A man in Arizona stole a diamond worth 160,000$ and traded it for 20$ worth of weed.
A man in Arizona…
Shakuntala Devi, also known…
Shakuntala Devi, also known as the human computer, gave the 23rd root of a 201 digit number in 50 seconds. The answer(546,372,891) was verified at the US Bureau of Standards by the UNIVAC 1101 computer, for which a special program had to be written to perform such a large calculation.
Jules Verne’s shelved 1863 novel…
Jules Verne’s shelved 1863 novel “Paris in the Twentieth Century” predicted gas-powered cars, fax machines, electric street lighting, maglev trains, the record industry, the internet. His publisher deemed it pessimistic and lackluster. It was discovered in 1989 and published 5 years later.
15+ of the Most Savage Moms Ever
One of the better perks of being a parent is that your kids eventually get old enough to understand sarcasm, allowing you to unleash your inner smartass upon them with little to no mercy.
If that sounds like something you’ll definitely be looking forward to (or putting into practice as soon as possible) then you’re going to want to take notes from these 17 moms – because they are not pulling any punches just because the target of their sass came out of their nethers.
#1. Fair.
Image Credit: Twitter
#2. That wouldn’t be exactly the same movie.
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#3. Definitely a boy mom.
Image Credit: Twitter
#4. This woman is goals.
Image Credit: Twitter
#5. It’s good to know where you rank.
Image Credit: Twitter
#6. So sweet when your mom is thinking about you.
Image Credit: Twitter
#7. Daaannnnngggg.
Image Credit: Reddit
#8. Legit hilarious.
Image Credit: Twitter
#9. Definitely putting this one in the bank.
Image Credit: Twitter
#10. Mom is always getting the last laugh.
Image Credit: Twitter
#11. You should definitely think twice before bringing a girl home.
Image Credit: Twitter
#12. There’s no comeback for that.
Image Credit: Twitter
#13. I would so do this.
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#14. Baller.
Image Credit: Twitter
#15. I mean it’s something to consider.
Image Credit: Reddit
#16. Hey, ask an honest question, get an honest answer.
Image Credit: Twitter
#17. She’s just trying to be helpful, I’m sure.
Image Credit: Twitter
I’m going to go hug my mom, now. You should, too!
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13+ People Confess How They Crossed a Line They Swore They Never Would
“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”
Even a lovelorn Meatloaf knew that you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere. We all have certain things we swear we’ll never ever do, but sometimes life gets in the way of best-laid plans and you end up breaking that promise to yourself. Maybe it’s not that big a deal (like not following through on the “No Girls Allowed” policy for your bedroom), or maybe it’s something life-altering like falling victim to substance abuse.
It can be hard to admit when you’ve gone to your own personal dark side, but that’s just what these 15 people are about to confess…
#1. Just like you’d expect.
“Taking back a cheater. Turned out just like you’d expect.”
#2. I was naive!
“Thought I’d never have sex before marriage. I WAS NAIVE.”
#3. There you go.
“The Maginot Line
I was a poor kid from the States and thought I could never afford to be one of those fancy pants who backpacked Europe for the summer but hey, there you go.”
#4. I’d never do that.
“I remember being a teenager, looking at all my friends going out drinking and doing drugs and thinking that I’d NEVER do that.
Welp.”
#5. Funny how that works.
“I never thought I would start smoking. It’s funny how it works. A drunken drag off a friend’s turns into a bummed smoke which turns into buying your own and then waking up coughing and realizing you’ve been smoking for X years.
Luckily I’ve been off of them for 8 months now, and quitting sucked so badly that I never want to start again. But then again, I never thought I would start in the first place.”
#6. Every parent.
“One that pretty much every parent does at some point in their life.
When I was 12, I was all like “I’m never gonna be THAT parent that stops my kid from doing what I wanted to do right now but Dad said No.”
Now, I’m like all “Now listen here you little shit.”
(Not really. I use “brat”. But I think “shit”.)”
#7. Shooting up.
“Shooting up. Been an addict since 15 years old but i had never shot, then i did and loved the shit out of it. 3 ODs, scars on my arm for life. Just made it to 6 months off the needle on aug 7th.”
