Category: Funny

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People Admit the Little White Lies They Tell Their Customers

It’s no secret that any job that requires you to deal with customers on a regular basis can be a bit of a nightmare, especially if they’re particularly unforgiving.

How do we get around this? I mean, we all gotta eat which means we all gotta get paid which means we all gotta work. How can we keep our jobs, make our money AND keep our sanity?

The answer, as often as not, is just to lie about stuff. Not huge stuff. Just stuff. Stuff that might change a perspective or two. Stuff like this:

Turns out, this person wasn’t alone. In the replies were lots of tales of similar subterfuge that the denizens of Twitter had used to survive their 9 to 5s. Let’s dig deeper, shall we?

10. Corporate says

Darn that corporate. They ruined the corporation!

9. Follow the script

This one almost gives me a headache to think about.

8. Going on holiday

Man that is quite a hangover.

7. First day?

It might not always work.

6. Trust me

Guess it all depends on the situation.

5. Spirits appear!

Ok, this is pretty hilarious.

4. It’s all on them!

Kitchen probably doesn’t care, either.

3. Thanks for the tip!

You might just make money this way.

2. Life-saving techniques

Smart! Although honestly, if your work is being robbed, just give them what they want.
That’s what insurance is for and it’s never worth your life.

1. The golden rule

Good? I guess?

If you’re gonna survive in this working world, you might just have to let slip a few white lies.

Have you ever tried anything like this?

Tell us in the comments.

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Design Fails So Big They’re Kind of Impressive

When I was in college, I took some graphic design courses that helped us learn the basics of various Adobe programs, most of which aren’t in use anymore and the ones that are are so different that the class might as well have happened on Mars.

All that to say, I’m familiar with the ideas of design, but I wouldn’t exactly call myself good at them, so I can’t throw stones at bad art.

What I *can* do, however, is throw laughter at them. Which is what I’m gonna get at for the next little while thanks to these amazing design fails via Reddit.

10. There’s no place like it!

Also it’s no place!

neV york from CrappyDesign

9. A bad fit

“So like, two puzzle pieces, one with coffee and the other with a donut.”
“Got it, I am definitely a reasonable person and you do not need to be more specific.”

they just don’t go together from CrappyDesign

8. Welcome, hoe

When  you just need a little judgement as you return to your abode.

Not the most welcoming door mat from CrappyDesign

7. It’s in the text

There are so many things wrong with this. At least it has the excuse of being done by a high schooler.

A very easy to read graph about texting while driving? Found in my high school yearbook from CrappyDesign

6. Travel the world!

Yanno, it’s one of those places with a building or whatever.

Got this as a gift and honestly I don’t want to throw it away just because it’s terribly funny from CrappyDesign

5. The smear

I see what you were going for, but no. No thank you.

(unintentionally gross) marble looking keyboard from CrappyDesign

4. Get some

To be fair, maybe the whole point was to make you do a double take and look closer?

Don’t have hep c? Get some! from CrappyDesign

3. Una Polo

Thought maybe this was somebody telling me to be a chicken in Spanish.

Be… what? from CrappyDesign

2. The best bite

What is wrong with you?

I don’t think you are supposed to eat it like that from CrappyDesign

1. LLVE

We are REALLY having trouble squeezing love into place names, huh?

If only Louisiana looked like a letter of the alphabet. from CrappyDesign

Fails so glorious they really belong in a museum.

What’s been your biggest fail lately?

Tell us in the comments.

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People Talk About How to Prank Scientists With Time Travel

We’re gonna do a little thought experiment that will probably make you stare blankly at the wall while your mind races for an hour like it did to me.

Or at least I hope it does.

God bless Reddit for bringing us all prompts like these:

You can go back 100,000 years to a cave that will be discovered by archeologists, what do you write on the wall to mess with them? from AskReddit

Time travel pranks. Gotta love it. Let’s delve in, shall we?

1. Testing

“Test post please ignore”

– Eldrake

2. Ritualistic

Am an archaeologist and can safely say, “No, it’s not ‘ritual’” scrawled on the wall will fuck with us forever.

– TheMinisterTurtle

3. Oops

“Turns out time travel only works once per timeline. Sorry Guys.”

– Commissar_Genki

4. They will come…

This planet shall be our second home.

– Acharya007

5. Man to man

My regards to Steven Hawking.

Tell him sorry I couldn’t make it to his party.

– Sipyloidea

6. They’ve responded

The pulsar map that we included on voyager.

– A**munchStarpuncher

7. Betas

Hi devs, I found a bug within our simulation.

I was somehow transported back 100k years without any of my items but I still have my abilities.

If I could be transported back by tomorrow that’d be great, thank you!

– _Puddingmonster

8. The shadow

They have taken the bridge and the Second Hall.

We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long.

The ground shakes…drums, drums in the deep. We cannot get out.

The shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out.

They are coming.

– notmyrealfarkhandle

9. Memes

Aliens.

With a crude portrait of Giorgio Tsoukalos

– _Ekename_

10. Walkers

I’d def put footprints on the ceiling

– haphazzard66

11. Remember me?

Remember me Michael?

Remember telling me that my time machine would never actually work?

Guess what, f**k you and your “rules of space time”

– Walunt

12. Do NOT

Do not the ca

– electricaldogbus

13. Confusion

I bet you’re confused right now.

– Upset_Anything2628

14. Curse you

what I’d do is find out who was in the team and when they were born (before I left).

Then, once I got there, I’d put their names and birth dates on the cave wall, and I’d then put the same date (let’s say 9/9/21) and then I’d write “the curse is true. Your days are numbered.”

– kingkong139

15. The coma copypasta

IF YOU’RE READING THIS, YOU’VE BEEN IN A COMA FOR ALMOST 20 YEARS NOW.

WE’RE TRYING A NEW TECHNIQUE.

WE DON’T KNOW WHERE THIS MESSAGE WILL END UP IN YOUR DREAM, BUT WE HOPE WE’RE GETTING THROUGH.

