Category: children

Posted on

People Share the Hilarious Things That Were Blurted Out When Children Were Born

For a lot of people, there’s nothing more natural or terrifying than childbirth. Is the baby going to come out alright? Is the mom gonna make it? Will the dad pass out or not?

And when it comes to this Ask Reddit thread… nothing was held back. And I mean… nothing.

Doctors, nurses who deliver babies, what are some strange/funny things people have screamed while giving birth? from AskReddit

From surprise genders to raptor babies to some REALLY inappropriate things… these stories have got it all!

Let’s take a look.

1. Surprises abound!

My dad has told me they thought I was a girl all the way up to birth.

I came out as a c-section and the doctor goes “huh, this ones got extra equipment.”

2. Once you get there…

I am not an obgyn but I was questioning a patient in the ER about some other health problem, she wasn’t carrying at that time. When I got to the part about the gynecological history I asked how many kids did she have and how were they born. She had two kids and were both born with C-section. I should clarify that this was in Spain and the patient was gypsy, now gypsies are not usually well educated and women often marry young and don’t finish school, they also talk weird.

Now, the lady told me she had 2 kids and 2 c-sections and I asked her why she had to deliver by c-section she said because the first kid was a “come coño”.

Well, this can be translated as “p*ssy eater.” This lady was convinced that her first child was going to eat her pussy and had to be taken out before he did.

You can imagine my surprise.

At first I didn’t understand and left the room after the questioning still puzzled. I went and started digging in her file and found out that the c-section had to be done because after she broke water the doctors noticed the amniotic fluid was filled with baby sh*t, usually when a baby shits in-utero, it is a sign that the baby is suffering and has to come out quick, that was why she had a c-section. Now here is why it is funny:

  1. In-utero baby shit is called meconio.
  2. The doctors probably told this lady that she had to get a c-section because the baby comes with meconio
  3. Comes with meconio = “viene con meconio” in spanish.
  4. “Viene con meconio” sounds a lot like “viene comecoño” (p*ssy eater)
  5. Imagine being told your whole life that your mom had to get a c-section because you were going to eat her p*ssy when you actually almost died at childbirth.

I know it must not be that funny in English but I did my best translating it and hope some of you see how funny it was for me.

3. Well, that happened!

One lady was too posh to swear when in pain from contractions, she just said “jeepers creepers.”

4. Haha… can you imagine??

When I was born, my dad didn’t know that babies are usually born face down.

And as I was coming out he screams “OH MY GOD SHE DOESN’T HAVE A FACE.”

5. Let’s go higher!

I was high on meds at the time, I was begging for BBQ ribs in between contractions.

“C’mon, honey! The nurses will never know!”

They were standing right there.

6. Oh snap… that’s hilarious

Apparently, when my aunt was giving birth, she was all jokes.

Very angry jokes, but jokes none-the-less.

KNOCK-KNOCK! WHO’S THERE?! THE BABY! NOT YET!

7. Dino baby!

Not a doctor, but a father.

When my first child was born his head was kind of misshapen, and when the doctor lifted him up to show my wife she yelled “why the f*ck does he look like a raptor?”

I lost it.

8. Perfect timing

EMT who did a birth on the side of the road.

Woman shouted “f*ck me!” during a contraction and the husband casually replied “that’s how we got into this mess, dammit!”.

I had a very hard time containing myself.

9. Nope! Time to go!

Patient fully dilated, started pushing, then changed her mind. “I don’t wanna do this, I’m going the f*ck home.”

And then tried to get off the table.

10. Haha… gurl…

When my sister was in labor, she was screaming and our mom was trying to be comforting:

“It’ll be OK. Take some deep breaths. It’ll be over soon.”

Then my sister looks up at our mom and says “You have no idea what this is like.”

11. It’s not a tumor!

Paramedic here: Delivered a baby for a lady who did not realize she was pregnant and called us for ‘abdominal pain’

Patient: ‘You are an idiot! I am not f*cking pregnant’

Me: ‘Well, I can see a head crowning’

Patient: That must be a f*cking tumor!

The tumor was a healthy baby girl. Mom was totally sweet afterwards btw.

12. Bad timing…

My roommate and I just finished our labor and delivery rotation in July.

During one of the births she was helping out in, the mom and the dad were separated but still good friends. So while this woman is pushing out her baby she begins to half tell/half scream that my roommate should date her ex/the baby daddy. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: You should really….(screams in pain)….go out with….(Screams again) him sometime. He’s really fun.

