workplace – fakuto

We spend much of our time at work each day so it makes sense that people develop a sense of humor about it all. We also spend a considerable amount of time talking about what we do for our living, too.

Think about it. When was the last time you were hanging out with new people and to break the ice, they asked you, “What do you do for a living?”

It happens a lot, right?

But suppose you’re bored of launching into the same song-and-dance, the same boring explanation each time? After all, the answers you give have been committed to memory by now, haven’t they?

Imagine if someone asked you to describe what you do in the form of a poem. Things would get much more interesting then!

That was the principle of the matter here thanks to Redditor Lost_Borealin asked the online community:

“Writing only in haiku, what do you do for work?”

IT professionals definitely understand the struggle written about here:

“How can I help you?”

“Oh my god, it is blinking.”

“Try restarting it.” ~ TrafficGreat

And here’s another from someone in the same profession:

“You broke your laptop.”

“Somehow this is my problem?”

“Yelling won’t fix it.” ~ zerinsackeh1

Law school students definitely have heavy workloads, but this person is almost in the clear, hooray!

“I am in law school.”

“I do research for money.”

“Graduating soon.” ~ -MoodIndigo-

And here’s a peek into the future:

“I used to do that.”

“Now I write briefs all damn day.”

“But it pays the bills.” ~ OneFingerIn

X-ray technicians are undoubtedly busy these days!

“I see black and white.”

“Gray all over in between.”

“When X-rays hit you.” ~ -CrowWill-

Here we have a submission from someone representing Chipotle!

“Black or pinto beans?”

“You know guac is extra right?”

“Any sides with that?” ~ Noosents

And while not a job, here’s a submission from a satisfied customer:

“Whaddup cake day bro.

” “I ate Chipotle tonight.”

“It was damn good, thanks.” ~ TheMulattoMaker

Here’s a submission from someone who is not working currently—and we’re sorry to hear has been sick for some time:

“Work was years ago.”

“Unfortunately got sick.”

“On Reddit all day…” ~ GeniusEE

Here’s another person who’s unemployed—and we appreciate them being such a good sport:

“I am unemployed.”

“Guess I sit around a lot.”

“God I need a job.” ~ theEluminator

And now for a few submissions from the service industry.

Like this one:

“Put away returns.”

“Are you ready to check out?”

“Refrigerator.” ~ azemetrx

And another—this one from a store manager:

“May I speak with the-”

“Manager? That’s me, Karen.”

“Screaming then ensues.” ~ TitanCatTC

One from someone outlining the bane of every service worker’s existence:

“Is this a dollar?”

“Have you changed your prices yet?”

“Hey, do you work here?” ~ Euclybx

Another, this one from someone who has a knack for rhyming:

“Arranging produce.”

“So that customers buy it.”

“Just to deep fry it.” ~ MackeralSky

Another, this one from someone who does the same thing:

“At a grocery store.”

“I put out all the produce.”

“Throw out all the bad.” ~ ggfchi

And one more, this one from a restaurant worker:

“Service industry.”

“But I cannot stand people.”

“So I bus tables.” ~ skinnybastard

Here’s someone doing some very important work that I’m sure many people are grateful for after the hellish last year-and-a-half that we’ve had:

“Vaccine researchers.”

“Rely on me to fill studies.”

“With lots of people.” ~ bellyflop2

Hey, remember what being a college student was like?

Don’t remember?

Well, here’s a reminder:

“Nothing but schoolwork.”

“Occasionally homework.”

“Ugh anyday now.” ~ Pagalingling40

Here’s someone who’s in school and decided to be clever… we see what they did there.

“What is a haiku?

“I’m in school so I don’t know.”

“So is this a haiku?” ~FewJackfruit1432

Here’s a teacher telling us how it is.

“I help shape young minds.”

“I put up with their parents.”

“I’m not paid enough.” ~ edgarpicke

This person perfectly summed up what it’s like to work remotely—so we’re guessing their life didn’t change much when the pandemic hit:

“It’s much like before.”

“I still help people.”

