Month: September 2020

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15 Times Men Got Female Biology Very, Very Wrong

I have some excellent AND terrible news for you.

There is a full subreddit dedicated to men (and occasionally others) just being horrifyingly wrong about how female anatomy and biology works. It’s amazing. It’s horrifying. It’s something you won’t be able to look away from.

Here are just a few examples.

15. Padding the question

I…refuse to comment on this one.

14. Common knowledge

Only women have genitals, men have penises, you should know this by now.

13. Full stop

Not sure that’s how it works.

12. Spilling ink

I hope you thought this when you were like 3, otherwise I’m concerned.

11. Push it to the limit

“Can you not?”

10. Know where I’m coming from?

When the stupidity meets the audacity.

9. Trickle down effects

Was this written by a 12th century monk?

8. Rub one out

I once rubbed some water with a towel and it like…disappeared into the floor.

7. BDE

The very smallest, in fact.

6. Only the insides

Trust me, I’m a doctor probably.

5. My number one problem

It’s amazing when they get corrected and still insist they know more about a body they don’t have than people who have it.

4. Water you talking about?

Your mouth takes in liquid and it’s still alive, for some reason.

3. Stop being gross

Sounds like you’ve got some deeper issues to work through, my dude.

2. F*** the system

Um, isn’t she sleeping with you, man?

1. All in time

I had to fully stop and walk away from the computer for a minute.

I don’t know what to conclude from any of that except that our sex ed system is CLEARLY in desperate need of repair.

Has anyone said this kind of thing to you before?

Tell us in the comments.

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Very High Quality Tweets That Will Meet Your Standards

Believe it or not, our panel of experts have been hard at work examining each of these tweets for quality, durability, and safety.

They have passed the most rigorous standards and received the highest levels of certification available in the industry.

By which I mean, I looked at them all and I laughed and now I’m showing them to you ’cause I feel like it.

You are most deeply welcome.

Check out these ten quality tweets that are fit to pass any inspection.

10. Breaking decent

Way to look on the bright side, I guess?

9. Coming to an arrangement

If you live in an apartment complex just know that your neighbors hate you now.

8. Chunked up

I need to see your data and your research methodology, please.

7. Getting a head

Maybe it’s an exciting new combination!

6. Just in time

Learning is for nerds.

5. Get with the program

Well something needs to get debugged.

4. Proof of purchase

“Will I need a record of the fact that I bought this tube of toothpaste? We can’t know. There’s just no way to know.”

3. Talk birdie to me

The longer you look at it the worse it gets.

2. Cutting deep

What if they’re deeply into making deep dish?

1. Top of the pile

And losing all your friends in the process!

I dare you to find higher quality tweets than that. Those are built to last. Quality craftsmanship. Those are the kind of solidly constructed tweets that make me proud to be a citizen of the internet.

What kinds of tweets do you like the most?

Tell us in the comments.

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Take a Look at this Interesting Life Advice From Women

The more experience we have in life, the more we learn.

The more we learn, the more we wish we’d known back when we hadn’t lived very long yet. It’s inevitable, it’s a part of life. You only get good at a game by playing it, and if you’re kind, you’ll help some newbies find their way as well. There was plenty of such life advice flowing from one particular Twitter thread kicked off by user @GayatriiM, who wrote:

There are endless replies, and a lot of common themes. Here are some of our favorites.

15. “Treat the other as just a human”

We cannot expect perfection.

14. “Boundaries are super important”

You can’t be all things to all people.

13. “What angers you controls you”

Don’t hand over the reigns.

12. “Keep learning all the time”

You’re never going to know it all.

11. “Give importance to self happiness”

You’re only one person.

10. “Indulge yourself”

You’ve only got this one life to live.

9. “Choose your battles wisely”

Otherwise you might get drained.

8. “If you are kind to yourself…”

A glass can only spill what it contains.

7. “If you are happy…”

Remember what you can and can’t control.

6. “Relations change”

Nothing is set in stone, that doesn’t mean these things aren’t meaningful.

5. “Build your tribe”

You can be civil without being close.

4. “Say no sometimes”

If you do everything, that will be expected forever.

3. “Live in NOW”

The past is the past.

2. “Be the fulcrum”

We are, at the end of the day, very simple machines.

1. “Pain is overrated”

You’re not here to suffer for someone else.

I know these were written specifically for people in demographics I don’t fit, but still, SO much feels universal. Be good to each other, but also be good to yourself.

What piece of advice would you like to pass along?

Tell us in the comments.

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Pieces of Life Advice From Women, For Women

There are many things we learn in his life that we wish we would have known sooner.

But instead of wallowing in that, it’s helpful to just collect those thoughts. Consider them. Pass them on.

That’s what happened in a thread started by Twitter user @GayatriiM:

Here are fifteen pieces of resulting life advice from women, for women.

15. “Make choices which make you happy”

Damned if you do, do it anyway.

14. “Say no”

You are not responsible for everything.

13. “IDGAF”

Not a word, but I get what you mean.

12. “Your life is your own”

You can help people, but you can’t live for someone else.

11. “There may never be a later”

Postponed may well mean cancelled.

10. “Never too late”

Don’t forget about you.

9. “Don’t take everything to heart”

Some things need to be let go.

8. “You don’t have to reply to every message”

There’s just too much noise sometimes.

7. “Be kind and gentle”

You’re the only you you’ve got.

6. “Life is too short”

There are billions of people in this world, you’re not gonna win ’em all.

5. “Life goes on”

Nothing lasts forever.

4. “Put yourself first”

Some things you want to realize before they’re too late.

3. “Detachment”

Don’t get weighed down.

2. “Not to give in”

You’re a person, not a host.

1. “Setting boundaries”

Don’t let everybody just stomp around as they please.

Pretty incredible stuff, and with one common theme – be good to yourself, not just those around you. You count too.

