These tweets are decidedly NOT hot.
Why does everyone have to be so serious about sex? Have a laugh about it once in a while!
Like these folks did!
1. Wait, not like that
[during sex]
Me: hurt me
Him: your metabolism isn’t what it was in high school and it shows
Me: wait
Him: you never lived up to your potential because you rely on talent instead of work ethic & immediately abandon everything you’re bad at because you’re afraid of failure
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) June 19, 2019
2. It’s true
pee after sex or you will get a tgi friday’s
— coolbutpoorguy (@coolbutpoorguy) July 18, 2018
3. Splendid
british people be having sex like:
mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving
— butters (@yung_butters) July 8, 2019
4. Shook
i’m tryna have sex so rough that the earthquake is shook
— Tana Paul (@tanamongeau) July 6, 2019
5. Seriously
How parents go from “Sex is bad” to “I want grandkids”?
— Taé Smoove (@DelanteCherry) December 25, 2018
6. Don’t mess this up
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing
— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) December 26, 2013
7. WTF
This girl told me she liked to be teased in the bedroom so we laid down and I said her new glasses looked stupid and she starts crying. wtf?
— Thor Olsen (@superduperkewl) September 15, 2011
8. Think that’s what happened?
jake gyllenhaal is so weird i feel like the actual reason he and taylor broke up is because he barked during sex
— char (@deIicatekloss) July 6, 2019
9. That’s a good one
My favorite sex position is when someone makes a playlist for me
— fake nerd (@SolivanMatthew) July 3, 2019
10. Why not?
This Father's Day, make sure you hook up with an older man who has the same name as your actual father.
— Hugh! McIntyre (@PopBangHugh) June 16, 2019
11. Hey o!
when vegans have sex they ask to be artichoked. i will not be reading any replies to this tweet.
— viking (@notviking) July 5, 2018
12. Which one was it?
i was having sex once and the girl said “cum for me” and i thought she said “comfort me” so i stopped n i hugged her
— seabass (@jedifeminist) January 14, 2018
13. Not gonna happen
Girls be tryna have sex for hours… first of all sweetheart, I have asthma
— juju. (@fatherjstn) September 28, 2017
14. That’s a dealbreaker
sex is intimate and sacred. your body is a temple and you shouldn't share it with anyone who hates rick & morty
— han lane (@hxnlxne) August 7, 2017
15. Practice makes perfect
[undoes GFs bra first time]
"wow have you been practicing?"
don't be ridiculous
[me and dog exchange glances]— k e i t h
(@KeetPotato) May 17, 2015
Funny stuff!
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