Author: Erica Diaz

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People Divulge The Absolute Best Break Up Lines They’ve Ever Heard

Nobody likes pick-up lines delivered unironically.

We have no idea why Hollywood let people believe they actually work for anything other than a laugh (which might be a solid angle if you’re generally funny) but if you’re expecting someone to melt because you gave them a “How YOU doin’?” then you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

Having said all that, the idea of something that functions as the opposite of a pick up line is something LOTS of people like.

Reddit user Jamicandude69 asked: 

“IF people used ‘break up lines’ instead of ‘pick up lines’ what would some of them be??”

Honestly, people are hilariously savage.

Enjoy!

Treasure

“They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.”

– giantcabbage_

“Dang, that one has sharp edges.”

– LettuceJizz

“Reminds me of ‘if only there was someone who actually loved you’ from Frozen ?”

– kurt200

“That line was surprisingly savage for a kids’ movie.”

“I just remember loudly and involuntarily going ‘daaaaaamn dude’ when I watched it for the first time with my son.”

– dalevis

Weighing Me Down

“Hey, are you an anchor? Because you’ve done nothing but weigh me down.”

– ExistentialBob

“This’ll work great if you can work in relationSHIP, ya know to really nail home the ship pun.”

– Plasmashark4

“I don’t sea why not.”

– ExistentialBob

“I used this line in my wedding speech!”

” ‘I love you with all my heart. You’re like my anchor.’  *pause for group awww* ‘…you’re always weighing me down’ *room erupts in laughter* “

“Wife wasn’t as pleased, but I’m a sucker for a good laugh lol”

– brodo87

Bad Reception

“Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.”

– _iPood_

“I have a new pet name for you, baby. It’s ‘T-Mobile’ because we’re breaking up.”

– truth__bomb

“My dumbass would even realize I was being broken up with.”

“I would’ve been like ‘Nope, not going through a tunnel, must be spotty reception.’ “

– RiggityRyne

“This one is best used when said right to there face followed by fake static noises (think crumbling paper) “

– ramonpasta

Continental Drift

“Are we tectonic plates? Because we’re drifting apart.”

– comrade_batman

“The friction between us has left me crumpled and quaking with anger.”

– gaviniboom

“Are we a fault line? Cause all there is between us is friction and future devastation.”

– Devlee12

“The use of tectonic plates could also be used as the pick up line for the same person. For example:”

” ‘Are you a tectonic plate? Cause I’d love to to ram into you with force resulting in tremendous friction and heat.’ “

– [Reddit]

Covering Ground

“We need to cover more ground so we should split up.”

– HyperNathan

“Call me Fred because I’m honestly not sure if splitting up is the right decision right now. but it feels like it probably is.”

– allToast

“Hey girl, are we the Scooby-Doo gang? Because I think we should split up and look for new clues.”

– A-A-RONS7

Celestial Bodies

“You remind me of Halley’s Comet. I don’t wanna see you again for another 74 years.”

– Victim_of_Conscience

“So you’re telling me there’s a chance?”

– oatmeal28

“But I would like to see Halley’s Comet more often than that, and I would prefer to just never see my ex again…”

– sticktoyaguns

“You’re the sun of my life, so please stay 93.79 million miles away from me.”

– personbelowmeistrash

A New Issue

“Hey girl, are you a newspaper? Because there’s a new issue with you every f*cking day.”

– ghostofoutkast

“I had a guy once tell me I had more issues than a magazine.”

“I thought it was kinda clever, but we’d only been talking for a couple weeks and this was in response to my telling him I didn’t want to date, so I also thought it was a bit dramatic on his part.”

– MissBanana_

“Hey girl, are you a newspaper?”

“Because I’m replacing you with a better designed, more entertaining, cheaper way of getting what I need.”

– benchoderashka

“Hey girl, are you a newspaper? Because I’d like to leave you you laying in my driveway for weeks and run you over with my car a few times”

– panzershark

Time Share

“Hey babe are you a time share? Because I’ve been trying to get out of this for like 3 years. You’re a waste of f*cking money and you’re only available when I’m not.”

– WilliamMurderfacex3

“The maintenance fees are too high and nobody wants to trade.”

– NorseZymurgist

“And the only good times I have are blackout dates!”

– AncientMarinade

“.. and when I’m in you I’m always thinking about other places that are more fun.”

– OncewasaBlastocoel

Pure Poetry

“I knew this girl in middle school who would break up with boys by saying:”

” ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.’ “

– ledge-14

“Um… so I really wanna thank you for unlocking a core memory. That happened to me in elementary school and I was heart broken even at like age 7.”

– Imacultofpersonality

“Did you know me!?”

“I used this on 2 guys in middle school but they were dweebs. I wasn’t as great as I thought I was at the time.”

“Oh well.”

– ladymethis

Keepin’ It Classy

“I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.”

– bow2sensei

“That is so good. Wish I would have thought to say that as a parting line to my ex-wife!”

– Grace_Upon_Me

“I’m sure there’s a commercial playing right now, Totally Sauvage.”

– dontdoitdoitdoit

Evidence

“Are you a parking ticket? Because you’re evidence that I made a mistake.”

– maleorderbride

“This is actually my favorite. Thank you.”

– wiry1983

A Spark

“I once used this one to explain when pressed.

” ‘It’s like we’re an American outlet and a European plug. There were sparks at first but I just don’t get the energy.’ “

– mstrblueskys

We Deserved Better

“Hey girl are you season eight of Game of Thrones? Because I never want to see you again and hopefully I can forget you even exist.”

– 300ConfirmedShaves

Childhoods Ruined

“Hey girl, are you movies from my childhood?”

“Because I used to think you were cute and fun but now I see that you’re horrifying and inappropriate in all sorts of ways I never thought of back then.”

– ChronicBitRot

Got a break up line you want to add? Hit us up in the comments!

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Contented Gen Xers In Their 40s Share Their Best Advice For Millennials And Gen Z

Happiness is one of those vague, nebulous, concepts we struggle do define but we all just sort of “get.”

In theory, at least, we understand that happy looks different for everyone. In practice, humans have this really nasty habit of completely and totally forgetting that fact applies to them, too.

Reddit user peeledraspberry asked: 

“People who are 40+ and happy with their life, what is your advice to people in their 20s?” 

Yeah it’s okay for everyone ELSE to struggle, but not you. YOU must be perfect.

Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean, I know we’re all out here sobbing along to “Surface Pressure” for a reason. It’s okay. You’re among friends.

All of us need little reminders every now and then or we end up getting in the way of our own happiness. Let’s take a look at what advice actual happy human beings of Reddit had for the rest of us mere mortals.

Get ON My Lawn

“I hesitate to give advice, being unqualified to do so.”

“Instead, here are some points that may or may not be worthy of consideration:”

“Time is very short, and as you get older it speeds up more and more.”

“Time is more important than money. In theory, you could end up a billionaire. But nobody is ever a ‘time billionaire.’ Rich or poor, you’re gonna get maybe 100 years at the absolute max, and probably not that much.”

“There will be several versions of You as you walk your path, but one version that kind of colors all the other versions. This version you could call ‘the real you’ It pays to spend time figuring out who that real you is.”

“You will have to deal with people. Learn how to leave them happy to have been in your presence, and you will not lack for friends and loved ones.”

“Speaking of loved ones: just because someone is a blood relative, it doesn’t mean they’re worth a shit. If your parent, sibling, or child is a complete a-hole unworthy of your attention, don’t waste further time on them.”

“Find something you love to do, and do that. Do it every day. It doesn’t matter if you make money at it, or get recognition because of it.”

“Do it like Henry Darger did his writing and drawing, and like Vivian Maier did her photography. Do good work. It is its own reward.”

“I am a geezer, 64 years old. It does not have to suck being old. I think it’s f*cking great, for many reasons.”

“If you’re ever in my town, drop by and get ON my lawn.”

