The great Grouch Marx once said, “Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.” If you don’t get it at first go back and read it a few more times. It’s a delightfully confusing quote about time that keeps rolling through my head in an era when nobody, including me, seems to have any idea where we are chronologically, ever.
At least the people on Twitter are being funny about it. Here’s 14 examples of tweets about how we’re all sort of lost in the wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey stuff.
14. The 8 Commandments
Yeah I think I remember these from The Bible.
How we quarantine:
– forget what day it is
– charger handy for all iPads 24/7
– wash hair SPARINGLY
– eat all day so you never have to cook a meal
– drink a LOT of clear liquids, vodka counts
– sleep. A lot.
– cry. Also a lot.
– FaceTime friends & see your double chin in action— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) April 17, 2020
13. Days’d and confused
If my phone breaks I think I’ll actually lose my soul.
it's that time again! time to look at my phone to figure out what day of the week it is
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) April 18, 2020
12. A Planner Darkly
Failing to plan is planning to fail.
I got a new planner because I choose to live in a world (denial) where writing shit down in a calendar provides the precious illusion that I am in control of my life, of time, and of absolutely everything, thank you.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) April 20, 2020
11. Thank God it’s whatever
We can start drinking even earlier! Or later? I don’t know how it works now.
FRIDAY NIGHT Y’ALL!!! Which basically means nothing now.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 28, 2020
10. The days are years
We need a whole new set of idioms.
Whoever said, "the days are long but the years are short" did not know about 2020.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) March 22, 2020
9. Time is relative
It’s always now.
Clock: 2:01 PM
Me: OHMYGOD THIS DAY IS DRAGGING.[3 hours later]
Me: [looks at clock]
Clock: 2:02 PM— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 17, 2020
8. Public service announcement
Quit trying to take Rebecca Black’s job, she has this ONE THING.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but today is Friday.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) March 21, 2020
7. It slows
I don’t know what “take your time” even means anymore.
2020 so far:
January – 31 days but felt like three months
February – 29 days but felt like 10 minutes
March – somehow not over yet but has literally been 76 years long— Betches (@betchesluvthis) March 30, 2020
6. Eternal matrimony
For as long as you both shall live.
Remember when 10 years of marriage seemed like a long time?
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) April 10, 2020
5. Hot take
Whoa there buddy, I’m on Twitter to have a good time.
Not to get political or anything but it's Thursday
— henchbeaver (@henchbeaver) April 23, 2020
4. I hate Mondays
I wonder how Garfield feels about this latest revelation.
mondays? an illusion. time is now divided into two categories: Laugh at Meme and Cry at News
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) March 23, 2020
3. Digital fatigue
Even our robot butlers are bored.
Alexa is getting tired of me asking what day it is.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 17, 2020
2. Show-offs
Nobody likes a bragger.
Calm down, people who know what day of the week it is. Calm. Down.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 25, 2020
1. Oh no…
But the other tweet said…ah, nevermind.
Every day is Monday now
— Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace) April 21, 2020
Maybe it’s time to invest in the sundial market. That seems about as sensible as anything else right now!
Oh, also, what day is it?
Tell us in the comments. We genuinely don’t know.
The post Tweets That Remind Us We Have No Idea What Day It Is Right Now appeared first on UberFacts.
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