– A_man_on_a_boat

16. Intergalactic commerce

If leave a bunch of fake records of transactions with an alien species.

Write up a fake history of alien contact.

And then make up a story recording fake history of a conflict between an alien civilization and advanced humans

– IceColdAardvark

17. Question answered

A picture of a chicken laying an egg and a big #1

– MoreCommonCents

18. Wise words

Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea: “He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of Aaaargh

– tcjaeger

19. Welcome

You may be wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today

– moeron9

20. The cool S

You know that “S” that everyone seems to remember writing in their notebooks in elementary school? That

– ghostfoxthefirst

21. Programming

printf(“hello world”);

– young_fire

22. Simulation theory

In big bold letters “SIMULATION #54286”. – asimgeker

23. Ads

There are hot milfs in your area.

– Stalin6989

24. A warning

Leave by 2022.

They do not come in peace.

– MageManatee

25. It’s true!

Draw the earth as flat, you will convince 1% of the idiots of the future

– CisWhiteEarthworm

26. It me

I would write my own name, date of birth, place of birth, and anything else generic that would identity my present self.

This isn’t really messing with them, but it could make my life a whole lot more interesting, that’s for sure.

– TinnieTa21

27. The return

“In 100,000 years they will return. Beware.”

– wws4990acct

28. Futurama

Dear Fry,

Our time together was short, but it was the best time of my life.

-Leela

– VapidHooker

29. Meta

The URL to this thread.

– redguy989

30. NOT AGAIN!

This cave painting was brought to you by raid shadow legends

– that_sweet_old_lady

I think I’d probably write something like “all the religions are wrong” and see what happens.

But what might YOU write?

Tell us your time pranks in the comments.

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Things That Every Midwesterner Knows to Be True

If you’re from the midwest like me, then there are certain things you just know in your heart.

One thing you definitely DON’T know, though, is where exactly the midwest even is. I mean, where you’re from is part of it, for sure, but the term is kind of slippery.

It’s not like “West Coast,” where there’s a clear criteria test. Does your state touch the Pacific Ocean? Yes? Then it’s part of the West Coast. But “mid” west?

It’s a point of contention according to everyone with whom I’ve ever broached the subject. For the record, the federal government apparently considers the following states to be the “official” midwest: Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, and Wisconsin.

It’s a big club. And we all know what’s up. This Twitter account certainly does.

10. The window clean

I could stand out here freezing my fingers off for another hour and be late to work or I could just get in my warm car and risk it all.

9. The wind

It’s really the only thing that matters.

8. The culture

In Missouri you need to replace that last picture with a QuikTrip.

7. The time

Would ya just look at it?

6. The snacks

The last one is called “puppy chow.”
I don’t know why, I wish it weren’t true, but that’s how it goes.

5. The cows

If you drive by cows and don’t say the word “cows” then I’m going to have to assume you’re physically incapable of speech.

4. The summer 60

It really is the perfect temperature.

3. The scream

And in that moment you question everything that has brought you here.

2. The wiper trick

It helps a little?

1. The “salads”

Somehow they have more calories than the burger.

Ope, looks like it’s about that time!

What’s the most midwestern thing you’ve ever done?

Tell us in the comments.

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Learn About Tricks Employees Use in Dealing with Customers

I once worked at a country club with some wealthy members.

The official unofficial policy of the club was “you never tell a member no.” Which meant that whatever a member might request, you just told them you were on it and got to work.

Problem was, a lot of the time I either had no idea how to fulfill their particular request or knew for a fact that it couldn’t happen. But since I wasn’t allowed to just tell them that, my main strategy involved hurrying off to “take care of it” and then just kind of wandering around until I could find someone else to pass it off to.

It wasn’t good. That job wasn’t good.

But I’m not alone in finding these work-arounds.

The OP here wasn’t alone either. Because the tweet replies came flooding in.

10. Check in the back

The back is not some magical place, I don’t know what customers think goes on there.

9. It didn’t meet our standards

And we’re ALL about standards.

8. I AM the supervisor

I can be anything I set my mind to.

7. I’m still learning English

That’s a clever one.

6. Sorry, can’t help ya

Shouldn’t they have been trained?

5. I’ve just started

Sometimes, it’s official policy.

4. Keep the training sticker

Don’t ask me, find someone else.

3. The new girl

Not just a show.

2. It’s my birthday

It’s perfect until you start to get regulars.

1. Blessings be upon you

Now that’s a grift.

Maybe use some of those tips in your own life? Couldn’t hurt.

What white lies have you told at work?

Tell us in the comments.

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What’s the Worst Example of Brown-Nosing You’ve Seen In Your Life?

Is there anything worse at work or school than a huge brown-noser?

It’s enough to drive me (and you too, hopefully) up the wall!

But, as you already know, these types of folks are lurking around everywhere…and I think we should all do our best to avoid them as much as possible.

So, what’s the worst example of brown-nosing you’ve ever seen.

AskReddit users shared their stories.

1. Trying to prove himself.

“The worst was a guy I worked with at my last job doing HVAC…because the boss was going to get a full report on whatever crew he worked with that day.

If you said something negative about the boss, he was going to tell. If you were a minute or two late coming back from lunch, he had a pic on his phone with the time stamp. If you didn’t hang something perfectly level or straight, he’d toss a level on it, snap a pic, send it to the boss. He also came in every Sunday and washed all the trucks (with no pay) to make sure we kept a good image,

Found out eventually it had nothing to do with the job…he was just dating the boss’s daughter and he was trying to “prove” himself.”

2. What a jerk.

“Had a coworker in my marketing team who was a lead designer.

He was often pretty dismissive of junior level employees, or would try and one-up everyone’s stories (you tell him you stayed at a hotel at the beach over the weekend, he tells you he stayed in a penthouse at the same beach for a whole week).

He also always tried to be in proximity of senior staff members and would brag loudly if they were within an earshot, hoping they would hear how awesome his life is, I would assume.

One day, a VP from our company had come up to talk to somebody in a pod close to ours. The pretentious designer loudly asked me about my weekend, I gave him an answer.

