Enjoy These Funny Tweets About Self-Care

A lot of times, in the midst of our incredibly busy lives, we forget that we need to take the time to relax, reflect, and take care of ourselves. Maybe not all the time, but at least occasionally.

I’m sure you’ve heard of “Self Care Sunday,” where you treat and pamper yourself after a lot of hard work? Well, these tweets are kind of about that phenomenon, but they flip it on its head a little bit with some humor.

Enjoy…and see if these tweets speak to you…

1. Please fix me.

me whispering into my green tea after taking one sip: ʸᵒᵘ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ᶠᶦˣ ᵐʸ ᵉⁿᵗᶦʳᵉ ˡᶦᶠᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍʳᵒˢˢ ᵇᶦᵗᶜʰ.. ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᶦ ᵇᵉᵍ

— indie (@INDIEWASHERE) November 13, 2017

2. Does it work, though?

new self care: talk to myself the way I talk to dogs.
ex:
-hi sweet girl
-want a treat?
-ur so chubby & cute
-need a nap?
-what a good girl

— Mackenzi Lee (@themackenzilee) September 4, 2017

3. All good tips.

what I'm saying is, practice self-care, smell some lavender, eat and savor a cookie, feed the ducks, scream into a pillow so loud that the pillow absorbs your screams and then then it's like a Scream Egg and then the screams eventually hatch and swarm to destroy, destroy, destroy

— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) September 27, 2018

4. Totally worth it.

Happy Self Care Sunday. Have some waffles. Pet a dog. Masturbate. Watch John Wick and practice karate naked in the living room. Cut your own hair. Drink 3 RedBulls and throw a knife at God. You’re worth it.

— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) November 24, 2019

5. I have a feeling it would be popular.

Netflix should add the category "Sorry There Are No More Episodes of Bake-Off and Queer Eye, You're Clearly Going Through Some Stuff, Here Are Some Other Soothing Shows with People Being Nice to Each Other over Low-Stakes Things"

— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@fleurdeliqueur) August 8, 2018

6. Do what you gotta do.

canceling plans is ok. staying home to cook is ok. disappearing for a bit to get your life together is ok. resurfacing in a foreign country with a new name 10 years later is ok. it's called self care

— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) January 13, 2018

7. I do!

does anyone else write things they already did in their planner just so u can cross it out and feel accomplished

— alex meyer (@alexmeyerrr) August 27, 2018

8. Sorry about that…

cleaned apartment: For Bobby.
washed hair: For Jonathan.
wore button down: For Tan.
told myself i am worth it: For Karamo.
in the cici’s buffet line: Antoni, I’m so sorry

— nat (@nataliemac17) July 22, 2018

9. Start today!

once i start taking my own advice it’s over for u bitches

— a (@brokeangeI) December 6, 2017

10. This is so funny.

the world: [at the edge of apocalypse]

me: [oblivious, headphones on] pic.twitter.com/6YwYotstzG

— elvish presley (@_elvishpresley_) June 29, 2018

11. All very good tips.

cut negativity out of your life. delete Facebook. block your landlord’s number. uninstall your banking app. stop paying taxes. forget math. self care.

— ditch pony (@molly7anne) December 5, 2018

12. The last one is crucial.

Self-care tips for the weekend:
– delete twitter
– form a coven
– cast a circle and raise power to call for the destruction of all bad men and embrace your sisters with love and healing
– bubble bath

— Lauren Strapagiel (@laurenstrapa) November 10, 2017

13. Doesn’t seem to be working…

thinking about camomile tea: oh yeah i love it, the calming drink

actually drinking camomile tea: the hot hay water has not relaxed me

— madeleine holden (@madeleinecholia) April 15, 2018

14. I need to talk about how healthy I am.

me: *eats one piece of fruit for the first time in weeks*
me: self care is so important!! love urself!! ur body is a temple

— indie (@INDIEWASHERE) April 8, 2017

15. I see…

Anything I do not want to do is emotional labor. Anything I do want to do is self care. I will not be expanding on this rn.

— sarah kelly (@thesarahkelly) November 27, 2018

Take good care of yourself in 2020 and beyond!

