Author: Matt Gilligan

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15 Amusing Tweets About Going to the Dentist

When I was young, I was terrified of going to the dentist. TERRIFIED. I still don’t necessarily enjoy it, but I don’t lose sleep over it and almost have a nervous breakdown in the weeks leading up to my appointment anymore. Mostly.

The dentist really has the power to elicit some incredibly strong responses and opinions…so let’s look at the evidence.

1. Flossin’ all night.

2. Yassss, Queen!

3. Might make things a little easier.

4. You’re good to go!

5. You’re doing it right.

6. It’s a give and take relationship.

7. I want to hear this…

8. I feel this tweet in my soul.

9. Nailed it.

10. Look away!

11. I’m kind of a big deal.

12. Not gonna happen.

13. It’s HELL.

14. You do you.

15. I can’t imagine why…

How do you feel about going to the dentist? Do you dread it? Do you love it?

Let us know in the comments!

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These Controversial Food Opinions Might Raise Some Eyebrows

Do you have any odd opinions about food that might cause people to argue and debate with you?

I have one: I like to eat salami rolled up with cream cheese inside. I’ve caught a lot of flack for that for some reason…

Let’s begin!

1. Cereal killer.

2. You might cause a riot.

3. Okay, that’s weird.

4. There’s something wrong with you.

5. I’m gonna be sick.

6. I’m not on your side.

7. I can go either way on this one…

8. Whoa! Fightin’ words!

9. Many would disagree.

10. Interesting…

11. Bone-in, please.

12. I agree with the spaghetti part…

13. Are you from Europe?

14. You may leave now, sir.

15. So you just don’t like food…?

Readers, let us know your unpopular food opinions in the comments.

Let the debates begin!

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If You Waste Money on Stupid Stuff, These Tweets Will Be Right up Your Alley

Take all of my money! Just take it!

I’ll be honest, I have a tendency to spend my money on stupid things. For example, I recently just ordered a 5-pack of headlamps from Amazon. A 5-PACK. Even I recognize that headlamps don’t need to be sold in a 5-pack, and I bought the 5-pack!

Though I guess you never know when you and your friends will get stuck in a cave…or something.

Do you do this, too? If so, these tweets will speak to your soul.

1. Ask and you shall receive.

2. This was necessary.

3. That makes sense.

4. You have your priorities.

5. Don’t do it!

6. Seriously…

7. Just keep it to yourself.

8. Why not?

9. The big time.

10. I’d like to forget it.

11. That’s an essential.

12. That’s not a good feeling.

13. You did your best!

Do us a favor: in the comments, tell us the last really dumb thing you spent your money on. Let’s see if we can out-do each other!

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People Share Their Funny #ChristmasBreakupExcuses

A lot of people get dumped around the holidays for one reason or another. The pressure, the fighting, family issues. There are a lot of potential excuses for doing the deed.

These folks shared funny, punny, probably-not-real-but-who-can-say #ChristmasBreakupExcuses for all of us to enjoy. Ho Ho Ho!

1. I see what you did there.

2. I knew this one was coming.

3. Not a good thing to hear.

4. Zing!

5. That’s pretty good.

6. Oh, no!

7. It’s hard to explain.

8. Sounds likely.

9. This is legit.

10. Fun with words! Oh, and we’re done.

11. It’s Opposite Day.

12. Showed her.

13. Classy move.

14. That’s harsh.

15. This is a good one to finish with.

They’re Grinches! All of ’em, I tell ya!

Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a holiday breakup? Tell us about it in the comments.

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Funny Christmas Tweets That Have Already Gone Viral

It’s the best time of the year! Well, I mean, besides Halloween.

But hey, Christmas is great, too.

It can also be a frustrating, weird and hilarious time of year as well, as evidenced by these funny tweets that have already gone viral.

Oh, the holidays…

1. Listen to your mother.

2. Oh yeah!

3. There’s a lot of them out there.

4. Sounds awesome.

5. I’m a big fan of this video.

6. Good second effort.

7. Gonna be a looooong month.

8. Keep that a secret.

9. Never seen that before…

10. Belt it out.

11. Watch your mouth.

12. This is true.

13. Almost there…

14. Gonna be a great Christmas!

15. Merry Christmas?

Are you ready to celebrate Christmas this year?

