Parents Tweeted the Truth About Sex After Kids and It Is Pretty Funny

Hang on tight for this one.

I’m not married and I don’t have kids, but I have ears, people. I listen to the conversations of my married friends, and I know what’s going on (sort of).

And I know that the nookie takes a nosedive after those adorable little angels become a part of the family.

Which is why these texts from parents are hilarious and right on the money.

Enjoy.

1. Please don’t come in here.

2. You’re DEFINITELY a parent.

3. No winners here.

4. See you later.

5. That’s very hot.

6. Makes it kinda fun? Maybe?

7. That’s the way it goes.

8. Fast! No, faster!

9. That should do the trick.

10. You just have to deal with it.

11. It’s totally worth it.

12. Might not be a great idea.

13. What are you doing with your time?

14. Should we just go to bed?

15. It’s over. Forever.

Hey, it’s not all bad, is it?

Parents, weigh in on this matter and give the folks who wrote these tweets (and other parents out there) some good advice about gettin’ it on!

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15 Times Elaine from ‘Seinfeld’ Spoke for a Lot of Us

It’s very difficult to pick the best character on Seinfeld because they’re all pretty great, even the supporting characters. Jerry, Kramer, George, Newman, Uncle Leo, they’re all hilarious.

But Elaine Benes might just take the cake. Because sometimes, she spoke for all of us.

Here are some perfect examples.

1. She knows how to talk trash.

Photo Credit: NBC

2. Fighting for equality.

Photo Credit: NBC

3. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Photo Credit: NBC

4. That’s how you end a conversation.

Photo Credit: NBC

5. We all should!

Photo Credit: NBC

6. As good a reason as any.

Photo Credit: NBC

7. Welcome to the club.

Photo Credit: NBC

8. She’s working on it.

Photo Credit: NBC

9. That’s why it’s called that.

Photo Credit: NBC

10. Zing! Sorry, Jerry.

Photo Credit: NBC

11. That is the perfect date.

Photo Credit: NBC

12. You’re either with me or against me.

Photo Credit: NBC

13. Brain doesn’t work sometimes.

Photo Credit: NBC

14. She can be ruthless.

Photo Credit: NBC

15. She’s worried about all animals.

Photo Credit: NBC

She’s also a great dancer! Remember?!?!

What are your favorite Elaine moments!

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15 Times People Did Their Part to Help out the Environment

These gestures might be small, but small things add up in the end. And we all need to do our part to help out the environment cause it is not doing great, folks.

Whether it’s recycling, using less water, cutting down on electricity, or any number of things, DO YOUR PART.

These people sure did, and the ideas are wonderful.

Take a look.

1. A great idea.

The Cafe at my closest beach gives free drinks to people who collect a bucket of litter from the beach from mildlyinteresting

2. That is very impressive.

Turns out my pencil is made of recycled newspaper! from mildlyinteresting

3. Good beer, too!

Carlsberg using glue to make six packs instead of plastic. from mildlyinteresting

4. Plant it when you’re done with it.

Got an event bracelet that can be planted from mildlyinteresting

5. Get rid of those pesky cups.

An ice cream cup made of banana leaves from mildlyinteresting

6. Bake some bread!

My grocery store started selling overripe bananas for cheap with a recipe for banana bread on the bag from mildlyinteresting

7. Keep it going.

You can charge this battery with a micro USB from mildlyinteresting

8. Eliminates so many bottles.

Refill Station at Simon Fraser University, Canada. from ZeroWaste

9. Not plastic, but plant starch.

This cup is made from plant starch, not plastic from mildlyinteresting

10. Plant your pencil.

My pencil has seeds on the tip, so when it’s too small to use it you can plant it and a tree will grow out of it from mildlyinteresting

11. Reducing more waste is crucial.

This super market had tiny paper bags instead of plastic containers to reduce waste from mildlyinteresting

12. Much better than discarding it.

Every day after closing, this local bakery leaves out a bag of their unsold pastries that people can take from freely instead of throwing them away and make unnecessary waste from mildlyinteresting

13. These look great!

The bowling alley in my neighbourhood tore up old lanes and used them to renovate the washrooms. from pics

14. Get rid of those butts.

I bought a pack of cigarettes and they came with a postage paid recycling pouch. from mildlyinteresting

15. This is awesome!

I don’t know about you, but I find all of those examples very inspiring.