The post Enjoy These Funny Tweets About Self-Care appeared first on UberFacts.

December 21, 2019

We Think These Tweets Will Always Be Funny

Certain tweets are only funny for a few minutes, but others can get shared over and over and you’ll still laugh at them every single time they pop up in your feed.

The latter are harder to find, and if you haven’t run across these 15, we think you’re missing out.

If you have, you’ll probably laugh again anyway.

15. If only it had been a marble rye.

[sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye]
"Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye."

— David Hughes (@david8hughes) June 1, 2014

14. There’s no judgement in Amazon land.

sometimes having a family amazon account is…..embarassing pic.twitter.com/6uXX2xWvWl

— eco goth (@5150wonderbread) October 15, 2019

13. GET OUT.

Our relationship with ants is weird. Ants are, like, "Hey, I only want these crumbs, ok?" and we're all, "No you motherfucking will not."

— Jason but 2% Jollier (@longwall26) July 23, 2014

12. I think we all know the answer to that.

Which is the hardest for you to say:

1. I love you
2. I was wrong, I’m sorry
3. I need help
4. Worcestershire Sauce
5. I appreciate you

— C (@CA_AUA) September 16, 2019

11. And one only hurts for a minute.

"Wow 3 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know"

Me: wow 3 kids… those are pretty damn permanent CAROL

— Emily Barry (@EmiBarry) July 26, 2017

10. Variety is the spice of life.

wife hoping for a normal day: good morning
me: im gonna try to become left handed

— myrrhman5 (@murrman5) December 5, 2018

9. No one missed that.

[At a bar]
Guy: Did it hurt?
Me: What?
G: When you fell walking in. I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw.

— ᎽᎪᎬᏞ (@elle91) October 12, 2015

8. He’s going to need you to back on up.

Me explaining
My love for my
Dog and how I
Would die for him My dog pic.twitter.com/qy2O9tsJke

— ?-??????ッ (@eemmmmauel) May 28, 2019

7. A poignant commentary on our culture.

Just saw a very stoned young man in the 7/11 look at the selection of chips sadly and say softly “there’s too many of you”

— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) November 10, 2017

6. That’s…that’s an elephant?

Looking in the rear view mirror gave me a freaking heart attack today. My daughter’s elephant mask is nightmare fuel and children are just terrifying. pic.twitter.com/pi9C1U9U6P

— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) July 4, 2018

5. This is just so cute and innocent.

What’s fortnight

— Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) October 15, 2019

4. snort

her: i’m in a sorority

me trying to impress her: *nervous* oh really i’m uh- i’m in a frat

her: is it kappa sig

me: *visibly sweating, has already forgotten what she said* ya im in peppa pig

— harvard graduate (@heelyfanaccount) October 14, 2019

3. I am not happy with this product and no longer want to receive it.

told my boyfriend I was going to start my period and he said, "AGAIN??"

it's like, you know what, you're right, I'm cancelling my subscription.

— m. diane (@cULTMOTHER) June 11, 2018

2. …your mum?

In 1998 I *begged* my mom to buy me JNCO jeans.

She agreed, but only on the condition we do a photoshoot to prove to my future self how stupid I looked.

Look who's laughing now, mom. pic.twitter.com/guTjRSk31N

— Zach Kornfeld (@korndiddy) December 7, 2018

1. There goes your tip.

my ubereats delivery man decided to be a smart ass…… pic.twitter.com/8MrPM5E5Mv

— ace (@iamalishajo) July 17, 2017

This is the best part of the internet, don’t you think?

Do you have a favorite tweet? Share it with us in the comments!

The post We Think These Tweets Will Always Be Funny appeared first on UberFacts.

December 19, 2019

Funny Tweets About Things That People Think Are Better Than Sex

Sex is great…but have you seen these tweets?

People are weighing in on social media about what they think is as good or better than doing the deed, knocking the boots, doing the horizontal mamba…or whatever you want to call it.