He responded loudly, one upping my answer, noticed the VP wasn’t paying attention to him at all, quickly got up, hovered behind the VP while he was talking to the other employee, eventually the VP cracked a joke and the designer let out the loudest, fakest laugh I’ve ever heard, startling the VP, who up until then was not aware that this guy was standing behind him. VP just got an awkward close lipped smile, quickly nodded his head, and walked away.

Designer came back to our pod, sat down, and started working as if he was never mid conversation with me.”

3. Embarrassing.

“Coworker would talk up the boss during meetings.

“Mrs. Boss, you’re the smartest person I’ve ever known! I wish I had some of your brains.”

4. A real a** kisser.

“Other receptionist at my work is a huge a** kisser.

Calls herself the head receptionist when she’s really just a part timer that doesn’t do her job right. Will constantly have “meetings” with the bosses and take credit for things other people do.

Most recent example is when a client brought us donuts and left them at the front desk. I was in a room but heard the convo between the client and her about the donuts being a gift.

Then heard her walk to the back and announce to our boss that she (receptionist) ordered them donuts because they work so hard.”

5. That’s enough.

“Fake laughter at the boss’s jokes.

Laughter that goes on for WAY TOO LONG so that even the boss notices and gets PO’d.”

6. Cringeworthy.

“This f**ker at my work was just promoted because he’s an a** kisser.

Constantly jumps over people to perform a task, but only when the manager is around, that kind of c**p. Recently, he wrote on our manager’s door (he has a dry erase board for messages) “(Managers name) is the GREATEST”.

F**king cringe. I h**e this dumba**, and I respect my manager less for falling for it.”

7. Weird.

“This was actually pre-work.

Canada’s largest airline had an unqualified secretary screening the applications for pilot positions. She would determine who got interviewed and who got put to he bottom of the pile.

Some guys would send her chocolates…literally….and get an interview two days later, where others had waited years. Others would send flowers.

It was close to criminal the way she got bribed, and there were a lot of examples. She was finally heavily demoted for her actions, but she should have been canned.”

8. Annoying.

“I called my boss by his first name and my coworker scolded me after he walked away saying, “No! You call him MR. so-and-so”.

She’d also always go out and buy him his lunch.

He cut your maternity leave short and he underpays you. What’s in it for you?”

9. You are The King.

“At my job there was this guy who kept buying his direct supervisor lunch every day.

One time the supervisor asked him why he kept doing it, he responded with “The king’s gotta eat”.

Everyone in the immediate area cringed super hard at that, including the supervisor.”

10. Incredibly annoying.

“One particular co-worker is almost insufferable with his behavior.

Constant trumpet blowing with his lackluster work, endless comments about how much money he has, degrading other team members to get some kind of moral high ground and get in good graces with management.

What’s more cringe is his posts and interactions on the team member WhatsApp group, really fake or cheesy c**p that definitely is not his character at all.

Basically everything that he does involves trying to s**t on someone to look better at his job.

Anyway, he thought he was top s**t after one of the managers recently left and applied to take the advertised Duty Manager role. He was shut down almost immediately and apparently one of the night managers straight up told him that they did not want him to work nights due to nobody wanting to work with him.”

11. No thanks.

“As a blackjack dealer in a casino I had a floor manager that h**ed me. The feeling was very mutual.

One day I was secret shopped and received a 100% with some outstanding personalized comments on it. The higher ups were so impressed that the head of Table Games came down from on high to give me 50.00 worth of cash gift cards (unheard of, we normally get 5.00 buffet vouchers).

This all took place in front of the floor who h**ed me. Then he reaches in his pocket and hands me a card for “an entry into a drawing for a 10.00 cafe credit” and tells me I did good. F**ker used my 15 seconds of fame to make himself look good to the dept head.

It kinda backfired when I handed it back and said “no thanks, I know you don’t mean it.” Dept head hauled my a** upstairs and asked what I meant. I didn’t need the job so I unloaded every single instance of harassment, s**ual harassment, hr investigations, and backed them all up.

Covid hit while he was suspended and he was not invited back when they reopened.”

12. Wow.

“I had a coworker that went to the boss’s apartment to massage his feet.

The boss was a power-mad tyrant with zero oversight.

The coworker was a complete sh**bag. I think he made it to work on time only 1 time in 2 years. And he was a compulsive liar. He lied about s**t that he didn’t even need to lie about.

Coworker was having car troubles so the boss let him borrow one of his cars. The coworker let slip that he had been at the boss’s place massaging his feet.

He said it absentmindedly, as if he wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying. I was like, “Hold up!” He tried to claim he was just joking about it but I could tell the truth.”

Now it’s your turn!

In the comments, tell us about the biggest b**t kissers you’ve ever met.

We can’t wait to hear from you.

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What’s Your “I’m Pretty Awesome” Moment? Here’s What People Said.

Have you ever had an experience where you said to yourself, man…I’m a bada**?

I personally have not, but I’m hoping that it happens sooner than later…

There’s still time, right?

These AskReddit users had totally bada** moments.

Let’s see what they had to say.

1. Like an action movie.

“I was running through a building, down a ramp with polished cement floors, and I somehow ended up falling down on one knee.

With my high momentum I managed to slide all the way down the ramp (it was very long) and then kick myself back up into running again.

It all happened completely smoothly and it felt like an action scene.”

2. Saved the day!

“I went on a snorkeling trip off the coast of Kauai.

There was a newlywed couple there that I could tell weren’t good in the water. We’re out in the water and they’re off by themselves and I can see that the wife is crying and the husband has a panicked look on his face.

Turns out they didn’t realize that skin contracts in water and he lost his wedding ring off his finger. I scan around for a while and find it 30 feet down or so. I run down and get it and give it back to them. They were thrilled.”

3. Oh yeah!

“Chucked a piece of cardboard at a recycling bin at work, it was about 30 feet from me.

A draft caught it and took it 40 feet up and it did a double loop before slamming directly into the bin. One old lady saw and went “wooow!”