– clit-eastwould

Three Things

“I am 40 years old and I have three pieces of advice for anyone in their 20’s”

“One: Accept that perfection doesn’t exist. Your relationships will have problems, your car will break down, someone else will anyways have a better phone, a newer car, or a bigger house than you, no matter where on the social ladder you stand.”

“Constantly chasing perfection will keep you permanently stressed. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to better your life, just know that if you expect perfection you will never be statisfied.”

“Two: Pay attention to your diet and health. I have been working out at least 4 times per week since my mid 20’s. I am fitter, healthier and look younger than almost everyone else my age.”

“Three: Don’t stop doing the things you love. Even though I have a wife, kids, job etc. I still make time to play video games, draw, write stories, read comics, play basketball, listen to music, etc.”

“There is no reason to become a miserable old bastard!”

“People ask how I find time to fit in all these hobbies. Honestly, I have to make the time.”

“Apart from working out (which I do at 6am before everyone else wakes up) I’m not doing these things every day.”

“I only game on the weekend if I get the chance, I read ebooks on my phone when I’m killing time in the day, I may buy a comic 2-3 times a year and I can usually find a few hours in the week to draw.”

“I still make time to chill out with my wife in the evenings and do things with kids. I just fit my hobbies in between them. I also don’t watch much TV or go out, but that’s just me.”

“The point is to make sure you keep doing stuff you actually LIKE.” 

– Denaris21

Turn Around And Change It

“I was a raging alcoholic in my twenties and thought I would never recover from it.”

“I never found a real job using my first degree or my masters. Part of it was because I was always drunk, part of it was the job market at the time.”

“I went back to school in my thirties and found something I like a whole lot more. Now, I’m married, nearly ten years sober, and have a great job.”

“My point is, if you end up on the wrong path or don’t like where you are, there’s always time to turn around and change it. Too many people just assume they’re stuck where they are and stuck with the issues they have.”

– yeahwellokay

Not A Race

“It’s not a race!”

“Stop comparing yourself to others. Just because they did things sooner than you, doesn’t mean they’re happier or better.”

“Try to start good habits. It is a little rough at first, but in a few years it will be second nature. Do this with things like cooking, cleaning, saving money and self-care.”

“It is okay to not like someone. It is also okay to have someone not like you.”

“People are going to not like you for no reason. That is okay. It’s a “them” issue and not a “you” issue.”

“Don’t be an ass to everyone and give them reason to dislike you, but also know that you are under no obligation to put up with someone else’s bad friendship.”

“There is no shame in seeing a mental health professional.”

– MayUrBladesNVRdull

“It’s been really hard to remember that things aren’t a race.”

“I am 29, graduating college this year, and so many of my classmates are 18-22 with family support, great connections and networks, no weird backstory to explain, no major disabilities (thanks military).”

“I know once I get somewhere I can thrive, I will; but it’s definitely hard to not feel like I’m behind.”

– redwingpanda

“I’ve been feeling bad about this.”

“Entering sixth year of college (graduating in the fall, though) and I just feel bad and like a failure. I feel like I’m not going to get a job when I get out, and I feel pressured to live up to the success my older brother has despite my parents say that’s not important.”

“There’s a lot of other things that hit home in this thread. Struggling from substance abuse, being physically unhealthy and having body image issues are a few others.”

“I want to be a better and successful person, but I’m afraid I’m never going to find the motivation. I’m afraid I’m going to allow myself to be mediocre for the rest of my life.”

“I really should get a therapist like you’ve said.”

– Shrumples1997

Out Of The Hole

“Don’t put yourself in ridiculous amounts of debt trying to portray a certain image. You’ll spend your entire life trying to get out of the hole you dug or you’ll have to declare bankruptcy.”

“Set aside enough money to cover 3-6 months of expenses for emergencies just like now. Moreover, save now for your retirement years. It doesn’t require much and if you have it taken directly from your paycheck you won’t be inclined to not pay yourself first.”

“Take care of your body. Exercise to maintain a healthy weight and good cardiovascular health. As you get older, it’s much harder to maintain these.”

“Enjoy the days of your youth without going overboard.”

“There is nothing wrong with having a good time, yet if you are always waking up wondering what happened last night, why you can’t remember how you spent so much money or you always have a hangover; you should tone it down a bit.”

“Don’t take advice or criticism as a personal attack.”

“Most times the people who care about you have observed behavior in you which is off putting, doesn’t reflect who you really are or could be or would make you a more rounded person.”

– RmeMSG

Anyone else feeling a little attacked?

No?

Just me?

What’s your best advice for happiness? Are there mistakes you want us all to learn from? Wins you recommend people aim for?

We’ll see you in the comments.

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People Share The Conversation They’d Have With Their Pets If They Could Talk For 24 Hours

I graduated high school and went right to adopting rescue animals. The first one was a 5 week old puppy—a brindle girl so dark you’d be forgiven for thinking she was just a dirty black dog at first.

Her name was She-Ra and she was by my side for 22 years.

Twenty-two.

She saw me through scandalous college years, several whack partners, a first marriage…

She-Ra was as much a part of my “definition” as my sarcasm, my hair, or my loud face. She was, very honestly, the best friend I’ve ever had.

And I would have LOOOOOOOOOVED to hear the stuff she wanted to say back when we would sit around having chisme time.

Homegirls face was as loud as mine—I just KNOW she wanted to read some people into oblivion in English, Spanish, Spanglish, AND Pitbullian. I would have listened and been on stand-by with water so she could stay hydrated while she went off.

I’m a supportive bestie like that.

Reddit user l0velygh0st asked: 

“You’re gifted 24 straight hours where you and your pet(s) are suddenly able to understand each other and have real conversations like you’re old bffs just catching up on lost time. What would you want to tell them and how would you want to spend those hours with them?” 

Obviously She-Ra and I would be on our Thelma and Louise—minus the tragic ending and plus some incredible fashions.

Reddit users had their own incredible, adorable, ideas. The love between people and their pets is going to be our happy thought around here for the day.

“Lemme Upgrade Ya” 

“Write down every single quality of life improvements I can make for you.”

“Let’s go find you your perfect food to eat, let’s make sure there aren’t any aches and pains you have that we can’t address.”

“Tell me all of your favorite spots.”

“Tell me what you like, what you don’t. Literally everything.”

– Straightup32

About The Vacuum

“I would tell them that I love them, and that they’re good, and I would explain that I don’t cut their nails or vacuum the floor to hurt and scare them, it’s just stuff I need to do.”

“I would want to know what their lives looked like before they got to my family, if they can remember it. I would talk to them about funny stories from when they were young, and hopefully they’d have funny stories from when I was young.”

“I would also like to hear what gossip they might know because people still talk when pets are around.”

“I would want to ask them if there are ways I’ve been caring for them wrong, how I can care for them better and enrich their lives more. Are they hurting in any places that aren’t obvious?”

“They’re getting old, so I just want them to be happy for as many years as they have left.”

– SallyTwoSocks

When I Leave 

“Stop freaking out when I left the house. I will be back, like always.”

– Rawinza555

“But what if someday you’re not? Like you get in an accident and die and your buddy never knows what happened.”

“I think about that a lot and it breaks my heart”

– testerpants

“This happened to me!”

“I had sudden heart failure and was in the hospital for two months. Apparently, my dog just sat looking out the window every day, not understanding why I wasn’t coming back.”

“When I got home we were both so happy and getting back to her definitely helped save my life. I feel so guilty that she had to wonder why I had abandoned her for all those weeks…”

– cosmichorror845

“I’ve told my wife that if anything was to ever happen to me, my cat needs to see me so he understands I didn’t just leave.”

– Pure1nsanity

What’s In A Name? 

“To figure out what name he gave me.”