Let’s dive into these and get inside the heads of these folks…

1. That is SEXY.

sure sex is great but have you ever caught an uber pool to the airport that didn’t pick up anyone else

— Matt Ford (@JMatthiasFord) October 13, 2017

2. Very satisfying.

sure, sex is great, but have you ever finished a long piece of work and quit a browser that had 35 tabs open

— Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) May 20, 2019

3. EROTIC.

Sex is great, but have you ever done that thing where the scissors slide all the way across the wrapping paper?

— Kevin Fallon (@kpfallon) December 23, 2017

4. Not yet…

yea sex is great but have you ever been to a chiropractor?

— sarah schauer (@SJSchauer) July 25, 2018

5. Way better than sex.

Sure sex is great but have you ever worked a customer service job and been able to put an abusive customer in their place without being reprimanded?

— dripped out muppet (@sweatpantspapi) January 30, 2019

6. What a relief.

Sex is great… but have you ever finally removed a popcorn kernel shell from your gums after 10 hours..

— Christian Blacc.. (@50shadesofblacc) February 13, 2019

7. This is my space.

Yeah sex is great but have you ever been in a elevator, seen someone running towards it and reached over to the Door Open button but hesitated for a spit second then seen the doors close and convinced yourself it was the universes decision that you should ride alone today.

— Kaya Scodelario (@kScodders) September 17, 2018

8. NEVER.

Yeah sex is great but have you ever lost your phone at an event and then actually had it returned to you

— Stephanie (@Plurprincess_1) September 12, 2018

9. Might not be able to beat this one.

Sex is great but have you ever watched the school bus take your kids away from you for the day?

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 10, 2018

10. This has to be a fantasy.

I know sex is great but have you ever been paid by a client within an hour of sending the invoice?

— Jord Riekwel (@Larkef) January 29, 2019

11. Meetings are pretty brutal.

yeah sex is great but have u ever had a meeting canceled

— Flexington Ave Local (@Dr_TacoMD) February 28, 2019

12. That’s impossible.

yeah …… sex is great but ……. have u ever been able to spell mcconaughey right on the first try

— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) March 11, 2019

13. Made a new friend.

Sure sex is great but have you ever discovered that you and someone else hate the same person?

— Phillip Henry (@MajorPhilebrity) April 19, 2019

14. Showed them…

Sure sex is great but have you ever unfollowed someone who you had a crush on that never liked you back?

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) June 2, 2019

15. Ahhhh, I’m spent.

Sure, sex is great, but what about when you let a bus pull out at a bus stop and the driver opens his little window and gives you a big thumbs-up

— Damon Green (@damongreenITV) June 5, 2019

Those are pretty hilarious.

Why don’t you share your own version in the comments…we know you have a few of these on your mind!

The post Funny Tweets About Things That People Think Are Better Than Sex appeared first on UberFacts.

December 17, 2019

These Tweets Might Just Turn Your Frown Upside down

We all need a little help now and then, and even though I am in no way encouraging you to smile if you don’t feel like it or telling you that you owe one single person a smile (you don’t), if YOU feel like you could use a laugh, well….here you go.

I’m just going to set these 13 tweets full of wholesome goodness right here and let you enjoy at your will.

13. Let me think. No.

him: are you done with ur little attitude?

me: pic.twitter.com/B9aeCcEOtT

— мåɾℓєиå. (@lenarios27) November 30, 2019

12. This is your daily PSA about drinking too much and why it’s bad but also can be amusing.

I was blackout last night and posted a video to my story of me following an animal down the street yelling ”what are you? Ive never seen one like you?“ and then I woke up this morning, watched it and the animal was just a black trash bag blowing across the sidewalk I’m speechless

— Aol.com (@lukasbattle) December 1, 2019

11. Ladies, you know what he really wants.

Girls are shit with birthday gifts you’ll hint for a Rolex all year & she’ll turn up with a jar that’s filled with 22 things she loves about you lol

— ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤBEN10 (@monst1ace) November 29, 2019

10. Nothing to see here but AWWWW.

Just Chinese fisherman couple eating pic.twitter.com/WOu722Iyti

— Carl Zha (@CarlZha) December 1, 2019

9. I don’t know about you, but I can relate to this.

Every time he gets his favorite food. pic.twitter.com/qqr2EGYnbh

— ANDREW ALBERTT (@ANDREW1ALBERTT) November 30, 2019

8. When you’re just too good at making breakup playlists.

Spotify: hey dumbass. hey asshole.