Dad: I wouldn’t mind some drinks sometime, what are you doing this evening?

No, she did not go out with him.

13. Is that even possible?

I’m white, Irish ancestry so I had red hair when I was a child, and my wife is black.

Her sister was also in the delivery room. When the baby crowned her sister told her she could see the baby’s hair. My wife who can barely breathe blurted out, “The hair isn’t red is it?!”

Apparently she was terrified the baby would be black with red hair.

14. She’ll never live that down

My mothers labour was extremely short, I was born within an hour. So that means that she went from experiencing minimal pain, to extreme pain with little time to adjust.

When my dad was driving her to the hospital, he unfortunately had to stop for gas. He went into pay, and just then an elderly man in a wheelchair stopped him, asking him to buy cigarettes for him as the store was not wheelchair accessible.

My mom then proceeded to lean out the window, yelling “DON’T HELP THE CRIPPLE.”

We have never let her forget that one.

15. Get the tongs!

When my brother was born, they had to use forceps to get him out.

My mom saw them and screamed “THOSE ARE SALAD TONGS! YOU ARE NOT PUTTING ANY GODD*MN KITCHENWARE IN THERE!”

I am seriously crying laughing. The things people say at their most vulnerable are comedic gold, right?

Do you have a story as crazy/silly as this? Let us know in the comments!

The post People Share the Hilarious Things That Were Blurted Out When Children Were Born appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

People Talk About the Harmless Things That Scared Them as Children

It’s true…I was a pretty scared kid.

And one of the things that REALLY terrified me was the dentist. I dreaded when my Mom told me I’d be going to the dentist the following week. That meant a whole week of not sleeping, worrying, and having nightmares about that appointment.

I don’t know when things changed, but now I love going to the dentist! You get those pearly whites cleaned and walk out there feeling like a million bucks!

So, basically, I eventually realized it was harmless.

Let’s dig into these stories from AskReddit users about things that scared them when they were kids.

1. Sharks!

“Sharks in the swimming pool.

Could be 3 feet deep and I was still terrified Jaws was just gonna leave only my trunks floating in the water.”

2. Run for it!

“Turn off the lights to the basement and then running up the stairs.”

3. Me, too.

“The concept of eternity.

I was raised Christian and was terrified of the idea of spending forever in either heaven or hell.

Forever sounded scary.”

4. Creepy…

“I know this sounds odd, but water heaters, boiler tanks, etc. in cellars and basements. I have no idea why.

They looked like monsters to me when I was little.”

5. Hahaha.

“Mascots!

Like the people that dress up in those costumes that are fuzzy and have giant heads? TERRIFIED me. Literally I would crawl up my dad and bawl my eyes out.

One time at an amusement park a guy dressed up as yogi bear kept coming towards me despite my terrified screams, and my dad almost had to kick yogi bears *ss. True story.

I’m 25 and they still spook me. I keep my distance…”

6. Too many horror flicks.

“Could not sleep with my closet door open.

I saw way too many movies with scary things in the closet, so I figured a shut door guaranteed my safety.

I was a weird kid.”

7. Biggest fears.

“My three biggest fears as a small child:

  • Leaves. One came down out of a tree and hit me in the face when I was 3, and freaked me out.
  • “Heat Monsters”. My parents house had electric heat and the radiators would make these weird crackling sounds that I thought were monsters in the heater
  • E.T. F*ck E.T. and his stupid glowing finger and stretchy neck. I was especially frightened by white E.T. when he was dying.”

8. Logos.

“The Pep Boys logo.

Or really any mascot that included a stylized person with glasses but no eyes to be found behind the glasses.

Freaked me tf out!”

9. Snipers.

“As a kid, I was afraid of a sniper shooting me through the window.

I was afraid they would be able to see me through the gap on the window shade that allowed a thin band of sunlight into my room during the day.

I used to tape my window shades to the sides of the actual window to close the crack.”

10. Same here.

“Getting on and off escalators.

I thought I’d slip getting on and scrape myself on the edge and need stitches.

Or get my shoelace stuck at the bottom and trip and need stitches.

Also, stitches.”

11. Just couldn’t do it.

“Talking to adults, especially cashiers.
I begged my mom for ice cream once when I was about 6, sitting at McDonalds. She said Sure! I got all excited. Then she handed me a $5 bill and told me to go get it. I think that was my first ever panic attack.

My heart started racing like a hamster on crack and I just kinda sank back into my seat and said “actually never mind I dont want ice cream anymore””

12. That’s strange…

“Ladybugs.

