Category: children

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Teachers Share the Most Hilarious Things Their Students Have Ever Said

Let’s take a trip down memory lane.

This one goes out to the teachers.

Throughout the school day, all teachers hope to impart wisdom into the next generation. But beyond math equations and reading groups, teachers get to experience the hilarity of what kids say.

u/moosepajamas asked Reddit:

“Teachers of Reddit, what is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a student say?”

And the forum dropped a few outrageous quotes!

10. Bathroom break time? Nope.

“One of my pre-kindergarteners was squirming as we lined up for lunch. I asked him if he needed to go to the bathroom, and he said no, but kept squirming.

So I asked if he was sure, and he said, ‘I’m OK — it’s just that my penis is so big.’ He had an erection.”

– odzilla79

9. Compliment or insult?

“I wore a Captain America shirt to school for ‘Super Hero Day,’ and one of my students said I looked like Captain America before the injections.”

– umero1uno

8. A wise child once said…

“One of my 7th graders asked me where babies come from, and another student replied, ‘Well, when a Mommy and Daddy love each other very much…they get a bottle of scotch and a cheap motel room.”

– Reddituser

7. The kid’s got a point!

“I heard a student say, ‘I thought Astronomy would be easy because I know all about it, but he hasn’t even brought up horoscopes yet, and we’re 6 weeks in!’”

– chrisrayn

6. Burn!

“I’m a math professor, and I had just finished a proof when I asked my students, ‘Does everyone understand my choices?’

One of my favorite students piped up and asked, ‘Are we talking about your proof or how you’ve chosen to live your life?’”

– ColdStainlessNail

5. How did she know it’s salty?

“I was teaching a lesson on whales in my high school science class, and had just mentioned the sperm whale when a girl asked, ‘Is that why the ocean is so salty?’”

– Deadsolidperfect

4. Speech impediments make for funny moments

Taught ESL for a year. Had an adorable 6-year old who could not say clock. We worked for weeks at it with her, she just could not say it.

“Poppy, what time is it?” “Its 6 o’cock!”

I couldn’t help but laugh every time.”

– gaters_gat

3. Ouch

“One of my students was hugging me goodbye when they took a deep inhale, smiled up at me lovingly, and said, ‘Your shirt smells like a grandma, but your armpits smell like Chuck E. Cheese.’”

– WalterWhitesHairLine

2. Jesus…

“I teach elementary band, and once we were preparing for a playing test when one student said, ‘Man, I need to practice.’

Without missing a beat, the kid next to him said, ‘My mom says I need Jesus.’”

– moosepajamas

1. Good point

“One of my students once asked me, ‘If a synchronized swimmer starts drowning, do they all start drowning?’

I lost it in class.”

– bunsenbernerr

At least teachers get a touch of humor while they work!

Tell us your funniest kid moment in the comments! Even if you’ve ever been a teacher, we know you’ve heard one. 😉

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This Is How to Win Monopoly, According to the Experts

These little tidbits of advice on how to win got me running to pass go and collect my $200!

The game of cutthroat business was invented in 1906 by American anti-monopolist Lizzie Magie (ironic, the way the game has come to be viewed) and was later licensed by Parker Brothers in 1936. It’s a game of control, winning properties and building hotels to win millions and send your competition into bankruptcy.

Exciting, right?

Maybe not for some. But for those of you who want to learn a little strategy to take down your family champion, keep reading.

 

Buy up every property you land on

When you start hopping around the board, you should buy up any properties you land on. This strategy does work. Trust me, I still have bragging rights in my home as the monopoly champion! But you don’t have to take my word for it: here’s what Flynn Zaiger, who is the founder of the Tulane University Board Games Club, confirms.

“From the start of the game, it’s a good idea to buy as much as possible,” Zaiger told Reader’s Digest. “Unlike real life, in Monopoly, it’s rarely good to save. You don’t earn any interest from the money you have, whereas property you purchase will always have a chance to be bringing in dollars.”

The reason for this is to amass as many properties as possible to start building houses – that’s when the money starts rolling in.

Know which properties are the best, and should never be passed up.

Think like how real-life real estate investors think. They buy property in places that will most likely be seen and shopped at by consumers. In Monopoly, it’s the same. Focus on orange properties like New York Avenue and St. James Place and the red ones, such as Kentucky and Indiana Avenue. In fact, all “corner” properties are special.

“Statistically speaking, the most common spaces on the board to land on are those between Jail and Free Parking, and Free Parking [and] Go to Jail,” Zaiger explains. “When given a chance, trade/build on those five monopolies: light blue, pink, orange, red, and yellow.

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Road Trip

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Only buy houses. Forget the hotels.

I always liked the aesthetic of the little red buildings. It made me feel like the Queen of Boardwalk. But did you know there are only 32 houses available to play with? And this is intentional.