Me: pls don’t

Spotify: here’s your 2019 Rewind playlist you bitch

Me: stop

Spotify: and we pulled every fucken song from that one 6 week period after a breakup

Me: *already listening to the playlist, crying* it’s perfect. i hate you.

— dirk diggler (@TakeForGrantd) November 30, 2019

7. A George Costanza for the modern age. #doaleavebehind

Just DM’d my WCW "hpe you had a nice Thanksgiving" on purpose so if she doesnt reply I'm gonna DM her again correcting the typo pic.twitter.com/weYyrL3tR4

— Cryptic (@CrypticNoOne) November 29, 2019

6. “Dork a** losers” is officially my go-to now.

pic.twitter.com/4BiAx1iSC4

— Bitchcoin (@SubMedina) March 7, 2019

5. He identifies with Parker’s grandpa so much.

my sister was worried about bringing her girlfriend to thanksgiving because she hasn’t come out to our conservative, texan, retired preacher, grandfather. so i turned on gold rush on discovery channel and he didn’t even blink for like 4 hours

— Danya (@dxxnya) November 30, 2019

4. I think about this when I hand out papers but I still do it because THEY STICK OKAY.

Me whenever my teacher licked her finger and put a paper on my desk https://t.co/wVIxVkTjUL

— BYK (@CaIIMeB) November 30, 2019

3. I think this is Dakota’s official statement.

Dakota Johnson

|
/ _
━━━━━┓ ＼＼
┓┓┓┓┓┃ ＼＼
┓┓┓┓┓┃Ellen DeGeneres
┓┓┓┓┓┃ ヽノ
┓┓┓┓┓┃ 　 /
┓┓┓┓┓┃ ノ)
┓┓┓┓┓┃
┓┓┓┓┓┃

— Ξvan Ross Katz (@evanrosskatz) November 30, 2019

2. Pardon me I may have been mistaken.

Me: this edible ain’t shit

30 mins later : pic.twitter.com/AjXX83iHIA

— Nayib (@Nxyib) December 1, 2019

1. It’s the decimal points that make the tweet.

“baby yoda is a bad bitch!” – me at brunch, having seen 0.00 episodes of the mandalorian

— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) December 1, 2019

Now that’s what I’m talking about – A+, internet!

The post These Tweets Might Just Turn Your Frown Upside down appeared first on UberFacts.

December 14, 2019

15 of the Funniest Tweets from the Past 10 Years

I really enjoy a good tweet. There’s just nothing quite like it, right?

Speaking of good tweets, here are some of the best that the 2010s had to offer.

So let’s start laughing together!

1. No moral to this story.

I came home to find that my son had installed the air conditioner in his bedroom window.

I told him, "You did a good job, but it's actually supposed to go in like this."

I then proceeded to drop his air conditioner out of the 2nd story window.

There is no moral to this story.

— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) June 3, 2018

2. No thanks, I’m good.

*someone hands me a baby*
Oh… no thank you
*places baby on the ground*

— moody monday (@mdob11) April 25, 2014

3. Very well-read.

date: my favorite book is 1984

me: oh who wrote that?

date: george orwell

me: ah yes [adjusting my glasses] the popcorn man

— Skoog (@Skoog) March 19, 2019

4. Agreed!

If I pay $40 for a haunted house I better die

— september22 (@hodgesboi15) October 12, 2013

5. I’m happy for you!

wow huge congrats to toilet pic.twitter.com/nHIpiHBd3i

— becca t (@beccateeth) July 22, 2016

6. That’s a lie.

friend: how are things?

me: things are good!

narrator: things were not good

— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) August 25, 2016

7. Take your time.

Security to aisle 7. Shoplifting in progress. There's no rush.

