15+ Words That Are Literally Their Own Opposites

I truly love the English language and am the type of person who can become endlessly fascinated by a word. Perhaps that’s why I became a writer.

Did you know there’s a special type of word known as a “contronym” –  a word that is its own antonym.

Image Credit: Pixabay

#1. Sanction

You can use it to “give official permission or approval for an action” or “impose a penalty on.”

#2. Cleave

“To cling to or adhere” or “to split or sever,” depending on how you use it.

#3. Left

What’s left or we have left? One means “remaining” and the other “departed.”

#4. Go

“To proceed,” of course, but it can also mean “to give out or fail.”

#5. Clip

You can use a clip to “bind things together” or you can “separate” coupons from the paper by clipping them.

#6. Dust

You can apply dust or remove dust, depending on the context – are you dusting crops or furniture?

#7. Weather

It can mean “to withstand or come safely through,” as with a storm, or conversely, “to be worn away.”

#8. Out of

“I hardly get out of the house anymore since I work out of my home” You’re referring to both “outside” and “inside” with the same phrase.

#9. Oversight

“Supervise” or “to fail to see or observe; to pass over without noticing; to disregard, ignore” – true opposites!

#10. Continue

We generally use it to mean to persist in doing something, though in the legal system, it means to stop a proceeding, if only temporarily.

#11. Out

It means both visible (the moon was out) and invisible (the lights are out).

#12. Screen

It means both “to show” (a film) or “to hide” (something unsightly).

#13. Hold up

This phrase can mean “to support” or “to hinder.”

#14. Off

You can turn something off (deactivated) or an alarm can go off (activated) without changing a thing!

#15. Toss out

“To suggest” and also “to discard.”

#16. Help

Most often used as “assist” but can also be used to mean “prevent” – I couldn’t help myself.

#17. Fast

It can mean both “moving rapidly” and “fixed, unmoving,” as in holding fast.

Go forth and sound smarter, people!

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Extremely Rare “Blonde” Zebra Photographed in the African Wild

“Blonde” zebras, or zebras that are striped white and a sort of golden-yellow color, are extremely rare. But sightings of a rare “blonde” zebra in the Serengeti National Park seem to confirm that, if accepted by their herd, the lighter-colored version can survive in the wild without issue.

The photographs were taken by National Geographic photographer Sergio Pitamitz, who was out to capture images of migrating zebras when he saw what looked like an all-white member of the striped crowd.

At closer glance, he saw a white-and-gold striped animal drinking from a watering hole. He told National Geographic about the experience.

“At first I thought it was a zebra that had rolled in the dust.”

When it didn’t wash off in the water, though, he realized he was looking at something special.

Image Credit: Shutterstock

Scientists think the zebra has partial albinism, a genetic condition that leads to a lack of melanin. It’s been recorded in a number of animals, from orangutans to penguins. The opposite condition, melanism, has also been seen in the animal world – it turns normally lighter colored animals so dark as to nearly be black.

Albinism is rare to see it in the wild, though, since albino animals are much easier to spot than their camouflaged relatives. Until now, no one was sure whether an albino zebra could survive outside captivity. Zebra stripes actually aren’t for camouflage or climate control, so not having black stripes hypothetically shouldn’t affect a zebra’s ability to survive – scientists just weren’t sure whether an albino zebra would be accepted by the herd.

The pictures prove that doesn’t seem to be an issue.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Fun fact: Each zebra’s pattern is unique, like a fingerprint, so maybe they don’t notice how different this one is – melanistic and even spotted zebras have been previously seen in the wild.

Another fun fact: there are three species of zebra – plains zebras, mountain zebras, and Grevy’s zebra – and all have slightly different markings.

Nice to think that animal species aren’t bothered by their differences, instead accepting the fact that none of them look the same. Humans could learn a thing or two!

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15 Seriously, Ridiculously Awkward Family Photos

Every family’s got at least one: that awkward, inexplicable photo that you hope nobody will ever see again. Maybe it’s in one of your mom’s albums, or it’s tucked away somewhere in Aunt Carol’s basement. Maybe you’re just waiting for the day that you can burn it, thereby erasing your family’s secret shame from the annals of history.

These 15 photos are a good mix of every kind of awkward photo, and since they’re not lurking in your mother’s basement, feel free to laugh instead of cringe.

#1. A true classic.

Image Credit: Reddit

#2. I’m frightened.

Image Credit: Reddit

#3. The day you realized your parents lied to you about how awesome school is.