#8. What I know I need to do.
“200 lbs. Then 250. Now I’m staring down 300, telling myself I can’t go there, but it’s so hard to do what I know I need to.”
#9. Two of those things.
“I always told myself I’d never ride a motorcycle. “They’re fast, you dont have self control, you’ll kill myself.” Turns out I was right about two of those things.”
#10. Cardboard crack.
“Buying Magic the Gathering singles. It’s cardboard crack, it really is.”
#11. Weird fetishes.
“Probably my weird fetishes relative to sex. My partner just so happened to have the very same so here we are wearing latex suits and calling each other names.
Edit: A lot of these responses have been pretty hilarious and genuinely “heartwarming”. Thanks guys.”
#12. For obvious reasons.
“Always said I would keep my work life and personal life separate for obvious reasons. Dated a co-worker.”
#13. Not overly different.
“Having sex with a girl on her period. Always thought it was very wrong. Turned out to be not overly different.”
#14. After college.
“I never thought I’d live with a family member after college.
But then I started thinking more about expenses. Long story short, I can deal with annoying family debacles if I’m saving over 12 grand a year from rent.”
#15. The most shameful thing I’ve done.
“I was blacked out drunk and drove home. I don’t remember when I left, which route I took, or where I parked my car. I thought I took a cab home until I went to get my mail and saw my car parked outside.
It’s one of the most shameful things I’ve done. I was young and dumb, and it shook me to my core. I didn’t realize how easily someone could make that decision and am forever thankful no one was injured. It’s a line that should never be crossed and I swore up and down I wouldn’t ever. After that night, I either plan ahead or take a cab. Especially with Lyft and Uber being so prevalent these days, there’s just no excuse.”
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Science Weighs In on When It’s Okay to Grab a Midnight Snack, and When to Say No
If you’re trying to eat healthy, or maybe lose a few pounds, one of the most common things people will tell you is to stop snacking after a certain time – usually after dinner. That means those late night munchies are a strict no-no. But is it really true that we can never give in to those midnight cravings?
First of all, let’s dispel the myth that food eaten after a certain hour always turns into fat, like the your stomach knows how to read a clock. You gain weight when more calories go in your body than go out, full stop. And yet, the participants in multiple experiments have proven that people who tend to eat late at night do tend to gain more weight and keep it on.
So what’s up with that?
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Well, a recent group of studies out of Northwestern University seems to indicate that being a night owl has more to do with nighttime eating and its negative effects – night owls are just more likely to eat late. It’s like this: the people for whom the halfway mark of a normal night’s sleep was between 1am and 5:30am (ie. people with earlier bedtimes) tended to have only a meal after work and nothing before bed, while the people for whom the halfway point of their normal night’s sleep was after 5:30 (ie. night owls) were more likely to have another snack before crawling under the sheets. The second group also often got less sleep than the first.
The studies also noted that people tend to make poorer choices when they’re tired or interested in a television series at the end of the day – we reach for easy things like takeout, chips, or pizzas instead of making the trip or stop at the grocery for proteins and vegetables.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
That said, if you are someone who has the luxury of staying up late and sleeping in, there’s no reason you can’t eat if you’re hungry, even after dinner.
Here are some simple tips to keep yourself satisfied, sleeping well, and at your desired weight.
#1. Watch your calories.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Try keeping a log of the calories you eat all day long, and if it’s not too many, it’s fine to have a snack – just try to choose something on the healthier side, and do your best to eat 2 or 3 hours before you plan to go to bed. Otherwise, your digestion could disrupt your sleep and lead to more issues the following day.
#2. Choose your snacks wisely.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Not only is it important to choose something low in calories if your day is almost done, but choosing something that can help promote sleep – dairy, fish, turkey, bananas, kiwi, cherries, almonds, and honey are all options that offer melatonin and serotonin that can help you snooze through the night.
#3. Do some self-evaluation.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
If you do find yourself wanting to indulge late at night more often than not, you might be looking at some kind of compulsion – overeating can be linked to emotional issues. Check on yourself, and determine whether your desire to eat at night could be feelings-related.
