Author: Matt Gilligan

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Jobs That Exist Because People Are Stupid

There’s no arguing that at least some professions only exist because a majority of humans have no idea how to take care of things themselves.

I’m not talking about specialized stuff like plumbing and electrical, but things that literally anyone could do if they just took the time to learn it.

These 17 Redditors were definitely ready and willing to tell us all the ways people are so spectacularly lazy and dumb that we had to create whole jobs because of it.

17. I mean…I guess necessary, but really boring.

I’m a self serve gas station attendant.

Honestly, the only reason i’m here is to slap the emergency stop button if someone starts pumping gas outside their car/gas can. Oh, and shut off the pumps when I leave.

16. See also: tax professionals.

My job – Financial Advisor.

Save money for retirement – at least 10% of what you earn, gross, in an IRA or employer-sponsored plan. Put it in growth mutual funds or ETF’s, and don’t touch it until you’re satisfied you have enough there to live on no more than 4-5% of the balance per year for the rest of your life. Don’t consider individual stocks with this money.

Establish a basic budget based on your post-retirement savings income and current expenses. Do not spend more than you bring in on a regular basis.

Save a little after-tax money from every paycheck in an FDIC-insured savings account. This is your emergency fund. Don’t touch it if you’re not in financial dire straits.

Once you have at least 3 months of expenses covered by that emergency account, keep saving the money, but flow it to another investment vehicle, such as stocks, bonds, CD’s, treasuries, real estate, precious metals… whatever you are comfortable with depending on your goals and risk tolerance that can at least hold value, if not grow it. This is your savings for home, car, vacation, and other major purchases.

With the possible exceptions of purchasing a home or borrowing for education that will actually pay for itself, don’t take on debt. Pay off your credit cards monthly. Pay your bills on time.
If you can’t follow the above, take a hard look at your lifestyle. Either find a way to earn more money, spend less money, or both. Second jobs are sometimes necessary, or many people just need to eat out less, go to bars less, drive a cheaper car, or downgrade their living situation. Don’t give in trying to impress others or looking good on social media; just do you!

15. This is a really underrated answer.

The companies that get you out of timeshares.

14. Just take turns, y’all.

Traffic police in Baltimore.

I was there this summer and the gridlock was atrocious. People push their way into the intersection, the light turns red, and they are stuck there until the light is about to turn red in the opposite direction, at which point those people push their way into the intersection and the cycle perpetuates. During rush hour, they have police standing in the intersections–not to direct traffic, though, simply to hold their hand up when the light turns red so that people don’t push their way into the intersection. Basically, a human has to stand in traffic for hours JUST to tell the drivers what the lights mean. It was unbelievable.

13. In one ear and out the other.

My husband is a Labor and Employment attorney for a massive company and gives monthly seminars to everyone there to not send dick pics/sexually harass one another.

And like clockwork someone in that room does it within a couple weeks.

12. Modern world problems, for sure.

The guys who install rubber padding around telephone and light poles so when we walk and text, we don’t break our noses walking straight into them.

11. All day, every day. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Tier 1 IT support.

Did you try turning it off and on again? Sure you did. Could you blow into the cable to make sure there is no dust in the connec– Oh the cable was loose? How surprising! Have a good day.

10. The signage that’s required on some stuff. Woof.

Safety manager here, a big portion of my job is saying stuff like “please don’t smoke near this flammable liquid” or other things most of us take for granted that people already know.

9. Everyone thinks their dream is to work from home.

I have a side gig doing data entry. I earn $25 USD/hr copying and pasting stuff from a webpage in to an excel spreadsheet, while doing some light formatting.

8. It’s like suddenly everyone is a toddler.

I work in an aquarium and we have what I can best describe as floor guides, which are just staff that interact with people and share interesting info about the exhibits. Realistically while that is part of the job the main reason for these people being out there is to tell people to keep their hands out of the Stingray and Turtle tanks because for some reason beyond my comprehension people don’t naturally get this concept.

At least once a day I hear “well why cant I touch the stingrays” and so far my all time favorite outcome of that question was a kid who said “They have the word Sting in their name”. I have wanted to say that so many times, but am unable.

Edit: since this post got some attention I’d just like to point out that Stingrays are relatively harmless and won’t sting unless they are in fear for their life and have no escape. They want to run away before all else and are actually quite friendly. That being said it isn’t that we don’t trust the Ray’s we just don’t trust the people haha.

Also we do have a touch tank with Ray’s in it, but it is curated and the Barb’s on those Ray’s are trimmed regularly as a further precaution.

7. Computers have really generated a ton of paychecks.

It service help desk.

My job exists because of stupid and let me give you a pro-tip about computers:

Computers don’t break because they don’t do what you tell them to, computers break because they do exactly what you tell them to.

6. Imagine getting paid to do that.

At my university we have a person who’s job is to stand by the garbage area and make sure people dispose of their trash appropriately

5. I mean, you never know I guess. Whatever solves the case!

Psychic detectives: because why trust a professional detective to be intuitive?

4. Are they all from New York City? Because that’s how they roll there, too.

On crowded nights, Disney Springs has employees working at crosswalks at the intersections from the overflow parking lots to tell people when they can cross.

They’re normal intersections that have lights telling you when you can cross.

People just don’t acknowledge them and will try to run across oncoming traffic.

