Month: August 2019

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Here’s How Much Sex to Have If You Want a Baby

If you wanna have a baby, you gotta have sex. No surprise there, right? But exactly how much sex? About 78 times, according to a 2017 study.

ChannelMum.com, a parenting website, surveyed couples to find out how often they had sex, and for how long, before they got pregnant. They found that it typically took 185 days from the moment that couples decided to conceive to the moment that they got a positive pregnancy test. While in the trying-to-conceive stage, couples had sex about 13 times each month.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

The study also yielded some other interesting data. Missionary was the most popular position for baby-making, followed by doggy style and the “eagle” (which is like missionary, but the bottom partner has their legs wide and in the air).

Half of the couples said that they made love a lot more frequently than normal when they were trying to conceive, and 18 percent admitted that sex became a chore rather than a pleasure. Another change is that women tended to initiate more frequently.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

“Far from being an unlucky number, 13 seems to be the lucky number couples need each month to fall pregnant,” said Siobhan Freegard, founder of ChannelMum.com.

“But while trying to conceive can be fun, it is also hard work, stressful and not every couple is lucky enough to get conceive, so while you’re focused on the baby, try to remember about each other too.”

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Amazon Is Now Selling Live Animals Online – Here Are a Few You Can Buy

In the dark recesses of Amazon, they sell live animals. It’s crazy to think that your Prime subscription can deliver a live thing on your doorstep within two days.

Before your imagination runs away from you, they are not selling anything from the actual Amazon rainforest, or even anything from a local farm.

Bummer…

Their selection is limited to animals around the size of your hand. Think home aquarium or pond.

Ready to dive in and see what they have?

Snails

Photo Credit: Amazon

Looking for the perfect algae eater to clean your tank? You can have this guy for just over $13!

Or you can have these interesting Malaysian Trumpet Snails. Isn’t he cute?

Photo Credit: Amazon

Koi

Are you looking to refresh your Koi stock? It appears there is a multitude of varieties and colors available for purchase.

Photo Credit: Amazon

Just be aware – Koi can get pricey real fast.

Tropical Fish

If tropical fish or the familiar Beta fish are more your speed, Amazon does not disappoint.

Photo Credit: Amazon

Photo Credit: Amazon

If you are scratching your head on delivery issues, check with each supplier. Most likely they offer a refund policy if these poor animals don’t arrive safely. World Wide Tropicals explains:

Dead On Arrival Policy: In the rare event that you receive a dead fish or invert please send us a picture within two hours of delivery, preferably still in the bag. Please include as much information as you can so our staff can check into the issue. Provided a customer follows our Item Acceptance Policy, we can then offer a refund, a replacement shipment, or a replacement fish on a future order. These instances are handled case by case, as it is such a rare occurrence.

And also consult with the supplier to better understand how delivery works. Most are not responsible if fish die because the items are not opened in a timely manner. See this example:

Item Acceptance Policy: Customers will receive an e-mail with tracking number and a delivery date. The delivery time of our packages should be about the same time a customer generally receives mail via UPS or USPS. Please make arrangement ensuring you are able to receive the fish when it is delivered. We are not responsible for packages left out in the elements for multiple hours, or for fish that are delivered but not unpacked in a timely fashion.

For more info on all Amazon availability, check out their “Best Sellers List.” And for all you aquarists out there…you’re welcome!

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The Darth Vader Hot Air Balloon Makes a Trip Back Home

According to Wikipedia, the 12 Star Wars films have totaled more than $9.323 billion in the box office…which is a lot.

So it comes as no surprise that someone created a Darth Vader hot air balloon. And it’s awesome.

As a part of the largest annual festival of hot air balloons, the Vader balloon made its way to Bristol International Balloon Fiesta that ran from Aug. 8-11.

Who cares? Glad you asked. While the Vader ballon has previously popped up all over the world, Bristol was one location it had never flown.

“The Darth Vader special shape hot air balloon was built in Bristol by Cameron Balloons but has never flown in this fine city. (We know!)”

In an effort to transport the Darkside, the festival committee started a crowdsourcing campaign, successfully raising over $6,300 to make this special event (even though the campaign is over, you can still donate in support of the festival itself).