So, it’s not a bad thing to give into your hunger later at night, especially if you’re a night owl. You just need to remember that what we eat and when does affect our ability to get good sleep and keep ourselves on an even keel. Don’t force yourself to go hungry, just be conscious of the choices you’re making and do you!
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No, You Really Don’t Need to Let Your Smartphone Die Before Charging It
Is there anything quite as anxiety-inducing as seeing the little “1% icon on the battery bar of your cell phone? Every time I see my battery icon going red, I go racing for the charger because yes, I am addicted to my phone and it needs to never die, thankyouverymuch.
Some people are not like me, apparently, and believe that you shouldn’t charge your battery before using up a full 100% of the previous charge. But according to science and Apple and, well, just about everyone, that’s not necessary.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Here’s why.
What people are concerned about is helping their device’s lithium ion battery last as long as possible, but the battery itself doesn’t care whether your status bar says 10% or 80% – plugging it in at any point in the charge isn’t going to degrade it faster.
From Apple’s website:
“Charge your Apple lithium-ion battery whenever you want. There’s no need to let it discharge 100% before recharging. Apple lithium-ion batteries work in charge cycles. You complete one charge cycle when you’ve used (discharged) an amount that equals 100% of your battery’s capacity — but not necessarily all from one charge. For instance, you might use 75% of your battery’s capacity one day, then recharge it fully overnight. If you use 25% the next day, you will have discharged a total of 100%, and the two days will add up to one charge cycle.”
Another battery-protecting practice is to not leave your phone plugged in overnight because constantly charging a full battery – aka trickle charging – is hard on it in the long run.
Is this one true? Maybe more than the first.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
From Samsung’s website:
“Technically you should not be charging your phone for extended spans of time so overnight phone-charging is a big no. Though most chargers are designed to curb charging once your phone is full, you should avoid charging it to 100 percent and then leaving it connected to a charger. Overall, and for optimal long-term results, you should keep your phone charged between 40 and 80 percent at all times.”
And here’s what USAToday has to say about it:
“Chronically letting a battery go all the way down to zero puts unneeded stress on the materials inside. Believe it or not, the same goes for letting it sit on your charger overnight, because being continually juiced up quickly — and to the max also leads lithium-ion batteries to corrode faster than they otherwise would.”
And PCMag.com:
“Plug the phone in when you go to sleep; if you wake up sometime in the night, unplug it to prevent constant trickle-charging. If you don’t wake much, plug your phone into a outlet that you put on a schedule so it turns off.”
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Apple admits that the capacity of your lithium-ion battery “diminishes slightly with each complete charge cycle,” so letting the battery run all the way down probably does more harm than good. So, stop doing that. And if you think about it, stop letting it charge all night, too.
But you know. Prepare yourself for still having to buy a new phone (or battery) every couple of years. It’s inevitable no matter what.
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10+ Foodies Talk About the WORST Meals They’ve Ever Had
Are you a foodie? I don’t love the term -because I think just about everyone is a foodie to an extent in that everyone loves a great plate of food – but I am definitely someone who goes out of their way to find a great place to eat. Sadly, when the food doesn’t come out the way you’d expect it to, it can be a massive disappointment.
I’m not sure I could have handed any of these experiences, tbh. You?
#1. It used to be great.
“Paid $9 for a tiny burrito that contained a spoonful of rice, two pieces of fried tofu, about a teaspoon of pico and about three shreds of Monterey jack. It was soaked in a sauce that was so spicy I felt it for hours afterwards, and then all over again when it passed through. Absolutely disgusting. I was with a group who insisted that the food would be absolutely delicious. Talked to a relative who knows the area and she said that the restaurant used to be great but had gotten to be terrible within the last year.”
#2. Noped out.
“My aunt made some Hamburger Helper and fucked it up. I will never understand how you can mess up Hamburger Helper. Even my two year old cousin noped out of eating it.”
#3. I tasted tacos for the next two days.