3. You would think trash cans would be foolproof, and yet…

Litter control personnel for public parks and beaches.

2. Is this…a real thing?

Met a guy once – his job was putting dirt on potatoes. Somebody along the supply chain washed them pretty well by the time they got to the grocery. People didn’t trust the clean potatoes. So one guy had to put dirt back on them to make them more authentic.

1. It probably took people just as long to get on board with moving stairs, to be fair.

I had a temp job in a posh department store a few years ago.

The escalator going down from floor 2 to floor 1 had to be taken out to be replaced which took a month. Despite the many, many notices and the signs directing people to the lifts & stairs, a member of staff had to stand at the top of the closed escalator just to direct the public to the lifts and stairs. It broke peoples’ brains and it was worrying to see how many tried to get past the barriers, or got pissed and shouty because there was no escalator.

Like holy shit how did people cope before moving stairs were invented.

I mean…I really can’t argue, can you?

Do you think they left something out? Tell us what in the comments!

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Jobs That Wouldn’t Exist If Humans Were Smarter

I know there’s value in getting paid (like, literally) no matter how you earn your paycheck. We all need to eat and have some fun and buy clothes and maybe a book once in a while, right?

That said, there are some jobs out there that’s mere existence kind of makes you stop and pause – like these 15, that literally only exist because human beings can be really, really dumb about some things.

15. It’s almost impossible to buy an actual ticket from the place that you’re going.

Ticket companies that sell you tickets from ticket companies that sell you tickets

14. Why do we need to know one single thing they print?

Gossip column journalists and paparazzi

13. The bin. Is right. There.

Litter pickers, if people used bins instead of throwing rubbish on the floor they wouldn’t be needed.

12. The dumbest of the dumb.

Meth lab cleaners. It’s pretty sad to see how much this industry is growing in Australia.

11. Why can people not see through this?

Televangelists. I hope I live to see the day people stop giving money to conmen who buy McMansions and private jets and claim they deserve it because God loves them.

10. It’s stunning how many people will drive a boat impaired and not think it’s the same as a car.

People often give the U.S. Coast Guard a lot of crap for being the Coast Guard, but they deal with some of the most dangerous specimen on the planet: Stupid drunks with boats.

9. Also, we could do our own taxes?

My job – Financial Advisor.

Save money for retirement – at least 10% of what you earn, gross, in an IRA or employer-sponsored plan. Put it in growth mutual funds or ETF’s, and don’t touch it until you’re satisfied you have enough there to live on no more than 4-5% of the balance per year for the rest of your life. Don’t consider individual stocks with this money.

Establish a basic budget based on your post-retirement savings income and current expenses. Do not spend more than you bring in on a regular basis.

Save a little after-tax money from every paycheck in an FDIC-insured savings account. This is your emergency fund. Don’t touch it if you’re not in financial dire straits.

Once you have at least 3 months of expenses covered by that emergency account, keep saving the money, but flow it to another investment vehicle, such as stocks, bonds, CD’s, treasuries, real estate, precious metals… whatever you are comfortable with depending on your goals and risk tolerance that can at least hold value, if not grow it. This is your savings for home, car, vacation, and other major purchases.

With the possible exceptions of purchasing a home or borrowing for education that will actually pay for itself, don’t take on debt. Pay off your credit cards monthly. Pay your bills on time.

If you can’t follow the above, take a hard look at your lifestyle. Either find a way to earn more money, spend less money, or both. Second jobs are sometimes necessary, or many people just need to eat out less, go to bars less, drive a cheaper car, or downgrade their living situation. Don’t give in trying to impress others or looking good on social media; just do you!

8. Someone gets paid to do this. Think about that.

M first job out of college was to stand outside of Aldi’s and help the people how to figure out to put the quarter in the slot to release the shopping cart and then, later, how to put the chain back in to get their quarter back.

I said F-That. I stood there all day, baked out of my gord.

7. We really need to learn how to drive already.

Oh god, this reminds me of Atlanta. They have highway signs that tell you how many people have died so far that year in traffic accidents. It’s obscene. It was something like just under a thousand people so far this year in August.

And yet everyone still drives like they’re the only person on the road so fuck it, why not watch youtube on my phone, swerve between lanes with no advance warning, and tailgate like i’m trying to drive through the other car. It’s fucking terrifying and I was only there for three days and now I never want to go back. Ever. Just knowing that there are people who treat five lanes of traffic like it’s a goddamn go-kart track makes me want to vomit.

6. Sure, we need lawyers for some stuff…right?

Attorney. 90% of our work is spent on 10% of our clients. Then they blame us for getting in trouble after doing what we told them not to do. Basically stupid people keep us employed.

5. The painted lines aren’t helping.

Watched a woman stop halfway across a crosswalk in a busy intersection to text. Oblivious to everything until cars started honking. And then she flipped them off.

4. I’m sure it definitely wasn’t his fault, though.

Computer repair for the most part.

Probably half of all the things I had to repair were extremely silly mistakes that could have been avoided by simply reading.

Whenever people get an error message, they panic and click it away. Most don’t even read it, when reading it could already help you fix it.

I remember one guy who said he didn’t want to pay us to put a sim card in his phone. I completely understand this, because it’s overpriced as hell. But we still told him to make sure to take the nano-sim out of the holder it came in, in order for it to fit in his phone.

10 minutes later, he came back because he ruined his phone trying to forcefully push the sim card AND the holder into the socket of his phone.

