A Brief History of Polari, Gay England’s Once-Secret Lingo

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You might spot a word or two of it in the odd bit of pop culture these days—a Todd Haynes movie, a Morrissey song—usually included as a fun if arcane historical reference. But for British gay men (and sometimes women) in the first half of the 20th century, Polari wasn’t just a cute jargon: It was a secret code, one that was absolutely necessary.

Being gay in Britain before about 50 years ago was dangerous business, and even being perceived as gay then could cost you a prison sentence (homosexuality was decriminalized in the UK in 1967). In fact, gay culture was discussed so rarely that newspapers would report on gay people who were arrested as being guilty of gross indecency,” since it was considered taboo to even write (or speak) the words “gay” or “homosexual.” Gay people therefore needed a way to communicate about their relationships (and gossip) without being understood by eavesdroppers. Polari came about as a form of insider argot, built from many different languages, shifting and changing as it evolved. As language professor Paul Baker of the UK’s Lancaster University writes in his 2002 book Polari—The Lost Language of Gay Men, it was a lingo of “fast put-downs, ironic self-parody and theatrical exaggeration.”

Although Polari saw the height of its popularity in the mid-20th century, its roots are much older. A similar argot called Parlyaree had been spoken in markets and fairgrounds at least as early as the 18th century, made up partly of Romany words with selections from thieves’ cant and backslang (words that are spelled and spoken phonemically backwards, such as yob for “boy” or ecaf for “face”). As this lingo grew popular, it picked up pieces of French, Yiddish, Italian, Shelta (spoken by Irish Travellers), London slang, and Cockney rhyming slang, among other tongues. This lexical potpourri was the word on the streets in England, used in fairgrounds as well as circuses, menageries, fish markets, and the British Merchant Navy, among other locales. A version of it was used by criminals and prostitutes, too.

Also incorporated into Polari, by way of the theater association, was the “broken Italian” used by street puppeteers who put on Punch and Judy shows. These colorful, and often violent, puppet productions have origins in 16th century commedia dell’arte theatre and were especially popular in British seaside towns. Examples of “Punch Talk” recorded in the 1850s include munjare (food), bivare (drink), and lente (bed). Even the name Polari is an Anglicization of an Italian word: parlare, “speak.” By other accounts, the roots of Polari are at least partially to be found in the lingua franca used by Mediterranean sailors and traders in the Middle Ages and beyond.

It’s difficult to say when exactly Polari began, but at some point performers—especially actors, and especially gay actors—began to use a distinct argot to communicate with each other, often for the purpose of gossiping. In addition to being useful for discussing intimate business, Polari could also be used as a shibboleth—if you fancied someone, you could drop a few words into a conversation to see if they picked up what you’d put down, and if not, no harm done. As such, the Polari glossary evolved to include a large number of racy terms, so that people could talk about hooking up without being picked up by the cops (there were lots of euphemisms for the cops, too). Trade is a gay sex partner. A cottage is a public bathroom used for sex. TBH stands for “to be had,” which described that a person was sexually available. A kerterver cartzo is a sexually transmitted infection. A dish is a butt, and other words for anatomy include cartes, lallies, pots, and packets.

Speaking of synonyms, an omi in Polari is a man, and a dona is a woman—but she can also be called a palone. An omi-palone, therefore, is an effeminate man, or sometimes just a gay one, while a palone-omi is a lesbian. Omi is sometimes spelled homie too, which might suggest that it’s the origin of the word homie in American urban slang, but it’s not—the American homie comes from “homeboy,” a friend from back home.

Polari isn’t easy to research. Because the lingo was ever-changing, there’s no definitive glossary, and there is a wide variety of spellings. Many glossaries of Polari exist, but they’re difficult to verify—and the words included can differ hugely from collection to collection. So anything written authoritatively on the subject should be taken with a grain of salt, including this article. Even the name of the jargon itself is sometimes styled as parlare, in its original Italian form, and you might also see it spelled as palare—as in Morrissey’s 1990 song “Piccadilly Palare”—or perhaps palari, parlary, or palarie.

To complicate things further, some say there were actually two separate mutations of Polari within London: the East End version, which involved more Cockney rhyming slang, and a simplified West End version. Although there was a decently sized overlap between the two, it’s been said that the East End dwellers, who were located near the shore and had exposure to dock workers and sometimes foreign languages, used such complicated lingo that they were able to confuse the West End speakers, whose version of Polari was associated with office workers and theater types.