Dary Merckens, who is the CTO of Gunner Technology and huge fan of the iconic board game says,

“Once those 32 houses run out, nobody can build any more houses on any of their properties. You want to be building houses right away, and if you ever get a monopoly, throw three houses on that sucker as fast as you can. You want to exhaust the supply of houses available.”

OMG! I can’t believe I didn’t know this! You can really put the other players in a pickle by not giving up your houses. According to Zaiger:

“The first player to get a monopoly on the board has the best chance at bankrupting their opponents before they can do the same to you. Building houses is essential to taking down the competition. Even if you don’t have a lot of money remaining, you should do everything you can, including trading and mortgaging, to get up to at least three houses on a property.”

Learning about the right investments while playing is important. Back to Merckens:

“Your primary goal should be to have all the houses on all of your properties, which effectively stops your competitors from building any houses on any of theirs.”

Other awesome tips

Buy railroads! It’s easy passive income when players land on it. The more railroads you own, the higher the rent. It starts at $25 for one railroad up to $200 if you own all four.

And if you end up in jail at the end of the game? It may not be worth leaving.

“Towards the end of the game, don’t be afraid to hang out in Jail,” Merckens says. “It might be the safest place to be and your competitors might go bankrupt while you’re chilling in prison.”

There you have it!

These secret weapons are the best in your arsenal when playing in any high-stakes game. Get out and win!

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15 Funny Tweets from Parents Who Are Hanging on by a Thread

Parents: we support you 100%. Well, maybe not that much, but we sure appreciate your struggles and headaches.

We know some of you are barely hanging by a thread, and we’ve totally got your backs! Well, maybe not your backs. Your knees or something.

Bottom line: we’re in your corner.

Just look at these tweets.

1. That’s how it is.

2. Thanks, that’s a big help.

3. Peak and off peak.

4. Don’t ever say that.

5. Still learning the ropes.

6. Not this time…

7. Figure that one out.

8. That’s my boy!

9. Wrong cup, moron!

10. All of the above.

11. Doesn’t work that way.

12. They clearly prefer mommy.

13. They’ll never find me here.

14. A whole different level.

15. Perfect little angels, aren’t they?

Hang in there, moms and dads! You’re doing just fine!

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15 Funny Tweets from Parents Who Are Hanging on by a Thread

Parents: we support you 100%. Well, maybe not that much, but we sure appreciate your struggles and headaches.

We know some of you are barely hanging by a thread, and we’ve totally got your backs! Well, maybe not your backs. Your knees or something.

Bottom line: we’re in your corner.

Just look at these tweets.

1. That’s how it is.

2. Thanks, that’s a big help.

3. Peak and off peak.

4. Don’t ever say that.

5. Still learning the ropes.

6. Not this time…

7. Figure that one out.

8. That’s my boy!

9. Wrong cup, moron!

10. All of the above.

11. Doesn’t work that way.

12. They clearly prefer mommy.

13. They’ll never find me here.

14. A whole different level.

15. Perfect little angels, aren’t they?

Hang in there, moms and dads! You’re doing just fine!

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Parents Tweeted the Truth About Sex After Kids and It Is Pretty Funny

Hang on tight for this one.

I’m not married and I don’t have kids, but I have ears, people. I listen to the conversations of my married friends, and I know what’s going on (sort of).

And I know that the nookie takes a nosedive after those adorable little angels become a part of the family.

Which is why these texts from parents are hilarious and right on the money.

Enjoy.

1. Please don’t come in here.

2. You’re DEFINITELY a parent.

3. No winners here.

4. See you later.

5. That’s very hot.

6. Makes it kinda fun? Maybe?

7. That’s the way it goes.

8. Fast! No, faster!

9. That should do the trick.

10. You just have to deal with it.

11. It’s totally worth it.

12. Might not be a great idea.

13. What are you doing with your time?

14. Should we just go to bed?

15. It’s over. Forever.

Hey, it’s not all bad, is it?

Parents, weigh in on this matter and give the folks who wrote these tweets (and other parents out there) some good advice about gettin’ it on!

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Mattel Has Launched a Gender-Neutral Doll Collection

Long gone are the days when a child’s only options were the standard Barbie and Ken. And dolls got even more inclusive recently when Mattel, the company that makes Barbies, launched a gender-neutral doll collection.

This new line of toys from Mattel is meant to erase existing preconceived notions about what gender means and how it is ingrained into us from a very young age. Kim Culmone, the Senior Vice President of Mattel Fashion Doll Design said, “Toys are a reflection of culture and as the world continues to celebrate the positive impact of inclusivity, we felt it was time to create a doll line free of labels.” The line is called Creatable World.

Creatable World

In our world, dolls are as limitless as the kids who play with them. Introducing #CreatableWorld, a doll line designed to keep labels out and invite everyone in. #AllWelcomeShop now: http://bit.ly/CWMattel

Posted by Mattel on Tuesday, September 24, 2019

First off, the dolls come in a variety of skin colors. They can be styled with a variety of hairstyles, different clothes, and accessories such as sunglasses. TIME magazine noted that the “lips are not too full, the eyelashes not too long and fluttery, the jaw not too wide. There are no Barbie-like breasts or broad, Ken-like shoulders.”