What piece of advice would you like to give?

Leave it in the comments below.

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People Admit What Still Weighs on Their Conscience

I like to think that most of us are good people. We try to do the right thing, to have the right reaction, to make other people happier – not sadder – for knowing or coming into contact with us.

It doesn’t always work out that way, but the proof that we care is in the way we can’t forget the days things didn’t go right.

18. That’ll stick with you.

The worst thing I did in my life was viewed as a kindness by the people I did it to. I was a teenager, and after breaking up with my boyfriend I quickly met another guy. We did some physical things (not sex, though he tried to pressure me) but then I started to realize that he wasn’t a good guy.

It made me appreciate my ex and I wanted to get back with him, but I knew this other guy would keep sniffing around me unless something distracted him. I introduced him to my friend, who was about to turn 18 and was desperate to lose her virginity. I knew he’d be happy to oblige, and he would leave me alone because he’d be getting some.

They both were happy to be introduced, both got something they wanted, but I still feel guilty because I know I had a selfish motive. I sold my friend out to a slimy guy to get out of a problem I caused for myself.

17. What a horrible memory for a child to have.

A guy overdosed in our apartment when I was 9. I was used to seeing it because my addict mom had addict friends who just kinda hung around.

I remember watching him, I don’t even know what his name was since I was never introduced to anyone, but he seemed really out there on the oxycodone and was snoring weird. I told my mom but she said not to call 911 because the cops would come.

So I just sat there with my stuffed bunny and watched him sleep and then he got quiet. He died on our couch and I was too afraid of my mom to call anyone. I could have saved him maybe.

He couldn’t have been older than 35.

Mom cleaned all the drugs out of the apartment and called 911 later. She made up a story about him being an ex who showed up on drugs and was going to sleep it off on our couch, they looked around, took the body, and left.

I still think about him sometimes and wonder if he had anyone in his life that would’ve wanted to be with him. Sitting on a dirty couch surrounded by random people with some kid staring at you is a sad way to die to me.

16. Existential crisis.

I am terrified of what my future looks like.

I’m a cook. I have no drive, almost no motivation. I can’t keep doing this when I’m 40, or 50, or even 60. I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

How am I going to take care of myself in the future?

15. It makes your heart ache.

How little I see my mother and grandmother (work across the world), and how time’s flying by. They look older every time I see them now, which is every ~3 months pre-corona.

When I first moved out, it wasn’t like that. It’s like grandma hit 88, mom hit 60 and then… their aging accelerated.

They’re not meant to grow old, only I am…

14. It really is the little things.

For me it’s none of my life’s “great” wrongs. The big mistakes I made in life were ones made honestly, in sh*t circumstances where there probably was no right answer. They were costly. I’ll probably always pay for them. But I’m at peace with that.

The ones that get me are the stupid little ones. I didn’t stop and give that girl and umbrella when she was standing in the rain. I didn’t even think of it until it was too late. Stuff like that. I don’t blame people for screwing up the big things in life. They’re called the big things because they are bigger than you, and it’s real easy to get run over by them.

It’s these little things, where we legitimately should have known better, where it would have been easy to do the right thing…that sh*t is what I’m afraid of. You know…if someone’s waiting to judge us when we die.

13. It takes time to become a good person, for most of us.

One time I was at the science center on a field trip and we were walking in a line, as one does, when another group from a different school walked by in the same hallway.

Among these children one was a young boy, and I sh*t you not, his entire face was covered in acne. There was not a single spot on this young man’s face that didn’t have a boil on it. It wasn’t pizza-face, it was like a proper disfigurement. His face was all… bubbly.

I had never seen this before, let alone prepared for it, so I was shocked. Taken aback. This guttural reaction was so powerful that I cringed immensely fu*king hard at his tiny pimply face. In that moment, in that brief half-second interaction, I saw that face shatter into despair. Shame. And then he was gone. I never saw him again.

I still think about it sometimes and feel really fu*king bad about it.

12. This is terribly sad.

My mother sent our dog to the vet to be euthanized alone. I knew she had to be put down, her kidneys were failing, she was senile and almost entirely incontinent, but I had no idea that neither my mother nor my sister intended to stay with her to the end. I wasn’t there because she deteriorated fast and I live hours away, but if I had known no one else was willing to go with her I would have dropped everything and driven home to do it.

I know it’s not technically my fault, but when I think about it I’m fu*king distraught. She was our family dog for 14 years and they took her to a place she was terrified of and let her die surrounded by strangers. Mom said she couldn’t do it, that it was too hard. I think that’s bullsh*t, she should have been strong for our girl or called me so I could do it. She had been with us for more than half my life, and she wasn’t perfect but she was a good girl, damn it.

Rest In Peace, Kyah, my sweet, dopey good girl.

11. The rules aren’t always fair.

Things I did while working as an ICU nurse.

Many patients or families would want “everything done” and so that is what we did, but sometimes, these things felt morally wrong. The treatments could be painful or uncomfortable and the patients often passed away despite our best efforts.

Instead of passing away peacefully surrounded by family, they passed away in ICU rooms filled with strangers and noisy equipment with tubes coming out of every possible hole in their bodies. Sometimes, they were intubated and sedated and never got to say goodbye to loved ones. God forgive me.

10. This is not a good aunt.

Part of me believes I was responsible for my grandma passing away. I was only 8 at the time. I had never experienced anyone dying before, so I didn’t even know what was going on with her. All I knew was that everyone went every day to see her at the nursing home and people were sad.

I always wanted to go because I loved seeing her and hearing her stories. During one of the visits, I remember feeling super warm and having a horrible stomach ache. When I got home I threw up for hours and found out I had a very high fever. The next morning my grandma passed away.

My aunt found out I was sick the night before she passed and immediately blamed her death on me. She said grandma probably caught my sickness and it was too much for her body to handle, so she passed.