It wasn’t until the 1960s that Polari started to become more widely known, thanks in large part to the BBC radio comedy program Round the Horne. Among other members of its cast, the show featured characters Julian and Sandy (played by Hugh Paddick and Kenneth Williams), Shakespearean actors whose speech was generously peppered with Polari words and phrases. Both Paddick and Williams were familiar with Polari in their real lives and sprinkled improvised phrases into the program on the fly. Round the Horne was unusual in that it was a program on a mainstream station with two main characters who were more or less out of the closet, in a time and place when it was illegal to be gay.

 

After several years on the air, many of Julian and Sandy’s slang terms had made their way into everyday speech in the United Kingdom, such as vada (to see or look) and bona (good). One term in particular, naff, seems to have stuck firmly in the nation’s minds—and mouths. Although various origins for the term have been given, some sources say it was originally a Polari term that initially may have meant “heterosexual,” and then “unavailable for sex,” which later became “uncool” or “boring.” (By other accounts, it may come from the Italian gnaffa, “a despicable person.”)

The perhaps-best-known Polarism, though, is a term you might not know was Polari in the first place. The word drag, referring to women’s clothing when worn by men, comes to you through Polari, possibly stemming from one of various Romany words for skirt, andraka or jendraka (which in turn come from Sanskrit). The use of the word drag was also popularized by Round the Horne. There’s another Polari word that survives in today’s parlance as well, with a fairly recent renaissance: Carson Kressley from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy likes to throw in a dash of Polari when he tells someone to zhoosh up his hair (to style or to tidy up).

By the 1970s, Polari began to fall out of use; some considered it degrading, as it was often used to gossip about sexual exploits. Being gay was also no longer criminal, so the need for a private slang dissipated. The decline of Polari was rapid: In his book, Baker writes that “many gay men under the age of thirty have never heard of it.”

Polari is tenacious, though, and it still shows up in mainstream pop culture here and there, such as in some of the lyrics to “Girl Loves Me” on David Bowie’s 2016 swansong album, Blackstar. The year prior, filmmaking duo Brian Fairbairn and Karl Eccleston wrote and directed Putting on the Dish, a short film wherein the characters converse entirely in Polari, and in 2012, the entire King James Bible was translated into Polari by computer scientist Tim Greening-Jackson as part of a Manchester, England-based project called Polari Mission (the project also included an app with a downloadable dictionary).

Although intentionally shrouded in mystery during most of its development, this colorful lingo has a salacious appeal that’s kept it from vanishing completely—at least if you know where to vada.

A partial glossary of Polari:

ajax = nearby or next to
batt = shoe
bijou = small
Billingsgate = foul language (named after a London fish market where profanity was often heard)
bona to vada = nice to see you
B-flat omi = fat man
camp
= excessive or showy or affecting mannerisms of the opposite sex
charper = to search (hence charpering omi = policeman)
dolly = nice or pleasant
cod = naff
, vile
dry martini
= left hand
feely = child, hence feely omi = a young man, usually an underaged man
fungus = old man
lally
= leg
lattie = room, house, flat
lattie on water = ship
lattie on wheels = taxi
ling grappling = sex
meese = plain, ugly
naff = awful, drab, uncool
nanti = not, no
orderly daughters = the police (one of many effeminate nicknames for the cops used in order to undermine their authority; others include Hilda Handcuffs and Betty Bracelets)
ogle = eye (hence ogle filters = sunglasses, ogleriah = eyelashes)
riah = hair
riah-zhoosher = hairdresser
sharda! = what a pity!
strillers = piano
stimpcovers = stockings
sweet martini = right hand
tober = road
tosheroon = half a crown/two shillings and sixpence
troll = walk, wander
vadavision =
television
vera
= gin
walloper = dancer

Numbers 1 through 10 in Polari: una, duey, trey, quater, chinker, sey, setter, otto, nobber, dacha


December 1, 2016 – 11:30am

10 Brilliant Gifts for the Curious Kid in Your Life

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Encourage someone’s boundless curiosity this holiday season. Here are 11 gifts designed for your niece who’s going through her “why” phase, your little cousin who dreams of being an astronomer, or your favorite young-at-heart amateur inventor. 