Felt like a f**king champion all day”

4. The big play.

“Little League baseball. Late 80s, early 90s.

Our coach was fantastic. All of the team played and rotated through every position.

This one game it was my turn to be second base.

There’s runners on first and second. The score is tied for the moment, but the game’s close to over and we’re getting tired. Plus it’s mid-July and it was hot.

The other team had a kid who was older than should have been on (but his dad was the coach, so…) and he had a mean swing.

He belts a line drive over the pitcher – I just start running. I snag the ball from the air a few steps into the grass towards center field, then make a u-turn and run back, tag second base (second base runner is out) and tag-out the runner who was trying to get back to first.

The adrenaline surge was enough to get us the win in the next inning.

We ended up being undefeated that season.”

5. Nice work!

“I saved my husband’s life using the Heimlich maneuver, on the first try, never having done it before.”

6. Boom!

“Start of UK lockdown my dishwasher broke down and since shops were closed, I was looking at minimum three months of doing the dishes by hand.

F**k that.

Went to YouTube, watched a bunch of videos, took the pump apart and found a piece of broken glass which was f**king it up.

Put it back together, worked perfect, f**k you entropy and washing dishes.”

7. A helping hand.

“I share mine with my dog. Did the adrenaline pumping, car lift thing.

My idiot neighbor was trying to change his own oil, and didn’t have the jack in the proper place. Whatever metal it was on, bent, and the car lowered onto him. Him which had his body positioned perfectly so the front tire would crush his dumb a**. My dog was out back and started going insane barking, so I bolted outside, wondering what could be wrong (he only barks when something’s wrong, like my kid left the yard or something).

I see my neighbor’s legs sticking out from his freaking tire, race inside screaming for my brother, then bolt back out and try to lift the car. My brother comes out and as I somehow manage to lift the car just enough, he pulls the neighbor out. I was expecting him to be dead, but he stood up, coughed a few times, and said thanks.

We called EMS to get him checked and they took him to the hospital. He had some internal injuries, but survived and recovered fully. What I remember most is flopping to my butt in the driveway, thinking, “S**t. That guy is an IDIOT!”

It was my brother that said I’m a bada**. And as the real hero, yes, doggo got all the pats and scritches and treats.”

8. Survivor.

“I got lost alone in Yellowstone, after sunset.

But I’d come prepared with a headlamp, kept my cool & found my way back to my car alive. My detour added several miles to the route, and it was & still is the most I’ve hiked in a single day, probably just under 14 miles.

I could barely move when I got back to my car. I had to just sit for about 20 minutes before I was able to drive. But I got the most amazing view of the Milky Way of my entire life along the way. Totally worth it for that alone.

Any mishap you survive becomes an adventure.”

9. Backed down.

“I was at a party and apparently some guy had a problem with me (I didn’t even know him).

I was sitting with friends and from across the room he yelled something to me, but with the music I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

So I said “What??” And he yelled it again. But again, I couldn’t hear him. So I stood up and said (more forcefully) “WHAT?!” His face dropped, he shrunk back a little, said “never mind” and sat down.

My friends laughed their a**es off. I genuinely thought this dude had a question. But I had inadvertently backed him down. My bada** moment was an accident.”

10. Take your best shot.

“Back in the day, I trained a few years in judo. A few regional tournaments convinced me that I am a fairly mediocre martial artist.

Ten years later a big, athletic guy (outweighed me by probably 80 pounds) took a swing at me outside of a bar, and I threw him with a massive shoulder throw with basically zero effort or thought. I started to lock his elbow on the ground, but realized he was mostly knocked out, so I just stood up.

I left as quickly as I could, but I saw like a dozen guys with open mouths saying things like, “Did you see that s**t?”

I pulled over to throw up on the way home.

A few years later, I related this story to a friend who works in military special operations, including the embarrassing part where I barfed. He said something that I’ve never forgotten: “That’s not a big deal man, a lot of guys get sick before every big mission. Bada** motherf**kers are guys who do bada** things. Sometimes, you are terrified, and you push through it to do bada** things anyway.”

I am in no way, shape, or form anything resembling a bada**. But I like my friend’s definition of courage. Who cares if you are the cool guy in the movies who walks away from explosions? What matters is if you pulled the girl out of the car before it blew up.

Doing what is necessary even if you are scared (especially when done for the benefit of other people), is the real definition of bada**ery.”

11. Just like Pee-Wee Herman!

“I went to a shop to buy a new bike… and I went there on my old bike.

I came back home riding my new bike and by holding the old one with one hand. Everything was going fine, until the bikes abruptly turned sideway and sent me flying over the handle bars.

I ducked forward, landed on my shoulder and in a continuous roll, I got back on my feet and did a thumbs up to appease a startled passer by.”

12. The accident.

“Watched a late 1990s Ford Explorer (I thought) over correct and roll off the interstate. The vehicle had rolled and came to a stop about 100 feet away and down a hill near the underpass.

I was in a work truck with 2 of my co-workers, followed by another work truck with 4 workers. We sprang to action like some sort of emergency team. Numerous vehicles were pulling over and 3 of my co-workers stayed behind to call 911 and prevent people from getting too close. The wrecked vehicle was 2 adults, a toddler, and an infant. The infant was completely fine and still in a carrier, so one co-worker unclipped it and took it closer to the road to be safe and await medical

. The woman was thrown from the vehicle one of my co-workers was keeping her still and watching for breathing as she was in and out of consciousness. My “task” with my other co-worker, was to attend to the man and the toddler still in the vehicle. The man was pinned by his door and the steering wheel, and was pouring blood and screaming “my baby, my baby”.

I sent the co-worker to help him after we disconnected the car battery. I pulled the toddler out of the vehicle, the little boy was completely unconscious, bleeding from his mouth, nose, and maybe eyes, and not breathing. I made sure the mouth was clear and started compressions, compressions for 5ish minutes until help arrived.

Everyone lived, I still have nightmares, but “d**n, I’m a bada**.””

A note: a little blood is a lot of blood, and an actual lot of blood is terrifying.