“My husband made tacos. He misread the seasoning instructions and put in 3/4 cup instead of 3 tablespoons. I remember thinking that the mixture looked a lot darker than normal before I took a bite. I seriously tasted tacos for the next two days. He’s not allowed to make tacos anymore without supervision.”
#4. I hate milk.
“Mom made me drink some milk right after I’d eaten a grapefruit and the milk curdled in my mouth. I hate milk.”
#5. Don’t mess around with chicken.
“I got salmonella poisoning from undercooked chicken. After throwing up once I basically dry heaved for a few hours. Also, I had an insanely high fever, like 103/104 and hallucinated that I went to hell. I was dripping in sweat and saw shadowy figures in my peripheral vision dancing around in a circle.
After experiencing that I can totally see why people think they were visited by demons or went to hell. Don’t mess around with chicken.”
#6. She whipped up some food.
“My first time at one of my best friends house, his mom decided to make is a snack while we did homework. She was a single mom for a lot of his upbringing, so she worked all day and was usually not up for cooking lunch/dinner. She wanted to be nice and offer me something though, so she whipped up some food. She served us undercooked whole wheat pasta. She also didn’t have any sauce or topping for it, so she just crumbled some Triscuits over the top of them. My friend was severely embarrassed. His mom has since remarried and has learned much more about cooking food for others.
Edit: a word”
#7. The same damn thing.
“I made a microwaved pizza for myself when they first came out in the late 1980s. I loaded it up with extra cheese.
I hear the microwave go BING. I pull it out and it flips over onto my hands. I had boiling hot cheese stuck to my fingers. I screamed like a banshee. My mom looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo. And my best friends was there and started laughing at me with blisters forming all over my hands.
A few weeks later I was over at his parent’s place with him. He throws in a microwaveable pizza. I hear BING then him screaming like a banshee. He did the same damn thing.”
#8. I still remember the flavor.
“Probably a tie between the bad tortilla chips that gave me food poisoning and the time my sister tricked me into eating Cat Chow. Decades later and I still remember the flavor.”
#9. Like sweaty balls.
“Back in the days when I used to hate sushi I tried some in Tokyo just for the bragging rights. I don’t know what I ordered but it was slimy and gooey and salty and tasted like sweaty balls. It took all my strength to stop myself from chundering at the table.
Love sushi now so would probably enjoy it if I tried today.”
#10. A near poisoning.
“We travelled to Sicily and decided to get some pizza. Found a really nice place at the beach, where we could watch the sunset over the sea. We ordered our pizzas and everything seemed perfect. Then the pizzas came and my bf tasted his. First he thought his pizza had a funny seasoning and gave it a shot, but after a few bites he said his tongue began to tingle. I tried a few bites myself and it was a really weird sensation in my mouth. Like when something is really spicy, but more in the acid kind of way. So he tried to explain to a waitress something was off with the pizza. There was a huge language barrier, so in the end she took the pizza away and looked quite irritated. My bf decided to walk towards the kitchen because we had the feeling they didn’t understand our complaint. From my point of view, a saw different staff members rushing out of the kitchen, including a cheff, and tried to explain something to my bf in quite a panicky way. Turns out their dishwasher was broken and all the plates where covered with highly concentrated dish soap. Their head chef ate some pizza and had to be picked up by an ambulance, fortunately we didn’t get food poisoning and just left the restaurant with empty bellies.”
#11. I had to excuse myself.
One of my ex boyfriend’s grandmother had the whole family over for dinner one night. She cooked spaghetti and my ex’s mom warned me that it would be terrible. Boy, was she right. His grandmother boiled water, put in the noddles, DID NOT DRAIN THE WATER, and then dumped some salt, pepper, and KETCHUP into the pot and served it. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom so I could dry heave over the toilet.
#12. Disgusting beyond belief.
“I tried to eat andouillette, a kind of pork sausage, while I was in France. It’s notorious there. When I ordered it the server sort of said ‘are you sure?’ It was disgusting beyond belief. I was actually retching.”
#13. To this day.
“Food poisoning Benihana Millburn NJ. Age 16. BRUTAL. Cold sweats when passing any Japanese steakhouses, to this day.”
