Month: December 2019

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NYPD Put Their Elf on the Shelf to Work, and Now He’s a Cop Named Pete

The holidays are a time of surveillance — even before the Elf on the Shelf, there was Santa Claus and his ever-present watchful eye, waiting to put you on the naughty list. So, it’s sort of a natural progression that there’s now an Elf on the Shelf who’s a literal cop, thanks to the NYPD.

The New York Police Department made a new Elf on the Shelf who is a member of the city’s 19th precinct. His name is, uh, Pete.

The department tweeted a photo of the Elf, and their caption might sound familiar.

“In the criminal justice system, candy cane assaults are considered especially heinous,” the tweet reads. “In New York City, the dedicated detective who investigates these vicious crimes is a member of an elite squad & is known as #PeteOnTheBeat. These are his stories. #DunDun.”

They also gave Pete his own backstory in other tweets. He joins the 19th precinct on temporary assignment “from the far North” for a “holiday pilot program—to determine if you’ve been bad or good.”

Pete even attended his first daily briefing of the naughty and nice list.

“#PeteOnTheBeat making a list to be checked twice,” they wrote.

In other photos, Pete accidentally scans himself with the scanner, helps decorate the precinct, and studies the naughty “Most Wanted” list. The list consists of such famous criminals as the Grinch and Oogie Boogie.

And there are so many more:

So if you find some candy canes crushed this holiday season, don’t worry – Pete is on the beat.

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A Dentist Was Prosecuted for Extracting a Patient’s Tooth While Riding a Hoverboard

Going to the dentist can be an ordeal, but it helps if you truly trust your dentist to take care of you while you’re in that chair.

One dentist is being prosecuted for betraying that trust – by riding a frickin’ hoverboard during an operation. I mean, what??

Seth Lookhart, a dentist in Alaska, extracted a patient’s tooth while standing on a hoverboard – but don’t just take our word for it. He captured the whole thing on video.

After successfully finishing the extraction, Seth pulled off his gloves, hoverboarded down the hall, and threw his hands in the air victoriously.

Seth sent the video to his friends and family. Three years later, it’s being used as evidence in a criminal case against him.

Seth is facing 43 charges. Aside from the hoverboard operation (which I just cannot get over), he is also being charged with various financial crimes, including a scheme to defraud Alaska Medicaid of $10,000 and diverting over $25,000 from Alaska Dental Arts.

Seth pleaded not guilty to all counts. His defense attorney says that, while he definitely did something wrong, he didn’t commit a crime.

But…this seems illegal. And if it’s not, it should be:

“Should he lose his dental license for a period of time, for forever? Is it a crime?” attorney Paul Stockler told CNN. “He’s not the first person to do something idiotic. I’ve seen things a lot worse and nobody’s ever had criminal charges filed against them. As the law is written, I don’t believe that’s a crime.”

Seth’s patient is not the one who pressed charges. Because she was sedated, she wasn’t even aware of the hoverboard until charges were already pressed and the state of Alaska asked her to confirm that it was her in the video.

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13 Images That Are Representative of Dog Owners Everywhere

You might think you’re unique or that you’re better (or worse) than your friends and neighbors, but here’s the truth: if you own a dog, you do exactly the same things that everyone else in the world does when they also own a dog.

Want proof? Look no further than these 13 images.

13. Your camera is always ready.

12. His bed is probably more comfortable than yours.

11. Okay, but what else are you going to do with your stroller after your human kids outgrow it?

10. A very good dog always needs treats.

9. Sometimes they don’t appreciate our care.

8. When the kid wants to “help.”

7. I don’t think you understand.

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#measadogowner#lovemydoggie

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6. If he’s your baby, he’s your baby.

5. Pups deserve a happy holiday.

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#measadogowner #riptomydogmilly #millywillalwaysbenumberone

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4. I just can’t leave him.

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#dog #sad #work #no #nawww #measadogowner

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3. He is practically your child.

2. Is there another reason for Snapchat?

1. Their Halloween costume must be perfect.

Image Credit: Reddit

I’ve owned a few dogs in my day, and…yep. Guilty!

Did we miss anything? What do you always do when you’re with your dog? Point it out!

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Enjoy These Times When Kids Renamed Everyday Items Perfectly

Kids have a certain way of hitting things right on the head, and sometimes they come up with words for objects that are way more apropos than the original.