I know it’s not true, but there’s still the guilt I feel for visiting her when I was sick. I don’t think I’m ever going to lose that guilt.

9. It just hits you sometimes.

The fact that time is not as abundant as it feels like.

8. What a horrible adult.

The kid with CP at youth football camp (ages 8-10).

He was a nice kid. Super eager, did his best and god damnit he loved football. But he had CP. He could run but in his own fashion. He could catch, but only like a breadbasket.

All of camp was non-contact. Just drills and practice. At the end of the week long camp we played flag football games in a tournament fashion. It was amazing. Such a blast.

The commissioner said he couldn’t play.

I’ll never forget how he cried and begged. He pleaded to play. I’ll never forget how he bawled, “why can’t I play?! Why can’t I play!?”

I knew I was watching something tragic but didn’t know the weight of it. We played the games, he was given a clipboard and that was that. But you could see that spark and passion he had all through camp was gone from his eyes. The games weren’t the same. My father, who was a coach in the league came up to me after the games and asked me about it. I was still very upset from it.

I asked why he couldn’t play. My father said it was too dangerous for him. I said how unfair that was.

My father agreed. He told me to remember him. Remember how he cried. He said to remember how lucky I am that I can do the things I can do. He said to remember those that can’t. He said to remember how they would do anything to do the smallest things.

I remember that kid from time to time. I don’t remember him enough.

7. Lesson learned, I guess.

In the 5th grade a couple of us hooligans snuck back into school during recess and took most of our teachers candy collection (that she would use as rewards or prizes). When she found out someone stole her candy, she started bawling her eyes out about how that candy comes out of her pocket and can’t believe students would take advantage of her kindness.

I felt so fu*king bad and always hoped we didn’t hurt her willingness to go above and beyond for her students, I’m sorry Ms. Johnson ?

6. More now than ever.

honestly? the future of humanity. I worry a lot if we as a species are doomed. It’s a terrifying thing.

5. We never appreciate our grandparents enough as kids.

The way we treated our great-grandmother who was a saint. I loved her dearly but made fun of her. That woman worked her ass off and never complained.

I never heard her say a bad word against anyone, yet I know I hurt her feelings. Instead of being a jerk to her, I should have striven to be more like her.

4. You just never know.

What weighs on me, is something not from too long ago.

My little sister came into my room in the morning, crying, shaking and visible very upset. And she hugged me, and cried even more. When I asked what was wrong, she begged something of me that made my blood go cold.

“Please, don’t kill yourself,”

She had a nightmare that I committed.

The thing is, I almost did, 2 months before that. I thought nobody cared for me, and if my own family didn’t love me, than what was the point of living? I never got down to it, and didn’t try it, but it was very close.

And then came my sister, crying, out of herself with grief because she saw me do it in a dream. I can’t even imagine how it would have effected her if I did it for real. The fact that I almost put her through something like that, it makes me tear up every time I think about it. Even now I’m writing this with tears in my eyes.

I took the love of my sister and my family for granted, but I never will again.

3. No way around it.

Survivor’s guilt. It always feels like there was something I should of done, or like I should have died instead of one of them. That they didn’t deserve it but I deserved to die and that I would trade places in an instant.

I know I couldn’t have done anything. I know I can’t trade places no matter how badly I want to. Terrorism doesn’t really ask for your opinions

2. This person’s heart is gold.

When I was younger, I found a baby bunny in our garden. I told my mom, and she told me to leave the bunny alone. Still, I’d move a leaf or two to give it shade if the sun is shining right on it. I’d constantly check on, cuz it looked so cute. But one day, it stopped moving. I called my mom, and she looks at me really sad and tells me it died.

Honestly, a part of me died that day. Like its been years, but I just can’t get over it. Why did such an innocent creature have to die? If God really is fair, why wasn’t he fair to that bunny (I come from a religious Hindu family)? But more importantly, why couldn’t I save it? If I checked more often, maybe I would have seen something that could have saved it. I know I couldn’t have done anything, but it still hurts man.

1. I hope it gets better.

I don’t think I’m ever going to be happy anymore. I feel so far gone with my problems. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like the innocent child I once was.

I might make improvements and get better over time… but I feel like the water is already murky and I’m chained to my past. I suppose I could be more specific… but it’s just too depressing to even talk about.

I feel all of these like a stab to the heart.

Do you have a memory like this? We would love if you would share it in the comments.

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People Share the Coolest Thing They Ever Did on Accident

I really like the term “happy accident.” It puts a positive spin on the accident, which people generally associate with bad things going down, but listen – sometimes, good things happen when we’re not expecting them at all.

Which is pretty awesome.

These 17 people are here to tell you it’s true – totally cool stuff can happen without you meaning to do it at all.

17. Who doesn’t want to be Spiderman!?

High school. Walked by 2 kids in the hallway. Kid 1 playfully threw water bottle at Kid 2’s back just as we passed each other.

The bottle bounced off and I caught it with my hand without looking or even turning my head, and I just had a blank nonchalant expression as I did that.

I handed it back to them with a poker face, but I was actually losing my mind and felt like Spiderman lol.

16. How you know you’ve chosen the right profession.

First bartending shift ever, picked up a bottle of fairly expensive liquor (Patron Añejo). Slipped from my hand, held out my foot to slow the fall of the bottle to lessen the spread of shattered glass, and the bottle ended up resting on my outstretched foot completely unharmed.

The one customer that was there (slow opening shift) saw the whole thing and freaked out, thinking I’ve been bartending for decades. I’ve never felt prouder of my reflexes.

15. A memory to last a lifetime.

I accidentally caught an interception in high school and scored a touchdown. I was just as surprised to catch it as everyone else since I was just crossing over and the next thing I know I see the football flying over me.