Tell us all about your plans in the comments!

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15 Times Newspaper Copy Editors Probably Regretted Not Taking a Closer Look

Most of us expect the news to be at least revised and edited. When headlines like these 15 pop up, though, you almost hope the editors were out to coffee when things went to print – because that’s better than thinking they saw these and didn’t think there was a problem!

15. I mean, as do teenagers.

Photo Credit: deMilked

14. This had to have been a purposeful play on words.

Photo Credit: deMilked

13. Alert the media.

Photo Credit: deMilked

12. Including the people who wrote this headline.

Photo Credit: deMilked

11. You’d have a whole other problem if they did.

Photo Credit: deMilked

10. Yes. In fact that’s what it’s typically called.

Photo Credit: deMilked

9. What were they expecting to find?

Photo Credit: deMilked

8. Someone was really out to lunch.

Photo Credit: deMilked

7. And therein lies the rub.

Photo Credit: deMilked

6. As opposed to…?

Photo Credit: deMilked

5. Maybe change at least one of those.

Photo Credit: deMilked

4. You won’t believe this, but that’s why we build them!

Photo Credit: deMilked

3. Did they tell you that themselves?

Photo Credit: deMilked

2. And they’re bugs that fly!

Photo Credit: deMilked

1. Now THAT’S a story!

Photo Credit: deMilked

As a writer, I can’t cringe hard enough! Gah!

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Mall Santas Share Their Favorite Stories from Their Holiday Jobs

You have to be a special sort of person to take a job as a mall Santa during the holidays. For one thing, you have to look the part! Also, dealing with kids (and their parents’ expectations!) for hours every day can’t be the easiest task – especially when the season already has people stressed out.

If you want to know why they do it (or at least how they get through it) here are 15 stories that make the experience a little more real.

15. A kid that’s going places, for sure.

Not a Santa, but I have been a Mrs. Claus for the last few years and I always ask the kids what they want while we do our crafts.

My favorite was this 4-5 year old girl that told me she wanted “one of those loud horns”. She made a gesture like she was using those canned air horns and she made a little horn sound. She said she wants to use it to wake up her baby brother when he naps in the daytime so he “knows what it’s like.”

14. It’s best to be specific.

Not a santa but an elf.

I read a letter (maybe I shouldn’t have) from a child who asked for a dolphin, specifically not autistic. Not sure if he had had a bad experience with disabled dolphins or what but he was about 6 years old .

13. Well, Santa tried.

My 3 year old son asked Santa once for “a baby rhino” Santa told him that “The baby rhinos mama would be very sad to lose her baby though”

Then my son said, “okay, well I’ll take the mama too, maybe she can sleep in my moms bed”

12. Lol, yikes.

Many years ago a small girl would not tell her mother what she wanted for Christmas. Mom told me the problem and I was to tell her after the kid jumped off my lap. The little girl hopped up and told me she wanted some make up and some tits…. ok now I have to tell mom.

11. That Santa probably had some *thoughts*.

My sister asked Santa for “Black Men” for Christmas. She meant “Men in Black.”

10. I bet he had a baby sibling.

Not me but my dad

a kid asked for his moms milk he was like 7

9. This is so incredibly pure.

I was an assistant manager for a mall Santa with Noerr Programs. There was a special needs 20-something black guy that would come by nearly every day. He easily weighed more than 250 pounds so we did eventually convince him to sit next to Santa instead of on his lap. Every time he had to remind Santa what he wanted for Christmas. His list was Home Alone on DVD, Straight Outta Compton on DVD, and Prince’s 1999 album on CD. Santa was awesome and brought him the Prince CD a few days before Christmas.

8. It’s always the younger sibling you have to watch out for.

Yesterday the big sister asked for a pet mouse, the little sister asked for a snake.

7. That’s not as weird as it is sweet.

Not a mall santa my friend was one. He said that the weirdest thing he heard from a kid was a husband for his mom.