: https://t.co/KmDt8uRgAa pic.twitter.com/GyhBGZSZjs

— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) September 26, 2019

8. Uh oh…

When you check bae's phone and he texting a bitch named "Ariel." pic.twitter.com/QuMm1PLFua

— Lesa (@LesaMonroe) December 22, 2014

9. We’re losing, by the way.

The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) November 30, 2013

10. Keep it down.

[hiding in pantry from murderer]
[quietly tries to open bag of chips]

— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) January 8, 2015

11. Hahahaha. This is good.

at the gym i said subscription instead of membership and the girl replied with 'lol this isnt a pharmacy'. bitch thats a prescription were both stupid

— – (@59912111a) August 15, 2018

12. It’s perfect for that.

I don't know why we have three different pig emojis but it's great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching:

— mah ree nah (@marinarachael) October 9, 2016

13. That part with the rye is pretty intense.

[sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye]
"Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye."

— David Hughes (@david8hughes) June 1, 2014

14. Yeah, Carol…

"Wow 3 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know"

Me: wow 3 kids… those are pretty damn permanent CAROL

— Emily Barry (@EmiBarry) July 26, 2017

15. This is humiliating.

hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it

— chuuch (@ch000ch) October 19, 2013

What hilarious tweets do you think we missed from the past ten years!

Share your favorites with us in the comments!

The post 15 of the Funniest Tweets from the Past 10 Years appeared first on UberFacts.

December 13, 2019

15 Brutally Honest Tweets from Parents

To all the parents out there: we understand that you love your children unconditionally, but we also realize that some days feel like never-ending journeys to the bottomless pits of Hell because you’re about to lose your minds.

We’re here for you!

These tweets will make you forget about your woes for a bit and will provide you with some much-needed laughs.

You may begin!

1. All four sound wonderful.

Please choose one of the following school picture packages:
A. Meh
B. LOL
C. Wtf happened to her hair?
D. My child is a serial killer holy shit how did I not see the signs

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 12, 2019

2. Try that one out.

Oh you're into extreme sports? I just took two kids under the age of 5 grocery shopping. So, same.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 15, 2019

3. Don’t bother…

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 13, 2019

4. Great choice.

Me: *spends time picking out stuffed animals I think my daughter will love and get attached to*

My daughter: *sleeps with and carries around a lemon*

— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) November 13, 2019

5. That’s very good.

Me: What's the first rule of cooking?

4: Don't put your hands in your butt.

Me:

4:

Me: Correct.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 13, 2019

6. You never know what you’re gonna get.

Parenting is a lot like buying 4 bananas and watching them get gobbled up in one day.

Then buying 8 bananas the following week and watching them rot on your counter because 'No one likes bananas mommy.'

— Momtribevibe (@momtribevibe) November 14, 2019

7. She already figured that out.

5-year-old: I'm mad.

Me: Why?

5: I DON'T NEED A REASON.

She's living her best life.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2019

8. Winning!

Ahh, just standing here sipping my coffee, listening to the sweet sounds of my oldest two children fighting first thing in the morning while the baby tries to eat the cat food.

Hashtag blessed

— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) November 18, 2019

9. NEVER STOPS.

I’m convinced that my 6yo thinks if she stops talking for more than 30 seconds a bomb will go off like in Speed, it’s the only explanation

— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 13, 2019

10. What’s the Google?

Me: ok so what's the 411 on this game

10yo: the what

Me: you know 41…oh right. you don't know. It means information becuz we used to have to dial 411 on the phone to get someones phone # or address.

10yo: so u mean what's the google then?

Me: yes. exactly.

— Dad(snow)man Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 11, 2019

11. I’d like to know…

What’s it like when your kids listen to you the first time you say something?

No. I’m asking. What’s it like. Someone please tell me.

— Vision Bored, Sugar Plum Fairy (@VisionBored1) November 14, 2019

12. Might be a while.

I don’t know started the saying “life is short” but it definitely wasn’t a parent waiting for a child to “do it myself”

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) November 4, 2019

13. Ice cold.

My revenge plan is mainly encouraging my daughter to make lots and lots of home made crafts so that she can bring them to her schoolteacher to display in her classroom.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 8, 2019

14. Bullshit!

[walking into elementary school]

Me: Hi I'm dropping my daughter off for Kindness Club.
Teacher: Well, Kindness Club doesn't start for another 15 minutes so-
Me: THIS IS BULLSHIT
Daughter: THIS IS BULLSHIT

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 13, 2019

15. Good effort!

4-year-old: I can't find my shoes.

