A good houseguest is respectful, keeps things relatively clean, and maybe offers to do the dishes. A not-so-good houseguest…well, here are 15 stories of what that looks like:

1. It’s a simple request

I’ve made this post before so I’ll just copy paste it here:

Not my house but my car. I don’t have many rules for passengers when I’m driving but there are two I will never budge on.
1: Wear your seat belt.
2: Do not smoke in my car.

I had just bought a car, it wasn’t brand new but I knew the previous (and only) owner and I knew he was a car guy who took meticulous care of his cars inside and out. He wouldn’t even sell me the car before he had given the engine a proper service. Within a week of getting the car a friend asked for a lift to the train station, I knew he smoked so as we walked to the car I told him specifically to wait until we get to the station before he lights up (a 10 minute ride at most).

I back out of the parking spot, drive to the exit of the parking lot and as I check my left hand side for oncoming cars I hear from my right the distinctive sound of a lighter sparking up. Dude could not even fucking wait until we were out of the fucking car park before he just had to have his goddamn cigarette. I ask him what the hell he thinks he’s doing and he just looks at me and says “Relax, it’s not like it’s a new car.” Fucker ended up walking to the train station.

2. I hope they paid the plumbing bill

my 10-year-old distant cousin unwrapped 3 new bars of soap and flushed them down the toilet on the 3rd floor of my house. That night, we returned from dinner to find water dripping from the ceiling on the first floor—the third floor bathroom had flooded and the water leaked through the floor, dripped from the ceiling of the second floor, and leaked though to the ceiling of the first floor. the whole mess cost thousands of dollars to repair.

the kid confessed everything with great glee and his mother just thought it was the funniest thing.

3. So disrespectful

When I was in university, one of roommates asked if a high school friend of his from back home could come visit and stay in our apartment for a night or two. I agreed, but I was writing midterms and was stressed beyond belief so I firmly requested that they not party at our place so that I could get to sleep uninterrupted.

I came home from the library at 11pm and they were both shitfaced. My roommate was passed out in his bedroom, there was rank-smelling puke all over the toilet seat, and his friend had brought a girl home from the campus bar and was currently having sex in my bed. WTF.

I kicked his (and her) asses out of the apartment, and then ended up doing laundry at 11:30pm because my sheets were sweaty and covered in their fuck-juices.

I no longer speak with this roommate.

4. Who does that?

I had a collection of 1$ casino chips, one from every casino I had been to. A housemate invites some people over and a guy sees them sitting somewhere and starts playing with them. I figure the guy likes to fidget so it’s no big deal. Guy ended up taking a bunch a mismatched casino chips and even apparently tried buying a drink at the bar with them. Luckily one of the other guys he went out with got them back to me but seriously? Who does that?

5. How not to handle an accident

My cousin and her daughter, who has down syndrome, were visiting and staying with me in my home. Her kid pooped in a quilt, and for some reason my cousin rolled it up and shoved it in the closet in the guest room without telling me.

I discovered it after they left (it was rolled up pretty good so I didn’t smell it immediately) because my dog stood in front of the closet and barked nonstop until I came and found it…She was so offended by it and didn’t stop barking until it was completely cleaned up, haha.

Edit: I called her and said, “I found the quilt from your bed rolled up with poop in the closet…what happened?” And she said, “Oh, daughter had an accident. Sorry!”

6. Why?

I let a guy I knew from college crash at my place for a few days when he was in town for a conference. Fed him, drank a bunch of liquor with him, etc. Thought I was being very hospitable. He had an early flight so on the last day he left before I woke up. Went into my bathroom and saw he had taken my bar of soap and written some stupid song lyrics all over my bathroom mirror. This was the master bathroom so it had two sinks and the mirror was like 8 ft by 4 ft at least. It was huge letters and there was more soap than mirror. Took me hours to get it clean. Like what the fuck dude.

7. Three weeks of drama

We had two couples come to stay with us from overseas and one of the couples spent the entire time arguing and getting into massive fights. This included screaming, crying, slamming doors, sulking, the works. For three weeks. It was the longest three weeks of my life.

8. True friends

Stole $100. But this story has a happy ending.

When I was young I had three friends over, all of them brothers. The oldest was my age, the middle was a couple years younger (same age as my brother), and they had brought their youngest brother with them. He was a little bitch.

Well that day my dad let me hang onto a $100 bill because I thought it was cool and had never seen one. I showed it off to my friends and left it on my side table. I didn’t even notice it go missing.

