Aren’t kids just perfect little angels?
Sure…something like that…
If you’re a mom or a dad, these tweets about raising kids will make you laugh, cry, scream, and then cry again.
Enjoy these tweets, all you parents out there!
1. Silence is not golden.
Non parents: This silence is nice
Parents: *hears nothing* where the fuck are the kids and what are they doing!??
— C͙a͙l͙l͙i͙o͙p͙e͙M͙o͙o͙n͙
(@chellemybell22) November 7, 2019
2. What kind of mother are you?
Yes I gave birth, but I haven’t bought those little month numbers and laid my child next to them like a tiny, happy crime scene victim and taken a picture of that and posted it to Instagram so in that sense I am not a mother.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) October 3, 2019
3. So very blessed.
I was in a family bathroom and as my 4yo unlocked the door my 2yo pushed the handicap button right as I started to pee so I had to watch the door slowly open knowing that I couldn't get up and I peed with the door wide open. I'm so blessed to have kids.
— Marcy G
(@BunAndLeggings) October 1, 2019
4. Nothing strange about it.
"Do NOT pee on your brother!"
And other things you hear in a public restroom that don't seem strange at all after you have kids.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) October 22, 2019
5. Anyone will do.
Being a parent of 1 kid: I don't know who I trust to babysit my child.
Being a parent of 2 feral toddlers: [summons Bloody Mary]
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 19, 2019
6. All the hits!
TODDLERS: THE MUSICAL
Including hits like:
I Don’t Want That (Yes I Do)
She’s Breathing on Me
QuestionsSHOWTIMES AT 4 AM, 5 AM, and DURING YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) November 14, 2019
7. Isn’t that nice?
7-year-old: *hands me a plate of toy food*
Me: Mmm. Tastes like plastic.
7: Just like what you make.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 28, 2019
8. That’s hot.
Sex is good and all but have you ever vacuumed up a bunch of tiny LEGO pieces your kids refused to put away?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 11, 2019
9. That was fast.
Kid: My sandwich has too much peanut butter on it.
Me: *makes new sandwich*
Kid: This one has too little.
Me: *makes one just right*
Kid: I don’t like peanut butter anymore.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 9, 2019
10. Sacred ground.
Then suddenly you’re a mom declaring ownership over swept dirt on the kitchen floor yelling DON’T YOU DARE WALK THROUGH MY DIRT PILE
— NoTasha (@looksliketuttut) September 30, 2019
11. Don’t even bother.
I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something I can no longer remember because our kids interrupted us 175 times.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 24, 2019
12. Of course they did…
Me: Don’t do that.
Kids: We won’t.
Me: Please. It’s important you don’t.
Kids: We said we wouldn’t.
Me: Again, I can’t stress how important it is not to do that.
Kids: WE WONT!!!!!Narrator: They immediately did that.
— Fowl Language Comics (@fowlcomics) November 8, 2019
13. What’s that called again?
What’s it called when you do everything possible to make people happy but nobody’s happy? Ah yes, parenthood.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 13, 2019
14. He might still be snoozing.
Me: Wake up.
7-year-old: It's too early.
Me: It's time for church.
7: Is God even awake yet?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 6, 2019
15. Here are the requirements.
Parenting is easy as long as you:
– can name every species of bug
– pull snacks out of thin air
– crave ill-informed feedback
– always bring the 'right' toy
– despise sleep— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 18, 2019
Parents, share your horror, I mean, wonderful stories about your kids in the comments. Let’s have some fun!
The post These Hilarious Tweets About Raising Kids Are for All the Parents out There appeared first on UberFacts.