Mental Floss has affiliate relationships with certain retailers and may receive a small percentage of any sale. But we only get commission on items you buy and don’t return, so we’re only happy if you’re happy. Thanks for helping us pay the bills!

1. THE ALPHABET OF ANIMAL PROFESSIONS POSTER, $29

Help some little ones learn their ABCs through this cute, whimsical poster that imagines how animals might earn their living. Ducks are doctors, penguins are photographers, and zebras are zoologists. 

Find it: Pop Chart Lab

2. LAB TEST GAMES; $20

These four particle-inspired brainteasers can keep the whole family occupied over the holidays. Take the wooden puzzles apart and put them back together in the shape of an atom, a molecule, a particle, and a cell. Try not to peek at the solutions!

Find it: UncommonGoods

3. BIOLUMINESCENT DINO PET; $60

Satisfy someone’s need for thousands of pets by making them the caretaker of legions of dinoflaggelates, plankton that glow neon blue at night. The dinosaur-shaped tank will be a bright, low-maintenance addition to any family. 

Find it: UncommonGoods

4. LETTERS FOR KIDS;$6.50 PER MONTH OR $66 PER YEAR

Nothing’s more exciting than getting a letter in the mail—especially for kids who weren’t alive for the pre-email age. Every month, the literary website The Rumpus commissions young adult and middle-grade authors to write letters for kids 6 years and older. A monthly subscription gets your young bookworm two letters a month from authors like Lemony Snicket, the Newbery Medal-winning Susan Patron, and more. 

Find it: The Rumpus

5. EDIBLE CHEMISTRY SET; $18

If you give something to a child, chances are, it’s going to end up in their mouth. Why not just embrace it? This edible chemistry set teaches youngsters about reactions through safe-to-consume experiments involving carbonation, turning green jelly blue, and more. 

Find it: UncommonGoods

6. ROBOT TURTLES; $18

Robot Turtles is more than just a fun board game. The successful Kickstarter product is designed to teach children as young as 4 the basics of programming. Kids (and adults!) have to make silly noises to move their turtles around the game board in pursuit of jewels. 

Find it: Amazon

7. BUDDINGSTEM TRAIN DRESS, $39

This t-shirt dress from buddingSTEM—a company devoted to providing clothes for science-loving girls who don’t need another princess dress—is made for young transportation nerds and aspiring engineers. It’s perfect for masterminding model train routes and brainstorming locations for the family’s next travel adventure.

Find it: buddingSTEM

8. MUDWATT CLASSIC KIT, $58

MudWatt’s science kits turn dirt into a power plant. Each kit harnesses microbes growing naturally in soil to generate electricity. Just add dirt, and after a week, it can power a digital clock. In the process, kids learn about microbes, soil, and the science of electricity.

Find it: Amazon

9. LITTLEBITS GIZMOS AND GADGETS KIT; $200

Future inventors, tinkerers, and programmers will love these piecemeal building blocks. The kid-friendly circuit modules snap together to make tiny robots, with no previous programming knowledge required. The LittleBits kit comes with all the tools necessary to make 12 inventions, including a wireless doorbell and a spinning lamp, plus whatever else your favorite curious kid can come up with. 

Find it: Amazon  

10. DUNECRAFT CARNIVOROUS CREATURES SCIENCE KIT; $35

Young botanists and nature-lovers will delight in this terrarium grow kit for carnivorous plants. It comes with an LED light that’s powered by USB, so no need to worry about finding sunny window space. These insect-eating plants are sure to get any kid’s attention. 

Find it: Dune Craft


December 1, 2016 – 10:35am

Scientists Find Potential Diabetes Drug in Platypus Venom

Image credit: 
University of Adelaide

The future of diabetes medicine may be duck-billed and web-footed. Australian researchers have found a compound in platypus venom (yes, venom) that balances blood sugar. The team published their results in the journal Scientific Reports.

So, about that venom. The platypus (Ornithorhynchus anatinus) may look placid and, frankly, kind of goofy, but come mating season, the weaponry comes out. Male platypuses competing for female attention wrestle their opponents to the ground and kick-stab them with the venom-tipped, talon-like spurs on their back legs. It’s not a pretty sight. But it is an interesting one, especially to researchers.