Image Credit: Reddit

#4. What happens when your mom is a hairdresser and needs practice.

Image Credit: Reddit

#5. Some kids have trouble watching their parents walk away at school. Or she’s rehearsing for her part as the pig in the school play.

Image Credit: Reddit

#6. What’s up with the second girl from the right?

Image Credit: Reddit

#7. The most horrifying photo bomb.

Image Credit: Reddit

#8. When one of you farted but you’re blaming it on each other.

Image Credit: Reddit

#9. Favorite prom photo ever.

Image Credit: Reddit

#10. Y’all what on earth.

Image Credit: Reddit

#11. I feel like this is definitely on its way back in style.

Image Credit: Reddit

#12. She’s nailing this big sister thing.

Image Credit: Reddit

#13. When you Google “engagement quote” and use the first one that comes up.

Image Credit: Reddit

#14. Maximum 80s.

Image Credit: Reddit

#15. No way these two weren’t awesome parents.

Image Credit: Reddit

Feeling a little better about your weird family?

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Scientists Can Harness Electricity from Your Skin’s Melanin, and Melanated People Are… Uneasy

Scientists are figuring out how to harness electricity from your skin’s melanin, and, as a melanated person, IDK if this is good news or bad news.

A group of Italian scientists recently made a breakthrough that allows them to conduct electricity from eumelanin, the pigment that colors human skin, hair, and eyes. In its natural form, eumelanin conducts electricity, but not very efficiently – these scientists figured out a way to give it a boost.

The process is still very much in its early stages, and there are still challenges to figure out before it becomes applicable IRL. But eventually, this technology could help power bioelectronics, like medical implants, and lower the risk of rejection.

“This is the first [stepping] stone of a long process that now can start,” said Alessandro Pezzella, the University of Naples Federico II chemist who authored the study.

Meanwhile, I and my fellow brown-skinned people are, um, nervous.

Is it just us or does this sound like something from a dystopian sci-fi movie?

Because where are they gonna get all this melanin from, hmm?!

Some folks are already ready for a fight.

“Not if I electric shock they ass first,” one woman wrote.

“I got some electric for they ass,” another agreed.

On the other hand, some people are also thinking ahead about how to use this tech to their advantage.

“But in all seriousness, can I pay my light bill with this?”

Goooood question.

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10+ Redditors Remember the Strangers from Their Past That Made a Lasting Impact On Them

Have you ever met a stranger who left an indelible impression on you? Maybe it was something they said to you or just something you saw them do – either way, it’s something you remember for the rest of your life.

Reddit users were asked one simple question: “What stranger do you still think about?” The answers they provided were funny, heartwarming, and all-around fascinating.

1. What…?

I went to the municipal administration to authenticate my documents. While waiting, a dude comes in and says “Hey you! Hey bro! Make like this” and he turned his arm in a weird way. “Yeah you! Do this like I’m doing it” and turns around his arm again. So I do what he wants me to.

He comes closer to me and asks me to do it again, so I turn around my arm again. He shakes my hand and tells me, that I will always be his homie and he will never let me down. He goes to the door and asks me to turn around my arm. I turn around my arm and he says “You are the coolest guy ever. Peace out.” Walks out, runs to the other side of the street, while there was plenty of traffic and nearly gets overrun. He runs away as fast as he can. Never seen him again nor do I know what the hell just happened.

2. “I’ve got your back… and your neck.”

This man in a Red Sox hat that I met on a connect flight from Pittsburgh to California. We both forgot our neck pillow and decided to go with each other to buy some because a kiosk had a “buy one, get one 50% sale.” He ended up paying for mine too. I think about him every time I board a flight with that neck pillow.

3. Don’t worry, be happy.

I was in Bergen with a friend doing a tour around Norway. We were in a park and this guy, curly hair, around 40 years old, smiled at us. The happiest, nicest, beautifulest smile of all. He walked away, and we turned to look at him. He was looking at us too, and waved at us. I like to imagine he is still smiling at people in this park and being happy.

4. Sometimes, words aren’t necessary.

Random girl I sat next to on the subway. We both read our books the whole ride. At her stop she said “It was really nice riding with you” and left. We hadn’t spoken or made eye contact the whole time.