What are you doing to help out the environment? Share your ideas in the comments!

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15 Things That Look like They Might Be from a Parallel Universe

I think you better get prepared. Are you ready to have your mind blown?

Because all of these photos might look familiar, but just off a little bit.

Like they’re from another planet…from BEYOND!

Take a look.

1. That’s strange…

Blue Coke Can sold in Turkey from mildlyinteresting

2. I’ve never seen one that small.

I found a tiny Walmart ! from mildlyinteresting

3. Are we on Mars?

This Target is white and not red from mildlyinteresting

4. Where have all the aces gone?

These playing cards have ones instead of aces. from mildlyinteresting

5. Kind of cool.

This Starbucks drive-thru in an old car wash from mildlyinteresting

6. I love this idea!

This Taco Bell is made out of old ship containers from mildlyinteresting

7. A totally different universe.

Alternate reality cereals from mildlyinteresting

8. Total freak-out time!

This SubWay in New Jersey has a red sign instead of yellow. from mildlyinteresting

9. Lowercase stop sign.

View post on imgur.com

10. Genetic mutations abound.

This pink grasshopper found on Kelleys Island, Ohio from mildlyinteresting

11. The turquoise arches.

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#sedonamcdonalds

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12. That’s a lot of detail.

This pedestrian crossing sign has realistic people. from mildlyinteresting

13. Proceed with love.

Stoplight in Akureyri, Iceland has a heart shaped red light. from mildlyinteresting

14. No more rainbows.

These rainbowless Skittles from mildlyinteresting

15. Brilliant, but also sad. Get off your phone while walking!

This traffic light on the sidewalk for pedestrians on their phones from mildlyinteresting

I’m freakin’ out, man!

Okay, not really, but those are some pretty cool pics, huh?

The post 15 Things That Look like They Might Be from a Parallel Universe appeared first on UberFacts.

These People Have All Had Their First Names Ruined by Pop Culture

I feel kind of sorry for these people, but my last name is Gilligan, so I don’t feel that sorry for them. Do you know how many times I’ve heard jokes about “The Skipper”?

Yeah, that many.

Let’s all say a little prayer for these folks…

1. She really needs to see the manager.

2. That’s not good.

3. Alexa, I have a question.

4. Ouch, that one hurts.

5. The Legend of…

6. No comment needed.

7. Yes, just like that.

8. A teenage witch?

9. I can hear Homer yelling.

10. You never had a chance.

11. Creepy Carrie! Creepy Carrie!

12. This one is a classic.

13. A double whammy.

14. Yeah, baby, yeah!

15. Could be worse.

Has this happened to you? If so, share your stories with us in the comments!

The post These People Have All Had Their First Names Ruined by Pop Culture appeared first on UberFacts.

Check out the Gorgeous Subways of the Former Soviet Union

I visited Russia for ten days in 2003, and it was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Standing in Red Square, walking around Saint Petersburg, it was truly incredible.

One thing I noticed was how elaborate and beautiful some of the subway stations were in Moscow and Saint Petersburg. The Soviets built incredible subway and train stations (some of them very far below ground). During the peak years in the Soviet Union, only 30 out of 1,000 citizens owned cars, so it was imperative to have a top-notch subway public transit system.

Even the more modern stations are pretty breathtaking. It’s a matter of priorities.

Here are some of the best.