Like these 19 times.

Honestly, you’re not going to be able to argue.

19. It matters not what time of year you see them.

18. Just don’t call it that when you’re talking to the dog.

17. I only go slowing.

16. That’s…poetic?

15. Bed skins wtf.

14. Even Rhinos will love this idea.

13. It makes perfect sense.

12. Well, why wouldn’t it?

Image Credit: Twitter

11. That’s exactly what it looks like!

Image Credit: Twitter

10. Like a flamingo, but evil.

9. Morbid, but not inaccurate.

8. Daddy needs to mow.

7. Always trying to dress up a fart.

6. That’s what Dr. Seuss would call it!

5. My kid says “last day.”

4. Pockets for cheese are okay by me!

3. If only that were a job, kid.

2. They might party in a way some animals don’t like, but…

1. I think that’s close to what they’re called in German.

It’s obviously time to let kids start naming everything!

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People Share Funny Self-Deprecating Jokes

Once in a while, you gotta take one for the team, as the saying goes.

And by that, I mean you have to make fun of yourself sometimes to get a good round of laughs. Maybe even humiliate yourself.

That’s exactly what these people did.

And we thank them…

1. Not that it’s benefiting me, exactly…

2. Go ahead and stop.

Highly relatable from suicidebywords

3. Not at all.

4. Me, too!

5. That about does it.

6. Here, here!

This suicide haunts me from suicidebywords

7. Just slowly fade away…

8. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

9. Just take a look.

Photo Credit: Reddit

10. Let’s dumb it down.

Photo Credit: Reddit

11. Not exactly thriving.

Photo Credit: Reddit

12. Already living it.

Photo Credit: Reddit

13. No chance of being found there.

Photo Credit: Reddit

14. No messages to speak of.

Photo Credit: Reddit

15. Photographic memory.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Put yourself down once in a while. In a fun way, I mean!

It’s good for you!

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Desperate Ways That Celebrities Have Tried to Stay Relevant

We live in the age of social media “influencers,” and it’s pretty easy for celebrities to figure out a way to make some extra cash off of their fame. If their initial careers peter out, there are plenty of solid back-up options.

And also, plenty of not so solid back-up options. Over the years, celebrities have resorted to all kinds of wacky antics to hold onto their dying fame.

On AskReddit, users shared the most desperate bid for fame that they’ve ever witnessed from fading celebrities. These stories are pretty bleak!

1. Remix albums.

“Vanilla ice putting out an album 5 years ago with 5 different versions of Ice Ice Baby.”

“He played at my college to promote that album.”

2. Infomercials.

“Infomercials. My favorite is Montell Williams selling blenders with special guest star Silvia Browne.”

“Shaq’s icy hot commercials are pretty funny.”

“Kevin Bacon’s commercials in the UK for EE. Impossible not to cringe every time they come on TV.”

3. Phone sex operator.

“When Octomom became a phone sex operator and did porn.”

“Lest we forget the time she ‘guest starred”‘on MTV’s Silent Library. She laid back on a gyno table with her feet in the stirrups and ‘shot’ plastic baby dolls at the contestants from her vag.”

4. Stage-bombing.

“Lil Mama getting on the stage when Jay-z & Alicia Keys were performing. Oh God!”

5. Under-attended concerts.

“Aaron Carter just performed a concert in my town for a crowd of a whopping fifty people.”

6. Farfetched lawsuits.

“Lindsey Lohan apparently suing Rockstar because of stuff in GTA 5. Claiming that they are using her as an image or something stupid.”

“Will.i.am suing Pharrell for saying “I am” in a song.”

7. Fake relationships.

“Farrah Abraham faking a relationship with James Deen.

8. Reality shows.

“When any “celebrity” does a “celebrity” reality show (ie Celebrity Diving Challenge, Dancing with the Stars, Celebrity Fit Club, Celebrity Rehab). It’s just so embarrassing.”

“David Hasselhoff’s reality show. Basically every reality show.”

9. Random sitcoms.

“Kristie Alley always seems to show up in a terrible new sitcom/commercial every other year. Just stop it already!”

“This most recent one seems exceedingly desperate. Especially with Michael Richards playing a seemingly Kramer type character and Rhea Perlman who hasn’t been seen since her divorce.”

10. Selling their stories.

“Mine would be seeing Lindsey lohan sell out her “recovery story” to Oprah.”