I instinctively reached up and caught it, and the only thing in my head at that point was “run” so I booked it and got a 60 yard touchdown

14. That’s some kind of divine intervention!

I was cooking once and my knife dropped from my cutting board. Reflex’s kicked in and I used my foot to stop it. Reflexes also used to much force (I’ve never been good at hacky sack because of this) and somehow not only did i not get stabbed but I kicked the knife back up and it ended up stuck in the cutting board. I had to just turn stove off and leave everything for about 10 minutes.

13. Couldn’t do that again if he tried.

Threw a paper ball into the teachers mug instead of the paper bin. I peaked that day in seventh grade ?

12. You gotta go out on a high note.

Scored a goal in a soccer game.

I’m lousy at sports. Always have been. But, in 7th grade, I signed up for a lunch break soccer tournament. As expected, I was awful. All I could do was run around and get in the way of the opposing team.

But one day, I was near the goal defended by the other team while nearly all the other players were heading back from the other end of the field. One of my teammates kicked the ball hard in my direction.

Someone yelled my name. I saw the ball. I put up my hands to block it, remembered that hands aren’t allowed in soccer, and ducked. The ball hit my head and bounced straight toward and into the goal, much to everyone’s utter amazement.

We won that game. I never played soccer again.

11. Small, but fun.

Bought someone a Coke without looking at it and it had their name on it.

10. An amazing story.

I stopped a lady at a crosswalk because her underwear was hanging out of the back of her skirt (look like a mistake in the bathroom maybe). She stepped back off the crosswalk in about 2 seconds later a vehicle making a left turn at high speed smashed into parked cars right next to where she would have been standing.

She would have been dead.

9. The universe talking to you.

I got angry, so I crumpled up a receipt and threw it at the wall. It bounced off and landed in a vase on the counter. I stopped in my tracks and thought “well I can’t be mad after witnessing that.”

8. His kids thought he was so cool for awhile.

One time I was driving a kids bike in small circles.. so I went a bit too tight on my circle, ended up horizontal with my bike, ending up with JUST the side of the pedal touching the ground, did a full 360 turn, then popped back up like it was some 1000/1000 difficulty BMX move or somesh#t.

Like.. is that even a move for BMX tricks?? Not sure but I did it, completely on accident but still.

7. And he couldn’t even be mad.

I hit my mate in the nutsack with a tennis ball from across a football field once.

6. I can’t believe the whole restaurant didn’t slow clap.

Waitressing in college I was carrying a huge tray of dirty dishes from the dining room to the kitchen down a little hallway. I slipped on some water, went down hard on my butt but managed to keep the tray perfectly level and didn’t spill a thing.

Not a major achievement but kept me from having to clean for the next half hour.

5. Lots of people accidentally catching balls.

When I was a kid, my cousins and I were outside and they were playing catch with a football. I was sitting on a chair not really paying attention, stretched out my arm to stretch and at the same time, my cousin missed the ball when it came at him.

I stretched out my arm and next thing I know I’ve caught it perfectly without even looking. With my non-dominant hand, might I add.

4. That’ll get your blood pumping.

Accidentally corrected a skid when I lost control of my car on an icy road. I hit my brakes too hard and noticed my car started to drift to the left.

Instinctively, I let off the gas and turned my steering wheel left, into the drift, and my car went back to driving in a straight line.

3. Accidental hero.

I had headphones in walking downtown a busy street, a kid almost hit me with his bike coming down the driveway so I stopped it by the handle bars.

The mom came running down the driveway and I was thinking “Oh great, a Karen.” After taking my headphones out she thanked me in a panic for stopping her son from flying into the street as a car passed by.

Never noticed it drive by.

2. Bet he still couldn’t breathe for awhile.

Accidentally did a full 360 in my car while driving down an icy road in the winter.

Nearly shat my self while watching the telephone pole getting closer, but I saved the spin and kept driving along like I meant to do it.

1. I’d say that qualifies.

My dad accidentally had the best acid trip of his life at a Grateful Dead concert.

At age 18, my dad had to wear a body cast due to surgery for his scoliosis. His buddies heard of a Grateful Dead concert a couple towns over in California, and they invited him along. My dad was laid flat in the back of an old Studebaker station wagon for the ride.

When they arrived, my dad’s buddies asked him to hide their hits of paper acid in his body cast so they could be discrete, since all of them had been arrested for possession prior.

My dad obliged and all was going well for a bit. Once the Grateful Dead started playing, my dad was dancing around, best he could, and began to sweat. Cue the paper acid being absorbed into his system and suddenly he’s tripping balls at a once in a lifetime concert.

We need more of these in our lives, don’t you think?

Has a happy accident stuck in your memory? Tell us about it in the comments!

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“Happy Accidents” That People Have Never Been Able to Forget

When most of us think about the most notable accidents of our lives, it’s probably not-so-good things that come to mind. The injuries, the total mess-ups.

If you think harder, though, you might – like these 15 people – recall some moments where completely cool things happened out of the blue.

15. Ahhh, sweet innocence.

When my brother was in college (I’m younger than him), I took a weekend trip up to stay with him. One night we went to a line dancing event with him and a lot of his friends. I felt very out of place and very uncool since I was a lowly high schooler and they were almighty college kids, so I kind of kept to myself and was just weird when I got paired with his friends.

Later that evening, we went to Waffle House to eat, and we’re all crammed into a small booth (about 7 of us). My brother shot a straw wrapper at me while I was in conversation with someone, and I threw up my hand to shield my face without looking. The straw wrapper landed IN BETWEEN my index and middle fingers, and it looked like I straight up Naruto’d him or something.

The whole table exploded in amazement, and that’s the biggest I’ve ever felt in my whole life. It’s been 15 years since that happened, and it’s one of my most vivid memories.

14. Happy to be alive.

When I was about 14/15 I was rushing down the stairs and tripped about 7 or 8 steps from the bottom, going into complete freefall for a moment.