5. Never underestimate the power of a compliment.

I was at the supermarket about two years ago, just buying groceries. My week wasn’t the best and I was feeling quite a bit lower than usual, but hey, I gotta eat. I was grabbing some yogurt, and all of a sudden I feel something wrap itself around my right leg. A little girl, about 3 or so, stares straight up at me, smiles the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on a child that age, and proceeds to proclaim, “Wow, you’re really pretty!” A bit shell shocked, I thanked her as her mother came hurrying over. The mom apologized and told her daughter to do the same for “bothering the nice lady,” but honestly I’ve never felt so honored in my life. The girl is probably five or six by now, and I guarantee I’ll never forget her. She made my day so much brighter, and I find myself giving compliments to random people more often now.

6. Man hath known no greater embarrassment.

The guy who waved at me at a bus stop several years ago, but he wasn’t actually waving at me, he was waving at a guy behind me, and when I waved at him, he laughed. I think about him basically every time I go out now that I live back in the same city that it happened in, and worry I’ll see him again, and that I’ll die.

7. Is he a time traveler?

This man who was about to get off the bus at the station, who, before exiting, turned to my dad and said in a very peaceful voice, “You’re going to live to be a 100 years old. I can see it in your face”. It was such an odd, but nice encounter. He was an older man himself. I hope he’s doing good.

8. A reminder to be good to other people.

The Canadian dude who helped me and my baby daughter out at Toronto airport. I was travelling back from the UK, where I had taken my daughter to introduce her to my family, flying back to Baltimore, where my husband was waiting for us. The check in clerk at Heathrow had told me my luggage would be checked straight through, which was totally wrong. I arrive for my connecting flight with my carry on, and my 11 month old kid in her car seat carrier, and they ask me where my luggage is. I have to go back to the other terminal, get my luggage, go back through customs and make my flight, all while toting a baby, with no Canadian money. Also, I’m hugely upset because I just left all my family behind. I get back to the terminal, get my luggage and the customs guy yells at me for being late getting my stuff, basically implying I’m using my baby and connecting flight to manipulate him into letting me through without inspecting my luggage. So 23 year old me bursts into tears in the middle of the airport. This dude notices, asks me whats wrong and goes about fixing it for me. Gives me a dollar coin for the luggage trolley. Yells at the Air Canada staff that they have screwed up, and gets them to get me through staff security so I make my flight – all that stuff I should have been doing but I was so gired and upset I just couldn’t do myself. I never had the chance to give him back his dollar coin since as soon as I was ok, he disappeared, but I keep it in my purse, even now, 15 years later, to remind me to be good to other people.

9. Michael the Firefighter.

I was in a car accident in 2005. I hydroplaned during a rainstorm and slid through 4 busy lanes of rush hour traffic, catching the freeway divider and finally ending up facing into traffic as cars whizzed past me in the rain. I called my husband to tell him I loved him because I was pretty sure I had minutes before a car slammed into me. I had no idea how I was going to get my car turned around, or if I could even drive. I knew I was in pain and I was scared to the point of just helplessly sobbing and screaming. A truck slowed down and parked in front of me. It was this big Ford something-or-other and a man got out. He had a white pearl snap shirt and a grey cowboy hat on (this was in Texas and that’s still kind of distinctive). He said his name was Michael and he was an off-duty firefighter. He asked me if I was able to get out of the car. I nodded tearfully, and as soon as I was out of the car I sobbed in his arms like a little kid. I was in my mid-twenties, but I didn’t care. He checked me over and said we had to get my car off the freeway. I agreed, and we checked to see if it would start. It did. I could see the nearest hospital over the nearby businesses, and he said he would get me off the freeway and I was to go directly there and he’d meet me at the ER to make sure I was okay. Then he slowly pulled his truck forward to make a barrier (it’s still freeway rush hour and cars are still in the rain. He parked it, got out, and started to wave his hat to slow more cars down to a stop. They did. I was able to pull away and drive to the hospital, dragging the rear of my car in a loud mess behind me. My husband got there just as I did, frantic, and he helped me inside so I could get checked out. I had whiplash, bruises, and soft tissue damage in my lower back. My shoulder was subluxed from the force of the steering wheel jerking. I had chocolate Slim Fast shake in my hair. I never saw Michael again. I checked the news to make sure no one hit him while he pulled that stunt to get me off the freeway. I had no last name to go by, and wasn’t sure what department he worked for. That was the second firefighter to save my life. I didn’t know the first one because I was a newborn, but I go out of my way to thank every firefighter I meet. He was off-duty. He could have just drove by, but this man stopped and helped me when I was scared and hurt and in danger. Thanks Michael.

10. Blast from the past.

The older gentleman who knocked on my door one day and asked if he could possibly come inside and revisit the home in which he had lived over 55 years ago. It was a pleasure to show him around and to hear his recollection of things that had happened within those walls many years ago – some of which were eye-openers. I never saw him again because he was visiting from the other coast, where he now lives. Still, he told me tales of the house and neighborhood I won’t forget.