Photo Credit: Youtube

This is particularly significant because Bristol is the birthplace of the man that played Darth Vader in Star Wars, David Prowse. Hint: Not James Earl Jones that did the voice, but the actual actor in the suit!

This was even hat-tipped by Luke Skywalker, himself, Mr. Mark Hamill.

Just awesome.

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15 Quick, Dumb Jokes to Share with Your Kids

Kids really love jokes. Also…kids are really bad at telling jokes.

Or, maybe they just love bad jokes.

Either way, there’s no way your little one is going to be able to stop a smile when you come home with these 15 (non) gems.

15. How do you catch a whole school of fish?

With bookworms!

14. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers!

13. Why did the pony get sent to his room?

He wouldn’t stop horsing around!

12. Why can’t a leopard hide?

Because he’s always spotted!

11. When will the little snake arrive?

I don’t know, but he won’t be long.

10. What do you call an old snowman?

Water!

9. What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling!

8. How do mountains keep warm in the winter?

Snowcaps!

7. Why do fish live in saltwater?

Because pepperwater makes them sneeze!

6. Where do you learn to make banana splits?

At sundae school!

5. Why are ghosts such bad liars?

Because you can see right through them!

4. Why did the zombie stay home from school?

He felt rotten!

3. Why are writers always cold?

View this post on Instagram

I’ve been thinking about milestones this week. • How they’re more like drafts and less like finished pieces. • Working on a typewriter recently, I realized it involves a lot less whimsy and a lot more concentration than I first imagined. • The 7 drafts above (swipe left) all nod their heads in agreement. ? • Margins don’t just appear. You can’t press the “Backspace” button to correct a mistake. Sometimes a little punctuating hammer won’t cooperate—I’m looking at you Mr. Dash.? ??? • And life, as you know, dear chronic creatives has a lot more moving pieces and clunky bits than an Olympia Typewriter. • For me, high school lead to nursing assistance lead to college lead to dropping out lead to nannying lead to unemployed-ness lead to here, where I read and write and paint and take care of my body. Draft 7. • I take courage in knowing that it’s not that I’ve missed a milestone of graduating college or landing a dream job. It is simply that I’m drafting on scrap paper until it’s time to get out the nice stuff. • And you? Do you do drafts in your art? • ??? • #chroniccreative #chronicillness #invisibleillness  #drafts #milestones #concentrate #typewriters #typewritersofinstagram #isthatevenathing #collegedropout #notashamed

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They’re surrounded by drafts!

2. What do you call a cow that cuts your grass?

A lawn moo-er!

1. Why do seagulls live by the sea?

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Fearless eyes // #NikonD5300 _____________________ What's up everybody? As I was in Rijeka (one of the bigger cities in the north of Croatia) I visitied the harbour and there were a lots of seagulls. The special thing was that they were so trustfully I was able able to come very close. These conditions made the close up picture possible. I posted some animal portraits before and I am happy to show you the next one now! Have a nice day and a great week as well! ✳ ✴ ? @el_be_photography ✳ Lens: Nikon Nikkor 18-105mm 1/800 sec. | f/13,0 | ISO 320 | 105mm _____________________ #el_be_photography #LBphotography #nikondeutschland #lifetime_photographers #seagulls #birdsofprey #birds_captures #animalphotos #animalovers #wildlifephotographer #lovefordetails #animalportrait #detailed #portrait_shot #nature_uc #visitcroatia #animals_in_world #closeup #birds_adored #nikoneurope #instanaturefriends_

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Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels!

Okay, fine. I’m laughing, too.

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15 Things That Totally Scream “I Peaked in High School”

You know the kind of people I’m talking about – your still friends on Facebook, probably so you can feel good about yourself – but it definitely seems like high school was the best years of their lives.

And well, if you’re worried that might be you, you’d better check this list of 15 signs it could be.

15. Sad.

At my ten year reunion, the prom queen came wearing a tiara with a custom “Queen ’03” sash over her shoulder. I had to go outside I was laughing so hard.

But I’ll be damned if she didn’t rock that outfit the while time, so, respect.