3. I doubt even someone else blowing up would drive the point home.

Dude, I work in Haz-Waste for EHS. Every month I find some idiot right next to my 90 day shed, smoking right underneath the “no smoking” sign

For real dude? There’s like 200 gallons of class 1 flammables 10 feet from you…

2. I’m surprised it took so long for someone to say this.

All the jobs at MLM companies.

1. To be fair, the rules about recycling are confusing (probably because it’s all a sham).

My school had a massive issue with recycling getting contaminated.

It got so bad at one point that the company refused to take their recycling for a few months. They decided to redesign all the bins to make it super clear what you can and can’t recycle, and the recycling bins are always next to a trash can so it’s never more work to recycle.

People still throw food and trash in the recycling bins and vis versa.

I’ve never really thought too much about some of these, but yeah. Not necessary if we were a planet full of smart people!

What would you add to the list? Tell us in the comments!

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People Who Had Zero Sex Ed Recall How They Learned the Basics

If you live in the U.S., there’s a good chance that your sex education was lacking. A few lectures in middle school, maybe an awkward talk from your parents, and everyone assumed you were good to go.

While that definitely wasn’t true thirty years ago, the advent of the internet and the shocking availability of porn may have rendered the “what goes where” talk completely pointless to Gen Z (and beyond).

These 16 people, though, had absolutely zero clue what was going to happen the first time they were intimate with another human being, and they’re willing to dish on just how they figured it all out.

16. Bless their hearts.

Still better than a couple my dad once counseled.

They didn’t understand why they hadn’t conceived after trying for a year.

Turns out there was a slight language barrier – they didn’t understand that “sleep together” was a euphemism.

They were literally just lying next to each other every night.

15. He didn’t know you had to move it.

This was in 1998.

I was M 17, she was F 18. We had the day set. I drove around for like a week trying to find a “spot”. I found one inside a wilderness preserve. The day comes, it was late, dark outside. We were in a tiny truck, the front on of the truck, not the bed. I knew it had to be hard, and where it went, and that was the end of my knowledge. So, she had a condom, I put it on, and I put it in. And.. I… didn’t… move… I just put it in and laid there perfectly still. Needless to say, it didn’t take long for things to go south. Now, I had masturbated plenty in my life, but I honestly thought that had nothing to do with the movements required for actual sex. So, it went soft, I was embarrassed, and I got out of the truck. The condom was no longer really useful. She told me to throw it out and try again. I was worried, but she reassured me that it would be fine. She ended up telling me a lot of lies over the next few years. (Actually, it was fine, but that was still dumb on our part). Anyway, I manually got hard, trying to hide what I was doing from her.

This time, I did the “masturbate” movements while I was inside her, even it it made me seem like a weirdo by moving during sex, just trying to make something happen. Well, it happened, and I was relieved. Now, to get out of there. I had pulled into an area of the woods where there was a small pull in. When I reversed out, I reversed into a ditch. Not a large ditch, but definitely stuck in the mud now. No amount of forward or reverse would get us out. We had no phones, this was just before cell phones became common. So, we began a 1-mile walk through this wilderness preserve at night. Talk about being scared. We came across a house, a random house with a big dog. I wanted to skip that house, but it was the only one for another mile. So, we went to the door, knocked, and told the suspicious home owner we were stuck and asked to use their phone. I had a friend, actually more of an acquaintance, with a truck. I had to guess at his dad’s name to look them up in the phone book. I got a hold of him, and then we waited with these strangers for 30 minutes or more. He shows up, pulls my truck out, and charges me for gas money.

I get home way past curfew, I’m grounded from seeing her anymore. Of course, that doesn’t stop me, I was a man as of that night. Albeit an awkward man. I went on later to marry that girl.

14. It’s quite the realization.

I grew up super duper religious.

My mom didn’t even really explain what my period was. I went to school and they provided information like sex ed and period education, but I never really got it. From the diagrams, I never figured a penis could/would get hard. So for YEARS I honestly though that both people would lie on their backs and kinda jenga their genitals together yoga style.

But then I was like 14 and I found out that a PENIS CAN GO FROM SOFT TO HARD LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??? Is it a solid or a liquid?!?!

Turns out if you do it right, its both

13. I literally don’t know what to say.

Never received any Sex Ed when I was younger. While watching porn I always thought “why doesn’t his schlong have the extra bit of skin mine does?”

Time goes on and my first gf is coming over to mine for the first time when my parents aren’t home. This is it. Time to lose the V plates. But wait… this extra bit of skin on my cum gun hasn’t fallen off yet!

So, in a panic, I decide to get the scissors and just snip off this excess skin. Had them primed and ready to slice my banjo string when I get a knock at the door. My gf had inadvertently saved me from savagely mutilating my own genitals.

Thankfully she was more educated on the topic and got me through losing my virginity unharmed

12. There’s a certain danger in that.

We learned in biology how reproductive organs work but they didn’t mention sex.

They just spoke about each individually.

I learned about sex from porn.