Have you ever had any moments like this?

If so, share them with us in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

The post What’s Your “I’m Pretty Awesome” Moment? Here’s What People Said. appeared first on UberFacts.

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What’s Your “I’m Pretty Awesome” Moment? Here’s What People Said.

Have you ever had an experience where you said to yourself, man…I’m a bada**?

I personally have not, but I’m hoping that it happens sooner than later…

There’s still time, right?

These AskReddit users had totally bada** moments.

Let’s see what they had to say.

1. Like an action movie.

“I was running through a building, down a ramp with polished cement floors, and I somehow ended up falling down on one knee.

With my high momentum I managed to slide all the way down the ramp (it was very long) and then kick myself back up into running again.

It all happened completely smoothly and it felt like an action scene.”

2. Saved the day!

“I went on a snorkeling trip off the coast of Kauai.

There was a newlywed couple there that I could tell weren’t good in the water. We’re out in the water and they’re off by themselves and I can see that the wife is crying and the husband has a panicked look on his face.

Turns out they didn’t realize that skin contracts in water and he lost his wedding ring off his finger. I scan around for a while and find it 30 feet down or so. I run down and get it and give it back to them. They were thrilled.”

3. Oh yeah!

“Chucked a piece of cardboard at a recycling bin at work, it was about 30 feet from me.

A draft caught it and took it 40 feet up and it did a double loop before slamming directly into the bin. One old lady saw and went “wooow!”

Felt like a f**king champion all day”

4. The big play.

“Little League baseball. Late 80s, early 90s.

Our coach was fantastic. All of the team played and rotated through every position.

This one game it was my turn to be second base.

There’s runners on first and second. The score is tied for the moment, but the game’s close to over and we’re getting tired. Plus it’s mid-July and it was hot.

The other team had a kid who was older than should have been on (but his dad was the coach, so…) and he had a mean swing.

He belts a line drive over the pitcher – I just start running. I snag the ball from the air a few steps into the grass towards center field, then make a u-turn and run back, tag second base (second base runner is out) and tag-out the runner who was trying to get back to first.

The adrenaline surge was enough to get us the win in the next inning.

We ended up being undefeated that season.”

5. Nice work!

“I saved my husband’s life using the Heimlich maneuver, on the first try, never having done it before.”

6. Boom!

“Start of UK lockdown my dishwasher broke down and since shops were closed, I was looking at minimum three months of doing the dishes by hand.

F**k that.

Went to YouTube, watched a bunch of videos, took the pump apart and found a piece of broken glass which was f**king it up.

Put it back together, worked perfect, f**k you entropy and washing dishes.”

7. A helping hand.

“I share mine with my dog. Did the adrenaline pumping, car lift thing.

My idiot neighbor was trying to change his own oil, and didn’t have the jack in the proper place. Whatever metal it was on, bent, and the car lowered onto him. Him which had his body positioned perfectly so the front tire would crush his dumb a**. My dog was out back and started going insane barking, so I bolted outside, wondering what could be wrong (he only barks when something’s wrong, like my kid left the yard or something).

I see my neighbor’s legs sticking out from his freaking tire, race inside screaming for my brother, then bolt back out and try to lift the car. My brother comes out and as I somehow manage to lift the car just enough, he pulls the neighbor out. I was expecting him to be dead, but he stood up, coughed a few times, and said thanks.

We called EMS to get him checked and they took him to the hospital. He had some internal injuries, but survived and recovered fully. What I remember most is flopping to my butt in the driveway, thinking, “S**t. That guy is an IDIOT!”

It was my brother that said I’m a bada**. And as the real hero, yes, doggo got all the pats and scritches and treats.”

8. Survivor.

“I got lost alone in Yellowstone, after sunset.

But I’d come prepared with a headlamp, kept my cool & found my way back to my car alive. My detour added several miles to the route, and it was & still is the most I’ve hiked in a single day, probably just under 14 miles.

I could barely move when I got back to my car. I had to just sit for about 20 minutes before I was able to drive. But I got the most amazing view of the Milky Way of my entire life along the way. Totally worth it for that alone.

Any mishap you survive becomes an adventure.”

9. Backed down.

“I was at a party and apparently some guy had a problem with me (I didn’t even know him).

I was sitting with friends and from across the room he yelled something to me, but with the music I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

So I said “What??” And he yelled it again. But again, I couldn’t hear him. So I stood up and said (more forcefully) “WHAT?!” His face dropped, he shrunk back a little, said “never mind” and sat down.

My friends laughed their a**es off. I genuinely thought this dude had a question. But I had inadvertently backed him down. My bada** moment was an accident.”

10. Take your best shot.

“Back in the day, I trained a few years in judo. A few regional tournaments convinced me that I am a fairly mediocre martial artist.

Ten years later a big, athletic guy (outweighed me by probably 80 pounds) took a swing at me outside of a bar, and I threw him with a massive shoulder throw with basically zero effort or thought. I started to lock his elbow on the ground, but realized he was mostly knocked out, so I just stood up.

I left as quickly as I could, but I saw like a dozen guys with open mouths saying things like, “Did you see that s**t?”

I pulled over to throw up on the way home.

A few years later, I related this story to a friend who works in military special operations, including the embarrassing part where I barfed. He said something that I’ve never forgotten: “That’s not a big deal man, a lot of guys get sick before every big mission. Bada** motherf**kers are guys who do bada** things. Sometimes, you are terrified, and you push through it to do bada** things anyway.”

I am in no way, shape, or form anything resembling a bada**. But I like my friend’s definition of courage. Who cares if you are the cool guy in the movies who walks away from explosions? What matters is if you pulled the girl out of the car before it blew up.

Doing what is necessary even if you are scared (especially when done for the benefit of other people), is the real definition of bada**ery.”

11. Just like Pee-Wee Herman!

“I went to a shop to buy a new bike… and I went there on my old bike.

I came back home riding my new bike and by holding the old one with one hand. Everything was going fine, until the bikes abruptly turned sideway and sent me flying over the handle bars.