To avoid an extremely painful tumble, I instinctively reached out with my arm and happened to grab the newel post (the end bit of the banister) with my hand at the same time that one of my feet only just managed to make brief contact with a step.

The momentum then swung my entire body around the newel post, my foot lost contact with the step again, then when I finally came to a stop I had landed firmly on both feet and didn’t have a single scratch on me. One of the scariest moments of my life.

13. The right place at the right time.

I was a lifeguard on the ocean. I was having a pretty shit day, and on top of it my lunch was postponed an hour.

I headed up the beach to the nearest hotel to eat. As I was leaving the restaurant I heard a crowd of people screaming near the pool. As I came down the stairs towards, I saw a young child floating face down in the water. I immediately pulled the kid out and gave rescue breathing until the EMT could arrive.

The next day the parents walked down to my stand to thank me. They were originally told by their doctors they couldn’t have children, but a few years later were blessed with this young boy..their only child. The mother told me I was their guardian angel that day.

I’m not a very religious person, but this story still gives me goose bumps knowing that I was the right person in the right place at the right time for that boy. I started off angry about my lunch time change, but this was the outcome. ?

12. A moment that turns you speechless.

It’s either that or the time I gave my brother in law ball-in-a-cup for Christmas (based on a long-running joke we had, I honestly pick good presents). After trying it out for a good while and having no luck, he got frustrated and jokingly said it was broken.

To make him feel better, I grabbed it off the floor and said it took practice and that nobody ever succeeds at getting the ball in the cup right away.

To prove my point, I had a go myself and nailed it on my first try. Neither of us really knew what to say.

11. Everybody drinks!

Was playing a game of beer-pong and randomly threw a bottle cap and hit the enemy’s ball straight out of the air.

There was a lot of confusion.

I felt pretty damn awesome in that moment.

10. Classic.

I was taking a tour of one of the U.S government buildings, I believe the Capital but I’m not sure, during a school trip. During the tour, the guide showed us a chandelier and asked if anyone knew how much it was worth.

Flippantly, I answered something like 4.7 million like I already knew the answer. Turns out, it was the correct answer: the tour guide said “sounds like someone’s been doing his research.”

None of my friends believed me when I told them that I hadn’t already known the answer. I believed me though.

9. Do not try this at home.

Drunkenly invested money into stocks… Made back triple that money.

8. The tea is really the kicker.

Christmas Party at a friend’s new apt. She’d made the place lovely, after her return from Italy. She’s set up her 1st adult Christmas tree. After dinner it’s time for pumpkin pie and hot drinks, I’m getting my tea.

From across the room I see someone accidentally brushed past the tree and it begins to wobble and spin heading for a fall with all of her hand blown Italian ornaments on it.

Somehow I cross the room, unspin the tree, set it back in its proper place (with all of its ornaments intact) and never spilled any tea.

7. This is absolutely hilarious.

I was sh*tfaced/rollin last Saturday night out at the bars, and heard someone screaming inside this cookie joint at like 2 am. So I drunkenly ran in because from the window it looked like an old friend of mine and I thought maybe something was wrong.

I get inside and decide I want to just surprise him by running up and hugging the fucking shit out of him from behind. So I wrap my arms around him and scream “GUESS WHO MOTHERF*CKER!” All of a sudden, the few other people in this cookie shop run over and tackle us to the ground! Im beyond fucked up, so I just lay there with my arms locked around my friend while people are on top of us. Someone then shouts “I got his gun”…

Yep….Not only was this guy not my friend, but he was in fact robbing this place. I had just drunkenly stopped a fucking robbery. Apparently when I hugged him and shouted guess who, he got so scared that he dropped his gun allowing the other people to rush in and subdue him.

6. He couldn’t do it again if he tried.

We were playing a game of dodgeball, and since there were too much people on the benches, the coach decided to add a rule: anyone who can throw the ball directly into the basketball-goal (spelling?) can immediately deliver everyone.

I had one of the balls in hand when he said that, and the moment he signaled the game to continue, I threw the ball randomly (because I have the worst aim ever) and it somehow went straight into it! I never managed to pull it off a second time, but boy was I proud for the entirety of that day!

5. Mr. Miagi would be proud.

Once cut a fly in half while in flight. Pretty big house fly annoying me while prepping dinner and in my anger I sliced at the fly only for it to fall to ground in pieces, had to wash the knife afterwards though.

4. That’s what’s called beginner’s luck.

Target shooting at a friends house. He wasn’t having much luck with his new rifle so of course I was giving him shit big time. He got a bit frustrated, handed the rifle to me and said “If you can talk all that shit, here you do better than I did”

He told me to shoot the bowling pin that hangs by twine on the left. I sarcastically replied “I’ll shoot that bitch down by taking out the string” I put it up to my shoulder, aimed for the center of the bowling pin and pulled the trigger.

By some freak chance I hit the twine and the bowling pin dropped. I was celebrating because I honestly had not aimed at the twine. He was a bit salty until I told him that I have no fuckin idea how I hit that string because I wasn’t even aiming for it LOL

3. Video or it didn’t happen.

Someone tried to flick a lot cigarette in my face in front of a bunch of girls to be “cool.” Well I showed them because the cigarette landed in my mouth filter first and I took a drag like nothing happened.

2. Wow. What a tragic ride.

Saved my friend’s life, and maybe doomed her cousin to death instead.

Ok, so this was the late 70s. My friend (and next door neighbor) and I were maybe 4 or 5 at the time. She had family visiting at the time, and the visiting family left their 2 or 3 year old son out to play with us in the front yard. (for sake of brevity, I’ll just say we were 5 and the son was 3)

Yep, you heard correctly, they left their 3 year old to be watched over by a pair of 5 year olds. This was back in the days when lawn darts were a kids toy and there were no mandatory seatbelts, etc.