#14. Like we were eating houseplants.
“I had Chinese take away that was sub-par a couple weeks back. The rice was meh, nothing to write home about.
But then I tried the chow mein. Somehow, it tasted like soil.
I thought my tastebuds were tripping, but my girlfriend then tried hers and, yep: Like we were eating houseplants.
I still don’t understand.”
#15. For the next two years.
“I got food poisoning from a Mexican restaurant. I shit my pants twice, popped a blood vessel in my eye from vomiting so hard, and I couldn’t even think about Mexican food without getting nauseous for the next two years.”
The post 10+ Foodies Talk About the WORST Meals They’ve Ever Had appeared first on UberFacts.
Fed-Up Dad Creates App That Forces Kids to Respond to Parents’ Texts
Parenting has always been a tough gig, and each generation has had its own unique challenges.
For millennial parents, the challenges come from the realm of technology. We’re faced with the dilemma of how much screen time is too much for our young ones. That said, we also live in an age where kids need cell phones at a certain point. Sadly, while cell phones were supposed to be a way for us to stay in constant contact with our kids, they’ve become yet another way for our kids to ignore us altogether.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
As a parent, few things are more frustrating than your kid refusing to respond to your texts.
So, one dad decided to do something about it.
Nick Herbert couldn’t stand it when his son continually failed to reply to his texts.
Photo Credit: CBS 11 Dallas
“My son has an iPhone, but I still can’t get hold of him very easily as it’s always on silent because he is playing games or has been at school and forgotten to turn the sound back on. There didn’t seem to be a solution out there that allowed me to send a message to him, that would override the silent function, appear over whatever he was doing and tell me when he had seen it.”
He created an app in response to this problem, calling it ReplyASAP. It works by taking over your iPhone when you get a message, not allowing you to ignore it or go back to playing a game or using social media. It also sounds an alarm, and tells the person who sent the text that it has been read.
Your child might be resistant to it at first, but chances are they’ll eventually see the use for it – it helps them remember that their parents are wondering whether they’re still alive.
Photo Credit: CBS 11 Dallas
In Herbert’s experience, this works out well.
“It is key to discuss with the child that they understand the reason for having it. It is not a punishment or a tool for tracking them, nor will it remotely lock or freeze their phone. It is simply a means of allowing them to carry on using their phone however they want, but giving a means of getting them an important message when you need to.”
You’ll probably want to also come to an agreement with your child on when and how you’ll use the app. For instance, it shouldn’t be something you employ every single time you send a text (especially if you know they’re in the middle of class). They should learn to associated ReplyASAP messages with something important and/or timely.
Communication is key in all relationships, so don’t skip on the chat and just download the app.
It’s currently only available on Android, but will be coming to iOs soon.
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15 Interpreters Reveal the Most Awkward Things They’ve Ever Had to Translate
Being an interpreter is a pretty interesting job. You have the potential to really help someone who doesn’t speak a given language (or possibly doesn’t speak/hear at all). That being said, it’s also extremely challenging at times – imagine if you mess up a translation between two hostile world leaders… you could end up starting a war!
Even when the stakes aren’t that high, there’s still plenty of potential to have to translate something rather awkward/unpleasant. Case in point: these responses from translators on AskReddit.
1. Try to remain calm
“I’m an interpreter for the deaf as well, and over the past 11 years interpreting, I’ve had quite a few awkward experiences.
My first most awkward was when I was interpreting for a client and his mom, both were deaf, the son was on probation but had done something to get called into his Probation officer’s (PO) office. He was cussing out both his mom and PO. I’m sure that was just a normal situation for them both, but to force myself to say the vulgar words and phrases he was using was painful for me. Don’t get me wrong, I can cuss like a sailor, but I know my place when I’m in the company of someone in authority and my own family, so I would never say such things in front of people like them. But I did because that’s what he was trying to convey and he has that right.
Second one that comes to mind is when I was interpreting for a couple trying to conceive. They had to test the husbands sperm count so he had to ejaculate into a cup. He’d never done this procedure before so the nurse had to explain step by step what he had to do. Trying my best not to blush was the hardest part of this job.