11. A kind stranger.

Had a long conversation one afternoon in Washington Square park with an old man who saw me looking at pigeons and started talking to me about bird behavior. We wound up talking for like 3 or 4 hours and he was pretty wise and kind of eccentric, never mentioned any family or anything. I never saw him again.

12. Bonus points for great comedic timing.

When I was around eight, my mother and I were at a bank standing in line behind a guy with two fingers missing on one of his hands. He caught me staring and started telling me a long winded story about how he’d gone to a gator show in Louisiana. The tamer did a trick were he had the gator hold its mouth open as he swiped his hand between the teeth thee times. He then offered a cash reward to anyone in the audience who could repeat the trick and the man telling me the story had volunteered. He went up to the gator and had it open its mouth. He swiped his hand through and nothing happened. He swiped his hand through again and nothing happened. He swiped his hand through a final time… and nothing happened. The man then told me to always make sure a lawnmower is off before I try to unjam it.

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14 People Who are Lying, But We Don’t Care Because They’re Funny

We’ve all seen them. Those bullshit, humble brags on social media that we all know are lies. But some are actually legit hilarious because they’re so ridiculous.

Today, we’re bringing together 14 of the dopest, dankest, nonsensical social media lies people have posted – because why not? It’s time to laugh. What more reason do we need besides that?

Let’s go!

Supervegan strikes again!

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

Then why are you lying?

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

Nobody has done this ever.

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

“my fast brain”

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

Homeless appropriation? That’s what we’re doing now?

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

Nobody get this upset about that band. Nobody.

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

Stop lying for Siri! She’s got enough problems as it is.

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

This is sucking alright…

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

More like “Lying Whisperer”

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

But how did they even know that?!?

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

Oh for God’s sake…

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

Yeah. That happened.

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

Bruh. Come on…

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

#bullshit

Photo Credit: old.reddit.com

I’ll give all of these people this: they were brave enough to lie publicly and suffer the wrath of the social media mob.

For that, I applaud you all. I also laugh AT you, but I’m sure that’s nothing new.

The post 14 People Who are Lying, But We Don’t Care Because They’re Funny appeared first on UberFacts.

Babysitters Share the Most Inappropriate Thing Parents Asked Them to Do

Babysitting jobs are kind of a rite of passage for a lot of kids, and is often their first real job. It takes a lot of responsibility, and sometimes weird things happen.

A recent question on Quora revealed some fascinating stories from former babysitters about inappropriate things they were asked to do. Here are eight of the best:

1. Poor kiddo

In high school I once babysat just one night for these strange parents who were friends of my (former) grandmother (who was not a nice woman, and didn’t have nice friends). (By former I mean I’ve detached from that side of the family, but that’s not the point here)

The children were two five year olds within a few months age of each other. One was adopted.

The parents told me that their biological son, X, was allowed to play Grand Theft Auto in his bedroom for as long as he wanted (well into the night) and that they had a stash of candy for just him and there were no restrictions. Yes, he was a brat.

But then the parents told me about the other 5-year-old, Y, who they adopted a few months prior. They actually told me “he’s not allowed to leave the living room, because he’s adopted”

And that was their only reasoning. Their only explanation.

Because he’s adopted.

Y had to stay in the living room and just watch TV while X, the biological son of his new parents, played video games in his own bedroom.

It was shocking and to this day I can’t fathom or understand those people’s reasoning…

Also, I can’t imagine what else he was denied or how else his treatment was altered just because he was adopted.

2. Her mom stood up for her

When I was 11–13 yo, I babysat for a couple that lived 8 blocks away from my house. They had one child and both parents were doctors. They were in their late 30s when they had their kid which was considered way old for the late 1970s.

They were nice people and I babysat for them almost every Saturday night. Their kid was usually in bed by the time I got there so I really didn’t do much.

When they got home, they would pay me to the quarter hour. No rounding up for good measure. I earned a dollar an hour.

The worst part? The husband would ask me if I could walk home by myself. He was always tired and not in any condition to walk or drive.

What was I supposed to say? No? So I would bolt home, scared shitless. If my parents were home, I would call my dad to come get me. Sometimes he was sleeping and he had to get out of bed. The docs would make me wait out front for him, too. They needed their sleep. Other times, my parents were out, too.

This made my parents furious – that this couple would not provide me with transportation home at 1am on a Saturday night after babysitting. It also bugged my dad that they never rounded up my pay.