1. Chernaya Rechka (Black River), Saint Petersburg.

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Как вы воспринимаете себя? Когда вы – это действительно вы, а не общественно удобный вариант вашей личности? Когда вы рассказываете о себе, вы хотите показаться лучше? Немного потока сознания на эту тему. ? Я часто рассуждаю о том, какой я на самом деле. Принимаю ли это я решение, или навязанный стереотип быть "сильным", "становится лучше" и "преодолевать себя" заставляет делать меня то, что по настоящему мне не нужно? Например, взбираться на гору, учиться водить машину, стричься, делать физические упражнения, есть здоровую еду, не пить алкоголь. Это я или не я? Может, моё внутреннее я на самом деле хочет сесть за компьютер и погрузиться в RPG на неделю. Может настоящий я – там? ? Нам всё время отовсюду твердят о самосовершенствовании. Поэтому "не развиваться" как-то стыдно. В то же время, общество не любит тех, кто "прыгает" слишком высоко. И поэтому часто приходится показывать себя несколько хуже, чем ты есть. Например, в СССР долгое время принято было быть скромным. И после распада это обернулось тем, что скромность наоборот стала пороком. Общественные установки меняются чрезвычайно быстро. Курить в школе считалось крутым, сейчас "курение убивает". Трудоголизм также постепенно сдаёт свои позиции, работать без отдыха уже считается неправильным. Отдых также имеет какие-то требования для вашего круга общения. Например, много где тех, кто ходит в пешие походы считают "экстремалами" или "бомжами". В среде походников же обычные отпуска иначе как "тюленьими" и не называют. ? Желание построить крутой образ себя, необычного и успешного, сильного и волевого, развивающегося и успешного, часто загоняет истинные мотивы и импульсы внутрь. Я люблю находиться на природе, люблю испытания, но не меньше я люблю залипать дома и заказывать еду, чтобы смотреть фильмы. Фильмы вообще для меня дают нисколько не меньше, чем путешествия за пределы квартиры. Мне нравится анализировать их, погружаться в миры, и иногда представлять свои. Навряд ли человека, который просто смотрит кино, можно назвать успешным и развивающимся. Многие вообще видят в фильмах жвачку для мозга. Но мне плевать. Я люблю фильмы. Я настоящий раскрываюсь как зритель и переживаю этот опыт один или с кем-то.

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2. Look at the detail.

3. Narvskaya Station, Saint Petersburg.

4. Avtovo Station, Saint Petersburg.

5. A newer station in Moscow.

6. Elektrozavodskaya Station, Moscow.

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The most incredible subway in the world ? ? ?

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7. Taganskaya Station, Moscow.

8. Avtovo Station, Saint Petersburg.

9. Cold and lonely walkway.

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Вчера Петербургский метрополитен ? работал без перерыва. Так он выглядит в 2 ночи. По моему очень здорово. #метро #эстетика #урбанизм #петербургскийметрополитен #sybway #russiansubway #spb #saintpetersburg #санктпетербург #ночь #следущая_станция_автово #переход_на_3_линию #конечнаястанция_девяткино #маяковская #площадь_мужества #площадь_александра_невского #новочеркасская #площадь_восстания

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10. A grand station in Moscow.

11. A station in Yekaterinburg.

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??? My nearest underground station В период моей жизни в Англии мне пару раз доводилось общаться с моими international friends касательно темы российского метрополитена, в частности московского. Те, кому удавалось посетить столицу РФ (из полусотни наберется едва 3 студента), отмечали архитектуру станций (не всю подземку в целом) как одну из лучших. Кстати наша британская подруга Андреа тоже под впечатлением. Действительно, большинство станций московского метро выглядят как картинные галереи. Если будете в Москве, обязательно прогуляйтесь по самым, по-моему мнению, прекрасным галереям московской подземки: – Комсомольска (кольцевая); – Киевская (кольцевая и Арбатско-Покровская линия); – Новослободская; – Таганская; – Парк Культуры (кольцевая) и другие. Кстати станции Лондонского метро не особо впечатляющие, хотя некоторые – в стиле Hi-Tech. Именно такой стиль мне нравится больше. Станций Екатеринбургского метрополитена не много, но каждая из них стилизована под конкретную тематику. Например Чкаловская – в честь советского летчика Валерия Чкалова (в честь него названы район города и одна из улиц). А Ботаническая (на фото выше) в стиле пчелиных сот. Кстати она мне нравится больше всех. #метро #underground #ботаническая #русскоеметро #yekaterinburg #history #fact #russiansubway #russiantube #россия #therussianfederation

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12. Nizhny Novgorod. Futuristic.

13. Art in Saint Petersburg.

14. Mayakovskaya Station, Moscow.

15. They are beautiful, indeed.

Have you been to Russia and visited some of the train stations?

Share your favorite with us in the comments!

The post Check out the Gorgeous Subways of the Former Soviet Union appeared first on UberFacts.