– Zure-Mossel

“Dog: ‘It’s Bar-woorrdddll!’ “

“Human: *tries to say it* “

“Dog: ‘No, you’re saying it wrong, but I like what you call me.’ “

– MoreNMoreLikelyTrans

“My cat’s name is Dobby, and I have another one named Nyxi. My conversation would go something like this:”

“N: ‘Why’d you call me Nyxi?’ “

“Me: ‘Well Nyx is the goddess of night and cats are known for loving the nighttime.’ “

“D:’Wow cool! Why’s my name dobby?’ “

“Me: *…shows picture* “

“D: ?”

“Me: ‘Your ears are big!!’ “

– 12Lister12

John Wick

“I would explain to them how much I love them and how they’ve saved my life many times.”

“I would ask what happened to them before they came into my life. They’re both rescues and we have made HUGE progress over the last three years, but they were pretty traumatized when I adopted both of them.”

“We would spend the day talking about our favorite things.”

“I would ask for the names and addresses of the owners that abused them both.”

“And I would go John Wick on those motherf*ckers.”

– [Reddit]

“OMG imagine if they could tell us their abusers…..that’s a dangerous path to go down but so many evil people would be gone from this world…”

– l0velygh0st

“I can’t even imagine.”

“My husband and I rescued our boy when he was barely two and we are his third or fourth family. He’d been passed around because he was “aggressive” apparently.”

“We’ve had him for five years and can’t imagine how anyone could ever think this massive goofball, scared-of-his-shadow, cuddly gentle giant could ever be aggressive.”

“Makes me wonder if he was being mistreated. He has a lot of separation anxiety, even now, because he was left and abandoned so many times before he was ours.”

“I get really sad thinking about it. He’s my world.”

– canohughess

Some Questions

“I’d have mostly questions:”

“’You don’t have to like your brother, but can we all agree to just coexist peacefully please?’”

“’I understand that taking medicine is no fun, but it’s what makes you feel better, so please stop fighting me whenever I need to give you the thing. It’ll suck for a couple seconds and then it’s over.’”

“’What is your obsession with lettuce?’ which seems like a normal thing until you realize it would be asked to cat.”

“’Why do you hump me when I lay down on the couch, but not when I’m sitting?’ (Asked to boy cat)”

“’Do you actually like the food I feed you?’”

“ ‘Is the temperature I keep the thermostat good for you?’ ”

“According to the internet, apparently I keep the temperature set too low, yet the kiddos run into my fridge or freezer often, and they sit on the vent when the AC is on in the summer, but also sit on the vent when the heat is on in the winter… are they hot or cold?! I don’t have the slightest clue.”

– SportsPhotoGirl

So now that we know what Reddit would do with 24 hours of talk time, it’s your turn at the mic.

Tell us what you’d want to talk about if your pet friends could converse for a day!

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People Share The Facts That Were Hidden From Them As Children

Breaking:

It has come to our attention that in most places it is NOT, in fact, illegal to have your vehicle’s interior cabin light on at night.

It’s just really distracting and annoying.

Some day some parents decided it was just easier to say it was illegal and it kind of stuck since then. Parents have just been out here telling kids half-truths like it’s literal law.

Reddit user jagenton25 asked: 

“What’s a fact that was hidden from you as a child?”

I know I just said half-truths, but some of these are outright lies—and outright brilliant.

Official Policies

“It is actually not the official policy of Wonderland (large amusement park near where I grew up) that you are only allowed to visit once per year.”

“I’m not mad, I actually think it was hilarious that my parents convinced us of this.”

– pm-a-surprise

“My parents let us believe that you were only allowed to go to Chuck E Cheese on your birthday (or your sister’s birthday, I guess).”

– kaleidoverse

“As a parent who had to pay for Wonderland…. this is amazing.”

– QueenA68

The Trade-In Program

“There isn’t a trade-in program to bring in old legos to get new ones. Some f*cker just stole all my legos from our parked car and my parents told me this so I would not be sad.”

“I hope he experienced the small parts choking hazard himself, the c*nt.”

– Buroda

“I know they’re expensive, but there has to be a special place in hell for someone who steals Legos.”

“You have to know you’re stealing from a child. What a piece of sh*t…”

– JADW27

Special Tailored

“Birthday Suits are not real suits.”

“Growing up in a household where the attire was a cross between business attire and church clothes, I always assumed the term Birthday Suit was a special tailored suit that was given to you on your birthday.”

– brokenturle

“Yeah. I made this mistake, except I made it when I was older and working.”

“I was so excited about going out for my 21st birthday with my brand new outfit. I told everyone I was going to wear my birthday suit.”

“A coworker had to pull me aside and tell me what it was. He was almost in tears from laughing so hard at me.”

“I still say it though because it’s funny and a great memory.”

– WeHaveGuns

That’s Illegal – Or Is It?

“That playing around with the interior lights while in a moving vehicle is actually legal… It’s just annoying.”

– Atomic_Chad

“I thought this was illegal until even after college.”

“Thanks, Mom and Dad. So many times it would have been helpful to turn the inside light on while I’ve been in the car in the dark!”

– Kartash

“My whole life is a lie!!!”

– ABotchedVasectomy

“My parents were the same. They would freak out if I turned it on.”

“I found out after turning 16 that it was because the windshield of our van became a f*cking mirror when a light was turned on inside while it dark outside.”

“Couldn’t see a f*cking thing.”

– gslwbfianf

Steve

“I grew up thinking I had a 6th sibling—a stillborn brother named Steve.”

“My older brothers told me about ‘Steve’ when I was about five, and I didn’t believe them, so I went to verify this information with my mother.”

“My mother has run a tutoring business out of our house for as long as I’ve been alive. She’s usually exceptionally busy; I think she had about eight students when I went to ask her.”

“My mom had five young kids. We were poor. She was always hustling and exceptionally busy.”

“She didn’t have time to deal with our crap while she was tutoring, and we mostly just asked her if we could get food and she would usually respond yes.”

“So I ask her whether I had a sixth sibling named Steve. She doesn’t even look up.”

“She just says something like “Yeah, yeah, now go play somewhere else.”

“I, of course, take this as unequivocal proof that Steve existed and that he was dead. It came from my mother’s own mouth, after all.”

“I believe this for the next decade. I only think about poor stillborn Steve once in a while on his supposed birthday, and I don’t bring it up again for eleven years.”

“I was at a debate tournament with my brother, hanging out with all my closest friends, when we start talking about dead family members.”

“Somebody’s grandmother is dead. Somebody lost their brother. I mention I have a dead brother, too. His name was Steve.”

“And then this uncomfortable exchange happens in front of everyone.”

“‘Who’s Steve?’ my brother asks.”

“‘Our stillborn brother, remember?’”

“‘Huh?’”

“‘You told me about him when I was five?’”

“A slow grin spreads across my brother’s face. I know this grin. Everyone in my family calls it his Chinese Devil Grin because it means trouble.”

“‘Wait,’ he says. ‘You’ve believed that for eleven years!? We made that up’.”

“‘But mom confirmed it!’”

“‘Nope. Totally made up. I can’t believe you actually thought that for eleven years!’”

“I’m not going to explain what happened afterward, but people called me ‘Steve’ for weeks. Also, I double-checked with my mother. There was no Steve.”

“So the fact that I DIDN’T have a brother named Steve was hidden from me as a child, I guess.”

– Thomhobbes

That One Tomato Plant

“My parents were gardeners.”

“We were pretty poor, so we did subsistence gardening and ate out of that garden most of the summer, and fished for protein.”

“BUT they also grew this herb, which looked a lot like tomato plants.”

“That’s what I thought it was—except it never grew tomatoes and was kept in a separate garden.”

“I did finally catch on, but it took a while.”

“Young mary jane plants look a lot like young tomato plants. My folks were hippies who had a very decent crop, which I now understand in retrospect.” 

– calcaneus

“We had a huge garden, but my father always kept one tomato plant growing in a lighted box in the basement closet.”

– Rosyshortcake

“The funny thing is it kind of smells like tomato plants, too. Oh, and they also have nearly identical nutritional requirements.”