I just maintained as neutral a face as possible and did this job as professionally as I could, but when I walked out of that room I knew what he was doing behind that door, and then I had to wait with him in the lobby until they analyzed the count. Then there was more after this to explain the results. It was very detailed, and I know they had to give that information and this office deals with it everyday, but I don’t and it was a very interesting experience.”
2. Bad news messenger
“There are a few. One of the worst is having to relay bad news, like cancer diagnosis, especially when the doctor is extremely blunt or hurried. As an interpreter, you cringe and wish you could change even just the tone or the insensitive wording to make it sound more humane, but you really shouldn’t because as an interpreter your job is to relay the info as closely as possible.
Another difficult situation is when you’re called to a patient that is coding (this was especially difficult when I worked with pediatric patients at the Children’s Hospital and trying to calm down the frantic parents).
Another one is being called to the ER and then upon arriving, finding out it’s a person I know outside of work, like a family friend. In that situation, I would try to get someone else to interpret because of ethics, but it’s still a tough situation, because you want to help as much as you can while you wait on someone else to take over. I honestly could go on and on, but these are usually the exceptions, as I love my job. There’s just some days that are more difficult than others.”
3. Not gonna translate
“This may not be awkward/uncomfortable per se, but I once worked for an American teacher in Taiwan who expected his interpreters to be able to translate puns into another language. He did not or would not understand that a pun in English isn’t a pun in Chinese.”
4. Time for a talk about the birds and the bees
“I’ve been on multiple medical trips to Mexico with my urologist father. Bringing translators that have little to no medical experience is incredibly difficult, and in the OR, no one knows the different names for instruments (differs between states/ countries).
I’ve sat in on multiple appointments and surgeries with translators, and by far the worst is when my dad makes the (usually very religious) translators talk about sexual health.
In addition, often times people only speak Mayan in this particular village, so there has to be a English to Spanish translator, and a Spanish to Mayan translator.”
5. RIP
“I was interpreting for a high school teacher who was participating in an event to try to get dropouts to come back to hs in a majority hispanic neighborhood. Anyway, the school gave us a list with addresses that we had to go to to try to persuade the kids/parents. We go to this one house and ring the bell, the mother answers. I start translating what the teacher was saying and we go back and forth with the mother, asking her to see the kid, lets call her Maria. The mom kept insisting we couldn’t talk to Maria and the teacher kept giving the whole spiel about dropping out and to think of the future etc.
About 10 mins into the conversation, the frustrated teacher wants me to ask the mother why on earth couldn’t we talk to Maria, to which the mother breaks down crying and says that she died a week before from a long illness, that’s why she had dropped out. Ensues the worst and most awkward maybe 5 mins of our lives, between apologies and condolences. Needless to say, we didn’t go to any other house that day.
Btw, the school turns out was aware of the kid’s passing but had forgotten to take her out of the list, smth…”
6. Your number
“I was called to the lab to help a patient register for, understand, and drop off his semen analysis following his vasectomy. I am a female. As we were finishing up the interaction, I asked the patient if he needed anything else.
“Your number.”
“The lab has our number (their interpreter team) and can get us if anything else is needed or to call you for results.”
“No, I need your number.”
“Um, sorry but I don’t give out my personal number to patients.” Cue guy putting sunglasses on inside, under the florescent hospital lights and awkwardly trying to get out of there as fast as possible. It still took at least 5 minutes before he was done confirming everything with the lab team.”
7. Sexy time
“I worked at a place that captioned telephone calls for customers who were hard of hearing. We only heard one side of the phone call then basically repeated what we heard into our voice recognition software and then corrected it on the fly. Most of the conversation we’re boring as hell old people talking to other old people, 50 people in a row calling in to vote for Dancing with the Stars.
But ever so rarely you get a good one, mine was what I’m assuming was a deaf young lady and her boyfriend because the conversation very quickly turned from how are you doing to I want to to tie you spread eagle on the bed and lick you all over. This continued for about 15 minutes but the best part is all the cubicles around you hearing you loudly and very clearly speak (so the voice recognition doesn’t f— up) graphic sex acts while they are trying not to lose their shil*t laughing and still keep up captioning an old ladies cookies recipe.”