Instead of the monster under the bed, I thought that a million ladybugs would come out from under my bed in a wave when I came back from the bathroom at night.

I also thought they would crawl up the wall my bed was against unless I was looking at it.”

13. Slimmy little creatures.

“Slugs – still am terrified.

Poor things, they are the most “minding my own business” “harming no one” creatures that decorate the streets with their squished guts and it made me so sad seeing it. but they still terrify me.

I’d find them just chilling in bathroom n I’d need to scream for my dad so he can gently pick them up and put them in the garden.”

14. Don’t look at it!

“The moon.

I watched the Thriller video and was convinced that staring up at a full moon would turn me into a werewolf.”

15. I remember those things.

“The rubber chicken that had an egg in water when you squeezed it.

I always thought it would hatch one day and the baby chicken would eat me so I took it outside and tied it to the garage door.

Crazy times.”

What scared you as a kid? Talk to us in the comments!

We’d love to hear from you!

The post People Talk About the Harmless Things That Scared Them as Children appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Parenting Tweets for All the Moms and Dads Out There Who Need a Break

Hey, moms and dads, how are you doing?

Does this never-ending lockdown and the learning-from-home thing have you at the end of your rope? Or are you dealing with it just fine?

Either way you look at it, parenting is a tough gig and moms and dads all over the place know that those little angels have a tendency to drive you up the wall…even when they put on their sweetest face.

Parents, we have a feeling that these tweets will look very familiar to you…let’s take a look.

1. Let’s stop playing the Guessing Game.

At least for a few hours, please?

2. It’s like Maximum Overdrive.

The machines are rising up against us!

3. He’s catching on really fast.

You’re doing a great job!

4. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Smart kid, right there.

5. It’s not working.

Time to figure out a new technique.

6. What a cute name!

This is why you don’t let kids name ANYTHING.

7. Things are about to get LOUD.

You need to stop this before it starts.

8. It’s all going in there, baby!

It really doesn’t matter anymore.

9. It’s way too early to deal with you.

Come back in a few hours.

10. That sounds awesome!

Aren’t you having a blast?!?!

11. We are all this baby right now.

Oh, what a year it’s been…

12. A creepy whisper.

Just give him what he wants.

13. What kind of sandwich, though?

That makes all the difference.

Okay, moms and dads, now we want to hear from you. Yeah, you!

In the comments, please tell us how it’s going in your household right now.

Are your kids driving you nuts or are you currently involved in an uneasy truce?

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post Parenting Tweets for All the Moms and Dads Out There Who Need a Break appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Kids Like to Ask Funny Questions and Here’s the Proof

If you spend a lot of time around young kids, you quickly realize that their brains work in a totally different way than ours do.

BUT, you also realize that YOU were once the same way back in the day. You asked funny, weird, uncomfortable, and downright strange questions that made adults squirm and scratch their heads.

Hey, all kids do it and now, thanks to social media, we get to read about what weird questions other adults hear on a regular basis from the kiddos around them.

Here are some hilarious examples.

1. That might not taste very good.

But why not give it a shot?!?!

2. Oh boy…let’s have a talk.

OutKast is alive and well.

3. Oh…now it makes sense.

That one took me a minute.

4. She’ll be headed to Harvard on a full scholarship.

 

5. You were being set up!

Good thing you didn’t fall into that trap.

6. No more of that.

He’s banned from picking music for the rest of his life.

7. Well, that takes all the fun out of it.

They depend on you for everything.

8. Almost. But not quite yet.

They sure have it all together!

9. That is depressing.

But a fair question…

10. I can’t handle this right now.

Go watch TV and we’ll talk about it later.

11. You should NOT have asked that question!

And now you are no longer a part of this family.

12. Sort of like littering…

But a little more scandalous.

13. This is just me.

Take it all in…

Now we want to hear from you!

What kind of hilarious and ridiculous things do your kids say to you?

Tell us all about it in the comments. Thanks!

The post Kids Like to Ask Funny Questions and Here’s the Proof appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Funny Tweets About the Questions That Kids Like to Ask

Kids sure do say the darndest things, right?

Of course, they do! And you know it!

Their inquisitive little minds never stop working and if you happen to be in their presence, whether you’re their parent or not, you’re going to get an earful of funny, random, and bizarre questions.

Let’s see what these kids had to say…enjoy.

1. Those were the days…

You kids really missed out!

2. One of life’s many mysteries.

And she sounds absolutely adorable.