– Capt_Hawkeye_Pierce

I Ain’t Afraid Of No Magic

“My dad had a 45rpm of the Ghostbusters theme song. He would play it for my brothers and I, and then say that he was magic and he would make the words disappear.”

“He would pick the record up, shake it around, say some magic words, and put it back on the record player.”

“Lo and behold, when the song started playing again, there were no vocals.”

“It blew our minds! Our dad really knew a magic trick!”

“Then I forgot about it for 15 years.”

“My dad decides he wants to get rid of most of his record collection, and asks me if I wanted any before he gave them away.”

“So, I’m sorting through the stack of 45s and there it is; The Ghostbusters theme! I excitedly hold it up, and remember the magic trick.”

“Then I flip it over and see that the B-Side was the instrumental version.”

“Of course I burst into laughter at the realization that I fell for such a simple trick. But I still had to confront Dad.”

“So, I bust into the kitchen all serious and toss him the disc.”

“I said accusingly: ‘what’s this!?’”

“‘Uh….The Ghostbusters theme song?’”

“‘Yeah, and what’s the B-Side?’”

“‘The instrumental version?’”

“‘Magic words my ass!’”

“The memory suddenly clicked and he started laughing hysterically. I guess it was something we had all forgotten.”

– ChuckZombie

So now that you’ve had some time to recover from the shock of that whole interior light thing, and you’ve read through what Reddit has to say, it’s your turn at the mic.

What truths did your family hide from you as a kid?

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World Travelers Share The Cities That Disappointed Them The Most

It’s been said that traveling changes the way you see and exist in the world, that it expands horizons and fosters a sense of connectivity.

It can also be absolutely miserable.

Reddit user 0_7_0 asked: 

“What city disappointed you the most when visiting?”

Growing up traveling, I remember my brother’s biggest disappointment was the discovery that lots of other countries didn’t have chicken nuggets or ketchup at their McDonalds—and that some didn’t even have McDonalds in the first place!

My big drama was always air-conditioning related.

That was pretty basic kid stuff, though.

None of us ever got shot, unlike this person.

Welcome To Rio!

“I got shot 5 minutes after arriving in Rio.”

“After a 7 hour road trip from Sao Paulo with 2 friends we nearly got carjacked at a gas station. Several shots were fired, but only one hit.”

“I just happened to be the thing it hit.”

“My Brazilian friend got me to a doc. I stayed there the whole night and drank pitu with him. He was a great guy and his stories are wild.”

– VerySpecialCognac

Sorry About Hollywood

“Hollywood.”

“I am embarrassed for people who travel around the world to see it. What they imagine it to be vs reality. Sorry, it’s not what you expected ?”

“You CAN have a good time in Hollywood, but do your research and check your expectations. Remember, the film industry is literally built to create an illusion.” 

– Mondo114

“We went there in July, just homeless people everywhere. Literal shit on the ground on almost every corner and in parking garages. People digging in trash cans tweaked out.”

“I was uncomfortable most of the time.”

“Only normal part of the walk of fame was in front of the theater and in that mall area, otherwise I was scared of what I might see.”

– DBelland1515

“I grew up in the LA suburbs and even I was disappointed with Hollywood when I visited it for the first time.”

“There are so many other cool places to visit in Southern California, just skip Hollywood.”

– ScienceMomCO

Casino Catastrophes

“Atlantic City.” 

“The Atlantic City casinos feel like they’re 30+ years older than those in Las Vegas (at least when I was there in 2013). I just expected them to be newer and nicer and cleaner.”

– User_492006

“This is a great answer. I was so disappointed by Atlantic City and my expectations weren’t even high.”

“It was just nasty there. The whole experience felt like biting into an apple only to realize it’s an onion.”

– [Reddit]

“Flew to Atlantic City for a convention and was excited to stay at Caesars, because the one in Vegas was really great back in the day.”

“The ceiling above the fountain in the main lobby was covered in mold. There were A-hole drunken wiseguys (literally) yelling and taunting people at the craps table.”

“I witnessed a pimp with his three employees leaving early in the morning when we were heading out for our flight.”

“Holy f*ck what a cesspool.”

– dr_freudenstein

Being The Attraction In Beijing

“Beijing.”

“I arrived at the end of a trans- Mongolian rail trip seeing so many incredible places and I think it was just a huge anticlimax.”

“Our whole group was intimidated by the level of armed security everywhere, we had to fight off so many scammers, and I didn’t enjoy being touched and laughed at when on the subway (I’m a very White European with curly hair).”

“Overall just found it really challenging despite some amazing sights.”

– Teapigs1984

“I’m Black. I stepped out of a train in Beijing with my brother and everybody was starting at us like we had just slapped their mums.”

“At least 10 people didn’t even ask and just started taking pictures of me. It was such a f*cking weird experience considering I was only 14.”

– thisis2022

“Got to Beijing and tried shopping for some groceries. The women at the stall started shouting.”

“My Chinese friend took me by my elbow and started dragging me away. When I asked her what was all that fuss about she said that they were screaming at her to get rid of me because they don’t sell to Black people.”

“Wtf. I was so surprised.”

“Those guys are extremely racist. Never gonna go back to that country again. I’ve been targeted by racists back home but never so openly and never in such a manner.”

– Muted-Sundae-8912

“Was traveling with 3 blonde and 2 red headed female college friends in Beijing.”

“People would push their kids at us to take a picture with us. I remember one kid crying but dad had to take a picture with us.”

“When seated, people would start touching our hair.”

– ParadePaard

I Believed The Rom-Coms

“Paris was so dirty, and I was not prepared for the disdain of the French towards a ‘stupid American.’ I believed the American Rom-Com movie version of Paris.”

– Idontknowthosewords

“Don’t forget smelly too.”

“And not just one strong smell so you can get acclimated to it either. Fresh bread, urine, perfume, body odour. Yuck.”

– BlueberryPiano

“I flew into Paris and the next day projectile vomited escargot and was rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. They taped my eyes shut and I kept waking up during the operation in agony, thinking I was blind.”

“The next time I visited Paris like 5 years later, I was locked in a small bathroom for 4+ hours. That city…”

– gallopingwalloper

“I agree 100%. I’ve been there numerous times and I feel like the city is overrated. It’s dirty, expensive, and the people are mega unfriendly.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I love France, but there are way better cities to visit.”

– Flaky_Sandwich9353

“I’ve been twice and the people were nicer than in most big cities. But the amount of dog sh*t everywhere was shocking and disgusting.”

– edgeplot

Anything To Do Besides Malls?

“Came here to say Dubai.”

“I decided to spend 10 days there while passing through. Had enough of it after 24 hours.”

“Too many f$#&!&# malls. No culture.”

– wric84

“Me too!”

“Dubai is a horrid place – fancy malls and hotels for the westerners, but the streets are full of the poor / slaves.”

“You really see what misery the whole place is built on.”

“I went there for work, I can’t imagine how people can go there for fun.”

– c19isdeadly

“Ah yes, I briefly lived in Dubai and felt like I never left the airport.”

“Giant shopping malls and soulless modern architecture full of people from around the world on a years-long layover.”

“I actually like good airports, but not sure I’d want to live in one.”

– icrbact

“Agreed, my expectations of Dubai were never high but the place is completely pointless.”

“It’s made for people with money to spend money; and even then I’d rather spend money in virtually any other city in the world.”

“I was there 3 days and that was too much.”

– BCS24

“Dubai.”

“While there I learned about how the whole city is built and run on some legalized slavery. I felt dirty after leaving.”

– BranigansLaw

So now that you know the places everyone else would skip if they had a chance to do it again, it’s your turn.

Hit us with your mic-drop moments in the comments.

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People Share Their Best Grocery Store Hacks

It’s becoming increasingly clear we’re all going to need to learn how to stretch every food dollar we have as far as possible.

