If you are married, there are times when your partner will almost get themselves murdered in some fashion. It could be something they say, or something they do, or maybe they just decide it’s a good idea to crunch their way through a cup of ice at 10pm. IN BED.
Ahem.
Whatever the instances, the best way to handle said murder temptation is through humor (or maybe therapy or meditation) – a trick these 12 women have down pat.
12. That is true love.
I’m not that nice, I guess.
True love is sending your spouse memes to look at while they’re pooping.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 11, 2020
11. It all depends on your definition of the word.
And no, you shouldn’t clarify.
husband: you’re so sweaty. did you work out?
me: [just ate half a block of cheese] yes
— Lil Bit of Holiday Cheer
(@LizerReal) November 2, 2020
10. Your point?
Just get the list, man.
Husband, “I’m going to the store, do you need anything?”
Me, “A bottle of champagne.”
Husband, “Oh, I got you one yesterday.”
Me, “I said what I said.”— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 5, 2020
9. Definitely torture each other just for fun.
Otherwise, why be married?
When I feel like my husband seems to relaxed, I’ll just start a sentence with “y’know, I’ve been thinking…”
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) October 27, 2020
8. I can’t stop laughing.
Priceless moments.
Sent my husband nudes and he asked me which mole I was worried about.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 23, 2020
7. Probably not the photos he hoped to receive.
But perhaps just as effective.
My husband pissed me off so I took photos of me using his tools improperly and sent them throughout the day while he was at work as payback
— Maryfairyboberry
(@maryfairybobrry) November 15, 2020
6. Every morning it feels twice as long.
The rest of the day is better, I hope.
Me and my husband have been married for over 11yrs. I know it's true love because starting at 5am his alarm goes off like 4 times every single day, and he's still alive.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 25, 2020
5. Ah, the perks of being a woman.
You know it’s not gonna matter to them.
I like being married because I can say things like “jeez I am so damn gassy today” and still end up getting laid later.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 5, 2020
4. Why do those even exist?
Who eats them? They are monsters.
My husband brought home unfrosted Pop-Tarts and now I have to file for divorce. We had a good run.
— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker
(@sixfootcandy) July 13, 2020
3. It’s like it was his first day.
You know better, Sir.
I did an impersonation of my husband and we laughed and laughed and then he did an impersonation of me and we laughed and laughed and he slept on the couch.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 9, 2020
2. Literally no one is listening.
Why would they? You’re always there to ask again.
80% of marriage is repeating yourself.
I SAID 80% OF MARRIAGE IS REPEATING YOURSELF.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 2, 2020
1. Why is this so painfully true?
At least, it is over here.
The only time I complain about my husband being on his phone is when I’m not on mine.
— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker
These made me laugh; I must be married.
Yep, just checked. I am indeed married. Whew! Glad I confirmed that.
Which one of these hit home for you? Let’s commiserate together!
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