Animal venoms are incredible compounds with remarkable properties—and many of them make excellent medicine. Many people with diabetes are already familiar with one of them; the drug exenatide was originally found in the spit of the venomous gila monster. Exenatide works by mimicking the behavior of an insulin-producing natural compound called Glucagon-like peptide 1 (GLP-1). The fact that the lizard has both venom and insulin-making genes is not a coincidence; many animal venoms, including the gila monster’s, induce low blood sugar in their prey in order to immobilize them.

It’s a good strategy with one flaw: GLP-1 and compounds like it break down and stop working very quickly, and people who have trouble making insulin really need their drug to keep working.

With this issue in mind, Australian researchers turned their attention to our duck-billed friends. They knew that platypuses, like people, made GLP-1 in their guts, and that platypuses, like gila monsters, make venom. The real question was how these two compounds interacted within a platypus’s body.

The researchers used chemical and genetic analysis to identify the chemical compounds in the guts and spurs of platypuses and in the guts of their cousins, the echidnas.

They found something entirely new: a tougher, more resilient GLP-1, one that breaks down differently—and more slowly—than the compounds in gila monster spit. The authors say this uber-compound is the result of a “tug of war” between GLP-1’s two uses in the gut and in venom.

“This is an amazing example of how millions of years of evolution can shape molecules and optimise their function,” co-lead author Frank Gutzner of the University of Adelaide said in a statement.

“These findings have the potential to inform diabetes treatment, one of our greatest health challenges, although exactly how we can convert this finding into a treatment will need to be the subject of future research.”


December 1, 2016 – 10:30am

8 Fascinating Facts About Richard Pryor

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Getty Images

Richard Pryor, who would have turned 76 years old today, is considered by many to be the greatest stand-up comedian of all time. Jerry Seinfeld referred to him as “the Picasso of our profession.” Chris Rock has called him comedy’s Rosa Parks. Yet the indelible mark Pryor made on the world of comedy only tells part of his story. 

Like his career in the spotlight, Pryor’s world offstage was also highly compelling and full of shocking turns. He’s one of those people whose real life was so off-the-wall at times that it becomes tough to separate fact from fiction. Here are just a few stories about the brilliant and chaotic life of the great Richard Pryor. 

1. HE HAD A TRAGIC CHILDHOOD.

Richard Pryor had a tragic early life, experiencing things that no child should have to endure: Born to a prostitute named Gertrude on December 1, 1940 in Peoria, Illinois, Pryor’s father was a notoriously violent pimp named LeRoy Pryor. For much of his childhood, Pryor was raised in the actual brothel where his mother worked, which was owned by his own no-nonsense grandmother, Marie Carter. With his mother periodically dropping out of his life for long stretches, it was Marie who served as Pryor’s central guardian and caretaker. 

In 2015, The New Yorker published an article to mark the 10th anniversary of Pryor’s passing, which offered further details on his turbulent early life, noting: 

Pryor said that one of the reasons he adored movies as a boy was that you were never in doubt as to why the women in them were screaming. As for the sounds that Richard heard in the middle of the night in his room on the top floor of one of Marie’s businesses, he had no idea what was happening to those girls. A number of times, he saw his mother, Gertrude, one of the women in Marie’s employ, nearly beaten to death by his father. Gertrude left when Richard was five. He later registered no resentment over this. “At least Gertrude didn’t flush me down the toilet,” he said. (This was not a joke. As a child, Pryor opened a shoebox and found a dead baby inside.)

2. HE WALKED AWAY FROM A SUCCESSFUL CAREER.

Early in his career Pryor found success by modeling his comedy largely on the work on Bill Cosby, which led to many comparisons being drawn between the two—a fact that Cosby reportedly grew to dislike. 

There are conflicting tales of just how Pryor made the 180-degree change in style that led to him becoming a comedic legend. One of the most well traveled tales, and one that Pryor himself confirmed on more than one occasion, states that Pryor was performing his clean-cut act in Las Vegas one night when he looked out into the audience and saw Dean Martin among the crowd. If you believe the story, seeing the legendarily cool Rat Packer’s face made Pryor question what exactly he was doing and caused him to abruptly leave the stage mid-performance. Around this time Pryor moved to the San Francisco Bay area, dropped out of the comedy limelight for several years, and later reemerged with the more pointed, in-your-face style that made him an icon. 