15 People Share the Dumbest Things They’ve Done While They Were Under the Influence

People do a lot of weird/stupid/crazy things when they’re high on drugs. And a lot of funny things. And a lot of ridiculous things.

You get the picture.

AskReddit users were brave enough to admit the weirdest things they did while they were high.

1. You did your best.

“I was fucked up looking for my hotel in Atlantic City. Somehow got there and woke up the next morning to just ‘hotel’ being in the search bar of my spotify. That was my best effort.”

2. Am I allowed to leave?

“Got up to leave my bedroom and knocked on the door before opening it to go out.”

3. A role reversal.

“Went to let the dog out and I walked out instead and left my dog inside.”

4. WTF am I doing?

“One time years ago I was camping at a campground with my wife and a few friends, we’re all sitting around the fire drinking. Her brother and I go for a walk to smoke some joints. We finish that and I have to piss so he goes back to the group, and when I’m done I head back as well.

So I get back and I’m pretty baked at this point and I’m just standing there watching the fire and drinking my beer for a few minutes. I then noticed a particular Coleman lantern on the picnic table and thought to myself, ‘I don’t remember us having one of those here’.

It was at that point that I realized I was standing at the wrong damned campsite, amongst a bunch of people I have never met, while my group was watching from the next site over, laughing and wondering wtf I was doing.”

5. So proud…

“Eating yoghurt with a fork in front of my parents. My dad waited for about 10 minutes to say that a spoon might make it easier.”

6. Probably the best place you can go when high.

“Went to White Castle to get food for everyone after we smoked. We all had the same order, two double cheese sliders and an order or mozzarella sticks. When I gave her my order I didn’t just say that I wanted 8 double cheese sliders in total, I repeated the two double cheese sliders and mozzarella sticks 4 times.

By the time I got to the end of my order the cashier sounded so defeated. I still cringe thinking back to that moment, but it’s also one of my funniest smoke stories.”

7. No more ciggies.

“A few years ago I was on shrooms with some friends and we went on a walk to smoke a cig. Every time I took a puff of my cigarette, I was expecting to taste Mountain Dew and I was disappointed every time that it didn’t. I quit smoking cigs a few days after that!”

8. I’m a genius!

“Was watching a korean drama when I had a whole freak out when I realized “Holy shit!! I suddenly understand korean!” I woke my bf up and made him watch with me as I translated for him. He laughed at me for 5 minutes before he told me I was just actually just reading the subtitles.”

9. Where could they be?

“Spent 45 mins looking for my glasses with my friend. Said fuck it bc I had to leave and was now running late. When I went to put on my sunglasses I smashed them onto my glasses.

I had my glasses on my fucking face the whole time and neither myself or my friend noticed.”

10. Wait a second…

“Ordered food for delivery. Forgot. Went to grocery store for stuff to BBQ. Remembered about the food for delivery while paying in line.”

11. Sorry, my bad.

“Freaked out that I’d lost my ipod somewhere on the way to the train station. I got off the train and went back, retracing my steps all the way back to my apartment.

Only to realize that I was listening to music the whole time… on my ipod.”

12. Sounds like quite a night.

“Some girls in high school invited me to go smoke and swim in a creek with them. Of course I went to got high as f*ck. Spent the next 30 minutes sitting in the creek, I was so still that a fish came up and bit my ass. I didn’t realize what I was doing until one of the girls ask me why the fuck I was all alone sitting in the middle of a creek not moving.”

13. Didn’t get hauled in.

“I was on acid at a music festival and asked a cop if he would name a hurricane after me.

Fortunately he thought that was funny.”

14. Time well spent.

“Walked up to the bathroom mirror with a flashlight, shined it on my eyes and studied the color patterns of my eyes for about 20 minutes straight. And singing loudly at the same time.”

15. We have a winner!

“I set a hot pocket in the microwave and put in my pin number for the cook time.”

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433 Men Named ‘Nigel’ Gathered in a British Pub to Honor Their First Name

This is one of my favorite stories of 2019 so far.

Is there any more British name than Nigel? My favorite Nigel is Nigel Planer, who played Neil on the great British TV show The Young Ones.

Recently, 433 men named Nigel came together at a pub called The Fleece Inn in the middle of England to celebrate the heritage of that incredible first name.