So my friend and I were being 5 year olds, playing around and not watching her little cousin as closely as we should have been. Suddenly I see her little cousin, clad in nothing but a diaper, walk out into the street just as a pickup truck comes roaring down the road. I started screaming for him to come back. My friend, then alerted to what was going on, bolted into the street to fetch her cousin. I, purely instinctively, lurched forward and grabbed her dress and pulled on her, but only slowing her down. As she got passed the point of the parked cars the truck hit her cousin, killing him instantly, just a few feet in front of us.

Her family heard us screaming and ran outside to see their son lying dead in the roadway. That is the first time I ever heard the banshee wail of a parent that had lost a child. That sound…it’s not a scream, it is a sound so much more visceral, soul crushing and terrifying than any sound you can consciously make. I watched the boy’s father cradling his son’s body in the roadway like the dramatic death scenes you see in movies. Some seriously f*cked up shit for a pair of 5 year olds to experience. I don’t know how I am not more f*cked up than I am.

So, by pulling on my friend’s dress, I may have well prevented two deaths that day. On the other hand, she might have been able to snatch her cousin away to safety at the last second. I still don’t know which it is four decades later, and it haunts me. It is tough just to write/relive this. Especially since I had kids of my own. Those memories have taken on a whole other meaning.

1. Ten points to Gryffindor.

Told my parents I would take the dog I picked up on the side of the road to the shelter after the three-day weekend (i think it was labor day).

Forgot to take her on the morning they opened back up and somehow she accidentally wound up living with us for 10 amazing years until she passed.

Don’t you just love moments like these?

If you’ve got a similar memory, tell us about it in the comments!

The post “Happy Accidents” That People Have Never Been Able to Forget appeared first on UberFacts.

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This is Why Dogs “Run” in Their Sleep

Dogs do all sorts of hilarious things, and honestly, most of them make us love them more. They’re doofuses, but adorably so, right?

It’s no surprise then, that we’re naturally curious about these animals who are truly our best friends. We love to learn why they do the funny things they do, so we can understand and love them that much more.

In short, they’re family, and there’s nobody we need to “get” more.

Image Credit: iStock

If you’ve owned (or watched) a dog, chances are you’ve watched them dreaming. Right? Yeah you have.

They twitch, they whimper, and yes, they act like they’re running as they lie on the rug.

But why? After all, do they really dream? Or is there something else going on?

Image Credit: iStock

Well, it actually depends on what stage of life they’re in.

If your dog is young, the “running” might be a simple muscle twitch, which is just their bodies developing into adults.

Image Credit: iStock

If your dog is older and still moves its legs, it’s possible they are indeed dreaming about running toward – or away – from something.

Experts don’t know for sure whether dogs dream, and of what, for obvious reasons. We do know they experience REM and slow-wave sleep, though, and that humans dream during REM.

Image Credit: iStock

Dogs spend less time in that state than we do, though they do sleep more hours of the day than we do, so it’s definitely reasonable to think they are dreaming.

And of course, we love to think they’re more like us than not.

Now go and snuggle that sleeping pooch!

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People Share Their Disgust About a Man Who Prefers Water on His Cereal

Cereal is the perfect meal any time of the day, and if you buy yourself the yummy sugary kind your parents always refused you (you are, right?) it’s also a lovely snack.

This guy, though, prefers to drown his with water instead of milk.

Eating cereal with water is better than with milk from unpopularopinion

We’re all horrified, and these 21 responses generally sum up our shock and disdain.

21. Quietly violent.

Upvoting just because of how violently unpopular and straight up terrible this opinion is.

20. Short, sweet, to the point.

You disgust me.

19. I think we’ve proven that wrong.

“Opinions can’t be wrong…they’re just opinions.”

You can’t ever say that if you know this OP.

Disgusting.

18. This guy needs more information for some reason.

Which type of cereal- oats, cream of wheat, grits or other breakfast cereals like corn flakes, Cheerios, Captain Crunch, etc ?

Because there’s a difference…

17. He’s earned it.

Jesus Christ you’re strange… take my upvote.

16. That’s a bright side for ya.

Interesting.

I’ve never talked to a demon before.

Is hell hot or cold? Lol.

15. Different strokes, I guess.

This is the true purpose of this sub.

Spread the truth brother!

But i totally disagree lol.

14. We just have a lot of questions, ok?

Do you drink the water afterwards?

13. There is a better way!

literally the worst type of person lmao

i have to upvote as well, but HOW COULD YOU LIKE THIS, OP?!

12. Sorry, but receipts are required.

Can you post a video of you eating cereal with water, I just don’t believe this.

11. Just go.

You’re disgusting.

Take this upvote and leave.

10. Monsters gotta monster.

Have a preferred cereal/water combo?

Does does honey bunches of oats pair well with Fiji water?

Prob a tap man.

9. Not suitable for anyone, really.

Mark this as NSFW, this is disgusting.

8. Not all of us have the stomach for the video.

I don’t think I could watch it, I will need third party confirmation.

There’s some dark sh%t I’ve seen on the internet, but this crosses a line.

7. You’re missing out on the best part!

Yes, cereal flavored milk is a treat.

Back in my stoner days, we talked about how we wished you could just buy a bottle of cereal flavored milk.

6. No question about it.

This has to be, by far, the most unpopular opinion in the world. You’re not human.

5. We might need an exorcist.

What the actual f*ck is wrong with you. Here is your upvote.

4. We are just paralyzed by it.

His opinion hurts me deeply.

I won’t downvote him.

But I can’t upvote him, either.

3. What we’re all thinking.

What. The. F*ck.

You absolute psychopath. You insane, crazy, mentally f*cked up, poor motherf*cker. Jesus f*cking Christ.

Take my upvote.

2. Is this a dig against Amish people?

I’m pretty sure if you told an Amish person what cereal is even they would consider this too bland.