Whether you’re preparing for a post-societal-collapse-dystopia, impending depression (financial or personal; we don’t judge) or you just like NOT spending money you don’t have to, this article is a useful one.

So get ready to take screenshots. Remember to actually use them later.

Let’s get into it.

Reddit user JustSoHappy asked:

“What are your best grocery store hacks?” 

People came out of the woodwork with advice on this one.

It seems like nobody “just shops” anymore. It’s a whole production with prep time and everything!

The Basics

“Always eat before you shop so you don’t buy stuff just cause you’re hungry”

– SushiAndCoochie

“I make the worst grocery store decisions if I haven’t eaten.”

“Seriously even just a handful of peanuts makes the difference between ‘stuff that’s on the list + a logical set of ingredients for dinner’ and ‘well I managed to get 7 different snacks and partial components for 3 different meals.’ “

“Hungry me cannot complete the task at hand.”

– InannasPocket

Do It Santa Style

“Make a list. Take the list. Stick to the list.” 

– Okno-rose

“Check it twice.”

– EternalGhandi

“My wife and I make our list on Reminders. I always reorganize the list in order of the store route to make it easier to keep track of things.” 

“If it’s in route order, it prevents you from having to run back across the store again, past that display of stuff you don’t need but is on sale so maybe you should just grab…” 

“Put it in order and check it off as you go.”

–  Haquistadore

The Night Before

“Join their membership club and actually use it.”

“The night before shopping I go on the stores website and add the coupons to my club card as well as any points I’ve earned so I get money off.”

– TimeTraveler3056

Divide And Conquer

“If you have teenagers and/or a partner, split up the work.”

“Send everyone to get a different batch of things. Or better yet, order online and pick up.”

– Trolltollhouse

“My best ‘hack’ was bringing my daughter shopping with me every single week starting from when she was around 7 years old.”

“I’m a dad who does all the shopping and cooking, and having my little sidekick made it so much easier and more fun.”

“Over time, she learned to coupon, do quick math in her head, compare ounces in packages, and really find good deals.”

“She was also great at running to other side of store to get something I forgot!”

“And of course, the bonding. We did that together all the time until she graduated high school, so over 10 years.”

“I miss my grocery store partner so much. By the way, she is in college now and she is an excellent shopper, and always seeks out smart deals!”

– lymantoadstool

The Ultimate Hack

“Pay attention to price per ounce, not just price per package.”

– CDMT22

“This is the ultimate hack.”

“The biggest pack isn’t always the cheapest.”

“Pay attention to unit cost, and spend a few extra seconds figuring out the price when the same product type presents units differently – sometimes soda will have a fl.oz. price (or ml), and sometimes per can cost.”

“Do a little math and save yourselves some cash.”

– jacobsadder

“Please also consider your actual consumption and the expiration date.”

“Bigger pack might have a better value, but that amounts to nothing or worse if half of it turns inedible before you can finish it.”

– suddenefficiencydrop

Timing Is Everything

“I worked grocery for 16 years.”

“Usually late evenings in the middle of the week are the slowest and best time to shop. Close to closing on a Wednesday.”

– Klaus_Heisler87

“Late Friday nights.”

“Everything is stocked for Saturday, but there’s no other shoppers in the store.”

– Macracanthorhynchus

“For me, it was near the end of the day on Saturdays and Sundays.”

– BePostiveeveryday

Let’s Talk Veggies

“Frozen veggies are often just as good as fresh – especially green beans, peas and corn. Never buy canned except like mushrooms, beans or olives.”

“The leafy greens in plastic wilt faster. Lettuce and cabbage heads on the stem thing last much longer (realistically this goes for all greens).”

“Avoid those plastic tubs and bags unless you need arugula or something.”

“Don’t buy baby carrots.”

“They’re just large carrots that have been trimmed down to snack size for marketing. They should not exist and are a sin against food. Just cut the damn carrots.”

– FrostByte62

Clearance

“I check clearance 100% of the time I go to the store.” 

“Almost all departments have a clearance section and I am famous for stocking up on vitamins, cold meds, toys and stocking stuffers throughout the year.”

“Often times I get a discount of 70-90%.”

– expressoyourself1

“100% this.”

“I go into the store with a rough idea of some meals, based on which expensive components I can get for cheap and improvise from there.”

“First stop is the protein clearance section, next stop is the veggie clearance, then bakery & dry goods clearance. Fill in the blanks from there.”

“So I may have gone in thinking we will do tacos one night, but whether that is beef / pork / bean / etc will depend on what’s cheap. Same with a pasta dish.”

“Once you get good at cooking and shopping, every trip is like your own personal version of Chopped mixed with Guys grocery games. I live a wild life.”

– nigelisacat

The Hack Is Humanity

“Work grocery, retail. We constantly save things for employees that we know sell quickly, and staff don’t get a chance to buy.”

“We scrap, and repack, discount cold/dry freight, and save for employees.”

“So, make friends with your local scrap certified associate, and ask them if they think an item can be discounted. Not too high of a pricey item, but some small things.” 

“I once had a regular say the bananas were really ripe, and wondered if we had a policy of marking down produce. So, I marked down some barely ripened, still pretty green bananas for him (cashier I told him to use didn’t say anything because he’s a homie.)”

“Another time, another of our regulars asked me about the quality of our mandarin oranges. I scrapped 4 individual oranges from 4 bags, and repackaged them into one.”

“We do this for our staff all the time.”

“My best grocery hack? Be a human being to retail workers, and we’ll make sure you can reap the benefits.”

“I know a lot of people hate the idea of working a minimum wage retail job, but I’ve had some wonderful experiences. And, to be honest, I love it when I see my regulars, and enjoy talking to them, even if it eats into my available working hours.”

“Those warm regulars are the type of people that are the reason I keep that minimum wage job. I love interacting, talking, and being with people.”

“I always feel so good after working with some customers that it boosts my mood, and I’m sure my work performance. I know it’s a low wage whatever job, but I take pride in all the smiling faces when I’m faced with stress.”

– FMewithAnA10

My personal favorite hack is to use a grocery store with a rewards card and BOGO the crap out of your staples.

Having that extra box of pasta, bit of rice, or can of beans is sometimes exactly the life-saver you need.

You’ve heard Reddit, now it’s your turn.

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People Explain Which Items Used To Be Cheap But Are Now Wildly Expensive

A full set of nails used to cost $25—$15 if you were a student.

I regularly see them priced from $80 – $125 now and feel like I missed some major shift in the nail art world.

How did this happen? Inflation is one thing but this is … a lot.

Are nail brushes now made of ethically-sourced unicorn eyelashes? Is there a nail-art-world equivalent of the whole blackest black v. pinkest pink thing? Is there a nail-art villain behind this price hike?

Reddit user MKSteamy asked: 

“What used to be cheap, but is ridiculously expensive now?” 

You know my answer, but Reddit has so much more to say about it.

Let’s Start With The Obvious

“Everything.”

“The cost of living has gone up 1,544% since 1940. And that number was from an article written in 2012.”

– dixie5oh

“Being alive.”

– InsomniusEyes

Real Estate Went Real Bad

“Houses.”

“Sad time to be buying in the UK, but congratulations to all those who bought a house for like 3 grand 50 years ago, especially in London lol”

– whysomaditonlygame

“It’s actually pretty evil what is happening. They’re being bought by corporations with deep pockets who don’t care how much over asking they need to pay.”

“Partly greed, partly trying to destabilize foreign economies, partly investment strategies… it’s modern warfare.”

“If you made a rule that only citizens can buy property and there is a 2 property limit per person… housing prices wouldn’t be in the millions for sub-standard homes.”

– visionsofcry

“Used to be like $20k for a 2 story, 4 bedroom home with 2 bathrooms, 2000 sq. ft. and a 2 car garage… now you’d be lucky to find a house with those stats for under $500k.”

– ELPwork

This Is Literally Killing People

“Insulin.”

– rpjut5ha

“This needs to be more widely known.”