In recent years, millennial parents have voiced their grievances about gender stereotypes in toys, and it seems like big companies such as Mattel are listening. The new, gender-neutral dolls are 11″ tall and they sell for $29.99 each. The official slogan for the new product is “A doll line designed to keep labels out and invite everyone in.”

It will be interesting to see how these products are received by the public and if other companies will follow Mattel’s lead. Stay tuned.

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A Study Showed That Older Parents Still Lose Sleep over Their Adult Children

I’ve wondered if my parents still do this, even though all five of the kids they raised are grown up and out of the house.

And now I have an answer.

A study published in The Gerontologist Journal shows many older parents worry about their adult children as much as they did when they were raising them as youngsters.

It also found that there was a correlation between sleep quality and parents worrying about their adult children.

It makes sense when you think about it: when kids are raised by their parents, mom and dad are always home and around the children. It’s when the kids leave the house to go out into the world for college or a job that mothers and fathers begin to experience more worry and stress due to uncertainty and not being in close proximity to their sons and daughters at all times.

Amber J. Seidel of Penn State York, the leader of the study, said:

“I feel that many share this value, yet I think much of the socialization in our culture focuses on the family when children are younger. I seek to study topics that help us understand how family continues to be a central part of our lives throughout adulthood, and I encourage considering family-level influences in all situations.”

The study is obviously more reflective of parents in the West and in Europe, as it is more common for children to live with their parents longer in the East. In the U.S. and Europe, children are pushed toward independence at a younger age.

Seidel ended the study by encouraging parents to consider the type of relationships they have with their adult children because the level of involvement they have with their kids and how much support they offer them affects parents’ sleep cycles. The questions Seidel thinks parents should ask themselves include, ‘Are you enabling your child by rewarding lazy or destructive behaviors?’, ‘Are you trying to control your child in any way?’, ‘Or are you simply letting your adult child live their life while providing unconditional support?’

Asking and contemplating these questions can lead to a more transparent relationship between parents and adult children.

Hey, adults who are out of the house, your parents are most likely worried about you and wondering what you’re up to, so check in once in a while.

Call your mother.

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15 Funny Tweets About Raising Kids

Aren’t kids just precious? Well, at least some of the time they are. Other times? Maybe not so much…

Parenthood is a constant tug-of-war with the little humans you’ve brought into the world, and, if you have kids, you know that there is a lot of hilarity involved on a day-to-day basis.

And here are 15 perfect examples.

1. Totally over EVERYTHING.

2. Doesn’t want to hear it anymore.

3. Got it, see you tomorrow.

4. Zing! She showed you.

5. Yes, it is kind of like that.

6. Cherish these wonderful memories.

7. I can’t keep track of all that.

8. It’s gonna get ugly.

9. He’ll learn about that later.

10. Write everything down just in case.

11. Not a fan of the rotten grapes.

12. That kid is speaking for all of us.

13. Right….evacuate…that’s what you said, right?

14. Not a fan of your singing, apparently.

15. Isn’t that just so sweet?

Ahhhh, adorable little monsters angels, aren’t they? What a joy!

Share your own stories of your funny kids in the comments below!

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13 Times People Without Kids Posted Hilarious Memes

Hang on…this is sure to spark some debate.

Are you a person without ANY children? Well then… hello. You must be well rested and have plenty of money.

For those who DO have kids and are here to relive those glory days of not being responsible for another human being who clings to you until they don’t need you… HEY! Remember all these things and how awesome they were?

Okay, we kid… kind of. But here are 13 times when the childless among us won big time.

1. Ahhhhh… sleep, glorious sleep!

Photo Credit: Someecards

2. I am responsible for MYSELF, thank you very much!

Photo Credit: Someecards

3. Yeah, and baby otters grow up to be adult otters, which are almost as cute.

Photo Credit: Someecards

4. This is what vacation is for… and grandparents…

Photo Credit: Someecards

5.  You tell ’em Sarah!

Photo Credit: Someecards

6. These are legit kids. Don’t @ me!

Photo Credit: Someecards

7. Responsibility tsunami!

Photo Credit: Someecards

8. Oh yes… this is me. Always. And forever.

Photo Credit: Someecards

9. Yeah, who cares about a pic of a kid? Let’s see those doggos!

Photo Credit: Someecards

10. You know, he’s got a point!

Photo Credit: Someecards

11. Morgan, you’re my new hero. Thank you for this insight!

Photo Credit: Someecards

12. Cats are kids. Don’t @ me.

Photo Credit: Someecards

13. Ahhhh… sweet, delicious, peaceful, serene silence!

Photo Credit: Someecards

So, how do you feel now? Want kids? No???? That’s crazy. I would have thought you’d want them after all!

Well, I guess we can always share our thoughts in the comments, yeah? So do that!

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