1. In short.

Wot in tarnation?

I cannot with this guy, yall. Something is wrong with him.

If you somehow agree, please explain yourself in the comments!

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What Advice Can You Give a Single Father Raising a Daughter by Himself? People Shared Their Thoughts.

If there’s one thing that people who have kids understand, it’s that moment of panic that occurs when you realize you have no idea what you’re doing.

Most of us, though, will never stand in this man’s shoes; his friends died in a car accident, leaving him with sole custody of their 3mo daughter.

Image Credit: Reddit

He’s alone, he’s got a baby he wasn’t prepared for and, since he has no other children, has no experience to rely on – but don’t worry. The internet has his back.

Here are 18 people swooping in with some very good advice.

18. Just breathe.

I am a dad with two girls.

They love forts, jungle gyms, trampolines, Mindcraft, helping me in the garage just as much as anything typically concerned girly.

Just do things, ANYTHING, together and she will absolutely love you for the time and you will be surprised how much you love being with her.

3 months is young so remember to breath for this first year. Once she is walking and talking it gets easier. Don’t forget to ask for help and get rest.

YOU GOT THIS!

Consider it your life’s purpose and you will live up to the honor that was bestowed upon you.

17. It’s as easy – and as hard – as that.

As a step-father (and someone who was adopted) all I can offer is love her for who she is, always let her know who her parents were.

A lot of it will come naturally, hopefully you have some friends or family that will help out

Raise her as if she was your daughter, teach her respect and values and she will turn out fine

16. Take her with you.

Take her places! Don’t stop doing the things you love, but include her if you can. Take her to the store, out to eat, go running in a jogging stroller (when she’s a teeny bit older).

Take her for walks and go on vacation with her! Kids soak up everything around them and activity tires them out so they sleep better. Good luck, Dad!

15. Just care.

All parents fail their children. You’re human so it’s inevitable to make mistakes. The difference between a good parent and a shitty one is if you care to try and improve and learn from your mistakes. There are lots of parents out there that just don’t care.

The fact that you care puts you ahead of a sizeable portion of people. You’re gonna be just fine.

Some fatherly advice… 1. They do sleep eventually 2. Crying is the only way they can communicate early on. They’re not screaming in your face just to piss you off. 3. Shower them with hugs, kisses and “I love you”s until the day you die.

14. This made me cry.

I have a three year old daughter. I’m a stay at home dad. This morning we watched some DC LEGO superhero movie (she said she loves Batman and Superman equally), and the day before she “pranked” me by painting my nails. Really she picked out the color and I did most of the painting, but she loves it.

When you’re able just spend time with her. When she’s having big feelings, let her. Let her know she’s allowed to feel whatever it is she feels, and let her know it’s okay. You’ll be there to comfort her. Love her and guide her. Always be kind.

At some point it will become old hat, and you’ll be frustrated and mad. That’s normal and okay. However you can’t take it out on her. When it happens to me, I explain what I’m feeling with my daughter and why. I’m frustrated with your behavior (never them, it’s what they’re doing) because you aren’t listening to me at the moment. That kinda thing.

Be honest. Kids are smart. And if you’re honest they’ll generally ask questions and just accept whatever you tell them. I have a nephew and two nieces that are adopted. It’s fairly obvious so it being a secret was never an option. However they are told (I assume they believe it) and treated like family. The fact they’re adopted means nothing for the most part. Might as well be bright red hair for all we care. They’re blood to us. That said we’re all honest about it if they ask.

If you have any questions or concerns my wife is pretty well educated on early childhood education. Between the two of us, I feel confident we can answer your questions.

Just being loving and kind will take you a long way.

13. Trust yourself.

It’s hard to imagine a more parental feeling than that fear that we’ll fail them. All of us feel that. You’ll be great because you want to be great and that will guide you.

I am so sorry for your loss. They must’ve loved and admired you very much to agree that you should take care of their daughter in their absence. Trust their judgement and your own.

12. Don’t worry about what’s girly.

Came here to say not to get hung up on what’s “girly”… I have three daughters, and they like all of the same messy outdoor shit, shooting, comic books/movies, etc. that I do.

Also, long hair (if she eventually grows it long) can be challenging. YouTube is your friend here.

You clearly have the love part covered, which is the most important part … you got this. As for feeling like you don’t know what you’re doing – no new parent knows what they’re doing.

We all felt the same way when we had our first kid.

11. Practical advice.

On the more formal side of things where I am there is a schedule of child health nurse & doctor visits, vaccinations etc. If that kind information hasn’t been transferred then it might be best to schedule a visit with her doctor to discuss what to do next. They will know what your local systems and have the most comprehensive records for the child.

For general parenting skills before our child arrived my partner and I took a 1 day class on what to expect in the first 6 months (further classes were available for 6-12, 12-24, etc). I found a few different non-profits operating in the parenting space offering similar classes in my area (these were very reasonably priced, with discounts available if the fees would be a hardship). Some people I have discussed this with say they took similar classes at their hospital. You will probably find that her doctor is able to make a few recommendations.

These classes are great at covering the essentials, and a few extra tips. But most importantly they provide the confidence that you know what the baby needs for everything to go right, and what to do when things go wrong. At three months old it can be hard to find a spare hour let alone a day but the value they would provide is immeasurable.

10. Sensible and true.

Keep her fed, but don’t over-feed.

Keep her clean and safe, but don’t drive yourself crazy.

Love her. Go absolutely nuts. You can’t love her too much. Hold her when she cries and set up her crib in your room if you feel like it will make things easier.

Be patient with yourself. You’re going to end up making mistakes. Kids are resilient. If you get to the end of your rope, it will do the baby no damage if you put her in your crib and go to the other end of the house with your headphones on for a few minutes to collect yourself.