I ducked forward, landed on my shoulder and in a continuous roll, I got back on my feet and did a thumbs up to appease a startled passer by.”

12. The accident.

“Watched a late 1990s Ford Explorer (I thought) over correct and roll off the interstate. The vehicle had rolled and came to a stop about 100 feet away and down a hill near the underpass.

I was in a work truck with 2 of my co-workers, followed by another work truck with 4 workers. We sprang to action like some sort of emergency team. Numerous vehicles were pulling over and 3 of my co-workers stayed behind to call 911 and prevent people from getting too close. The wrecked vehicle was 2 adults, a toddler, and an infant. The infant was completely fine and still in a carrier, so one co-worker unclipped it and took it closer to the road to be safe and await medical

. The woman was thrown from the vehicle one of my co-workers was keeping her still and watching for breathing as she was in and out of consciousness. My “task” with my other co-worker, was to attend to the man and the toddler still in the vehicle. The man was pinned by his door and the steering wheel, and was pouring blood and screaming “my baby, my baby”.

I sent the co-worker to help him after we disconnected the car battery. I pulled the toddler out of the vehicle, the little boy was completely unconscious, bleeding from his mouth, nose, and maybe eyes, and not breathing. I made sure the mouth was clear and started compressions, compressions for 5ish minutes until help arrived.

Everyone lived, I still have nightmares, but “d**n, I’m a bada**.””

A note: a little blood is a lot of blood, and an actual lot of blood is terrifying.

Have you ever had any moments like this?

If so, share them with us in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

The post What’s Your “I’m Pretty Awesome” Moment? Here’s What People Said. appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Discuss the Worst Examples of Brown-Nosing They’ve Ever Seen

I used to work at a place when I was younger and I had a co-worker that we’ll call Tim.

Tim was the biggest a** kisser I’ve ever met in my life and all of us there couldn’t stand the way he used to suck up to the bosses and make the rest of us look like losers (which we kinda were…).

Eventually, Tim got on everyone’s nerves and then one day he left and never came back. And we all jumped for joy!

Folks on AskReddit shared stories about the worst brown-nosers they’ve ever seen.

Enjoy!

1. Jeez…

“My immediate supervisor and I were doing a job offsite at a partner company’s lab, like an hour’s drive from our company, and we finished our task at like 4:30, and I was like, f**k it, lets end the workday.

He insisted on calling the director and inform him we were done working offsite, and ask him to officially give us permission to go home a half hour early.

The director was like, “You called and bothered me to ask this? JUST GO HOME, seriously, you two are out in the field because you’re supposed to be able to make decisions like this on your own.””

2. Just got right in there.

“The girl my boss hired to help me and I trained started having an affair with the second in command.

For the next year I got to watch her, feed him fruit with her mouth while doing almost nothing all day. She would go on 2 hour lunches.

Got promoted, a raise and I had to continue to take the load of the work she was initially hired for.”

3. Fakin’ it.

“I used to work with a girl who would always change her voice whenever she would interact with our boss to try and seem s**y.

Her voice would literally go up several octaves in tone and she would adopt this Valley Girl type of inflection.

If he wasn’t around she talked completely different.”

4. What a tool.

“One of my co-workers is the biggest tooI have ever met.

I have worked part-time for the company for 7 years and met hundreds of people none of which I disliked. Sure there were people I would not hang out or even talk with outside of work, but at work I got along. This kid (m21) is on another f**king level and I can actually say I h**e him.

First day on the job he comes in and acts like he owns the place. Two guys were working on this project and he comes over and says “Yea, good job on this part. This is how I want this done around here” both these guys are in there 30s, been with the company for years and just stand there looking at him like he is stupid.

He always called himself the smartest person in the department, and how he is going to run this place. And because he finished his bachelor’s a year early he is a genius. Also because of his degree he thinks he understands the inner workings of running a business perfectly. This kid letures on about efficiency all the time, yet he is on his phone 80% of his shift or talking.

Everyone h**es this kid. Department managers, full timers, and even vendors from outside the company can’t stand him and talk nasty behind his back. He is clueless. 6 people reported him to HR, which our rep doesn’t like him either lol. They had a meeting with him and changed nothing.

The while reason he can act like this is because he is friends with our corporate district managers son. And he snitches to this guy about stuff going on. It’s bad enough he is a tool and a snitch, but it’s even worse that this DM listens to him, even though he does nothing.

Thank God I am leaving that job soon.”

5. Bride-to-be.

“This coworker was getting married and she talked a lot about her wedding at work.

There was another coworker very close in age she bounced ideas off of and they became really close over the course of wedding planning and the bride used to call the coworker her work bestie and make all sorts of references to her coming to the wedding.

Bride-to-be eventually told coworker that she would have loooooved to have her at the wedding but there just wasn’t room for her, the amount of people had been settled on much earlier etc etc. Coworker understood and took it pretty well.

Turns out coworker is very well connected to some higher ups in the office and was later talking to someone who revealed that she had met Bride-to-be twice and immediately gotten an invite to the wedding. When they found out the lowly coworker hadn’t been invited the higher up didn’t want to go and convinced a whole bunch of other higher ups, who also barely knew the bride and had gotten invites, not to go either because Bride was clearly using her wedding for networking.

The bride to be got a pretty s**tty reputation as a suck up after that.

Also it was extra weird because we work in a pretty tame white collar office where you don’t need to be a crazy networker to have a successful career or rise in the ranks. Like I know in some industries you kind of have to invite your boss, but this isn’t one of them.

Plenty of people don’t invite anyone from their work to their wedding and no one really cares.”

6. Yes, boss.

“I had a boss who was into “finer” things of life. Good quality clothes, expensive wine, exotic food, cigars from all over the planet, heaps of watches and expensive cars type thing.

So a co worker of mine, within two weeks of beginning bought my boss some cufflinks worth in the hundreds. Over the course of two year this co worker became known as a yes man. Never disagreed with the boss at all.