11. I mean. That’s part of it.

I had only seen sex on tv. And of course on tv they never show them actually having sex so I thought people just viciously tore their clothes off and then lay in bed naked

10. I think that’s what the world wants you to think is the “standard.”

I grew thinking all humans had penises. Like I was even shown a vagina one time and I thought they had tucked it in smh

9. I don’t think it would have taken long to figure out that wouldn’t work.

I remember learning from porn that the testicles do not actually go in the vagina. Just glad I got that little tid-bit sorted out before my big moment

8. I’m not sure this is the right area to self-teach in.

Didn’t receive any proper sex ed classes at school or any talks from my parents. I just accidentally stumbled upon porn when I was really young. Like in middle school/elementary school and as I got older. I did research on the female vagina. Mainly just studied the diagrams and learned how everything worked. So you can say I self taught myself.

My first time was still pretty bad, but it could’ve been MUCH worse.

7. This is a whole lot of information.

Throwaway cuz this shits fucking embarrassing.

I was very sheltered, like absolutely no movies with sex and even kissing scenes had to be skipped/eyes averted. Always taught not to kiss until marriage. Sex was taboo, and to this day I still have some irrational shame talking openly about it. The only people I socialized with at all were like me, extremely sheltered and old fashioned (small town, small church, small school). Had “sex ed”, but it never actually taught us about sex, just basic anatomy – I think it was 20 minutes once a year, only in grade 5 and 6.

First time I got a boner, maybe 13 idk but I thought the head of my dick was gonna fall off as soon as the foreskin pulled back behind that edge and it freaked me out. I sat on the toilet for a good while just holding the foreskin forward until it went away on its own.

First time I masturbated I was I think 17. My dick was disgusting. Because I had never done it before and never really played with my dick at all, and nobody told me anything about cleaning it, there was years of dick cheese (aka dead skin and all that stuff) that built up into a several mm thick layer under my foreskin. I don’t remember a smell, but hard to imagine how there wasn’t one.

One night I had a boner randomly in bed and I got super annoyed and just looked at it, and a piece of this dick cheese was sticking out from the edge of the foreskin and starting to come off… so I just carefully (holy shit it was sensitive) pealed it off. Then some more, then some more…it felt amazing. Like pealing dried glue off your finger nails had sex with, well, having sex and this was its baby. I eventually ran out of this nasty fucking shit to clean off but by then I realized that moving the foreskin back and forth on my dick felt amazing…so I kept doing it. Then I sped up. Then I came. Then I knew. I had never cum before then except from wet dreams, and I 100% was convinced I was sterile. So seeing that white stuff come out was almost better than the orgasm itself.

The interesting thing is I’d been looking at porn for years by that point, but somehow masturbation had never even crossed my mind. I just didn’t know it was a thing people did. Someone at school asked me if I masturbated in grade 9 and I didn’t even know what the word meant so I had to go home and look it up, and I tried a few different web searches but all I found was that its when guys “put their penis between the mattress and boxspring and thrust”. Which I thought was super fucking weird and painful and why do that. To this day I have no idea how nothing more explicit came up on that altavista search but that’s how I remember it.

To this day I’m actually pretty self conscious about the whole thing. Like how fucking dense was I that I took so long to figure such a basic human exercise out? How disgusting is it that I didn’t figure out how to clean my own dick? Wtf was I thinking about when I looked at all that porn? Am I fucking autistic? (Probably to some extent).

6. It’s important to have an understanding (and willing) partner.

When I was 16, I was lucky enough to have a girlfriend as inexperienced as I was. All we knew was that we wanted to do naked, sexy stuff together. It took a few nights, but we figured it out.

5. It’s an awkward moment when you realize your parents do it.

A slightly unrelated story about my friend.

I was a year older than her, and told her everything because I had discovered it just discovered it, at 13. She was stunned, and in complete denial, and was about to go and tell my mom that I’d told her about sex.

She kept saying “this is disgusting, my parents could never do that, you’re lying, I’m going to throw up”.

She was literally shaking, and took hours of convincing to get her to not tell my mom.

4. WHERE DID THEY HEAR THIS.

As a parent, I had to explain to my then 6 and 8 year old that no, sex isn’t “when a boy sticks his penis in a girl’s butthole.”

They had a friend who told them that’s what sex was and I just imagined the poor children who never learn any different going into sex for the first time thinking it goes in the booty.

We will explain it all in more detail at some point when they’re a little older but I just think they needed to know they weren’t getting accurate information.

3. There’s always that one buddy at school.

My buddy told me all about it.

The school or my father never mentioned it besides telling me not to have “sex” with my girlfriend years later.

2. You would think, with all of those kids, they’d be more open to discussing how they plan to populate the earth.

I was homeschooled, raised with cattle, and fairly conservative Mormon parents who did not acknowledge sex.

Having participated in several artificial insemination procedures by the age of 10, I thought for the longest time that pregnancy happened when an illiterate cowboy brought a teeny baby cow and shoved it up the ass of a momma cow, or when one got married you requested a baby and a cowboy would show up at your door to shove it on up there.

Luckily, we got the internet in 1998, and I finally learned that a woman got pregnant when a man with a mustache came on her face.

1. Just watch how the other animals do it!

Farm kids learned by example unless exceptionally dense. I remember my little sister asking why the bull kept trying to jump over the cows.

I mean, it’s not all that weird. Hundreds of years ago, people just…figured it out. We’re just one more animal on earth, after all!

If you fall into the “no sex ed” category, we’d love to hear your story in the comments!

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Professions Where The Word “Oops” Is As Bad As It Gets

There are some jobs where mishaps happen regularly, and everyone just laughs and fixes it and moves on with their day. And sure, maybe sometimes it is a big deal, but still not like a big deal, you know?