8. Vulgar language
“The company I work for has a Spanish translation team that I use very frequently and know all of them. We basically do customer service. The most awkward conversations is when you have an irate person on the other line that is cussing you out. Our translators are supposed to translate word for word unless vulgar language is used, then they can summarize.
Basically what I hear is about a minute of someone screaming at me, using multiple choice words that I can recognize as curse words, then the translator “translating” essentially “they are not happy with your answer.”
It’s awkward for everyone because the translator is basically getting yelled at and has nothing to do with anything other than he picked up that call, and I have to just sit there for minutes at a time listening to someone scream and a short 5 word translation. The customer usually catches on after the first tirade or two that there is no point and they should just calm down and be a decent human being and talk it out.”
9. I don’t need your advice, thanks
“Similar to others, not an actual translator but my parents spoke poor English when I was younger. When I was 12 they filed for bankruptcy and took me to the lawyers office to translate for them. Having them go through and tell me everything they blew money on was extremely uncomfortable. Now as an adult they get offended when I don’t want to take financial advice from them.”
10. Metaphors
“Translator – was working with a group translating transcripts that were going to be used in a legal case, and the speakers were using really filthy, really creative curse words. We all had to discuss frequently, either to figure out what it meant, or the best way to say it in English.
So there we all are in a law office, in our suits and ties, deciding whether it should be “rip his a** up and drag him home” or “plow his a** and drag him home”. (Subject matter was financial, they just enjoyed a colorful metaphor, those guys).”
11. Not until the age of 50
“My elderly parents spoke English very poorly and I often translated for them. After my father passed away, I took my mother to the Social Security office to take care of paperwork. One of the questions they asked was whether there were any other potential beneficiaries of my father’s benefits such as other children or ex wives. Being an only child, I immediately answered “no”.
My mother asked me what the question was. I interpreted with my answer. She looked at me sheepishly and answered, ‘that’s not exactly correct’. It was then, at the age of 50 in the Social Security Building, that I learned that my father had previously been married and had had a child. Mother and baby died during childbirth.”
12. Try to keep up
“I was translating during a divorce trial. You have to swear that you’re translating to the best of your ability, just like a witness swears that they’re telling the truth. No sweat. You’re pretty much a machine, you just translate whatever they say so the judge, clerk, attorneys, and husband and wife hear what is being said.
Well, at one point the accusation comes out that he was sleeping around. Well the husband loses it and starts cursing up a storm, calling her a whore, prostitute, etc. Well… I just translated what he said the best I could. Eyebrows were raised and I just shrugged my shoulders. Just doing my job. The judge reprimanded him (the wife was testifying at the time) and the guy yells back at me asking what did I say? The judge was cool and winked at me. It was awkward. But he did tell me afterwards that I did a great job.”
13. Cussin’
“My mom is a sign language interpreter. And she’s the most sweet as pie mom you can imagine. I’ve never seen her take a single sip of alcohol (I’m 30), she says things like oh durn, and son of a gun…
She told me about one time interpreting on the psych ward at the hospital. The deaf patient was throwing chairs at the doctor and signing every obscenity you can think of and many that don’t even have an actual sign to them. And, as an interpreter should.. my American sweet as pie mommy had to aggressively cuss the doctor out word for word.
It was the best thing I could ever picture… I was dying laughing.”
14. Emoji translation
“I’m a trained interpreter and translator but I’m a better at the former. I recently had to translate a document for immigration that were text messages from a married couple that frequently used emojis. It makes sense, they’re two people still learning each other’s language, so they would use the emojis to completely replace the words in the text (eg I love your
). I had to send out a huge email blast to my colleagues on how to translate emojis, it was a bizarre moment for me. I think I’ll stick to the spoken form.”
15. “Not kind things”
“I work tech support and often have to use a language line. My favorites are Asian languages and when people are pissed. The interpreters bless their hearts will faithfully translate, but every so often will say “They are saying not kind things about you personally.”
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