3. HE MADE LORNE MICHAELS QUIT SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.

Back in 1975, Saturday Night Live was brand new, so at the time the show’s creator, Lorne Michaels, wasn’t yet a powerful TV icon. Therefore, when Michaels stuck his neck out and demanded the right to have Pryor on as a guest host, he was really risking a lot. It took Michaels handing in a fake resignation to convince NBC executives to allow the famously foulmouthed comic to appear. Michaels himself had to implement a secret five-second delay for that night’s episode to be sure that any off-the-cuff, unscripted choice language didn’t make its way out over the airwaves. The delay was kept from Pryor who, upon later finding out, confirmed that he would have refused to do the show had he known about it 

The episode, the seventh one of SNL’s premiere season, contained one of the most memorable and edgy sketches ever to appear on the show: (the NSFW) Word Association. Chevy Chase and Pryor’s personal writer, Paul Mooney, have each claimed to have written the sketch. 

4. HE LOST THE STARRING ROLE IN BLAZING SADDLES.

Pryor and Gene Wilder made four films together (Silver Streak; Stir Crazy; See No Evil, Hear No Evil; and Another You), but there could have been at least one more. Pryor was one of the credited writers on Mel Brooks’s classic Blazing Saddles and the plan for a time was that he would also co-star in the film, playing Sheriff Bart alongside Wilder as the Waco Kid. In the clip above, Wilder explained how Pryor’s legendary drug use caused him to end up in a remote city and subsequently lose the starring role to Cleavon Little.

5. IT WASN’T A DRUG MISHAP THAT CAUSED PRYOR TO SET HIMSELF ON FIRE.

One of the most retold stories about Pryor centers around the incident on June 9, 1980 where he set himself on fire and took off running down a Los Angeles street fully engulfed in flames. Though he wasn’t expected to survive the episode, he eventually pulled through and spent the next six weeks recuperating in the hospital. At the time it was often reported that the cause of the accident was Pryor freebasing cocaine. Pryor later admitted that in a drug-fueled psychosis he had actually attempted to kill himself by dousing his body in 151-proof rum and setting himself ablaze. A friend of Pryor’s at the time has gone on record as saying that the idea for the act likely came about that evening after the two of them watched footage of Thích Quảng Đức, the Vietnamese monk who famously burned himself to death in 1963 as an act of protest. 

6. HE WAS A FREQUENT GROOM.

Pryor was married seven times to five different women. In the 2013 documentary Omit the Logic, a friend of Pryor’s—who served as the best man at one of his weddings—recounts how Pryor showed up at his hotel room door just a few hours after marrying Jennifer Lee, insisting that he already wanted a divorce. Pryor would get divorced from Lee the next year, only to remarry her 19 years later; the two were still together when Pryor passed away in 2005. 

7. HE HAD A SOFT SPOT FOR ANIMALS.

In 1986 Pryor was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, a central nervous system disease that ultimately left him confined to a wheelchair. Pryor was such an avid supporter of animal rights, however, that he actively spoke out against animal testing of any kind—even when that testing meant getting closer to a cure for his own condition. The biography on RichardPryor.com provides more insight into this part of his private life:

He’s been honored by PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, for saving baby elephants in Botswana targeted for circuses. In 2000, as the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus was preparing to open at Madison Square Garden, Pryor gave the Big Top’s first African-American ringmaster, Jonathan Lee Iverson, something to think about when he wrote him a letter in which he stated: “While I am hardly one to complain about a young African American making an honest living, I urge you to ask yourself just how honorable it is to preside over the abuse and suffering of animals.” 

8. DESPITE HIS DETERIORATING HEALTH, HE NEVER STOPPED PERFORMING.

Even while MS continued to rob him of his mobility, Pryor’s comedic mind continued cranking. Throughout the early 1990s Pryor would often show up at Los Angeles’s famous standup club The Comedy Store to take to the stage in his wheelchair. In the above clip from The Joe Rogan Experience, a few comics discuss what it was like to watch the all-time great perform in his diminished state.