“The inventor gave the formula away to save lives, but now companies are pricing it so high that diabetics can’t afford it.” 

“There’s a reason it’s so expensive and their greed is literally killing people.” 

– Evening_Rose_619

Taking The Bus Used To Be The Cheap Option

“Bus fare.”

“I had to get a bus from the city centre to the train centre less than five minutes up a big hill and it cost me £2.60!”

“When I first started secondary school it cost less than half that for a thirty minute trip.”

– ValenciaHadley

“Same.”

“I live in a small village in Romania close to a pretty big city. Like ‘hop on the bus and travel 6 minutes’ kind of close.”

“It used to be affordable, but fares basically tripled once the company that connects that route ensured itself to be the only one serving that line.”

– XauMankib

Ocean Roaches

“Seafood was for the poor.”

– Renoir_Trident

“They used to feed lobster to prisoners because they were considered the cockroaches of the ocean.”

– ELPwork

“People hear this fact now and think ‘oh man I’d love to eat lobster every day!’ but what you’re missing is the context of how it was prepared.” 

“They would grind the entire lobster up into a slurry paste, shell and all, and feed them that. We’re not talking about grilled with butter and lemon.” 

“Some places had to pass laws declaring the lobster slurry ‘cruel’ to feed to prisoners more than once or twice a week.” 

– [Reddit]

Til Hipsters Discovered BBQ

“Brisket was cheap until hipsters discovered BBQ.”

– valeyard89

“In a similar vein, the ‘trash’ cuts of meat.”

“Osso Bucco, Lamb’s Fry (liver), ox tail, and lamb shanks, for example.”

“They became trendy at some point and the prices sky rocketed.”

– orcwordlaugh

“Same with chicken wings, thighs and drumsticks.”

“Used to be that wings were cheap bar food, drumsticks and thighs were for frying. But then people discovered that they are awesome, and now are priced at a premium.”

– squats_and_sugars

“I noticed this with marrow bones in the last few years. About a decade ago they would basically be given away, and I’d grab some to give to my dogs as a treat. Now they are like $10 a pound.”

– Throwaway47321

Custom Computer Crunch

“Computer parts.”

“Around 10 years ago custom purpose built computers were exploding in popularity. The technology was advancing fast and it was getting cheaper.”

“It made a lot of sense that if you didn’t need a portable computer and you needed a specialized machine for work or entertainment, it was actually better to build one yourself and upgrade it every few years.”

“It would still come out cheaper than getting a laptop or a tablet which were only getting more expensive and upgrading meant total replacement.”

“But we all know how that’s been going the past few years. I myself have not upgraded my computer in 6 years despite wanting to.”

“The costs are ridiculous across the board for computer parts, laptops, cellphones etc; which doesn’t make sense but it doesn’t have to make sense because it’s being done on purpose.”

“Functional obsolescence makes you buy more stuff. Also, all this expensive tech is less and less reliable.”

– PckMan

Everyone’s Favorite Addiction

“Long time ago there was a coffee shortage. Prices went through the roof.”

“A cup of coffee at a diner went from 10 cents to a dollar and ground coffee tripled or more in price.”

“Everyone suspected it was not real, just the coffee industry trying to jack up the price.”

“People stopped buying ground coffee and the price quickly went back to normal, but diner coffee stayed at a dollar and never went back down.”

– JackNuner

An Expensive Habit

“In the UK its gotta be cigarettes.”

“Back when I started you could get a 10 pack for £2 now its like £11 for 20 and you cant get 10 packs.”

“It went from a 10£ a week habit to a £77 a week habit real quick.”

“I still smoke, but I buy pouches of Tobacco and roll what we call ‘Rollies’ in the UK.”

“50g cost about £25 and last me 8/9 days. Still a £75 quid a month habit but a lot cheaper than £11 a day.”

– stevemate

“In Australia a pack of 40 costs $65+ now. If you’re in a pub or an airport they can be $80.”

“It’s all legislated tax increases, the actual price for the manufacturers hasn’t changed nearly that much.”

“It’s a weird situation now, because the extreme and endlessly increasing taxes were passed on the basis of all smoking revenue being directed straight to healthcare to offset the burdens caused by smokers.”

“However, they’ve hit a point where they’re so expensive that now they’ve gone past offsetting costs and ended up in a place where they are a net profit for the government. This sucks because I believe the original plan was to eventually ban them outright, and now they’re a moneymaker so they never will.”

“Meanwhile, smokers being statistically more likely to be from lower socio-economic areas means that the government is effectively milking the poorer end of town for a metric f*ck-tonne of money whilst doing nothing to actually force people to quit – whilst claiming that what they’re doing is the best way to help.”

– ohimjustagirl

“I remember having co-workers who kept saying they would quite smoking if cigarettes ever went up to a dollar a pack.”

“They never did quit.”

– JackNuner

Now that you’ve heard what Reddit has to say, take a look at your world. What used to be affordable that now seems astronomical?

Let us know.

Posted on

People Explain Which Household Items Need To Be Cleaned More Often Than Anyone Realizes

If you’re in your nice clean home just hanging out enjoying the cleanliness, this article might come as more than a little distressing to you.

Because your home is probably nowhere near as clean as you think it is.

Reddit user FoxMachine asked: 

“What common household item is rarely if ever cleaned, although it should be?”

So listen, we’re going to be honest with you.

If Thanos popped up right now and said the fate of the world depended on finding someone whose fan blades, air vents and lighting fixtures were completely dust-free … well … it’s been fun while it lasted.

Lets take a look at what else is likely to get us Thanos-snapped out of existence.

We’re Toast

“The bottom of my toaster is a graveyard of charcoal crumbs.”

– CubaGoodingIII

“Working from home I was in a meeting so boring I realized I hadn’t cleaned the crumb tray of my toaster in years.”

“Imagine a meeting so boring you think about the crumb tray in your toaster. And I wasn’t even in the kitchen.”

– JustaRandomOldGuy

Just Washing The Maggots

“Once a month,the dishwasher gets the full treatment in our house.”

“Some family members are plumbers. They’ve seen things. They’ve smelled things.”

“Fun fact: most dishwasher pumps fail because of maggots. Clean your f*cking catcher and rinse off the chunks, people.”

“Maggot eggs are eeeeverywheeeerre. You can also get mould mites, drain flies, cockroaches….it’s a humid, dark environment with food scraps.”

– Taleya

Component Care

“Your computer components and setup.”

“My mouse is clean as it’s easy to swab with a q-tip… my keyboard… my keyboard is one with the dirt. You can run it through the dishwasher and still have hair stuck.”

“I’m honestly not even exaggerating. I’ve had the same mechanical keyboard for 8 or 9 years and ran it through the dishwasher multiple times, but it’s impossible to get completely clean.”

“The key caps themselves never seem too bad, it’s just getting the film of grime and dirt out from under them and between the switches.”

– ApprehensiveAd3778

“Yeah, same with keyboard and mousepad, they’re absolutely disgusting.”

“Oh yeah and DO NOT forget the chair, I found moldy food under the pillows of my friends gaming chair. one of the most disgusting things ever.”

– marcago

You Need To Shampoo That

“SOFA! maybe because it’s so hard to clean your sofa, but it’s really dirty and has dirt all over the years.”

– thitgahamtonghop

“I shampoo mine about once a month. The water is always brown.”

“I know people who have NEVER shampooed theirs. I can’t even imagine the water.” 

– Gingerbrew302

“Here in Germany, we have several stores which rent out for free a big… Wet vacuum?”

“In one container, you fill a soap solution. You spray it on the sofa.”

“The vacuum then takes in the solution and dirt. It is often shocking.”

– Joe_Rapante

That’s Not A Paint Job

“Walls.”

“I went around my place last winter after I lost my job and started washing all my walls. My family was telling me it looked like I painted them.”

– Smil3yAngel

“I have a steam mop that has a handle that detaches so it’s like a wand.”