Then there are jobs like these 17, where hearing someone say “oops” is enough to make your heart fall out of your butt.

17. There was blood, I assume. And maybe lost appendages.

Chef when they’re chopping things with a knife.

It was bad.

16. One more reason to hate going to the dentist.

I legit had a dentist say this one time while he was working on my teeth.

I immediately tensed up and tried asking “what happened” but my mouth was forced open, and as soon as he heard me say something he told me to “try not to talk” and so I had no choice but to go back to just…being still.

For some reason once he was all done, I either forgot to ask what happened or I intentionally decided not to. But yea, that was incredibly frightening, even if it seems nothing major came of it.

15. Sometimes your fingers just get carried away.

IT. “Oops” in IT can mean anything from “Oops, accidentally reset the wrong password” to “Oops, accidentally pushed a patch requiring a reboot and now every server is rebooting”.

14. Hahahaha WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING.

So I DID hear someone say oops, while I was getting a needle aspiration biopsy for thyroid cancer, and they were looking to see where to go in with an ultrasound.

The doctor takes a stab and the radiology tech goes, “Oops, nope, that’s her jugular.”

And they just like kind of laughed and shrugged and kept going, so apparently I was the only one who found that untoward.

13. Heart attack in the making.

I actually heard a “whoops” when I was on the operating table and awake during my c-section–this was after the kiddo was out.

Then I heard some muttering that was mildly worrying and they called in a specialist surgeon and told me what was going on (my bladder sustained some damage, needed to be fixed), then they knocked me out and I woke up pretty much fine a few hours later with everything fixed. Still, it was not what you wanted to hear when you’re on the table helpless, and it unnerved my husband who suddenly had a newborn headed to the NICU (he was also fine, in the end) and a wife needing more surgery.

12. At least try to act like it’s a big deal to you, too.

I have two personal experiences that fit this, but maybe weren’t that bad.

1.) I was getting a colonoscopy, and the anesthesiologist comes in to go over the process with me and drops his clipboard making papers go flying everywhere. He drops down to pick them up and huffs under his breath “Ugh it’s just one of those days”. I was like, great, I am gonna die.

2.) I had to get a wisdom tooth taken out. The dentist comes in wearing flip flops, shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, and is limping. Plops down on his seat and goes “here we go!”. It totally looked like he woke up hungover as balls to come operate on my mouth.

11. I would have had a panic attack. Those are my eyes!

I heard precisely that during my LASIK surgery in 2002.

Yes, they had a software problem. I was mildly sedated, but not out. To my annoyance, I heard them talking about Windows for Workgroups. The machine was certified to use them.

Yes, my eye is fine.

10. That is not how medicine is supposed to work.

I once went to the doctor because i had an issue with a nail root on my finger. He just said “hmm i don’t know what that is… lets try cutting it”

I promptly started bleeding all over the table and he goes. “Huh, well that was probably a bad idea..”

I should really change doctors.

9. This really happened, you guys.

Presidential candidate, apparently:

PERRY: And I will tell you, it is three agencies of government when I get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see.

(LAUGHTER)

PAUL: You need five.

PERRY: Oh, five, OK. So Commerce, Education, and the…

(UNKNOWN): EPA?

PERRY: EPA, there you go.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

HARWOOD: Seriously, is the EPA the one you were talking about?

PERRY: No, sir, no, sir. We were talking about the agencies of government — the EPA needs to be rebuilt. There’s no doubt about that.

HARWOOD: But you can’t — but you can’t name the third one?

PERRY: The third agency of government I would — I would do away with, Education, the…

(UNKNOWN): Commerce.

PERRY: Commerce and, let’s see. I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.
Rick Perry was considered a possible frontrunner until his ‘oops’ moment, and then it all crumbled around him, with the Guardian notably calling it ‘one of the most humiliating debate performances in recent US political history’. Within four years, he went from ‘potential President’ to guest on Dancing with the Stars.

In case you’re wondering, it really is that uncomfortable to watch.

8. You definitely don’t want to hear that.

Bungee jump operator (no idea what the actual job title is but I’m sure you know what I mean)

7. That would surely cause some panic.

a pilot.

6. I bet they do it just to mess with people.

A tattoo artist

5. Maybe it hasn’t been that dire…yet.

Oddly enough people have said oops a surprising amount and nothing’s really happened

countries(mostly US) have lost a terrifying amount of nuclear weapons

The US specifically is not good with nuclear weapons. One missile silo was reported as being wide open and the operators were asleep, they ordered a pizza and the pizza guy just found a nuclear weapon which he could have gotten a friend and launched.

4. Ideally, you want to keep people from freaking out.

This isn’t as critical as some jobs but when I was in school for Computer IT in the late 90’s our teacher always emphasized that if we ever have to make a house call to fix a person’s computer, never say oops, people freak out.

That said, I never want to hear the guy in charge of hitting the nuclear launch button say “oops!”.

3. At least your hair grows back, though.

Barber

2. There’s always one smartass in the group.

A mime.

1. He/She seems awfully chill about this now.

Had a tattoo artist say it while tattooing the inside of my lip.

Got the tattoo for free and to this day I have a hidden typo.

I’m having palpitations just imagining the potential scenarios, y’all!

Have you ever been in the room when one of these “oopsies” happened? Tell us the story in the comments!