Me: Where did you look?

4: Nowhere.

We're off to a good start.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2019

To all the parents out there…how are you holding up…?

Come on, be honest with us…

The post 15 Brutally Honest Tweets from Parents appeared first on UberFacts.

November 28, 2019

These People Tweeted Hilarious Observations About Gender Reveal Parties

Oh boy, here we go…

People have burned down acres of land, watched an airplane crash, and literally died, all in the name of finding out whether a friend or family member’s baby will be a boy or a girl.

It’s crazy to think that, just a few decades ago, people had no idea what it was going to be until it came out – and even then, it was a fun surprise to look forward to, but not something to announce to literally anyone who is looking.

These 15 people definitely think there are better ways to spend our time and money…but the parties are decent fodder for jokes, anyway.

15. Time to up your life insurance.

FRIEND: You're invited to my baby's gender reveal party!

ME: [remembering the gender reveal forest fire, the gender reveal plane crash & the gender reveal explosions] Is that a threat?

— Roxi Horror (@roxiqt) November 9, 2019

14. It’s important that Dads be left alone to make the same repeated joke.

Once a week, my Dad calls me and asks when I’m having my gender reveal party and then laughs and hangs up.

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) July 16, 2019

13. Treat it like a bachelorette party and there had better be booze.

If you're gonna do a gender reveal party, don't play coy with colored smoke or whatever. When you blow up that cake, I expect to see a giant sign saying "IT'S A PENIS!" Showers of dicks raining down like confetti. You invited us here to celebrate genitals, Karen. You wanted this.

— James L. Sutter (@jameslsutter) November 9, 2019

12. On today’s episode of “Yes, Words Matter…”

Helpful hint: Before telling someone you're going to a "Baby Sex Party," consider using the phrase "Gender Reveal Party" instead.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) September 25, 2014

11. Kids get everything without trying.

I showed my daughters a "gender" reveal where a family used pink balloons to announce they were having a girl. What is interesting is that my kids didn't get it because boys like pink too.

"Why not just eat cake and say we're having a kid?"

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) December 22, 2017

10. We’re definitely just there for the food.

[lips on mic] no one cares about your gender reveal cupcakes ok we care about the cupcakes just not the reveal

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 22, 2017

9. Are you really sorry, though?

Sorry I crashed your gender reveal party with a bunch of gray balloons and a sign that says "No one cares about your baby's genitals!"

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 9, 2017

8. Memories that will last a lifetime, to be sure.

aaah yes the classic jello watermelon alligator snap gender reveal, who could ever get enough of these precious moments https://t.co/j1GbCuOEg3

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 28, 2018

7. You don’t hear the word ‘shindig’ enough if you ask me.

Save all that gender reveal party money and energy and just use it for a real shindig when your kid comes out of the closet.

— Sam Sanders (@samsanders) November 10, 2019

6. Because that would be something interesting to see.

Is your baby coming from an egg like one of Daenerys Targaryen's dragons? No? Then brb, gonna set your gender reveal party invite on fire.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) August 17, 2016

5. And delicious party food, you’re welcome.

[Gender reveal party]

Woman: We cut into the cake and it's not blue or pink it's just filled with pizza

Me: you're having an Italian

— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) July 30, 2017

4. Imagine that!

We smash open the piñata at the gender reveal party and dozens of moray eels flop out onto the ground. The guests howl. BECAUSE MORAY EELS CAN CHANGE THEIR GENDER, I explain

— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) October 2, 2018

3. If it quacks…

What is the point of gender reveal parties

Does it ever end with someone saying, "I'm shocked, I really thought it was going to be a duck."

— Scaachi (@Scaachi) November 20, 2014

2. If it’s not too much to ask…

I'm hopeful that the end of likes on Instagram will end this dumb ass gender reveal bullshit.