“I steam cleaned my bathroom walls because the previous tenant was a smoker and had that nasty yellow residue on the walls. Biggest pain in the ass project, but totally worth it.”

“Cleaning my other walls is on my to-do list.”

– spitfire07

If That’s Dirty, So Are You

“Shower curtains they get so nasty people!”

– Rat_Queen91

“I don’t understand how people let theirs get so nasty. My brother’s is slightly moldy on the bottom.”

“My last place was really (pre 1920s) old with a sh*tty bathroom and mold build up in the grout around the shower/wall tiling.”

“There was also a full sized fucking window in the shower (of all places to put a window lol) with unsealed wood trim that got moldy too!”

“I don’t know how my room mates could stand it! I replaced the shower liner every few months on my own due to mold, because they just wouldn’t.”

“So glad I moved somewhere new, no one should have to fear that they are breathing black mold every time they shower.”

– QuasarsRcool

Dangerously Dry

“Blow-dryers.”

“Once every 4-6 weeks. Lint blocks the air. It’s a fire hazard and a bad hair day hazard.”

– Steen70

“I almost bought a new blow dryer one time because it had become so useless.”

“I realized how clogged with lint it was, cleaned it out, and it was like brand new!” 

– pink_mango

Cabinets Shouldn’t Be Sticky

“In your kitchen: The underside of your cabinets (as well as the top of them if you can).”

“All of the food you cook, sautee, etc. sends tiny particulates of oil and other parts of your meal into the air. It settles on all surfaces, but you clean most of them regularly.”

“The top of your cabinets is usually ignored, but it can develop quite the gunky buildup if you don’t do a fairly regular cleaning. Say, once a month or so.”

“The underside of cabinets – especially near your cook surface – should be cleaned every week or so. That oil and muck will eventually start to dry and cake on, attracting bugs and rodents and emiting a not-so-fresh smell.”

“Get a good degreaser cleaner and give those surfaces a thorough cleaning.”

– ilikemrrogers

“Can” You Imagine?

“Can opener. Look at yours and despair.”

– IAmEggnogstic

“I literally never even thought of washing one until i moved in with my wife. Blew my mind when she threw it in the dishwasher”

– 1seacow

“Isn’t it the dirtiest thing in the house? I’ve seen that a lot. Because people never think to wash them.”

– appleparkfive

“The blade under your automatic can opener.”

“People use it for all sorts of things like dog food. It can get gross.”

– chillflyguy33

Phone Check

“How often do you clean your phone?”

“How often do you check your phone in the bathroom?”

– FatsDominoPizza

“Your phone.” 

“If you actually use it for calls then it’s covered in your face oils, spit and germs from your mouth, and possibly ear wax.” 

“If you’re a normal person who just texts a lot, then it’s covered in everything you and your grubby little hands have touched.”

– Reddit

The Lid

“This is funny. I just noticed yesterday that I rarely clean the inside-top of my rice cooker.”

“Cleaned it last night and was like ‘I use this weekly and have never wiped this part down.’ Made me feel gross but yea.”

– [Reddit]

So now that you’ve seen what Reddit has to say, let’s talk about you.

What unclean horrors are you suddenly realizing you might need to clean?

Sound off!

Posted on

Hiring Managers Divulge The Biggest Resume Mistakes That Cost Someone The Job

Making career moves can be anxiety-inducing.

You’re never really sure what to put on your resume, what to say about why you left your last position or how to really answer the inevitable question about why you want to work there without pointing out the obvious desire for a paycheck.

This would be so much easier if you could just get a peek inside the minds of hiring managers, wouldn’t it?

Wouldn’t you love to know the things they’re actually hoping to see? And the things that they hate so much it makes them automatically disqualify a candidate?

Enter reddit user “ThanosIsMyRealFather” who asked:

“Hiring managers of Reddit, what was something on someone’s CV/resume that made you either immediately want to hire them or immediately reject them?” 

So go ahead and make a new folder in your phone for the screenshots you take. We’re going to start with learning what NOT to do.

Too Much Information

“His resume was 14 pages.”

“Granted, it was for a finance position with 5-10 years experience, but there’s only so many different ways you can describe finance responsibilities – and summarizing is a valuable skill.”

“Dude never pitched for the interview.”

– zenaide1

“We had a resume for an internship come through that was double-digit pages long and included his karate accomplishments in 6th grade.”

– mcarneybsa

“24 pages; this mans IT management profile.”

“5 pages was his CV.”

“The other 19 pages was meticulously explaining every project he had done in his 40 years of experience. All the way back to before I was born.”

– magaruis

“I got a 26-page resume once. A lot of it was about his ex-wife.”

“We, uh, didn’t call him.”

– bokodasu

It’s Happened To The Best Of Us

“Their resume included the sentence: ‘I have incredible attention to dealtail.’ ”

– 4sOfCors

“I said that once, in the email body.”

“I then proceeded to forget to attach the CV. So awkward.” 

– _ae_

“I had something similar on a resume.”

“I wrote ‘I have great attention to detail’ and then right after I sent it I noticed my name was misspelled.” 

– squanchiest-

“Right out of law school I put a ton of emphasis on my attention to detail on my resume.”

“After about six months, one kind soul called me to let me know that I had misspelled ‘lawyer’ in my opening sentence. He was not interested in an interview.”

– AmnesiaCane

Assassination Attempts

“I had a funny typo on a resume I once reviewed. It read:

” ‘Assassinated the lead florist on site’ “

“Obviously it was meant to say assisted.”

– snailtopus

“Screw up a bride’s centerpieces and pay with your life. Florists know this when they sign on for the job.”

– Jackandahalfass

“It was a Sith florist. The only way to progress through the ranks is to kill the master.”

– Bloodcloud079

But Do You Even Lift?

“A guy put his bench, squat and deadlift numbers in his personal skills section for a bar job.”

“It spawned a long tradition of asking bartenders what they could bench when they applied for a job.”

– MoveToStrike

“This one hits close to home haha.”

“When I was in high school I won a few bench press/strength competitions and had that listed in my interests section at the bottom.”

“When I got my first job out of college my boss used to occasionally make jokes about it, so I decided it was time to retire that.”

– Fair-University

“We had a candidate who was clearly into weightlifting ask if our work uniforms came in stretchy materials, ‘you know, for my physique’ as he pointed to his biceps.”

– ballinthrowaway

A Very “Niche” Portfolio

“I was working for a small digital agency and we were looking for designers and illustrators – general multi skilled creative types.”

“The boss wanders in with a sly grin and a big folder. It was from a guy who wanted the job.”

“I came over and he started flicking through it. Page after page of sexy cartoons.”

“Lots of them furry type stuff. Boob, butts, lips, figures intertwined, lots of detailed musculature.”

“So I was like ‘Well it’s quite good for what it is… but what else is there? Is there another section?’ “

“Nope. Nothing else.”

“Just a folder completely full of semi-pornographic cartoon people and sexy anthropomorphised animals.”

“He was not hired. It wasn’t because of the cartoons, it was because it was all just those cartoons.”

“Would have liked to see some commercial applications of illustration, or something showing he could work to requirements, or a variety of work showing different styles. Also this was 15ish years ago.”

– torn-ainbow

It’s not all doom and gloom, though.

We like to end on a positive note around here, so let’s take a minute to talk about the things that catch a hiring manager’s attention in the right way.

That Wording Is Everything

“Had a kid applying to work at a Sam Goody as a stock boy write that he was a petroleum transference engineer for Exxon at his last job.”

“His job was pumping gas, I hired him on the spot.”

– Canadian_Neckbears

Playing Games

“I work at an Escape Room.”

“We once received a resume that consisted in a webpage address protected by a password, and three well-crafted riddles that we had to solve to get the password.”

“We spent an hour doing it with two colleagues, and it included decrypting a code from a specific frame of Zodiac by David Fincher. It was simply amazing.”

“Sadly, we weren’t hiring at the time, and she had found another job we we started hiring again.”

