d Create a New Alarm Clock Called “The Rude Awakening”

Waking up is much more difficult for some people than it is for others.

I’m usually able to pop right up in the morning when my alarm goes off, but my brother? Oh, my poor brother…

That snooze button can be heard blasting for hours on end…and it is not a pretty picture.

But what if there was a new alarm called “The Rude Awakening” that REALLY did the job of waking people up? What would it consist of and how would it work?

Here are the bright ideas that AskReddit users came up with.

1. That should do the trick.

“It pees the bed and then sends out a blast email/text/tweet telling everyone that you peed the bed.”

2. I like this idea!

“It rolls off the base while making that horrific noise Jim Carrey screamed in Dumb and Dumber while in the dog car.

It keeps getting louder and doesn’t stop until you put it back on the base.”

3. Alert! Alert!

“Nuclear alert sound at full volume.

I actually set this as my alarm. For one day. It’s such a violent sound (hence why it’s used) that it scared the sh*t out of me and I never used it again.

Bonus points for combining it with an invention a friend of mine used to have. The alarm clock would shoot off a little fan which would fly some random place in the room and the alarm wouldn’t turn off until you found the piece and put it back.

So that with the nuclear alarm sound.”

4. That’ll get you going.

“It reads a list of everyone that’s died since you fell asleep, their manner of death, and what you could have done to prevent it.

• Ronald Resiman – 89 – Nothing

• Geraldine Brown – 94 – Nothing

• Sammie Johnson – 96 – Coulda found a cure for cancer

• Brad LaMonte – 91 – Nothing”

5. Yes!

“It gives you wrestling legend Rick Rude’s finisher the “Rude Awakening”……

I feel like this was a no brainer.”

6. Sounds terrible.

“Reads the president’s tweets in Gilbert Gottfried’s voice.”

7. It just might work…

“It monitors your sleep cycle, in order to wake you up at the worst possible moment, using loud sirens, strobe lights and violently rocking your bed.

And if you haven’t jumped out of your bed within 3 seconds, random splashes of ice water and electric shocks will be added to the experience.”

8. Oh, no!

“It’s a George Foreman grill that heats up then clamps onto your bare feet.”

9. Terrifying.

“It gently massages a lightly moistened finger into your earhole, while playing the Jaws theme with ramping volume.”

10. A million-dollar idea.

“Goat screaming to the tune of the national anthem of USA.

And then VERY, VERY loud poop/fart noises.”

11. It’ll scare you right out of bed.

“It generates a current of air on your face and says, “I like what you did with your hair.”

You live alone.”

12. What’s happening…?

“It says random things just loud enough to be heard.

“You were right about that mole, look at it again…”

“But what is the cause of that ice-pick headache you keep getting?”

“There are about 100 feet of pressurized water pipes in your walls, and any one of them, if not multiples of them could be leaking and you have no way of knowing, and knowing that insurance will deny a water damage claim if the leak is more than 10 days old.””

13. Puke city.

“It makes pet retching sounds loud enough to wake you from the deepest slumber.

Once you’ve heard your cat/dog about to toss it on your bed/carpet, there’s no getting back to sleep.”

14. Think it would work?

“Plays a jump-scare to get your attention, then attacks your insecurities.

Hahaha, look at that high-waisted man. He has feminine hips.”

15. I got it!

“Easy. It reminds you of all your failures as you fail to even turn it off.

It’ll ask you division problems. Before you even answer, it will say, “You dumb sleepy piece of trash. You don’t know this. You don’t know anything.”

I’ll call it the “Self Hatred” setting.

The next will be a sorrowful one. It plays depressing music and wakes you up with sobbing. Every 5 minutes it will cry out, “WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME?!” Until you soothingly stroke its snooze button for another 5 minutes.

I’ll call that one the “Sad Sobbing Drunk at 3 am” setting.

I’m gonna stop there. I made myself sad.”

How about you?

What ideas would you come up with for “The Rude Awakening”?

Tell us what you think in the comments!

The post People Talk About How They’d Create a New Alarm Clock Called “The Rude Awakening” appeared first on UberFacts.