— Busy Philipps (@BusyPhilipps) November 9, 2019

1. These people did not mean to get famous this way.

when you sad but you actually accidentally invented the only gender reveal moment worth doing pic.twitter.com/Z0PgBkqeHq

— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) November 11, 2016

I’ll take the ultrasounds for diagnostic purposes but it would be awesome if doctors would just put a stop to all of this nonsense by refusing to hand over the gender before birth.

If you can read an ultrasound, you can find out. Otherwise – wait until the day to unwrap your present, Kaitlyn!

The post These People Tweeted Hilarious Observations About Gender Reveal Parties appeared first on UberFacts.

November 26, 2019

Here Are Some Really Funny Tweets from the Ladies

This is not a surprise to some folks out there, but there are a TON of funny women on Twitter. And they routinely rip it up on Twitter with their hilarious jokes, as you are about to witness shortly.

Be prepared to laugh, cry, and then laugh all over again, okay?

Go!

1. You know, the normal stuff.

No offense but I was raised to “take care” of my husband. Wash his clothes, clean the house, construct fake diaries insinuating he wanted to hurt me, elaborately fake my own death and frame him for murder

— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) June 13, 2019

2. A totally new situation.

Caved and did 23 and me. It said I am Anastasia the lost Romanov princess. Anyone know who I can talk to about this? New situation for me.

— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) June 14, 2019

3. Don’t do it!

Big Little Lies is so good it makes me wanna forgive the people I nannied for

— Bron.com (@brondotcomputer) June 11, 2019

4. That’s all it takes.

I will dress really cool if someone gives me the cool clothes to dress in.

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) June 14, 2019

5. Why do you think I’m on here?

Sometimes people ask me if I’m worried the guys I’ve slept with will see that I’ve tweeted about them, which is an insane question, because literally WHY do you think I’m doing it

— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) June 14, 2019

6. Let’s redistribute that.

maybe more Bernie enthusiasts would embrace Warren if we told them feminism isn't about empowering women, but about redistributing sexism

— Pamela Ross (@PamNotAnderson) June 11, 2019

7. There are quite a few out there…

billie eilish is just one of thousands if not millions of 17 year olds I am afraid of

— not a chill girl (@notchillgirl) June 12, 2019

8. It is kind of out of control.

Hey @cvspharmacy our planet is dying maybe your receipts don’t need to be taller than my friend pic.twitter.com/lCjP3c6gKn

— SydSteinberg (@thesteinberglar) June 12, 2019

9. This is so good.

my ex was conservative but watched a lot of porn. He believed sex was a sacred union between a man and his step-mom

— defne gencler (@omgitsdef) June 13, 2019

10. That’s quite a counterpoint.

Point: I am smart
Counterpoint: I just got full-body chills from silently reading this part of the lyrics to “Under The Sea” pic.twitter.com/pueyvAFXbN

— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) June 13, 2019

11. Sounds like a win/win.

My kink? A crushing fear of being by myself but also never fully being present when around people

— Alex Song (@alexsnog) June 13, 2019

12. Which one do you prefer?

Your kids:
– No jobs
– No money
– Live in your shitty house

My Sims:
– Astronauts
– Rich in Simoleons
– Live in mansions
– I'm sad

— Liz Galvao (@lizgalvao) June 12, 2019

13. Sounds like a plan!

I am a millennial and I buy coffee because my retirement is already fully planned: I will be a traveling jester in the feudal post-global warming remnants of society. My IRA is composed entirely of memorized viral tweets.

— Gwen (@msgwenl) June 11, 2019

14. They’re OBSESSED.

When people are like, "It's weird that you talk to your parents so much," I'm like okay yeah like I'm not going to talk to two people who are literally obsessed with me

— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) June 12, 2019

15. Hopefully, this does not come true.

august 25, 2021

dear diary,

all the celebrities' children have succumbed to polio. at first it appeared to be a welcome respite but now they are growing vengeful at the vaccinated middle-class

— ?????? ?????? (@333333333433333) June 13, 2019

Like I said, hilarious women. No doubt about that.

The post Here Are Some Really Funny Tweets from the Ladies appeared first on UberFacts.