“We would have loved to hire her, but we were fully staffed and not in a position to just create a job for her. Believe me we wanted to.” 

– Maximelene

World Of Warcraft

“Once I received a resume that had ‘Raid leader for WOW in top guild of a server.’ “

“The other hiring managers laughed their asses off and said this guy was a joke. They all dismissed him.”

“Me, I asked the guy to come in for an interview. He did pretty well and I hired him.”

“The reason I brought the guy in for interview was because I’m an avid Warcraft player and I know the sh*t raid leaders go through.”

“Trying to get a large number of people together, coordinate resources and rewards, getting guides together and telling people to up their healing/dps and not stand in fire. All done virtually via vent and forum postings (meaning you never met these guild members in person.)”

“You need some great leadership skills and project management. Also at that time I was dealing with a lot of people offsite so I thought this guy would be a good fit.”

“9 years later (I’ve since left the company), the WOW guy I hired turned out to be great!”

“He’s particularly shined in recent years when corporations decide that working from home doing virtual meetings is the way to go to cut cost. His skill set as a raid leader translated very well with remote project management!”

“Oh, and is now the manager of those same hiring managers that laughed at his resume.”

“This was at a Fortune 500 financial company.”

– evonebo

So let’s go over what we’ve learned today, shall we?

  • Keep things brief.
  • It’s important to spell-check.
  • How much you can bench press probably isn’t relevant enough to go on your resume.

Oh, and make sure there’s more than just furry semi-porn in your portfolio.

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Doctors Divulge Little-Known Facts From The Gross Side Of Human Biology

Human biology is a fascinating trove of grossness, but it’s grossness most of us don’t encounter.

For the majority of us, our in-depth exploration of biology stops once we’re out of school. We live the rest of our lives focused on our own biology, maybe that of close family members or partners and that’s about it.

But medical professionals spend their days surrounded by human weirdness and they want you to know that yes, humans are gross.

It’s perfectly natural.

Reddit user “Bitictac” asked: 

“Doctors of reddit, what’s the weirdest/grossest fact about the human body that no one seems to know?” 

If you’re squeamish, we’re going to suggest you go ahead and back out of this article now. We will  be getting very up close and way too personal as we talk about all sorts of bodily fluids and functions.

Proceed with caution.

Cartman Was Right?!

“Not a doctor. Nurse here. If you have a bad gastro-intestinal obstruction you can vomit feces.”

– fire4ashz

“This happened to me once after I accidentally ingested some poisonous mushroom. Yes it was as awful as it sounds.”

– komandanto_en_bovajo

“Had a guy when I was out doing wilderness med that ate too many MREs (which essentially operate as the exact opposite of a laxative) and his breath smelled awful and he had severe abdominal pain.”

“We realized he had a GI block from the MRE food turning into a brick in his intestines and his breath was because his sh*t was flowing back into his stomach since it couldn’t leave his body.”

– nukeularkupcake

Inside Out

“Old ladies often have prolapse of their pelvic organs.”

“This means their vaginal walls got so weak that it can no longer support their bladder or uterus. A grade 4 prolapse is when it’s really sticking the heck out of their vagina like an alien head. -Nurse practitioner”

– vespertinas

“Happened to me after having 4 kids in 4 years. Had a hysterectomy at 29.”

– thefrozenfew

“Before modern surgery to help relieve that, you’d get a wooden mushroom looking thing to insert to push and hold things back up there.”

“In poor areas, root vegetables could be used.”

“Not everyone gets surgery now, so there are still silicone versions of it in use to this day.” 

– paperconservation101

Move Over

“When a patient gets a kidney transplant, they usually leave the old 2 behind unless there’s a significant problem with them.”

“The extra kidney is just tucked in the peritoneum leaving the patient with 3 kidneys.”

– Medicaljargon-itis

“The kidney comes with the renal artery, vein, and the ureter still attached, so all they have to do is hook it up to the iliac vein/artery and the bladder. Like they really just plug that bad boy in and then let it be.”

“I watched a video of a transplant and it was way easier than I ever would have imagined it would be.”

– shineymermaid

“Honestly I’d be annoyed about the kidney thing. I don’t want extra organs in my body.”

– shicole3

Black Hairy Tongue

“Dental student here. Black hairy tongue is a common condition and it’s exactly what it sounds like.”

“It’s just caused by buildup of dead skin that becomes hair like because of tobacco use or antibiotic use. Usually combined with lack of frictional forces from brushing/scraping the tongue.”

– Alarm-Potential

“My very first patient at the hospital had black hairy tongue & I was just shocked.”

– neqailaz

Mucosa

“Lips are made of a membrane called mucosa.”

“The anal sphincter, the nostrils, the glans of the penis, urethras, and the vagina are also made out of mucosal membrane. Pretty much any of your super delicate skin that is often wet is mucosa.”

“It’s often used in areas where a little protection could be used, since the cells in mucosal membranes are really densely packed. They also often secrete some form of mucous (lubrication, boogers, saliva, etc).”

“It’s all the same tissue. It all feels pretty much the same. Do with that what you will.”

– Oisillion

“So if they ask me to kiss their a**, I can just kiss them in the lips?”

– Mr_Skeleton_Shadow

“I think you’ve just ruined kissing for everyone forever.”

– TiredGayAtheist

“… Speak for yourself.” 

– blamethepunx

A Leaky Nose & A Blood Plug

“You can leak brain fluid (csf) out your nose because there’s a bone with a bunch of holes for your olfactory (smell) nerves called the cribiform plate.”

– philthy333

“I remember a one-off character in Grey’s Anatomy that was leaking csf from his nose! Thank you for explaining it.”

– outrunmyself

“Leaking brain fluid… that made me want to disintegrate…” 

– uhdontaskme

“To help you not have nightmares, it’s pretty rare and you’d probably know – the photophobia and headache that go along with it are pretty bad.”

“That doesn’t stop people from thinking they have it when in fact they have allergic rhinitis, or they’ve not realized that the sinuses can fill up with fluid, and when they dump that fluid they can dump quite a lot.”

“There’s two angles your sinuses are most likely to leak from too for most people – eyes straight down, and looking straight up. Tilt your head about about 10 degrees.”

“In the unlikely event that you are actually leaking brain fluid, it’s actually surprisingly simple to fix for most people.”

“Usually it just takes a little bit of your own blood. It’s squirted into the spinal fluid and the blood clot it forms seals the hole up.”

“You become your own tire plug.” 

– PavlovaPalava

“Holy sh*t I may have had this done when I had meningitis!”

“They shot my own blood into my face and I was too out of it to know what was happening other than being confused why they took my blood only to put it back in me.”

– PsychedelicWeaselGun

We’re Basically Cuttlefish

“Every single melanocyte on your skin (you know, the ones that give your hairs color, and your skin its skin color) is connected to your sympathetic nervous system via modified synapses.”

“No-one knows why they’re connected that way – but we do know that under stress, those nerves nuke the pool of stem cells that create hair pigment, which is why it makes your hair go grey.”

“A few mutations and you could, theoretically, be able to control them and change color like a chameleon.”

“So in many ways, we’re basically walking cuttlefish.”

– PavlovaPalava

The Most Doctor Answer

“The thing with this question is, I don’t know what people consider gross or weird.”

“Lots of questions about pooping, but that’s neither gross nor weird to me; its a bodily function.”

“I have stories about gross stuff that made me gag, but I wouldn’t consider any normal bodily function gross.”

– Gk786

“This is the most doctor answer ever. I’m sure most doctors are so desensitized that they don’t know what normal people even consider gross.”

– Ya_boii_95

Vagina Bleach

“One that a lot of men don’t tend to know: the vaginas discharge can bleach underwear, even black underwear.”

“It’s perfectly natural and normal.”

– ahumanpileofgarbage

If you’re a medical professional with an interesting or gross human body fact to share, let’s meet in the comments!