11. Talk shows.

“I think the Sarah Palin show. I live in Alaska and that shit was just embarrassing for this state.”

12. All things Kardashian.

“Anything anyone with the name Kardashian does.”

“If you really think about it, they were just a little bit famous because the Robert Kardashian (the dad) was OJ Simpson’s lawyer. Kim kept that fame by sleeping with Ray J, who was also clinging to fame behind his older sister Brandy. So really, the first thing Kim did in her career was something desperate to stay relevant.”

13. Plotting with paparazzi.

“I’ve read that Jennifer Love Hewitt will personally call some of the paparazzi, but act like it’s an anonymous call, to let them know where she will be so they can show up and photographer her.”

14. American Idol.

“Becoming a “judge” on American Idol.

Mariah Carey, Jennifer Lopez, Paula Abdul. People we haven’t heard anything out of in years join the show and release more shitty music.”

15. Sex tapes.

“Dustin Diamond aka Screech doing a sex tape and having a rap career, probably.”

“The Chyna sex tape is right up there.”

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This New Breed of Apple Stays Crisp for up to a Year

Apples are the perfect snack to have in the house – tart and tasty, they’re great for baking, in yogurt, or by themselves…until the day you go to grab that last apple and find that it’s mushy and overripe.

Well, science is thinking it can help make that disappointing moment a thing of the past with these new “Cosmic Crisp” apples.

The Washington-grown hybrid was bred at Washington State University and is a cross between Enterprise and Honeycrisp apples. Researchers began working on the patented breed in 1997, and now, over 20 years later, it’s officially ready to hit stores.

According to reports, the Cosmic Crisp apples resist bruising and browning better than any other kind of apple. It also has an extremely long storage life – to the tune of around six months in a regular fridge. In a suitably controlled atmosphere, the apples can stay nice and crisp up to a full year.

Which means that not only will you not have to deal with mushy, past-their-prime apples, you also could have in-season fruit pretty much any time of the year you’d like.

The long shelf life also means less waste in the long run, but what about taste?

Well, a 2012 report published by the American Society for Horticultural Science claims that a control group of consumers rated the Cosmic Crisp apple higher than Fuji in the categories of sweetness, sourness, flavor intensity, crispness, firmness, juiciness, and overall acceptance.

The creators even boast that, if you’re baking with the apple, you should be able to reduce the amount of sugar your recipe calls for.

If you’re curious, the whitish specks on the apple’s skin earned it its name – Cosmic – and allow the apple to exchange gases with its environment.

Isn’t science kind of a miracle all on its own? I certainly think so!

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These Tweets Might Just Turn Your Frown Upside down

We all need a little help now and then, and even though I am in no way encouraging you to smile if you don’t feel like it or telling you that you owe one single person a smile (you don’t), if YOU feel like you could use a laugh, well….here you go.

I’m just going to set these 13 tweets full of wholesome goodness right here and let you enjoy at your will.

13. Let me think. No.

12. This is your daily PSA about drinking too much and why it’s bad but also can be amusing.

11. Ladies, you know what he really wants.

10. Nothing to see here but AWWWW.

9. I don’t know about you, but I can relate to this.

8. When you’re just too good at making breakup playlists.

7. A George Costanza for the modern age. #doaleavebehind

6. “Dork a** losers” is officially my go-to now.

5. He identifies with Parker’s grandpa so much.

4. I think about this when I hand out papers but I still do it because THEY STICK OKAY.

3. I think this is Dakota’s official statement.

2. Pardon me I may have been mistaken.

1. It’s the decimal points that make the tweet.

Now that’s what I’m talking about – A+, internet!

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Check out the History of the “Shiny Brite” Christmas Ornament

I bet that your grandmother had box-loads of these beautiful, brightly colored and extremely fragile ornaments. You can also find them in antique and vintage stores, and, if you’re lucky, thrift stores. They’re called Shiny Brite, and the story behind them is rooted, surprisingly, in war.

Photo Credit: Public Domain

Shiny Brite originated with a German toymaker named Max Eckardt. Eckardt was born in 1890 in Oberlind, which was 20 miles away from the glass ornament hub of Lauscha. In 1926, he opened his first ornament company in Oberlind with his brother, Ernst. Presciently, they also opened an office in New York City, where Max emigrated in the late 20s.