6. This is tough.

I worked in Russia as “Snow Maiden”. This is a Christmas character here, Santa Claus granddaughter. One of the children in a wheelchair asked to walk again. It was hard.

Upd. For people’s, who wanted funny answer. In my practis was a boy, who wanted a girlfriend. He was 5-6 years.

5. Being a parent is hard.

Was a Santa at a party last week. A kid asked for a whistle that she could blow at night to wake her mom up and scare her when she was sleeping.

I said “No, that would put you on the Naughty list, let your mom sleep you little gremlin.”

Mom laughed.

4. Smart kid.

My uncle was a Santa and he told me that one year a kid asked for a coffee maker because he wanted to start his own Starbucks coffee stand instead of a lemonade stand. Apparently business was not very good as a lemonade stand but he noticed a lot of adults drink coffee, so he’d make coffee.

That kid is probably a millionaire now.

3. Bread is life.

A piece of toast.

2. You sit on a throne of lies!

For me to “stop upholding this charade”

1. Did your dad tell you to say that?

There was a joke a radio host told that I heard about 10 years ago or so and there was a mall santa and this kid, and the kid wanted a tonka truck that had a hitch or crane/hook or something, and when it comes time to tell santa what he wants the kid says “I want a truck with a hooker”

I couldn’t do it, I don’t think!

Have you ever played Santa? What’s the best/worst thing that ever happened to you when you did?

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These Great Facts Might Make Your Day a Little Bit More Interesting

I need some good brain food to get through the day sometimes.

Know what I’m saying?

Well, I have just what you need! A great set of facts for you!

Let’s begin!

1. The world’s smallest park.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

2. Wow, that’s fascinating.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source

3. The name game.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

4. Roly poly.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

5. I’m not even gonna try.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

6. Nazi hunters.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source

7. But…why?

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

8. Interesting…

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

9. The demon cat.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

10. They’re everywhere.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

Have a great day, a great week, and a great month!

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This Is Why Dogs Kick Their Feet After They Poop

If you’ve ever had a dog, there’s a good chance you know what I’m talking about: your dog sniffs around, sniffs some more, turns in circles, then finally finds the perfect (and apparently only) spot in the yard to do their business.

Afterward, they move a few inches and then kick their feet backward, sort of covering the mess with dirt and flying grass.

But why?

Even though dogs have been domesticated for a very, very long time, they still retain some behaviors from the days before they were man’s best friend – they were once wild animals after all. It is innate instinct that drives around 10% of dogs to kick at the ground after going to the bathroom.

Dogs are territorial as a species, and are always sensitive to other dogs encroaching on their territory (it’s also why they bark out the window when another dog takes a stroll past, or – GASP – wanders onto “their” lawn).

Pooping sends a message to other dogs that the property has been claimed, and by kicking up dirt afterward, they stir up the scent that, along with pheromones released from glands on their feet, creates a strong and distinct smell. A “this is mine” sort of smell.

Other dogs then take the kicked-up grass as a clue that they’re treading on stinky, owned ground.

The pheromones actually smell stronger than the pee or poo, and can alert dogs to other things, like food trails or potential danger.

Experts warn against interrupting your dog during the ritual, claiming that doing so can make your dog feel vulnerable and confused.

So, just stay out of the way (and hope your lawn-obsessed neighbor isn’t watching your dog toss around their new grass seed. Oops.) and let nature take its course.

There’s no way to stop (or speed up) evolution, you know, so just give you pooch a pat and thank them for their vigilance.

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Grýla the Troll Eats Naughty Children on Christmas in Iceland

If you’re a bad kid who finds coal in his stocking instead of gifts, well…consider yourself lucky. If you lived in Iceland, you just might have been eaten by a troll instead.

Human-eating trolls feature heavily in many Icelandic myths, and during jól (Christmas season in Iceland), a Christmas troll named Grýla comes down from her mountain cave to gather all of the naughty children.

Then she hauls them back home to her lazy, nagged husband to turn into a holiday stew.