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People Share How They Landed Their Super Obscure Jobs

There are all kinds of people, and we all have different strengths, weaknesses, and interests – so it follows that, ideally, there’s some type of work that fits everyone.

I imagine in can be hard to find the right fit, if you’re someone who doesn’t enjoy things that are considered mainstream, but these 15 people didn’t give up until they found their perfect job.

15. And you’re doing a good deed, too.

I mix fire retardant for fighting wildfires.

A lot of people know that airplanes drop retardant on fires but don’t think about the millions of dollars of infrastructure that is behind that operation.

Everyone who works at my base started by working at the local ski resort.

It’s a good way to earn enough money in the summer to coast all winter so we keep the jobs among fellow ski bums.

14. I’m really glad people do this work.

Water Quality testing.

I go around and collect samples for various testing to ensure the water meets the state standards.

I got lucky and met someone who was volunteering at my previous job and she told me to apply.

Was not the direction I saw my career going but it was definitely worth it.

13. Sometimes the work just finds you.

Mine isn’t necessarily weird but how I fell into it was!

Around 10 years ago I was working in the IT industry, I decided to help my dad out one weekend sell hunting gear at a military expo (basically antique military gear and army disposal). One of the sellers had a ‘vampire killing kit’. Knowing very little about antiques at the time I pulled out each piece, checking them over. The story checked out, did some research on my phone throughout the day and found out that it could be a fake in two ways. It could be a kit put together by someone out of antique pieces to make it seem real. And technically even if it was authentic it was a Victorian fake. With the fear of vampires in the late 19 century, con men put together vampire killing kits and sold them to rich businessmen visiting Europe.

What stood out to me though was the main reason I bought it. In the middle of the kit was a crucifix with an ivory inlay, that doubled as a god damn percussion pistol!!! Long story short I took a chance spent $1000 on it and got persecuted by my father for such a dumb move, I didn’t have much in my savings at the same. I took it to Ripley’s Believe It Or Not in Australia and they flew someone out from the US to look at it which was pretty exciting. Within 5 minutes of looking at it they offered me a ridiculous sum of money for what I thought was a large investment to begin with.

While in ways I do regret selling the kit, it allowed me to start a career in the antiques trade. Five years later I moved to the UK to study a degree and now I specialise in rare obscure antiques that have allowed me to travel all around the world sourcing new weird objects!

P.s don’t worry, I gave my dad a cut of the vampire kit profits for believing in me ?

12. A line of work I bet many would enjoy.

My jobs not weird.

I’m a welder. But what I do isn’t very common.

I build Virginia Class Submarines.

11. That’s some stringent screening process.

I used to cut pictures of weewees and hohas off packaging of adult toys. All day every day. I got the job by being able to pass a drug test.

The interview Boss: can you pass a drug test Me: yes Boss: you sure? Because if you don’t pass I won’t hire you. Me: I understand Boss if I pay for your piss test and you fail I’ll be mad. Me: I haven’t smoked in like 3 months don’t worry.

10. Those aptitude tests can be awesome.

I work as an Air Traffic Controller. Not weird but not many of us around.

I pretty much fell into it after passing an aptitude and it’s just been swell since.

Albeit, the classic phrase from strangers: isn’t that the job with the most suicides?

It might be, but I don’t know anyone. It’s actually super chill and rewarding when you get it right. (We always try get it right, but when you get it super right you’re dead pleased).

9. I am completely jealous.

Im diver. When i was 13 i started diving and in the army, i did it, too. So i love my job now as an underwater worker

8. You get a little thrill every single day, I bet.

I don’t know if this is obscure, but my boyfriend is a high rise window cleaner. There are only 4 in our city. He loves his job! Sometimes when he is working, I will go to the city to the building he is cleaning and look up at him on the street. So cute.

7. He/She makes kids happy every single day!

I design water parks.

I went to college for Graphic Design and Advertising. In my last year I had to do an internship, so I took one at an aquatic engineering firm to help organize photos. 10 years later I am a project manager and create resort deck and water park programs.

6. You CAN make a living as an artist, then!

I’m a potter.

Not sure if that fits the bill for weird. I used to be the manager for a museum art school, and began taking classes there years ago.

Eventually transitioned into being a full time potter and pottery teacher.

5. It’s nice unless you ever want to eat out again.

I have a job tracking rodents in restaurants. I set up cameras, movement sensors, IR sensors and other gear, and get an idea of the problem and how to fix it.

Here’s a video of a couple of teenage girls checking out one of my cameras.

Sometimes I’m in a hot roof area of a restaurant trying to get the super rats to back off and let me work. I use a Bluetooth speaker and prodigy on full volume. Who knew rats don’t like prodigy?

Despite that, I love my job and the pay is pretty good.

4. Etsy has made life so much easier for so many.

Not terribly weird, but definitely unique. I own a handmade business and I make cool things out of felted sheeps wool. It started so I could have extra cash to pay off my nursing school loans. Then I quit my nursing job. Now I am a top 1% seller on Etsy and get to sit around and craft fun and colorful items that I ship all around the world.

3. I hope you didn’t fall in love with your own hand.

I used to be a hand model.

Apparently I have really really good looking hands. Although they look completely normal to me.

People were always asking me how I got into it so it was fun to bullshit people I was “discovered” on the street, now I moisturize 15 times a day and sleep with my hands in plastic bags….