December 1, 2016 – 10:00am

Get Deliciously Crafty With a Cheese-Filled Hot Glue Gun

filed under: Food, fun

If you don’t already have a cheese advent calendar on display in your home, might we suggest another dairy-centric way to celebrate the season: Building a savory gingerbread house with a hot glue gun filled with cheese.

This BuzzFeed-licensed cheese extruder, dubbed the “Fondoodler,” is simple to use. Start by loading it up with your favorite cheese (meltable products like American, Jack, and cheddar are all great options), then give it time to heat up. Pull the trigger to begin sketching the cheesy goo on the canvas of your choice. Fondoodler provides some appealing suggestions like nachos and fancy crackers. It can even be used to write messages, build tortilla bowls, and construct edible abodes. When you’re done, push the brush through the canister to ensure the tool is clean and ready to use at your next cheese party.

The first two batches of the product sold out quickly, but Fondoodler promises to have new orders shipped out by the first week in January at the latest. You can purchase a cheese gun of your own today for $25.

All images courtesy of Fondoodler.


December 1, 2016 – 9:00am

The Stories Behind 12 Outrageous Neiman Marcus Holiday Gifts

filed under: Lists, shopping
Image credit: 
Neiman Marcus

Since 1955, Dallas-based retailer Neiman Marcus has placed an increasingly outlandish series of “fantasy” gift items in the pages of its Christmas Book catalog, which is mailed to more than 750,000 homes[PDF] and results in priceless press coverage. The latter is the reason why you’ll see a $35 million Boeing jet offered alongside a $35 bartending set.

“[Co-founder] Stanley Marcus called them ‘stunt pages,’” Ginger Reeder, Vice President of Corporate Communications and the catalog’s longtime curator, tells mental_floss. “He understood that the gifts meant he wouldn’t have to spend quite so much on advertising.”

Despite the “fantasy” and “stunt” labels, all the gifts in the Book are real and ready to ship to legitimate buyers, and roughly half of them get sold each year. Reeder, who has overseen the catalog for 20 years and sifts through more than 200 proposals annually, was kind enough to walk us through some of the company’s more notable offerings—including the time they inadvertently delivered a dead body.

1. A BLACK ANGUS STEER WITH SILVER SERVING CART (1959) // $1925

Although the Marcus brothers had placed a strange gift in a 1955 catalog—a real tiger covered in expensive jewelry priced at $1 million—it was their response to journalist Edward R. Murrow in 1959 that confirmed the company’s devotion to the outrageous. After Murrow phoned to ask if there would be anything of interest that year for his radio listeners, the brothers came up with the idea of offering a Black Angus bull with a silver serving set. “It was a sort of, ‘What are those crazy Texans doing?’ approach,” Reeder says. “You could get it on the hoof or in steaks.”

2. HIS AND HERS CAMELS (1967) // $4125

For a time, Neiman Marcus was in the zoological business, offering a variety of ostriches, baby elephants, and other exotic animals to consumers who were apparently bored of domesticated pets. “We sold one camel to a woman in Ft. Worth,” Reeder says. “She had bought it for her mother. As the story goes, they were watching television and a story about the sale came on. Her mother said, ‘I wonder who that’s for. It’s so stupid.’ And the camel was right outside her door.” At last report, the camel was said to be easily annoyed and spat constantly.

3. AUTHENTIC MUMMY CASES (1971) // $6000

Reeder says one of the Marcus brothers discovered two authentic mummy cases while traveling in England and had them shipped to one of their first stores outside of Texas in Bal Harbour, Florida. He didn’t bother to ever look inside. “Someone on the receiving dock was curious and opened the crate up and found an actual mummy,” Reeder says. “He called Mr. Marcus up and asked what to do. He said, ‘Well, we probably broke international laws by importing a dead body. I guess we’ll need a death certificate.’”

The cases and the lone occupant were bought by a museum in San Jose, a transaction that may have spelled the end for morbid gift items. “We’ve had offers to sell his and hers caskets and a working guillotine,” Reeder says. “They’re not exactly in the Christmas spirit.”

4. A FULL-SCALE STAR WARS X-WING FIGHTER (1996) // $35,000

Getty

Prior to the 20th anniversary re-releases of the original Star Wars films, Neiman Marcus offered a scale replica of Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing Starfighter. It was purchased by a fan in Virginia who put it in his back yard. “I remember the first thing I had to do was send a film crew to videotape it being installed,” Reeder says. “In case he ever moved, he wanted to know how it was pieced together.”