Stories of her antics have been around since at least the Middle Ages, and, according to experts on local mythology, Icelandic trolls are typically stupid but dangerous giants who actively hate Christianity and Christians. Early folk used them to explain rock formations (legends would claim they were trolls turned to stone).

Sometime in the 13th century, the general word for a she-troll – grýla – became the name of a specific troll who ate children around the holidays.

Which only goes to prove that, even hundreds of years ago, people needed a way to keep their kids in line at Christmastime.

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Happy krampusnacht! Our friend the krampus has gotten a lot of play the last few years, and I wholly approve of bringing back the traditions of terrifying children(and adults!) into good behavior. Iceland has an entire pantheon of holiday ghouls that I’m gleefully exploring and can’t wait to share with you. Without further ado, I welcome you to a Christmas full of holiday fear! . . . First, we’ll meet Gryla. She’s the matriarch of this northern band of bloodthirsty goblins. She has thirteen sons , the “Yule boys” and (depending on the telling) these creatures are murderous wretches or charming tricksters who leave gifts or rotten potatoes. Gryla, however, has received no politewashing treatment, and watches children all year long from her cave on the lava fields. If a child has made the naughty list, she’ll steal them away in the night and stuff them into her simmering stewpot. . . Clearly, Nordic wintertime festivals are the most metal. If the cold dark winters don’t kill you, there’s plenty of monsters hiding in the gloom that will. So grab your Rowan, yew, and a fresh pair of socks, and we’ll navigate how to protect ourselves from this family of fiends! (Unless you’ve already been bad. Then I’m sorry, Gryla’s claws are coming to town.) . . . #krampus #krampusnacht #folklore #christmastraditions #iceland #icelandicfolklore #goblin #troll #oagress #gryla #krampuslauf #icelandicchristmas #vikingmythology #nordictraditions #nordic #fantasticbeasts #badfairy #faerie #faerieart #betweenmirrors #popeofhell_art #whatsfordinner #darkart #fairy #badsanta #unseelie #christmasfear #nightmarebeforechristmas

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Like all trolls, Grýla is gross and huge, but she might also have 15 (or 40) tails to hold her many bags of naughty children, 300 heads with 3 eyes each, eyes on the back of her head, long ears, a beard, black teeth, and/or hooves – all depending on who tells the story.

So, I mean, they agree that she’s super ugly and scary, which is the point.

Despite her looks, Grýla is the mother of the 13 Yule Lads, who visit on the 13 days of Christmas, and she owns a cat called Jólakötturinn, who devours people who didn’t get clothes for Christmas (because they didn’t work hard enough).

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Day 3 of #folktaleweek is #witch. Grýla the Christmas witch of Iceland lives in a mountain cave with her husband (who is a giant yule cat!) and her 13 mischievous sons the Yule Lads.  Each Christmas, Gryla comes down from her mountain dwelling to hunt for naughty children. She places them in a sack and drags them back to her cave where she boils them alive for her favorite stew. Her sons join her and do all that they can to terrify the children before they're stuffed in Grýla's sack (because scared kids are tastier!) one is named 'the door slammer' and another 'the sausage swiper', one of them goes around stealing candles so the children are left in the dark. If you haven't heard of Grýla and her family yet go do a quick Wiki search, you're in for a treat! . #folktaleweek2018 #Gryla #christmaswitch #instawitch #witchesofinstagram #folktale #fairytale #folklore #fable #forest_of_twinkling_fireflies #iceland #kidlit #kidlitart #childrensbookillustration #childrensillustration #childrenswritersguild #illustragram #illustratenow #illustrationartists #illustrationoftheday #illustratorsofinstagram #illustratorsoninstagram #kidsillustration #artforchildren #whimsyillos #whimsicalart #best_of_illustrations #scarystories

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As with Santa Claus, Grýla is a cautionary tale used to get children to behave, not a creature adults believe in themselves.

You can see her depicted in statues and other artwork all over Iceland – even in airports – and you won’t have any trouble seeing why Icelandic kids are probably very, very nice when the season is upon them.

I’m inspired to be a little kinder myself, even!

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