The money was great but I’d have to spend long days on set being careful not to wreck my manicure. (Which they paid for of course! Also paid for the time it took to get the manicure)

Mostly did tv commercials

Now I tell people at parties I’m a retired international hand model but gave up show business for the much more worthwhile and rewarding career of teaching kids to read….

2. They need to be guarded, though?

In the summer I guard and clean the toilet units (not the toilets) for festivals. I got the job trying to find a cheap way to go to the big festivals and this organisation was looking for volunteers.

So all I have to do is stand in front of the units, make sure the ground stays clean, everyone had toilet paper and clear a block of units so the cleaning team can do their job.

Another part of the job is making sure no one dies or passes out in such an unit. You can’t imagine how many drunk (often naked) people we need to get out of these units and escort them to the First Aid.

1. Woot! Another art student making their way.

I’m a chyron operator.

I trigger motion graphics on live tv. I was an art student and also was in stage crew in high school.

These things got me jobs backstage in theater, which got me a job in TV doing normal stuff like cameraman and stuff like that. Since I was an art major I asked if I could do graphics and they let me on the weekends, and my specialty eventually turned to the chyron which ingests the graphics that artists make and plays them back through the switcher that controls the news broadcast. It’s not technically an art position but at my job specifically I could make the graphics in after effects and photoshop during the day (if I have a computer free) and in the afternoon I play the chyron.

Usually you are one or the other, because chyron operators don’t need art skills, it’s just another tech job like audio operator or camera operator or stage manager or whatever. These kinds of jobs are getting rarer because they are being automated.

But since I’m also an artist I get to keep my job because if someone leaves I can take their job.

The only way to live is doing a job you love – or at least don’t hate – every single day, so don’t settle!

Do you have an interesting or odd job? Tell us what it is and how you got it in the comments!

The post People Share How They Landed Their Super Obscure Jobs appeared first on UberFacts.

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Is Sex With People You Don’t Live With Now Illegal in the United Kingdom?

Obviously, 2020 has been an absolutely wild ride so far.

Yet, even in a year when headlines routinely outshine the most bizarre imaginations, some things still manage to be surprising. Such as the various news outlets this month which have been reporting that sex is now largely illegal in the UK. Or, more specifically, sex with people you don’t already live with. So what’s going on here?

Let’s take a closer look.

Photo Credit: iStock

The motivation

When you hear about a law like this, your mind might leap to antiquated, prudish, Puritanical motives surrounding sexuality, like how some U.S. states still technically have statues outlawing “sodomy.”

But that’s not what we’re looking at here.

In fact, the sex aspect is sort of incidental; collateral damage taken as a part of trying to repair a larger problem.

Photo Credit: iStock

It’s about the virus

Like pretty much the entire world, the UK has implemented lockdown restrictions this year to slow the spread of disease.

The things that are officially off limits by law (for now) are indoor gatherings, which, as Mashable reports, are defined as:

“when two or more people are present together in the same place in order to engage in any form of social interaction with each other, or to undertake any other activity with each other.”

Obviously, if you can’t go over to someone’s house to hang out, you can’t go over to have sex. At least, not without risking a fine.

Photo Credit: iStock

Is this new?

Sort of.

The main difference with the legislation that went into effect at the start of June is that before, the “guest” would be in trouble, but now, both/all parties involved could face consequences.

The main gist of the “stay the hell at home” guidelines really haven’t changed much, and in fact have generally loosened as the year has gone on.

Is there any way around this?

There are, of course, various exceptions to the lockdown rules, though certainly none of them are designed to give you an excuse to go get your freak on.

Social gatherings are still allowed in outdoor spaces, though outdoor/public sex is and always has been illegal and would likely get you into a whole lot more trouble than a simple lockdown violation, so no loophole there either.

Photo Credit: iStock

What happens to people who break this law?

Not much.

The default fine is £100 (about $123), which for most people is enough to sting but not enough to mess up your life. As with everywhere else, authorities in the UK really do not have the interest in nor the resources for running around punishing every last lockdown violation; the point of the law is get enough people to behave responsibly so that the virus can remain at least relatively under control.

For some, that may mean some more lonely nights.

What do you think of all this?

Let us know in the comments.

The post Is Sex With People You Don’t Live With Now Illegal in the United Kingdom? appeared first on UberFacts.

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Don’t Wanna Risk the Bars During Rona? Try Bar in a Jar!

Can’t make it out to the bars right now? Or feel like maybe it’s a bad idea? That’s probably wise. Fortunately, keeping it to a night in doesn’t mean you have to give up all the fun of the bar experience.

In fact, you can customize and retain a lot of it for way less money than you’d likely spend on a night on the town. One idea that’s been getting a lot of traction for the at-home party / gift idea is the “Bar in a Jar” – basically just a customized collection of drinks festively set in one container for your sipping pleasure!

It’s an easy idea that truly is the complete package. Check out some of these examples that might provide inspiration for your bar in a jar project!

Life’s a Beach

This beach themed container was posted a while back by Instagram account boozekays, which specialized in creating personalized alcoholic arrangements. You can see here how adding just a few simple, inexpensive materials to the display really creates a sense of theme and fun.