“But now I’m in my PJs.” ~ slice_of_pi

This person probably has some pretty interesting stories about the people who come into their shop:

“I need some money.”

“What is your collateral?”

“Maybe this TV?” ~ Winquisitor

We’re taking an educated guess here and guessing that this person does something with… wait for it… products:

“Writing about products.”

“Creating ads for products.”

“Posting about products.” ~ snowstormspawn

Oooh… we’ve got someone special over here.

Anyone have any educated guesses of their own?

We’re thinking something with a high security clearance.

“It is very rare.”

“Can’t be too specific.”

“Don’t want to dox myself.” ~ Hlodvigovich915

Okay, you know how hard scientists have worked over the last year to get us to understand the importance of taking the COVID-19 vaccine?

Here’s a submission from an epidemiologist who just had to express their frustration:

“Poxed populations.”

“Epidemiology.”

“Revered, then ignored.” ~ annoyedgrunt

Next one is a lawyer?

Someone in publishing?

Either way, they’re keeping you out of legal trouble:

“You can’t publish that.”

“It is copyrighted art.”

“Get permission now.” ~ Frysiel

Here’s a submission from someone who works with disabled individuals in their capacity at the Social Security Administration:

“Disabled people.”

“They want to go to work soon.”

“SSA questions.” ~ trashytamboriney

And here’s another submission, this one from someone who doesn’t sound too happy with that same government agency:

“Disabled people.”

“Waiting on phone forever.”

“Then disconnected.” ~ Batfink27

Here’s one from someone who’s definitely sick and tired of working in software development:

“So sick of fixing bugs.”

“So sick of feeling dumb every day.”

“Lots of money, but crushing.” ~ bctwoPoint0

I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking, “Hey, Mr. Writer! Give us a haiku of your own! What’s it like being a full time writer?”

Well, sorry to disappoint you all, but writing haikus isn’t my strong suit.

If you must know what being a writer is like, then I just want you to imagine sitting in front of your screen all day, largely in solitude.

But here’s one last one from an editor:

“Your mistakes are mine,”

“words to correct and refine.”

“Your errors—my job.” ~ LakotaGrl

December 3, 2021

People Share The Best Trivial Facts They’ve Picked Up On The Job

Random knowledge is always being thrown at us and there are some things we’d never hear about if not for our jobs.

The workplace can be one of the best places to learn and thrive.

Case in point, I learn everyday from reading threads like this. I gather knowledge about science, geography, humanity, murder—the list is endless.

It can be useful and useless all at once. And that’s fun.

Redditor HugSized wanted to discuss all of the random knowledge many of us pick up in the workplace.

They asked:

“What trivial fact do you know only because of your job?”

Let’s get ready for Jeopardy…

A Special Time of Season

“The reason many TV shows have ‘holiday special’ episodes is because TV viewership is very low the week of Christmas but if they call it a special they don’t need to include it when they calculate their average ratings for the season.”

“Also the day Americans watch the least amount of TV is the 4th of July.” ~ thisisanewusername57

Inch by inch by inch…

“Tulips will continue to grow, on average, two inches more after they’ve been cut. Generally not while they’re in cold storage, but once they’re in a warmer environment.”

“Usually the entire flower will get bigger. They will grow in length, but also as the petals open the petals will become larger as well.”

“Taking them out of cold storage will make them continue to grow, and do they!”

“I think it’s the cells becoming larger as they get warmer. Like they expand and contract with temperature and light.”

“A lot of flowers will open in light and close in dark. There is a point of no return.” ~ marefo

“As someone who worked in floral making arrangements for a while, tulips have become my least favorite flower to work with.”

“Those flimsy ass stems that just flop over because they’re so top heavy, and since they tend to grow at different rates, it is hard to use them in arrangements.”

“Plus the soil is always packed into their leaves, leading to dirty water if you happen to miss a spot when cleaning them.” ~ amugnai

Buying. Selling. For a bit.

“The average length of a Real Estate Agent’s career is about four months.” ~ Bunktavious

“I lasted three years. I didn’t have the money to pay the Realtor fee at the time or the car to impress.”

