Most people use Twitter to make jokes or keep up with the news, but when lovelyjessij asked Twitter users to share their deep, dark, family secrets, people really jumped on the thread.

And when I say jumped, I mean in an all-out, honest, really disturbing way.

I can’t wait until some movie or television producer finds this thread and starts making offers because, dang, I need more details than 140 characters (or however many we get now) can provide.

Since she knew most people would be more apt to share anonymously, she encouraged DMs (private messages), which is where the responses came from.

#12. While Grandpa was away…

#11. There has never been a more appropriate use of the vomit emoji.

#10. This was common back in the day, or so I understand. Still…

#9. Detestable.

#8. When literally no one cares.

#7. It can be hard to learn where you come from.

#6. Wow.

#5. Freaking yikes.

#4. Family kidnapping?

#3. I mean, not illegal but still totally weird.

#2. When you find out your parents had rules for a horrible reason.

#1. I wonder what he did though…

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