This went on for about 6 months. Finally, my mom had enough. The next time the Drs. called me to babysit she scolded them for not escorting or driving me home. This was all unprompted by me.

My mother is a lovely woman who everyone likes. She is a great listener, is very optimistic, has a good sense of humor and is a genuinely kind, good person. But don’t cross her, her hubs or her children.

“Listen, Dr N. My daughter is no longer going to babysit for you if you will not drive or walk her home at the end of the night. My husband and I don’t think it is our responsibility to pick her up. We raised 3 daughters and had plenty of sitters over the years. We always gave them rides home or put them in a cab. Always. You need to step up and take this responsibility.”

I was floored. My mom was full of calm, but righteous indignation. It was beautiful to witness.

“And for the record, I know this is your first child so you may not know these things, but it’s customary to round up when calculating the pay. The quarter hour payment is ridiculous. Especially because you’re not driving her home. Surely you can spare a few quarters for your son.”

My mom schooled the docs! It was beautiful. Mrs. Doc apologized profusely and thanked my mother for letting her know. She said that she and her husband were grateful that I was always available and that I was close by. From now on they would drive me home and round up.

“I appreciate that. Thank you. Here’s Mary.”

I continued to baby sit for them until HS. Then I got a life.

3. Ignore the door

Me and my big sister both had to grow up pretty quick, (c’est la vie) so by the time I was 11 I was already getting numerous requests for babysitting. These were all people from the estate, so my parents knew them so it was deemed safe enough for me to go down the street for a few hours on a Friday or Saturday night.

My rates were £10 up until midnight, and then £3 for every hour after.

12:AM: “Oh, do you mind stopping another couple of hours? Somethings come up…” “Don’t worry, that’s fine, what ti-” “Oh that’s great, of and if anyone knocks on the door, ignore it.” Click. What? I brush it off, think, that’s another £8 for me.

2AM: No mother in sight, give it a half an hour

2:45AM: I start calling, there’s no answer.

3:00AM: Knock at the door. Not my parents, they always had a spare key to let themselves in. IGNORE.

3:05AM: Knock on the window. This followed with fifteen minutes of knocking and shouting to let him, that he knew “we” were in there. The kids wake up, it turns out to be their dad but there’s no way I can let him in. I herd them back upstairs and wait it out.

*several hours and multiple unanswered calls later*

7:30AM: Kids just now waking up again “Where’s our mum?”

i have no fucking clue “ohh she just had to bob to the office, she’ll be back soon” (or she is dead in a ditch somewhere)

8:00AM: She walks through the door, drunk off her arse with her phone in her damn hand. I put her to bed and take the £40 out of her purse and a DVD in for the kids.

4. Just smack ’em

Oh, there were a few things.

I would say the MOST inappropriate thing I was asked to do was hit the children. It was never, ever, ever going to happen, but I knew in the first, like, minute and a half of that job that I’d never be back.

I was either 12 or 13, very young. The woman called me after another woman I babysat for every once in a while had recommended me. The first woman was no delight to sit for, either…she once counted popcorn kernels into a paper bag with each child’s name on it. Each child could have no more than fifty kernels in their microwaved lunch bag of popcorn. Wild stuff. Anyhow.

It was a very weird vibe just walking in. The mom was sort of wild-eyed hostile for no apparent reason, and it was chaotic from the get-go. She had two beautiful little girls, one of whom was a young preschooler who didn’t really speak. The little girl saw me, toddled partway over, stooped to pick up a dead squirrel by the tail, and held it up so I could see it. Without hesitation or a single word, the mom backhanded the child across the face and sent her flying. She kicked the squirrel aside, picked up the girl, smacked her on the bottom, and told me to follow her into the house. At least one time and probably more during her instructions to me, she told me to “just smack ‘em” if they did anything wrong.

Yeah, no, I’m not doing that.

The fun part of all of this was that, as I mentioned in some other weird-babysitting-anecdote answers, after she gave me my instructions she placed a big stack of cash on the microwave. Then she turned around, pointed a finger in my face, and told me that if any was gone she’d know I’d stolen it. Her husband ended up getting home before she did, and he paid me from the microwave cash before driving me home. I was never asked back (I wouldn’t have gone), but I always wondered if she went back and saw money missing and yelled that she effing knew it.