“Then I moved out of town, got divorced, spent a whole year broke before I was back on my feet, with other 9-5 entry level positions.”

“I’ve wanted to get back into it but with such a bad market where I live and the necessity to make money asap, it is a hard decision.” ~ LLL84

Better to Breathe

“Babies born vaginally tend to have less respiratory distress than babies via c-section of the same gestational age because the squeeze through the birth canal helps get amniotic fluid out of their lungs.” ~J ohnnytucf

“This saved my nephew.”

“He would have died if delivered cesarean but being born vaginally, the squeeze pushed his intestines back through the hole in his diaphragm and into his abdomen allowing his lungs to expand.” ~ neinta

“Also the sudden change from chilling in their own pee to suddenly being squeezed, relatively slowly, through a very small space causes a release of stress hormones which also help absorb fluid in the lungs as well as triggering breathing.”

“Babies born through C-section don’t get as much of that stress.” ~ kjhwkejhkhdsfkjhsdkf

Shopping in Secret

“In the state of Nevada, only licensed private investigators are allowed to work as mystery shoppers.” ~ cattemonstre

“I had a secret shopper twice in a row.”

“He was making sure we checked IDs. I asked for his ID when he ordered, gave me a green card indicating I passed, I gave that to my manager, started talking to him.”

“Saw him again the next month, said hello and just asked for his ID before he said anything.”

“He just smiled again, gave me another green card and I bought him an appetizer so he could just sit and relax a bit.” ~ illgot

“Based on my experience, I think mystery shopping companies that operate in Nevada recruit current PIs to do mystery shopping work on the side, rather than encouraging aspiring shoppers to get licensed.”

“The locations being shopped also have somewhat higher security needs (stores and restaurants in casinos, etc.), so that might have something to do with it.” ~ cattemonstre

For the price of ink…

“You know those vintage looking shirts at the store that are distressed on the print. It saves the company a ton of money on ink costs.”

“My boss says that trend is what made him a millionaire.” ~ PlopsMcgoo

“Also makes it easier to print/less waste.”

“Didn’t get solid pressure all the way through the push? No problem, it’s distressed. Didn’t flood the screen fully in one spot?”

“It’s ok, distressed. Pretty much any error is easily hidden in a distressed design.”

“When you need crisp, sharp lines is where errors become majorly obvious and any error can mean recording and printing a new shirt.” ~r edebekadia

Gimme your grade…

“The most common type of stainless steel is grade 304. The second most common is grade 316, which is used for food and surgical purposes.” ~ mycatiswatchingyou

“Most common because it’s the cheapest grade of stainless steel, 316 has higher quantities of more expensive elements, 321 more so.”

“You can then kick it up a notch and look at Duplex and Super Duplex stainless steels if you have the budget and the need.” ~ KarmannosaurusRex

Food Prep Areas

“Ground moles have kitchens just like us!”

“They will paralyze earth worms (their primary food source) by biting its head and will drag the worms to a designated burrow where they store the bodies to save for later.” ~ GraeBabe

I’lll just take two of these…

“So many companies will let you walk in say ‘I’m with the computer company’ and walk out with a computer.” ~ SirPasta117

“I’ve seen this work at a tech company. Had more than a dozen developers hand their laptops over to a random guy with a cart.”

“I’m from IT doing a laptop upgrade, here to collect the old ones”

“From the security footage, one of the devs ran after the guy to stop him… to hand over the charger that goes with the laptop.”

“We only found out when we started getting angry calls a few hours later from developers demanding to know how long the replacement was going to take.” ~J uan_Golt

Head Held High! Moooo!

“Cows have a tendon running down the back of their necks that holds their head up.”

“It’s called a paddy whack and you can dry it out and give it to dogs like a rawhide bone.”

“That’s the source of Knick knack paddywhack, give a dog a bone.” ~ ellipses1

Well that is a ton to process. I don’t know if I’ll ever make an episode of Jeopardy! but it’s good to have knowledge tucked away.

It can be fun to just blurt out random facts at a party.

You know when we do, people might be inspired to follow up in research. And then we’re all learning.