No matter how much the world glorifies sex, it’s important to remember that there’s no harm in waiting.
AskReddit users who also happen to to be 40-year-old virgins shared their personal stories.
1. Buddy
“There is a guy named Buddy who works at a BP down the road from me, he’s got to be 40 and one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met on this planet, just about all my friends and I will go out of our way for this gas station because we love him so much. One day we got to talking and he told me that he has never had sex, had a girlfriend or eaten meat in his entire life (Pretty clearly religious reasons but I didn’t ask). Still the dude radiates positivity and genuinely cares about every single person he meets, just goes to show that having sex and finding a lover isn’t essential to living a wonderful life.
Also his name is Buddy and he calls everyone he knows buddy so that’s cool.”
2. Unable
“I know one guy who has a micro penis and is physically unable to have sex. Shame too because he’s decently good looking and funny, makes out with a lot of girls, is 6’3 etc. Completely normal.
Only know he’s a virgin due to him admitting it to me when he was drunk. He’s late 30s.”
3. Sad
“I know a someone who has never even kissed a girl. Crippling social anxiety. Also hung up on a girl from 15 years ago who has never been interested. I saw a pretty tipsy girl come onto him at a bar once and he almost jumped out of his skin. He was noooot having that crap.”
4. Social stigma
“42 here. I thought I had a date once, it wasn’t.
It sort of falls into three time periods. Age 17-25: I asked some girls/women out. They all just plain out said no(except for the one). The last few years of the period, I stupidly started to ask why and “because you’re you” was the top answer. Until the one went on in more detail and made me realized what “because you’re you” meant and I gave up. I threw myself in to my studies, researched anything that interested me, and just read A LOT about a lot.
age 25-32: I just didn’t try. Continued my self-studies. Sure there were women I would loved to ask out (there was even one I did, quite to my own surprise, of course she said no and then some) but I was “still me” and they would have said no. I had a demanding/abusive job from age 28 to 30 that took everything from me. I joined a gym at 30.
Age 32-now: I lost 97 lbs between age 30 and 32. Took up yoga and running. I think I noticed women noticing me but I had convinced myself women don’t find me attractive, so I had to be imagining things. My work out routine has lessened since then and I have gained back some weight but thankfully more muscle than fat.
I learned in my late 20s that I have a personality type that makes me hard to get to know which means dating is particularly difficult. It was at this time I thought I was a high-functioning autist. I do have many (but not all) traits of one. I’ve never been good at social stuff so I have huge disadvantage in the sociality needed for dating. In the last 5 years or so, I began to wonder if I have social anxiety disorder instead of or maybe in addition to autism. And in all this time I’ve worked overnights which adds another difficulty in dating. I get the idea that I’m the better-than-nothing guy but I don’t want to be the last option for someone. I’d rather like a woman who wants to be with me and not has to be with someone. I also don’t think it would be fair to burden a woman with my “quirks and foibles” that I’ve gotten over the years. Also, the social stigma of being over 40 and never even having a date seems like a obstacle in itself.”
5. A happy ending
“I lost my virginity at age 40. I had opportunities but just didn’t realize them at the time. Girls would come flirt with me but I would just freeze and my mind would go blank. I am very shy and quiet. I sometimes think I am autistic but have never been diagnosed or tried to get diagnosed. I always though something was wrong with me and I knew I wasn’t ‘normal’. I also didn’t drink a lot or party.
I invited a co-worker over to watch a movie one night and she is also very quiet and shy. I let her take the lead and let it happen. That was 2 years ago and we are engaged now.”
6. Abstinence
“I was raised in a religious household so I was taught to wait until marriage. I had many boyfriends but I didn’t sleep with them because of my vow of abstinence. I wore my promise ring until I was married at age 30. I married my best friend and soulmate. He told me he had performance problems, but he had also never had a girlfriend and I naively thought that once we were together and naked, things would work out.
Turns out I was wrong, he was completely impotent. I decided that I married him because I loved him and not for sex so it was fine. We started talking to doctors to see if it could be fixed but then he suffered a terrible brain injury. Now my husband is a paraplegic with many health problems. Weird thing is, after the brain injury he started getting erections. Normally this would be something to celebrate but he’s in so much pain due to the paralysis that I can’t exactly get on top of him. So here I am, a woman in her late 30s, a married virgin, taking care of her paraplegic husband, and I don’t know what the future holds.”
7. Too focused
“I actually work with one he’s like 45ish? maybe closing in on 50. He’s a strange guy works too much and way to hard saves all his money is generally stingy. but kinda social i know he wants it but he’s too focused on work to actually make it happen.”
8. Unapproachable
“Some of us are just ugly in both looks and personality. No sob story or long-winded explanation needed. Years of intense social rejection and depression don’t help, but they aren’t the primary cause. Some people are just inherently unapproachable.”
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