5. This is horrifying

I was considered a “catch” as a baby sitter, because I had experience with newborns. I was 9–10, and my older sister was living with us because her husband was deployed. I don’t know where or why. At this time we were not at war with anybody, but the Russians were not our friends. I did the “drop&cover” drills at school, but we grew up at ground zero (the Naval shipyard was maybe a mile away across the open water of the bay.) and I knew enough about the atom bomb (my dad had gone in to pick up prisoners of war right after Nagasaki)to know that there were not going to be any survivors if some one dropped one around our neighborhood.

The kids I was sitting for were a boy 6, a boy 5 and a baby girl of about 6 months. The parents lived about 5 miles inland from where we lived. The parents were very paranoid about the Russians, they were sure they were going to be landing in Puget Sound any day now. They had a bomb shelter in the back yard, and every time I sat for them, they would run a drill making sure I knew how to get in and seal it. I though it was kind of fun. I had a big family and a private “fort” that I could sit in all alone was very appealing. On this particular night there had been a lot of items on the news that were sort of scary. The parents told me that they were going to Seattle for dinner and a concert. An hour away by ferry and probably would be home late. Then the mother turned to be with a very serious expression. If there was an attack, she said, she wanted to make sure the baby was not left. The boys would be OK, but she wanted me to suffocate the baby so the “enemy” would not get her. I was horrified, and I told her I couldn’t do that. She insisted that I do it and her husband agreed with her. I finally stammered something about there wouldn’t be any attack and left it at that. We watched TV after they left and everyone was asleep. The baby was a bit fussy, so I rocked her awhile. But looking down at that innocent face, I knew I could not harm her in anyway. Fortunately, there was no attack that night. When they got home, they paid me and they the husband took me home. When I got there, my dad was still up,asleep in his recliner. When he asked me how things had gone, I burst into tears and sobbed out the whole, awful story. He got me calmed down and said I wouldn’t be babysitting for them again. I think he called the couple and talked to them about it.

But asking a 10 year old to kill the baby, if there was an enemy attack. That one gave me nightmares for awhile.

6. Are they hiring?

Let’s see… Inappropriate things done while babysitting…

(I’m gonna leave out the finer details and real names because the father of the children I used to sit was/is an extremely prominent, respected and revered lawyer from my home city).

I digress. The mother of this family (let’s call her Mrs. Z) is about ten years older than myself and grew up two doors down from my childhood home. She used to babysit my sisters and me; we always had a blast and adored her! Fast forward about seven years, I’m sixteen years old and it’s my turn to be the sitter for her two children.

Mr. and Mrs. Z were very wealthy, for lack of better verbiage. They were the type of rich people who were so loaded that they didn’t have to give a fuck about price-tags. Due to this minor detail, they would quite literally give me all the cash they happened to have lying around at the end of the day. I remember being paid anywhere from 350- 500 dollars a day, for a nine hour day. Let’s average that and say I was paid $400.00 a day. That’s $44.00 an hour. FORTY FOUR DOLLARS AN HOUR. That’s me in 2006, sixteen years old and being paid an hourly wage of some veterinarians. GTFO. I remember being handed this wad of cash after my first day, thinking it rude to glance at the bills in front of them but then feeling inclined to do so after realizing the weight of the money. I felt extremely uncomfortable and uncivilized accepting this much money. However, when I opened my mouth to protest they just smiled and apologized that it really wasn’t enough, thanking me over and over again.

You know that scene in Pulp Fiction where John Travolta opens the briefcase that probably has like, Marsellus Wallace’s soul in it? Yeah. That’s what it feels like when you’re just barely legal to drive and you’re stuffing a roll of dead presidents into your faded, pink PacSun shorts before riding back home on your bicycle. Yeahhhh…

Let me back track so I can give a proper idea of what a babysitting day comprised of. During the summer both of the children attended camp; the eldest went to the park district and the youngest was enrolled in an academic-type program for autistic children. Mrs. Z would be gone by the time I arrived in the morning (she was taking college classes) and Mr. Z would leave shortly thereafter for work. The only responsibilities I had were as follows: put the little boy on the bus in the morning, drive the girl to her summer camp a few minutes up the street, retrieve them both at the end of the day, make them dinner. The parents weren’t the “here’s a list of exactly what to do/make the kids for dinner“ type. They were more of the “Dinner? Oh yeah, uhm… Chicken nuggets? Brownies. They like brownies! They should eat, right” type. Like, who doesn’t want brownies for dinner? Fuck it, we’re all eating brownies for dinner and don’t you complain! And we did. A half an hour in the morning and an hour for when the kids were back from camp- they told me to just stay and hang out for the time in between.