Still sad though.

14. I can see that.

I dated a guy with his high school mascot tattooed on his arm. It was such a turnoff.

13. Or in real life.

Still bullying the “nerds” at your 10 year reunion.

12. Fast times.

Selling pot to teenagers and then trying to get them to stay and smoke with you.

11. #bossbabe

Want to earn money from home and set your own hours?

E: thank y’all for the hella love. And sorry you all have had that ‘bestie’ (read: distant acquaintance) reach out to you with a desperate sales pitch.

10. A permanent reminder.

Getting the score of the football game you won against the school’s rival tattooed on your shoulder.

9. It might be time for a new jacket.

A guy who graduated from my high school back in 2003 was arrested a few years ago for his 2nd DUI. He was wearing his Letterman jacket in his mugshot.

8. Bless your heart.

We used to play indoor floor hockey in a loft room in the big gym of my middle school. One game I scored three goals, one of them being a bank shot off the wall.

The next year I wrote about the game for an assignment in English class and the teacher read it to the class the next day.

I’m not sure which one was my peak.

7. Stay cool!

Sharing EVERY memory from Facebook talking about the “good ol days” and “wish we could go back” when it’s only been a few years since graduation.

6. Technology doesn’t help everyone.

Filming yourself running drills and throwing footballs off camera in front of your van/mobile home.

5. Why are you still here?

When I was in high school, this guy a year before me had a fearsome reputation. At house parties, people would fear him just by name alone. He would show up to parties with his cronies and start fights. He came from a decent enough family. Everybody wanted to be on his good side.

Anyway, he graduates high school, and most of us were still in 12th grade. I remember he used to come around lunctime to smoke with the people out front, shoot the breeze and talk about how much fun it is to just sleep in and do nothing and have all this freedom.

A couple of months of “Ohhh cool!” To, “Why are you still here?” as we awkwardly shuffled back to class.

4. It’s just creepy at that point.

Partying with high schoolers when you’re 30.

3. Peaking, indeed.

Billy Joel feels compelled to write a ballad about how you and your ex were the king and the queen of the prom, how the two of you married right after high school, and how it all went to hell from there.

Bonus points if your names happen to be Brenda and Eddie.

2. That’s quite a moment.

Me,

in a horrid realization,

in the back of my 92 Camaro,

while icing that knee I blew out at the championship game senior year,

reading through the divorce papers.

1. Nothing new to talk about.

Some of the popular girls from high school still get together very frequently, and you see updates of it on facebook. I also keep in touch with some friends from high school, and I think that that’s nice. However, one of those friends of mine once ran into them during one of their get-together. He said hi and happened to be sitting not too far from them at the bar.

He said that all they did for the whole night, was talk about high school. They looked up old classmates on Facebook, laughed at them, called them names, looked at their spouses and called them names too. They still thought themselves the popular kids, as if they still had some sort of influence on all these people. Everyone has moved on, done interesting things in their life except for them. They’re just rehashing old drama and old rumors.

One of those girls had a small bit of success as a photographer in high school. She won a couple contests that were aimed at teenagers and her photos aren’t bad. Her parents turned this into a very big deal, her friends all wanted to be in her photos, and she was dead set on going to art school and getting the recognition she deserved. I don’t know if she never made it into art school or if she dropped out, but she definitely did not become a photographer. Instead, you see her launching some new startup business selling asinine live-laugh-love shit about once a year.

I know high school wasn’t golden for me!

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11 Husbands Share What They Do When Their Wives Are Gone

To all the ladies out there: do you know what your hubby does when you aren’t there? Think he has a secret life?

These 11 men confess that when the women are away, they will play…

Find out more…

1. Awwww, that’s sweet!

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. Actually, pretty normal feeling…

Photo Credit: Whisper

3. There ya go!

Photo Credit: Whisper

4. Damn!

Photo Credit: Whisper

5. Naughty naughty…

Photo Credit: Whisper

6. You can’t watch when she’s in town?

Photo Credit: Whisper

7. Yep. Been married too long…

Photo Credit: Whisper

8. Iron will…

Photo Credit: Whisper

9. Dad FTW!

Photo Credit: Whisper

10. Okay, she’s either going to LOVE or HATE this!

Photo Credit: Whisper

11. Get high every day…

Photo Credit: Whisper

What do you think about these hubbies? Not so bad? Violations of trust?

