Twitter is great for a whole lotta random laughs.
You scroll through the feed, you have a few chuckles, and then you get back to your regularly scheduled day.
It’s a nice way to take a break!
So let’s all do that together right now. 3…2…1…GO.
1. That is pretty accurate.
nobody:
Italic letters: pic.twitter.com/2C0B3d6VtO
— guy who likes jokes (@jacksxnenstrom) February 4, 2019
2. A real cut-up.
the funniest thing i’ve ever said was on april 11th 2009 to my dad’s cat and no one else was around to hear it. a car horn honked and he hopped off my bed and ran downstairs and i said “oh shit is your ride here” and laughed alone to myself for like five minutes straight
—
??? ???
3. The horror!
me: i’m being haunted by the movie grease
therapist: tell me more
me: *screams*
— elvish presley (@_elvishpresley_) September 24, 2019
4. You’re making the right choice.
If I could have dinner with anybody living or dead I'd pick the dead guy. Then I'd order two dinners and eat both. Fuck that guy. He's dead
— beth, a left leaning feed (@bourgeoisalien) August 31, 2016
5. Sorry, not gonna happen.
Me: Last name Ever, First name Greatest
Starbucks barista: I’m not writing that.— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 11, 2018
6. You’re surprised?
My annoying ass being annoying then getting shocked when someone actually gets annoyed. pic.twitter.com/jxwKpcTdXC
— Ben Hall (@MrBenLHall) February 12, 2019
7. The sequel!
Derek: You wanna go out again some time?
Stephanie: Sure, name the date!
Derek: Ok, how about 'Derek & Stephanie 2'
— Marf (@MarfSalvador) February 15, 2017
8. Hahahaha. Not bad.
priest: it be like that sometimes
congregation: and sometimes like that it be
— madison!!! (@madisonfrench_) November 5, 2018
9. This one took me a minute…
ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery— FroVo (@fro_vo) January 6, 2018
10. They always get screwed over in car chase scenes.
Date: I love car chase action scenes
Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we're done here
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) June 26, 2018
11. I hear you on this one.
Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza & sunglasses.
— blake (@Leemanish) March 24, 2013
12. A history buff.
Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 25, 2013
13. What’s updog?
"Do you have Coke"
No, is Pepsi okay
"Do you have updog"
What's updog
"Haha not much and no Pepsi is absolutely not okay"— BeardSpice (@BeardSpice) September 30, 2014
14. Not down with the lingo yet.
[first day as a bartender]
Customer: I'll have a martini, dry
Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this— Kyle
(@KylePlantEmoji) May 23, 2018
15. What a hedge…oh wait…
Me: can I have a turn in the hedge now
Hedgehog: no
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) July 1, 2019
Are you laughing?
I know I’m laughing!
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