So I had just turned sixteen and didn’t have a car. No problem! The Zs had a few to lend me. The first morning of babysitting Mr. Z was running a little late and hurriedly pointed to a set of keys on the counter as he flew out the door. I knew of three cars they owned; the red Corvette wasn’t parked in the garage, Mr. Z sped away in his BMW, leaving the new, dark silver Hummer H-3 sitting on the street all by his lonesome. I panicked. There was no, “okay we’re leaving you the new Hummer, be careful“ conversation. Nothing. These people gave the keys of a 54,000 dollar vehicle to a sixteen year old Chicago kid with mismatched socks. I remember calling the mom like, “hey, uh, Mr. Z left me the keys to the Hummer… but like, I could just walk Mary (alias) to school…” She said something to the effect of, “what? Are you insane? Take it! Go shopping while the kids are away!!! Go get some coffee or a manicure”! Just like that. Like it wasn’t shit. Like I were crazy for even hesitating.

So that’s exactly what I did. For a kid like me, a teenaged girl growing up in a working class household in the city, this was totally unreal. I felt special as all hell. To be honest though, I was probably the best person to trust with all this stuff. I was very responsible and though at times a bit of a shit-head, would never take advantage of privileges given to me. I remember driving that thing through the well-to-do suburb they lived in- I’d pick up a couple of my girlfriends and we’d ride around, smiling and waving at guys like we were the most badass things in existence. It was good times.

The Zs were always kind and really, overly generous with me. For the following two New Years they offered to take me on vacation to help out with the children. I of course accepted and it’s been one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. It was an unimaginable opportunity for me, especially at that age. They paid for everything of mine (airfare, hotel room, meals, drinks) and even paid me at the end of the trip.

I should add that I did in fact have to do a lot of work on these trips and at home when the kids didn’t have programs or school. The little boy was autistic, so many every-day tasks were challenging. He was a very sharp kid and was quite sweet, I just had to learn different ways of communicating with him in order to break through his sensory issues. Caring for him required a lot of patience and deep breathing, ha. When he would get agitated or tired he would throw horrendous screaming tantrums and it would take an hour at times to calm him down. It was unnerving, but he’s doing a lot better now and is getting all the help he needs. The little girl was cute and all that, but she was quite spoiled and pretty precocious for her age, she was a handful!

I found it a little unconventional that Mrs. Z bought me a lot of expensive things on vacation. It was thoughtful and charitable of her, but did make me feel a little uneasy to accept these gifts. Mr. Z was the breadwinner of the household so Mrs. Z was given hefty allowances. Mr. Z wasn’t too frugal, but would make it obvious when he felt like his wife’s spending was unnecessary. On one occasion while out with the family, she asked him to look at a pair of ridiculously expensive leather boots she was dead-set on owning – I don’t remember the brand but it was either Gucci or Burberry. He kind of whined and said, “C’mon, it’s the recession”. To my horror, she and her daughter immediately started laughing and mocked him, “it’s the recession, it’s the recession”! I was embarrassed for them in a way and felt so out of place. He caved and bought them for her. Ehhhhhhh…

So yeah, IMO the above listed (and some not included) are not really common or appropriate things to offer to a babysitter. However, I am absolutely NOT complaining! It was fantastic; but personally, I would never trust a sixteen year old with a fifty-four thousand dollar vehicle… Or pay them four hundred dollars for doing two hours of work… Shiiiiiit. I wish I could quit my job and go back to babysitting for the Zs; unfortunately the kids are able to look after themselves now.

In the words of the late and great Tupac –

“Better days, better days, better days

Heyyyyy

Better days

Got me thinkin’ bout’ better days”

7. A bit of a sad story

I would babysit for a friend of my parents when I was between 12–15 years old. The parents were pretty big partiers, but I actually liked the fact that they stayed out late because I was paid by the hour. They would come home pretty drunk and eventually the father started asking me to drive myself home in his new BMW. He would sit in the passenger seat while I drove and drive himself back to his place after dropping me off. I’m sure he thought this was a safer alternative to him driving me home while completely drunk, but not only was I under age, but not a particularly good driver.

Unfortunately, years later his wife did kill herself in a single car accident involving alcohol. It was very sad that her children lost their mother and I always liked her despite her issues.

8. Eight seems a little young

Look after a baby (nappies, bottle fed etc), for an entire night, and without pay, at the age of 8 years old. 🙂

I did a bit of baby sitting, and had asked to look after a baby, so I rode my bike about 15km to get to their place, the kid was a lot younger than I had been used to looking after, and she showed me how to change the nappies etc.