Well, here’s how the story goes. My friends had left, and when they got near their house, the youngest brother pulled out the $100 and said “hey guys, look what I took.” The two older brothers got pissed. They dragged him crying all the way back to my house, handed me the $100 that I hadn’t even realized was missing, and forced him to apologize. Friends of integrity right there.

9. Who dyes their hair at someone else’s house?

My really close friend brought his now ex girlfriend that was super controlling over while me and a few other friends were hanging out, about thirty minutes in she decided that she is going to go into my super white bathroom and dye her hair black, not only this but if you’ve never dyed your hair before you must rinse your hair out to get excess dye out. She ended up staining my white counters, bath tub/ shower, floor, two decorative towels, my carpet outside the bathroom and my toilet. I was so irate and I don’t think she understood that you do not do this shit in someone else’s house without asking them. Literally everyone that was over including me told her to get her now just showered naked ass out of my house. I was so done because she just stained soooooo much shit that will not come out easy. It makes my blood boil thinking about it now.

10. I would just burn it

My boyfriend invited a couple dudes over while I was at work because we only have a 1 bedroom apartment and I don’t always enjoy sitting there watching them game. It was considerate. Anyways, he was asleep and they were gone when I got home since I work 3rd shift. I noticed my new bathroom mat was discolored and assumed it was from shoes and didn’t closely observe. Anyways, I made him look at it with me when he got up because I was a bit mad since it was brand new. Upon further observation, we came to the conclusion that before leaving, his friend wiped shit all over my new bathroom mat. It turned out to be brown finger streaks across the whole thing! Threw that out immediately. The toilet paper was readily available BTW… They are not allowed in the apartment anymore, and it was weird because they weren’t on bad terms they actually wanted to hang out again.

11. Not for sitting

we had a party at our house. Guests ended up using the bathroom in our bedroom as well because of lines on the guest toilet. We have (had) one of those “only attached to the wall and no legs to support” sinks on top of a slim long shelf kinda thing. They sat on the damn thing and broke it. I was beyond belief how someone could sit on something that looks, feels and very obviously shows it is not made to carry weight and is not supported.

Now it has legs…

12. Always clear the browser history

Oh i forgot this one! A friend of a relative stayed with my parents for a week, the guy was Argentinian, late 50s. He was very old fashioned, religious etc, for example, he even told my parents that it was wrong that i was living with my boyfriend without being married.

One day he asked my mum to use her PC “to check his email” was in there for quite a while, riiiight.. You guessed it, he was watching porn, but i guess he didn’t remember the website he wanted because he first googled in Spanish “young ladies with dark hair having sex” and a few variations of that. My mum found all that in her Internet history, called him out, he tried to blame my (then 16 year old) brother, who had his own PC, speaks mostly English (wouldn’t have googled in spanish) and was away in a camping trip

He wasn’t welcomed back.

13. At least there was no meth

I was going to post about the time I was really angered by friends of friends staying and emptying our bar fridge (it was fully stocked with beer), emptying the wine fridge (also stocked), and a random bottle of bailey’s (none of these things go together?!? Heathens) and not offering to replace any of it, while making themselves completely at home and even inviting guests over to view “their place.” But in reading these, I’m starting to feel much better that no meth was involved – maybe it’s time for me to let that grudge go.

14. So. Gross.

My grandfather’s cousin was staying with us a for a week; he has a bladder problem and would refuse to wear adult diapers! What followed was him leaving a trail of pee (sometimes poo), when he walked around the house… didn’t take too long for my mother to ask his son to take him back home.

15. Poor kiddo

I was babysitting my neighbours daughter. My neighbour was supposed to pick up the girl hours before and didn’t answer any of my messages prior. I got the living room ready just in case if she was gonna stay the night. It was close to midnight and he finally came to pick her up. The dad ranged the bell and when I answered the door he was sooo wasted. He barged in and walked past me to go to kitchen and everything that was in his grasp, he literally destroyed. He went to the fridge and drank juice straight from the carton. He then walked back to the living room where his daughter was, then was spewing random shit to her and mid sentence he vomited all over my couch and passed out after.

EDIT: For those of you asking;

Yes he did apologize and paid to clean the couch.

The daughter at that time just started first grade, so she was probably 6 or 7. She’s very smart, so she was aware of what was going on.

Did I call CPS? Yes. He turned out to be an alcoholic and it wasn’t the first time he has done this.

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