Let us know in the comments!

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This Is Why an Uber Driver Pretended to Be a Female Passenger’s Boyfriend

Uber has gotten some bad press lately, but as is true with every pool of humans, there are the ones who are trash, and the ones who stand out at the top – and driver Brandon Gale is definitely one of the good guys.

He was responding to a new ride call when he noticed there was a special request attached to the pickup – the woman wanted him to pretend to be her boyfriend.

At first, he was leery. He’s a married father, after all, and wanted to know exactly what this “pretending” entailed. But once she said she just needed him to act as if he was her boyfriend picking her up and not an Uber driver, he quickly agreed.

Before he picked her up, he took the Uber and Lyft signs out of his windows, and when he arrived, he found her speaking with a man outdoors.

They exchanged hellos like old friends (or more), and once she got into his car with a smile. Once they’d left the guy behind, she breathed a sigh of relief and spilled the entire story about how he was interested, she wasn’t, but he wouldn’t get the hint and leave her alone – to the point of following her from where she’d been with a group of friends.

Brandon recounted the full story on Facebook:

UPDATE: Thank you for helping to get the word out. More people need to know that you can use the Uber and Lyft apps to…

Posted by Brandon Gale on Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Last night, while driving for Uber, I got a call to pick up a woman from over by the fair. About 30 seconds after accepting the ride, the rider sent me a message via the app.

“When you get here, can you pretend to be my boyfriend?”

I didn’t know to what capacity she meant, so I asked ,”What do you mean?”. She then said, “I just need you to act like you know me, and that you’re not my Uber driver”.

Before I got to the pickup, I took my Uber and Lyft stickers out of my window. Although I didn’t feel comfortable removing my wedding ring, I made a mental note to keep it out of eyesight. When I got there, I had my window rolled down. A man and a woman were in the front yard, talking. The woman was my fare and she set the scene immediately. She looked over and yelled, “Hi, Babe! I’ll be right there!”. I didn’t want to leave her hanging, so i shouted back, “Awesome, because I’m starving!”. I waved at the guy. He half-assedly waved back.

The ruse was complete. Thanks to me. The Mayor of Yes-And City.

She skipped to my car, got in, and we took off. Once we got out of the guy’s sight, she told me the rest of her story. She went to the fair with a bunch of friends. In that group of friends was a guy that was very forward with her and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He also had a history of being very aggressive. She thought that she could leave him behind by heading to her car, but he followed her, claiming to be a gentleman. Before they got to her car, she claimed to have lost her keys. He offered to give her a ride, and that’s when she decided to call her “boyfriend”.

This should never have had to happen. Men, learn to accept the word “no” as a response. Learn to take responsibility for your actions. Our sons are watching you and they’re learning how to treat the women in their lives by example. Lead by a better one.

Ladies, if you have the Uber or Lyft app, and you need an exit strategy, use the messaging system within the app. You can make special requests that could possibly save your life.

UPDATE: Thank you for helping to get the word out. More people need to know that you can use the Uber and Lyft apps to covertly signal for help. Protect yourselves! Also, some nearby churches, like the Berean Baptist Church, are on standby if anyone needs a safety net.

People were pleased that he went out of his way to help a young woman in need – not many questions asked – and again that he made sure to point out that those features of the Uber app are there for people to take advantage of if they need to.

 

Image Credit: Facebook

Because this was scary AF!

Image Credit: Facebook

Everybody wants to give this guy a big hug.

Image Credit: Facebook

Because dealing with that creep was the stuff of legend.

Image Credit: Facebook

All thanks to Uber… well, and Lyft

Image Credit: Facebook

He deserves a big ol’ pat on the back for being a peak human that day (and hopefully every day).

If I’m ever in trouble, I hope there’s someone around just like him.

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People on Twitter Can’t Understand a Couple Who Claims They Don’t Have a “Side” of the Bed

What kind of monsters don’t have an assigned side of the bed with their partner?