He also self appointed himself as his right hand man always telling other people how to do things because that’s how the boss would want it. (Kinda like a less aggressive version of Dwight from the office)

Any way a position officially opens up to become supervisor (second highest rank) of the department. Naturally my coworker went for it, telling everywhere would listen he would get it because the boss promised it. What he didn’t know is that the boss was leaving, named the then supervisor as his successor, who then picked some one who had been working there for about 9 months.

Need less to say my co worker has been acting very distant to the new manager and supervisor.”

7. Group interviews sound horrible.

“I was in a group interview once where I was one of probably 12-15 people.

Group interviews are pure gold for a** kissing. In that interview, we had a guy that tripped over a table and knocked it over because he wanted to be the first one to shake the interviewers’ hands.

Also a lot of, “and if you pick me then I will bring this talent to the company…” bulls**t.”

8. This is amazing.

“During a meeting with about 6 people around a table, the male boss spilled his drink on his own lap and ruined his trousers.

As he got up to leave, this male co-worker took his shirt off, kneeled, and proceeded to try and dry the boss’ trousers with his own shirt, in a position that everyone immediately understood as totally akin to a bl**job about to happen. To make matters worse, after two or three strokes, we all could see through the trousers that the boss had an instant massive hard on that he couldn’t hide even if he wanted to. So there we were, watching bad quality amateur p**n live in the office.

After about 30/40 seconds of this, the boss looked around and must have seen our faces so he left immediately. And the co-worker just went back to his chair and sat there, shirtless, like nothing happened. We’re all like ‘ok, this meeting is over’ and start to collect our belongings to leave as the boss comes back with a fresh pair of trousers in full business mode so we conclude another 20 minutes of the meeting with a shirtless boss-masturbating dude sitting at the table.

The se**ual tension between them was so palpable that I really hope they had a go at each other afterwards.”

9. Trying to look good.

“I know a guy who basically just summarizes group meetings at the end and then asks people if they have questions or if he left anything out just to make it look like he has leadership potential and is contributing.

Horrible, incompetent worker but sure knows how to make himself look good.”

10. I stayed late!

“I worked at a digital marketing startup for about a year. Most of the employees were in their early to mid-20s (so was I at the time), and management absolutely played favorites.

Working late hours was a solid way to get management to notice you, even if your work didn’t necessitate staying late. I once got s**t for leaving at 5:30, even after working a full 8 hours and getting all my work done.

One morning we were all having a company meeting and one guy mentioned how tired he was since he stayed in the office until 10pm the previous night.

Immediately, this other guy loudly says “Well, I was here until 11!” Then he literally looked around to make sure management heard him.”

11. Follow the rules.

“I wasn’t there to see it, but have been told it many times.

During Christmas we have a secret Santa with the rule it can only be worth $20 or less. One woman ended up getting our big boss as her secret Santa, and instead of sticking to the $20 rule, she brought an expensive handbag and wine for our boss.

Our boss, seeing how it definitely wasn’t $20 or less, had to find out who it was, and tell her to return it as it would be seen as a form of bribery in the workplace and well, obviously did not follow the secret Santa rule.”

12. Gross.

“I had a co-worker who literally recorded a conversation between two of his colleagues on his phone who were discussing the boss’s recent decisions.

He then took said conversation to the boss. Nothing happened except nobody trusted him from then on. He was an unpleasant, aggressive twat also.

It’s funny because throughout his entire employment with us he accused everyone around him of being snakes. Where in reality he was the biggest snake of all.

He got fired after he got into a shouting match with one of the cleaning staff. And he even expected me to stick up for him because I helped him out when he first joined. I did not and recommended termination.

Absolute scumbag. Never ever want to see that piece of s**t human being ever again.”

How about you?

What’s the worst example of brown-nosing that you’ve ever seen?

Talk to us in the comments and let us know!

The post People Discuss the Worst Examples of Brown-Nosing They’ve Ever Seen appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Discuss the Worst Examples of Brown-Nosing They’ve Ever Seen

I used to work at a place when I was younger and I had a co-worker that we’ll call Tim.

Tim was the biggest a** kisser I’ve ever met in my life and all of us there couldn’t stand the way he used to suck up to the bosses and make the rest of us look like losers (which we kinda were…).

Eventually, Tim got on everyone’s nerves and then one day he left and never came back. And we all jumped for joy!

Folks on AskReddit shared stories about the worst brown-nosers they’ve ever seen.

Enjoy!

1. Jeez…

“My immediate supervisor and I were doing a job offsite at a partner company’s lab, like an hour’s drive from our company, and we finished our task at like 4:30, and I was like, f**k it, lets end the workday.

He insisted on calling the director and inform him we were done working offsite, and ask him to officially give us permission to go home a half hour early.

The director was like, “You called and bothered me to ask this? JUST GO HOME, seriously, you two are out in the field because you’re supposed to be able to make decisions like this on your own.””

2. Just got right in there.

“The girl my boss hired to help me and I trained started having an affair with the second in command.

For the next year I got to watch her, feed him fruit with her mouth while doing almost nothing all day. She would go on 2 hour lunches.

Got promoted, a raise and I had to continue to take the load of the work she was initially hired for.”

3. Fakin’ it.

“I used to work with a girl who would always change her voice whenever she would interact with our boss to try and seem s**y.

Her voice would literally go up several octaves in tone and she would adopt this Valley Girl type of inflection.

If he wasn’t around she talked completely different.”

4. What a tool.

“One of my co-workers is the biggest tooI have ever met.

I have worked part-time for the company for 7 years and met hundreds of people none of which I disliked. Sure there were people I would not hang out or even talk with outside of work, but at work I got along. This kid (m21) is on another f**king level and I can actually say I h**e him.

First day on the job he comes in and acts like he owns the place. Two guys were working on this project and he comes over and says “Yea, good job on this part. This is how I want this done around here” both these guys are in there 30s, been with the company for years and just stand there looking at him like he is stupid.

He always called himself the smartest person in the department, and how he is going to run this place. And because he finished his bachelor’s a year early he is a genius. Also because of his degree he thinks he understands the inner workings of running a business perfectly. This kid letures on about efficiency all the time, yet he is on his phone 80% of his shift or talking.