3. Daddy has no freedom anymore.

And part of the reason is YOU.

4. I’d say she’s on the right track.

Keep dreaming, little one.

5. Now you’re getting scared…

Why do you ask…?

6. Have you not seen the “Shadow People.”

They’re out there…

7. That’s not good!

Time to put him in his place.

8. I don’t know if there’s a good answer for that.

You might need to think about that for a while…

9. Oh…sorry about that.

Well, sorry, I misunderstood. No need to get nasty.

10. Son, let me tell you a story.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

11. Now we’re all getting creeped out.

Care to explain what’s going on here?

12. Oh…another major misunderstanding.

Next time, get it in writing.

13. Always lie. That’s the lesson here.

They’ll learn this stuff later. When they turn 25.

14. Straight to Hell.

That tooth is cursed!

Do your kids like to say totally weird and hilarious things to you?

What kind of funny questions do they ask?

Talk to us in the comments! Thanks!

The post Funny Tweets About the Questions That Kids Like to Ask appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Hilarious Posts About the Many Joys of Having Kids or Something Like That

Have kids, they said…it’ll be fun, they said…were they right, though?

Well, here we are, parents, and what do you have to say for yourselves NOW?

Are you having fun? We kid, we kid…we know your kiddos are the light of your life, but still…you have to admit that they tend to drive you insane.

Especially during this pandemic when we’re all forced to be on top of each other 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Am I right, or am I right?

I think I’m right.

So why don’t you take a much-needed break, go to a quiet place, and enjoy these memes before the madness starts all over again…because we all know that it’s coming.

1. They’re not great at it.

Learn to hide better! Jeez!

Photo Credit: The Chive

2. This is who I am.

Deal with it!

Photo Credit: The Chive

3. That was incredible!

How did you do that?!?!

Photo Credit: The Chive

4. This is gonna be ugly.

Ummmm, where do I start?

Photo Credit: The Chive

5. What are you doing in here?

This room is now off limits!

Photo Credit: The Chive

6. Can I have a little space, please?

In other words, out of my face!

Photo Credit: The Chive

7. Not gonna happen!

It’s going to be a very long day.

Photo Credit: The Chive

8. Are you sure about that?

Your body language is telling me otherwise.

Photo Credit: The Chive

9. Thanks a lot, Grandma.

Now they’ll be up for three days straight.

Photo Credit: The Chive

10. I guess I’ll sleep on the floor…

You don’t have a choice.

Photo Credit: The Chive

11. Laying out their case.

Ain’t that the truth?

Photo Credit: The Chive

12. Don’t do this!

Under any circumstances!

Photo Credit: The Chive

13. Take your time…

What’s taking you so long!

Photo Credit: The Chive

14. It might be a while.

So don’t hold your breath.

Photo Credit: The Chive

Now it’s your turn.

Have your kids been driving you crazy lately? What have they been doing to get on your last nerve?

Talk to us in the comments!

The post Hilarious Posts About the Many Joys of Having Kids or Something Like That appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Hilarious Tweets From Parents Who Just Needed to Vent a Little Bit

This sure is a tough time, isn’t it, moms and dads?

You’re stuck at home with the kids. Remote learning is taking up all of your time. The young ones can’t see their friends, so it’s up to you to keep them entertained…and the list goes on and on…

So that’s why it’s important to take to Twitter sometimes so you can vent about your kids or at least provide your fellow parents with some comedy relief…and I have a feeling that they’re really glad it’s not happening ot them…

Enjoy these funny parenting tweets while you have a few minutes of alone time!

1. This is very smart.

I gotta say, I’m impressed.

2. But those are the only things.

Otherwise, I’d be doing it.

3. Take it or leave it.

What do you want from me?

4. Maybe next week?

Don’t ask me that again!

5. No, don’t worry about it?

Just let it go.

6. Let’s go back to your original question.

In other words, let’s talk about death.

7. Thank you for that.

Very sanitary, don’t you think?

8. Might be time for therapy.

There’s a lot going on here…

9. That IS really cute!

How adorable is this kid?!?!

10. Life not imitating art.

That’s too bad.

11. I didn’t do anything…

You’ll get yours soon enough…

12. You did what you had to do.

 

Okay, parents, now we want to hear from you.

In the comments, please tell us how it’s going in your household with your kids right now.

We can’t wait to hear from all of you out there!

The post Hilarious Tweets From Parents Who Just Needed to Vent a Little Bit appeared first on UberFacts.