The kind of monsters who are friends with journalist Jeff Stein…

In every couple, there is an unspoken agreement (and nightstand full of crap you rarely need) that sits next to the side of the bed that is “yours.” That’s just the way of things, and it’s the way it should be…except for this one couple who thinks they can just sleep willy-nilly on whichever side of the bed the feel like plopping onto on a given night.

Stein admitted that though it seemed like anarchy to him, maybe there was something to it.

Twitter was on my side, though, and basically thought those people should never speak of their strange bedroom practice again.

Because who would do this?!

It makes no sense!

Do you want chaos to reign in your bedroom?

What’s next? Cannibalism?

There really isn’t excuse for this…

They should be locked up…

Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme.

These are important questions, y’all, and idk maybe we need a follow-up interview or something.

Or maybe there are some things we just don’t want to know details on…

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This Little Girl Wasn’t Impressed by the Birthday Cake That Called Her a “Loser”

To be fair, it takes quite a bit to impress a toddler, so “unimpressed” is kind of their default. That said, you might have a shot with the right, well-executed cake on their birthday.

Which was pretty much the opposite of what mom Melin Jones ended up with when trying to get a cute cake for her daughter Liz’s 2nd birthday party.

Editing this with a little more information -Some of my family & friends know about the cake mess up we had with Liz’s…

Posted by Melin Jones on Sunday, June 30, 2019

Here’s the full text:

Some of my family & friends know about the cake mess up we had with Liz’s 2nd birthday cake but I recently posted it in a Facebook group I’m in (Sad Sales, Stolen Goods, and Sketchy Services )and had a lot of people ask me to post it to my public profile so they could share  it – so here’s the story !

September 7th, sometime in the afternoon I had went to Wal-Mart in Desloge to get things for Liz’s birthday party, which we were having that next day.

We hadn’t ordered a cake or anything days a head like one should /would normally so I swung by the bakery and picked out one that was already made, and asked the lady behind the counter if she would write “Happy Birthday Lizard.”

Lizard is our nickname for Liz. She said yes and within a few minutes she handed it back.

She didn’t ask me how it looked and I didn’t check .

Remember, I’m in a hurry here as it’s the day before her birthday party and I’m just now picking the cake out and getting everything else.

Little did I know life lessons were about to be had! We get home, I’m unloading the car and quickly glance down at the cake and noticed that the worker wrote Loser , not Lizard . At first I was a little shocked and speechless but quickly started dying laughing.

I hurried and carried the cake and Liz into the house, put the cake down on the table and put Liz in the chair to send a picture to my husband of the cake .

Liz wasn’t told to look at the cake, she can’t read so she didn’t know what the cake said, we didn’t tell her what it said and she doesn’t even know what a loser is. She just happen to be looking at the cake when I took the photo.

My husband and I laughed about it together when he got home, enjoyed every bit of the loser cake (eat up , mom of the year ! you deserve it !) and later that evening I made another trip to Wal-Mart for another cake for her party.

I never brought it to the bakery’s attention because had I took the time to just look at the cake when she handed it to me I would have never walked out the door with it and also , I didn’t want her to get into any type of trouble or be mocked by her coworkers for writing loser on a child’s birthday cake .

It was a simple misunderstanding and I didn’t want her to get any backlash from it .

This is a funny story , it’s ok to laugh . Lizard got a new cake, the idiot that couldn’t be bothered to take a few mins to stop and check it also got a cake.

I promise you my now almost 3 year old didn’t have a clue what happen. She’ll go on to live a somewhat normal life….. as long as someone else starts picking out her birthday cakes.

The good news is that Liz can’t read, so even though she looks un-enthused, she “wouldn’t know what a loser is,” her mom told the Mirror back in 2018.

Editing this with a little more information because some of the news stations have really butchered it & have false…

Posted by Melin Jones on Sunday, June 30, 2019

She also said that while the cake might have called their daughter a loser, the family was the winner.

Because the cake was delicious!

Posted by Melin Jones on Monday, July 1, 2019

“I ate every bit of that loser cake,” Melin told People magazine.

Proof that happy endings do exist, my friends!

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