The Open Bar

This gift idea comes via the decorating blog Shabby Creek Cottage. They’ve got an entire rundown on how to easily make your own – starting with some simple supplies:

• A large jar with lid (big enough to hold several small bottles)
• 5-7 small bottles of alcohol
• Adhesive Vinyl
• Transfer Tape
• Silhouette Machine + tools

You can see the rest of the instructions here.

Neon Lights

This specialty lid decoration is available from KylerDesigns on etsy for just 8 bucks. Download and print out instantly!

Mason Jar Cocktail Gifts

The website msrachelhollis.com has another guide on a slightly different style of bar jar that’s perfect for gifts of all kinds!

Source: Rachel Hollis

So, if you wanna get to having/spreading some fun but not exactly, yanno, out in the world, turn your boredom into creativity with a bar in a jar! Now if only we could figure out how to fit a steakhouse into one of these things…

Have you tried something like this? How did it turn out?

Let us know in the comments.

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Woman Recreates Cliché Travel Instagram Photos in Her Apartment During the Shutdown

2020 has really sucked so far.

And if you’re a person who regularly travels for business or pleasure, you know that’s it’s been a big adjustment being stuck at home and pretty much not being able to go ANYWHERE.

Travel blogger Sharon Waugh is based in South Africa but she, like all of us, is also stuck at home. So what’s a travel enthusiast to do…?

Waugh decided to spend her time recreating cliché travel photos that you routinely see people post on Instagram in her apartment and they are funny and totally spot-on.

Take a look at her photos. We think they’re great!

1. High on the mountaintop…

But now in your kitchen.

2. The Sydney Opera House.

Nice placement with the dishes, at least…

3. Jump for joy!

But do it inside for now.

4. Oh, to be at the beach…

Don’t try to surf with that ironing board.

5. Come right this way.

Doesn’t quite have the same look to it, does it?

6. Getting out in nature.

The great indoors.

7. Yayyyy! Oh, wait…

Hmmmm, well, this will have to do for now.

8. The Taj Mahal.

I love this one!

9. All the love in the world.

We’ll get back to it soon!

10. Definitely an “influencer” photo.

Get out of the road!

11. Close enough…

Gotta do the best with what you have.

12. Nailed that pose!

The lighting works, too!

Those are great!

Let’s hope that we can all travel to REAL places sooner than later.

Where is the FIRST place you want to go when it’s safe to travel again?

Talk to us in the comments!

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Funny Tweets From Parents That We Think You’ll Enjoy

Parents…we feel your pain right now.

Everyone has been crammed together for so long that we’re all going a little crazy. And the kids…oh, those kids.

Aren’t they just delightful when they’re not allowed to do anything with their friends?

We all know that the statement above is meant to be sarcastic, right?

Parents, read through these funny tweets and at the very least, you’ll realize that you are not alone in your madness right now.

1. That’ll show him!

You gotta mess with them a little bit. Trust me.

2. That is a brilliant strategy.

Now is the time to turn it around.

3. Just let him be.

Being a superhero takes a lot of work.

4. Dammit! Knew that was gonna happen.

Are we missing anything else?

5. I think about 85% of people on the road are doing this.

Are you one of them? Don’t lie!

6. Planting people all day.

Kind of cool name, though…

7. Why the hell not?

What do you have to lose?

8. It can always get worse.

MUCH WORSE.

9. Same here…

Do you think she’ll listen to you?

10. They are remarkable.

And you never know what’s next!

11. This is great!

Giving the mascot the third degree.

12. Pass the Farmer John, please.

Just go with it and don’t tell her until she’s a teenager.

13. You’ll learn this lesson. 

One way or another…

Are those accurate, or what?

I think we all know the answer to that…

Moms and dads: now we want to hear from you!

In the comments, tell us how parenting during the lockdown is working for you.

We want to hear it all!

The good, the bad, and the very, very ugly!

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This Sweet Pit Bull Is Pregnant and Absolutely Glowing

Pregnancy is a huge deal, no matter your species. It’s tough on your body, on your confidence, and also your mental health – and I have to imagine all of that goes at least double for a heavily pregnant pooch whose owners decided they didn’t want her anymore.

People are terrible.

This is Mama Pickles – a 2 yo Pit Bull that was found wandering, alone and pregnant, before ending up at a shelter.

The original shelter couldn’t offer her all of the support she needed, and so she went to Pits & Giggles, a non-profit organization that specializes in caring for pregnant dogs, nursing dogs, and their puppies. Mama Pickles was very, very heavy with pups but also happy to be among friends.

Like most who rescue dogs, volunteer (and professional photographer) Lauren Casteen Sykes is proud of the work they do, caring for these special mamas, and she also takes pride in the pictures she takes that will hopefully find mama and babies homes when they’re ready to go their separate ways.

Posted by Kimbocar on Friday, February 7, 2020

She and the others fell in love with Mama Pickles, and I think it really shines through in her beautiful maternity shoot.

Pickles gave birth not long after the original shoot, to 8 healthy (all girl!) puppies – and of course, some followup images were needed.

Posted by Kimbocar on Friday, February 7, 2020

I am all atwitter over these pictures, y’all – she looks way better than I did at this stage of pregnancy and motherhood!

Posted by Kimbocar on Friday, February 7, 2020

Kudos to Pickles for making it through, and here’s hoping she never has to go through this again – her next family should be her forever family, right?

I want her myself!

The post This Sweet Pit Bull Is Pregnant and Absolutely Glowing appeared first on UberFacts.