5. 90 FIRST EDITION NOVELS (1997) // $185,000

Getty

For Reeder’s first official year on the job, she worked with Bauman Books and a librarian to curate 90 first editions of influential novels, including The Great Gatsby and The Catcher in the Rye, many signed by their author. “Coming up with the list took six months,” she says. While the entire set never sold, Neiman Marcus got more than 600 calls asking for the titles of all the books on the list.

6. A “LORDSHIP” TITLE (2001) // $120,000

Couples who invested in Neiman Marcus’s “time travel” package—wearing period costumes and engaging in historic reenactments—would also be afforded the opportunity to be bestowed the title of “Lordship,” a fully legitimate crowning. “A gentleman got in touch with us who had the connections to be able to do that,” Reeder says. “It would then be passed on to that person’s oldest son.” But, she says, “No one bought that.”

7. A BELL 430 HELICOPTER (2001) // $6.7 million

That same year, Neiman Marcus scored one of their biggest headlines ever when they offered a Bell 430 helicopter with a company logo woven into the carpeting. “We’re not actually licensed to sell cars or helicopters, so we deal directly with a vendor,” Reeder says. It remains the priciest fantasy gift item to ever find a buyer.

8. A MERMAID SUIT WITH MERMAID TRAINING (2003) // $10,000

iStock

Reeder got the idea for a custom swimsuit and mermaid tail swim training while reading a newspaper article about Thom Shouse, the man who designed Darryl Hannah’s costume for 1984’s mermaid comedy Splash. “I think every little girl grows up wanting to be a mermaid,” she says. “I proposed it at least three times, but no one ever liked the idea. Then something else dropped out of the Book. We were planning a water shoot, so I called [Shouse] and asked if he could get me a mermaid tail right away.”

9. A CUSTOM SUIT OF ARMOR (2004) // $20,000

iStock

Men and women alike were afforded an opportunity to be measured for a custom-fit suit of armor faithful to the steel tailoring standards of the 15th century. Reeder says one was sold to a Connecticut couple for their adult son.

10. A #2 PENCIL SCULPTURE (2006) // $40,000

Artists Michael Galbreth and Jack Massing erected this 7-foot-tall sculpture using #2 pencils. “I knew the Art Guys, who made the sculpture, from Houston and had always wanted to offer a piece by them,” Reeder says.

11. A TRITON 1000 SUBMARINE (2007) // $1.44 MILLION

iStock

The modestly-priced Triton was the latest in a succession of nautical offerings by the catalog. In 2000, Reeder had placed a more elaborate submarine listing and subsequently received a series of prank calls. “People asking if we had it in yellow, stuff like that,” she says. Then an employee told her she had a call from someone with the New York Terrorism Task Force. “He asked if there was a privately-owned sub that he needed to be aware of. I told him it didn’t sell and that I thought it was a joke when my operator told me there was a sergeant on the line. He said, ‘When someone told me you were selling a submarine out of a catalog, I thought that was a joke, too.’”

12. A SWANKY CHICKEN COOP (2012) // $100,000

Described by the company as a “bespoke, Versailles-inspired Le Peit Trianon” building, this ornate hen house promised nirvana for its chicken occupants. “We actually advanced funds to the vendor so she could build one for the photo shoot,” Reeder says. “It never sold, but we got publicity on the Today show for it.” The coop featured a nesting area, a farming book library, and a chandelier. Why a chandelier? “You’d have to ask the designer,” Reeder says. “I don’t know.”

All images courtesy of Neiman Marcus unless otherwise credited.


December 1, 2016 – 8:00am

Edgar Allan Poe wrote a novel in which a group…

Edgar Allan Poe wrote a novel in which a group of shipwrecked survivors draw lots in which the loser will be eaten, the boy who lost was named Richard Parker. 50 years later an English ship sank and the survivors drew lots, the losers name was Richard Parker. 10

The term “groggy” comes from either the British…

The term “groggy” comes from either the British or American Navy. These sailors drank Grog, which was a mix of rum, water, and citrus juice, which was used to fight scurvy. Someone who is dazed or sleepy might feel as if they have had too much grog, making them “groggy.” 10