Nigels from all over the UK came to the small village of Bretforton for the big bash. One Nigel flew in from Cyprus and one from Texas even crowdfunded a ticket to be able to make it to the event.

The idea was the brainchild of Nigel Smith, the landlord of The Fleece Inn where the festivities took place. Smith said it started off as “a slightly mad idea” and that he thought maybe a couple dozen Nigels would show up to have a few beers.

Smith added, “Nigels were kind of dying out. Those of us who are still around ought to celebrate the fact we are still around and very much comfortable with our Nigelness.”

The night features not only 433 chaps named Nigel, but also special drinks, including the Mad Nigel, Nige Ale, and a cider called Narky Nige.

Even the local MP showed up that night. His name: Nigel Huddleston. Of course.

And Smith is right: the very British name is dying out. Apparently, there were only two British babies named Nigel born in 2016.

I’ve decided I’m going to do my part. If I have a child (or a dog, a cat, or a goldfish), I’m going to name them Nigel. That’s a guarantee!

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Little Rock Is Paying Homeless People $9.25 an Hour to Pick up Litter

The folks in Little Rock, Arkansas, might be on to something. In April 2019, the city launched its Bridge to Work program, paying homeless people $9.25 an hour to pick up litter off city streets.

Paul Atkins is a Pastor at the Canvas Community Church in Little Rock, and he’s been impressed with how successful the program has been so far. Atkins said 380 people have worked through the program, receiving paychecks and mental health and medical services. Some have even landed job interviews.

Atkins said, “We want to work with them on their next step. There are a lot of barriers that our people experience to go from homelessness and panhandling to full-time work. There’s a lot of steps in between.”

The people in the program work in groups of eight, but they usually leave one space open in case they encounter a panhandler or other homeless person who wants to join up and work with them.

One of the team leaders in the program, Felecia Cooks, was initially worried it wouldn’t be entirely successful. She said:

“When I first started, from Day One, I couldn’t catch the vision, nor could I travel the journey. But, you know, we’ve taken out over 400-and-something persons. And let me tell you, that has been the most exciting thing that I’ve done in my life. The energy, just the positive (energy), the vision that Canvas Community Church has. You know, it’s just wonderful.

The program was only supposed to last six months, but Little Rock’s mayor, Frank Scott Jr., said he will draft a resolution to extend the program through the end of September 2020 because it has been such a success.

Great idea! I’d like to see this in other cities across the country!

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After Almost Losing His Mother, This Teen Invented a Bra That Can Detect Breast Cancer Early

I bet we’ll be hearing from this young man for many years.

After Julián Ríos Cantú watched his mother endure two bouts with breast cancer, the 18-year-old from Mexico decided he wanted to help out other women who might not have access to affordable healthcare.

Posted by Julián Ríos Cantú on Monday, November 20, 2017

Cantú’s mother ended up having a mastectomy. Standard screenings missed the lumps in his mother’s breasts because her high breast density obscured the growths. Cantú said, “At that moment, I realized that if that was the case for a woman with private insurance and a prevention mindset, then for most women in developing countries, like Mexico where we’re from, the outcome could’ve not been a mastectomy but death.”

Cantú took matters into his own hands, inventing Eva, a “bio-sensing bra insert” that uses thermal sensing and artificial intelligence to create a thermal map of women’s breasts. Abnormal temperatures and tumor growth are related, and an Eva insert can help women detect cancerous growths. It also helps with the self-examination process.

As things stand today, patients don’t have a lot of options for early detection of breast cancer. If you’re under 45, you can’t receive mammograms due to concerns about exposure to radiation. Even if you’re over that age, mammograms can be very expensive.

The Eva technology does not emit any radiation, and women of all ages can wear the insert.

The company has performed clinical trials on more than 2,000 women in Mexico. Eva’s website says,

“Eva’s technology is approved by the FDA as an adjunct method for breast cancer detection in section 884.2980 Teletermographic Systems. Similarly, Eva Clinic operates under the highest ethical standards, strictly following the Official Mexican Standard NOM-041-SSA2-2011, for the prevention, diagnosis, treatment, control, and surveillance of breast cancer.”

The product is now available for use at certified Eva clinics, but who knows? Maybe someday it’ll be in our houses, helping women detect breast cancer even earlier.

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