In 1937, Eckardt foresaw a second world war on the horizon, and he feared he would no longer be able to import his glass ornaments from Germany. So he decided to open his own factory stateside. He called it the Shiny Brite Company because the insides of the balls were coated with silver nitrate, which kept them shiny and reflective.

That same year, Eckardt approached the Corning Glass Company. He told them Woolworth’s would buy a sizable amount of ornaments if their light bulb production machinery could be modified to make the glass balls. Corning was able to successfully produce the glass globes that Eckardt needed – and Woolworth’s very first order was for 235,0000.

Woolworth’s Five-and-Ten-Cent Stores started selling them in 1939 for up to ten cents each.

Eckerdt’s foresight paid off. By 1939, with Hitler in power and the British setting up blockades, glass ornaments from Germany were impossible to import.

Corning was making 300,000 Shiny Brite ornaments a day by 1940. They lined the balls with silver nitrate and coated them with lacquer before sending them out to the artists, including the ones at Eckerdt’s factory, for decorating. After the artists painted the silver balls in vibrant colors, they were packaged to be sold in their iconic brown and green boxes.

Over time, other designs emerged such as tops, bells and icicles.

While World War II waged overseas, Eckardt had to make some adjustments. Silver nitrate and lacquer became scarce, so the company had to paint directly onto clear glass. Metal caps and hooks were eliminated in favor of cardboard and yarn. And the tiny bits of tinsel inside some of the ornaments had to be taken out altogether.

Then, when the war finally ended, the U.S. government asked Eckhardt to go to West Germany and help rebuild the original ornament industry there.

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?”It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”? This is my favorite part of my Christmas decor, and this is part of my collection of vintage glass ornaments. I don’t always save it for last…it just worked out that way this year because I ordered a new flocked tree for these beauties to shine so brite. It arrived a few days ago, and I’ve been busy with other things ever since. But now is the time! See you in a couple of days! ???????????????????? * * * * * #shinybrite #vintage #vintageornaments #vintagechristmas #crazy4christmasdecor #tujloveschristmas #acottagegirlcrushes #fleamarket #fleamarketdecor #cottagesandbungalows #thrift #thriftstorefinds #familyheirloom #madeinpoland #madeingermany #madeinjapan #flockedtree #christmasdecor #christmaspast #vintagepackaging #retrochristmas #ourthriftstoredecor

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Here in the States, Eckardt’s business continued to boom, with thousands of machine-painted Shiny Brite ornaments flying out factory doors daily from four facilities throughout the 1950s.

Eckardt died in 1961, right as plastic ornaments began to get popular. Glass ornaments slowly fell out of favor, and their production eventually stopped.

Then, in the late 90s, designer Christopher Radko obtained the Shiny Brite name and began making and selling replicas.

But keep an eye out for boxes of the original Shiny Brite ornaments – if you spot one, you’ll get to hang a little vintage luxe in your tree.

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These Jokes Would Have Made Absolutely No Sense at the Beginning of the 2010s

We’ve come a long way in the past ten years. It’s hard to keep up with all the technology flying at us. Heck, I’m still trying to figure out the appeal of Twitter.

So, in the spirit of laughing at our ignorant past selves, scroll through these 10 jokes that would have made no sense at all in 2009.

1. We are getting into cars with strangers and asking for rides. In the olden days, this was called hitchhiking and our parents would ground us for doing it.

2. Girls roll out of bed in sweatshirts, pull on short shorts and put their hair in a scrunchie to go out for the day. In the olden days, this is how girls got ready for bed.

3. We are all wearing cool in-ear speakers. In the olden days, we attached entire stereos to our clothing and got tangled up in the wires.

Photo Credit: Memes Monkey

4. Alexa takes care of us. In the olden days, we had to do our own things.

5. “Millennials have ruined the society we’ve worked so hard to build.” In the olden days: “Millennial babies are so cute. They’re our future.”

6. We cannot agree on anything now. ANYTHING. In the olden days, WE WERE PERFECT.

7. We get ready for the day on social media. In the olden days, we got ready for the day in the bathroom. With the door closed.

8. Our watches are computers. In the olden days, our watches told us what time it was.

9. We don’t need to see each other to have a relationship. In the olden days, we went on dates. Together.

10. We spend a la-oht of money on our phones. In the olden days, we counted our money.

Do you feel old now? Or, are you wondering how we crawled out of our mud holes into these modern times? Discuss.

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