We’ve all been on late night adventures to grab a snack. It can be a really fun diversion. It can also open up strange, unseen worlds known not to the day-dwellers among us.
But whatever story from your own life you’re now thinking of, I guarantee you it pales in comparison to that of Twitter user Josh Raby, who spelled out his own milkshake misadventure in exquisite, bizarre detail.
Chapter 1: I Am Begging Your Patience
When a midnight craving starts more than you bargained for.
"Hey holy shit hello, you are at McDonald's, and I am begging your patience."
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 2: You Can Have It
Already, he’s not lovin’ it.
So I sit for a minute, then he finally returns and says "please tell me your order"
So I say "milkshake"
I don't know why that's all I said— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 3: My Desired Milkshake
At this point, nobody really remembers how to communicate.
He is gone for several minutes. When he returns he says flatly "we aren't going to be able to do the milkshake. I do have many apple pies."
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 4: I Will Be Very Slow
Dude, I don’t need a milkshake THAT bad.
"I am not ok. Would you please tell me your order so I can try to punch it in? I will be very slow, but I will get it."
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 5: A Deep Exhale
Oh. Maybe this isn’t such a funny story.
At one point I guess he gave up because the screen just went black for a while.
I hear a deep exhale.
"Dude I lost my wife".
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 6: An Apple Pie
Let them eat pie, I guess.
Anyway he finally gets it and then says "I really do feel bad about the milkshake situation. Can I sell you an apple pie?"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 7: A Weird Series of Beeps
Wait. WHAT?
Then there is a weird series of beeps and when his voice comes back in he is fucking SCREAMING into his headset:
"I FOUND HER! THANK GOD!"— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 8: I Do Not Want
Quit playin with me, man.
At this point I have ordered a chicken sandwich I do not want and an apple pie I do not want and no milkshake and I've been here 22 minutes
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 9: I Just Want to Go
This is too much.
So he says "your total is 8 HOLD ON my wife is here and she wants me to tell you she will sell you 2 apple pies at a discount"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 10: No Problem
You’re a part of the relationship now, friend.
"Give me the extra pie"
"She says thank you"
"Tell her I said no problem"
Why am I talking to his wife like this why
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 11: He Has His Thumb Out
So these two are, like, DEFINITELY high right?
Both of these people are in their mid-40s
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 12: FINE
Why did you think you could just get away with that?
I say "it's fine" to which he says "FINE just stands for FUCKED UP, INSECURE, NEUROTIC, and ERROR-PRONE"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 13: 37 Minutes
Is this your anniversary or something?
I am then treated to a story about how they met at a McDonald's that is very short and is really only "we met at McDonald's in 1993"
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
Chapter 14: A Whole Separate Human
Spare a thought for those left behind.
He hands me my bag, leans out the window and says "you get to drive away" then promptly shuts the window and sits on a stool, head in hands
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016
I am agog. I am aghast. I may never seek another late night treat again.
What’s your weird late-night-out story?
Tell us in the comments.
The post A Man’s Simple Quest for a Milkshake Got Weird Fast appeared first on UberFacts.