The fact that you’re trying to figure all this out tells me that you will be a great dad!

9. Ask for advice.

Honestly, man, as long as you love her, you’ll never fail her.

Join some parenting groups on reddit and facebook. You don’t even have to post, but you’ll learn a lot by what you read. Having your mom along for the ride is already helping you a bunch because she raised you!

Never be afraid to ask her pediatrician, or, in the future, her teachers, for advice.

You’re doing a great thing and your friends would be so proud of you.

8. YouTube is your friend.

Sorry for your loss. Be as loving and open as you can, because she’s going to have questions you can’t answer but knowing you’re there for her will make a huge impact.

Also, look up YouTube videos about how to do hair and be ready to have a talk about menstruation around age 10. This includes having pads ready.

7. You can do it.

Congrats! You’re a dad.

Seriously, this is what being a dad feels like all the time. You just love them completely and want to make sure you don’t fail them in any way.

You’re on the right track. This is a tough situation, but you’re doing it. Just keep doing your best and letting her know you love her.

For some general tips…

Wipe front to back

Make use of that diaper cream. Use what works. I like the aquaphor diaper cream.

Get yourself a dad backpack. I like the one made by highspeeddaddy.

Amazon is awesome. Get their baby wipes.

Open up that next diaper pack only when you need to. Sizing up can happen quick, and you can return an unopened case of diapers.

Baby 411 is a pretty good book on baby stuff. PM me with your info and I’ll send you a copy. We got the pregnancy one and the baby one, it was great.

Don’t bother with an overly expensive baby monitor. I got a security camera on Amazon with baby crying detection for like $35. It’s awesome.

Honestly not much difference between boys and girls outside of wiping. And at toddler age, boys in my family are downright destructive beasts.

6. Talk about her parents.

You can tell her that her mommy and daddy died in a car accident but loved her sooo much and chose you to be her Daddy when she died. She will be hurt if this is kept secret and she finds out.

You can try to remember stories or qualities from your friends and record them or type them out so you won’t forget. When she is older you can give them to her, or tell them to her.

5. On girls.

Going along with wiping front to back, stay attuned if something goes wrong and she gets a UTI (urinary tract infection). It’s when bacteria from fecal matter ends up in the urethra. She’ll say she needs to pee constantly but nothing will come out. At that point take her to a walk-in and they can give her child-friendly antibiotics. (Also, anytime she needs antibiotics make sure she gets probiotics too – yogurt will be fine).

You can do this. The fact that you’re scared is a great sign that you will be a great father to her. Like many others have said, kids are resilient. Be open and honest with her as she grows up, learn from your mistakes and apologise when mistakes happen. You’ll be okay.

When you have rules and she asks why, take the time to explain it to her. Kids are more understanding and willing to follow rules if they know where it’s coming from.

This isnt pertinent now but as she grows up, remember that all girls face body issues and adequacy issues. When she comes to you with low self esteem, don’t brush it off and tell her not to worry about it, or that its silly to think about. Let her vent and keep telling her what a beautiful and smart and funny girl she is.

Girls also face growing up with misogyny. Luckily we live in a much better situation now where women are more respected than they once were, but she will still face it. Show her that how those boys treat her is wrong and that she doesn’t have to accept that from them. Show her that her opinion is just as important.

And when it comes to sex one day, have an open conversation with her where she’s not condemned for wanting it. Most girls have had parents tell them no sex before marriage, and so they felt like they couldn’t ask questions about it. They were shamed. Let her know it’s normal to want that but (if she’s young) she should wait because sex and emotions are tied together. Once you have that bond with someone as a girl/woman, it’s a lot harder to let the next person into your heart. Be open about all her questions, tell her how to be safe, dont condemn her out of fear of her getting hurt, but let her know the emotional toll sex can have.

4. One thing at a time.

Don’t think about all the future milestones. There are so many that it is very overwhelming if you do that. Luckily, nature makes it so that they usually only hit one major milestone at a time. Right now, focus on allowing her to try to roll over.

After that, focus on crawling (you can make it fun for her if you demonstrate crawling! That’s what my toddler did for the baby and it worked). After that, it’s tasting solid foods, then learning to walk, etc etc. Only focus on the milestones as they come.

By the time you need to teach her about menstruation, you’ll be more than ready and willing. You’ll be surprised how natural this parenting thing becomes (after the first very exhausting year). You got this.

3. It’s ok to be scared.

Just being scared to fail her is an indication you won’t.

I have an 18 month old daughter the only thing I want for her is to know love. That means to me always showing affection constantly.

Especially in the beginning it’s going to be hard I hope she doesn’t cry too much for you. But remember if she does and you feel like you’re going crazy just put her down and leave the room. She’ll be ok by herself for a minute while you collect yourself.

Give her lots of food I can’t believe how often this girl eats just like all the time.

2. Find your tribe.

First off I’m sorry for your loss, and you are a real life Hero. My advice is to look for any “mom and baby” groups in your area. It doesn’t matter that you are a single dad, you will be welcome to join.

I would start with community centres, gyms/yoga studios or even Churches if that’s your thing. Being around other people with babies will help you and your daughter. She needs to be socialized and you need to be around people who understand what you are going through.

Having a group of people you can talk to about baby things will be a huge help. Good luck!!

1. Take time for yourself.

Whilst alot of people here are talking about things you can do to look after her, something i would add is look after yourself also, your best-friend has just passed away, and looking after a child (especially a child that has just been handed to you without warning) can be very exhausting mentally.

There will probably be times when you break down crying and its ok to do so, just dont do it alone, be open with family and friends or a professional.

This is one of those times when you realize the world really is full of good people.

What advice would you have given this man? We can all use amazing parenting advice if you’ve got it!

The post What Advice Can You Give a Single Father Raising a Daughter by Himself? People Shared Their Thoughts. appeared first on UberFacts.