Then she left, didn’t really say when she was back, so I fell asleep on the couch, woke up a few times and checked on the baby.

It was the 80s so no mobile phones and I just sort of assumed this is what I was supposed to do.

She turned up about 8am the next morning, thanked me for the babysitting and I sort of waited awkwardly till I realised I wasn’t getting paid, so rode back home.

In retrospect, that is some next level irresponsibility, even by 80s standards.

I also still don’t get how she thought that it wouldn’t be paid…

The post Babysitters Share the Most Inappropriate Thing Parents Asked Them to Do appeared first on UberFacts.

Garfield Phones Have Been Washing up on a French Beach for 30 Years. We Finally Know Why.

If you’re a person of a certain age (ahem), then you, like me, might have owned a Garfield phone during the halcyon days of your youth. It had Garfield’s trademark bored/sardonic smile (no lasagna in sight, I guess) and the receiver was a fatty, curved part of his spine.

You remember.

Well, since the mid-1980s, broken pieces of the phone have been washing up on the shores in Brittany, France. No one knew or could find out where they were coming from – and with nearly 200 pieces found in the span of a year, the seemingly endless supply troubled environmentalists.

They, like locals, suspected that there might be a lost, sunken shipping container somewhere offshore, but no one had ever been able to find it. And the environmental group Ar Viltansou, along with its president, Claire Simonin-Le Meur, have been searching:

“We were looking for it, but we had no precise idea of where it could be. We thought it was under the sea. We asked people who were divers to look for it. We get a lot of submarines in the area, too – it’s a military area. But they said it was not possible the container could be there and nobody saw it.”

Then, Simonin-Le Mur caught a break – a local farmer approached to explain that 30 years ago he’d spotted a cave filled with phones while out exploring. Excited, the environmentalist and a group of journalists ventured out to the cave, where they solved the mystery!

Inside were more pieces of the phones and a broken, empty shipping container.

“I saw Garfield and container pieces all over the cave. But the bulk of the phones are already gone, the sea has done its job for thirty years. We arrived after the battle,” she told Le Monde.

While it seems the majority of Garfield phone pieces have already been washed away, Simonin-Le Mur hopes the story will generate interest in cleaning the oceans around the world. According to the Ocean Conservancy, 8 million metric tons of plastics find their way to the oceans every year, in addition to the estimated 150 million metric tons of material that’s currently circulating through aquatic habitats.

I miss my phone. I sure hope it didn’t end up in the ocean.

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“Jean Panties” Are an Actual Thing That Nobody Asked For

Everyone:

Jean Industry: CHECK OUT THESE JEAN PANTIES, Y’ALL!

Everyone: …

Seriously, this is not an exaggeration. It’s pretty much exactly how it played out when fashion brand Sense came out with these truly baffling Jean Panties, which I’m calling Janties.

They look like a denim diaper, except that they are intended for adult women to wear.

Photo Credit: Ssense

Is it underwear? Is it shorts? IT’S BOTH, says the company. Janties can be worn either under or over your pants. They also cost $315, so…yeah. Here we are.

People on social media are very confused and upset about the denim panties situation. They must be so uncomfortable! The chafing! 🙁 🙁 🙁

Seriously, these things can’t possibly be good for your vajeana (haha get it?).

And also, when and where would you wear janties?!?! I can’t think of a single appropriate time.

Although at least one person is kinda into it.

And others have pointed out that CERTAIN celebrities will probably actually wear these, ahem.

For better or worse, this is the world that we live in now. A world where janties exist, somewhere in a warehouse, waiting to be shipped to Kendall Jenner.

At least jean panties make for a lot of good puns.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!

The janties are SOLD OUT.

What. Is. This. Life.

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12 Seriously Weird and Awesome Shower Thoughts

I gotta be honest with you: I LOVE reading shower thoughts. In case you’re unfamiliar, those are the totally random but also slightly mind-blowing thoughts that you have when you’re in a relaxed state, like when you’re in the shower (or really, really stoned).

Here are 12 of my faves!

1. The robot uprising is real.

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

2. And too aware of EVERYTHING

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3. Absolutely true

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4. Mind seriously blown

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5. Perfect observation

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6. It probably was a man’s idea. Bravo.

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7. Magical powers can do wonders for child behavior. Just sayin’

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8. The irony

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9. “Downton Webby”

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10. If this is true, why are their humans living in Antartica??

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11. Crazy thought!

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12. Not sure I’d want to know

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What shower thoughts have you had lately?

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