Everyone h**es this kid. Department managers, full timers, and even vendors from outside the company can’t stand him and talk nasty behind his back. He is clueless. 6 people reported him to HR, which our rep doesn’t like him either lol. They had a meeting with him and changed nothing.

The while reason he can act like this is because he is friends with our corporate district managers son. And he snitches to this guy about stuff going on. It’s bad enough he is a tool and a snitch, but it’s even worse that this DM listens to him, even though he does nothing.

Thank God I am leaving that job soon.”

5. Bride-to-be.

“This coworker was getting married and she talked a lot about her wedding at work.

There was another coworker very close in age she bounced ideas off of and they became really close over the course of wedding planning and the bride used to call the coworker her work bestie and make all sorts of references to her coming to the wedding.

Bride-to-be eventually told coworker that she would have loooooved to have her at the wedding but there just wasn’t room for her, the amount of people had been settled on much earlier etc etc. Coworker understood and took it pretty well.

Turns out coworker is very well connected to some higher ups in the office and was later talking to someone who revealed that she had met Bride-to-be twice and immediately gotten an invite to the wedding. When they found out the lowly coworker hadn’t been invited the higher up didn’t want to go and convinced a whole bunch of other higher ups, who also barely knew the bride and had gotten invites, not to go either because Bride was clearly using her wedding for networking.

The bride to be got a pretty s**tty reputation as a suck up after that.

Also it was extra weird because we work in a pretty tame white collar office where you don’t need to be a crazy networker to have a successful career or rise in the ranks. Like I know in some industries you kind of have to invite your boss, but this isn’t one of them.

Plenty of people don’t invite anyone from their work to their wedding and no one really cares.”

6. Yes, boss.

“I had a boss who was into “finer” things of life. Good quality clothes, expensive wine, exotic food, cigars from all over the planet, heaps of watches and expensive cars type thing.

So a co worker of mine, within two weeks of beginning bought my boss some cufflinks worth in the hundreds. Over the course of two year this co worker became known as a yes man. Never disagreed with the boss at all.

He also self appointed himself as his right hand man always telling other people how to do things because that’s how the boss would want it. (Kinda like a less aggressive version of Dwight from the office)

Any way a position officially opens up to become supervisor (second highest rank) of the department. Naturally my coworker went for it, telling everywhere would listen he would get it because the boss promised it. What he didn’t know is that the boss was leaving, named the then supervisor as his successor, who then picked some one who had been working there for about 9 months.

Need less to say my co worker has been acting very distant to the new manager and supervisor.”

7. Group interviews sound horrible.

“I was in a group interview once where I was one of probably 12-15 people.

Group interviews are pure gold for a** kissing. In that interview, we had a guy that tripped over a table and knocked it over because he wanted to be the first one to shake the interviewers’ hands.

Also a lot of, “and if you pick me then I will bring this talent to the company…” bulls**t.”

8. This is amazing.

“During a meeting with about 6 people around a table, the male boss spilled his drink on his own lap and ruined his trousers.

As he got up to leave, this male co-worker took his shirt off, kneeled, and proceeded to try and dry the boss’ trousers with his own shirt, in a position that everyone immediately understood as totally akin to a bl**job about to happen. To make matters worse, after two or three strokes, we all could see through the trousers that the boss had an instant massive hard on that he couldn’t hide even if he wanted to. So there we were, watching bad quality amateur p**n live in the office.

After about 30/40 seconds of this, the boss looked around and must have seen our faces so he left immediately. And the co-worker just went back to his chair and sat there, shirtless, like nothing happened. We’re all like ‘ok, this meeting is over’ and start to collect our belongings to leave as the boss comes back with a fresh pair of trousers in full business mode so we conclude another 20 minutes of the meeting with a shirtless boss-masturbating dude sitting at the table.

The se**ual tension between them was so palpable that I really hope they had a go at each other afterwards.”

9. Trying to look good.

“I know a guy who basically just summarizes group meetings at the end and then asks people if they have questions or if he left anything out just to make it look like he has leadership potential and is contributing.

Horrible, incompetent worker but sure knows how to make himself look good.”

10. I stayed late!

“I worked at a digital marketing startup for about a year. Most of the employees were in their early to mid-20s (so was I at the time), and management absolutely played favorites.

Working late hours was a solid way to get management to notice you, even if your work didn’t necessitate staying late. I once got s**t for leaving at 5:30, even after working a full 8 hours and getting all my work done.

One morning we were all having a company meeting and one guy mentioned how tired he was since he stayed in the office until 10pm the previous night.

Immediately, this other guy loudly says “Well, I was here until 11!” Then he literally looked around to make sure management heard him.”

11. Follow the rules.

“I wasn’t there to see it, but have been told it many times.

During Christmas we have a secret Santa with the rule it can only be worth $20 or less. One woman ended up getting our big boss as her secret Santa, and instead of sticking to the $20 rule, she brought an expensive handbag and wine for our boss.

Our boss, seeing how it definitely wasn’t $20 or less, had to find out who it was, and tell her to return it as it would be seen as a form of bribery in the workplace and well, obviously did not follow the secret Santa rule.”

12. Gross.

“I had a co-worker who literally recorded a conversation between two of his colleagues on his phone who were discussing the boss’s recent decisions.

He then took said conversation to the boss. Nothing happened except nobody trusted him from then on. He was an unpleasant, aggressive twat also.

It’s funny because throughout his entire employment with us he accused everyone around him of being snakes. Where in reality he was the biggest snake of all.

He got fired after he got into a shouting match with one of the cleaning staff. And he even expected me to stick up for him because I helped him out when he first joined. I did not and recommended termination.

Absolute scumbag. Never ever want to see that piece of s**t human being ever again.”

How about you?

What’s the worst example of brown-nosing that you’ve ever seen?

Talk to us in the comments and let us know!

The post People Discuss the Worst Examples of Brown-Nosing They’ve Ever Seen appeared first on UberFacts.